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There was a knock at the ranch house's door and Chris ambled along to answer it."Maude!" he said in astonishment.
"Mr. Larabee."
"Please call me Chris. Ez does, although it took me ages to get him to do so." Chris smiled and reached out to put a hand on the woman's arm. "Come in, Maude. It's real good to see you."
"Thank you, Mr. L....Chris."
The blond smiled and showed the way through to the living room.
"How's Ezra?" Maude asked as she faced the black-clad man, once they'd reached their destination.
"Real rough, Maude. Real rough," Chris said as he ran a hand slowly through his hair and sighed. "He's slowly losing all his hair and he wears a scarf all the time 'cause he can't bear for anyone, even me, to see him bald."
"And how are you?" the woman asked quietly as she studied the haggard man before her.
Chris looked up and shrugged. "Oh, so-so."
"You're looking tired, Chris," she observed as she looked at the dark circles under the man's eyes.
"Well, it ain't the kind of situation that makes for a good night's rest. It's tiring traveling back and forth to work, without all the visits to the hospital too," the blond conceded with a shrug of his shoulders.
"Well, I've come to lend a hand and you look as though you could do with it."
"What about your business?" Chris objected.
"I've left my partner in charge for the next week. My son is the most important thing in my life and I want to be here for him..and you, if only for a short time."
"I appreciate it, Maude. It gets kinda lonely sometimes," Chris said as he indicted for the woman to sit down.
The woman nodded and sat opposite the blond. "Well, whose fault is that? From what I've heard you've refused everyone's help."
The blond sighed as he realized that someone had snitched on him. He wiped a hand down his face and shook his head. "Buck and the others have been real good to us, Maude, don't get me wrong, but they've got their own lives. They've been keeping on top of things at work for me and that is all I expect of them."
"They are also very good friends of yours and if they offer help, you really should accept it, Chris. I hear that they haven't seen anything of Ezra when he's been in the hospital, and I also hear that you asked them to stay away from here too when Ezra was home and sick. It would do him the world of good to have someone else to talk to. It would also allow you to do other things because this can't be at all easy for you."
"I spend a certain amount of time at the hospital with Ez and but it was he who asked not to see them while he was there. I admit I asked them to stay away when he was first released but that's only 'cause he was still real sick. He went back to work at the end of the week and saw them all then," Chris said in justification of his actions. He could see that Maude wasn't convinced.
"Well, I want to take my turn in sitting with him at the hospital and I hope you aren't going to deny me access to my son too, Chris."
"Course I won't. You're family."
"So are Buck and the others: as near as dammit, anyway," Maude said as she fixed Chris with a serious stare. "Will Ezra be up to visitors tomorrow? I'd like to see him as soon as I can."
"He'll be pleased to see ya. I warn you though that it ain't pleasant. Seeing him so sick is real upsetting and I quite often leave the hospital in tears, although I wouldn't admit that to anyone else."
Maude reached out a hand and patted his knee. "That just confirms that you need help, Chris. I'll talk to Ezra when I see him and try and get him to accept his other friends' company too. It'll take some of the strain away from you. I can see a real change in you since I saw you last."
Chris looked at the woman with a wry smile, knowing that he did look different, even to his own eyes. "Thanks for the offer, Maude, but I still need to see Ez every day. I promised to be there for him through this."
"Not so that you wear yourself down in the process. You can safely leave Ezra in the hands of one of the boys, because they've proved their trustworthiness and devotion to you both on many occasions. Ezra's a sensible boy and he won't expect you to be there for him 24 hours a day."
"Ain't there all the time," Chris said stubbornly. "I go to work and visit him at lunchtime and in the evening. I don't want him to be worn out by too many visitors."
"Stop making excuses, man. You're as stubborn as a damned mule. Has anyone other than you helped with Ezra since he's been having treatment?"
"Buck took care of Ez once while he was at work. He took him back to the loft for me when he felt tired last week. We stayed overnight at Vin's too when Ez was first released and felt bad."
"Twice. Twice isn't enough. You're shutting them out, except for when you've been forced to accept their assistance, and that isn't fair after all their good intentions. I hear that Josiah even offered you a room at his house so that you weren't alone but you turned him down. It is very pigheaded of you to try and do everything yourself. I can only stay for this week as I said before, but I promise I'll knock you into shape before I go. I'll be back too, on and off, so don't get back into any bad habits after I leave."
Chris looked up and smiled sadly. "You sound just like my Mom."
"Well, I am a Mom. We all sound alike you know. Mom always knows best, so give up while you're ahead 'cause you're not too old to put over my knee for a spankin'."
Chris couldn't help laughing out loud as he imagined her doing it. He then sighed and became very quiet as he thought back over their conversation. He knew everything Maude said was true, but he wanted to show Ezra how much he cared for him by looking after him alone. He thought if he began letting others take a turn, Ezra would think that Chris was deserting him.
Ezra's mother sat and studied the somber man opposite her. "I know just what is going on in your mind, Christopher Larabee. Leave Ezra to me. You're both as bad as one another, you know? I'll talk him round and make him see that you aren't in any way casting him aside by letting Josiah and the boys help out from time to time."
"Thanks, Maude. That's what truly scares me. He's so emotionally fragile that it's hard to say how he's gonna react to certain things. He's sees rejection where none was intended."
"I know, son. I'll take care of everything," she said soothingly.
+ + + + + + +
Maude entered the hospital the next day and Chris showed her to Ezra's room. "Let me go in first and tell him yer here," the blond suggested as he stopped in the hallway.
"Okay."
The black-clad man pushed in through the door and walked to the bed. "Hey, babe," Chris said as he looked the man up and down to see how he looked.
"Hey, yerself."
"How ya doin'?"
Ezra shrugged. "Not so great. I had a bit of an uncomfortable night to say the least."
Chris smiled sympathetically as he patted Ezra's hand. "Um...Maude's here."
"Here?" the smaller man said in surprise. He struggled upright in bed and Chris adjusted the pillows so that he was comfortable.
"Yeah, she's come to be with you to help you through this and she's also gonna help me too. She'll be staying at the ranch for a short while."
"That's good, Chris. I know how you've been feeling lately and having her there with be good for you."
"Yeah, I know. She's already made her presence felt though. I had a bit of a lecture yesterday and she said she was going to speak to you too; so be warned." Chris grinned. "Shall I ask her in?"
"Yes, please."
Chris went to the door and beckoned Maude in.
The woman strode to the bed and raked her son from head to foot with a piercing stare. "Hello, darlin', yer looking a mite pale," she commented with pursed lips.
"Pale doesn't come close. I feel transparent," Ezra admitted as he rubbed a hand over his face wearily.
Maude turned to Chris. "I'll stay today, so you go straight home and catch up on some sleep, young man. You can collect me some time this evening."
"Yes, Ma," Chris laughed as he left the room. He'd felt much better in the short time that Maude had been staying. It was nice having someone else making the decisions for him and he began to realize how foolish he'd been in rejecting all offers of help before now.
Once Chris had gone, Maude sat down beside her son and looking into his eyes lovingly.
"I'm glad to see you, Mother," Ezra said as he held out his hand, which Maude grabbed tightly and kissed softly.
"And I you, sweetheart. Now tell me how you are getting on."
"There are days when I wish I could die, even though that is my worst nightmare," Ezra said. "I feel so dreadful: I'm so sick that I can't see the point in carrying on. Then I think of my darlin' Christopher and I know that I can't take the easy way out. That would be so selfish. He's been a tower of strength to me but I can see that he's destroying himself in the process, which is what I feared, and was the reason I walked out on him that day." "Well, you leave him to me and I'll make sure he's alright. Now, I need to have a word with you too. You are obviously concerned about Chris and there is a way you can help him. Why won't you let one of your friends take a turn in visiting you here and at the ranch so that Chris doesn't have to do it all? A word from you and he'd step back, darlin'. He doesn't want to suggest it because he thinks he's showing you how much he loves you by caring for you alone."
The bed-ridden man stared at his mother. "I've forced Chris to turn down offers of help without thinking of the consequences for him, haven't I? I was clinging to Chris like a life raft without appreciating that I might be drowning him in the process."
"Very eloquent, darlin', but he was turning away assistance quite well on his own without any additional help from you. See that you speak to him when he returns later. Make sure he understands that you are not discarding him in any way." Maude was pleased that both men had agreed to her demands. They'd both been so concerned about upsetting each other that they hadn't realized that they were doing more harm than good in the process.
"I will."
Ezra sighed as he saw his nurse come in to set up his next dose of drugs on the IV tower. He was connected up to it and Maude watched as her son became even paler before her eyes as the drugs slowly entered his system. Then the sickness began as it always did and although Chris had given her details, she was still shocked by it. Ezra had real trouble breathing as his throat continually constricted as his stomach heaved. He literally gasped for air and Maude couldn't help but cry as her son suffered. Finally, after a few hours, the torment ended and Ezra slipped into an uneasy sleep.
"Oh, darlin'," she whispered as she stroked his face gently and then continued holding his hand in both of hers.
Ezra woke periodically and still suffered the occasional bout of sickness but luckily not like the first onset, for which his mother was glad.
Chris arrived back during the evening, as promised, and sat on the other side of the bed and talked to Maude quietly until Ezra woke once more.
"Hey, baby. Did you enjoy yer change of company?"
"Yes, it was nice having Maude here although I wasn't much company for her. I hope you made the most of your free time, Chris."
"Yes, I did as I was told and went to bed and I feel much better for it."
"Well, Mother knows best as she is inclined to keep reminding me," Ezra said as he turned to Maude. "Could I have a word with Chris alone, please?"
Maude stood up. "Of course you can. Goodnight, sweetheart. I'll be back to see you again tomorrow," she said as she planted a tender kiss on her son's forehead.
"Thank you."
Chris sat on the bed beside Ezra, knowing Maude had given the man a piece of her mind too. He waited to see what fruits her words had produced in his lover. "What did you want to say, Ez?"
"I would like for Buck and the others to visit if they want. I enjoyed having Maude here and I don't want to lose contact with the others. I feel slightly cocooned in here and I've missed their company and it lifted my spirits when I saw them at work last week."
"Is that the only reason?"
Ezra grinned sheepishly. "Maude, as you know, had a word with me and I know I've been selfish. You know I love you dearly, and because of that, I want you to take things a bit easier. Letting the others visit would be one way of lightening the load you are carrying and that, in turn, would make me happy."
Chris stared at the man and nodded with a slight grin. "Okay, babe. Hope Maude didn't offer the same punishment to you as she did to me, if I didn't behave."
Ezra was intrigued. What could Maude possible threaten his forceful lover with that would make him kowtow to her demands. "Please tell me what she was going to do," he demanded.
"Said she'd put me over her knee and spank me," Chris grinned.
Ezra laughed out loud and the sound was like music to the blond's ears. "That image will keep me going through the darker times, believe me," Ezra said as he smiled.
"I bet." Chris stood, after seeing that Ezra was stifling a yawn. "Bye, babe. I'll see ya tomorrow lunchtime."
"I'll look forward to it. Remember to bring someone with you, won't you? Don't tell me who and then it'll be a surprise."
"Sure, babe."
Chris stepped out into the hallway to join Maude and he set off to leave the building, expecting her to follow. The blond looked back when he didn't detect her presence and he saw that she was stood still as if in shock. Chris walked back to meet her and watched her quietly for a minute or two.
"Maude? Are you alright?"
"Oh, Chris, I never realized...He was so sick, he couldn't breathe."
Chris put his arm round the woman's shoulder and steered her away. "Yeah, I know. He's passed out a couple of times because of that. I hate watching him when that happens and I can't imagine how it must be for him."
"I'll be prepared next time, I promise." Maude turned and looked at Chris. "Can I come back tomorrow evening?"
"Sure, ya can. He appreciated seeing ya today. I wanna do everything to keep his spirits up through this and he's asked to see one of the boys every lunchtime too. Your pep-talk worked like a charm. Thanks, Maude....for everything."
"You're welcome," the woman replied quietly, still coming to terms with what she'd seen.
The blond drove a very preoccupied Maude back to the ranch and the two of them talked long into the night, each offering the other encouragement and comfort.
+ + + + + + +
"Ez? What do you want to eat?" the blond asked when Ezra surfaced midmorning on the second day after being released from the hospital.
"I'm not hungry," the fragile man replied as he sat down slowly next to Maude and put his head in his hands.
"What about a drink?"
"Yes, please. Tea would be nice with lots of milk in it."
"Cookie?" Chris asked cajolingly.
"No. Nothing to eat."
"Okay." Chris was worried and he exchanged glances with Maude. The woman shook her head slightly to say not to push it, although it wasn't the first time that Ezra had refused food that day. He'd refused breakfast in bed earlier too. Chris gave the man his tea and watched him drink it but he saw Ezra's hand shaking so he took the mug from his hand gently. "You okay, babe?"
"Fine, but I think I'd better go back to bed again. I don't seem to have any energy at the moment."
"Take yer drink with ya so you can have it when you get up there," Chris suggested as he helped Ezra to his feet.
"I'll bring it up, Ezra. You go on up and I'll come and see you in just a minute," Maude said as Chris passed the drink to her.
Ezra went upstairs alone and the man's two worried nurses watched him go.
"What should I do, Maude? He usually eats like a horse. I know he ain't had much to eat since his treatment began but he's never refused before," Chris said as he leant back so that he perched awkwardly on the tabletop.
"Why not speak to Nathan? He may provide some invaluable advice," Maude suggested. "But I would say that Ezra will eat when he wants to and you shouldn't worry about it too much. He's drinking and that is much more important at the moment."
"Maybe yer right but I'll speak to Nate, anyway." Chris picked up the phone and punched in his medical friend's number while Maude made her way upstairs to make sure Ezra had made it back to his bedroom safely.
"Nate? Ez ain't eating," Chris said worriedly as soon as the medic answered.
"It's perfectly natural for him to lose his appetite during his treatment. How long has he not eaten for?"
"Just today really," the blond shrugged. "He's always had something before now but he refused outright earlier."
Nathan could hear the panic in his friend's voice so he tried to placate him. "Well, he may go for two or three days without eating so don't push him, Chris. Just make sure he drinks plenty and he'll eat when he's ready. You could try some of those build-up drinks just to keep his strength up. Don't try to tempt him with his favorite foods though 'cause many people have been put off them for life 'cause they associate their illness with the foods, and that's a shame. Try not to let him see that yer worried about it or it'll make him feel even more anxious and less like eating as a result. Either that, or he may force himself to eat just to please you and make himself sick in consequence."
Chris nodded, relieved that Nathan had echoed some of Maude's thoughts too. "Thanks, Nate. Sorry to keep bothering ya with my worries."
"It's no problem, Chris. Call me anytime."
+ + + + + + +
Life continued; Ezra started eating again after a couple of days and Maude went back home but promised to return whenever she could. Chris continued taking one of his work-mates to visit Ezra when he was in the hospital, and he could tell that his partner was much cheered by a change in company. The blond also arranged for each man to help in caring for Ezra when he was recovering at the ranch after his treatment, which allowed the blond to catch up with things at work. Ezra came into work when he felt able to, in between his chemo sessions, but it was usually only for half a day once every rest week.
One day, when Ezra was back home again, the two lovers met mid-morning for breakfast and took their time getting ready.
"What do ya wanna do for the rest of today, Ez? We've been deserted by everyone else so I'm afraid yer stuck with my company for yer sins."
"Think I can handle that. Can we go riding?"
Chris hesitated, worried about Ezra falling from a horse and knowing that the man wasn't strong enough to handle even the quietest horse at the moment. "How about taking the quad bike instead? Feel happier with you on that than on a horse and I don't think yer really up to riding at the moment, do you?"
Ezra gave in happily, realizing he'd been asking for the moon in his request anyway. "Okay. Can we go out toward Heligan Falls? I really feel like indulging in some fishing. That's a nice quiet activity and not too taxing, I think you'll agree."
"Sounds good. Should we take a picnic or trust on catching something to eat?" the blond asked as he saw the excitement on Ezra's face.
"Well, I can't boast about my fishing expertise so I think we should take a picnic."
Chris grinned. "Okay. Let's get ready."
When they'd packed some food and collected their fishing gear, Chris went and collected the quad bike from the barn. He pulled up beside Ezra and the man climbed on the back and put his arms round Chris's waist. The blond set off and they arrived at their destination fairly soon afterwards.
They set up their fishing equipment on the riverbank and settled in for an afternoon of peace and quiet. Not much was said and the fish were very quiet too, not tugging on the lines at all.
Ezra sat reading the book that Vin had given him but he finally looked at the blond and sighed contentedly. "Thanks, Chris. It's nice to take time to savor life. If it's one thing I've learnt through this, it's to cherish every moment. I wish that I could have spent my past time more purposefully though. If I wasn't working, I was lazing in bed and I've missed a lot."
"We're all guilty of that, Ez."
"I really envy Vin," Ezra said suddenly as he put the book down.
"Why?"
"He takes such pleasure in simple things. I think we've all lost sight of the fact that we should be part of nature, not ruling it. I can't remember the last time I just looked into the sky at night and studied the stars like I did with him recently. We're all so blinded by technology and the wonders that it can produce that we forget the wonders of nature itself. I've had a lot of time recently just to sit and watch the world go by so I can understand how Mr. Tanner can be so enamoured of it."
Chris nodded in understanding. "Yeah, well, that's why I live out here. I know you all think it's 'cause I'm antisocial but I like the peace and quiet. I like seeing the animals that live here and I'm still in awe of the landscape."
Ezra laughed. "I admit when I came to live with you I was aghast at being so far from civilization but I've grown to adore it here." Ezra stopped talking as he finally felt a tug on his line. He stood up and reeled the fish in easily.
"He's a beauty," Chris said as he reached out to catch hold of the wriggling creature so he could unhook it from the line. He nearly dropped it once it was free because it was slippery and wouldn't keep still.
"Yes, isn't he? Too beautiful to eat. I feel like letting him go because I really can't deny him his life, given that I don't want to die prematurely either."
Chris bent down, set it free and then patted Ezra's back. The undercover agent watched it swim away through the clear water and smiled happily.
"Even though I trapped him in the first place, perhaps God will still see fit to smile on me in my hour of need, seeing as I liberated one of his creatures," Ezra wished quietly.
Chris felt tears prick his eyes as he said with a cracking voice, "I hope so too, Ez."
"Oh dear, this is all becoming a bit morbid, isn't it? Cheer me up, slave," Ezra said as he grinned and lightly punched his companion's arm.
"Can't do a comedy routine, Ez. How about going for a short walk instead?" the black-clad man suggested.
"Yes. That would be very pleasant."
Chris stood with Ezra and turned to follow the river. Chris put his arm round Ezra's waist and the undercover agent put his hand on Chris's shoulder. The two men wandered along for quite some distance just talking and enjoying each other's company.
Ezra suddenly stopped and looked down at his shoes. "Can we head back now?"
"Sure," Chris agreed as he looked over at his partner. "You feeling okay?" the blond asked worriedly.
"At the moment I feel great, but we've walked quite a way and it is, of course, the same distance back again. I think this is a far as I can go to ensure that I get back to our picnic site in one piece."
"About turn then." Chris smiled and steered his lover round to face back the way they'd come. "I'm proud of you for not trying to push yerself. It's good that you know yer limits, babe."
They walked slowly back, stopping every so often when Ezra saw something interesting, which also gave him a chance to recover his breath. They finally got back to the quad bike and began clearing up their picnic site so that they could head home.
"Sit down, Ez. I'll finish up," Chris offered after he'd flicked a quick look at his companion.
"I'm okay."
"No, yer not. I can hear ya huffing and puffin' from over here."
Ezra stood still and bowed his head. "Sorry, perhaps I did walk too far after all. Things just make me feel breathless sometimes."
"I know, kid." Chris nodded but made a downward motion with his right hand as he spoke. "Sit down and I'll get us back home soon."
"Today was nice and I really did enjoy it. It was relaxing," Ezra said as he watched Chris pack their belongings on the bike.
"Yeah, it was, wasn't it? It was good to have some time together away from everything." The blond stood and brushed the dirt of his pant legs. "Come on, I'm ready now. Climb on the back," Chris said as he patted the seat.
They drove back to the ranch and Ezra made his way through to the living room. Chris brewed a cup of tea and took it through to him and joined him on the couch.
"Thanks, Chris," Ezra said as he put down the cup after finishing its contents. "Can we go out again tomorrow? I like the fresh air and the quiet immensely."
"We'll see what the weather's like but we'd better stay closer to home, I reckon."
"Perhaps we could just walk Arnie out to the creek and back," Ezra suggested.
"Sure Arnie would love that, babe," Chris agreed.
+ + + + + + +
Next morning after breakfast, Chris whistled for his dog. The black dog came lolloping toward him from the barn and barked once in greeting. "Come on, pup. Let's go play."
The canine began running round in circles excitedly as if understanding exactly what his master had said.
"Ez? You ready?" Chris called when his partner still didn't join him.
"Yes, all set." Ezra emerged from the kitchen in jeans and sweatshirt. "Am I suitably attired?"
"Yeah, just dandy. Did I ever tell you that you got a cute butt? You should wear jeans more often," Chris said as he slapped Ezra's backside playfully.
Ezra blushed. "Yes, well you have informed me before, but it's always pleasant to hear it again."
"Shall we go? Arnie's lookin' kinda impatient."
"Okay."
They set off with Arnie running along in front of them, nose down and tail up, as he followed some scent or other. The dog came back with a stick in his mouth and weaved in and out of the men's legs in an attempt to get them to play with him. Ezra took pity and leant down and took the stick from the dog's mouth. He stepped away from Chris to give himself room and bent his arm back over his head. He threw the stick and Arnie bounded after it delightedly. Now that the undercover agent had started the game, Arnie kept coming back for more. After half an hour though, much to Ezra's relief, the dog tired of it and went off chasing birds instead.
"He's so happy, isn't he? He's got a lovely life out here. He's free to roam all day and do as he pleases."
"Yeah, he's sure lucky and he knows it too. Bet he's worked up a real appetite; I know I have. Let's go back and get something to eat," Chris said when he saw how tired Ezra looked.
"Yes, I feel hungry too. Playing certainly gets the taste buds tingling."
They ambled back to the house and entered the kitchen with Arnie trailing behind. The dog walked across the room and sat next to his food bowl and howled loudly while slapping his chops in anticipation of the food to come.
"Yeah, yeah, pup. I can hear yer stomach rumbling from over here." The blond emptied some food into the bowl and the dog hoovered it up in a matter of seconds. "Jeez, you'll eat me outta house and home, Arnie. You got a bottomless pit for a stomach." The blond turned to Ezra and smiled. "What do you fancy, babe? Rabbit?" Chris asked as he read the label on the can of dog food and then grinned as he waved it in the air temptingly.
"No, thanks, although Arnie seems to have enjoyed it, doesn't he?" Ezra laughed as he looked at the empty dog bowl. "Could I perhaps have pasta, instead?"
"Sure. Soon cook that up." Chris got to work and placed a plate of the food in front of the man.
"Looks delicious," Ezra said and proceeded to eat every last piece.
Chris smiled, pleased that the man was still eating heartily.
+ + + + + + +
Later that day, Chris came downstairs frowning. Ezra was nowhere to be found in the ranch house and Chris had checked twice just to make sure. The blond had let the man out of his sight for only a couple of minutes and now he had vanished into thin air.
"Dammit, Ez. Where'd ya go?" The blond walked out into the yard and turned 360 degrees in case he could spot his lover somewhere close by. "Ez?" he yelled with hands cupped to his mouth.
No reply.
"Aw, hell." Chris sat on the porch and had no idea what to do.
He looked up after half an hour and saw his lover wandering slowly toward him. He saw the man come to a sudden halt so Chris stood and ran to join him. Before being struck by cancer, his lover had usually been so full of energy, but it now frightened Chris to see him knocked flat so easily. It seemed that Ezra always moved slowly, as if trying to conserve his strength.
"Ez? Shit, where ya been? I thought something bad mighta happened to ya," the blond asked as he came to a sliding halt beside the man.
"Sorry, I scared ya, darlin', but I needed time to think on my own. There's so much to think about," Ezra said as his voice faded.
"You okay?" Chris asked worriedly as he reached out a hand.
"Tired. I feel like I can't move any further. I'm sorry."
"Okay, don't fret. Sit down where you are." Chris reached out his other hand and eased the man to the ground and squatted beside him. "Just stay here until yer feeling stronger. How far did ya go exactly?"
"Only to the creek again. Not very far." Ezra's voice was now just a whisper.
"Jeez, I was so worried, babe."
Chris turned as he heard a vehicle approaching and he saw Buck's truck arrive in the yard. The ladies' man waved as he jumped out of the vehicle and ran toward the two seated men.
"Chris? Everythin' alright?" he asked anxiously as he bent down beside the blond while looking at Ezra.
"Ez just walked to the creek by himself and now he's real tired. He don't feel like he can make it back to the house at the moment," the blond informed the tall agent softly.
"Hey, pard. Let's get you inside then. I'll carry you, shall I?" Buck said as he bent down and took the sick man in his arms. Ezra felt as light as a feather and the tall man held him easily.
"Haven't been carried like this since I was a child, Bucklin," Ezra whispered in his friend's ear, just loud enough so that Chris could hear too.
"Yeah, well, I always dreamt I'd do it when I carried a new wife over the threshold, not a work mate, pard."
Ezra laughed softly. "I notice you said a wife. How many do you plan on having?" the man asked quietly as he rested his head against Buck's shoulder with a sigh.
"Oh, well, there are a lot of women in the world, pard."
Buck entered the house through the kitchen and took the man straight up to the bedroom and laid him on the bed. He took off Ezra's shoes and found a blanket to put over him.
"Get some shuteye, pard. You look exhausted," the ladies' man said as he turned out the light.
"Thank you, Bucklin."
"Yer welcome." Buck closed the door behind him and went downstairs to find Chris in the kitchen. "Well, he's settled, Chris. Think he'll sleep for hours by the look of him."
Chris looked up and scowled angrily. "What was he thinking, Bucklin? He was so sensible yesterday: knew exactly how far he could manage, and then he goes off on his own like this without so much as a word. He's already had one walk today, ya know? He shoulda known better than to go out again."
Buck moved to stand behind the blond and began massaging his shoulders gently. He was not surprised to find the man as tense as a tightrope. "Calm down, pard. No harm done. He's still trying to find his feet and he's bound to make the odd miscalculation."
"Yeah, well, he's aged me ten years in the process, I reckon," Chris said as he put his head back and moaned in pleasure at the feeling of Buck's hands loosening his muscles.
"I know, pard," Buck agreed sympathetically as he finished his treatment and patted the man's back. "Right, what do you want me to do now I'm here? Seeing as Ez will be out of the way for a while, I can help you around the place, if you like."
Chris sighed as he thought of the many jobs that needed doing. "Well, the horses have to be feed and Mercury needs getting in from the top paddock for starters, and then there's a thousand and one other things to do too."
"Well, the sooner we start, the sooner we finish."
"I'll leave a walkie-talkie with Ez so he can call if he wants me." Chris went upstairs and left the radio, along with a note to say where they were.
Buck and Chris then worked outside together for several hours before making their way back to the house.
"Thanks, Bucklin. I only expected you to help look after Ezra today but I appreciate you doing all those chores as well. Having two of us do them sure saved time."
"It's all one and the same if you think about it, Chris. Helping you is helping Ez, to my mind," Buck said as he walked into the kitchen "Well, talk of the devil."
Ezra was in the kitchen shuffling about with a plate of cookies and a teapot in his hands. He looked up and smiled broadly when he saw the two dirt-covered men come in.
"Hey, babe," Chris said.
"I made you some tea. I know you've been working hard while I've been asleep."
"Thanks, Ez," Buck said as he took one of the cookies and poked it in his mouth whole. He then continued talking around the crumbs in his mouth as he complained about all the work he'd had to do. "Chris's had me shoveling shit for hours. Think the amount I moved musta been the equivalent to Mount Everest. He's a real hard taskmaster."
"I know, but I wouldn't swap him for the world," Ezra said with a smile as he kissed his lover tenderly.
+ + + + + + +
It was Friday, and Ezra was due out of hospital that evening to start his next rest week. Chris was at work trying to catch up on a few things so that he would be free to spend time at home with his lover over the following days. The blond could feel his tension levels rising as he hurried to finish the mountain of paperwork on his desk. He knew that despite his best intentions though, he wasn't going to get it all done in time.
Nathan knocked on his office door and was beckoned in by the harassed, black-clad man. The medic studied the blond and sat down in the chair opposite him. "How are ya, Chris?"
"Okay."
Nathan shook his head in disagreement. "Well, I don't think you are. Have you looked in the mirror recently? Yer still looking real strained and tired and if you don't take some time for yerself soon, you ain't gonna be no good to Ezra at all. Working and caring for Ez is taking its toll. I know we're helping but you haven't had a proper day off since all this started and you need one. You need time away from both Ez and work, and I'm telling you this as your friend and in my medical capacity." Nathan could see Chris was going to deny it so the medic held up a hand and stopped him interrupting. "I've gotten a suggestion. Why don't you go off this weekend with Buck, Vin and JD on their fishing trip? It'll do you good."
"Can't leave him, and the horses won't feed themselves," the blond replied stubbornly, feeling anger rising.
"Josiah and I are more than happy to look after Ez for you. We'll take good care of him, you can be sure of that. I think you can trust us to look after the horses too, can't you?"
"You've already discussed this between yerselves, ain't ya?" the black-clad man stated suspiciously, sounding highly irritated.
"Yeah, we know what pressure yer putting yerself under and we want to ease it for ya. One weekend away from Ezra won't hurt, will it?"
"I don't know. It don't seem right that I should go off and enjoy myself when he's so sick," Chris replied dubiously, letting his temper subside as he began to seriously consider the idea.
"Why not? You can't stop living because of this and Ez wouldn't expect you to, and who says he ain't gonna have fun while your away? We know how to have a good time, you know, and we know what Ez likes," Nathan said with a grin, capitalizing on the fact that Chris seemed to be wavering in his resolve.
"You've spoken to him too, ain't ya?" Chris said sharply.
"Kinda. He was the one who actually said that you should take a bigger timeout from him. He doesn't want you to spend all yer time with him. He's noticed a difference in you and he's real worried about you," the medic admitted.
"He's worried about me?" Chris asked in astonishment.
"Yes, very. He's scared of losing you because you might get fed up with caring for him, so he doesn't want to become a burden to you in the first place. There are, of course, times when he needs coddling but he's feeling like yer always staying with him 'cause you're convinced that he's gonna die, but he doesn't want to push you away in case you leave permanently." Nathan really didn't know whether he was making sense, so he tried again. "He just asked me to talk to you, seeing as Maude ain't here at the moment. The only thing he wants from you is yer love; nothing more."
"I'm giving him love," Chris said quietly.
Nathan wondered if he'd gone too far. He hoped that Ezra's faith in getting his message across had not gone awry but he knew the words really weren't coming out quite as he'd planned. "Yeah, I know you are, Chris. He wants things....needs things to be as normal as possible though this. You just have to try and keep a real fine balance between loving him and stifling him."
Chris stared back at Nathan, knowing deep down that what he said was true. He'd caught himself on numerous occasions being too overbearing and protective toward his lover but sometimes it was really hard to judge what was appropriate.
"Ez is only thinking of your welfare, and him worrying about you ain't helping his cause neither, Chris."
"I'd better go then, hadn't I? Don't have much choice seeing as everyone's ganged up against me."
"Yeah, you'd better, before Maude puts you over her knee and spanks yer ass," Nathan laughed.
Chris grimaced. "Jeez, she didn't need to tell you about that," he said as he grinned.
+ + + + + + +
Chris was very preoccupied for the first part of the weekend that he was away. Nothing his three companions did could get him to snap out of it. He really couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving Ezra. The more time passed though, he had to admit that his partner and friends had been right in saying that he needed to have real time away to unwind. It wasn't until now that he realized the effect that Ezra's illness had been having on him, both physically and emotionally.
"You okay there, pard?"
"I'm okay. Just coming to realize that I needed the time away. I still feel like I've deserted him but I didn't realize until now just how tense I was. I ain't been eating properly, neither. Ain't felt like it and I've been living with a pain in my guts since he was diagnosed. Today is the first day that I ain't been plagued by it."
"Yeah, well, I ain't seen ya look so relaxed for weeks."
"Hey guys. Look what I caught," Vin said as he walked toward them holding up a large fish like it was some kind of trophy.
"Bet he put up a hell of a fight," Chris observed as he nudged JD playfully.
"Nah. I tickled him into submission."
"What?" JD yelped in disbelief.
"I tickled him and caught him with my bare hands. He was laughing so hard he near enough leapt out the water."
"What a load of crap," Buck said in disbelief as Chris laughed out loud.
"Alright, I'll show ya." Vin lay down on his stomach and looked into the stream. He dipped his hands into the water slowly and waited with the patience of Job. Fairly soon afterwards, much to Buck's consternation, he came out with another fish.
"Jeez, yer bewitched," Chris said. "That ain't natural. Least we got dinner sorted though. You've done better that the rest of us 'cause we ain't even had a nibble, have we, kid?"
"Nah. Brought nice juicy maggots for bait too," JD said sulkily as he poked his finger in the pot of wriggling creatures.
"Yeah, well, these fish are intelligent. Being tickled to death is much better than having a hook in yer lip," Vin said as he proceeded to tickle JD until the youngster was crying with laughter. "See what I mean?"
They cooked Vin's fish over an open fire and ate them companionably while looking up at the night sky as Vin pointed out all the constellations.
"Thanks, guys. This has been great. Hope Ez has had a good time too," Chris said quietly as they settled down to sleep.
"Sure he has. 'Spect he's talked Nathan into letting Rain mop his brow," Buck said as Chris smiled.