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+ + + + + + +Tanner was a mess. His entire life had gone to hell, and he felt it was just one more instance when things finally seemed like they were going to work out only to have the bottom drop out of his life. It had happened when his mother died, and the couple times he'd lucked into a fairly good foster home he'd been pulled out within a matter of weeks and thrown into another hellish nightmare of a situation. He'd been okay with the military, and bounty-hunting, but there'd been men there who had preyed on his emotions and he'd felt like they really liked him, only to be used and discarded when they moved on to another conquest.
It had taken Vin a long time to trust his teammates as friends and not just men he worked with. A big part of that trust was due to his boss, Chris Larabee. He'd told himself to keep his emotions and feelings in check, to keep everything professional. When Chris had seemed to return his feelings, and they'd become lovers, the relationship was more than Vin had ever hoped and dreamed for. But now it was over, and he couldn't believe he'd let his guard down enough to go through this again.
After a late night spent with Eric going over the latest plans for the bust, Vin walked out in a cold, pouring rain to find that his jeep wouldn't start.
"Fuck! Goddamn it to hell!" He smacked the steering wheel with his hand, then put his forehead down and closed his eyes. He knew that Eric would probably give him a ride. Come to think of it, Eric would probably ask him to stay the night and give him a ride into the office in the morning. He just wasn't up to that much conversation, though. Eric had been subtly - and not so subtly - pressuring him to deepen their relationship. Vin knew he was in no condition to deal with fending off Eric's advances. The man was making no secret of the fact he wanted a romantic relationship with Vin. Tanner realized he was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. He couldn't handle fending off Eric, who wanted more from him than he could ever give. And especially not now when Larabee was making it clear that having Tanner as a lover was a mistake he was regretting.
'So much for calling Chris,' Vin thought to himself, and sighed heavily, trying to ignore the deep ache he felt in his heart and his soul. He missed his older lover, well, ex-lover. He hated being away from the team, but mostly missed being away from Chris. He didn't know what had happened to make Chris realize that Tanner wasn't worth loving, but it was obviously too late. In the past he might have thought about calling Chris, just to hear his voice and listen to him tease him about his jeep, maybe have him come and curl up together in his apartment to sleep. Now..., he didn't know what to do.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra opened one eye and glanced blearily at the clock, wondering what instrument of torture was making that infernal racket. Slapping his hand around on the night stand, he finally found his cell phone. Struggling to sit up, he rubbed a hand over his eyes and snapped open the phone.
"Standish," he practically snarled.
"Hello?" he repeated, frowning into the phone. If this was some sort of prank call....
"Uh, Ezra?"
"Mr. Tanner?"
"Yeah, Ez. It's me."
Silence.
"Was there some point to this phone call," Ezra snapped impatiently, "or were you just calling to make sure I was asleep."
"Oh, hell, Ezra. 'M sorry. Jist fergit I called..."
"No! Wait!"
There was the sound of a heavy sigh.
"Didn't mean ta bother ya, Ez. Go back t' sleep. I didn't look at th' time."
"Mr. Tanner. Vin. Tell me why you called."
After another deep sigh, when Standish could almost feel the exhaustion and tension coming through the phone lines. He tried to wait patiently, knowing that Vin would only hang up if he showed the slighted hint of rushing him.
"I jist..., I wondered if ...mebbe you could give me a ride. M' jeep won't start."
"Surprise of surprises...," Ezra muttered.
"Fergit it. I'm sorry...."
"No! I apologize, Mr. Tanner. It is I who is being rude here. You called as a friend, and I treated you badly. I'll be right there. Just tell me where you are, and I'll come as soon as I'm dressed."
"I'm at Eric's. We jist got finished goin' over the plans. Really, Ez. Ya don't have ta come. I wasn't even lookin' at th' time. I'm sure Eric'll give me a ride. 'R I kin stay here. He already said he has pillows an' blankets an' I kin crash on his couch."
The wheels were turning in Ezra's head as his mind raced with all the things Vin was telling him, and all the things he wasn't. First, it was puzzling that Vin would call him, and not Chris. Things must be worse between the two friends than they had suspected. Secondly, Vin didn't seem to want to put Eric out by asking him for a ride. Perhaps he wasn't all that anxious to stay over at the fellow agent's home.
"I'll be right there. It's no trouble. None at all."
Several minutes later Ezra's jag pulled up in front of Eric Sutherland's home. To Standish's surprise, Vin's lean body slid out of the front seat of his jeep. Ezra had expected him to at least wait inside until he got there, but Vin apparently was reluctant to impose even that much on his host.
"Thanks, Ez," Vin shivered violently as he folded his long legs into the sleek sportscar. He held his hands out to the heater, rubbing them together. "I really 'preciate it."
"Didn't you think to stay inside?" Ezra couldn't help exclaiming. "Surely Mr. Sutherland would not force you to stay outside in the freezing weather to wait for a ride?"
"He..., he didn't. He didn't know I was out here. Didn't know I called ya, I don't think. Jist told him I's goin' home, an' I think he went on t' bed."
Ezra frowned, but decided not to pursue it any further. If it had been any of the rest of them, any one would have slept over at the other's home. But it was probably the Texan's overwhelming shyness that prevented him from imposing on someone he hadn't known for very long.
"I see."
"I really am sorry I called ya, Ez. I shoulda jist slept in th' jeep."
"You should have done no such thing! It's freezing out here. And if one friend can't give another friend a ride, than that doesn't make them a very good friend after all, now does it?"
"I guess not," Vin smiled shyly, then his eyes sparkled with a familiar mischief. "Jist call me any time ya need a ride, Ez. I'll bring th' jeep right to ya."
"Oh, sweet Lord," Ezra shuddered.
"You'd look good in a jeep, Ez. Hell, it's almost as good as being on a motorcycle. We'll go out in the summer. Put down the top. Hit th' highway and crank 'er up. Ah, you'll love it. The sun on your face..., the wind in yer hair..."
"The bugs in your teeth...," Ezra muttered darkly.
"Hell, Ez, yer no fun. Ever' one knows ya gotta keep yer mouth shut 'r yer livin' dangerous."
"I daresay being on a death trap such as your jeep or motorcycle is danger enough. Bugs flying in your mouth would be the least of my concerns."
"Well, all right then. It's a date."
"Now what just a minute! I never said I would go..."
Ezra's voice trailed off as he stole a glance at his team's sharpshooter. That little exchange seemed to have drained the last ounce of strength out of him, and Vin was now curled in the corner of the jag nearly asleep. He'd managed to turn his long, slim body just slightly, so that his back was leaning in the space between the seat and the door, with his head resting against the padded neck support. In the dim light from the car's dashboard and the overhead street lights, Vin looked every bit as young as he really was. Ezra swallowed hard to think what kind of strain this latest assignment was putting on their young sharpshooter, and how much of the strain was caused by being loaned out to a new team, how much was from being away from his regular team, and how much was caused by being away from regular contact with his boss and best friend.
Suddenly Standish made a decision, and at the next traffic light he turned the opposite direction and drove away from Purgatory. Vin could stand to be away from his rundown apartment for this night. Heaven only knew if the heat was actually working there anyway, not to mention the very real possibility that there would be no hot water. What Vin Tanner needed was a hot shower and a comfortable bed and a warm, safe place to sleep.
"Vin? Mr. Tanner? We're here," Ezra said softly. They'd all had enough experiences - and the bruises to show for it - in waking and startling their young sharpshooter. It didn't do to wake him physically unless you wanted to lose a hand. Either that, or find yourself facing the end of one of a startlingly extensive array of personal weaponry the man managed to conceal on his person.
"Huh? What?"
Sleepy blue eyes slowly opened, and Ezra was very much aware of just how young Vin looked then, blinking and gradually coming awake. He saw the frown crease the tired features as Vin realized where they were.
"This wasn't what I meant, Ez," he protested. "I thought you was takin' me ta my place."
"Nonsense," Ezra replied, popping the locks and getting out, leaving Vin to do the same. He beeped the alarm and headed from his locked garage into his townhouse. "Your apartment rarely has heat - except in the middle of a blazing summer, of course. It may not have hot water. And you don't look like you could make the four long flights of stairs that I know you'll take rather than risk getting into that rattletrap of an elevator."
"'At's my home yer bad-mouthin'," Vin warned, frowning.
Standish decided to take another tack.
"Yes. Well. In any event, you'll need a ride into work tomorrow, right? If you're already here, we can go in together. If you were at your apartment, you'd have to get a ride in from there, am I right? Not that I would begrudge the trip, mind you."
Vin visibly sagged, and Ezra saw him run shaking hands across his face and then through his long, tangled hair.
"I..., I hadn't thought of that, Ez. 'M sorry. Shouldn't a been s' selfish. Shoulda thought about how I was gonna git t' work t'morrow."
"Well, yes," Ezra started to feel guilty. Vin just looked so deflated, and so apologetic for putting him out.
"I don't mind having you here, at all, Mr. Tanner. You are always more than welcome. Now, how would you like to take a shower?"
"That sounds real good," Vin admitted, his voice even softer and more raspy from exhaustion. In the soft light of Ezra's elegant apartment, he could see the lines of worry and bone-deep tiredness lining the deep hollows of Vin's cheeks under the hard, delicate cheekbones. There were lines of tension around that full mouth, and Vin looked all but dead on his feet.
Ezra led the way to a large, beautifully furnished guest bedroom and into the adjoining bathroom. He opened the linen closet and drew out a stack of soft, fluffy towels, setting them on the corner of the wide marble vanity top. He next pulled out a clearly new bathrobe, thick and soft and blindingly white, and then reached onto another shelf. Ezra pulled out a traveler's kit, completely stocked with new toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, shaving kit, shampoo, soaps, lotions, and gels, in short, everything a guest could possibly want.
"Damn, Ez," Vin breathed softly. "This is nicer than some fancy hotel. Ya must have a lotta comp'ny."
Ezra stiffened a moment, to think that he rarely did have friends who would drop by or ones who would come for an extended visit. While Mother had drilled into him the importance of illusion and appearance, to always be prepared, his constant traveling from place to place as a child and young man had precluded making the kinds of friends who would make plans for extended get-togethers.
"Yes. Well. I'll find you something to wear. I believe I have a pair of sweatpants here somewhere that you'd be welcome to have."
"I don't want ta put ya out any more'n I already have," Vin protested.
"It's no bother, Mr. Tanner, really. I'm glad to do it."
Suddenly Ezra realized that he was speaking the truth. He really was glad to do it. He liked having this quiet, unassuming Texan in his house. And instead of the rare guests who he felt he had to impress and try to one-up, rather than flaunting his wealth and possessions in front of this young man who was obviously not used to such riches, he instead only wanted to make him comfortable.
"You take a shower. I'll meet you in the kitchen when you're done."
Vin looked like he was ready to protest, then sighed heavily and nodded. Ezra realized he was just too tired to argue.
"'Kay."
Ezra went back to his own room and found a pair of sweatpants and a warm sweater, then located a new package of soft cotton briefs, ending up with a pair of soft, warm, white socks. Carrying the pile of clothes back into the guest room, he nodded with satisfaction to hear the water still running in the shower.
Several minutes later Vin padded softly into the kitchen, wearing the sweatpants and sweater that Ezra had left out for him. He had a towel still around his shoulders, and was rubbing the ends of his damp hair.
Ezra was pleased to see a shy smile on Vin's face as he smelled the scent of an omelet, as his host slid the finished omelet onto a plate. He brought another one out of the warming oven, sitting that one down at his own place setting. There were slices of toast, and cubed melon as well, and Ezra was pouring cups of rich, steaming coffee.
"Damn, Ezra, ya didn't have ta do all this," Vin said, sliding into a chair as Ezra sat down across from him. "Everything looks and smells great."
"It was no trouble," Ezra smiled back warmly. "The omelets take no time at all, and you needn't worry about the coffee - it's decaffeinated."
Vin closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
"Sure don't smell like unleaded."
Standish rolled his eyes. "There's nothing like a good cup of coffee, even late at night, but I find either the caffeine keeps me awake, or I fall right to sleep but then wake up at two or three in the morning and then can't go back to sleep."
"That must be horrible," Vin teased, a corner of his mouth twitching.
"Well, it is, actually," Ezra shook his head. "But once I found this coffee, I find I can have the best of both worlds."
"This is really good, Ez. The melon is great. I ain't been eatin' nothin' but pizza lately, it seems. When I even get that. But don't be tellin' Nathan, 'r I'll hafta shoot ya."
Ezra was pleased to see Vin enjoying his meal. He'd noticed when Vin came into the kitchen that the sweatpants were hanging off his thin frame, and the sweater was literally hanging off his narrow shoulders. It wouldn't take him actually telling Nathan for the big man to realize that Vin had lost weight - more weight than he could afford to lose.
"It was my pleasure."
"I'm real grateful, Ez. More'n you know."
Standish swallowed the rich coffee, and debated whether to broach the subject he was so curious about.
"I have one question, Mr. Tanner. Vin. If I may be so bold."
The younger man flinched, his body instantly tense.
"Go 'head."
"Well, not that I mind..., not in the least. I want you to know that I was actually pleased, flattered as it were, that you called me. However, it puzzles me..., that you did not call Mr. Larabee when you needed a ride. I suppose I would have assumed he would have been your first choice for a rescue. Unless you had called him...?"
Vin sighed heavily, closing his eyes as a flash of pain crossed the delicate features.
"No. I didn't call him. Jist..., didn't think he'd want ta hear from me, is all."
"Why would you say that?"
One slender shoulder shrugged. Vin stood and walked over to the counter, near the coffee pot. His hands were clenched in white-knuckled fists as they clutched the edges of the countertop. Every muscle in his body radiated tension, and Standish winced inwardly at the sight of so much pain.
"Mr. Tanner," Ezra said softly, coming up to stand next to him, placing a hand on his back.
Vin whirled around, his face white and eyes widened in shock. Ezra flinched, startled by the sharpshooter's reaction, and quickly removed his hand and took a step back.
Tanner managed to recover quickly, and turned back to the counter. It was a testament to how distressed Vin was when he realized that the sharpshooter hadn't even been aware of his approach. Ezra watched as Vin pulled in a deep, shaky breath and tried to compose himself. He reached a slender hand toward the coffee pot, but Standish didn't miss the fact that his hand was trembling slightly.
"More coffee, Ezra?" he offered.
Ezra winced inwardly, but kept his reply smooth. "No, thank you. I'm good."
Vin just nodded, and turned to walk past.
"Mr. Tanner," Ezra held out a hand toward Vin's arm but didn't touch him. "If I could have a word, please."
Pain-filled blue eyes flickered up and then slid away. Vin set his coffee mug down, then crossed his arms, hugging them close to his body almost protectively.
"What's botherin' ya, Ez?" his voice was a soft rasp.
"I believe the question is, what's bothering you, Mr. Tanner."
One slender shoulder shrugged, and long fingers plucked at the fabric of the oversized sweater. Vin shook his head. He walked back to the table and sat down wearily. Ezra followed, grateful Vin hadn't left the room.
"Nothin'. Leastwise, nothin' I know about."
"Ahh... And that's where we have the problem."
"No problem."
Ezra sighed inwardly.
"I sense, Mr. Tanner, a cooling between yourself and Mr. Larabee."
The younger man tensed, and shook his head.
"Ain't nothin' ta worry on, Ezra."
"Your friends are concerned about you."
Ezra swallowed and took a deep breath. He wondered if his mother had any idea how hard she had made it for him to learn to open up to people, after all her years of training him to only care about himself.
"I am concerned about you."
Vin looked up, slightly stunned and maybe a touch leery.
"Don't gotta be."
"Well, unfortunately, I do have to be. You see, you are my friend, and when I see my friend in pain, that makes me concerned."
Vin's mouth tightened and his entire body radiated distress.
"I don't mean to pry, Vin, but we, all of us, have noticed a certain tension between you and our leader. I'm not asking you to divulge what the issue is, but if there is anything we can do to help, any one of us is at your disposal."
"That's jist it, Ez," the soft drawl was tinged with pain. "I keep tryin' ta think if'n I done somethin' ta piss him off, but I truly cain't think a nuthin'. It's jist..., he said a couple 'a things...."
The sad voice trailed off, and Ezra tried to endure patiently while Vin gathered his thoughts. When it became clear that Vin wasn't going to say anything more, he decided to press further.
"Said..., what kind of things?"
"Jist..., diff'rent comments about m' age, that I wouldn't question him if I had as much experience as he does, 'r that I'd know better when I get as old as him. Things like that. I..., I jist think..., maybe..., maybe's he's tired a puttin' up with how stupid I am. That..., that maybe..., he wishes he hadn't hired me."
Ezra gasped and opened his mouth to speak, but Vin was still talking and Ezra didn't want to interrupt. Lord knew that boy didn't often open up, and he realized an instant later that if he broke in to protest, Vin would clam up and no one would get another word out of him. It was nothing short of a miracle that Vin had revealed so much personal pain to him to begin with, and Ezra realized it was only because he was so deeply exhausted that he'd allowed himself to let his guard down.
"I know," Vin continued softly, turning his side toward Ezra and letting some of the loose waves curtain the side of this face, "that Chris took a chance on hirin' me. I know I didn't have no college degree; hell, I barely had th' GED. He went ta Travis and got the rules excepted that m' years in the' army would count. An' I know I jist barely passed th' written entrance exams. Hell, takes me ferever ta do m' reports, and half th' time there's major things wrong with 'em."
"Vin...," Ezra murmured, hurting for the obvious pain his friend was in. He tried to hide his emotions, when he wanted to take Larabee by the neck and squeeze some sense into the man. How brutally arrogant of him to make this kind, gentle, intelligent soul in front of him ache with self-doubt and uncertainty.
"Since I been gone he's realized that I'm too stupid fer him ta be around. That I'm too young, acts like I'm jist a kid. He don't wanna be around anyone s' young an' stupid."
"That's not true!"
"Hell, Ez," Vin retorted with a flash of anger. "Ya think I'm makin' this up? I ain't. He as much as told me ta my face. An' not only that, he... he...."
"He...what?"
"He's thinkin' a transferrin' me," said in an anguished whisper.
"What?! No! Mr. Tanner, I'm sure you misunderstood."
"Didn't misunderstand nothin', Ezra. I know I'm stupid an' all, but when my boss suggests I'd be a better fit with another team, it don't take no rocket scientist 'r brain surgeon to figure out that riddle."
"But..., but Mr. Larabee..., Chris..., he's your best friend. Why would he do that?"
"Ain'tcha heard nothin' I said? He told me..., told me that Team Five was all young.... Like me, he said. That it was a good fit fer me. Bein' s' young an' all."
Suddenly Ezra had the 'ah-ha!' moment. Young. The memories of recent events flew back to him. The comments at the Saloon. The teasing. Buck's eyebrow-waggling leer as he pointed out Eric Sutherland staring at Vin's ass and saying they looked so young and cute together. The comments by Josiah and Nathan that Vin was so young. The look on Chris's face as he'd watched Vin kidding around with JD, and how he'd looked when he thought no one saw, as he watched Eric so obviously flirting with their team's sharpshooter. The vision of Vin and Eric together, when Eric practically put his arm around the smaller man, laughing and in fun, but perhaps with a more deliberate intent.
Ezra knew that he would have to tread carefully, if there was any hint to what he was starting to suspect might be the case between their team leader and sharpshooter.
"I feel I must point out that Mr. Dunne is younger. He's not transferring him."
"Well, a' course not! JD's a fuckin' genius! Ever' team needs a genius! Don't matter none if he's young. But that's a little harder ta git than somebody's who's job is killin' people. Hell, anyone kin shoot a gun."
Ezra flinched. Surely Vin didn't believe that was all he was good for.
"Vin..., you're tired. Exhausted. All this stress is causing you not to think straight. I'm sure that Chris never meant to transfer you. And besides, your job is hardly 'killing people.' You keep us safe. You've saved each one of us more than once - myself at least several times alone. For which I am highly grateful and deeply indebted to you. You're an expert in figuring out how to set up the bust so that no one is shot. How many lives have you saved due to making the shot - the only possible shot without an inch to spare without killing a hostage? Sure, anyone can kill people if it's acceptable to hit any innocent bystander or hostage or fellow agent. And while Mr. Dunne may well have an inflated IQ, nobody, and I mean nobody, scores off the charts like you do in all the marksmanship tests and training evaluations throughout the entire ATF."
Vin slumped back in his seat, his eyes closed. Every fiber of his being screamed exhaustion. Finally he lifted his head, then slowly opened his eyes. Ezra nearly flinched at the intense pain and sadness he saw reflected in the wide, deep blue eyes.
"I don't think it matters to Mr. Larabee that our team sharpshooter is young, either. You've proven your worth as an Army Ranger in special forces, and you've saved all our lives more than once. Those episodes hardly had any of us asking for your driver's license to verify your age."
"My head hurts, Ezra," Vin sighed. "I'll do m' job, don't worry. Leastwise until I'm told there ain't no job ta do. But Chris made it clear we ain't friends no more, an' all I kin figure is 'cause he don't want ta be around no one fifteen years younger'n him. He's got Buck fer a friend. Don't need anyone else. They been friends longer than I been alive, an' he don't need a kid hangin' around botherin' him."
Ezra's stomach clenched at the pain and hurt in Vin's voice, sounding very much like a lost, lonely little boy.
"That's nonsense, Mr. Tanner," Ezra protested. "Why, look at Buck and JD. Their ages are as far apart as yours is to Mr. Larabee's."
"Shit, Ez," Vin's voice quivered with anger. "You know Buck thinks of JD as a kid brother. JD worships him, listenin' ta his stories an' gettin' advice with women an' shit like that. JD's smart, but he needs somebody ta look out fer him and teach him things an' jist be an older brother. Buck eats that shit up, and loves havin' JD followin' him around and teasin' him like kid brothers do. But Chris already has a bunch a' relatives, and he sure as hell don't need another one."
"Vin...,"
"Drop it, Ez. Please. I 'preciate yer concern an' all, but I'm fine. Jist..., let it go. Okay?"
"All right, Mr. Tanner. But I truly believe you are mistaken."
The corner of Vin's mouth twitched up slightly, but the sadness never left his eyes.
"That's jist th' thing, Ezra. Don't much matter what you or I think, now does it?"
The younger man shoved to his feet, taking his plate and silverware to the sink.
"I'll take care of that," Ezra stood. He carefully placed a gentle hand on Vin's arm, feeling the corded muscles tense under the softness of the fabric. "I'll just slip them into the dishwasher. You go on to bed. I found a pair of jeans that I bought but haven't had shortened yet. They should fit you, hopefully without falling off, provided your belt has enough notches in it."
He was rewarded when Vin quirked the faintest of smiles at him.
"Thanks, Ez. Yer a good friend."
"Things will look brighter in the morning, Vin. I'm sure this will all work out. If Mr. Larabee intends to transfer you - about which I still have my serious doubts - he will have a fight on his hands the likes of which he has rarely seen."
Vin blinked slowly.
"I ain't too sure what all ya jist said, but I kin tell yer lookin' out fer me, and I'm real grateful to ya. Don't wantcha ta worry none, though. I'll be fine."
There was a slight pause and Vin sighed before adding softly, "I always am."
"Good night, Vin."
"'Night, Ez."
+ + + + + + +
Chris woke up feeling surprisingly happy for not having a tangled mass of curls snuggled on his shoulder under his chin, and a lean, hard body pressed to his. He'd grown accustomed to Tanner's head resting on his shoulder, warm breath ghosting over his chest, and a long lean-muscled leg thrown over his. Chris was used to waking up with Vin's groin curved into his hip and with his arms around the smaller body. Sarah had been all soft womanly curves. Vin was nothing but sharp angles, hard muscles, and harder bones. There wasn't an ounce of fat on his sinewy frame, and yet it never failed to amaze Chris how right, how perfect, that young hard body fit into his.
Larabee stretched his arms above his head. He smiled, his eyes soft as he thought of the last time Vin had been in the hot tub. He'd purred like a damn cat, reluctant to leave the water even though his skin was turning into a prune. Chris had pulled him out, wrapping him in the soft fluffy white robe he held out.
Vin had smirked and accused him of stealing it from a hotel, making a show of hunting for the hotel logo or tag. He would have been mortified to know what Chris had spent on it, and Tanner would have harassed him to kingdom come every time he gave Ezra a hard time about the undercover agent's extravagant expense statements. Then again, Chris thought, it was much more likely that Vin would have gone all still, hardly daring to breathe, stunned that anyone, even Chris, would spend so much money on something just to make him happy.
Seeing the way Vin snuggled into the deep softness, hearing the faint sigh of pleasure, and watching Vin's long fingers caress the fluffy sleeve made it all worth it. Tanner had settled into the corner of the den to watch TV, his long fingers curling around the mug of sweet hot chocolate Chris handed down to him, knowing that coffee this late might keep them awake. Chris had stirred the fire, letting the embers die down for the night. Chris had smiled to see Vin watching him, and he'd crossed the room for a sweet, gentle kiss.
Vin would never know that for one brief second Chris had seen a much younger Vin. He'd had a flash where he saw Vin as an eight or ten year old boy, much as Adam had been. He wished Vin had been as protected, as cared for, as loved as Adam had been. The feelings Chris felt toward Vin were anything but paternal, and yet Vin looked so achingly young, all curled up on the couch tucked into his soft, fluffy robe and drinking hot chocolate.
The dying flames had caught the burnished gold and red highlights of Vin's hair as it had cascaded over the wide collar of the soft robe.
"Yer thinkin' awful hard, Cowboy."
Chris had startled, and looked into dark blue, faintly worried eyes. He'd smiled and set the cup down on the end table, then pulled Vin close to snuggled into his arms. He'd rested his chin on the shiny, silken curls, and had wrapped his arms around the slender body, holding him tight.
"Jist thinking about how much I love you."
"Hmmm...," Vin murmured skeptically. "And...?"
"And...," Chris had huffed impatiently, wondering why there was always a catch to a good thing. Like now, when Vin knowing his every mood and nearly every thought might not be such a good thing.
"I was thinking how young you looked," he had admitted, tightening his arms protectively when Vin had stiffened. "I love you, Vin. I wish your life had been easier. Sometimes its easy for the rest of us to forget just how young you are."
"That a problem fer ya, Lar'bee?" Chris had heard the hesitation and wariness in his soft voice.
"Nope," he'd smiled, leaning down and placing a kiss on the straight, perfect nose. "I kind of like seeing you look all of seventeen once in awhile. Like this, when we're alone and I know you feel safe with me. I love knowing I make you feel safe.
Vin had huffed quietly, then smiled. "Ain't no kid. Ain't seventeen."
Chris had winced when he suddenly realized that Vin at twenty-four was far closer to seventeen than he was to Chris's age of thirty-nine. Ah, well. He wasn't robbing the cradle and no one from Children's Protective Services was after him.
Chris laughed out loud and shoved the covers away to make his way to the bathroom. Vin still got carded occasionally in out of town or unfamiliar bars, much to the bemusement of Josiah and Nathan and Ezra, and the hysterical amusement of Buck. JD claimed he didn't drink, but Chris suspected he was tired of getting carded every single time he ordered alcohol, since they'd seen him have an occasional beer at Chris's ranch when the team gathered there. It amused Buck to no end to think of the small arsenal Vin carried hidden and tucked away on his body, and knowing just how ruthless and deadly the young man could be. If they ever saw that side of Tanner, Buck had declared, the waiters and servers would pee their pants before ever asking for identification from agent Tanner again.
He was feeling really happy after his talk with Josiah. He'd been foolish to have turned against Vin based on his age. How sick was it, that after all the times Vin had been shunned and mistreated for things that weren't his fault - his years in foster homes and orphanages because he had no family, the times he was homeless and lived on the streets because it was safer there than with some of the men given custody of him in foster care, the struggles he'd had overcoming his learning disability of dyslexia - that now Chris himself was pulling back merely because Vin was several years younger than he was. Hell, if the fact that Vin was a man and he loved him more than anything, how big of an idiot did it make him to think that their age difference was important?
Chris decided to call Vin and see if he wanted to ride in together. He couldn't wait to see Vin, apologize and grovel for forgiveness. Then hope the younger man would see that he was sincerely sorry. Knowing Vin, he'd get some mileage out of agreeing with Chris when he admitted he'd been an idiot.
Chris wasn't able to get an answer at either Vin's home number or his cell phone. He kept trying both lines as he finished his coffee, rinsed the cup, grabbed his briefcase and left.
Still in a good mood, Chris drove past Vin's apartment. Shaking his head at his foolishness, he realized that of course Vin would have been gone by then. Vin was always the first one in the office. Chris shrugged and hoped he'd be able to see Vin in the federal building, either in Team Seven's office or on the floor where Team Five was assigned.
On the spur of the moment and still feeling happy and excited that he'd finally managed to get his head out of his ass and come to his senses, he decided to further shake up his team a little and bring pastries to the office this morning. Grinning at the thought of Vin's delight, he detoured through a different neighborhood to go to the new bakery Tanner had found. He loved the dark chocolate frosted caramel-filled Danish. Nathan would frown and shake his head at the decadence, so Chris decided he'd have them throw in a couple whole wheat or oat bran muffins. Chris smiled to himself at knowing he'd see that little boy smile on Tanner's face when he realized his lover had brought his favorite treats.
Suddenly Chris froze, slamming on the brakes.
There was Vin's jeep. Parked outside a house in an unfamiliar neighborhood. It had to be Vin's jeep - no one else's dark blue jeep was that beat up in those specific ways. Chris's eyes flew to the license plate. Yep. Vin's jeep. The ice green eyes narrowed and hardened. Chris looked at the address again. It was Eric Sutherland's address; Chris knew it.
"That little shit!" Chris hissed, slamming the steering wheel with his hand. "That little fucker is cheating on me! Says he loves me with all his heart, and the next minute he's hopping into bed with Mr. GQ underwear model. Guess he took my age a little seriously, too. Decided to go for someone his own age after all."
Chris fumed all the way to the federal building, barely paying attention to the traffic he was so steamed. In his mind he ranted and raved in fury.
Larabee sped through the parking deck, barely slamming on the breaks in time to keep from hitting the wall in front of his usual parking space. He didn't see Sutherland's little sports car there yet. That was no surprise.
"Probably spending the morning in the shower," he snarled to himself, trying not to think of the last time he'd been in the shower with Vin. Chris's stomach lurched as the unbidden image of a sexy, wet Vin with Eric's hands on him invaded his thoughts.
Chris could barely contain his impatience as the elevator stopped on nearly every floor to let off government workers. He stormed into Team Seven's offices, slamming the door hard. Buck, Nathan, JD, and Josiah looked up with varying mixtures of alarm and consternation. Of course Ezra wasn't there yet; he never was in before an hour late unless threatened by pain of death, his mind registered. His eyes flew to Tanner's empty desk.
"JD!" Chris snapped and the youngest member of the team whipped his head around in fright. His eyes were huge and he paled visibly.
"Yes, Sir?" he squeaked.
"Call down to Team Five's offices for me. Tell them to send Tanner up when he gets in. I need to talk to that little shit in my office. And I don't care what Frank Morgan says. He can give me five minutes; that's all I'll need."
"But...," Dunne croaked hesitantly.
"Just do it!" Chris thundered, his eyes slitting as he stared hard at the younger man.
"Now just hold on a minute, Stud," Buck's eyes flashed as he angered at Chris snapping at JD. "JD ain't done nothin' to justify you getting all in his face this morning."
"You want to just can the speech, Buck," he hissed. Larabee looked around the room into every face, and the men couldn't remember a time when they'd seen their senior agent so angry. And certainly not like this toward any one of them. Each man secretly said a small prayer of thanks that they were not the one he was angry at, and none of them envied Vin Tanner.
"I don't know what Tanner did, or what you think he did," Buck continued, standing up and facing Chris across the room. "But whatever it was, you ain't gotta be dumping all this shit on us."
"Back off, Buck. Just get his ass in my office the minute he gets here, you understand?" Chris looked around the room, ice green eyes flashing sparks of fury. "JD - what are you waiting for? You're supposed to be calling them."
"Uh, ..., um...., uh...."
"Perhaps if you stopped bellowing for one moment, and actually listened instead of snarling at us, you would have discovered that such phone call is unnecessary," Ezra's smooth voice came from behind Larabee, in the direction of the break room.
Chris's head snapped around to see Ezra standing in the doorway to the break room, calmly stirring a mug of coffee.
Vin Tanner silently slid into the room from behind Ezra.
"You needed ta see me, Boss?" his voice was low and hard, with an extra emphasis on the word 'boss.'
The other five men exchanged uneasy glances. Larabee wasn't the only one in the room with a hard glare and flashing eyes. Suddenly each man found plenty of interesting work to do at his own desk. Ezra gave a last look toward Vin, as if silently asking whether he was all right. Vin gave a small, tiny nod.
"Thanks fer the ride in, Ez," he acknowledged the Southerner, then turned his glare toward Chris.
There was a dangerous stillness in the younger man, and for a moment the air seemed to crackle with tension.
"My office. Now."
Chris turned on his heel and strode into his office, standing impatiently with his hand on the door. When the younger man took his time, detouring past his desk to set his coffee down, Chris's face grew more red from anger. As Tanner slid past, the door slammed shut behind him.
Concern was on the faces of the other five men.
"You..., you think he'll be okay?" JD hesitantly asked.
"Junior can take care of himself," Buck assured his younger roommate, although he didn't sound very confident.
"If he gets Vin too riled, it might be Chris who needs to worry," Josiah grinned.
"True. I've seen that boy fight, and he can be deadly when he has to be," Buck agreed.
"Just what the hell did you think you were doing?" Chris hissed.
"I'm not sure I understand what yer askin'," Vin glared back. "Me bein' s' young an' stupid an' all."
"You spent the night with Eric Sutherland. That's what I'm asking you about, Tanner."
"Are you checkin' up on me?" Vin's voice grew quiet and deadly.
"I tried to find you this morning. I tried to call you to offer you a ride in to work. Wanted to talk to you. But then first there's no answer at either your apartment or your cell phone. Then I drive past Sutherland's and see your jeep parked there."
"You drove by his house?"
"I was going to that new bakery."
"Uh huh. You drove by his house."
"Tanner..."
"Jist who the hell do you think you are, Lar'bee? You made it clear you're my boss and that's all you want to be. So when I'm off the clock, you kin jist stay the hell outta my life. You don't want to have anything ta do with me, so you don't get ta throw a fit about what I do with my life when I'm not here. You don't get to decided what I do or who I do it with. And I sure as hell don't need your permission. You got that ?"
"God damn it all to hell, Tanner," Chris's voice rose to a shout. "You tell me you care about me and the next day you're spending the night between the sheets with someone younger? You sure got over our relationship fast, Tanner."
Vin paled and grew completely still. His eyes were huge, but Chris frowned when he saw sadness replace the anger.
"I wasn't sleepin' with him, Chris. And it ain't because he didn't want it. I'm th' one didn't want it. Don't quite know how you c'ld think that. Ya know yer th' only one fer me. I trusted ya, Chris."
He swallowed hard before continuing.
"I thought you trusted me."
"Vin..."
The younger man turned away, but Chris was closer to the door and put out a hand to stop him from leaving, strong fingers circling the slender wrist. Tanner flinched, and Chris felt his stomach clench hard as he released his hold.
The jag! Chris knew something had seemed slightly odd or out of place this morning when he pulled into the parking deck. But he'd been so blinded by anger and jealousy that it hadn't registered. He's been so focused on the fact that Sutherland's car wasn't there that it hadn't registered that Standish's jag was.
Suddenly Ezra's voice broke through into his memory.
"Wait a minute. You..., you thanked Ezra for a ride this morning."
Hard blue eyes stared at him.
"Oh God. You didn't stay there last night. Vin.... Shit!"
More stony silence, and Chris felt his heart drop. One look into those hard blue eyes and he knew. Fuck. Vin was pissed, but good.
"Tanner. I'm sorry."
"How could you think I'd do that? You actually think I'd run off and jump between th' sheets with th' first good lookin' guy who was ta ask me? Ya think thing 'm that desperate fer affection I'd let anyone fuck me jist ta git laid?"
"No, Vin. I know you wouldn't. I just got crazy. I'm sorry. Jesus, I'm so sorry. When I saw your jeep there...., and I couldn't get you on your phone..."
"My jeep died last night. An' from our little conversation earlier, you made it clear you wanted nothin' ta do with me. If you must know, and not that it's any a yer business, I called Ezra. Spent th' night in his guest room."
"And he got you in early this morning," Chris added softly, knowing that getting up and in to work early was something Standish would only do for a true friend, someone he really cared about.
"He's a good friend."
"Yes. He is. A better friend than I am."
Chris ran his hand through his straight blond hair, and looked sideways at the younger man.
"God, Vin. You could say you disagree with me."
"Shit. Who says I do?"
Chris turned so he was facing Vin fully, and stepped slightly closer. He was relieved when Vin didn't back away, but a little disheartened when the younger man crossed his arms in front of his chest protectively.
"Vin. Dammit, Vin, I'm so, so sorry. I've been letting this whole age thing get to me. All this talk about how young you are, and how I'm turning forty. I never thought it would bother me, but JD talking about you getting carded in the bar the last time you two went out, and then...."
"Then what?" Vin prompted softly into the silence.
Chris sighed heavily.
"Then....., seeing you with Eric. Shit, Vin. He's tall. He's good looking. Strong and athletic and handsome and popular. You looked good beside him. You looked ... perfect."
"So jist like that you gave up on me? Decided I needed someone younger? Fuck you, Lar'bee. You don't git ta make that decision. I've had people makin' my decisions all my fuckin' life, an' when I w's a kid I didn't have no say. But once I got out of the army, now I do have a say. And you sure as hell don't git ta decide who I fall in love with."
Chris flinched at the anger and pain behind those words.
"I know. I know! It was stupid and thoughtless and I was an idiot. I love you, Vin. But I got so scared. I thought maybe you didn't belong with someone like me. I thought you maybe needed someone younger who could keep up with you. God, Vin. You're so beautiful, so wild. And seeing you with him.... I just felt old. Like I was keeping you from something better. That ..., that I didn't deserve you."
Vin blinked, stunned.
"That..., you didn't deserve me? You...., didn't deserve me? Hell, Lar'bee! Every night a' my life I go ta sleep thinkin' I'll wake up an' you'll be gone. That it's all a dream an' I'm back in the hellish nightmare my life was b'fore I met you. You're everything ta me, Cowboy. I love you. I don't love yer age. I don't want a fuckin' model. Hell, Lar'bee, I like knowin' you like m' looks but I sure as hell don't think they're anything special. Shit. You're it for me, Chris. And you sure as hell don't have anything to worry about from Eric, whether ya think ya do 'r not. I wouldn't want anything ta do with someone who's 'hobby' is checking himself out in a mirror twelve times a day. But you..., you walk inta a room an' everyone notices."
"That's because I'm there beside you," Chris allowed himself a small smile. "They're all wondering who's the stunningly gorgeous man beside me."
Vin tinged a faint pink, but shook his head.
He frowned, not quite willing yet to forgive his lover.
"I cain't b'lieve ya'd think I was that shallow. That you would actually think I would instantly love someone jist because they're good looking. Is that all you think of me? A body?"
"God, no! How could you say that!?"
"'Cause it seems ta me that's what you think I should be thinkin' a you."
"Oh, God, Vin. I've completely screwed this up. I let my ego get in the way of everything and I almost ruined the best thing in my life. Yeah, I love how you look, Vin. I love your face and your bottomless sapphire blue eyes. I love your hair and the way it turns gold in the summer and glints red from the fireplace in the winter. I love your body and seeing you naked and knowing I'm the only one you trust to be with. But I love you, Vin. I love all of you. I love your heart and your soul. I love the way you look after the old people in your apartment and care about the kids in your neighborhood. I love the way you volunteer to work on the outside of Josiah's mission even though you think I never noticed that you never go inside. I love how you torment Nathan but secretly eat salad and whole-grain muffins when he's not looking."
Chris felt a flicker of hope when Vin snorted softly, and Chris saw a hint of a smile trying to break through.
"I love that you have unlimited patience with JD's incessant questions and the way you take him to the gun range when you can tell I'm ready to strangle him. I love how you let Buck tease you about girls. I love that you were the first - maybe the only - one of us to see behind Ezra's behavior and attitude to find the good-hearted soul underneath the over-confident and condescending exterior."
Chris swallowed and took another step closer. He could see into Vin's eyes, and saw the emotions flickering below the glistening surface.
"I love the way you let Nettie mother you, and I love knowing that you are her boy and she'll give anyone hell who would dare to hurt you. I love watching you with the horses, and God, Vin,... watching you ride. Seeing you so free and so... alive. It's a feeling like I've never felt before, and a love I've never felt so completely and so enduringly. I need you, Vin. I need you to forgive me. I need you to love me. Like I love you, Vin. Like I always will. Please forgive me, Vin."
"Cowboy?"
"Yeah?" Chris could hear the hesitancy and hope in his voice.
"Shut up and kiss me."
The five men in the bullpen looked at each other. They'd heard the shouting earlier, although the walls and insulation were good enough that they couldn't make out the words. The silence was almost as unnerving.
"Do...., do you think they killed each other?" JD finally asked.
"If they did, I'll bet it was Vin who killed Chris," Josiah offered. "That boy was mighty riled."
"Chris was pretty pissed off himself," Buck shook his head. "I've seen him that angry at me before, and it's not an experience I ever want to have again."
"May I suggest a wager, gentlemen?" Ezra smiled, his gold tooth gleaming as he straightened a cufflink under his jacket sleeve.
Just then the inner office door opened and five pairs of eyes flew toward the door. When Vin stepped out with Chris visible in the doorway, suddenly those five pairs of eyes intently scrutinized computer screens and desk tops and file drawers.
"I'll dump out m' coffee," Vin said as he walked past his desk. "Probably cold by now."
"All right," Chris said. "You be safe today, you hear? Watch your back."
"Always do," Vin grinned and winked.
Seeing that no one was watching, Chris allowed himself a small smile before turning back to his own office. He hadn't let Tanner leave without a promise from the smaller man that he'd be out to the ranch that evening after work, no matter what.
A pair of green eyes narrowed in the corner of the room, and a certain undercover agent nodded thoughtfully to himself. If he were a betting man, and he was, he would have bet that one Vincent Tanner had left that office looking thoroughly well kissed. Yes, that little talk he'd had with Mr. Tanner seemed to have paid off, and things were right again within the Larabee-Tanner relationship.