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+ + + + + + +Chris sighed heavily as he looked at the clock yet once again. The others had long since left, leaving him alone in the office. Vin had promised to come get him when he was finished with Team Five, so they could go out to the ranch together. He was impatient and restless as the time continued to pass with no sign of Vin. Larabee felt himself getting irritated that the job was keeping his young lover from him.
Then suddenly he smirked and shook his head.
'Shit. This is what it's like for Vin when the job keeps me here working late,' he thought to himself. 'Tanner sits out there and works on his own reports, or catches up with the latest information on new weapons and technologies. I guess I never realized how hard it is to be patient when you're the one waiting.'
With a new appreciation for how much self-control it took not to complain about the delay, Chris turned back to his own work. It wasn't as though he didn't have enough to keep him busy, he thought wryly. But he wasn't a patient person, and it took all he had in him not to pick up the phone, call Morgan, and demand that he let Vin go home for the day.
"You 'bout ready, Cowboy?" a soft voice asked from the doorway.
Chris jumped. He hadn't heard the elevator, hadn't heard the door to the stairway open. Vin wasn't there, and then suddenly he was.
"You trying to give me a heart attack, Tanner?" Chris demanded, feeling his heart race.
"Sorry," Tanner grinned, not looking the least bit regretful.
"Buck's right. I need to put a damn bell on you."
"Jist try it," Vin rolled his eyes.
"Missed you," Chris's eyes softened.
"Missed you, too."
Chris couldn't help checking the rearview mirror to make sure the lights of the jeep were behind him until the cutoff toward the ranch. They'd ordered pizza to be ready for pickup, and Chris went toward home to take care of the horses while Vin drove to get the pizza. Fortunately the neighbor boy had come earlier so there wasn't much to do but make sure there was plenty of feed and fresh water. Chris was inside washing up when Vin came in with the pizza. He raised an eyebrow at the extra box.
Vin grinned at Chris's puzzled look.
"Mrs. Montini sent an order of cinnamon-sugar breadsticks. Tucked in a little tub of vanilla frosting besides. She claimed it was left over, but I ain't too sure about that."
Chris rolled his eyes. "Women are always trying to fatten you up, Tanner."
"Oh, like you're so fat yourself."
Chris pulled a couple cold beers from the fridge and they sat down to eat.
"You sure you don't want any more to eat?" Chris frowned. Vin had only had two slices of pizza and less than a fourth of the cinnamon bread.
"I'm full," he shook his head. "The cinnamon bread will be good for breakfast. We can heat it in the microwave. Unless you want the rest."
"Nope. That sounds like a good idea."
The two men worked side by side in a comfortable silence, getting their few dishes done and the horses settled for the night. Chris finished setting the alarms, then turned to his lover. He slid an arm about Vin's waist, drawing the younger man to him. He leaned down, threading long fingers through the soft curls, then cupped Vin's face in his hand, and tilted his head down for a kiss.
"Come upstairs with me?" he whispered.
Vin's eyes softened and he looked at Chris with such love that the older man's breath caught. Such a simple thing - asking. Not demanding. Not presuming. Vin nodded and together they walked up the stairs side by side holding hands.
Chris got through the bathroom first, then decided to lay out his clothes for the next day while Vin washed up and brushed his teeth. That might give them longer in the shower in the morning, he thought with anticipation, knowing how much Vin loved it when Chris washed his hair. He crawled under the covers and propped himself up against the stack of pillows to wait.
The door to the bathroom opened, and in the soft, dim light of the muted bedside lamp Chris saw a sight that took his breath away. Vin was standing in the doorway. Soft shining curls glinted red and gold strands throughout the rich brown. The light caught the blue of his eyes, sapphire dark against the delicate features of his high cheekbones. The tanned body was sculpted and muscled, small and delicate and yet hard and strong at the same time.
But molded to the perfect rounded ass and caressing the long, lean legs was what caused Chris to blink and swallow hard. Hanging low off the narrow hips and taut, flat belly was a pair of white silk sleep pants.
"Where..., where did you get those?" Chris managed to croak.
Vin, who had until that moment been standing stock still, almost paralyzed with wariness and embarrassment, managed a small smile.
"You like 'em? I was savin' 'em."
"Like them?! I don't think I've ever seen anything sexier in my whole life."
"'Was kinda the reaction I was hopin' for."
"Oh, believe me. There's a lot more 'reaction' under the sheets. Come here."
White teeth flashed as Vin laughed. He walked across the large bedroom and Chris felt he'd never get tired of watching Vin move. The man's walk was more like a graceful, cat-like glide, silent and smoothly elegant. The younger man's eyes were darkened with lust, and Chris felt vaguely like a mouse being stalked by a wild, golden tiger.
"So where did you get these?" he asked again.
"Now, don't go gittin' mad when I tell ya."
"Ezra."
Chris bit the name off hard.
"Well, maybe indirectly, you."
"Me!?"
"Well, ya did sign th' expense report."
"I thought they were his. It was a rare moment of weakness that won't happen again. Didn't feel like arguing any more."
"Are ya glad ya didn't? Argue, that is?"
"Absolutely," Chris grinned ferally and Vin shivered.
Then Larabee frowned with a sudden thought. "Did he see you in these?"
Chris didn't like the wicked gleam that sparkled in Vin's vivid blue eyes.
"Oooh..., I think he's jealous," Vin sing-songed.
With surprising speed, Chris leapt off the bed, sprang across the few feet separating him from his lover, and grabbed the younger man, tossing him to the mattress.
Vin found himself pinned to the bed flat on his back, his slender body trapped and held down by the bigger man. Chris grinned ferally into startled blue eyes. He winced inwardly at the momentary flash of fear he'd seen in Vin's face before his mind caught up to knowing he was safe.
"Shh..., it's all right, baby," he whispered. "I won't hurt you. I'd never hurt you."
Vin's eyes lowered and he looked upset.
"I know, Chris. I know ya'd never hurt me. I'm sorry."
"Hey, it's okay. Vin. Look at me."
Sad blue eyes met his.
"I'm sorry I grabbed you. I didn't mean to scare you, Vin."
"It's all right," the younger man assured him. "'M fine."
"But you are mine," Larabee swooped down to claim a quick kiss from that luscious mouth. "And I am jealous. I don't want anybody seeing your hot, sexy body but me. You got that?"
Vin's eyes softened with love and desire. Chris sat up, straddling the strong, lean thighs as he continued to press the fine-boned wrists into the mattress. He let his gaze travel down the smooth, hairless chest and belly, knowing Vin's tanned skin would feel like satin over steel-hard muscles. In their brief struggle the silk pants had slipped that much lower, until the loose elastic waistband barely contained the hard curve of Vin's erection.
"I'll have to thank Ezra," Chris purred. "I think I like you in white silk."
Vin shivered under that icy green gaze that raked his body. Vin suddenly thought he might try to sneak a look at the expense report receipts. If Chris loved how he looked in white silk, Vin could only imagine how the blond would look in matching black silk. He didn't care if it was hokey; just the thought of seeing Chris in that outfit made him hot and horny as hell.
"Chris," Vin looked up, blue eyes soft and pleading. "Need you. I need ya now, Cowboy."
Chris swallowed hard, hoping he could hold off long enough to make this good for both of them. He could come right then just from looking at Vin, and it was all he could do to keep from ripping the thin fabric off him, flipping Vin over onto his belly, kicking his knees wide apart while grabbing his ass to raise it up and then slamming his fat hard dick into that tight, hot, tiny opening again and again and again.
Chris drew a shuddering breath and closed his eyes until he could compose himself.
"Lar'bee? You okay?"
Chris smiled down into Vin's worried face.
"More than okay."
He placed Vin's hands around the wooden spindles of the headboard, briefly curving his long fingers around Vin's.
"Stay."
Chris proceeded to worship Vin's body. His hands and fingers and lips and tongue nipped and pulled and bit and tweaked and soothed over every bit of Vin's face, chest, neck and belly. Every nerve ending was thrumming with sensation until Vin was whimpering with exquisite agony. Chris delighted in the small sounds and moans he was able to draw from his lover, knowing that only he was the one Vin would trust enough to fully let go. The tangled head was thrashing back and forth, the slender chest and ribs arching into the contact while the muscles of his neck and arms were corded tight.
Chris reveled in the contact, not able to get enough of sucking on and then tweaking the tiny velvet nipples. His tongue lapped at one and then he blew over it, raising it to pebble hardness. His teeth captured it gently, then his tongue flicked over the captured bud until Vin was panting and a fine sheen of sweat broke out on the golden-tanned body. Chris next pressed his tongue into the nipple, the push of his tongue pressing the hard bud against the taut muscle over bone. While Chris tormented one nipple with his mouth, teeth, and tongue, the other nipple was given equal attention. Chris rolled the tiny bud between his thumb and forefinger, then pressed it flat into the firm chest with the palm of his hand. Vin whimpered as the blond grasped the pebbled nipple, pulling it up and away from Vin's lean chest, then twisting it gently back and forth between his fingers.
Suddenly Chris switched, moving his mouth to the other nipple and his hand to the one his mouth just left.
Tanner gasped sharply.
"Chrisss...! Don't! Stop...Oh, Jesus.... Don't...stop!! Oh god oh god oh god oh god..."
Larabee was afraid they would both lose it any second. He smoothed his hands gently down the hard ladder of Vin's ribs.
"Shhh..., it's okay.... I got you, baby.... Shh...."
"Chrrrriiiissss...," Vin gasped, panting and trying to catch his breath.
Larabee continued murmuring and gentling his overwrought lover. He knew Vin's every nerve was stimulated and thrumming with sensation. Their hard cocks were trapped between their bodies and Chris's erection was getting painful. He could only imagine that Vin's was so much worse.
Chris sat up, reaching for the tube of warming lube and keeping it close to Vin's hip. His gaze settled on that high curve of Vin's long shaft, straining and tenting against the bright white silk. Sliding himself lower, he placed his mouth over Vin's dick through the soft fabric.
Vin gasped and bucked hard against Chris's face. His breath was coming hard and fast and Chris could see the vein in his long slender neck racing as his heart pounded. Vin's eyes were dark and glazed with passion, and his body glistened with a faint sheen of sweat against the deep tan. Chris had never seen anything so beautiful.
Knowing his lover was close, Chris slid the silk over Vin's cock, watching as the wondrous, hard flesh sprang free and curved high, arching over Vin's flat belly. Chris hurriedly shoved the material down and out of the way, pulling it down off the long legs and over the slender feet.
"Much as I love seeing you in this silk," his voice was low and sultry, "it's time we got you out of these."
Chris knelt between the now bare legs, parting Vin's thighs by holding onto his knees and pushing them wide apart. He moved his hands up over the strong thighs, then rolled Vin's balls between the long fingers of one hand. With his other hand Chris grasped the hard flesh at the base in those surprisingly soft, dark curls.
Tanner stiffened, his body as tightly strung as a taut arrow, and he nearly stopped breathing. Vin's hips and back arched, high and tight. Chris dragged his teeth lightly across the thick vein at the underside of Vin's swollen cock, before encasing him fully with his mouth.
Vin screamed his name and then exploded violently. Chris had to grip the slender hips tightly to keep from being bucked off the bed. Vin's head thrashed wildly on the pillow as hard shudders and tremors shook the slight frame.
Chris sucked and lapped at the firm flesh, delighting in being the only one Vin trusted enough that he would let go so completely. Chris opened his eyes, trying to look up across the glistening body, drinking in the sight of his young lover and reveling in the wildness he could bring out in the younger man. So hot, so sexy. God, he loved this man.
Chris pulled and tugged at the base of Vin's cock, playing with the tightly drawn-up balls and milking the shaft until there was nothing left. He lapped at and swallowed the last of Vin's come, finally releasing the now-limp flesh.
Chris moved up long Vin's side, kissing the sharpshooter deeply and thoroughly, knowing Vin would taste himself on Chris's lips.
Drowsy blue eyes slitted open, and Chris smiled down into blue as deep and clear as the Texas sky.
"Hey."
"Hey, yourself," white teeth flashed in a shy smile, and dimples creased the sides of Vin's cheeks.
Chris reached up a long arm, strong fingers pulling Vin's hands away from their grip on the headboard. He massaged the tight muscles of the broad shoulders, biceps, and forearms, knowing Vin might be sore tomorrow.
"You okay?" he asked, a worried frown showing he'd seen the flash of pain as Tanner winced when he lowered his arms.
"Feelin' no pain," he grinned.
Then Tanner looked down pointedly and raised an eyebrow. "Now you, on the other hand, are lookin' like you could use some help there with yer little problem."
"Little?!" Chris glared in mock outrage.
Vin laughed, and it was that rare little-boy sound that no one heard except him and then only rarely. Chris delighted in knowing that only he could get Vin to laugh like that, and it was a joy and a gift to be treasured. Only Chris ever saw Vin like this: naked, relaxed, happy. Soft curls dark with sweat. Well-fucked and well loved. Larabee's green eyes softened.
"God, I love you, Tanner."
Vin stilled and caught his breath. His eyes widened and searched Chris's face for the truth he saw shining back at him. With a look of awe he brought his hands to either side of Chris's face. Pulling the older man to him, Vin kissed and licked and nipped at the tempting lips, tracing their fullness, exploring the dip he was so fascinated with, and then thrusting his tongue into the moist depths of tongue and teeth and mouth.
Chris's earlier erection had flagged somewhat after the passionate sensation of making Vin come. As Vin's tongue explored every space of his lips and mouth, Chris felt himself getting harder with a force and speed that startled him. His breath quickened as Vin's strong fingers carded through his short blond hair, then down across his neck to grip the powerful shoulders. Long fingers kneaded and stroked the hard muscles and Chris was soon moaning into Vin's mouth.
The younger man pulled back, and finally had to use his hands on either side of Chris's face to break the contact. Larabee frowned and shook his head, wondering what was wrong.
"Need you, Cowboy," Vin's drawl was low and made even more raspy with lust. "Need you inside me."
Chris gasped and nodded into that flushed face and sweat-sheened features. He sat up and reached for a tightly rolled pillow. Curving long fingers around the firm globes of Vin's ass, he lifted the smaller man's hips and slid the pillow under him to support his back. Chris reached for the lube and opened the cap without ever taking his eyes off Vin's.
Chris spread lube on his fingers, then slid his hands down below the ball sac until he found the tiny puckered opening. His fingers traced the opening, smoothed across it pressing lightly, and then Chris finally pushed one finger inside.
Vin gasped and tightened his muscles automatically, while Chris murmured soothingly to him, telling him to relax and breath. All the while he continued to rub slow, soothing circles over his taut, flat belly. Vin's breathing evened out; he gave a slight nod. Chris inserted a second finger.
"God, Vin," he gasped. "You feel so good."
"Now, Chris. Need ya now."
"Ain't gonna hurt ya," Chris shook his head. "Let's see you take three."
Vin's eyes widened at the pure lust in Chris's voice. They dilated with desire until nearly black, and he gasped and fought to control his breathing.
Chris cupped his hand and pressed three fingers inside Vin's tiny opening, twisting and scissoring them until he felt the tight ring of muscle loosen and relax.
Taking a deep breath, Chris removed his hand and spread more lube on his cock. It took every last ounce of his formidable self-control not to come when the cool gel hit his overheated and over-stimulated cock.
Gripping the jutting pelvic bones, Chris carefully lined up the head of his thick swollen dick and slowly pressed inside.
"Jesus! Oh God! So hot. So fucking tight!"
Larabee's neck muscles strained and he gritted his teeth, struggling to give Vin's body the time it needed to adjust to the pressure. Vin panted, making himself relax.
"Move, damn it, Lar'bee," he growled.
That was all the signal Chris needed for encouragement. He slowly, exquisitely pushed into Vin's body, until his cock was buried to the hilt and his balls pressed tightly against Vin's ass. His eyes squeezed shut, and he held himself still. The sensation of being so tightly encased by Vin's moist heat was so overwhelming that he could hardly stand it.
"Move, Cowboy, 'fore I shoot ya."
Chris opened he eyes, and he felt an overpowering sense of awe at the sight of this beautiful man beneath him. He'd never seen anyone so strikingly attractive, and yet Vin's total oblivion to his own good looks only served to make him more stunning. The combination of delicate features, slim build, fine boned wrists and ankles and yet at the same time having a firm jaw and hard cheekbones was a blend of soft and hard that was uniquely Vin. His body was a heady mix of sculpted muscles beautifully defined over the lean frame, and Chris knew he had never seen such an exquisite creature in his entire life. The shining long curls, tangled and sweat damp; the exotic eyes, huge and clear and sapphire blue; and the love shining from those eyes created a sensation that Chris knew he would surrender to always.
Chris gasped at the bone-deep knowledge of his love for Vin Tanner. He'd never felt such awe and such passion. Tears glistened unshed in the dark green eyes as Chris realized he'd never loved anyone so completely and so totally and with every fiber of his being. It was incredible, and the flood of passion and emotion threatened to overwhelm him. He had a desire, no, a need, to be one with Vin. If he could have pushed his entire body inside Vin's, he would have.
Chris could contain himself no longer. He spread his knees, pushing Vin's legs further apart and granting himself closer access to Vin's opening. His strong hands gripped the slender hips as he shoved into Vin over and over, faster and deeper. Vin's long fingers gripped his forearms, as Vin leveraged his body up to meet Chris's thrust for thrust.
Chris paused briefly, although he continued to press his groin tightly to Vin's. He stepped over Vin's right thigh with his left knee, effectively keeping Vin's left leg down between his thighs. Then he reached behind him to grasp the back of Vin's knee and calf. Twisting Vin's body at the waist, Chris pulled Vin's slender ankle up over his shoulder.
Vin's ass was spread wide and tight for him, Tanner's incredible flexibility allowed his legs to be spread almost into a full split. Chris reached underneath and grasped the tight muscles of Vin's round ass cheeks, pushing and adjusting until he was effectively fucking Vin sideways.
"So incredible. Amazing..., shit..., so hot...," he murmured in awe. "So tight.., so open. God, you're fuckin' amazing, Tanner. Love you so much. Can't ever get enough of your gorgeous body. Can't ever get enough of you," he ground out.
Chris leaned forward, the weight of his body keeping Vin's lower leg on the bed, and the weight of his shoulder pushed Vin's right leg up by his head. It was the sexiest, most erotic thing Chris had ever seen or felt.
"Oh, God!"
Chris swooped in for a quick kiss, savoring the feel of Vin's kiss-swollen lips against his own. He then painted light kisses over Vin's eyelids, the lashes curving thick and dark over the high, hard cheekbones.
Chris pushed himself up, keeping his dick firmly into Vin's body. The sight and feel of his young lover so opened before him sent his passion over the edge. He could restrain himself no longer and began slamming into Vin's body over and over. Chris's fingers dug into the slim hips as he twisted the smaller body to vary the angle as he slammed into Vin again and again. He heard himself grunting and gasping with the force of his hips thrusting and withdrawing, and he vaguely registered Vin's soft moans and whimpers of desire.
"Chris," Vin's whispered rasp barely penetrated the mind-blowing, nerve tingling sensations. "Look at me. I want ta see you come."
The low, rough drawl of Vin's sex-passioned voice was the catalyst that sent Chris over the edge of ecstasy. His large hand pressed Vin's lean, powerful thigh tightly to his sweat-slickened ribs, keeping the ankle in place and his leg stretched high over Larabee's shoulder. His other hand circled Vin's shaft, stroking and squeezing and working Vin inside and out. Vin's head thrashed and he dug his heel into the mattress, allowing his ass to be twisted and lifted and turned as Chris varied the angle and speed and force as the older man pounded into the smaller body over and over.
Blue eyes held green and seemed to spark with flames of passion. Larabee's body froze and stilled momentarily as the cascade of orgasm exploded. Lights flashed behind his eyes and he felt as if there were currents of electricity shooting along every nerve and every fiber of his body to pool at his groin.
"Viiinnnnn....!" He cried, throwing his head back. He strained into renewed thrusting, unable to stop from pounding into that tight hot channel of Vin's ass.
Vin's second orgasm exploded, long ropes of come shooting over Chris's hand and splashing onto his belly, creamy white against golden skin. The sight and scent and feel sent Chris's orgasm crashing over him in wave after wave after wave. Chris felt himself emptying over and over, pumping his seed into Vin's ass until it couldn't hold any more. Chris slammed into Vin's tight heat, held himself there, and with another powerful shove and hard shudder he thrust his softening cock twice more.
Totally spent and exhausted, Chris barely had the presence of mind to lift Vin's leg from his shoulder and place it carefully down to the mattress before collapsing onto Vin's side. For several long minutes there was only the sound of hard breathing until each man's heart-rate slowed and harsh pants turned to even breaths. The sweat and semen began drying on their skin. Vin shivered with the chill of it.
Chris looked at him with a teasing smile and flipped the sheet over them.
"Love ya, Cowboy," Vin whispered. "An' I'll love ya till th' day I die."
"God, I love you, too, Tanner. Never expected to find love again. Hate to think of the time we lost when I was trying to deny that what I felt for you was love. I was so stupid, Vin. You are the other half of my soul."
"Ain't stupid," Vin insisted, placing a finger on those full lips to quiet his lover. "Reckon ya's jist scared. I was scared. Loved ya so much. Didn't want ta lose ya. Told m'self I c'ld put up with anything jist ta be near ya."
"And I kept telling myself I couldn't be feeling for you what I felt for Sarah. That it was wrong. That I couldn't really be in love with a man. But all that caution and all that denial was futile. I could no more deny our love than I could fly to the moon."
He pushed up onto his elbow to be able to see fully into Vin's sapphire eyes. His hand cradled the fine-boned face as if it were delicate china.
"My feelings for you are even stronger than they were for Sarah, Vin. I know you think we had the perfect relationship, and I thought we did, too. But you and I..., well.... It's just more. I wanted you to know that, Tanner."
He continued to hold Vin's gaze when the younger man gasped and shook his head.
"No...,"
"Listen to me. It was different. I know that; we both know that. What I felt for Sarah was magical..., special. It was true love. But it was ...., easier, maybe. It was accepted and we never had to hide or deny our love to anyone. But there were things about me she couldn't know. Things I didn't want her to know. She didn't understand the job, and didn't like it. We fought because she insisted I quit."
"What?"
"It's true."
"Cowboy...."
"I need you to know that our relationship wasn't as perfect as I think you imagine it to be."
"Still...,"
"Shhh.... You understand me, Vin Tanner. You know everything about me. You see my drive, my temper, the dark places in me. You love me anyway. You go into those dark places with me and you bring me out of them. You complete me in ways that defy explanation."
"Damn," Vin's whisper was no more than a breath.
Chris's lips quirked. He leaned down and pressed feather light kisses on Vin's eyelids, nose, and lips, kisses of utmost tenderness rather than passion.
"We belong together. No two people were meant to be together more. I love you so much. I'm not complete without you."
"Ya got me, Chris. Body, mind, heart, soul. An' I ain't never gonna let ya go."
Vin's eyes started to close.
"Uhn uh, Cowboy," Chris pushed his side lightly. "No sleeping yet. Let's get cleaned up first."
"Don't wanna," Vin pouted, refusing to open his eyes or move.
"Come on," Chris sat up and tugged at a limp, resisting arm.
"Bring th' shower in here," Vin's breathy rasp sounded suspiciously like whining. "Cain't move. Don't wanna shower...."
"God, Tanner," Chris rolled his eyes. "Could you sound any more like a five year old?"
That got the younger man's attention, and one blue eye slitted open to glare at him.
"I w's shootin' when I w's five, I'll have you know. An' pretty much hittin' what I w's aimin' at. Could 'a shot yer ass then, an' I kin sure as hell shoot it now."
Chris threw back his head and laughed. God, when had anyone made him laugh like Tanner did?
He rolled Vin to his side and slapped his tempting butt.
"You're awful adorable when you're pouting, you know that? Now move."
"Goddamn, uppity, bossy, know-it-all, with goddamn control issues... Shit...."
A string of muttered curses trailed Vin to the bathroom. Chris stopped what he was doing and watched Vin's graceful movements, searching for any sign that Vin was limping. Chris winced as he saw the slight curve at Vin's back near his waist and hip. He flinched, an attack of guilt washing over him. What had he done to Vin? What if he'd really hurt him? He couldn't ask Vin to forgive him. He couldn't forgive himself.
"I'm fine, Cowboy."
The voice drawled slowly from behind the bathroom door.
"What...? How...?"
Chris knew he hadn't spoken aloud.
"I know you, Lar'bee," Vin came out of the bathroom holding a damp hand towel. He looked sleek and golden, his blue eyes soft and dark. "I know how you think. I know yer feelin' guilty, worried ya hurt me."
Vin crossed the room and placed his hand on Chris's face.
"Don't. Don't feel guilty. Ya didn't hurt me. Ya loved me."
"Still...," Chris looked doubtful.
"Well, mebbe I got an idea how ya could make it up t' me."
"What?"
"I'll take a quick shower, while you throw the sheets in th' wash and crank up th' hot tub."
"Deal," Chris grinned, not even protesting that he once again - always, it seemed - was stuck with laundry duty.
Twenty minutes later Vin leaned his head back on the padded edge of the hot tub, closing his eyes and sighing heavily as he relaxed into the warmth and soothing massage of the jets spraying into the tub.
Chris watched him for a long moment. He loved seeing Vin this way: completely open and trusting that he was safe. Without any of the subtle lines of tension and wariness that even his teammates would never notice, Vin looked so damn young and so vulnerable.
"Ain't polite t' stare, Cowboy."
"Shit, Tanner," Chris rolled his eyes. "Thought I was being subtle. Should have known you'd know I was here."
Chris walked over and Vin opened his blue eyes. He looked pointedly at the two beers in Chris's hand.
"Them both fer you?"
"I reckon I might c'ld share," Chris did his best imitation of Vin's raspy Texas drawl.
Vin tried to glare, but ended up smiling instead. His little-boy grin flashed and dimples that had to have driven the girls crazy since the first grade creased his cheeks. The dimples that were driving Larabee crazy right now.
"These, too."
Chris handed down three Tylenol and met Vin's frown with a no-nonsense glare of his own.
"You might think you're fine now, but I don't want you stiffening up and being achy and sore tomorrow."
"Chris...."
"Vin. Please?"
It was the 'please' that got him. How could he refuse anyone anything who loved him the way Chris Larabee did.
"On one condition," Tanner said, reaching up a long arm and taking the pills from his lover's hand.
"What?" Chris's green eyes narrowed suspiciously.
"You come in and keep me comp'ny. It's mighty lonesome in here."
Chris grinned and slipped out of his sweats.
"Thought you'd never ask."
+ + + + + + +
Chris flopped back on the bed, completely and utterly spent. It had been a long time since his and Vin's lovemaking had been that intense. They had both missed each other during this latest time apart, and it had been stressful on both of them. Being together tonight had been incredible, and Chris grinned to think now much he loved his young Texas wildcat. No one was more beautiful than Vin when he was flushed with passion. He couldn't believe they'd become so aroused in the hot tub that they'd ended up making love again. Or at least couldn't believe it had been so intense the second time. Although he thought to himself with a rueful smile, not much was sexier than a lean, hard, wet Tanner, golden dark skin glistening in the muted light.
Chris lifted his head and looked at his lover resting beside him.. Vin's face was turned toward him, his head pillowed on one arm while he lay on his stomach. One knee was slightly raised to the side, pressing against Chris's thigh.
Larabee raised up on his elbow to look down on his lover. It looked like Vin was nearly asleep. Chris shook his head to think that if he were Buck, he'd be bragging that he'd worn out the younger man, but the truth was that this assignment had Vin exhausted. It had only been a couple days, but already he wasn't sleeping right, and he sure wasn't eating.
Chris reached up a hand and brushed a long curl away from where it was resting on Vin's neck, feeling the sweat drying there. He pressed his lips gently to a strong shoulder.
"Mmmm...," Vin purred. "You ain't startin' somethin' ag'in, are ya, Lar'bee?"
Chris just chuckled. "Nope. Not starting anything I know you can't finish."
One blue eye opened and glared at the other man. "Awful smug there, ain't ya?"
Chris shook his head and grinned. He reached up and carded his fingers through Tanner's soft, slightly damp curls. His hands were gentle as he carefully worked through the tangles.
"You rest. I'll just sit here and admire."
Vin's other eye opened and he stared up at Chris, a blush creeping into his cheeks as he looked slightly stunned. Chris felt a tug at his heart, knowing that this beautiful man, who must have also been a stunningly beautiful boy, had never been complimented, never been told that he was good looking. Or smart or kind or talented or any of the other great qualities he possessed, for that matter.
"Lay still," Chris urged him, stroking long hands through the soft hair. Vin relaxed into his arms, his eyes closing again. Chris kept up his gentle touching, finishing with his hair and running his hand lightly across the powerful shoulders. Vin could easily be a male model, and Chris knew that Vin's body would be envied by the guys who had to work so hard to keep in this kind of shape. Vin worked hard on his training, but it was geared toward being strong and fit for the kind of work he did. He'd never want to let his teammates down because he wasn't quite fast enough or quite strong enough. Even with his slight frame, Vin was surprisingly strong. His martial arts training honed additional skills and he was agile and quick. Chris loved the mornings when Vin would go through his training routine out on the deck of the ranch, with the rising sun glinting off the sweat-soaked hair yanked back into a tight ponytail, and giving a golden sheen to the tanned, smooth skin.
Vin was breathing slower now, the touch of his lover sending him nearly to sleep. Chris loved when he got to watch Vin as he was now, spent from love-making, relaxed and trusting in Chris to keep him safe. The job seemed far away right now; it was only the two of them surrounded in peace and the knowledge of their love for each other.
Chris frowned when his exploration got to Vin's lower back. He noted the long, thin, pale white scars that crossed and re-crossed Vin's back at his waist and the top, sweet curve of his butt. Without consciously realizing he was doing it, he began tracing them with his finger.
Suddenly Vin tensed with a gasp as his eyes flew open and he pulled away.
Chris pulled his hand back as though he were burned.
"Vin..., baby..., what is it? Aw, shit. I'm sorry. Hey, Vin, I'm sorry."
Tanner moved up on his elbows, turning away. The long hair veiled his face and Chris couldn't see him. Chris placed a hand flat on the lower part of Vin's back and the younger man flinched.
"Hey, hey now, shh...." he soothed. Chris took his hand away from Vin's back, reaching up to smooth the hair away that was hiding Vin's face. He gently placed his hand under the strong jaw, turning Vin's face toward his. He was struck by the pain and sadness in those blue eyes.
"Don't."
The one word, spoken low with a strangled rasp, gave Chris all the information he needed. He knew enough of his young partner to know when Vin wouldn't - or couldn't - talk about his past. He straightened, moving his body up to sit propped against the many pillows stacked at the head of the bed. Seeing that Vin was trembling, he reached down to lightly tug on Vin's arm.
"Come 'ere," he said gently.
Chris was gratified when Tanner pushed himself up, moving into Chris's embrace. He let his head be pressed to Chris's chest, and Larabee enfolded long arms around the shaking younger man.
"Shhh..., shh.... I'm sorry, Vin. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to stir up bad memories."
"Ain't yer fault, Cowboy," Vin shook his head against the firm chest.
"I love your skin, Tanner," Chris told him. "It's softer and smoother than it has any right to be, especially considering the amount of time you spend bare outside in the sun."
Chris grinned to himself when Vin chuffed a small laugh.
"But I hate your scars. I hate the ones you got doing your job; the ones from the army and bounty hunting. Not to mention the ones you got saving our sorry hides on Team Seven."
"That's my job," Vin frowned up at him. "Savin' yer sorry asses is part a' th' job description."
"I know it is, but that doesn't mean I like you getting hurt. But the scars I hate the worst are the ones that are older. From when you were a kid."
Vin didn't talk about it much, but he had nightmares and talked in his sleep sometimes. When Vin applied for the job at the ATF, as Senior Agent in Charge Chris had received his personnel file. Going over it with Orin Travis they had seen the gaps in his history of several foster homes including a time when he was a kid that they had since learned he was living on the streets, homeless and on his own. Chris had later found out that a brutal rape and beating had left Vin hospitalized for weeks with a badly broken leg. It was there that the cops who had found him pointed him toward a community center.
At first they had encouraged him to take some self-defense classes, but he had eventually gotten up the courage to join Nettie Wells' high school education class. She'd taken to the shy, wild teenager immediately, and gradually earned his trust. It was her patient perseverance that had encouraged Vin to join the army. They'd taken him without a birth certificate since much if not most of his records were lost in a system which hadn't taken much pride in accuracy. It was only after he'd been a Ranger for nearly two years that the Army discovered Vin Tanner had joined on his seventeenth birthday, and not his eighteenth. By then his value as a sharpshooter in Special Forces was so vital to them that nothing was ever done about it other than a brief reprimand placed in the recruiting officer's file.
Vin looked away, but Chris gently cupped his face and raised it until he could look into those haunted, pain-filled eyes. He saw Vin searching his face, no doubt looking for signs of disgust or loathing.
"I love you, Vin. God, I love you so much. Sometimes, though, when I think about what those people did to you, the beatings and abuse in those foster homes, I gotta tell ya, Cowboy, it's all I can do to keep from tracking them down and going after them."
Vin's eyes widened and he blinked, startled.
"Ya... ya'd do that fer me, Cowboy? Cause a' what they done ta me?"
"Hell, yes! I can't stand the thought of them beating you, with you just a skinny little kid. I can picture you, all bony arms and legs and wild hair and huge blue eyes. Big men hitting you and taking a belt to you, or locking you in a small, dark closet with no food or water for hours - or days - at a time. It makes me so angry I could seriously hurt them."
"Ain't nobody ever cared about me like that, Chris. Means th' world ta me, ya know? That ya'd do that fer me."
"I would, Vin. I'm not asking you to tell me anything you don't feel comfortable talking about. But I also want you to know that I want to know. I want you to tell me anything and everything, and I don't ever want you holding back because you think it'll be upsetting to me or too hard for me to handle. Hell, Vin, you lived it. I sure as hell can hear it."
One slender shoulder shrugged.
"Don't like ya bein' upset. It's in th' past and cain't nuthin' change that."
Chris reached down and stroked the beautiful face, cupping the side of Vin's cheek with his long fingers.
"I know. Believe me, I know. But maybe if you shared it with me, let me carry a little of those memories, just maybe they wouldn't be quite so heavy in your mind."
Vin shrugged again and looked away.
"Jist..., jist tryin' ta fergit, most times."
"But they don't go away, baby. And I'd give anything to have had that not happen to you. God, Vin. Sometimes I'm purely stunned at the way you turned out. To lose your mother when you were so small, then endure a hellish series of foster homes until you ran away and lived homeless. Then when I think of what being in the army must have been like, and working for the Marshalls before quitting to take up bounty hunting. With everything you've gone through, everything that happened to you, you should have been in prison or cracked out on drugs or dead by now. Instead you're one of the finest, most decent, kind, generous, honest and compassionate men I've ever had the privilege to know. I admire you, Vin Tanner. And I love you more than anyone I've ever loved in my entire life."
Vin's eyes widened. No one could read Vin Tanner's eyes like Chris could, and he saw the emotions and thoughts racing through that head of softly tangled curls: disbelief, hope, shyness, uncertainty.
Chris stayed still and met the questioning gaze unflinchingly as Vin sought the truth in his older lover's eyes.
"I don't say things I don't mean," Chris reiterated with a solemn nod. "I love you, Vincent Michael Tanner."
Vin frowned, still not quite able to believe what all he was hearing.
"But..., but ya had Sarah...., an' Adam.... I'm not...."
Larabee could see the distress in his younger lover and knew he'd have to convince him.
"Vin, listen to me. I loved my parents, my family. You know I loved Sarah and Adam. They were my life, and I thought I would die when they died. I felt like there could never be anything more and I prayed that I would die, too. Buck knows I did my best to help things along, between the drinking and the fighting and every other destructive thing I did."
Chris sat up straight and Vin rose to sit cross-legged facing him. Chris reached out and placed both hands gently on the sides of Vin's face, cupping it lovingly in his two hands as if cradling precious china.
"I want you to hear me, Vin. Hear my heart, and not just my words. When I saw you in that warehouse, I looked into your eyes and knew - really knew - that you were seeing straight into my very soul. For that second, my world stopped. Took me a long time to face what I knew in my heart, that what I felt for you was more than just a perfect friendship. Some folks have been known to accuse me of being stubborn."
Vin chuckled softly and rolled his eyes, then grew serious again as Chris's grin faded into seriousness.
"But as much as I loved them, what I feel for you is so intense that they need another word for it. It's love with every fiber of my being; it's love with all the blood and tissue and bone, every cell of my being. It's love with every part of my mind and the very essence of my soul. You absolutely and totally complete me; you make me whole. And there is nothing, nothing, that will ever diminish the love I feel for you, Vin Tanner."
Tears swam in the shining blue eyes as Vin swallowed hard.
"God, Cowboy," he finally rasped. "And here people told me I was the poet."
Chris leaned forward and tilted Vin's head to the side, kissing him softly on the lips. He then moved to kiss each of Vin's eyelids, and kissed the end of his perfect, straight nose.
"You do that to me, Tanner. You bring out the poet in me."
Then it was Vin's turn to reach his strong arms out, pulling Chris into a loving embrace. They moved as one to lie side by side on the big bed, arms circling each other and legs nestled together, with Vin's head pressed to Chris's chest and Chris's cheek resting on Vin's
head.
"Ain't never been loved like that, Cowboy. No one ever cared nuthin' much about me since my ma died, 'cept maybe Miss Nettie. But damn, Chris. The things ya say ta me.... And th' way ya treat me, like I's th' most precious, important, cherished person in yer life.... Kinda scares me sometimes."
Chris pulled back a little, startled.
"Scares you? Why?"
One slender shoulder shrugged and Vin wouldn't meet his eyes.
"Vin?"
"Jist, worried, I guess. That some day you'll come ta realize I ain't worth it."
"Oh my God, Vin. God, Tanner. That ain't gonna happen. You hear me? That just is not ever, ever, going to happen."
He pulled the younger man closer, pressing their bodies together until there was nothing that could get between them, and Chris felt the pounding of Vin's heart against his skin.
"That would be like saying that I realized life is not worth living, that its not worth breathing. And the only way that would happen is if you weren't in my life. You hear me?"
"I hear ya, Lar'bee," Vin's voice sounded better to Chris finally, more solid and less shaky and insecure. "Jist may need ta hear it ag'in ever' once in awhile. Some folks say I'm a slow learner."
Chris squeezed the smaller man, chuckling at the teasing tone in Vin's voice.
"You're not a slow learner, Tanner, and you know it. But I'll say it over and over and over and over.... I'll do whatever it takes until you believe, really believe, what you mean to me and just how much I truly, deeply, and completely love you."
Vin tilted his head up and stared into those sea green eyes, seeing nothing but love and adoration and sincere honesty there. Satisfied with his search, he leaned in and captured those perfect lips that he loved, nipping at the lower lip before the kiss intensified. Chris pulled him into a warm embrace, and both men fell asleep in the comfort of each other's presence.
+ + + + + + +
Ten year old Vin Tanner stopped chopping wood for a minute, gasping and wiping the sweat from his forehead and pushing the long, damp strands away from his face. His arm was throbbing from where Ben McCallum had broken it a few weeks ago. The big man had just cut off the cast himself, not wasting a trip to the doctor or the expense of another visit. The saw had scraped Vin's skin, and Ben had slapped him hard for whimpering and flinching away. It had only been a week, and Vin's arm was aching. He hadn't been allowed to eat anything until his work was done, and the young boy felt sick and light-headed as the hot afternoon sun beat down on his fair head.
He swayed, dizzy and sick and in pain. He hoped he wouldn't pass out, or throw up from the churning in his stomach. Not that he had anything in his stomach to throw up. He hadn't been allowed to eat anything since yesterday morning.
Vin looked longingly at the house, and his eyes darted quickly and nervously around the dusty yard. He wondered if he dared try to go in and get a drink of water. He was dripping with sweat, his long hair hanging lank around his face and his shirt plastered to his skinny frame. His back was aching and his arm was throbbing. He just wanted to rest and sleep and not hurt any more.
"Boy! Boy!"
Vin froze and cringed at the roar bellowing from the barn. He felt the blood drain from his face and wondered fleetingly if he would pass out from fear. Ben was back, and Vin was so disoriented he hadn't even heard him drive up. He was shaking as the big man strode angrily into the yard, his face red with fury.
The man advanced toward him with long strides, his manner threatening as he raged toward the small boy. Vin saw right away that he'd been drinking, and he panicked. Just before he was able to will his legs to move, the big man was on him.
Ben grabbed the skinny bicep, large hands circling the boy's arm with fingertips to spare. He yanked the kid half off his feet, back-handing him viciously across the face.
"I told you to clean the barn, you lazy, good for nothin' piece of shit," he roared, hitting Vin again.
Vin Tanner almost blacked out, the fear and pain overwhelming as Ben was holding his injured arm. His back was screaming from being wrenched as his body was jerked around, and he was dizzy and stunned from the blows to his face.
"No..., no..," he finally managed to gasp.
"Ya said ta chop the wood first," he rasped in barely more than a whisper. "I was gonna git ta the barn next."
"Don't you smart-mouth me, ya little bastard!" Ben roared, hitting Vin's face again and shaking him roughly. "I'll teach you ta lie ta me!"
"No! No, please! I ain't lyin', I swear!"
"I'll learn you ta sass me, boy! I ain't takin' no more a yer lyin' and back-talking shit. You ain't earnin' yer keep. Yer just a worthless sack a shit ain't worth the air ya waste breathin'."
Vin was panicking, frantic with fear and pain. His breath caught in ragged panting, as his wide eyes searched desperately for any way to escape. He twisted and fought, but his underweight, skinny frame was no match for the huge, brutal man. In terror, Vin kicked out with his feet, catching the big man hard on the shin.
For a moment everything froze, while Vin's heart thudded wildly. He couldn't believe he'd done that. McCallum was going to kill him.
"What the hell! You stinkin' little piece a' shit," he snarled, eyes narrowing dangerously. "You just earned yerself the beatin' a' yer no good, miserable life."
Vin was paralyzed with fear. He felt the blood drain from his face, leaving him light-headed and dizzy. His stomach clenched in dread at knowing how harshly he would be punished. The young boy's vision was blurred and graying around the edges. His mind registered the anger and hatefulness of his enraged foster father, but he only heard every other word or so. Without being able to focus on every word, the evil taunts, the hateful names and their meaning was still clear, and the boy was shaking with terror.
Ben slammed Vin down, bending him over the wide stone fence that jutted out from the barn. Vin gasped in pain as his ribs were bruised, and he thought he might throw up as he vaguely wondered whether they were broken. He couldn't catch his breath, and it was worse when Ben pressed a huge, meaty hand in the center of his back to force him face down and keep him from moving.
"I'm gonna teach ya ta mind me if it's the last thing I do, boy," he snarled. "Yer gonna learn ta not give me any more a' yer backtalk, and I'm gonna beat yer ass bloody."
Vin's head was turned to the side, his cheek scraping against the rough stone. He twisted his head around as much as he could, and saw where Ben was using his other massive hand to unbuckle his belt while pushing his bruising weight onto the narrow back.
The young boy struggled to draw air into his lungs, bruised and crushed against the sharp stones. He paled, seeing which belt the big man was pulling out from the wide cotton loops.
"No... no, please...," he whispered. "Not..., not the belt with the studs. No, please..., not the belt with the studs......"
The pressure eased just slightly on the cracked ribs as McCallum wrapped the belt around his meaty fist.
"Shut the hell up, ya stupid brat," he growled. "I ain't puttin' up with yer good fer nothin' smart mouth, and you not doin' what yer told ta earn yer keep."
"Please, no...,' he begged. "I was chopping the wood. I was. Jist..., let me heal one more day...."
Vin screamed when the first lash of the belt burned like fire across the small of his back. He was shaking and panting, biting his lip until it bled to keep from screaming again. The belt struck from the middle of his back, down across his tiny butt to the tops of his thighs, over and over while Vin's skin burned as if on fire. He tried to keep quiet, knowing that crying out or begging for it to stop only made things worse. But as his vision grayed at the edges, he heard screaming in the distance, not realizing it was coming from him. As much as the tortured young boy tried not to, he couldn't keep from blacking out, finding himself spiraling into a searing pain-filled blackness....
"NO!!! NO!!!!!!!!! Don't! Not the belt with the studs! Nooooooo!!!"
Chris jolted up in bed, shocked from a sound sleep to find his lover moaning and screaming and thrashing around, tangled in the sheet.
"Vin..., Vin!" Chris called to him.
"NO!!!!!!!! Please......," he whimpered and begged.
"Vin, hang on, Cowboy."
Christ twisted around and fumbled for the light switch. His own heart was racing from the scare of being awaked to screams, but his stomach sank when he got his first look at Vin. The fine-boned features were twisted in fear, the unseeing blue eyes huge and darting in the too-pale face. Vin's heart was hammering in his slender chest, and Chris could see the vein pulsing wildly at his neck.
"Vin..., easy now..., you're okay.... Vin! Wake up... you're okay, cowboy......." Chris reached slowly for Vin's arm.
"NO! Let me go!"
Vin thrashed away from Chris, the brief contact making him even more frantic.
Chris pulled at the twisted covers, trying to untangle them enough to pull them away from his lover. He knew that Vin panicked under normal circumstances whenever he felt tied or trapped, and this was certainly not normal circumstances. Chris managed to get the blankets shoved down just past Vin's waist, and then reached to grasp his sinewy biceps. He needed Vin to wake up, but the wiry younger man was a deadly fighter and Chris feared that he might inadvertently hurt him while he wasn't fully conscious.
"Vin..., baby...., Shhhh...., shhhh, Vin......, it's okay......... Tanner......., listen to me.. you're okay.... It's okay, baby..... you're safe........ no one's gonna hurt you, Vin..... I'm here now...... Come on, Tanner........ it's over..... it's all over......."
Chris kept up a litany of reassurances, but when he grasped Vin's arms and pressed them to the bed, the young Texan went crazy.
"No! Don't tie me! Let go of me! Don't hurt me...... no........ don't beat me any more......! Please, no more......."
The bigger man felt tears come to his eyes as he listened to his lover scream and beg, fighting against the nightmare monster of his childhood. One of them, Chris thought to himself. Damn, how many had there been?
He shook his head, focusing again on getting Vin calmed down. His heart ached when Vin's struggles slowed, and tears leaked from his eyes and ran down the side of his beautiful face into his hair.
Finally, finally Vin seemed to pull himself out of his nightmare, awareness coming slowing. The panicked darting of the wild blue eyes slowed as Vin blinked several times. His breathing calmed just enough to let Chris know he was awaking up.
"Hey, baby..., come back to me, Vin...., it's okay... That's it.... Look at me, Cowboy... I'm right here. I gotcha, Tanner. I ain't gonna let anything happen to you any more.... Nobody's ever gonna to hurt you like that again. I won't let them."
Vin stared up at his blond lover, finally seeing him clearly as the nightmare slowly faded.
"Ch....risss?" the rasp was no more than a faint whisper.
"Yeah, baby. It's me," Chris smiled gently into the huge, shimmering blue eyes. He released the bare arms, and ran a hand through his short, straight hair. Chris watched as Vin's eyes darted warily around the room, and then came back to stare up at his older partner.
"Chris," Vin whispered again, taking a deep, shaky breath.
"You okay?" Chris asked, a worried frown creasing his forehead.
Tanner's breathing was gradually slowing, and Chris reached out to help him sit up. His eyes widened when Vin momentarily flinched from his touch, but the guilty blush that flooded the shallow, pale cheeks made him vow not to show his dismay.
"Hey now, Tanner...," Chris soothed, trying to get Vin to calm down. He could see that the younger man was going to cut himself off and close up. That was the last thing that Vin needed.
"It's okay, baby," the blond continued. "You're okay now. He's not going to hurt you any more. It's my fault. God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that I brought up these memories earlier. God, Vin.... I'm sorry as hell."
Sapphire blue eyes flashed at that.
"Ain't yer fault, Chris. It's jist stupid. Can't b'lieve I still have nightmares about that."
"Shit, Vin. Sometimes I don't know how you don't have nightmares every night," Chris ran a shaking hand through his short, straight hair. He slid out of bed and went into the bathroom, returning with a glass of water which he handed to the younger man. He was relieved to see that Vin had calmed a little more in the brief time he was gone. The pulse wasn't pounding so wildly in his neck, and Chris noted that Vin's breathing had slowed from the frantic panting when he'd been so terrorized.
Vin smiled a little shakily while he reached up to take the glass, and Chris pretended not to notice that Vin's hand was trembling. He sat down next to Vin, pushing himself up against the headboard.
"Thanks, Chris. 'M sorry 'bout wakin' ya up like that. Must'a scared th' hell outta ya."
"Not a problem, Vin. Of course, too many nights of this and my hair's likely to turn gray."
Chris was relieved to see a faint smile, although Vin's cheeks flushed a faint pink. Larabee knew that Vin was embarrassed, but he didn't know how to reassure the young Texan that he didn't have anything to be ashamed of.
Vin set the glass on the table and moved to turn out the lamp on the bedside table.
"Wait."
Vin turned to Chris, his eyes reflecting a mixture of wariness and shame and apprehension, and a little fear.
"Tell me what happened, Vin."
One bare, slender shoulder shrugged and Vin stared as if fascinated at the pattern in the bedding.
"Ain't nothin' ta tell."
Chris snorted softly. "I'd say that someone beatin' the shit out of a little kid is a lot to tell."
"Ain't like it didn't happen a lot. I'm sorry, Chris. 'M sorry I woke ya up like that. Cain't promise it won't happen ag'in, but I sure as hell hope not."
"Vin, it matters to me, okay? You matter to me. Maybe if you talked about it, and let me share it, it might not come back and attack you in your nightmares."
There was a long silence, and Chris had to draw on every ounce of his patience not to press Tanner to talk. He'd learned that the last way to get Vin to open up was to pressure him. He had to smile to himself. Who knew that with his famous temper, the one person who could teach him patience was a scrawny, half-wild young Texan with a maddening drawl - and an equally bad temper when he was riled.
"What do ya want ta know?" Vin finally asked in a near whisper, his eyes flickering to meet Chris's before sliding away just as fast.
"Who was he? How old were you?" Chris decided to start with the basics.
"Name was Ben McCallum. I think I was about ten. It was somewhere along the fifth or sixth foster home I w's sent to. Before him they was all from this Baptist church organization. After him, though, the state a' Texas d'cided ta git involved."
Vin swallowed hard and Chris wondered how he could press for more details without scaring the younger man.
"Vin?" Chris coaxed softly. "What happened? Can you tell me?"
Vin sighed heavily.
Vin briefly related the episode from his nightmare, and Chris knew from what he didn't say that this was only one of the worst in a long line of beatings. He also knew that the cruel taunts and belittling comments would have bruised Vin's soul as much as the beatings bruised his body.
"Don't remember too much after that," Vin concluded, after telling Chris about being beaten until he blacked out.
"How many times did it happen? How many times were you beaten until you blacked out?" Chris managed to ask, barely controlling his rage.
"Ya mean by him? 'R all of 'em put together?" Vin asked, genuinely curious.
Oh, God. What kind of question was that?
Chris paled, and hoped he could get through this without throwing up. Right at this moment he didn't think he could handle the answer to that question.
"What happened after that?" Chris changed the subject slightly. "You said the state of Texas got involved after that. They got you away from him, right?"
"Oh, yeah," Vin frowned, clearly unhappy that Chris wasn't going to let this go. But he knew enough from experience how persistent Larabee could be, and that he wasn't going to get away with not answering.
"Well," Vin sighed, "Ben had made it clear that I wasn't ever allowed into th' house until my chores were done. I knew I couldn't eat 'r git anything ta drink until he was satisfied I'd gotten my work done ta his likin'. Which weren't too often, so ya know I wasn't eatin' too good."
Chris reached out and squeezed a knee briefly, but removed his hand when Vin stiffened and tightened his arms closer to where they hugged his ribs. It was clear that Vin needed space if he was going to get through this.
"I came to sometime that evening, I reckon. It w's gittin' pretty dark, an' I felt like I'd been run over by a truck. Wasn't awake too long that time. Some time near mornin', I guess, I woke up again. As much as ever'thing hurt, my stomach was painin' me somethin' awful. I threw up, and I w's cryin' my ribs hurt s' bad."
Chris closed his eyes and hoped he could make it through this. God. Vin had lived it. When he was ten and starved and sick and beaten, and completely and totally alone in the world. Chris couldn't keep the memory of himself and his own life at ten from invading his mind. He'd been busy with baseball and football, television and movies and comic books, spending summers on his bike and playing with friends. His biggest worry was getting the newest and latest games, and negotiating with his parents for a later bedtime. Chris had always been popular, invited to everyone's birthday parties and captain of his little league and peewee football teams. Summers meant feasts at picnics and winters meant family celebrations with more food than anyone could eat. Oh, hell, he though to himself. He'd given his mother a hard time on a nearly daily basis with his attitude of how unfair he felt she was to insist that he make his bed every day and take turns with his sisters drying the supper dishes. Chris made a mental note to give his mother a call and apologize for his bratty, kid behavior. Maybe send her roses.
"After that I couldn't sleep s' good. I couldn't move ta git up. Kept throwin' up an' it w's hard ta breathe. My shirt was stuck to the dried blood and was stinging and felt like my skin was rippin' off. Must'a passed out fer awhile, though, 'cause the next thing I knew it w's late afternoon 'r early evenin'."
"Ben came back to finally check on you?"
"No," Vin shook his head, as though the thought startled him. "It w's th' neighbor. Guess he'd come over lookin' ta git somethin' Ben had borrowed from him that he needed returned. He told me later he didn't see me at first; thought I was jist a pile a rags."
Vin snorted softly. "'Course, he weren't far off from bein' right."
"Vin...."
"It's all right, Cowboy. It's done an' over with, an' I'm still here," Vin's eyes, while full of sadness, held something else Chris couldn't quite place. Maybe a small hint of relief or satisfaction that he had managed to survive and not let Ben McCallum kill either his body or his spirit and his soul.
"I remember th' man askin' me what happened, but I was hurtin' too bad ta tell him much. He said he was goin' ta get Ben and I nearly lost it, beggin' him not ta go find him. Turns out he'd left an' wasn't at th' place anyway. Then he said he was gonna take me inside an' I panicked. Told him I wasn't allowed in th' house until my work was done, an' I still had th' wood ta' finish choppin' an' the barn ta clean. He sure looked at me strange after that, but I was so outta m' head from panic that he finally promised he wouldn't take me inta th' house."
Vin reached out for the glass and took another long swallow, then sat staring hard at the glass in his hands.
"He got me some water, an' that tasted so good. He tried to help me get up, but I threw up again. I couldn't breathe and I think he got scared. He said he was gonna get me to the hospital. I kept tellin' him I couldn't. I was frantic with fear over how Ben would punish me for costin' him money, but this time he wouldn't listen to me. I guess I must've passed out, because I remember him goin' ta pick me up an' then I heard a scream which must'a been me. Th' next thing I remember I was in th' front seat of his truck. My head was on his leg while he was drivin'."
Vin looked up into Chris's face, his eyes showing his puzzlement and awe.
"I threw up in his truck. 'Course, I didn't have nothin' much ta throw up by then, but he didn't hit me 'r nothin'."
The wonder in Vin's voice brought Chris's head up sharply.
Now Chris really did think he was going to be sick. He couldn't get the image out of his mind of how small and underweight Vin must have been at ten. He wasn't a big man now, above average height and well-muscled but still fine-boned and slender bordering on skinny, especially when he was sick. At ten and as mistreated and abused as he was, Vin would have probably had a hard time making it to the lowest percentile on the weight charts for his age. He imagined a skinny kid, all bony arms and legs, tangled hair and huge blue eyes.
"God, Tanner...."
"At least I never saw him again after that," Vin said with a small, sad smile. "The social work people went in and got the few clothes I had. I always kept the one picture of my ma, and my harmonica and spyglass in whatever bag I had. I'd learned never to leave anything out in my room wherever I was. A couple' a times I threw such a fit at them leavin' my stuff behind that they finally gave up an' went back for it jist ta shut me up."
Chris chuckled softly at that, giving Vin a wry grin that the Texan returned a little self-consciously.
"Don't have ta act like ya ain't surprised, Cowboy," he grumbled trying to seem mad.
"Oh, no, Tanner. I can't ever imagine you giving anyone in authority a hard time."
"Smart-ass, know-it-all, goddamn bossy...."
"Hey," Chris smiled, raising a hand a surrender. "You always had a strong sense of fairness and what's right. For a little kid without any power, I give you a lot of credit for standing up for yourself and for what's right. You didn't have so much that you could give up any of it without a fight. I admire the boy you were and I really admire the man you've become."
Vin's cheeks flushed pink and he ducked his head, the thick dark lashes curving over his cheekbones. Chris reached up a hand and gently moved a length of Vin's hair back from where it had fallen over his face. He let his fingers gently card through the soft curls, then cupped Vin's cheek with his hand.
"Come up here?" he whispered.
Vin looked up at him, then, and Chris saw a world of emotion in those beautiful, expressive eyes. He knew that Vin was grateful for his understanding and his support, and knew that Vin cherished his love now more than ever.
Vin scooted closer, and Chris curved a strong arm protectively around the smaller body curling into his. He rested his chin on the soft curls, rubbing his chin against the silkiness while his arms tightened around Vin's slender frame. The younger man leaned his cheek against the firm chest, and sighed.
"I love you, Chris," Vin murmured.
Tears swam in Chris's eyes at that simple, yet momentous declaration. It was such an easy phrase for most people, had been said several times a day between himself and Sarah. Yet for Vin there was a lifetime of abuse and mistreatment that Vin had to overcome in order to trust that his love would be accepted and returned.
"I love you, too, Vin Tanner."
Chris moved his face slightly to kiss the soft curls resting under his cheek.
"God, Tanner. How did you ever survive all that?" he whispered almost to himself.
Vin stirred just slightly and curled closer into Chris, two hard male bodies pressed skin to skin and fitting and molding to each other perfectly.
"Don't rightly know. I reckon I jist kept hopin' that some day, someone out there might really love me. That none a that would matter when I finally met someone who loved me."
"And then we found each other."
"Yep. An' I was right. None a' that matters any more."
Chris felt Vin's body growing slightly heavier as he relaxed into sleep, so before any longer Chris reached over to shut off the light. Vin burrowed closer and Chris smiled to think how amazing it was that Vin could welcome such skin to skin closeness with only him, when he was otherwise so reluctant to be touched.
It wasn't long before the smaller man's breathing evened out, and as Chris held him tightly Vin was able to fall into a peaceful sleep not tormented further by nightmares from his past. Chris, however, was awake for hours, unable to get over the image of Vin, what had happened to him, and the hell his life had been pretty much up until he had walked into that warehouse and soon after onto his ATF team. Chris said a prayer of thanks that he had met the long-haired, blue-eyed bounty hunter when he had. He gave the younger man credit for pulling him back from a path of sure destruction. But now he couldn't help but wonder whether a little part of meeting Chris had possibly saved Vin Tanner's life, as well.