Through Sunshine and Shadow by Debra Hicks

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Rolling peals of thunder woke Vin a few hours later. It was nearing dawn, only a little before he would have been awake normally. Rain pounded against the dirty glass window. Lightning flashed close by, illuminating the relaxed, handsome features of the man sleeping next to him. Ezra hadn't stirred at the violent storm outside. Vin smiled. He had seen the gambler sleep through barroom brawls that brought the others running from half the town away. He had also seen the single bark of a coyote wake him with gun in hand out on the trail.

Vin rolled onto his back, staring up at the roof. It wasn't just the flashing lightning or the symphony of rain and thunder that had brought him awake early. He had been dreaming about Ezra, about the wonder of making love to the man. Glancing down, he saw the way the thin blanket was tented over his hips. The thunder might have been an excuse for waking, but his ready cock was the real reason. He reached for his shaft, smiling ruefully. Since giving his love to Ezra he had actually been jacking off more than before. During long nights on patrol, when being with Ezra was impossible, his body had refused to accept the isolation.

Deft fingers rolled his foreskin back, then trailed down the full shaft. He closed his eyes, imagining it was Ezra's small, talented hands that were drifting down to toy with his balls. His other hand gripped the head tight, started squeezing slowly.

"Vin?"

Vin jumped, his eyes snapping open. His hand dropped away from his cock. "Uh, morning, Ezra. Storm wake you?"

The next flash of lightning let him see Ezra's tilted head and wide smile. "No, the raging deluge did not wake me. I seemed to have been awaken by a strange, though somewhat familiar movement in the bed."

Despite his best effort, Vin could feel the heat filling his cheeks. With a sigh, he said, "Well, it's your own damn fault I woke you up."

"My fault?" Ezra said in that smooth southern tone that told Vin he was in trouble. "And how might...."

Deciding that he might as well take advantage of the situation, Vin rolled over, pressing his cock against Ezra's hip while wrapping his arms across the broad chest. "I was dreaming how, uh, ... incredible that loving had been and the next thing I know...."

He lifted Ezra's hand and put it on his eager cock. In response, Ezra lifted his hand and put it on his fast raising cock. Vin chuckled. "Guess that means you're kind of thinking the same thing."

Ezra yawned. "What are we going to do about this rude awakening?"

Despite the flesh that was quickly filling in Vin's hand, he could tell Ezra wasn't going to be able to stay awake too long. It just wasn't in his nature to be conscious at this hour. Vin smiled, his lover was a night animal but night, in Ezra's opinion was only until an hour before dawn.

Vin scooted around until he was lying flat, with his feet next to Ezra's head. "Roll over top of me," Vin ordered.

One thing he had admired early about Ezra was he caught on quick. By the next lightning flash, he was stretched full out above Vin, his cock hanging within easy reach of Vin's mouth. Vin gave a single lick to the slim shaft. The move was echoed by Ezra, Vin sighed, began to lick and suck the cock, swirling his tongue around it.

He tried to ignore that Ezra was doing the same thing to him, tried to control the lightning that started in his blood with the first touch of Ezra's lips. Turning all his attention to Ezra, he reached up and touched the taut ass, urged Ezra to lower his cock into Vin's eager mouth. The gambler took the cue. Vin moaned as the cock slipped over his lips, moved to lie along his tongue. He opened his mouth as Ezra withdrew a little, licking along the length, following the ridge of scar around. Tilting his head sideways, he sucked on the fold of empty skin, before sucking the ball into his mouth.

The suction around his cock increased, forcing a moan from Vin's throat. The same sound came from Ezra, trickling around his cock and changing the lightning from a single flash to continuous light. Vin gave into the light, started a gentle thrusting up, leaving it to Ezra to take as much as he wanted. Ezra's cock moved down. Vin once more took it, tightening his lips so that each ridge had to force itself passed the barrier. He gasped at the image he'd had so often, of Ezra's shaft sliding deep into his body, of the way those bumps would feel as they thrust in.

Groaning, he grabbed Ezra's hips and pulled him down, demanding a faster rhythm. Vin gave into his body's needs, driven by the thunder and the lightning that had transferred to his blood, driven by the image of being taken by Ezra. With an inarticulate cry, Ezra thrust down at the same time as his mouth slid down Vin's cock.

Vin swallowed around the long cock letting it slide deep into his throat. He sucked, pulling in his cheeks until the tightness was pressed the length of Ezra's cock. The pressure around his cock went up and on the next thrust his shaft brushed the back of Ezra's throat, bringing a groan from his chest. They were both lost then, thrusting and sucking, each trying to bring the other to completion, each driving to find that perfect instant for themselves.

Breathing hard, Vin felt the light gather in his stomach and shoot down his nerves to his groin. He shoved up into the hot mouth once more, felt all his muscles tightening, and came with a cry muffled by the cock still hard in his mouth. A heartbeat later, he was aware of Ezra's shaft jerking against his lips, driving deep. Thick fluid spilled down his throat and Vin swallowed, loving the feel; loving the feeling of power that making love to Ezra gave him.

A few rolls of thunder later, Ezra pulled free and flopped over next to him with an exhausted moan. It was a few more minutes before Vin found the energy to move up next to him, to allow himself to be taken into Ezra's muscular arms.

"These dawn desserts are wonderful but exhausting," Ezra yawned.

"Um uh," Vin agreed.

Ezra chuckled. "That particular position does have its advantages, though," he observed. "There's no wet spot to be concerned with at present."

Laughing, Vin kissed along Ezra's chest. He took a deep breath of the bed-warm skin, licked across the still-raised nipple. "You are something, Ezra." Vin kissed him, tangling his hands in the short soft hair. "Guess I better git."

Even in the dark Vin could see the surprise. "Git? In this weather?"

"It's just rain. I ain't gonna melt."

He watched Ezra fight the memories, take a deep breath and say quietly, "It would not be the first time one of us has let another take refuge in a storm. As far as any need know, you slept on the floor."

Vin smiled, warmed by the bravery in Ezra's voice. He kissed him again. "And you'd lay there rest of the night scared," he said quietly. "'Sides, better save it till winter."

"Vin...." ;

"I love you, Ezra. See you at the Clarion."

He slipped quietly out the door, making sure not to be seen.

+ + + + + + +

"It's impossible to tell how many new people have arrived in the area in the last few months," Mary offered. "The list is only people who have made a point of buying the Clarion."

Leaning forward in his chair, Chris rubbed his eyes, fighting a headache he'd had since the night before. When he looked up, it was into a concerned expression in Vin's quiet eyes. He managed a slight nod, signaling to his friend that he was okay. An almost imperceptible tilt of Vin's chin answered him.

"It would seem to be a hopeless task of investigation," Ezra said, scanning down the long list of new arrivals laid out on the desk.

"There is something else," Mary said quietly, drawing everyone's attention to her. Reluctantly, she explained, "Some of the people in town have been... complaining that the seven of you are spending too much time away chasing this one... outlaw."

"Ain't nothing happened while we was gone, did it?" Vin wondered.

"No," Mary assured them. "But it wouldn't be hard for someone to start something."

"And we'd be on the judge's sh... bad side if it did," Vin said, blushing at his almost-slip in front of Mary.

The headache was getting worse. Chris hated discussions like this, hated everything that had happened since the ride to Ella's ranch. A slight shift near the door turned Chris' thoughts away from the burning need for revenge. Vin tilted his head, and Chris recognized the thoughtful look.

The tracker was waiting for a decision. Switching his gaze to the gambler he saw the same patient waiting. They would follow him, even Ezra. They would ride out with him, giving up jobs, futures, and the first home they had known in a long time. For him. He looked hesitantly toward Mary.

She still didn't know the whole truth. He had not been brave enough to tell her, not yet. In the blue eyes, lighter than Vin's, the emotions in Mary's eyes touched him. She would regret his leaving even while she understood the need that drove him. Across the street he could see Buck and JD talking in front of the jail.

A year earlier, he would have barked orders for Ezra to find their lead; he would have ordered Vin into the countryside to see what he could find. Now....

"We've been chasing our tails chasing her," he said quietly. He turned away from the window, back to three people waiting for his decision. "This time, we make her come to us."

Twelve

Ezra smiled at nothing and everything as he walked along the boardwalk toward the telegraph office. It was the perfect fall morning, a cool breeze blowing in harmonic counterpoint to the warm sun. It had been a month without a single sign of Gaines. Judge Travis had every lawman in the territory looking for her to no avail. They still held out hope that there would be some word of her whereabouts in the weekly telegrams they were sending out to various lawmen in the state.

The peaceful month actually made Ezra frown. It had been peaceful right before the last attack too. Still, he was enjoying the quiet. The only drawback was that Vin had been absent for a lot of the time. The tracker had promised Missus Wells to help with rounding up some stray cattle. That had kept him away for two weeks then a trip with Buck to the county seat to deliver a prisoner had taken another week. Ezra chided himself for becoming such a hopeless romantic.

He paused as he walked past Missus Potter's store. Her son Jesse was playing marbles in the street with Billy Travis.

"Good day, gentlemen," Ezra said, squatting down next to the players. "How goes the game this fine morning?"

Billy smiled up at him, eyes full of young pride. "I done won--"

"I have won," Ezra corrected automatically.

"I've won two aggies and a cat's...."

Someone grabbed the back of his coat. "Get the hell away from those kids!"

Before Ezra could grasp what was happening, he found himself thrown hard into the rough wall of the store. For an instant, the force knocked the breath out of his lungs. With a deep breath, he whirled around, ready to spring his derringer at whoever it was, only to find himself facing three of the townsmen. Jason McGurter again pushed him back into the wall.

Ezra didn't resist, merely straightened his coat and asked calmly, "Gentlemen, what seems to be...."

A fist was slammed into his stomach, doubling him over. "We don't want your kind around our town," McGurter snapped.

Memories of too many times hearing those words flashed through Ezra's mind. That was followed quickly by more confusion over what had triggered the violence at this late a date. With an effort he straightened, leaning back against the wall. From the corner of his eyes he saw Missus Potter grab Jesse and drag him inside; at the same time she waved Billy toward the Clarion office. The boy hesitated for a moment, then sprinted away. Three more men now joined the three that surrounded him.

He felt McGurter's fist coming toward him and dodged sideways, grabbing the man by the arm and twisting it behind him, forcing him to hold still.

"Now," he said, still keeping his tone amiable. "I will repeat the question, though without the ‘gentlemen'--what seems to be the problem?"

A man he didn't know shoved a crumpled piece of paper toward him. He couldn't take the paper without letting go of McGurter. Giving a glare that would have done Chris proud, he released his assailant with a hard shove. Keeping his eyes on the man, he grabbed the paper.

It was a simple, badly printed list that started with the header: Do you want these kinds of men around your families?

Automatically, his eyes were drawn to his name, second on the list. His vision narrowed down and there was a faraway sound in his ears, like the roaring of a faraway steamship. It was strength of will alone that kept his knees from buckling.

Ezra Standish: Consorts with members of his own gender.

In the strange haze that suddenly seemed to surround him, his first thought was not for his safety or even for Vin's. The single thing that flashed bright though the fading daylight was that it was too soon. He wanted just one more day, just one more kiss, just one more look of love from eyes too blue to be real. In a single heartbeat the hope vanished like all the dreams he'd ever had. Survival instincts and thirty two years of training kicked in. He put on his most winning smile and shook his head sadly.

"Really, gentlemen," he said with just enough of a disbelieving tone, "you have played directly into the hands of whatever malefactor published this odious list of lies."

As it had so many times in the past, his manner brought hesitation from the crowd. He met the gaze of several of the men he knew, men he had fought for, had stopped bank robbers and assassins for; sorrow started in place of his fear. Fighting the softer emotion away, he held tight to the reality of what could happen.

"Now, I'm sure, given a few...."

"Everything else on there's true!" McGurter yelled. "Why shouldn't that be, pervert?!"

There were several nods of agreement. Keeping his breathing even, Ezra scanned the streets for one of the other lawmen. There was no one in sight. Now other ideas started up: what if the others had seen the list; what if they were in trouble; what if Vin....

"This is just Stuart James' way of dividing us, of creating doubts with the intent to...." Since the cattle baron had been trouble in the past, Ezra knew James' name would give some of the older men pause. He also knew who was really behind the list.

"We don't believe you." McGurter stepped forward. "We don't want sodomites in our town. Someone who likes little boys. Faggot!"

The words went through the crowd of six or seven men. There was an almost subliminal noise, then they started to close around him. His arm came up and the derringer was in his hand, aimed at McGurter. That stopped all of them.

"Once more, I am going to walk to the saloon and clear this matter...."

He saw the man to his left start to swing a long board at him. Still not wanting to hurt anyone, Ezra shifted back, shooting into the planks at the man's feet. His move left him open from the side, and McGurter shoved him back toward the others. The next swing from the board caught him across the shoulder, bringing a yell of pain and sending the gun sailing into the dirt street. Ezra twisted, slamming his fist into McGurter's jaw only to be grabbed from behind by two of the others.

The second man raised the board again but Ezra used the hard grip he was held in to shift back far enough to kick the weapon away. A fist connected with his jaw, sagging him in the hold of his assailants. The next punch hit him in the ribs. McGurter had retrieved the board, now held above his head as he approached. Ezra's only thought was that he was glad Vin was gone. He didn't want his friend to watch him die in the streets.

The retort of a rifle exploded in the street. "Hold it!"

Ezra wanted to collapse with relief at the sound of Buck's outraged voice. Turning his head he saw Buck on his horse, gun out and aimed. Next to him Vin was sitting in silence, his still smoking rifle aimed at McGurter. As much as Ezra wanted Vin safe, he couldn't help the joy the sight of his friends caused him.

"This isn't your business." McGurter shook the piece of wood at the two lawmen.

"You're beating on a friend of mine," Buck said coldly. "That's my business."

One of the other men, emboldened by McGurter's bravery, stuck another copy of the sheet up toward Buck. Ezra flinched, closing his eyes as he tried to think of a way to just get out of town alive. Now the terrifying question of what Buck would do filled his mind. If Buck joined the crowd there would be nothing he could do. He looked toward Vin, praying he would keep his word. The blue eyes that could hold so much love and laughter were blazing with a hatred Ezra would have never thought possible. Vin didn't look at him, keeping his eyes on the men.

Buck gave the sheet a quick glance. "Goddamnit, McGurter, you boys believed this horseshit!"

McGurter would not back down. "Everything on that sheet is true and you know it."

Holstering his gun, Buck dismounted by throwing his leg over the horse's neck. That was enough for the men standing close to Ezra, they immediately released him and stepped back. Ezra took a quick breath.

"How do you know anything on here is true?" Buck was now standing nearly nose to nose with McGurter. "Touch him again and I'll kill you."

"You won't have a chance, Buck," Vin growled, eyes still narrowed.

McGurter took a step back. "You better know one thing," he growled. "The people in this town ain't going to stand for him being near their children."

With a deadly smile, Buck pushed past the man, turning his attention away from the troublemaker to Ezra. "You okay, pard?"

Very slowly, Ezra was beginning to realize that he would be able to get out of the situation more or less intact. Taking a deep breath, he said levelly, "These savages have dislocated my shoulder."

"Let's get to the saloon," Buck said, smile gone now. "Looks like a whirlwind of trouble just got stirred up."

Vin appeared at his side, started to reach for his arm. Ezra flinched back. "It would be better if you were merely to lead the way."

Gently, Vin said, "Ezra, you're white as a sheet. I don' hold on to you, you're liable to fall down."

Ezra could feel his legs starting to tremble. He looked down the street, watched as the men who had been threatening him gathered in a small crowd outside the bank.

"Oh, God...." he whispered.

"Come on, Ezra," Buck urged. "We'll get this all fixed up, starting with your shoulder."

He looked up into Buck's blue eyes, saw only concern. Buck hadn't believed the list. What would the rest do? Ezra started slowly toward the saloon, Vin's hand gripping his good elbow, Buck's hand in the center of his back. Taking one last glance toward the men and women gathered down the street, Ezra knew it didn't matter what the others thought. He would be driven out. The sorrow was devastating.

As soon as the doors parted and he saw the others sitting at the table in the furthest corner, Ezra knew that any hope of staying was gone. JD took one glance up and turned away. Nathan also glanced up, then down to his drink. After a minute, though, the healer stood and met them partway across the suddenly silent room.

"What happened?" he asked, easing Vin away and studying Ezra.

"I was attacked," Ezra said through gritted teeth. "My shoulder has been dislocated."

"Let's get upstairs, take a look."

There was the sound of spurs and boots behind them. Ezra shifted, moving his whole body around, careful not to move his head. Chris Larabee stood just inside the swinging doors, blocking the sun. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand. The blue-green eyes met his and for once in his life, Ezra had no idea what someone was thinking.

"We need to talk," Chris said.

"Soon as I get this shoulder set," Nathan assured him.

As he let the bigger man lead him toward the stairs, Ezra glanced over at the table, noting that Vin had sat down next to Buck. The tracker was staring at the empty shot glass someone had set in front of him. Ezra wished Vin would look up, wished he could tell him it would be okay. He would leave and Vin would be safe. What happened after that didn't matter.

They were at his room before he realized it, his thoughts so lost to sorrow and pain that he didn't notice the walk. Nathan's hand was still steady under his arm as he lead him to the bed and sat him down.

"How'd it happen?" Nathan questioned gently.

"While I cannot be completely certain of the type, I believe it was a maple two by four," Ezra replied flippantly.

The concern that Nathan couldn't keep from his eyes increased. "Damn. I'd better take a look rather than just pop it back."

A surge of warmth at the caring hit Ezra's chest, and the tension locked in his muscles relaxed just a little. The healer knelt next to Ezra and reached for the purple coat.

"Where's that sling I made you last month?" Nathan questioned.

"A sling? I was not required to wear a sling the...."

"Folks know you're hurt, they may leave you alone."

A smile touched Ezra's bruised face. "Subterfuge, Mister Jackson? It appears you have gained some knowledge from me after all."

Nathan didn't respond, he just eased the fine material off Ezra's shoulders. Sensing the healer's discomfort, Ezra helped him get the checker-patterned black vest off, then the leather suspenders and cream-colored shirt. A soft whistle came from Nathan. Ezra refused to look at the injury, merely staring straight ahead.

"Bad bruise here, Ezra. Probably a good thing this joint gave way," Nathan said.

"Why is that to my good fortune?"

"Any lower and it would've done broke bone," Nathan explained. Standing he slipped one hand under Ezra's elbow, the other large hand gripped his upper arm. "On three."

Ezra looked up into the dark compassionate eyes; Nathan's gaze was filled as much with disappointment as disgust. How many times had this man helped him? Saved his life? Trusted him with his own? Yet, he wanted Ezra gone. Perhaps it was something that he still didn't want him hurt.

"On three, sir," Ezra agreed.

The pain was a brief, bright flash that immediately settled into a dull throb. Panting just a little, Ezra lowered his head and took deep breaths. Nathan's hands left his arm and an instant later a glass of water has held in front of him. Still winded, he nodded his thanks before draining the glass.

"You need help dressing?" Nathan asked.

"No," Ezra said, "I can accomplish the deed if allowed enough time."

Without another word, Nathan started out.

"Nathan," Ezra called quietly. The man didn't turn, just stopped with his hand on the door handle. "Thank you."

He heard the sharp intake of breath. It was the only response. The door closed with a touch more force than necessary. The pain was fading already from his injured shoulder, in two days he would not even notice it. The room was quiet, dark and cool around him. Ezra knew he should get dressed and head downstairs but he couldn't bring himself to move. He knew what would happen when he got downstairs, knew the looks of distrust and disgust that would be leveled at him.

Too soon! The thoughts from the street kept coming back to him. He wanted to cry, to pray, to scream in outrage. He wanted to hold Vin just one more time, feel the love in his touch, and see the warmth in his beautiful blue eyes. Maybe tomorrow, when he rode out of town they could meet somewhere, just for a minute, just to say goodbye.

And he mourned for the loss of the others, for the brotherhood that he had come to understand only recently. He would miss Buck's humor, JD youthful enthusiasm, Josiah's sometimes nonsensical.... His breath caught in a near sob.

It was five long minutes before he could fight his emotions under control, could find the cold place he had existed in for most of his life, could regain the casual attitude he'd been trained in from birth. Schooling his features into the poker face he was so good at when gambling, he started downstairs, knowing the next few minutes, in their own way, would be more painful than the first betrayal had been.

Everyone was at the table when he descended the stairs. He stopped for just an instant, turning his thoughts to each of them, trying to accept what was about to happen, what had already happened. It hurt that Nathan and JD had already found him guilty. A fleeting smile touched him over Buck. A man take another, when there were women around? Buck would never believe it. Josiah? He paused there. Josiah held some unconventional religious views, but most were based on Christian tenets, which did not bode well. Chris? Ezra actually frowned at that one. Who knew what Chris would do?

He could see Vin in his usual place next to Chris. The tracker had his hat pulled down low over his eyes and was slumped in the chair. Ezra couldn't actually see much of him, between the hat and the layers of clothing. Jerking his eyes away, he forced his mind away as well. It was over. Vin would stay here with his friends, would find someone else to share his passion and life. Ezra walked steadily down the stairs, appearing to anyone who didn't know him as perfectly in control. Or so he hoped.

Sitting down in the single empty chair between Buck and Josiah, he calmly reached across and retrieved the damning white paper from in front of Chris. He had not seen much upon his first viewing beyond his own name and sin. Now, he read, that as well as accusing him of being a sodomite, it listed JD as the killer of an innocent woman, Josiah as having a crazy sister; Buck being the bastard of a whore, Nathan's romancing of the heathen Rain, and Vin's outstanding wanted poster for murder. The accusations were more politely phrased but lost no power for the wording. Chris' name was not on the list. He had not expected it to be.

"Is it true?" JD's voice, heavy with blame cut through the silence.

Ezra took a couple of breaths that he held for just a fraction longer than normal. He looked up at the younger man, seeing not the usual youthful enthusiasm, but confusion and blame.

"Mister Dunne...."

JD's eyes filled with disgust-and in that instant Ezra knew. Nathan hadn't judged him based on a piece of paper. Neither had JD. They looked into his heart and seen the answer clearly written there. He switched his gaze to Buck, watched an almost apologetic smile touch the handsome rogue's face. Josiah refused to look at him, merely staring out the window lost in thought. Chris looked back, eyes as deep and unreadable as a frozen lake.

"Damn it! It is true!" JD sputtered.

"Keep your voice down, JD!" Buck hissed across the table. "There ain't no reason for anyone else to know whether what's on this list is true or not. It don't matter anyway."

Ezra didn't know who was more surprised by the statement, him or JD.

"What'd'ya mean it don't matter?" JD continued, though his voice was now a low growl. "I ain't riding with no one that ain't a real man."

Ezra felt Vin stiffen, come a little forward in his chair. Vin pushed his hat back, and glanced over at Ezra. Anger had turned his expression dark and threatening. Without word or gesture, Ezra reminded Vin of his promise. Even from across the table, Ezra could see the resistance, could feel Vin's desperate need to do something. The war of memories and wills lasted less than a heartbeat, then Vin leaned back, lowered his hat again. While the silent battle had been fought, a cold silence had closed around the table.

"JD--"

"Buck," Nathan said in a reasonable tone, "it's not... right for a man to be that way."

"‘Thou shalt not lie with man as with woman, for such is an abomination in the eyes of God,'" Josiah quoted softly.

"See," JD snapped, pointing to Josiah, "Josiah can tell you all the things against it in the Bible."

As one they turned toward the big preacher but Josiah refused to meet their eyes, saying, almost to himself, "‘And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error.'"

"It's a sin," Nathan agreed. "Unnatural."

"Hell," Buck said with a forced smile, "half the things we do are a sin."

Ezra watched Josiah look strangely at Nathan but remain silent.

Ezra sat in stunned amazement as Buck continued to argue with the other two peacekeepers. Josiah went back to staring out the window. It would have been funny in other circumstances--he had been forgotten. He switched his gaze to Chris, trying to figure out what the black-clad leader was thinking. Chris was also ignoring him, staring out the window at a group of women gathered in front of the Clarion. Mary was among them. The gunslinger seemed to be trying to decide something. With sudden insight, Ezra knew what it was.

"Gentlemen," ; Ezra said firmly. He had known this moment was coming since he had seen the paper. Some small part of him had hoped to leave on better terms, to convince his friends that they could still be that. Now, he knew better, perhaps always had. "Gentlemen!"

The table grew quiet, everyone, including Vin and Chris, turning their attention to him. He smiled, held up his good hand in a peaceful gesture. "There is no need for this rather lengthy philosophical discussion. I will be departing in the morning."

He was proud of the control that statement had taken to sound casual. Buck shook his head while JD nodded and said, "Good."

"I think it'd be best," Nathan said.

Josiah did not look as certain about it. When he looked over at Ezra the gambler could see the confusion in the blue-gray eyes. Ezra gave the man a soft smile before standing. Looking directly at Chris, he caught the shaded green eyes.

"A reminder that the person who sent this..."

"Ella," Chris said tightly.

Ezra nodded. "That is my summation. Gaines' main purpose has been to rid herself of us to gain you, Mister Larabee. She has now achieved part of that end."

"We can handle her," JD snapped.

Pushing his chair back under the table, Ezra cleared his throat, looked at each man except Vin and said, "While I understand that feelings have changed, I must...." He took a deep breath. "I have been proud to ride with each of you."

He started to turn away, only to have Buck catch his forearm. "Ezra, there's no need for this. We can figure something out."

Sorrow touched his chest. "Buck," he said patiently. "This is one of those games I spoke of earlier."

Dignity firmly in evidence, he headed back for the stairs.

"Ezra," Chris called out.

He turned and was once more held by Larabee's gaze. Only this time, the cold emerald eyes held open apology and thanks. Ezra tipped his hat and continued away.

+ + + + + + +

Chris watched Ezra walk slowly up the stairs. He closed his eyes for a moment in silent thanks for the gambler's keen insight. By understanding the decision Chris was being forced to make, Ezra had taken away the choice. If he, along with Buck, had backed Ezra it would have forced Josiah, JD and Nathan away. The group would have been torn apart. And Chris knew it wouldn't have gained them much. Eventually, Ezra would still have been driven out of town. The good townspeople would have probably asked him and Buck to leave as well. And there was Mary to consider. It would still be a long time before he could make up for his indiscretion with Ella, but now at least he would have that chance, thanks to Ezra's leaving.

"Well, now that we've proved how loyal we are," Buck said sarcastically, drawing Chris' attention back to the table. "Who else we gonna give up?"

"That ain't what happened, Buck," JD defended. "Ezra ain't like the rest of us. The townspeople need to know we won't put up with his kind."

"His kind?" Vin's rough voice asked.

Vin was always quiet, but Chris had been surprised he'd had nothing to say until now. Turning a little sideways, Chris felt the tension tightening Vin's whole body. Sitting up straighter, Vin pushed his hat back, allowing Chris to see the anger in his eyes.

"His kind?" Vin repeated again with more force. "What are his kind, JD? Like Nathan's kind? A Negro man with an Indian girl? Or maybe like Josiah, who could be crazy as his sister? Buck's a bastard, reckon we don't need his kind neither?" He took a deep breath and finished by staring directly at JD. "Or maybe like me and you, hired killers?"

The young sheriff paled. "That was--"

"Shut up, JD," Buck cut him off.

Silence claimed the table. "Vin does raise a real question, gentlemen," Josiah finally said. "The townspeople would have killed Ezra today if they hadn't been stopped. What happens when they want the rest of us gone?"

JD paled even more before turning to Chris. "That won't happen, will it, Chris? They know about Vin and me; they know what really happened. And Nathan and Josiah have been here a long time. And Buck ain't a danger to no one. He hasn't done nothing wrong."

"Neither has Ezra," Vin said.

"If he were to hurt a kid or--"

Vin's glass shattered against the wall behind JD, startling even Chris with the fast move. JD's eyes narrowed in anger and he started to stand. Josiah pushed him back down in his chair.

"Sit down," Chris ordered.

He looked around the table, trying to decide if there might be another member of their number in danger from the townspeople. He didn't think so. While he didn't care who Ezra choose to love or bed, he knew that most folks did. He also knew that standing up for him might have convinced some but not all. A flash of guilt hit him. If they had all denied the accusation, they might have convince the gambler to stay. But with JD, Nathan and Josiah not liking the truth, there was nothing else to do.

"No one else leaves," Chris said coldly. "If the town has trouble with that, they'll just have to live with it."

"What 'bout Ezra?" Buck asked.

Chris heard the sharp intake of breath from next to him but didn't turn. "Ezra...."

"Is the sacrificial lamb," Josiah intoned softly. "So that the rest of us may be forgiven our sins."

"Lamb hell," JD said in a low voice. "He's a damn faggot."

"JD," Buck near-yelled, coming to his feet.

Chris grabbed his arm and jerked him away. The glare Buck gave him was full of frustration and disappointment. Without a word, his old friend snatched his arm away and headed for the stairs.

JD made to follow him, only to be stopped once again by Josiah. "Let him be for now," the older man warned.

The chair beside Chris scraped across the dirty floor as Vin rose. The tracker started to walk past him. Something in the slow moves and silence started warning bells in Chris' mind. He turned, looking over his shoulder.

"Where you going?" For some reason, he was afraid of the answer.

Vin gave him a sorrowful half-smile. "Gotta get my wagon fixed up some. Reckon I'll be heading out with Ezra."

Cold emptiness filled Chris' stomach at the even reply. He looked up into the light blue eyes that had held him together for so long; long enough for him to realize that the world did go on and maybe even could be a good place again. He swallowed hard, trying to gather the myriad of emotions into one coherent statement.

"I thought we was going to Tascosa together, pard?" Chris asked quietly.

The sorrow in the other man's gaze hit Chris like a punch. "Yeah," Vin said with a nod, "so did I."

He gave Chris a single tip of his hat and walked away.

"Damn," Josiah said.

It was the only sound heard at the table for a long time.

+ + + + + + +

The light knock at the door startled Ezra out of his contemplation of the wall. He glanced up, not remembering sitting down. The sunlight through the window proved that he had not been lost in thought for long, for which he was grateful. There was a lot to pack, a lot to leave behind. The knock sounded again. He stood and stepped toward the door. Buck was standing in the hall.

"Ezra."

Ezra didn't move for a minute, too surprised at finding the other man there. Finally, he stepped aside, inviting Buck in without a word. The bigger man came in, took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair.

"Ezra...," he started, then sighed. "Damn. I don't know what to say about all of this."

"There is nothing to say, Mister Wilmington. I have been discovered. I have to remove myself from the sight of these highly moral townspeople," Ezra said sarcastically.

Buck sat down in the chair, looked up with frustration and resignation in his eyes. "If we had backed you, denied the letter, stood up and told the townsfolk we was all in this together....

For some reason he couldn't figure out, Ezra found himself smiling. "‘One for all, and all for one.'"

"What?" Buck questioned.

Waving it away, Ezra said, "Nothing." He took a deep breath. "I would like to thank you for coming to my defense, Buck. I must confess to being rather surprised that a man of your natural proclivities would understand my situation."

Buck gave him a crooked smile. "Well, pard, can't say as I do understand it exactly. Why a man would pick some hard, hairy fellow when he could have a soft, nice-smelling woman is just beyond me. Heck, there are times when I don't understand why women even put up with men -- myself excluded, 'course."

Ezra laughed at the typical Buck answer, though part of him felt very much like crying. He was going to miss Buck.

"I was raised in brothels, Ezra." The handsome gunslinger's expression turned serious. "I know the difference between sex and love. Sometimes, trail partners would come in, hire a room and only the two of them would use it. I've seen some of the ladies find it with other ladies too. So I learned early on that what a man or woman wants in another, isn't something one should be judging."

Staring at the other man, Ezra realized that deep down he wasn't at all surprised by this revelation. He sat down on the bed, absently fingering the clothes he had laid out to pack. "If only everyone felt that way," he said wistfully.

Buck ducked his head. "I don't know what happened downstairs. I wouldn't have expected--"

"They were merely stating what they felt to be true."

"JD should--"

"JD is twenty," Ezra reminded him. "There is nothing more frightening or threatening to one's budding masculinity than someone outside the norm." He met Buck's dark blue eyes, refusing to think on the difference between his and Vin's. "One day, when JD is older, he might understand things better."

He could tell Buck wanted to believe him, wanted to forgive the other men, but he also wanted Ezra to stay. "I understand about Chris, even Josiah and Nathan, but Vin--"

"Is going with Ezra," Vin said from the door.

Ezra's attention snapped up, his gaze meeting Vin's eyes. "What?"

From the corner of his eyes Ezra saw Buck smile and nod. "I thought so."

"What?" Ezra now demanded of Buck.

"Which one ah us you want to answer that first?" Vin chuckled from the door. He stepped in and closed it behind him.

Coming to his feet, Ezra took several deep breaths. As much as he wanted to know what Vin was talking about, he knew it would be better discussed in private. So, he turned his attention to Buck. The other man smiled widely at him.

"What do you mean by that, Mister Wilmington?"

Buck gave him a little shrug. "Figured out you two were more'n friends. Last winter, maybe?"

"Just about," Vin confirmed with a slight smile.

Ezra sat down heavily. "You didn't say anything?"

"Why? I ain't said nothing to Chris about Mary neither." With a smile he added, "Now, JD and Casey, that's different."

"Spoken like a true big brother," Ezra observed.

Obviously sensing their need to be alone, Buck stood up. The bigger man stepped in front of Ezra, grabbed his hand and pulled him into a quick, careful hug. He turned and did the same to Vin.

Slipping his hat back on, he put his hand on the doorknob. "You boys take care of each other."

Ezra suddenly couldn't force any words past the constriction in his throat. He managed a nod.

Vin promised, "We will, Buck."

+ + + + + + +

As the door closed behind Buck, Vin turned to Ezra. A hard fist caught him across the jaw, sending him back into the wall. He put his hand out and pushed up in time to grab Ezra's wrist as he swung again.

"What the hell's the matter with you!?" he yelled.

"Me! You lied to me!" Ezra snarled.

Vin started to yell again, started to demand what he had lied about but one look into Ezra's eyes told him everything. A whirlwind of emotions spun through the jade: anger, confusion, pain. And fear, all the fear that had been vanquished by them in the past months was now back, as dark as it had been at first. He dropped Ezra's arm, stepped back. Ezra did the same, putting space between them.

"You gave me your word," Ezra said sarcastically.

"I promised to keep quiet if you got caught," Vin said. "I did. I let them blame you, call you names, say things 'bout you that ain't right. And I stayed quiet."

The pain of Ezra's exile hit him again, as well as the fight to stay silent against the need to speak the truth about the man. It had only magnified the confusion of the betrayal, of the looks of relief from the other three as Ezra had left. Vin took a deep breath, used the movement of taking off his hat to distract him. When he looked up again, he could see his own sorrow reflected in Ezra's expression.

"And I promised you that I would always be there," Vin reminded him.

Ezra closed his eyes and Vin watched him swallow hard. They moved at the same time, coming together. Vin carefully fitted Ezra against him, making sure his arm was tucked between them. Ezra pulled him in hard with his good arm, anchoring them together. As he sagged in the tight hold, Ezra's forehead came to rest against Vin's chest.

Vin could feel the fine tremors running along Ezra's body. "Hush now," he said.

"Oh God, Vin," Ezra whispered, "I'm so scared."

Stroking through his hair, Vin laid a light kiss on the top of Ezra's tilted head. "It'll be all right. We're together."

They stayed that way for a long time, until Vin felt Ezra straighten slightly and tilt his head up. Vin covered his lips gently, letting the love that filled his heart reach through the kiss. After a minute, Ezra eased away. With a quick deep breath, the gambler was once more in control.

"Not gonna hit me any more are you?" Vin asked.

"Not unless you provide me with another adequate reason," Ezra said. "I shall have to be more precise in my wording when discussing promises with you in the future."

"Well, I don't know what you're so gol-darned riled up about," Vin said lightly. "I'm the one what oughta be pissed."

Sitting on the bed, Ezra looked up. "You?"

Vin sat down next to him and lost all hint of joking. "Did you really think I'd just let you ride outta here?"

Ezra lowered his head, staring thoughtfully at the floor. After a minute he looked back at Vin, eyes glittering in the bright sunlight from the window. "I... I don't believe I ever really let myself consider otherwise. I had decided that if anything of this nature happened, I would relinquish my position and ride out. You would stay. I refused to revise that scenario."

Looking into the confused expression on Ezra's face, Vin almost laughed, except the demons were there to stop him. He started to reach for Ezra again, only to find his arms empty as the shorter man went to the window.

"Vin," Ezra asked quietly. "What about Chris? Miss Nettie? They're your family. I have no right...."

"You know," Vin said, "the Kiowas don't grieve when a person leaves to join another band." He came up behind Ezra and put his arms around the man's waist. "They celebrate it as a new beginning."

With gentle moves, he turned Ezra around and ran his finger along Ezra's lips. "You cain't live with your family forever. Chris and Miss Nettie will always be part of me, but I have my own family now."

Ezra ducked his head to hide the shine of tears. If they became more than a glitter, Vin never got to see, as he was suddenly being kissed with all the love he had seen in the jade eyes.

"You'd better go," Ezra said quietly as he broke the kiss.

Vin ran his hands through the longer hair. "Think I'll stay."

Absolute terror filled Ezra's eyes, the shadows so strong and dark that Vin wanted to cry over his lover's pain. "Ezra...."

Taking a deep breath, Ezra fought his demons under control. "The town will be watching me. If you stay, they will know the truth...and... and they may go after.... Please, Vin, remember your promise and deny me a little longer."

Flinching at the reminder, Vin took a sharp breath and nodded. "I need to go work on the wagon. Get it ready for tomorrow."

Ezra nodded, the swirling emotions allowing no words. With one more gentle kiss, Vin said, "Tomorrow."

Walking out was one of the hardest things he'd ever done.

+ + + + + + +

It was only as he sat down in the dirt to grease the wagon wheel that Vin realized he had wanted to stay with Ezra as much for himself as for his friend. Coming back to the wagon had given him too much time to think. Despite what Ezra thought, Vin had not been naïve in knowing how most people would react to finding out that Ezra preferred his own sex. He had known there would be those who, for some odd reason, thought that meant chasing children, especially little boys. Vin had been ready for all of that. What he hadn't been ready for was the reaction from the other five.

Leaning back against the wagon, he played with the tin of white axle grease. Nathan and Josiah he could almost understand. They were both religious, though it seemed they were being more religious over this than some other things. A smile touched his face. Buck understood. That was something. JD was the most confusing. How could he go from trusting Ezra with his life to hating him?

It was Chris that had truly disappointed him. He had not even tried to defend the southerner. Vin stood, jaw tight. It seemed like fate had led him to this place. Why else would he have found two men to claim his heart and soul, one as a brother and one as a lover? While there had never been any decision to make, no consideration of Chris over Ezra, having to leave under these circumstances was ripping him apart.

The soft steps told him who was coming, and he turned to stand in front of Chris. Vin almost smiled as Chris pushed his hat back. He'd never known anyone whose eyes changed color like Chris'. Now, in the high sunlight, they were almost blue, a sure sign that his friend was troubled.

The sun did nothing to hide the ice in Vin's blue eyes. Chris stared at him, waiting. They stood there for a long time, Vin refusing to break the silence, refusing to make it easier for the black-clad gunslinger.

As Chris had done from the beginning, he read Vin's thoughts and a wry smile touched his expression. "Not gonna make it easy, huh?"

Vin let a touch of anger enter his expression. "Like you did on Ezra?"

Chris took a sharp breath, straightened just a little. Vin had hit his guilt. "Ezra made his decision."

"Did he?" Vin insisted. "Did anyone give him a chance? I sure didn't see it."

"I didn't hear you speaking up for him," Chris said sharply.

Picking up the tin of grease, Vin said simply, "Couldn't."

As he started to turn away, Chris grabbed his arm. "Vin," Chris pleaded. "I didn't come to fight with you."

"Why did you come, cowboy?" Vin asked, still facing the wagon.

Chris let go of his arm. How did he explain something he didn't understand? Since the moment their eyes had met across the dusty street three years before, Chris had felt Vin's presence like a warm blanket on a cold day. Even during the incident on the wagon train, when everyone else had believed Vin had deserted them, Chris had known he would be back. "I wanted to try to get him to stay. But...." He sighed. "But he knew I was thinking about the town, about Mary, about not being able to stay if me and Buck were the only two to back him."

In that instant, Chris realized Ezra's way of knowing things like that had been one of the strengths the gambler had brought to the group. The southerner had the ability to see what each of them was thinking and feeling.

A deep sigh from Vin brought his attention back to the other friend he was losing. "Wasn't just your fault, Chris," Vin said in absolution. "JD, Josiah, and Nathan cut him loose, too."

"Vin," Chris cut to the question that had drawn him here. "Why are you going with him?"

Turning slowly, Vin faced him, raising his chin to gaze into Chris' eyes. Chris could read the conflict there, could see the same struggle he'd had, to explain something as inexplicable as their own joining. He could also see the temptation to lie come and go as quickly as prairie lightning.

Finally, Vin smiled and said, "Ezra and me belong together."

Chris took a sharp breath, understanding immediately. For a long time, he merely stared into the blue eyes. Vin couldn't be like Ezra! Vin couldn't be in love with the man. But Vin's eyes held his and Chris could read the love he felt for the stubborn gambler. It was the same look of complete honesty Vin had shown him in the rocks above the Seminole village.

After a minute, a hint of a smile played around Chris' thin lips. Vin and Ezra. "You sure?"

A light of relief and humor came into Vin's expression. "Yeah."

"Well," Chris said, tilting his head a little to gaze out from under the hat. "Reckon you should go with him then."

"Yeah," Vin agreed.

Refusing to acknowledge just how deep the loss was cutting, Chris said, "You need any help with the wagon?"

Vin smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes. "All I can get."

They passed the rest of the afternoon in the same companionable silence that had been with them since that day on the street so long ago.

+ + + + + + +

Night was a long time going. Vin had lain awake, staring at the white canvas covering, partially filled with disappointment, partially with worry. He and Ezra hadn't talked about where they were heading, about what they would do when they got there. It was far into the night when the realization that they were survivors, coupled with the reality that they would be together, let him drift to sleep.

Dawn was an hour gone when Vin straightened from loading the wagon in time to see Ezra come around the front of the wagon. The gambler was wearing a sandy brown trail jacket. Vin wondered if were to avoid dirtying his good clothes or in a hope not to be noticed as they rode out of town. He was leading his and Vin's horses one-handed, the other arm still in the sling.

"Tie Chico on back," Vin said by way of greeting.

Ezra stood where he was, looking down the alley with trepidation. Vin whirled, hand reaching for his gun.

Chris was walking toward them. To Vin's confusion, there was a hint of anger on Chris' face. Worry about what the gunslinger intended to do crept into Vin's thoughts. He could tell that his friend hadn't had a good night; he looked blurry and unsteady. The gunslinger stopped in front of them.

Without so much of a word of greeting, Chris said to Ezra, "You realize you could get Vin killed 'cause of this."

For an instant, Vin was too shocked to say anything. Chris had decided that somehow Ezra had tempted him into the situation?

Taking a step forward Vin defended, "You got no call to say that. Ain't nothing happened here that weren't my idea."

"And what happens when the bounty hunters find out instead of six men backing you, there's only one?" Chris questioned.

From the corner of his vision Vin saw Ezra pale. The gambler had obviously not considered the reason bounty hunters had avoided coming after him. Vin had already considered and dismissed it as unimportant. Bounty hunters for the most part worked alone. As long as they were together, they would be safe. From the look on Ezra's face, he wouldn't agree.

Before Vin could say anything, Ezra stepped forward. "Mister Larabee," Ezra said with a surprising sharpness in his voice. "No matter who or what comes up against us, we are capable of handling the situation."

Chris' expression grew even colder. "Ezra, you ain't cared about nothing but money your whole life. Why should I believe you want anything out of Vin but a quick--"

Ezra's punch was fast and hard, throwing Larabee across the alley and into the wall of the saloon. The smaller man lunged for the gunslinger, but Vin grabbed him around the waist, hauling him back. Ezra struggled in his arms.

"Release me, Mister Tanner! He has insulted both of us and I intend to have satisfaction!"

Vin was equally angered by Chris' accusation but knew that the black-clad gunslinger had an equally explosive temper. The last thing they needed was to be involved in a fight with Chris. The sorrow that had haunted Vin all night now turned into anger. Still holding on to Ezra, he looked back at the downed man. Ezra stopped struggling in his arms as they both realized what they were seeing.

Chris was rising slowly from the dirt, ineffectively brushing at the dust on the black clothes, and smiling. It wasn't much of a smile, more a combination grimace and half-frown, but its appearance stopped Vin.

Finally, Chris sighed and said, "Guess you two are serious about this."

Ezra straightened from where he'd been leaning forward and glanced over his shoulder at Vin. Vin caught his gaze, still unsure as to what had just happened.

"Mister Larabee," Ezra ventured carefully. "Am I to understand that you were testing my commitment to Mister Tanner?"

The gunslinger had the grace to look a little embarrassed. "You've taken a lot of shit from me in the past few years, Ezra, but you ain't never got mad enough to swing on me."

"My word ain't good enough for you, cowboy?" Vin said in a low voice.

"Yours, yes," Chris looked at Ezra, cocked his head a little, letting the rest go unsaid.

It was Vin this time who pulled back to swing on him, only to have Ezra turn in front of him and grab his arm.

"Now, Mister Tanner, he was only looking after your well-being. I can hardly fault him for that." With a smile, looking over his shoulder at Chris, he added, "And after three years I finally got to strike the bastard."

Vin's reaction was mostly amazement as Chris just smiled a little wider. Finally, he shook his head. "You two are enough to drive a man crazy."

Both the others laughed and Chris extended his hand to Ezra. "You boys be careful."

"I would suggest the rest of you also follow that advice, especially with that woman," Ezra added.

Vin watched as something else occurred to the stoic gunfighter. Chris stared at Ezra. "You were expecting this, weren't you?"

"Yes, sir, I was." Ezra gave him a soft smile. "And, Mister Larabee, I understand your reactions."

Chris took a deep breath and nodded. It struck Vin then that this was what Chris had been looking for--forgiveness. And Ezra had known it; not only had he sacrificed his place for Chris, but he held no anger over it.

"You boys get ready to take on Tascosa, you find me," Chris said solemnly.

The man who had brought them together turned and walked away.

Vin watched, the warmth from Chris' reaction changing to a dull pain of loss. A hand touched his arm. Jerking his gaze from the retreating figure, he looked over at Ezra. Guilt shadowed the man's expression. Vin gave him a nod, acknowledging that it hurt to leave. He followed that with a quick smile to assure him that he was doing exactly what he wanted.

"Let's go," Vin instructed, practically. They would have plenty of time to offer reassurances later.

With Vin driving the newly-bought mules and Ezra riding beside, they started out of town. McGurter and some of the other townspeople stared with open hostility as they went by. Mary waved at them, as did Missus Potter. As they passed the saloon, Chris merely nodded before turning to go inside. Vin frowned, hoping his friend wouldn't get too drunk. As if to offer proof of how they thought alike, Buck gave them a tip of the hat and a smile, then followed Chris into the saloon. There was no sign of JD or Nathan. Josiah stepped out of the church to offer a wave of goodbye. That surprised both men and helped to lighten the sadness that followed them like a shadow.

+ + + + + + +

They traveled in silence until they reached the crossroads two hours later. Vin pulled up the team. He had to smile when he looked up at Ezra. The man was asleep on his horse. The big gelding ambled over and stopped next to the black mules; the sudden absence of motion woke Ezra with a jerk. Vin smiled at him, watched him yawn and take a one-armed stretch.

The day was as beautiful as the one before. Despite everything, the wind off the prairie brought a smile to Vin's face. He looked up at the two signs on the post. One read Four Corners, the other Eagle Bend. The other two directions were unmarked. Vin looked down the road leading east, then the one headed north. Nettie's place was down the way to Eagle Bend and would take them several miles in a different direction than he wanted.

"Are we required to be somewhere?" Ezra asked.

Vin looked up into smiling green eyes. "Reckon we can get a good meal there anyway," Vin remarked.

"Since I assume we will be sharing the culinary duties I strongly suggest we take this opportunity."

Vin thought that one through for a minute, then stared up at him. "You telling me you cain't cook?"

"The gastronomic arts are one of my lesser talents." Ezra smiled back.

"Guess that means no," Vin sighed. Giving a slight tug to the right he headed the wagon toward Nettie's ranch.

After a few miles, Ezra broke the silence by asking, "Where are we proceeding after leaving Missus Wells'?"

Vin drawled. "Are we required to be somewhere?"

There was stunned silence from the gambler, followed by a hearty laugh. Vin let the laughter chase the dark thoughts away for a moment, even though he knew they would return.

"Got a place in mind," he said, clucking the mules into a trot. "Figured we needed a little time alone."

Ezra was frowning as his horse trotted along side the wagon. "I had hoped we might pay a visit to that wonderful cave again."

"Nope," Vin said. "This place is even better."

The sun was standing straight in the sky when they reached the small ranch house. A few of the horses nickered at them and one of the mules brayed, warning everyone in the area of their presence. Vin was pleased upon seeing the empty cattle pen. Just a few weeks ago he, JD, and Casey had managed to round up nearly twenty head of mavericks that had moved onto Nettie's land. It was too small a lot to attract a big buyer, but she thought she could sell them among the neighbors looking to fatten a couple to have beef for the winter. From the sight of the empty corral, her idea had worked.

He set the brake and wrapped the reins around the solid handle. Ezra had already dismounted and moved to the water trough. The door creaked open as Vin climbed off the wagon. Nettie stepped out on the porch, Casey standing next to her.

"Vin," she said warmly. "Come on in, boy." Before he could reply, she pointed toward Ezra. "You--get off my land."

The statement was so surprising that for a minute, neither man moved. It was finally Vin who regained his voice. "Miss Nettie, I know Ezra here ain't much help around--"

"Don't like what he is! Now, nancy boy, get off my property," the tough lady said with a threat in her voice.

Vin stared at the woman he thought he knew, had come to think of as a second mother. He didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. A slight touch to his arm brought him around to face Ezra. The man's face was completely controlled, impassive. But he wouldn't meet Vin's eyes; he kept his eyes on Miss Nettie, as if he didn't trust her not to shoot him in the back.

"I'll rendezvous with you at the crossroads, Van," he said.

"Ezra...."

Ezra looked up at him and Vin flinched at the sad acceptance on the handsome face. "Enjoy dinner."

Vin watched as Ezra climbed one-handed onto his horse. The southerner gave him a quick smile and tipped his hat to the two women on the porch. Casey returned a deadly glare; Nettie just crossed her arms and waited for him to leave. Turning, Vin stepped up on the wooden porch, watching with strange detachment as Nettie took his arm.

"You're too loyal for your own good, son," she said with a shake of her head.

"JD's right," Casey said. "We can't let men like that live around decent folks."

Vin came to a dead stop, the pain in his chest nearly taking his breath away. He looked down at the gray-haired woman holding his arm, at the young girl wearing the disgusted look. Over his shoulder he could see Ezra moving slowly down the road, dust trailing behind his horse.

"Vin?" Nettie asked in confusion.

Very carefully, Vin took her hand off his arm and held it gently for a minute. "Miss Nettie, thanks for being there for me. You and Casey here look after each other." He swallowed around the lump in his throat. "I'll always think of y'all as family. Reckon every family's got a black sheep or two, though."

They were staring at him, mouths slightly open. He took the chance of their shock to give them both a quick kiss on the cheek. Without looking back, he went down the steps, climbed into the wagon and followed the man he loved.

Ezra looked back as he neared and reined his horse to a walk. The green eyes were soft with sympathy. Vin gave him what he hoped was a convincing smile. The answer was a frown, but instead of saying anything, Ezra merely turned back, facing the trail north. Vin was glad his companion didn't say anything. There were too many things he had to think about right now.

Thirteen

Ezra let Vin set the pace, decide how far they would go that day. It seemed the tracker wanted some distance between him and the reality they were escaping, as they had traveled until nearly dark. The quiet had continued after they stopped. Ezra was used to Vin's long silences, but this time it was uncomfortable, edgy.

Since they had left Nettie's, Ezra could see in every line and movement that Vin's shock at the other lawmen's reaction had been magnified by the two ladies' responses. A slight thread of anger filled Ezra. He had tried to tell him! Had tried to get Vin to imagine what it would be like. That thought almost made him smile; who would have believed that exile would be more painful than the knife wounds?

He looked over at his friend, not missing the sorrow in his eyes, the almost stunned tension in his lean body. The touch of anger vanished in the sight of such misery. Sitting down opposite Vin at the fire, he absently stirred the pot of beans and bacon. Despite the fact they had ridden though dinner, he was not hungry. Making supper had given him something to do rather than listen to the growing silence. Filling a plate, he offered it to Vin.

"Better eat, we missed dinner," he said plainly.

"Get used to it," Vin snapped. "Gonna miss more'n that out here."

Startled by the anger, Ezra leaned back, flinching slightly as he hit his bruised shoulder against the rock behind him. He tried to concentrate on eating his food, but he couldn't really taste it.

Vin came to this feet, shoving the plate of food back to Ezra. "I ain't hungry. Gonna take a walk," Vin declared, stalking off toward the open hills.

Ezra came to his feet, starting to feel angry at everything. He started to call out, held his words as Vin's slender form disappeared into the dark night. With a quick twist of his wrist the tin plate clattered into the rocks nearby. The small show of temper seemed to drain away both anger and energy. Ezra sank down to one of the blankets, suddenly weary beyond words.

He missed the other men, missed the town and the poker table, missed the children. Unlike Vin, Ezra had been prepared for the betrayal. A little voice in the back of his mind called him a liar. Part of him, a small part that had come to feel at home, had hoped he was wrong, had hoped that nothing would change. He looked off into the dark again. Still, there was no part of him that wished to go back if it meant giving up his life with Vin.

Guilt assaulted him now. If it hurt him this much to move on, what must it be doing to Vin? His lover still shared part of his soul with Chris Larabee. Even though it was not enough to diminish what was between the two of them, it was enough to make Vin feel lost without it.

And there were the bounty hunters to consider. Despite the assurance he had given Larabee, he knew Vin was now in more danger thanks to him. Ezra stood; thinking only about keeping Vin safe, he grabbed his saddle, started for his horse.

There was movement at the edge of the rocks and Ezra's derringer was in his hand. Vin stepped toward him, not even noticing the gun, but staring at the saddle. Ezra followed his gaze, took a deep breath as he laid the saddle back down.

"Guess running is the first thing both of us think," Vin said. He sat back down, reached for Ezra's abandoned plate of beans. "Promised myself I wouldn't run off like that again when I was mad," Vin explained with a short sigh, not looking up. "'Specially since it ain't you I'm mad at."

Vin looked up, back at the saddle, silently demanding an explanation from Ezra. "I wanted you to be happy and safe, Vin. Instead, I seem to be--"

"Shut up, Ezra," Vin said, as he started eating.

"Perhaps, we should talk about it," Ezra suggested carefully.

Vin looked thoughtful for a minute, then shook his head. "Ain't nothing to talk about."

Ezra nodded in agreement. There wasn't much he could say that would make Vin feel any better. Though there was still one thing he had to try, if only for himself. Staring into the fire, knowing if he looked at Vin his courage would desert him, Ezra said softly, "There's still time for you to return. You could explain that you hadn't believed the accusation about me but when you discovered the truth...."

He could feel Vin's gaze, could sense the heat through the inches that separated them. "....you, ah, you decided...."

"Ezra."

"...you did not wish, ah, to be associated...."

"Ezra." A hand touched his arm and his voice died as he looked over at Vin. The man was smiling gently at him. "I ain't heard as sorry an excuse as that since that day you told Casey...'bout...."

He choked on the name, and Ezra could see the tears glitter in the soft campfire light. Ezra knew what to do, knew the words. Slipping free of the sling, he shifted, took Vin in his arms, stroking though the long, soft hair.

"Everything will be well," he whispered. "We're together."

This was what love was about, Ezra realized as he tightened his arms around Vin's lean body: giving and taking comfort, needing someone and being there for someone. "I love you."

"Just didn't think it'd be as bad as this," Vin admitted.

Ezra gave him a watery laugh. "And here it wasn't nearly as catastrophic as I believed it would be."

Vin tilted his head back, but made no attempt to move otherwise. There was puzzlement in the blue eyes. "What?"

"On a whole, I would say we broke even. JD, Nathan, Casey and Miss Nettie versus Chris, Buck, Missus Travis and Missus Potter."

"You expected everyone to hate us?" Vin realized.

"As you expected everyone to forgive us," Ezra surmised.

"Maybe not forgive.... I just didn't reckon Miss Nettie would be that way, 'specially after your ma taking it so well."

Ezra jumped. "My mother?!"

Vin looked up, seeing the dismay on his face. "Damn, Ezra, I didn't mean to startle you none. We were talking and she just seemed to figure it out. She said for me to watch out for you. I told her we'd look out after each other."

Ezra stared at the tracker for a long time before realizing he was not surprised by Maude's insight. Maude was a woman who had lived by her wits and observations for over fifty years. Frowning a little, he realized it had been years since she had tried to marry him off to some wealthy family. With a slight chuckle and shake of his head, Ezra admitted to himself that she must have known about him for while.

Vin shifted back into his arms, bringing his attention back. "Something else...."

"Yes?"

"Feels like I've run out on them."

Ezra flinched at the wording, remembering that day on the mountain above the Seminole village. To his slight shame, he had never considered that side of their present situation.

"They would have killed me, Vin," he reminded the tracker.

"I know we couldn't stay... but Ella's still out there."

"Yes," Ezra agreed softly. He had already had thoughts about the others' chances without them. While he would still put his money on the five, it would have been a larger wager if he and Vin were there.

A thought that had arisen earlier returned to him. "I had an idea this afternoon...."

Slipping away from Vin, Ezra reached for his saddlebag and withdrew the damning poster.

"What'd you bring that for?" Vin questioned.

Returning the puzzled look, Ezra admitted, "I'm not certain. It seemed it might provide a clue if we were to pursue...."

He was suddenly on his back, Vin straddling his hips and kissing along his lips and cheeks. "You're just as worried 'bout them as I am."

"I merely...." Ezra stammered to a stop. He really hadn't thought about why he had shoved the offending paper into his saddlebag. It was only later that the idea had come to him.

Vin sat back and pulled him up. "What's your plan?"

"Well, it was not completely formulated but I thought that since we would be on the move for a indeterminate amount of time, we could inquire at nearby towns as to the accessibility of printing services."

Looking both impressed and confused, Vin said, "Well, ain't many towns big enough for a printer, but how will we know when we got the right one?"

Holding up the piece of paper, Ezra pointed to his name. "Whoever printed this is not the perfectionist of Missus Travis. One of their capital S's is missing the upper portion."

"Damn," Vin said. "I knew I loved you for more than just your smile."

"Whoever had this printed may be our infiltrator."

"We got to get word--"

"Vin," he reminded him gently. "We are going to have to be wary of going into any nearby town too soon. People know us in Eagle Bend and Red Fork. If these posters find their way there, our reception...."

"Yeah," Vin said quietly. "That's way I was planning on us laying low for a bit."

"The place you were speaking of earlier?" Ezra hinted.

"Reckoned we could stay there while we figured out what to do next."

Staring back down at the paper, Ezra said, "We do not have to be the ones to investigate this. We could chance going into say, Apache Wells, and send a letter to Mister Larabee with our discovery."

"Apache Wells has a telegraph office," Vin said.

"I believe it would be prudent to avoid the telegraph for now," Ezra said without elaboration.

Vin tilted his head a bit. "You got a hunch, huh? Apache Wells ain't far out of the way. Can make it by day after tomorrow. " He looked over at Ezra, blue eyes barely colored by the firelight. "Thanks, Ezra. Might not help but it makes me feel like we ain't just leaving them."

Ezra had noted the sorrow returning to Vin's voice. "I wish things could have turned out the way you imagined them."

Nodding, Vin said, "Me too."

"Perhaps...."

"Ezra," Vin cut him off, "you ain't getting me to leave, so give up."

A slow smile started across Ezra's face as he said, "I was attempting to say that perhaps you should come here and I will remind you of the reason we left."

Vin moved closer, hands sliding along Ezra's sides to encircle his waist. He returned Ezra's smile with one that lit his eyes and sent heat along Ezra's nerves. Ezra knew he would never regret a single moment of the future if only Vin would smile at him like that.

"Don't need a reminder," Vin said huskily. "I know every time I look into your eyes and see how much you love me."

"You have a wicked mind, Mister Tanner," Ezra said. "Romantic notions were not what I was going to remind you of this evening."

Sliding away with a quick kiss, Ezra climbed into the wagon and dug through his packs. Once he'd found the small object, he came back to join Vin on the blanket.

Feeling suddenly shy, he handed the plainly wrapped package over without looking up. "I had intended to gift you this when we reached our destination, but since we find ourselves in need of entertainment, now is probably a better time."

With slightly shaking fingers Vin ripped open the brown paper. Ezra watched the way the firelight sparkled in the soft eyes, watched the surprise and pleasure take years off Vin's face.

"You got me a book," Vin whispered.

"Yes, I thought--"

Shoving it at him, Vin demanded, "Read it."

Ezra shook his head. "Oh no, my love. This is for you to read to me. I am tired of providing the only culture in this forsaken wilderness."

Vin's smile faded, turned slowly into regret and shame. "Ezra, I ain't kept up with my lessons."

Leaning in for another kiss, Ezra said, "I am aware of your many distractions. We have all our lives for me to teach you just as you have me."

Vin's smile grew slowly, shyly. Tilting the book into the meager campfire light, he swallowed and read, "A Child's Gar...den of Verse."

When he glanced up, Ezra took a sharp breath. There was an eager child gazing back at him. Vin's trust had taken a hard beating and yet, a simple gift from Ezra had brought it back. The power in that thought shook Ezra as much as anything Vin had told him or shown him.

Taking a slow breath, he said, "Perhaps you should try it out?"

With an almost reverent touch, Vin opened the book.

"In winter I get up at night
And dress by yellow candle-light.
In summer quite the other way,
I have to go to bed by day.

I have to go to bed and see
The birds still hopping on the tree,
Or hear the grown-up people's feet
Still going past me in the street.

And does it not seem hard to you,
When all the sky is clear and blue,
And I should like so much to play,
To have to go to bed by day?"

Ezra was surprised at the smoothness of Vin's reading. He stumbled a couple of times, but made it all the way with only two small corrections on his pronunciations. When he looked up at Ezra, it was with the eager look that he had worn the first time he'd quoted his own poetry to Ezra. Shaking his head, Ezra laughed.

"What?" Vin wondered, smile fading into confusion.

Moving closer, Ezra once more pulled the man to him. "How is it that you can assume the countenance of a shy child, and I fall even more in love with you? Then in the next instant, you are more handsome and mature than anyone is allowed to be, and I fall even more in love with you?"

Vin kissed lightly along Ezra's throat. "You think I ain't seen that lost, little boy staring out of your eyes? Or the way those same eyes darken up when you're thinking on making love? I love all of you."

"When we reach this promised garden," Ezra said. "We should endeavor to explore all those aspects."

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