<theme music> "I'm a loser/And I've lost someone who's dear to me/I'm a loser/And I'm not what I appear to be..." <theme music fades out>
<Rebecca walks toward camera. She is in the middle of the street in Four Corners> There is one person whom we must thank for employing seven lawmen in this town. Hello, I'm Rebecca, your Roving, Raving Reporter. Judge Oren Travis hired The Magnificent Seven to protect this small town. What did he see in these men? Did he sense some heroism exuding from them? Tonight, we will uncover this and other mysteries after this message from my sponsor.
<Television executive enters>
Exec: Honey, I had a terrible day. I actually found myself caring about what my viewers want.
Wife: Never fear. Take these CBS Pills. Guaranteed to make you uncaring toward your viewers. <fake smile>
Exec: Gee, thanks honey!
Wife: <holding bottle up> CBS Pills. When you need to make stupid decisions. <another fake smile>
Welcome back. I wired Judge Travis, asking him to come to Four Corners for an interview. He may have been avoiding me, because I didn't see him until two weeks after I sent the telegram.
He came in on the noon stage one cold, October day. I stood waiting for him, determined to not let him get away. He stepped off the stage and I bounded over to him.
Me: Judge Travis, you finally came! I'm Rebecca...
Oren: Oh no.
Me: ...and I'm so glad you're enthusiastic about this interview.
Oren: I don't have time to lollygag. I have business to tend to.
Me: I can walk with you to wherever you need to go.
Oren: No, that's...<seeing I won't give up>...oh, all right.
Me: How long have you been a circuit judge, Judge?
Oren: Ten years.
Me: Were you a lawyer before?
Oren: Yes, I served as a lawyer for 21 years.
Me: Wow! I bet you've had some strange cases.
Oren: There have been some doozies.
Me: Name one that was really weird.
Oren: I had one case where a man was suing his neighbor for having relations with his dog.
Me: What?!
Oren: <nods> I thought it was some sort of prank.
Me: Were you judging that case or representing one of those men?
Oren: It was one of the first cases I judged.
Me: <laughing> What weirdos!
Oren: You're tellin' me.
Me: Not to drudge up bad memories, but was Stephen your only son?
Oren: <hesitantly> Yes.
Me: You didn't have a son named Frank?
Oren: I take the fifth.
Me: Did Stephen have a twin name Frank who was also married to Mary?
Oren: I don't wish to discuss it.
Me: Something fishy is going on here. Anyway, I guess you wouldn't tell me your age if I asked you.
Oren: Nope.
Me: Well, that solved that mystery. What I really want to tell you, sir...well...Judge Travis, on behalf of millions people, I want to thank you for hiring seven wonderful men to protect this town.
Oren: Well, you're welcome, but there's really no need to thank me. I recognized their abilities and took advantage of them.
<We walk past the saloon, where Ezra Standish is standing outside. He tips his hat and smiles that beautiful smile of his.>
Me: <sigh>
<silence for quite a while>
Oren: Is this interview over?
Me: Hm? Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot you were here! I got...distracted.
Oren: I can see that.
Me: How did you know of Mr. Standish's previous...containment in Fort Laramie?
Oren: When I overheard JD talking to Ezra, I recognized the name from a court case I had presided over. And Ezra is not what you'd call a common name.
Me: True. So you know why Ezra was in jail?
Oren: Yep.
Me: Why?
Oren: <stays silent>
Me: <nudge Oren in the ribs with my elbow> Oh, come on. What did he do to get himself locked up?
Oren: It's a state secret.
Me: <snort> Yeah right.
Oren: Seriously, I can't disclose that information.
Me: Wow, he must've been really naughty. <with an evil grin, I look back to Ezra, who is watching Judge Travis and I walk along> Anyway, your honor, where do you live?
Oren: Why?
Me: I'm just interested in knowing, that's all. I don't want to come visit you, if that's what you're worried about.
Oren: Oh! Okay! I love about three days away from here.
Me: So what town is that?
Oren: It's just north of San Francisco.
Me: I see. Lastly, Judge Travis, what words of wisdom would you like to tell your fans?
Oren: Fans?
Me: The people who thank you for hiring the Magnificent Seven.
Oren: Oh, those fans. Just keep fighting for what you believe in and eventually your efforts will pay off. But don't break the law, please.
Me: Judge Travis, it was a pleasure talking with you.
Oren: Thank you. You weren't as bad as I had thought you would be.
Me: Uh....thanks.
Oren: Anytime. Excuse me, I have to tell Chris about a criminal that's headed this way.
Me: Okay. Thanks again, Judge Travis!
I'm still not sure whether that was a compliment or not. Nonetheless, it was a pleasant interview! Thank you once again, loyal viewer, for tuning in. Come back again, same Mag Time, same Mag Channel!
Next time we will sit down with Maude Standish and find out exactly why you don't use your own money to buy things. Good night!
Rebecca
Raving Reporter Eztraordinaire
