ANNOUNCER: Welcome to this special edition of "Magnificent Seven Dateline." Due to the popularity of this show which has quit production, MAG Network has decided to air the UNAIRED QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS from the Magnificent Seven Interviews. We hope you enjoy this program.
Hello again! I was persuaded to air the unanswered questions and answers from my interviews with the guys of Four Corners. So here they are, uncut and uncensored. Sit back and enjoy the ride!
CHRIS LARABEE
Me: Mr. Larabee, do you prefer to wear boxers or briefs?
Chris: You think I can fit anything under these pants?
Me: Well...no...
Chris: Then why did you ask?
Me: What is your favorite color?
Chris: Can't you tell? Black.
Me: If you could choose anywhere else to live, where would you go and why?
Chris: I don't know. Wherever I go, there I am.
Me: What?
Chris: ::shrugs:: Don't ask me.
VIN TANNER
Me: Mr. Tanner, which do you prefer? Boxers or briefs?
Vin: What do you mean? Oh, undergarments? Well, I...uh...I don't wear any.
Kev: OHMIGOD!! ::THUD!::
Me: Well, all right! What's your favorite color then?
Vin: Anything earthy. Green, brown.
Me: And if you could choose any place in the world to live, where would you go and why?
Vin: I go wherever the wind takes me.
Me: So if the wind blew you to Tascosa, you'd be happy?
Vin: I didn't mean literally...
Me: But that's what you said.
Vin: I just meant I don't make plans. If I feel like goin' somewhere, then I go. I'd like to see the whole country someday.
BUCK WILMINGTON
Me: So, Mr. Wilmington, what color attracts your attention?
Buck: Pink. 'Cause wherever there's pink, there's a lady nearby.
Me: Where would you go if you could choose anywhere else to live?
Buck: Anywhere where there's plenty of ladies.
Me: How did I know you were going to say that?
JOSIAH SANCHEZ
Me: So, boxers or briefs?
Josiah: Interesting question. When you follow the Lord, briefs are the most popular form of underwear.
Me: So you're saying all preachers wear briefs?
Josiah: Yep.
Me: What's your favorite color, Mr. Sanchez?
Josiah: Yellow, the color of the sun. When the sky is covered with clouds and the sun starts shining through, it makes me realize the beauty of our universe.
Me: If you could choose anywhere else to live, where would you go?
Josiah: Somewhere that needs salvation.
JD DUNNE
Me: Mr. Dunne, pardon the forwardness of my next question, but do you wear boxers or briefs?
JD: Boxers, definitely.
Me: What is your favorite color?
JD: Green. It reminds me of spring.
Me: That's funny, because some people call you the "greenhorn."
JD: Don't remind me.
Me: So, do you own a lot of green boxers?
JD: Uh...yeah.
Me: If you could go anywhere else to live, where would you go and why would you go there?
JD: Texas, so I could become a Texas Ranger.
Me: Like Walker?
JD: Who?
NATHAN JACKSON
Me: Boxers or briefs, Mr. Jackson?
Nathan: Boxers. It's a medically-known fact that they're the best kind of underwear if you want to father children someday.
Me: So you would like to have children?
Nathan: ::smiles:: Of course.
Me: What is your favorite color?
Nathan: Red, because it signifies life. At least to me.
Me: If you could live anywhere else, where would that be?
Nathan: I don't want to leave Four Corners. I feel pretty settled right here.
EZRA STANDISH
Me: I am dying to know this, Mr. Standish. Do you wear boxers or briefs?
Ezra: In my profession, the most widely accepted form of undergarments is silk boxers.
Me: Ooh! Could I take a look?
Ezra: ::slapping my hands away:: Maybe later.
Me: ::snapping my fingers:: Darn! What is your favorite color?
Ezra: Purple. The color of wealth. And no, you may not see if my undergarments are purple.
Me: Party pooper. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Ezra: Somewhere where I could set up a municipality that would be a gambling emporium. I would name the town something opulent, like...Las Vegas.
Me: You're going to develop Las Vegas?
Ezra: Yes. Is there a problem with that?
Me: Oh, no. I'm just...amazed, that's all.
So there they are, uncut and uncensored. Maybe someday MAG Network will decide to air the questions and answers that aren't fit for national TV! Anyway, thank you all for being such loyal viewers.
Signing off once again,
Rebecca
Raving Reporter Eztraordinaire
