After months of being turned down by Chris Larabee for a group interview, you can imagine my surprise when I received a telegram from the private, black-clad leader of the Magnificent Seven, telling me to meet the seven men at Purgatory.
Purgatory! Of all the places to have an interview...
Rather than complain, I mounted up and rushed to the capital of barbaric badmen and vicious villains. After finding myself in the middle of a gunfight and other unmentionable disasters, I finally made my way into the cantina, and there they were. I hadn't seen them for months, but they still took my breath away. They haven't changed a bit, ladies.
As I made my way across the room, Buck Wilmington noticed me first. He grinned with that trademark, heart-melting smile and soon all the men were smiling at me. Well, all but Chris. He looked like he wanted to be somewhere else. He never did like me much. I ask too many questions, I guess. JD Dunne and Josiah Sanchez moved their chairs to give me some room, and I sat down.
After this message, "Magnificent Seven Dateline" will return with the Magnificent Seven. We'll find out what they've up to since we last saw them, and if they plan on returning to us. Please stay tuned.
Have you ever wondered why CBS has an "evil eye" for their logo? Well, now you can find out by reading the new bestseller, "Why CBS is Stupid and Other Network Faux Pas." Available at your local bookstore.
Me: Welcome back. Here I sit with the Magnificent Seven. How are you boys?
Nathan: Fine.
Josiah: We're all hangin' in there.
Me: So, why Purgatory? Why not Four Corners?
Buck: We're chasin' a bandit and we think he might come down here. So if we leave suddenly, it's 'cause he's here.
Me: Oh, good! I thought Mr. Larabee told me to come to Purgatory in the hopes that I wouldn't come.
Chris: <chuckles knowingly>
Me: <frown at Chris' reaction, then shake my head and smile> So, what have ya'll been up to in the past year? Last we heard, you saved Mrs. Travis from attempted assassination.
Buck: Same ol' stuff.
Me: Could you be more specific, please?
Ezra: Personally, I acquired a building outside of Four Corners in a poker game. I intended to make it a drinking and gambling establishment, but my plans were foiled.
Me: How so?
Vin: He left us when he started his saloon.
Me: Left the Seven?
Buck: We were the Magnificent Six for a while there.
Ezra: I assured them, my absence would be temporary. I merely wanted to remain on the grounds during my institution's preliminary "Grand Opening."
Chris: The "Grand Opening" lasted for two months.
Me: You're kidding!
Ezra: Unfortunately, a band of miscreants came through and pillaged my saloon. They remained for a fortnight and held a couple of my female patrons hostage. Knowing I could not subdue them myself, I returned to Four Corners and enlisted the assistance of my comrades.
Me: I assume you got the bad guys.
JD: Of course!
Me: And your saloon, Mr. Standish?
Ezra: I...decided to sell it. The responsibilities were too great and I found it required more work than I cared to engage in.
Me: Out of curiosity, what was the name of the saloon?
Ezra: The Golden Lady.
Me: <nod> What about the rest of you? Mr. Dunne?
JD: Huh? Oh, well, I haven't done anything really.
Me: How are you and Casey?
JD: <blushing> Fine.
Me: No wedding yet?
JD: Wedding?! No.
Me: Mr. Wilmington, what have you been up to?
Josiah: You even have to ask him?
Buck: Oh, that's not fair, Josiah. <turns to me with a grin> Same stuff I've been up to all my life, darlin'.
Me: <blush at the memory of the Intimate Interview with him. My, but that was "intimate!" Clear my throat> You were engaged last we saw. What became of that?
Buck: Well, her life was on the road. I wasn't ready to leave, so...we parted ways.
Me: So you're still a bachelor?
Buck: Yep!
Chris: Just the way he likes it.
Me: Do you keep in contact with Louisa?
Buck: Uh...no. Last I heard she was travelin' to Silver Creek. Since then, we haven't communicated.
Me: I'm sorry to hear that.
Buck: It's all right, darlin'. I'll survive.
Me: <smiling> I'll bet you will. Mr. Jackson, how about you?
Nathan: Well, I'm still healin' folks. That's about all.
Me: Any news about Rain?
Nathan: She's fine. Her people found her a husband, as you know, but she never married him.
Me: Aw, that's sweet. Mr. Sanchez? How's the church coming along?
Josiah: I finished work on the church a few months ago.
Me: That's great! Are you holding masses now?
Josiah: I would...if I had a congregation.
Me: You mean no one's coming to your church?
Josiah: Nope.
Buck: Oh, we all go to the church every once in a while for advice.
Me: So what have you been doing since the completion of the church?
Josiah: Dispensing advice, administering justice...
JD: And hauling rocks!
Me: You're hauling rocks again?
Josiah: Yep.
Me: Okay. Mr. Larabee?
Chris: <annoyed> What?
Me: What have you been doing?
Chris: What do you think?
Me: Umm....protecting the town?
Chris: Bingo.
Me: Well, have you looked for or found Ella Gaines?
Chris: <an icy glare comes over his face> I've looked, but I haven't found her. But I will.
Me: <shudder> I don't doubt it.
Chris: She can run, but she can't hide.
Me: Mr. Tanner, tell me what's been happening in your life.
Vin: Uh...nothing.
Me: Oh, come on. Something must have happened in the last year.
Ezra: <laughs> Come, Mr. Tanner. Do not withhold information from the lovely young lady.
Me: <blushing and giggling>
Vin: Nah, it ain't news.
Me: Everything is news, Mr. Tanner.
Vin: I don't know...
Buck: Go on and tell her, Vin.
Vin: <shakes his head>
Me: Pretty please? With a cherry on top? Tell me.
Vin: Oh, all right. I...got a dog.
Me: That's it?
Buck: That ain't it. Tell her about the bear, Vin.
Ezra: <laughs again>
Vin: Well, I did get a dog.
Me: What's his name?
Vin: <hesitates> Bison.
Me: Aw, that's cute. Now what's this with a bear?
Vin: Uh...well, it's not really a good story...
Ezra: Oh...I believe it is. It is an amusing narrative, Miss Rebecca.
Vin: <glares at Ezra>
Me: Mr. Tanner, tell me.
Vin: <hesitantly> Okay. I was out doin' some scoutin' and I heard somethin' rustlin' behind me. I turned around and there was a bear. It weren't too big, but it let out a growl like to turn my blood cold.
Me: What did you do?
Vin: I ran like hell is what I did. Ran all the way back to town with that bear on my heels.
<The other men begin laughing loudly>
Vin: Weren't that funny.
Buck: You shoulda seen Vin runnin' down the street, that bear rumblin' along behind him. Funniest sight I ever seen. <laughs again>
Me: <giggle> How'd you get rid of the bear?
Vin: Climbed up a ladder on to the roof of the church. The bear eventually left.
JD: <laughs> Yeah, only after we fired a couple shots to scare it off.
Vin: <looking offended> I still don't think it was that funny.
Buck: It was like Vin had himself an adamant girlfriend.
<The men laugh again>
Me: <laugh quietly> Well, that must have been...<snort>...frightening.
Vin: <takes a shot of whiskey>
Me: Well, that's quite interesting. Any other amusing stories to tell?
Buck: Casey did push JD in the water trough a few weeks ago.
JD: Buck!
Me: She did? Why?
JD: <glares at Buck> Just 'cause I was lookin' away from her...
Buck: And at a pretty little wildflower who'd just stepped off the stage. <chuckles>
JD: <sighs in frustration>
Me: It seems to me that you're still the fun-lovin guy we all grew to love, Mr. Wilmington.
Buck: Oh, I'm a fun guy. <winks at me>
Me: Yes, well...Whatever happened to the money you all found in Lucius Stutz's room? The $10,000?
Chris: We put it in the bank. It'll be used in an emergency. For the good of the town and not any one individual.
Ezra: <shakes his head sorrowfully and downs a shot of whiskey>
Me: By the way, how's your sister, Mr. Sanchez?
Josiah: <glares at me>
Me: <nervously> Umm...you don't have to answer that.
Josiah: Good. 'Cause I wasn't going to.
Me: So other than Mr. Standish, has anyone else left town?
Vin: Nope.
JD: Not yet.
Me: So I assume though you are no longer being broadcast to our homes...
JD: What does "broadcast" mean?
Buck: It's one a' them futuristic words, JD.
JD: Oh.
Me: ...you are still being paid by Judge Travis to protect the town?
Chris: Yep.
Me: That's wonderful. Have you gotten a pay raise?
Ezra: <laughs sarcastically>
Me: I'll take that as a no. Here's a question for all of you. I have this professor...oh, I'm in college, by the way...
Josiah: <smiles> Good for you.
Me: Thank you. Anyway, this professor, he really doesn't like me. He bases my grades solely on his personal feelings for me and not on my academic abilities.
Buck: Bastard.
Me: Exactly. So what is your advice on what I should do? Mr. Larabee, let's start with you and work around the table.
Chris: Shoot him.
Me: Uh-huh. That does sound intriguing. Keep in mind, however, that if I attempt to murder him, that won't help my grade at all.
Chris: Well, it's what I would do.
Buck: I'm sure you could charm him to give you better grades.
Me: <snort> Not only is that against school policy, it's against my principles. Mr. Standish?
Ezra: Perhaps if you could obtain access to his funds, you could blackmail him to raise your grade.
Me: And just how would I do that?
Ezra: The bookworm con is always reliable.
Me: I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that one. Mr. Dunne?
JD: Ummm....beg for extra credit.
Me: <nodding> That would work.
Nathan: Try to discuss the whole situation with your professor and see if you could convince him to put his personal feelings aside. If that doesn't work, take it to his boss.
Me: Wow. You always have the best answers, Mr. Jackson!
Nathan: Thank you.
Vin: Hell, I don't know. Tell him you'll tell his wife you saw him with another woman.
Me: But I didn't.
Vin: <smiles> Exactly.
Josiah: "An eye for an eye..." He gives you a bad grade, you give him a bad evaluation and then he'll be fired.
Me: Thank you all. You have given me unique insights on what to do in such a situation. I want to thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules to answer my questions.
Vin: That's it?
Me: Yes. I don't want to take too much of your time...
Chris: <sighs thankfully>
Me: ...but I do have one last question for you before I go.
Nathan: We'll be happy to answer it.
Me: Good. Do you have any plans in the works to return to the women and viewers who love you so true?
<The men exchange glances>
Me: Gentlemen?
Chris: Maybe.
Vin: We can't let it out just yet.
Ezra: But be rest assured, Miss Rebecca, when we reach a definitive plan, you will be the first to hear of it. We consider you to be the primary liaison to our fans.
Me: <blushing> I'm so honored to hear that.
JD: Fellas, I don't think that answered her question. She asked if we had any plans, not what they were. Can't we answer that?
<The others look at JD dubiously>
Me: Actually, Mr. Dunne is correct.
JD: <nods in triumph> Ha!
Chris: I don't know...
Buck: I think we can answer that. <winks at me again>
Josiah: All right, but if you tell anyone else, we'll have to come after you.
Me: <gulp> My lips are sealed.
Buck: Now that is a shame. <wink, wink>
<Man, he never gives up!!>
Chris: All right. We're plannin' something to come back, but that's all we'll say.
Me: That's all I wanna hear.
Vin: Ya know, if you want me to, I can read the notes you've been taking. I can read now, you know.
Me: That's wonderful, Mr. Tanner! But I don't need you to read to me this time.
Vin: Damn!
Me: Well, thank you again, gentlemen. I appreciate this very much, as I'm sure your fans do as well.
Buck: There's that bandit!
Chris: Damn, when did he sneak in here?
Vin: Don't rightly know, but it looks like he's leavin' again.
Chris: Oh no, he isn't. Come on, boys.
<The men all stand up>
JD: We gotta go, Miss Rebecca. See ya around.
Me: See ya.
Wow! They haven't changed a bit! I hope you enjoyed this episode of "Magnificent Seven Dateline." Next time I will have none other than Ella Gaines on the program, and we'll find out just how deep her obsession runs. Until then, I'm your host, Rebecca. Good night!
Rebecca
Roving, Raving Reporter Eztraordinaire
Liaison Between the Magnificent Seven and their Fans (I like the sound of that!)
