Good evening, and thank you for tuning in. Tonight, we will uncover Vin Tanner's secrets and find out what he really wants in a woman (and it ain't C-Harlot!). Come along as I, Rebecca the Roving Reporter, and my sidekick, Kevira the Krazy, discuss the intricacies of life with that sexy tracker.
Kev and I were out roaming the frontier, searching for Vin. He's a hard person to find, you know. Kev was about to go crazy if she didn't see him soon, but unexpectedly he appeared in the distance. He was stepping out of the stream, his bare chest glistening with water. I looked to see Kev was no longer beside me, but near Vin, adding to the moisture on his body with her drool. Boy, that girl can move fast!
When I reached Vin, Kev was running her hand over Vin's chest, explaining that she was a Kiowa Medicine Woman and could heal him of all his pain with her hand. I decided this would be a good time to begin the interview, considering Kev isn't even a Kiowa.
Me: Good afternoon, Mr. Tanner. I'm Rebecca, and I...
Vin: I heard about you. You're that reporter girl.
Me: I see my fame precedes me. Could I ask you a few questions today? None too personal?
Vin: I guess.
Me: Good. To begin...um...Kev...Kev, could you leave the man alone for a minute? I want to ask an important question here!
Kev: ::pouting:: All right.
Me: Okay. Mr. Tanner, we know a little about your mother. Tell us about your father.
Vin: Thought you said you wouldn't ask any personal questions.
Me: No, I said I wouldn't ask any two personal questions. I may ask one or three. (All right, I know I said too before, but he doesn't know that!)
Kev: God, Vin, you should go without a shirt more often.
Me: Kev, stop it! And clean that drool off your chin, it's very unbecoming. Vin, your father?
Vin: I didn't know my father. He left my mother right after I was born.
Kev: Oh Vin, let me comfort you!
Me: How old are you, Mr. Tanner?
Vin: The Comanches don't believe in age, only experience.
Me: Okay, so how much experience do you have?
Kev: THUD!
Me: Not that kind of experience, Kev!
Vin: More than I'd like.
Me: Could you read us a passage from this book that I brought along?
Vin: ::tears well up in his eyes::
Kev: Don't hurt him like that! You're cruel, Rebecca, just cruel.
Me: What kind of woman attracts you, Mr. Tanner?
Vin: ::blushes slightly:: I don't know. A woman who's strong and knows what she wants...
Kev: I know what I want and that's you, honey!
Vin: ...and who isn't obsessed with Brazil.
Kev: I hate Brazil.
Me: One more question for today, Mr. Tanner. What do you plan on doing to come back to the women and Vixens who love you so true?
Vin: Chris informed me that I shouldn't tell anyone.
Me: Are you going to attack all the CBS executives in the world?
Vin: No. It's a secret that we're going to invade the set of "Kids Say the Darndest Things" and drown the entire studio in Jell-O pudding.
Me: Wait. Now you just told me the secret.
Vin: You're dreamin', miss.
Me: No, you just told me what you're going to do.
Vin: ::reaches for his mare's leg:: I never told you anything.
Me: What were we talking about again?
Thank you for staying tuned to this edition of "Magnificent Seven Dateline." We'll be back to delve into the mind of Buck Wilmington. Good night, folks.
Rebecca
Roving Reporter Eztraordinaire
