ATF Universe
Chris Larabee had been accused of having ice water in his veins on more than one occasion during his life. This was the first time where he thought it might actually be true. He lay on the couch in the den, staring up at the ceiling, wondering how long it would take for Rory to come looking for him. Chris figured fifteen minutes or less. He wasn't a vain man, but he didn't believe in false modesty, either. He knew Rory wanted him.This won't make you feel any better, Larabee. Ain't like it will change anything. He knew that. Knew the cold, hard knot of rage in his gut wouldn't go away any time soon. He didn't care. Vin may have started this, but Chris would finish it.
He never had taken the easy road to anywhere. Running off to join the Navy instead of going to college like his old man had wanted. Eloping with Sarah, rather than having the church wedding everyone expected. And now, Vin.
He tried to summon up a spark of yesterday's anger or hurt. But there was nothing except that cold hard knot that lay there in his belly like some silent, deadly disease. But then, that sort of response was hardwired into him. Automatic shutdown. Sensory overload. Warning. We will restart the system with essential life support functions only. Beep. Beep. He would have felt sorry for himself - sorry for all of them - if he could have felt anything at all.
He turned his head at the sound of footsteps. Rory stood in the doorway, hesitating.
"You done thinking about it?" Chris asked softly. If circumstances had been different he might have appreciated the picture of masculine beauty Rory made. But he wanted Rory for reasons that had nothing at all to do with beauty.
"Hard not to." Rory smiled sheepishly and again Chris felt a vague sense of - something. Just like earlier near the corral. But it flickered in and out of existence so quickly that it might as well have never been.
"You plan on standing there just looking til Vin comes back?"
"Oh God." Rory groaned and took a deep breath. "Could you please not mention that name again? If I'm going to sleep with my ex lover's current lover, I at least want to be able to forget that's what I'm doing while I'm doing it."
"Fine by me. Like I said earlier, this is you and I." Chris wondered if this was how actors felt. You said your lines, but you didn't mean them. Didn't feel them.
"This isn't... I mean you and Vin..." Rory took a step forward. "You guys are still going to be ok after this, aren't you? I mean I don't want to get in the way of a good thing." Rory licked his lips nervously and stared down at Chris.
"I thought we weren't going to mention that name again." Chris said, his green eyes looking coolly up at the younger man.
Rory shrugged. "Yeah, well. Forget I said that. At least until you answer the question."
"We'll be as ok as we ever were, I promise." Chris replied. It was true enough. Just not in the way Rory thought.
"Ok then." Rory dropped to his knees beside Chris and tangled one hand in the short blond hair.
No. Not ok. Just... necessary. Chris wondered in a distant fashion if Vin had run his hands along Rory's ribcage in the same way he was now doing. If he'd thought Rory's lips tasted like a day at the beach. Not that it mattered. Nothing did.
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"Hey Ror', pick up the phone."
"Hello, Vin."
"Feel like takin' in a movie tonight? Chris ain't feelin' too good, so he had to cancel on the whole dinner and a movie thing."
"I'm not feeling so hot either, Tanner. Think I'll just stay at home."
"Damn, Ror'. Those are words I never thought I'd hear ya say in a month of Sundays. You the same fella I remember that was out dancin' when he had a fever of 104 degrees just a few months ago?"
"That was six months ago, Tanner. Things change."
"Yeah. I reckon that's true enough. Hell, just look at me. All settled down with one guy and likin' it that way."
"I know."
"Well, feel better, Ror'. I'll see ya later."
"Yeah."
Rory Selkirk hung up the phone and stood there staring at it for several moments. Then with a muffled curse, he stalked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator. Walking back into the living room, he sank down into the nearest chair and rested the ice cold bottle against his forehead.
"Shit. Shit. Shit. How the fuck did you get yourself into this. Selkirk? Things change. Understatement of the year." Rory glanced at the fish in their tank, swimming happily around in their little watery world, as if they might have the answer. They didn't of course. He wasn't even sure they knew he was alive, except at feeding time.
Things had changed alright. Rory was now playing the whole monogamy game, just like Vin. And just like Vin, the guy to bring him to heel had been one Chris Larabee. Only trouble was, Rory and Vin were both playing this same game at the same time, with the same man. And he may have been head over heels, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that Chris would ever kick Vin to the curb for him. But a guy could dream. Except, he really didn't want that to happen. Hell, he'd been half in love with Vin until just a few months ago. And Tanner was still as hot looking as ever. Vin was his friend, he wanted all of them to be happy. Just like the fucking Brady Bunch. One big, happy family. Yeah right. The one time Rory had mentioned the word "menage" as a solution to the situation, there had been something about the look in Chris's green eyes that had stopped him cold. So back to square one. Lying, cheating and sneaking around. All in a day's work for a bastard like him.
Rory sighed and glanced at his watch. He was meeting Chris at the ranch in a little over an hour. He still had a few minutes to sit here and brood. He twisted the cap off the bottle he held and took a long drink. Maybe he should try staying permanently liquored up. That way he wouldn't feel so goddamned guilty every time he saw Vin and he wouldn't break be breaking his own goddamned heart over Chris Larabee, either. He'd be out there having fun, dammit.
Except fun didn't enter into it. Need, maybe. Want, definitely. The times with Chris were hot, sweaty, erotic encounters that left him gasping and hurting and cursing himself and Chris and thinking maybe he should just put an end to things. But he couldn't. Didn't. Shit. He wondered occasionally if it was like that between Chris and Vin. He and Vin had always been very alike, especially when it came to men. But maybe Chris and Vin had a relationship that was warm and cuddly and didn't turn them inside out and upside down. Sometimes literally. No, Tanner wasn't in it for the warm fuzzies. Chris Larabee was many things, but never safe, and never easy. Had he already said how fucked up this whole situation was? Shit.
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"Ez? I can hear you tryin' not to breathe. I know you're in there. Open the door."
The door opened and a disgruntled Ezra Standish stood there glaring at him. "Mr. Tanner, it is Friday evening. Why aren't you out inflicting your company upon Mr. Larabee or one of your miscreant friends?"
"But Ez, you are one of my miscreant friends." Vin grinned and glanced pointedly at the bathrobe the southern agent had on over his pajamas. "And you're the only one that was home on a Friday night."
Ezra sighed and swung the door open a fraction of an inch more in invitation. He knew when to hold 'em and he knew when to fold 'em. And just think, he could have remained blissfully unaware of that song if it had not been for Mr. Wilmington or Vin. Or maybe it had been Josiah. No matter. They were all the same. Rough, uncouth, barbaric. His friends. God help him.
"So what brings you to my doorstep?" Ezra asked as he and Vin seated themselves in his living room - that still hadn't recovered from Buck and JD's last visit. (Ezra had been forced to add chocolate ice cream to the list of forbidden comestibles.) He wasn't certain he wanted to know the answer to his question, but since he did not see any sign of blood, tears or other misadventure, he supposed it should be safe enough.
"Chris said he ain't feelin' too good." Vin shrugged and smiled a bit sheepishly.
"And you find that you are at loose ends without his company?" Ezra inquired delicately. He had his suspicions about the relationship between the two men, but far be it from him to be the one to say anything. At least, not about those two.
"Somethin' like that, I guess." Vin knew Ezra knew about him and Chris, but he wasn't sure he wanted all that knowing to be offical. And Chris had never said one way or the other. Vin frowned suddenly. Chris hadn't said much of anything this past month or two. Seemed like he'd been the one doin' all the talkin'. And all the smilin' too, come to think of it. Was there something wrong with Chris that he wasn't tellin' Vin? Oh God. He wasn't really sick, was he? Like maybe hospital type sick? Shit. He had to talk to Chris.
"Is something wrong or are you scowling like that because you don't care for the color of my robe?" Ezra drawled, noting Vin's sudden silence.
"Huh? Naw. Purple is definitely your color, Ez. I just remembered somethin' that needs doin'." Vin got hastily to his feet and waved a quick goodbye to the bemused southern agent.
"If this sudden business has anything to do with Mr. Larabee, then I wish you all the luck in the world my friend. You're going to need it." Ezra murmured as the door closed behind the sharpshooter. He put his feet up on the coffee table, a bad habit he'd acquired, without noticing, courtesy of the Misters Dunne and Wilmington. Then flipping the TV on, he went back to watching The Sting - his favorite movie of all time.
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Chris stared at the clock. Rory would be here in eleven minutes. One way the Army had of leaving its mark on you. You were always right on fucking time. Pretty damn literally in Rory's case, too. Chris had fucked the other man in ways he hadn't even known were possible. Ways that he hadn't fucked Vin. Ways he never would fuck Vin. Because this was all going to come to an end. Everything. And then they'd all be too busy picking up the pieces to do any fucking of any kind.
He wondered sometimes exactly who it was that he was punishing with this act. Vin and Rory? Himself? All of them? Why couldn't he just let it go? Lots of people cheated. Hell, he was one of them now. But that was the plan, wasn't it? Make Vin suffer the way Chris had suffered? Let him feel the sting of betrayal?
Chris wasn't sure he could stop now even if he'd wanted to. His revenge seemed to have taken on a life of its own. It would go on with or without him. So he continued to kiss Rory and caress him and then he put those same hands and mouth on Vin and kissed and caressed him. And all the while, he lived with the bitter knowledge that he was destroying everything that made his life worth living. And this time, unlike Sarah and Adam, it really would be his fault.
Seven minutes. Shit. Chris rubbed his stomach, grimacing. It hurt. Probably that cold hard lump that was still in there, dammit. The lump that grew bigger and colder each time Vin told him he loved him. Each time Rory looked at him with warm brown eyes and smiled.
The funny thing was, no one else seemed to be aware of it. Sometimes that damn lump felt so big and so cold that Chris was sure everyone ought to be able to see it. But Vin continued to laugh and smile and pretend he loved him and Rory continued to writhe beneath him, brown eyes hiding nothing. And Buck and JD and Ezra and Nathan and Josiah were all the same. Only he was different.
Maybe I should've taken up acting. I seem to be awfully damn good at it. It's what he felt like. An actor playing a role. The real Chris Larabee was off somewhere else, doing God only knew what. And he might never come back. Why should he? What the hell did he have to come back to? A lover who didn't love him. A bunch of friends who wouldn't notice a fucking bomb going off in their midst unless it blew one of them to bits. Another lover who wanted God only knew what from him. And a fucking stomach that felt like it was in the final stages of hypothermia.
The sound of the doorbell snapped him out of his reverie. Showtime. Scene 3 Take 101.
Chris got to his feet and opened the door. Rory stood there, looking far too good. He deserved someone who would appreciate him. That same flicker like before came to life in Chris and he extinguished it without even being consciously aware of it. Feelings couldn't be allowed to interfere. Wrapping one arm around the younger man, Chris growled wordlessly and pulled him across the doorstep and into his embrace. Tightening his arms around the other man, Chris backed down the hall til they reached the bedroom. He stopped just inside the doorway of it and placed his lips against those of the younger man. Rory tasted sweet - like citrus. His skin was hot to the touch and his breath was coming in small, sharp gasps as Chris kissed him hard, running his palm across the nipples covered only by a thin t-shirt.
"You sure know how to greet a guy." Rory tore his mouth away from Chris's long enough to say.
Chris wrapped one hand in Rory's shoulder length hair and pulled his head back to nibble the tender flesh of his neck. He knew Rory's body almost as well as he did Vin's. He knew what Rory liked. The same things Vin liked. The thought made Chris tighten his grip until Rory arched back in surrender.
"Please, Chris." Rory panted, running his hands urgently along Chris's back.
Chris didn't respond. The scent and feel of Rory was making him lose all sense of reality. It always did. Sometimes he wondered if these encounters were nothing more than a product of his imagination. Some fevered revenge dream he was having while the sharpshooter lay sleeping beside him. Chris Larabee didn't know what he thought, anymore. Didn't know who he was. Or what he was doing.
"Chris!" Rory moaned.
"Chris?" The echo of a different voice caused both men to look towards the sound. Vin stood in the hallway before them, his face bewildered - horrified. Rory's expression echoed his. But Chris wore a look of grim satisfaction as his gaze took in the sharpshooter.
"So tell me, Vin? How does it feel?"
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