ATF Universe
Continues from Philosophy for Life but since I still can't think how to get Angelo to meet up with Vin in the present day, think of this as an interlude.....
"Hey, Vin," Chris called from the kitchen. "You are in for a treat tonight. One of my all-time favorite movies is on AMC. You a Cagney fan? 'White Heat' is on at 8, the ultimate gangster film."Vin froze at the mention of Cagney and the movie. He put down the forkful of mashed potatoes that had been half way to his mouth and pushed the plate away, leaving half his dinner untouched. His face was white and his stomach was churning. Knowing Chris was expecting an answer to his question, he called out in what he hoped was a natural-sounding voice, "yeah, great." But it was anything but great. It was now an evening from hell.
Chris came back to the dining room table with a tray loaded with a variety of junk food. "To add to your viewing pleasure, all your favorites, Vin. Just wait until after dinner, though, okay? You through already? Doesn't look like you've eaten much," Chris said noticing the unusual amount of food leftover on Vin's plate. "Not hungry? Wait a minute, I've never asked you that before. A first. Two words I thought I would never hear myself say to you, Vin, I gotta tell you," Chris grinned. Chris was in such a good mood. The movie he had looked forward to seeing all week was about to begin and he was going to watch it with his best friend and lover. Life was good.
Vin couldn't stand the thought of disappointing Chris even in a matter as small as what movie to watch or not so he forced a smile, lied and told Chris he had a big lunch at the office and spoiled his appetite for dinner by eating a bag of chocolate chip cookies on his drive up to the ranch. What were a few white lies if Chris was happy, Vin thought.
They cleared the table, refrigerated the leftovers, did the dishes, then settled down on the long black leather couch in front of the tv.
Vin was laying on his side on the couch, his boots kicked off, his head resting on a pillow on Chris's lap. "So, Vin, you ever see 'White Heat?' You are a Cagney fan, right?" Chris asked.
"Yeah and yeah," Vin said, not anxious to continue the conversation. "Shh, movie's starting." He hoped that would put an end to any discussion Chris had in mind.
"Okay, cowboy, just don't make yourself sick eating all this stuff," Chris said, referring to the boxes and bags of Vin's favorite junk food on the coffee table near the couch. Food was the furthest thing from Vin's mind. Truth be told the younger man felt like throwing up what little food he had in his stomach.
"'kay," he said as he glanced up and caught Chris's smiling eyes. Vin hadn't seen Chris this content in weeks. He sighed and turned back to see the credits appear on the screen. This was going to be a very long night for Vin Tanner.
The movie began and Vin was no longer in Chris Larabee's living room. Images from eleven years ago surfaced and swallowed him whole. He was a hurting, skinny, long-haired 15-year-old kid sitting on a cold linoleum floor getting the word on surviving in the Denver juvenile detention center from a young man not much older than himself. Wallace was the kid's name. Vin never knew if it was his first or last name. Wallace helped Vin get through the joint. A loner with a disfiguring birthmark on his face who walked with a limp, Wallace nonetheless was a commanding presence in juvie and none of the inmates messed with him. They had messed with Vin. On his third day in juvie Vin was beaten up and raped in the showers. One minute he was showering with a group of boys, the next minute he was alone. By an unspoken agreement all the boys had sauntered out of the shower knowing what was in store for the "chicken," the new kid. Vin, at the far end of the showers, his back to the rest of the room, realized too late the vulnerable position he was in and the horror he faced.
There were three of them, two held him while the biggest of the three, Angelo Niccoletti, beat the crap out of him. Then when Vin was reeling from the beating, barely able to stand, he was pushed to the floor and one of the boys pinned his arms down and the other grabbed his ankles and yanked his legs apart while Angelo took him. They left him on the floor of the shower, turned the water back on, the blood and cum washing down the drain.
Vin didn't remember how long he lay curled up on the cold, wet tile floor. A guard finally came by, got him dressed and to the infirmary.
After he was released from the clinic he sought out Wallace. Vin noticed the wake left in Wallace's path wherever he went. The other boy steered clear of Wallace and Vin needed to know how he got that respect. If Vin was to survive juvie he needed what Wallace had. Wallace lectured Vin on the getting of "the look," the 'I-don't-give-a-fuck' hollow-eyed look that Wallace had perfected. He made Vin watch the actor James Cagney as Cody Jarret in the 1949 film 'White Heat," convinced as he was that Cagney had 'the look.' And Vin had done just that. He sat in rec room every chance he got and watched 'White Heat' and Cagney's eyes, his moves, his whole "I don't give a damn" attitude. And Vin got the look, he made it through his short stay at the detention center without becoming a victim again. But not without a price.
"Top of the world, Ma!" Cody Jarret screamed and the oil refinery he was standing atop blew up in a conflagration exploding across the screen. The movie ended and Chris breathed a satisfied sigh. "They don't make them like that anymore, huh, pard?" Chris had been absentmindedly running his fingers through Vin's hair, toying with his silky curls throughout the movie. He looked down at Vin but couldn't read his expression. Vin hadn't said a word during the entire movie. Every once in a while Chris thought he heard Vin catch his breath and twice he could have sworn Vin was wiping away tears with the back of his hand. 'Was Vin that big a fan of the old film, or am I missing something here,?' Chris suddenly wondered. He tried again. "Vin, you okay? Even for you this is quiet. Not one peep out of you the entire movie and you didn't touch the goodies and I'm not just talking about the food. Now I know something's wrong," Chris said half smiling, giving Vin's shoulder a squeeze.
Vin sat up. He was back in the present. He heard the concern in Chris's voice and was touched by it. "Just a headache. Chris, I'm gonna turn in now. Sleepin' in the guestroom tonight if that's okay with you. Might be tossin' and turnin' and no sense both of us not getting any sleep."
Vin's soft voice sounded so forlorn Chris felt a twinge in his heart. "Vin, I'm here if you need to talk about something, anything."
"Nah, it's nothin', Chris. Like I said, headache. Get 'em bad sometimes. I'll be fine come mornin'."
In the six months they had been living together at Chris's ranch the two men had not slept apart, until tonight.
"Hey cowboy, kiss goodnight?" Chris stood, pulling Vin up with him.
Vin kissed his lover chastely, almost shyly, then hugged him, sighing deeply as he wrapped his arms tightly around Chris's hard frame.
"Vin, what's wrong? Please let me in, pard," Chris whispered in his ear.
Vin pulled away, shaking his head, "nothin' to tell, Chris. See you in the mornin'."
Chris looked longingly at Vin's retreating form. "Sleep tight," he said softly.
Chris got himself a cup of coffee, his reading glasses and the book he had started the night before and stretched out on the couch propping his head up on the pillow Vin had been using earlier. He breathed in Vin's scent. Chris felt a quickening in his groin. 'Damn!' Chris had been looking forward to being with his handsome young lover tonight, the end to a perfect evening. Something was eating at Vin. Chris replayed the course of the night to see when it was that Vin's behavior changed. Vin stopped eating right after Cagney and 'White Heat' was brought up. He hardly said a word since then. He didn't touch the junk food. Very un-Vin-like. 'What was it about that movie,' Chris wondered. 'More to the point, what did Vin associate with that movie?' Chris frowned. He didn't like puzzles or secrets or half-truths. He couldn't make Vin tell him about his past demons if that's what was bothering the younger man. Hell, Chris knew he himself was just as close-lipped about the past and was a walking poster boy for the strong, silent type. He would just have to wait for Vin to open up when Vin felt ready. Then again maybe it was just a plain old headache, like Vin said. 'When was it exactly that I started sounding like a woman's magazine article on relationships,' Chris wondered to himself, have amused, half disgusted. He opened his novel and tried to lose himself in the story.
Nearly two hours later Chris jumped at the hoarse and jagged cries coming from the guest room. "No, no-- stop it, please." Vin's anguished cries turned Chris's blood cold and he raced into the small bedroom. Vin was in the throws of a nightmare, writhing on the bed, tangled in the sheets. Sweat glistened on his face and chest. Chris sat on the edge of the bed and put his hands firmly on Vin's bare shoulders settling him into the mattress.
"Vin, wake up," Chris said gently. "You're dreaming."
Vin jerked awake. His blue eyes flew open and took in Chris leaning over him, intently searching his face. Chris took his hands away and Vin sat up, the moonlight casting his face in shadows. He swiped his hand over his sweat and tear-stained face. His breathing was still ragged.
"Aw, shit, Chris," Vin said hollow-voiced.
"Vin, come on. What is it? And don't tell me nothing or just a headache. What's eating at you, pard. You can tell me anything, you know that."
Vin brought his knees up and rested his forearms on them. He leaned his head down on his crossed arms. He was having trouble catching his breath.
"Chris, it still hurts after all these years. I never thought—I mean—it still— make it go away," he groaned.
"Vin," Chris said a little sharply. "What? Please."
Vin lifted his head and his deep blue, pain-filled eyes met Chris's.
"Back when I was in juvie. I know you know I was in there. It's in my records, the background check. The court records are sealed but the fact I was in there ain't a secret. You never once brought it up, Chris. Hell, I ain't never talked it about it to this day. Back when I was in there, in that place, I, they....," Vin's voice broke.
"Vin," Chris began softly, "did one of the guys in there rape you?" Chris prayed it was only one. He held his breath while Vin nodded, tears spilling down his cheeks.
"Yeah," he whispered, "a big kid, couple years older than me. Ran his own gang in there. Him and two others…" Chris winced at that. "No, only Angelo, that was the motherfucker who did me. The other two held me while Angelo beat the crap outta me and then they forced me down while Angelo, while he, he fucked....," Vin stopped to catch his breath.
"Shush now, Vin, no more. I get the picture, pard. It's okay now. Shit, you poor kid," Chris murmered.
"No, you don't get the picture Chris." Vin's eyes flashed with anger. "And no way is it okay," Vin continued, his voice rough with emotion. "You said I could tell you anything. That you're here for me. Well, you asked for it, pard," Vin said harshly. Eleven years of pent-up anger, frustration and fear poured out of the young man. Chris braced himself for what was to come and prayed he could say the right thing when Vin was finished. He'd be there to pick up the pieces.
"He didn't just fuck me once and walk away. No, Chris, there's more to it than that. He tore me up inside. He kept at me over and over. I thought I was being ripped apart. I was all beat up, too, my eye swollen, blood drippin' from my mouth. It hurt to breathe. I just wanted to keep my eyes closed, to shut him out, but he reached down and slapped my face hard—"when you get fucked by Angelo, baby bitch, you keep your eyes open," he yelled. He came all over my back and then he licked it off me. 'I like the way I taste,' he said. I was alone in the showers. The other guys left me. They knew what was gonna happen and they let it. I was just a kid, Chris, and they let this happen. He wasn't finished with me. He wrote on my ass with a black marker, POA, know what that stood for? 'Property of Angelo.' Said that he was the only one who could fuck me and that I belonged to him. I was his bitch anytime he wanted. Chris, I was so scared, I wanted to die. He marked me as his. Chris, it wouldn't wash off right away. I scrubbed and scrubbed till the skin was bleedin'. But you could still see it, all the guys saw it. They laughed, Chris, they all laughed. They all knew what it meant, what it made me. And what they called me...," Vin couldn't continue, his sobbing wracked his lean frame.
Tears streamed down Chris's face as he reached for Vin, wrapping him in his arms as if his strength alone could protect Vin from his nightmarish past.
They sat that way for a long while until Vin's shoulders stopped shaking from his silent crying. Chris released him and brushed sweat-soaked hair off his lover's forehead. Vin lay back on the bed, breathing deeply and steadily. He stared up at the ceiling, unable to look Chris in the eye.
"Sorry," he said quietly.
"Sorry for what, Vin?" Chris asked gently.
"Yellin' at you like that. Didn't mean to take it out on you. I just..."
"Look at me, Vin. I meant what I said about being here for you, just like I know you're here for me, right?" Chris's sea-green eyes glistened.
Vin nodded. "I never said any of this out loud before. God. I kept it all inside, you know? Doesn't hurt so much now." Vin's smile was faint in the dark room but Chris caught it.
"Yeah, funny thing about sharing pain. It helps. Took me a long time to figure that one out. Vin, why tonight? What made you remember?"
Vin told Chris about Wallace and getting 'the look' and how watching James Cagney in 'White Heat" helped him survive 'the hole.' What he didn't tell Chris was how he took care of Angelo. How he lured him to the deserted showers one afternoon by pretending he wanted Angelo to fuck him again. How when he kissed Angelo he bit his lower lip so hard his teeth almost met through the flesh. Wallace had told Vin he had to bite the lip off and spit it in Angelo's face, to do that would ensure Vin would never be messed with again. But Vin couldn't do it. He stopped just short of actually tearing the lip off the older boy's face, but the damage was done. Vin could still hear Angelo screaming, the cries bouncing off the shower walls, echoing in his mind. Funny thing was it didn't make him feel any better. If anything, he felt worse, ashamed he was forced to act like the animals surrounding him. He couldn't bare to tell Chris what he had done, it was hard enough spilling his guts about the rape. Of course Chris would understand, Vin knew that, but at the same time he realized some secrets were meant to be kept. No matter how much it hurt inside.
"It must have worked 'cause no one bothered me again once I got 'the look.' Guess maybe I looked scary, ya think?" Vin asked.
"Oh yeah, I've seen that look on you once or twice, Vin. You shut down and get a very pronounced "don't fuck with me" glare. Not as intimidating as the one your boss has perfected, mind you, but pretty good for someone your age. With time who knows…," Chris grinned. "I even think twice about dealing with you when you've got 'that look.'
Vin registered surprise at this admission. "Seriously?"
"Yeah, Wallace gave you good advice. But you have friends now; you've got me. You don't have to keep it all bottled up and pretend you don't give a damn, Vin."
"Huh," Vin snorted. "You should talk, Larabee. Take your own advice, why don'tcha," Vin said smiling. He sat up and ran and his fingers through his tousled hair.
"Looks like we're just a couple of dysfunctional, uptight, anal retentive American males. No hope for us."
"Uptight?" Vin said with a shake of his head. "Hell, I like to think of us as stoic. Like Gary Cooper, strong, silent types."
Chris laughed at Vin's choice of words, mirroring his own earlier thoughts. "You like Coop, Vin? Seen "High Noon" recently? Let's rent it tomorrow. You can have all that crappy food you didn't touch tonight and I promise I won't give you any grief over the amount you inhale either. Which reminds me, you must be hungry. How 'bout I rustle you up some grub." Chris hoped his voice didn't sound too forced. He was trying desperately to instill some normalcy into the night. Inside he was still reeling from Vin's outburst. That Vin survived his abusive childhood and adolescence and emerged the decent and gentle man he was continually astounded Chris.
Vin got to his knees and pushed Chris back onto his back. "I'm hungry, all right," Vin whispered seductively, his teeth shining white in the moonlight. "For you." He leaned over Chris and kissed him deeply, swirling his tongue around Chris's, inhaling him.
Vin kissed Chris's neck while caressing his shoulder through the thin cotton t-shirt. "Let's get your clothes off, cowboy, and do this right." Chris sat up and pulled off his shirt while Vin unfastened his black jeans and began tugging them off Chris. Vin was a little frantic in his eagerness to get Chris naked and feel bare skin on bare skin. Vin slipped out of his boxer briefs and claimed Chris's mouth again pressing his full weight on him, then rolling him over so Chris was covering Vin's lean, muscled body. Chris started to speak but Vin silenced him with another kiss, and his lips were soft, loving. He had the kiss of someone who smiled often, a kiss that gave way under Chris, that parted for him and drew Chris in deep, the softest, most passionate kiss he'd ever had. Chris's pulse pounded in his neck, in his temples, but he felt secure, warm, and content. The kiss said Vin loved him.
Without breaking the kiss, Vin wrapped his arms around Chris's neck, ran his fingers through his short blond hair, across his cheek, down his sculpted chest. Vin touched his right thigh and slowly walked his fingers up to Chris's crotch, teasing, exploring, finding. Vin pressed his hand against Chris's firm cock, squeezing. Chris let out a small, whimpering moan.
Vin broke the kiss, pulled back enough to see Chris's shining green eyes. Vin's smile was shy, but his eyes were delighted. With his fingertips he stroked him firmly. Chris stroked Vin with the same rhythm. Both men were rock hard.
"We're gonna have to do something about this, pard," Vin said and burst into laughter. His laugh was as light as sunshine after a cloudburst, but at the same time just a bit silly, and still heartfelt. Chris melted into Vin's laughter, closed his eyes, and savored the sound as much as the sweet taste of his mouth that lingered on his lips.
"Uh, huh. Turn over." Chris lifted himself up so Vin could get up on all fours. Chris knelt behind Vin, stroking his cock and fondling his heavy balls. His other hand slid around Vin's waist sliding up Vin's chest tweaking and twisting Vin's erect nipples back and forth holding him tight to him as his arousal built steadily.
"Chris, " Vin moaned, "please. I need you in me now."
"Patience, Vin," Chris whispered in his ear. He continued pumping Vin's cock, stimulating the underside, his strokes gathering momentum.
"Chris, I'm coming!" Vin screamed. When the orgasm hit Chris could feel Vin shuddering with the aftershock. Chris felt Vin's warm cum streaming out onto his hand and he used it to lubricate his own cock.
Vin felt Chris press his fully erect penis against his butt working it up and down along his cleft. He was breathing hard in Vin's ear. Vin was panting, trying to calm himself, knowing another climax was moments away. Chris nuzzled the back of Vin's neck grazing it with his lips, nipping gently with his teeth. Chris held Vin tight to him, both his hands firmly grasping his slim hips as he pushed into Vin's ass slowly, easing himself in by degrees.
"Fuck me hard, Chris," Vin gasped, "yeah." Chris pumped Vin's ass, thrusting deeper with each push. Vin cried out, loud, as his body shook uncontrollably, bucking against Chris's penis. Chris felt a total explosion of feeling ripping through his body as he exploded into Vin. Chris felt Vin shudder and quake as the spasms wracked his body. He twitched and writhed as a screaming orgasm stole a howl from his throat.
"Oh, man," Vin and Chris said at the same time, and Vin collapsed on the bed, laughing, Chris laying beside him.
"What a ride, pard," Vin said, when his laughter subsided. "Whew!"
"Double whew!" Chris smiled and leaned in to gently kiss Vin's full, soft mouth. "Thanks, I needed that."
"Me, too. And to think I was going to sleep in here all by lonesome tonight. What was I thinking?" Vin grinned.
Chris's love banished the haunting memories and bad dreams away from the dark corners of Vin's mind. He felt clean again being with Chris. Being loved by a man as strong and good and true as Chris drove away the hollow feeling of being worthless in 'their' eyes, of being used, of being marked, of being weak.
Chris made him whole again. It was funny, Vin thought, after all he had been through tonight. He didn't feel tired. Or sad. Or even empty. He felt free.
THE END
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