Chris picked up the various jars and bottles of things Nathan had left. Shaking his head, he carried them into their bedroom. Vin was sleeping quietly. Chris was glad to see it. The fever and the pain had kept him tossing and unable to sleep for most of the four days they had been back at the shack. He needed more healing sleep. Sighing, Chris opened the jar of ointment and slicked it between his fingers. Thinking of the other wonderful times they had spent together in this bed, Chris felt a lump gather in his throat. Clearing his throat and shaking his head. He sat the jar down and got ready to give Vin all of Nathan's treatments."Vin, Vin?" Chris sat next to Vin on the bed. After letting Vin sleep another hour, he decided that waking him was the only way to get started. "Sit up now. Nathan's given me a bunch of stuff for you to drink. Sooner we finish all this, the sooner you can rest again." Chris ran his fingers over Vin's fore head, brushing the long hair out of his eyes and feeling for a fever. Vin's skin was finally cool but still pale. Chris resisted the need to take possession of those full pouting lips.
"Chris? Don't want none. Tastes bad." Vin tried to turn his head away but was stopped by a gentle hand on his chin.
"Not a chance, cowboy. You are going to drink all of this and get better so we can ride together again." Chris brought up the cup of feverfew and cascara tea and poured a little into Vin's mouth. Clamping his mouth before Vin could spit it out, Chris smiled. "Get used to it, Vin. I'm gonna be here and you're gonna get better. I made you a promise, and I mean to keep it. "
Watching Vin finish the last of the teas, he brought out the bottle of laudanum and held it up to Vin's lips. " Here, drink a long swing of this." Chris continued forcing the bottle until Vin gulped a generous swallow.
"That's laudanum! Why you making me drink that? It don't hurt as long as I don't have to do something, ya know. And I already did that this morning while you was out hunting. " Vin looked at Chris suspiciously and then at the jar in Chris' hand. "What's that?"
"Vin, Nathan says we gotta keep the skin in your buttocks from healing wrong. He wants me to take this ointment and." Chris started to continue but had to stop when Vin tried to climb out the other side of the bed. "Wait Vin. Hold on!"
"No! No!" Vin was on the floor bedside the bed shaking and looking at Chris with horrified eyes. "Chris! No! It'll hurt. You can't hurt me like that! You promised! " Vin was crying hysterically, curling himself into a ball. Chris reached down stroking his back and lifted him back on the bed. The laudanum and strain of fighting Chris had exhausted him and he couldn't fight. All he could do was cry pitifully as Chris pulled up the nightshirt he was wearing. " You promised, Chris! You promised!"
Chris sat looking at Vin curled over on his side away from him, shaking in total fear.
Suddenly he started to cry. The energy he needed to keep up his brave front had abandoned him and he placed his head on Vin's pillow and curled up next to him. Sobbing he let all the anger and hurt he had felt since finding Vin, pour out of him. Stroking Vin's back while he cried, he soon fell asleep.
The moonlight fell across his face, and he turned away from it and felt soft breathing next to him. Sitting up slowly, he smiled and looked down at Vin. Vin had nestled himself back against Chris' hip and was snoring softly.
Steeling himself, Chris reached for the jar of ointment and began working his hands slowly up the back of Vin's leg
Chris knew that how he handled the next hour or so could easily dictate whether or not Vin recovered from his physical and mental problems. He had a tendency to be rough with Vin in their love making because that's what he liked and Vin seemed to return his need in kind. But after what he had suffered in the last week, Vin was going to be shown again how a gentle touch and soft lovemaking could cure a man.
Chris let his hand lay between Vin's thighs as the young tracker continued to sleep under the influence of the laudanum. Moving his face closer, he gazed at the long reddish-brown curls falling softly down his back. Breathing deeply, Chris took in Vin's scent. Parting the hair at the back of Vin's neck, Chris moved closer until he placed his lips on the fragile skin underneath and began to kiss it softly.
Keeping Vin on his left side, Chris continued to lick and kiss the back of his neck while his hand began to stroke the inside of Vin's thigh. Chris pulled up Vin's nightshirt until it was above his hips. Vin's penis was soft and lay against the thigh of his lower leg. His balls were still slightly swollen and Chris made sure that he avoided touching them as he continued to stroke Vin's leg.
Chris heard Vin start to moan in his sleep. He listened and stopped caressing Vin until Vin was quiet again. Pulling Vin's hair back from around his ear, Chris began to lick and tongue the earlobe gently. A little at a time he let his hand slide up Vin's leg moving closer to his buttocks.
Vin was having a dream. He and Chris were deep in a warm dark cave. He was floating above Chris as Chris stroked his groin and suckled his lips. A warm liquid feeling began crawling up his spine and he felt himself getting hard as Chris continued to work his magic. Chris could always make him feel good, not like that man in the shack. The man in the shack . . .he . . . had made Vin hurt . . .pushed into him and tearing him apart . . .He felt the dream crashing and he found himself trapped in a bed in a strange room . . . and afraid again . . .
"No, Ah . . .stop . . . don't touch me!!!" Vin tried to struggle up and bend away from Chris.
Chris had been stroking and kissing Vin for over an hour. He had managed to get Vin semi-erect and his hand between Vin's buttocks with his finger resting on Vin's ass. Pressing the ointment coated finger against Vin's rim had awaken the young tracker and panicked him. Chris knew he needed to get this done, but he was unsure of how far to push Vin. Gritting his teeth, he tightened his lower arm around Vin's shoulders and pushed his finger inside Vin gently. Whispering and kissing he held the struggling man against him.
"Easy, Vin. It's Chris. Come on now. Let me in. This medicine is gonna help you out, now. Please just give it a second. Try and relax. Remember all the times you couldn't wait for this. Remember the first time we made love? You all blushing and flustered and me all thumbs and wanting you so bad?" Chris continued talking soothingly to Vin and even though Vin tightened his buttocks as hard as he could against Chris' hand, Chris managed to work the ointment into him and with his finger gently break apart the scars.
"GOD!!! NO MAMA HELP ME!!!!"
The scream that came from Vin made Chris' heart stop. His finger still inside Vin, Chris was still working the salve into Vin's tender insides. At Vin's outburst, he slowly withdrew his hand and placed the witch hazel cotton against Vin's bruised rim. Chris moved to stroking the small of Vin's back and kissing his neck again. Whispering again, and making soothing noises into Vin's neck, Chris began to feel Vin relax and sleep again.
With Vin finally asleep and nestled against him, Chris felt himself relax and the tears start to form. He knew he had told Nathan he would be able to handle Vin's treatment. But this had hurt him almost as much as it had hurt Vin. He didn't know if he could treat his lover this way everyday. He found himself shaking and afraid. Would this be the only memory they would have of the love they had both treasured ? "No, Vin. We're gonna get through this. My hands and body have loved you and known love in return. I refuse to give that up. I refuse to give up on both of us."
TEN
Chris was up early the next morning. Carefully moving his body away from Vin's, he left the tracker to sleep off the effects of the laudanum. Remembering Vin's reaction from last night, Chris steeled himself for anger when Vin awoke. In the meantime he went about preparing the teas Vin needed for the day and starting breakfast. Nathan had Vin restricted to a wheat based gruel until he was fully recovered but this morning Chris added some honey and applesauce Miss Nettie had sent over. Fixing himself only coffee, Chris went to wake Vin."Vin. Vin, can you wake up? " Chris sat next to Vin on the bed and stroked his hair while calling his name. He saw Vin's beautiful blue eyes open but remain unfocused. Letting his hand fall to Vin's back, he reached down and touched Vin's forehead with his lips. Vin turned his head sleepily and met Chris' lips with his own. Sliding his tongue inside Chris', Vin leisurely let it explore the moistness it found there.
As Chris started to respond to Vin's tonguing, he let his hand slide down Vin's spine. Before he could catch himself, he felt Vin stiffen and pull his face away. Damn, thought Chris. Vin sat up and looked at Chris. Vin looked so pale and wasted.
"Chris. Sorry, didn't know where I was there for a moment." Chris only nodded in response to Vin, letting himself off the bed as Vin made to stand. Chris held back from touching Vin as he stood unsteadily at the side of the bed. Pulling himself away from Chris, he made his way to the chair to get his pants. "Going outside." Was all Vin said as he made his way unsteadily across the cabin. Chris watched and noted the tracker's body still held the bruises and healing cuts from his encounter with the crazed woman and her brothers. Chris silently cursed them for what they had taken from Vin and him.
Sipping his coffee, Chris waited from Vin to come back to the cabin. Vin finally opened the door and walked slowly into the room. Seeing Chris had breakfast prepared he grabbed a shirt before sitting down. Sitting carefully down on the side of his hip, Vin gulped down the teas quickly, and started on the gruel. The first teaspoon brought a surprised look to his face and he looked at Chris questioningly.
"Thought I'd try and spice it up for you a little. It any good?" Chris held his breath as Vin nodded his head.
"Yeah, it's good, Chris. Thanks. Getting kind of tired eating this stuff. Give a lot for a good piece of venison. " Holding up his hand, he continued. "I know. Not until Nathan says so. " They sat in silence until Vin was finished and Chris had done the dishes.
"I've got some work to do on the corral. It's a good day to sit in the sun. I put that hammock between those two oaks by the stream. Just enough shade to make it a nice place to catch a nap." Chris left Vin with the information, not wanting to push him into feeling more of a prisoner than he already felt. Vin nodded and went back into the bedroom. Returning with a quilt he went out and sat in the chair on the porch. Shaking his head, Chris collected the tools he needed to mend the fencing and went out to work.
After a couple hours, sitting in the chair Vin limped slowly to the lean to that held both their horses. Taking brushes, he worked slowly brushing the horses and putting out fresh hay. Chris watched him while he worked on the corral, but didn't say anything. Nathan would be having a heart attack, but Chris knew Vin needed to be active. Finishing, Vin finally made his way to the hammock and crawled in immediately falling asleep.
Chris first hear the shouting as he was stacking his tools away in the work shed. Running quickly to the front of the house, he could see the voice crying out was Vin's and looked to see Vin's body laying underneath the hammock. Bending over Vin, Chris could see Vin was crying; his body heaving as he fought to catch his breath. Afraid to touch him, Chris bend lower, and starting talking to him in a low soothing voice. "It's ok Vin. It's me, Chris. You just had another dream. Let me turn you over and make sure you didn't hurt yourself in your fall."
Vin was trapped between his dream and the sound of Chris' voice. Struggling to get up, he collapsed on the ground groaning with the effort. "Vin, let me help." Chris made to turn Vin and finding no resistance he lifted the tracker in his arms and carried him inside the cabin. Placing Vin on the bed, he eased off his shirt. Wetting a towel, he washed the sweat off Vin's face and was starting on his chest, when Vin pushed his hands away.
In a tired and pained voice, Vin spoke trying to take the towel from Chris. "I can get it. I ain't no baby." Chris gave him the towel and watched as Vin tried to place the soothing coolness of the water on his re-injured ribs. Groaning, he let the cloth fall from his hands and turned his head away from Chris on the pillow. Trying to take short tiny gulps of air, Vin moaned and didn't move. Feeling totally helpless, Chris walked to the medicines and took out the laudanum. Mixing it with the teas Vin needed, he walked back to the bed.
"Vin, here. May as well take this now. When you're feeling better, I'll get you something to eat. " Chris placed the cup to Vin's lips and he took it without acknowledging Chris. Sighing, Chris took the cup to the sink, dreading the task he had to perform later that night. Hearing Vin stirring, he walked to the door of the bedroom.
"Chris. " It was barely above a whisper, and Chris moved to the bed.
"I'm here Vin. " Standing beside the bed Chris was afraid to move fearful of doing the wrong thing.
"Chris, can ya read one of those stories to me. The one about the knight hunting for that cup?" Vin turned painfully on his side and looked at Chris. Chris nodded happily and went to fetch the thick volume he and Vin had been sharing. Sitting in a chair beside the bed, Chris began the story of Galahad and the Quest for the Holy Grail.
Reading out loud for about an hour, Chris yawned and saw that Vin was finally snoring softly. Laying aside the book, he undressed and took up the ointment and lay down beside Vin. Like the previous night, Chris caressed Vin, who was well under the influence of the laudanum, and eased his finger into Vin's anus when he was semi- erect. Vin cried out and whimpered, pushing at Chris with his hands, but Chris held fast and finished breaking scar tissue with his finger and working the ointment deep into Vin as he could go. Vin ended up crying and sobbing again. Chris looked longingly at his lover and suddenly feeling sick, ran outside and retched on his knees into the ground. Rising unsteadily to his feet, he rinsed out his mouth and made his way back to the bedroom. Exhausted Chris lay down beside the young tracker, placed his arm across Vin's waist and drew Vin against him. Vin didn't resist but continued to whimper and cry out for sometime before falling asleep. Chris started out the window, while holding his love: praying for a miracle.
Chris woke the next morning to find Vin gone from the bed. Staring out the window, he saw that the sun was well up in the sky. Not believing he had slept so long, Chris quickly dressed and moved outside looking for Vin. Not seeing him anywhere, he rounded the house toward the corral. Peso was gone. "Damn!" Chris shouted. Looking for tracks, he saw that Vin had ridden off toward the springs. Going back to get his hat, he was saddling his black, when he heard Peso walking slowing toward the lean to. Looking up he saw Vin getting carefully off his horse, and lean heavily against the saddle. Covered with sweat and looking exhausted, Vin smiled and started to lead Peso to his stall. Stumbling over some bailing wire, he landed hard on his bruised ribs, cursing.
"Ah, hell! Peso, why'd you do that?" Vin's voice sounded slurred and as Chris moved to help him he smelled whisky on Vin's breath. Puzzled, Chris eased Vin upright and stared at him. "What'ya looking at Larabee? Ain't ya ever seen a man drunk before?"
"Vin, why? What's going on?" Chris was trying to keep his temper under control while helping Vin stand.
"Wanted to go riding. Took the bottle with me in case it hurt. And it did. So I had a drink or two. Feel better now. " Chris walked Vin back to the cabin, grabbing the whisky bottle from Vin's saddlebags. The bottle had been a new one, the seal unbroken now the bottle was half empty. Chris deposited Vin on the bed and went to put the bottle away. Coming back to the bedroom, the scene before him brought instant tears to his eyes. Vin's words added to the horror of the moment.
Vin was laying over the edge of the bed, his pants drawn down to his knees. Looking over his shoulder, he spoke . . . "May as well, get it over now, Larabee. I ain't feeling no pain anyway. Poke that slippery finger up me and finish it. There weren't no blood this morning when I did my business and I'm getting used to the pain, so this'll be the last night for your treatments. I"ll be going back to town in the morning." Vin placed his head in his hands and placed his forehead on the bed waiting for Chris to apply the salve. When Chris didn't move, he mumbled. "Hurry up Larabee. I'm getting cold, hanging out like this."
Numbly, Chris moved to the bedside table and took the ointment in his hands. Warming it by rubbing it between his hands, he moved to the foot of the bed beside Vin. Trying to reason with the tracker, he started to speak.
"Ain't gonna do ya no good to argue Chris. Finish it now or I'm pullin' up my pants and going to sleep. " Vin's voice although drunk, still held firm resolve and Chris moved around behind Vin. Reaching around to take Vin's shaft in his hands, Chris felt Vin's stomach contract and felt his hands being pushed away. "Don't Chris. Just do it. Now! I ain't gonna tell ya again."
Trying to see through the tears in his eyes, Chris added extra ointment to his index finger and gently inserted it in Vin's buttock. Vin's tightened and started to tremble but Chris closed his eyes to avoid looking, and continued with his manipulation. Finishing as quickly as he could, he withdrew his finger and cleaned it on a towel. Helping Vin stand, Vin pulled away and fell fully clothed onto the bed. Going in the kitchen to retrieve the whiskey, Chris took a long swig. Taking the bottle with him, he lay down on the bed with his back to Vin. Taking another drink, he felt himself slipping off to sleep . . . and felt the love of his tracker slipping away with it.