SIX
"That was the worst it ever got. After that, they didn't bother tryin' ta gimme no more surprises." Vin took another long drink. Bitter words poured out in a raspy Texas drawl. "They just went back to what they'd been doin'. I'd take care of the horses and such durin' the daytime, and they'd do whatever the fuck they wanted to at night."
"I don't think I coulda taken much more. I'd been with 'em most o' the spring, all o' the summer and part o' the fall. They was makin' some tradin' runs into
some Indian camps, tryin' to get a stake to keep 'em through the winter. We rode into this Comanche camp, long about the end of September. I was kinda excited, cause I hadn't never seen no Comanches afore that. There was this one old man there, and he kept watchin' me. Made me kinda nervous."
"Them Indians wasn't real interested in tradin'. Pissed them three off real good." Vin smiled humorlessly, at the thought. "And that old Indian kept watchin' me. I tell ya Chris, I was gettin' so scared o' the way he kept lookin' at me, I was almost pissin' myself." Vin took another drink and stared off into the desert silently.
Chris sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know how much more, his partner could possibly have left to tell. It was as ugly a story as he'd ever heard. It wasn't that surprising, when he thought about it. Hell, if he thought about it, it would be a lot more surprising, if it hadn't happened. There were just too damned many men, like the ones Vin had known, roaming the range. Chris looked at his friend, with a sense of amazement. He'd always known Vin had a hard life, but he hadn't imagined just how hard. A lot of people, living through that kind of hell, would have turned mean and hard. Not Vin, though. He was just the opposite. He couldn't stand, to see anyone treated mean or unfairly. He'd put his own life on the line, to protect weak or defenseless people. Chris was proud as hell, that Vin was his friend.
Vin took another drink and started talking again. "We was gettin' ready to leave, cause they wanted to hit some more camps, fore Winter come on. And that old Indian, he grabbed Boyle by the arm and started pointin' at me. Boyle was shakin' his head and yellin' and I was gettin' scareder by the minute. Next thing I know, Boyle and them other two is packin' up and tellin' me I was stayin'. Christ, I was beggin' 'em not ta leave me there. They just shoved me back and told me they'd traded me to Standin' Horse, that was his name, Standin' Horse. I didn't have no idea what he was gonna do. I'd heard lots of stories, about what Indians did to people."
Chris could well imagine the kind of stories, a 13 year old boy in Texas, had heard about Indians.
"I was scared to death, that he was gonna kill me, or that he was gonna be like them. But, he wasn't Chris. He never laid a hand on me in anger. And he didn't want nothin' from me neither. He was the best person I ever knew." Vin's face got a wistful look, and Chris could hear the affection in his voice, as the bounty hunter told him about Standing Horse. How the old man had lost his only son, to a fever, at the age of 14. How Standing Horse had noticed the bruises, and the fear, on a 13 year old boy's face. How he'd raised that boy, and taught him to track, and to hunt. And Chris saw the hurt, and heard the pain, when Vin told him about the army sweeping in and massacring the village. How Standing Horse had been killed, and an army corporal had dragged a sobbing 17 year old, blue eyed boy, off of the body, of the only father he'd ever known.
Vin had to close his eyes against the tears again. He couldn't stand to look at Chris, to see the disgust in the older man's eyes. And then he felt Chris' hand on his shoulder. Heard a soft voice telling him, none of it had been his fault. And he couldn't hold back the tears any longer. He buried his face in Chris's arms and cried.
Chris held the sharpshooter, as he sobbed out his pain. And he pushed the cold hatred, he felt for the man in Nathan's clinic, into the back of his mind. Vin
needed him too much right now, for him to give into his rage. And so, he just sat silently holding his friend, while he cried.
After a long time, Vin pushed himself away from Chris. He couldn't look at the older man. He didn't have any idea of what to say to him now. He'd told Chris, the things he'd never even told Standing Horse. And then, he'd broke down and bawled like a baby in Chris's arms. Christ, how had this happened? Vin took another drink and steeled himself to meet Chris's eyes.
There was no condemnation there, no disgust. Instead, Vin saw pain, and friendship. Chris didn't hate him. Vin had to swallow hard, to keep the tears from coming again. He took another drink and offered the half empty bottle to Chris.
The older man took it gladly. He allowed himself a long drink and then turned back to his friend. He had to say something to the tracker, and he hoped he'd be able to find the right words.
SEVEN
"Vin, it wasn't your fault, you gotta know that." Chris hoped like hell, that the younger man believed him.
Vin shook his head. "Yeah, I know that. I just wasn't big enough to do shit about it then. Well, I ain't a fuckin' kid no more." Vin's voice was a deadly hiss, as he continued. "They wasn't the only ones tried that, they was just the last ones I couldn't stop."
Chris nodded grimly. Hell, the way he looked, Vin probably had to stop a lot of men. He offered the bottle back to the tracker, but Vin waved it off.
"Naw, I think I got enough of that shit in me now."
Chris didn't doubt it for a minute. Vin had drank more than a full bottle of whiskey and he had to be drunk as shit by now. As if to prove it, Chris heard an uncharacteristic giggle from the normally stoic tracker.
"What's so funny, Vin?" Chris asked quietly. He couldn't for the life of him, see a single damn thing to laugh about.
"Aw, it ain't funny so much, Chris. I was just wonderin' why Buck likes doin' that so much?" Vin's words were slurred, and Chris could see the whiskey sneaking up on him.
Chris couldn't help but smile a little at the tracker's question. Trust Vin, to let that odd sense of humor show just when they needed it most. He laughed softly when he answered. "Well pard, you know it's a helluva lot of fun." "Why?" Vin asked him, a puzzled look on his face.
Chris started to laugh, but the confusion in Vin's eyes registered and the laugh died on his lips. "Damn." He swore under his breath. He put a hand on Vin's shoulder and asked him gently. "Vin, you ever made love with anyone before?"
Vin looked at him with so much hurt in his eyes, Chris had to look away.
"Didn't you hear anything I told you?" The tracker snarled. "I been fucked six ways from Sunday."
Chris met those blue eyes again and brushed a lock of hair out of them. "Vin, I'm not talking about what they did to you. I'm talking about making love, with someone you care about."
Vin's eyes were totally confused as he looked at Chris. "Chris, I ain't got no idea what you're talkin' about. I ain't never, ever, gonna let anybody do them things to me again. Hell, I'd cut it off afore I'd let anyone else touch it. If I need it, I'll use my own damn hand."
EIGHT
Chris was shocked. He didn't have time to think about an answer though, because Vin suddenly lurched to his feet and started stumbling past him, with his hand over his mouth. He made it about 10 yards away, before all that whiskey came back up. Chris would have helped him, but he heard the sounds of a horse and rider approaching. Peering into the night, he could barely make out JD Dunne headed their way. Oh shit! Chris thought. I forgot about him. He'd told JD to find him, and now JD had. Of all the times, for the kid to do what he's told, Chris thought in irritation. He moved quickly down the trail, intercepting the kid. He didn't think Vin would want to face him right now, and he sure as hell, didn't want Vin overhearing what he had to say to the kid.
"Hey, Chris. You find Vin?" JD called, the concern evident in his voice.
"Yeah, I found him. He's OK." Chris answered impatiently. "What about that fellow in the clinic?" Chris wasn't about to call him a man.
"Uh, he's gonna be OK, but Nathan said I can't talk to him until tomorrow. I still don't know if he wants to press charges, Chris." JD's voice was worried.
"He ain't gonna press no charges." Chris's voice was icy.
"How do you know Chris?" JD leaned over, his saddle horn.
"Cause if he tries," Chris's voice was deadly, and JD could see such a terribleness to his face, that he understood fully, maybe for the first time, exactly what it was about Chris Larabee, that other men feared so much. "I'll put a bullet in his head."
JD's mouth dropped open and he started to say something, but Chris cut him off.
"I want you to go back to town, JD and have a talk with that fellow. You tell him about me, JD. Make sure he knows who I am, and what I've done. And you tell him, that if I ever lay eyes on him again, he's dead. I'll kill him. Not Vin. Me. I'll put a bullet in him the second I lay eyes on him. Make sure he knows." Chris took hold of JD's reins, and turned his horse towards Four Corners. "Vin and I are gonna be staying at my shack for a few days. I don't want no company. You got that JD?"
JD nodded, but before he could say a word, Chris slapped his horse on the rump and the horse took off towards home.
Vin was stumbling back to the fire as, Chris returned. The whiskey was really hitting him now, and he could hardly walk. Chris got ahold of him and pushed him down near the fire. Vin squinted up at him.
"Thans Chrissss." He slurred.
Chris looked at him for a long minute, before he made up his mind. "Don't get too comfortable yet, pard. We're goin' for a ride." He was already saddling their horses. He didn't want to spend one more minute in this place, where he'd listened to that soft voice pouring out such ugliness. And, Vin didn't need to be here, when he sobered up.
"Where we goin'?" Vin asked drunkenly.
Chris looked over at him appraisingly. He was drunker than Chris had ever seen him. "We're going to spend the night at my shack. It's getting too cold to sleep outside."
Vin didn't answer, he was too busy trying to keep from falling over. Chris finished saddling the horses, and helped his partner get mounted. They rode off without a word, Chris keeping a sharp eye on Vin, to make sure he stayed in the saddle.
NINE
Chris climbed down off his horse wearily. He made it to Peso's side, just in time to keep Vin from pitching sideways off of the horse. Vin thought that was funny and giggled, as Chris helped him into the house. There was no way Vin was going to be able to get his gun and boots off by himself, so Chris took them off for him. Vin was having a hard time keeping his eyes open now. His head dropped to his chest. His boots and gun were off, and Chris decided to just put him to bed the way he was. He got him on his feet and helped him flop down on the bed, before the bounty hunter passed out.
Chris unsaddled the horses and bedded them down for the night. He was coming through the door when he heard Vin cry out in his sleep. Chris sat down on the edge of the bed. He laid a gentle hand on Vin's back. Chris could feel his heart pounding through his shirt, and he heard the soft whimpers from his friend. He rubbed his back and soothed him until the ex bounty hunter quieted. Damn! He hated seeing Vin in this kind of pain.
Chris sighed and leaned back against the wall. He stretched his long legs out the length of the bed, making himself more comfortable. Every so often, Vin would cry out, or moan in his sleep and Chris would rub his back and whisper soothing words until he quieted. He stayed that way most of the night, thinking and smoking an occasional cheroot.
TEN
Daylight was streaming through the windows of the shack, when Chris opened his eyes. Vin was still asleep, courtesy of too much whiskey, Chris surmised. And too much pain, he couldn't help thinking. Well, he might not be able to do anything about the whiskey, but if Vin went along, he just might be able to ease some of the hurt, the young tracker had been carrying for way too long.
Chris had a pot of coffee ready, when Vin stumbled out of bed. He looked awful. His hair was a mess and there were black circles under both his eyes. Worse than that though, was the defeated look in his eyes. Chris didn't think he'd ever seen Vin look so miserable as he did at that moment.
"Coffee?" he offered.
Vin sat down at the table and nodded gratefully, and then groaned as the whiskey reached up and bit him. "Damn, I got one hell of a hangover." He replied with a grimace. He folded his arms on the table and put his head on top of them.
Chris smiled ruefully. "Not much surprise in that pard. You drank an awful lot of whiskey last night."
Vin groaned in response and gulped down half of his coffee. His raspy voice was laced with pain, and he looked at Chris in confusion. "How'd we get here? Last thing I remember, was losin' all that whiskey I drunk."
"I didn't feel like sleeping in the cold last night, so we rode here." Chris answered truthfully, if not completely. "You hungry? There's not much here, but I can scrape together something."
Vin shook his head and moaned at the movement. "I don't think my stomach'd hold no food just now. I think, I'm gonna go soak my head for a while fore I try to eat anything." Chris nodded at him. "That's probably a good idea pard." Vin looked like he was still half drunk, and Chris wanted him cold sober when he laid it out for him. No way, he was gonna let Vin decide about that, unless his head was clear enough, so that Chris knew his decision, was what the tracker wanted. He'd wait till Vin came back from cleaning up, to have this talk.
ELEVEN
Vin had decided to soak his head in a little pond a few miles from Chris's spread. The ride would help to clear the whiskey from his system. He had been gone for over four hours, and Chris was starting to get worried. Chris smiled a little at the thought. Vin Tanner, was beyond a doubt, the most capable person in the wild he'd ever known. No, if he was honest with himself, it wasn't Vin being gone so long, that had him worried. It was what he was planning on saying to Vin, when he got back that was eating at Chris.
As if on cue, Vin Tanner appeared on the horizon. Chris watched him grow larger in just about the same proportion, as Chris's apprehension about the conversation he was planning.
Vin rode into the yard and dismounted. He tied his horse to the hitching post and took something off his saddle. "I got dinner." He drawled, as he thrust two fat jack rabbits at Chris.
Chris took the rabbits and stared at his friend. Vin had obviously bathed. His hair was still damp, but it was the fact that Vin had shaved that Chris was noticing. Damn, Chris thought. Without those whiskers, Vin didn't look much older than JD. Just how old - or young, was the tracker, he wondered. And, Chris thought, this conversation's getting harder every damn minute.
Vin went into the house, oblivious to Chris's nervousness. He felt the coffee pot on the stove, and finding it still hot, poured himself a cup. He added sugar, and turned to face Chris. He hadn't noticed Chris's nervousness, because he was too busy worrying about what he was going to say to his best friend.
Vin remembered most of what he had told Chris the night before. They'd both been avoiding talking about it, and Vin wasn't a man who avoided unpleasantness for long. He'd have to find some way to talk to Chris, to ease the tension standing between the two of them. Chris's friendship was too important to him, to let his past be a wall between them. If, Vin thought anxiously, Chris wasn't disgusted with the things that they'd done to him, the things he'd done. Vin thought, Chris had told him it wasn't his fault, and that he understood. But, he'd been so damn drunk last night, maybe he was just wanting that to be Chris's reaction so bad, he'd made it up. Damn, he hated the idea of this talk.
TWELVE
Chris watched Vin drinking his coffee, and decided it looked like a pretty good idea. He poured himself a cup, and took a deep breath, bracing himself for the words he was about to say.
"Vin, you ready to talk?"
Nodding, Vin sat down at the the head of the table, and shrugged his shoulders. He was grateful, Chris had taken the first step, so he didn't have to. Chris sighed, and sat his coffee on the side of the table. Hooking the chair, he turned it, so that it was facing Vin. Sitting down, he put a hand out and rested it on Vin's shoulder for a moment.
"It's going to be OK, pard." Chris told him softly.
"Chris, I don't think it's ever gonna be OK again." The raspy voice was miserable. "I beat him up pretty good didn't I? Did I mess things up for us?"
Vin met his eyes and Chris could see the pain, not just from his memories, but also from Vin's fear of losing his place among the Seven. He smiled reassuringly at his partner. "No. That's the one thing I can tell you for sure. He's gonna be alright, and then he's gonna be gone."
Vin looked at Chris sharply. He wasn't sure how, but Chris's face left no room for doubt. If Chris said Boyle was gone, then he was gone. But, Vin also knew that he had to square things with Judge Travis. As if he could read his mind, Chris spoke up.
"You don't have to worry about the judge, either. I'm going to talk to him and make it alright." Chris looked away for a minute and then met Vin's eyes. "Vin, I wanted to talk to you about something you told me last night."
Vin's eyes dropped. He never wanted to talk about the things he'd told Chris last night, ever again. But, Vin knew that he had to face up to whatever Chris had to say. If Chris was repulsed by what Vin had told him, and didn't want him hanging around, he might as well know now. His heart heavy, he raised his eyes, hoping not to, but fearing he would, see revulsion in the green eyes of his best friend.
He didn't. He saw concern and friendship, and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on. He felt the tight bands in his chest loosen, and found the courage to ask. "What'dya wanta know Chris?"
Chris couldn't see any other way, so he asked him plain. "Vin, except for them, you ever been with anybody?"
Vin's mouth dropped open. He hadn't known what Chris was going to ask him about, but he sure hadn't expected that. God, had he told Chris that too? He didn't remember telling him, but hell, all the whiskey he'd drunk, who knew, what all he told his partner? Aw, hell. Chris knew everything else, he might as well know that too. Hot color stained his cheeks, as he lowered his eyes and whispered a single word. "No."
Chris laid his hand back on Vin's shoulder and spoke softly. "Vin, you gotta know, what they did, that's nothing like it's supposed to be. It's supposed to make you feel good and it's not supposed to hurt."
Vin looked back at Chris and the pain in his eyes was so palpable, it was like a living being. "Chris, ain't nobody ever gonna get me to believe that could make me feel good."
Chris spoke again, "Vin, you just have to be with someone you care about. Someone who cares about you. Someone you trust. Then, it's good. Hell, it's more than good. It's beautiful."
Vin heard the emotion in his voice, and wondered if he was thinking about Sarah. It didn't matter though. "Chris, I ain't got much chance of finding somebody like that, not with this bounty on my head."
Chris drew in his breath. Vin had said just about what he'd expected to hear. Now came the hard part. "Vin, what if there was somebody you already knew, somebody you could trust?"
The eyes that looked back at Chris were totally confused. "Chris, there ain't nobody like that."
"There's me."
Vin's mouth dropped open again. Was Chris, saying what he thought he was? His partner spoke again, and Vin had no doubt as to what he was saying.
"Vin, you need somebody to teach you what lovemaking's supposed to be. It has to be someone who knows you. Someone who gives a damn what happens to you. I'm offering. If you'll let me, I'll show you what it's really supposed to be.
Vin couldn't believe what he was hearing. Chris wanted him to do those things again. He couldn't. He just couldn't. "No way, I can't do that ever again, Chris."
"Vin, I know you're scared. I don't blame you. Hell, I'd be scared shitless. But Vin, not knowing what love is really like, well, it's a hell of a price to pay. Nothing ever made me feel better, than when Sarah touched me. I wouldn't give up the memory of the way she made me feel, for anything. Vin, I hate the thought of you not knowing what it's really like."
Vin heard Chris's words, but more than that, he felt the truth of what Chris had said. "I'm so scared Chris. It hurt so bad before."
His voice had that same childish quality to it, as it had held when Vin had poured out his pain, just the night before. It was so vulnerable, that Chris ached for his young partner.
"Vin, you don't have to be scared. I know what I'm doing, pard. I'd never do anything to hurt you." Chris told him calmly.
Vin shook his head vigorously. He spoke bitterly. "You don't know this, Chris. It must be dif' ernt, when it's with a woman, cause that hurts like hell and it sure ain't beautiful."
Chris's voice was calm and low. "Vin, it doesn't have to hurt, and I do know what I'm doing."
"Whata ya mean you know what you're doin'? There ain't no way to know what you're doin, unless . . ." Vin's voice died as realization set in.
Chris shrugged nonchalantly, and met the young tracker's eyes. "About a year before I came to Four Corners. I was holed up in a whorehouse in the middle of a two month bender. The madam of the place was an adventurous gal, and she kept trying to talk me into giving it a go with her and this pretty fellow who was working there. The drunker I got the less I hated the idea. One night I got drunk enough to try it. Hell, that cowboy was a better lay than most of the girls working there. It's not that much different, from being with a woman. I went with him a few times after that."
Vin was astonished. Chris Larabee was admitting to being with a man and he was admitting to liking it. This was going to take a lot of thinking, to make sense. Vin's gravely voice was shaky, when he finally spoke. "I don't know, Chris. I gotta think about this." With that, he got up and went out the door.
Chris watched from his chair, as Vin mounted his horse and rode off. His friend needed time to think about what Chris had proposed and Chris knew he thought better on a horse than just about anywhere. Chris smiled a little as he thought about the time he'd spent with that man, who's name he'd never even bothered to learn. Hell, he'd been with lots of women who's names he didn't know either, since then. Drunk most of the time and just wanting to ease his pain anyway he could. That cowboy'd done things, and shown him things, he hadn't known were possible. He'd scare Vin to death, if he told him everything he'd done with that cowboy.
CONTINUE
