The Lesser of Two

ONE

This wasn't, to put it mildly, the usual situation Chris and Vin generally ended up in after a patrol.

In fact, it might even be said that this was a situation that neither man had ever encountered before.

Kidnapping was a constant danger, as were bounty hunters after Vin, and they had lost count of men seeking them for revenge.

But this...

Alexander Ryan was part of a gang that had been doing a few minor things to disturb the peace. The occasional bit of cattle rustling, a few assaults on lone ranchers, nothing particularly unusual.

Except that one of the men who had been assaulted had reported not only being beaten up, but, after much gentle talking by Nathan, and assurances that no one else would hear of it, something that Nathan had only broken to Chris and Vin for their own protection, he had told them that he had been taken by Ryan. Nathan had treated the injuries from that encounter and been horrified by the brutality that Ryan had inflicted upon the man.

And now Chris and Vin were on the business end of Ryan's gun, each tied at the wrists and ankles, waiting for...what? Neither man had been able to speak of what had happened to the rancher, as Ryan would have heard them, and if he had not been planning to do...that, then maybe if they said it, he might change his plans. Neither of the men had been able to acknowledge to themselves the possibility that he might be planning to take them anyway.

The silence was almost more terrifying than knowing, but neither Chris nor Vin could speak. Partly fear, partly hope that if they didn't say anything the others would find them first and partly the faint hope that this was all that would be done to them.

The faint hope died, though, when Ryan came to them.

"I guess you boys have heard somethin' about me and that pretty little rancher boy?"

Chris nodded, slowly.

"Yeah, that was a pretty good night. Got to have him, and if he'da stayed awake, he coulda had me. I believe in reciprocation," he leered, "And it was pretty obvious that he hadn't been laid in a while. No woman stayin' with him, and even if he took whores, he only went inta town once a month. Not even a pretty fella stayin' with him. Hey, if I'da thought he had someone else, I'da just beat him up, but I thought I'd give him somethin' to remember me by. And I heard all about you boys, too. None of you seem to have any attachments. That big fella with the mustache, he gets laid real regular, though, and the kid, he has that pretty lil' girl, although I bet she ain't let him lay her yet. Don't know about the gamblin' fella, the preacher probably ain't interested in such things, and although you," he looked at Chris, "Seem to like that pretty newspaper lady, I don't think she'd let you near her before she had a ring on her finger. And as for you, pretty boy, I hear you was raised by Injuns, and we know all about what they do. Neither of you ever seems to spend any time with the ladies, or with anyone much besides each other and your friends. I guess I'll just have to have both of ya. I like to be fair."

Chris and Vin were both disgusted, not to mention fearful. Obviously the man had been watching them. Then, to Chris's shock, Vin began to speak.

"You think you know everythin', don't you, Ryan? But you haven't thought about why we might spend all of our time together, have you?"

"What do you mean?" Ryan asked.

Vin gave Chris a look, much like the look they had shared all those months ago that had led them to this moment. He pleaded with his eyes for Chris to trust him, and there was nothing more that needed to be asked. Chris nodded briefly in understanding, although he had no idea where Vin was going with this. Still...if it delayed or stopped Ryan's lecherous plans...

"You seem like such a smart man, Ryan. You know I was raised by Indians, you know Chris ain't got anyone else, you know we spend all of our time together, and you ain't figured out the reason why?"

"I guess you just like each other's company," Ryan answered.

"You could say that," Vin murmured, "I guess that's one way of puttin' it."

"Then what is it?" Ryan asked.

"Well...we don't wanna tell too many people about this. Might affect the way people see us, or the way we do our jobs. But I guess we can tell you, Ryan."

Chris was almost laughing at Vin's coolness. If anyone who didn't know the tracker well were to see him now, they'd think he was as calm and collected as he ever was. But for someone who knew Vin as well as Chris did, the trembling and nervous movements were obvious.

"Well, seein' as how I'm gonna take you, I guess you'd better tell me, Tanner."

"That's just it," Vin replied, "I don't think you're gonna take us after I tell you this."

Chris wondered what Vin was going to tell the man.

Then Vin finally stopped dancing around what he was going to say.

"Ryan, the reason Chris and I spend all of our time together is very simple. We take our pleasure in each other, and that's why we ain't got lady friends. No need. Chris spends time with Mrs Travis to be close to her son Billy, and also so people won't get the wrong idea about us. I guess it worked, at least with you."

Ryan seemed to be thinking about what Vin had said. "Prove it," he said at last.

"What?" Vin was surprised enough that Ryan seemed to accept the lie he had told.

"Prove that you fellas are together. Otherwise I'll just take ya both like I was plannin'," and he unfastened the ropes binding the wrists of the two men.

Vin moved to whisper in Chris's ear, "I know it's as embarrassin' as hell for ya, Chris, but I figure we kiss a couple times and Ryan'll leave us alone. And I guess you'd rather kiss me than him, right?"

Chris nodded, and before Vin realised, the older man's lips descended on his. Vin's arms involuntarily went around the broad back, balancing against the bulk of his friend. Then he realised how good Chris's tongue felt, exploring his lips, teasing a little, then plunging into the depths of his mouth. It seemed that Vin didn't know all about the man he held in his arms after all. Vin drew back to take a breath, turning to face Ryan as he did so, and Chris wrapped his arms around his friend possessively, pulling Vin's body against his. Vin shivered when he felt the older man's incipient erection press into his buttocks, but faced Ryan defiantly.

"Good enough?" Vin drew strength from the warmth of Chris behind him.

"Well...I believe that ya both can kiss each other. But that might be all that ya do. So..." he cocked his gun, "I figure that you two have gotta give me a show. Ya do what ya always do together, whatever it is, and I won't take ya. If I don't get to have ya, I can at least watch. And if you're lyin', I'll shoot ya and take your friend anyway."

"Oh, hell..." Vin whispered.

"Can we have a moment alone?" Chris asked.

"I'll go to the other side of the fire. I guess that should be enough time for ya to have a little pillow talk," Ryan leered as he did as Chris asked.

"Oh, hell," Vin whispered again.

"Yeah. I gotta admit, Vin, that was one hell of a job of quick thinking, though."

"Did us a whole heap of good, didn't it? Landed us in an even bigger mess."

"No it didn't. Vin, it coulda been so much worse. He's not gonna take us now, and after what he did to Ben...that's gotta be an improvement."

"Yeah, but Chris...oh, hell, you know what I wanna say."

"You wanna know if I've ever thought about kissing you? Hell, yes, Vin. This is not how I'd have chosen for it to happen, though."

"Chris...kissin's one thing, but any more..."

"Vin, have you ever lain with another man?"

"Yeah, once or twice. But Chris...there ain't no way you've ever..."

"Why wouldn't I have?"

"Well...you were married. And from what you said about Sarah, she was the only one you ever loved."

"Well...I've never loved anyone else like I loved Sarah, and I don't think I ever will again. But Vin, you've been out on the trails with men, and surely the time has come when the need for touch overwhelms everything, even the little voice that says maybe it's wrong. I know it did for me and Buck."

"Buck? But he's always with women..."

"Yeah, he likes the ladies. A lot. But...before I married Sarah, we were together for a while. And there were one or two others before him. I even thought about maybe takin' up with Buck again, when we settled in Four Corners but...things just haven't worked out like that. And there's been one other man I've thought about being with. I just didn't know how to bring it up with ya."

"Me?"

Chris smiled, "Yeah, you. I know this ain't exactly how either of us would have chosen, but Vin...I want you, and I don't think you exactly hate the idea if that kiss was anything to go by."

"Chris...I'm not real good at sayin' things...I guess that's one of the reasons I ain't been with many ladies, they like to hear nice things said to them, but I do want ya. Maybe I even more than want ya, but I think we better talk about that part back in Four Corners. But...there's only one of the others that I could say that to, and Buck ain't here and we are."

"Buck?" Chris asked.

"Yeah...I always thought he liked the ladies too much, and you...god...I think I would have said somethin' sooner or later. I just never figured it would be like this."

"God, Vin, I wish that we didn't have ta do this in front of Ryan..."

"It's one hell of a lot better than the alternative, Chris."

"That's true. I still wish we could be somewhere with a nice large bed, not out here in the open, though."

"I reckon we can make it good, Chris. And...there are things that we can save for the time when we've got that nice big bed. I don't think we can...well, you know," Vin blushed.

"Yeah, that would be kinda difficult," Chris smiled, their deep bond making exact words unnecessary.

"But...Chris, there are so many things I wanna do with you."

"Me too," the older man murmured, moving to take Vin into his arms again.

Ryan's leering tone intruded on their private world.

"I guess you guys talked about what you're gonna do. Just remember...I'm watchin', and if I ain't convinced, I'm gonna take both of you."

"How could we forget?" Vin muttered, too low for Ryan to hear.

Chris didn't answer, he was spreading the blankets of his bedroll so that they wouldn't be on the ground.

"Vin," Chris whispered in his ear, "Ignore him. This is for us. Forget the rest of the world, we're together now, and we'll make it good."

"Okay," Vin murmured, tilting his lips to Chris's.

The kiss was brief, to Vin's moaned disappointment, but the moans soon changed to pleasure as Chris began to unfasten his clothes, kissing each area of skin as it was revealed to his hot gaze.

Vin shivered under the touch of Chris's hands, the long fingers teasing pleasure he'd never known he was capable of out of his sensitive areas, and some that he hadn't known were sensitive before Chris had shown him that they were.

Chris didn't undress Vin completely, even with the campfire it was too cool to be naked in the night air. Instead, Chris pulled Vin's hat and bandanna off, placing them to one side, removed Vin's buckskin coat, and opened the younger man's shirt and pants, revealing Vin's pale skin. Chris's eyes raked over Vin, making the younger man feel more naked than if he had taken everything off, and Vin pleaded with his eyes for Chris to take him.

Chris complied, following the path his eyes had taken with his hands again, causing Vin to moan and shiver under him.

As Chris's tongue found Vin's nipples, licking and sucking each into tight points of almost-pain, his hand found Vin's leaking erection. As Chris spread the fluid leaking from the head over the sensitive skin, Vin's hips thrust into that warm hand, feeling the fingers tighten around him. Chris's other hand moved to caress Vin's tight sac, then the sensitive area between Vin's secret place and the tight sac. Vin bucked up into Chris's hand, the touch finally overwhelming his senses, and he captured Chris's lips with his, shouting his release into his lover's mouth.

Chris gave Vin that slow, sexy smile, the one that always made Vin feel like his pants were several sizes two small, and brought his cream-covered fingers to his mouth to lick them clean.

Vin took his time, re-fastening his shirt and pants, gathering his scattered feelings. But uppermost was the sense of rightness that he felt, and he knew that this moment had been inevitable from the moment his eyes had met Chris's all those months ago.

Then Ryan spoke, shattering the moment of connection.

"Okay, so Larabee can make ya come. But can you do the same for him?"

"Just give me a sec," Vin replied, shortly, enough of his self-preservation instinct coming through the feelings of resentment at having the moment he'd longed to share with Chris shattered by Ryan's presence and keeping him from saying more.

"You don't have to sound so enthusiastic," Chris murmured to Vin, who covered his laugh with a cough. He would have his revenge on his lover...later.

"I am, just...not like this. If he weren't here..." Vin murmured in reply.

"Forget him. I did, I lost myself in you, Vin."

Vin might have been able to do that, if he hadn't glanced over at Ryan.

The sight of the desperado leering, pulling on his erection as he watched Vin and Chris was, to Vin, disgusting.

"Chris...I can't," he whispered.

"Vin...it comes down to the lesser of two evils."

"What???"

"Look, Vin, I know it's awful and embarrassing, but surely you can see that it's one hell of a lot less awful if you and I just ignore that animal and be together. I don't think I could stand it if he took you."

Those words were probably the only words that could have changed Vin's notoriously stubborn mind. For Chris, he could ignore Ryan. And it wasn't as if he didn't want Chris. If that had been all, it would have been such an easy night. Still, at least they would always remember it, he grinned to himself as he kissed Chris, tasting the sharpness of his own flavour on Chris's lips and tongue.

Vin busied his fingers on the buttons of Chris's shirt and pants, kissing his lover deeply. He loved the sound of Chris's moans as he touched the other man's sensitive areas, and smiled around the nipple he had in his mouth as his tongue laved the puckering brown skin, causing Chris to grind against him. Vin noticed a chain around his lover's neck as he moved his mouth on Chris's stiffening flesh, but he was too interested in Chris's responses to notice much else.

"Like that, cowboy?" he whispered.

Chris's only answer was to push his head against the sensitive flesh, and Vin responded by biting gently. He slid a hand between them, finding Chris's hard fullness, and began stroking his lover gently, then more insistently as he found a rhythm that made Chris buck his hips. But it wasn't enough, Vin realised. He wanted to taste his lover. So he kissed his way down Chris's stomach and took the leaking erection into his mouth, tasting the sharp fluid that beaded on the column of flesh. It didn't take long for him to find the rhythm again, Chris's hips thrusting his hardness into the welcoming heat of Vin's mouth. A few pulls with Vin's lips, coupled with his fingers massaging Chris's tight balls, and Chris was yelling his release to the open air.

Just as the last shudders left Chris's body, Vin licking up the last drops of his release, they heard the gunshots. Chris managed to button up, rather haphazardly, and they looked up, to see a sight that was more welcome than any they could name right then.

Of course it was the other five members of the Seven, Buck, Ezra, Nathan, Josiah and JD.

"You guys...all right?" Nathan asked, hesitantly.

"Just fine," Chris bit out, not able to say more. Not that he blamed any of the others, but the situation had not brought out the best in him.

"Fine, Nathan," Vin replied, a little less curtly, relief lending a more polite note to his tone.

Ryan was caught, literally, with his pants down, and he was still erect. Chris and Vin almost laughed at the sight he presented, being hauled up by Josiah, but there was still the sense of being humiliated to stop them saying anything.

"Did he..." Nathan trailed off, not sure how to handle the possibility with his friends. It had been hard enough when it was Ben Andrews, who he barely knew, but for it to be his friends, especially Vin, who was much more vulnerable than he appeared to be with his silent loner facade. If Ryan had taken Vin or Chris, Nathan wondered if he would be able to cope with it.

"No, Nathan. He just got us to give him a show instead," Chris replied, sounding strangely detached.

"What...kind of a show?" Nathan asked, puzzled.

"He got us to...well, he gave us a choice. Either we made each other...you know...or he took both of us. And both of us thought that each other would be better than the alternative," Vin replied quietly.

"You mean he made you...with each other..."

"Only after I told him that we were already together," Vin replied, truthfully.

"How'd you come up with that?" Nathan was surprised, but, oddly, not shocked.

"I think we were both trying anything we could to get out of having to take that animal," Chris replied, "And we were lucky enough to find something else."

"What?" Nathan asked.

"That we have been hiding our feelings for a long time from each other."

"You mean you...? Why am I not surprised? There's been somethin' between you two for a long time. I didn't know it was that, but it was somethin'. It's there when you look at each other, I guess. Like me and Rain, or JD and Casey."

"You really think so?" Chris was surprised.

"Oh, yeah. But I don't think it's all that obvious ta anyone who doesn't know ya."

"That's good," Chris grinned, "I don't think we want everyone knowin' about us. I'm not sure I want anyone but the rest of you guys knowin' about this right now."

"What don't ya want anyone but us knowing?" JD asked, coming up to them.

"About Ryan, and what he made us do," Chris replied, looking indulgently at the youngest member of their group, who he looked on as a son almost more than he did Billy Travis. A shiver passed over him at the thought of someone like JD being at the mercy of someone like Ryan, and he murmured a prayer that JD would never know that horror, or even what he and Vin had known. Then again, if it could bring JD what it had brought Chris and Vin...but the loss of JD's innocence would be too high a price to pay, and Chris knew how JD felt about Casey.

Chris shook off the thoughts as Buck came up to him, concerned. He looked into the eyes that had gazed down into his the first time he'd known the pure ecstacy of being with a man, and he felt a shiver of remembered desire pass through him. Buck's eyes acknowledged the memory, but at the question Chris had never been able to ask, even with his eyes, Buck looked away, not able to see it yet, let alone answer it in any way. And maybe it was better to cover those thoughts with words of concern and reassurance now.

"Are you okay, Chris?" Buck asked.

"I will be, Buck. We both will be. And...thank you," Chris added, unable to let Buck go with just the perfunctory words of assurance.

"You're welcome," Buck replied, the same deeper emotion colouring his tone.

The others came up to Chris and Vin, making sure they were all right, or at least as much as they could be, then the group began the short ride back to Four Corners, emotions churning through all of them.

TWO

The group, including Ryan, rode back to Four Corners, Josiah offering to take the first watch at the jail, with Nathan refusing to allow Vin or Chris to take a watch before the next evening.

Vin had no problem, all he wanted to do was sleep, and Chris felt the same. Chris didn't want to ride back to the shack, so he took a room at the saloon.

Inez fussed a little as she saw the exhaustion on Vin's face, and the lack of emotion Chris affected, but she knew that these two men, of all of them, would not take kindly, to put it mildly, to her hovering over them, so she simply allowed them to drink some whiskey as she prepared a room for Chris. Then they were all too tired to do more than head upstairs to sleep.

Vin drifted off quickly, maybe, he would reflect later, too quickly.

Then he was there again, at the campfire, with Ryan leering at him. But, this time, there was no Chris, and he knew that he was about to be violated by Ryan. He felt the hot, offensive breath over his face, and the hands tearing at his clothing.

Then he heard the sound of mocking laughter. Mocking feminine laughter. He wrenched his eyes from Ryan's leer, and saw Mary Travis.

"You didn't think you could really take Chris from me?" the blonde woman asked, in a voice Vin had never heard her use before. A voice that held a note of ugly triumph. Then Vin saw Chris, holding Billy, whose face was buried in Chris's neck.

Vin felt Ryan's hands tearing the rest of his clothes off, and then he screamed as loudly as he could.

That was when he woke up.

"It was a dream. Mary would never..."

But why had he dreamed that?

He knew how Chris felt, and he was certain of his own feelings for the gunslinger. And he knew Mary well enough to know that although she would probably be shocked if and when she found out about him and Chris, she would never be so cruel as she was in the dream.

So why would he dream something so awful?

Vin slowly walked downstairs, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and a glass from behind the bar.

Vin had learned much about dreams during his time with the Indians. The Indian people believed that the dream plane existed in as real a way as the plane they lived their daily lives on, and that it was there that they went when they passed from this existence. It was not an easy plane to visit, though. Often there were no peyote buttons available, or mescal weed, to alter their perceptions enough to find the dream plane, and it was rare, although it had been known to happen, that someone from the dream plane would visit someone on the life plane. It had never happened to Vin, though, and he wondered if it were because he was not an Indian.

Then again, there were some things that you didn't need to be an Indian for, just to open your mind and experience them. One that had gotten Vin through some rough times in his life, especially the whole mess in Tascosa, was his spirit animal.

He still remembered the first time he'd gone on the quest to find her. Korala had warned him that as a white man, he may not even have a spirit animal, and Vin had been surprised to find himself in water. He'd wondered if his spirit animal would be a fish, and had looked around. It was a river, he noticed, and a moment later he caught a flash of movement. Knowing that the first animal he saw, if he saw any, would be his guide, he'd looked more carefully in that direction. He'd smiled. Not a fish. An otter, sleek and beautiful in the water. It had moved through the water as gracefully as a dancer, making it's way to his side. She hadn't spoken to him that first time, but Vin had been overwhelmed by the feeling of peace and love in that sacred place. He hadn't been able to stay long, and he had felt a sense of loss as the spirit world blurred and faded a moment after he'd touched the otter, feeling the damp fur under his roughened fingertips. But it was enough, for the first time.

She had spoken the second time he'd visited her, months later, trying to make the decision of whether to leave the security of the tribe, to go out and make his own way in the world. He wasn't sure he was making the right decision, and he wasn't sure if his hesitancy was because he didn't want to leave the only secure place that he had ever known.

He smiled at the memory of the first words she had spoken to him. She had told him, quite bluntly, to stop being such a coward and that his destiny lay somewhere outside of the tribe.

Destiny...it had led him to this night. To the dream. What could it mean?

Dreams were rarely as simple as they appeared on the surface, that was one thing that had been drummed into Vin from the moment he had begun trying to figure out the meanings of the strange, yet comforting, visions that came into his mind when it was freed of waking concerns.

"Not that this one was simple, exactly," Vin murmured to himself.

"Okay, I'll take the elements and try to figure it out that way. Ryan, a'course, is just the memory of earlier...god, I wonder, if the others hadn't come in time, if maybe he'd'a killed us, or taken one of us anyway?" Vin acknowledged that the thoughts of 'what if' might have been a trigger for the dream.

"Now Mary...I don't think it was about her. No, it wasn't. I didn't like how she was, but it wasn't about that. I hated that Chris wasn't with me. Is that it?"

"Is what it?" a sleep-roughened murmur.

"Chris...ya couldn't sleep either?"

"No, I couldn't. Can't figure it out, I'm exhausted, but after an hour or so of tossing and turning, I thought I'd try a drink or two. I figured it'd pass a bit of the time, if nothin' else. Now what has you so wide awake? You must be as wiped out as I am."

"I just figured out what was wrong, Chris," Vin whispered, "I ain't with you."

"What?"

"I wanna be with you. I wanna sleep in your bed, with you wrapped around me so tight I'm not sure where you end and I start. And I want..." Vin couldn't finish the sentence. He didn't need to, Chris knew what he wanted, what they both wanted.

"Vin...I want ya, so much. But I'm plumb worn out right now."

"That's it, Chris. It ain't just about...that. I mean, I want that, but right now, all I wanna do is sleep with you. I think that's why I can't sleep. I need you beside me."

"I think that can be arranged," Chris gave Vin a tired smile, one that was still full of warmth and caring...and perhaps more, but they needed to get past the emotions that this night still had very close to the surface before they tried to sort them out.

Vin followed Chris up the stairs, the whiskey forgotten as they connected on an unspoken level. It had not been about the liquor at all, both realised.

Vin hesitated for a moment as they reached his room. Chris smiled, and asked him if he'd left it in so much of a mess that he was ashamed to have Chris see it. Vin indignantly replied that he never left his room untidy if he could help it, and without thinking almost pulled Chris inside.

Almost before they knew it, after undressing down to their long johns, Chris and Vin were lying down together, Vin finding that Chris's chest was the perfect pillow for his head, and Chris finding that his arms went perfectly around Vin's slighter body.

That was the last conscious thought either of them had before their exhaustion overwhelmed them.

Vin woke early the next morning, his face burning. He realised that he lay in the path of a sunbeam, and it was hitting him directly in his face. His skin was toughened from his years on the plains, but the heat of the sun bearing down on him constantly was still uncomfortable, especially as he was used to having his face shaded by his hat.

Then he realised that the warm bulk he was pressed tightly against was not the pillow. He wondered for a moment if he were still asleep. It wouldn't be the first time he'd dreamed of waking up like this.

Then Chris moved in his sleep, murmuring a name Vin couldn't make out. He listened more carefully.

"Vin?"

Chris was calling his name. Not Sarah or Adam's, or even Mary Travis'. His. Vin felt a wave of warmth wash over him at the simple, literally unconscious gesture.

Then he heard Chris calling another name. Surely this time it would be Sarah?

"Buck?"

Obviously not. Perhaps the events of the previous night had caused Chris to think of a simpler time, a time when he was with another man.

"And he did say my name first," Vin whispered to himself, settling back down into the haven of Chris's arms, sleeping again after a few moments.

Vin woke to a feeling of pleasant warmth. It took him a moment to realise the source, and he smiled as he felt Chris's fingers stroke the curve of his cheek again.

"Mornin'," he whispered.

"What happened?" Chris asked, stroking Vin's skin again as the younger man realised that it was tingling.

"Just the sun. I guess I never noticed it before...must have been the new pillow," Vin gave Chris a wicked smile.

Chris responded by pulling the younger man to him, plunging his tongue into his mouth in a deep, hot kiss. Then he gently pushed Vin from him.

"What...?"

"We gotta talk, Vin. About Ryan, and other stuff."

"Like the fact that ya called Buck's name in ya sleep?" Vin asked, unable to keep a note of bitterness out of his tone.

"Yeah, that too."

"Okay," Vin acquiesced, getting out of bed, "But there ain't no way I can talk and be wrapped up in your arms at the same time."

"Vin, do you really know what you'd be lettin' yourself in for if we go on with this? The hiding, the secrecy, what might happen if the wrong person finds out?"

"Far as I'm concerned, everyone who matters knows. Nathan, JD, Josiah, Ezra and...Buck," the hesitant note before the last name was noted by Chris, but he had a few other things that he needed to get straight before he got into that subject.

"Vin, you said last night that you wanted me...maybe even more. I gotta know, if we do this, that it's more than just wantin' me. I know you said that you wanted to be with me last night, but that coulda just been reaction to the whole Ryan thing. I know I wanted to be close to someone after that. Not just anyone a'course, but I did feel the need for another person, who might not necessarily have been you. But there aren't that many other people that it coulda been, either."

"Yeah, I need to ask ya about that. Chris, do ya still want Buck? I know you said it was over, but the way he looked at you..."

"Vin, I gotta be honest. I think there'll always be a part of me that wants Buck. Just like there'll always be a part of me that loves Sarah. But there's a difference between wantin' Buck and doing anything about it. You see what I mean?"

"Yeah, I think I do. I mean, I want Buck, for what it's worth, but there ain't no way that I'm gonna go after him if I've got you."

"And if I've got you, I won't want to go after him again. So...do I have you?"

"Chris," Vin murmured, looking up into the ice-blue eyes, "I think ya had me from that first look in front of the hardware store."

"Me too," Chris murmured, starting to unbutton his undershirt, "Me too."

"Chris..." Vin's hand stilled Chris's in it's task, "There's one more thing I need to ask ya. Like ya said, there'll always be a part of you that loves Sarah. Are you sure you're ready to go on with someone else? Because if you're not, Chris, we can't start this. Neither of us would survive it whole."

"Vin, we wouldn't be here now if I weren't ready. It's taken a long time for me to realise that Sarah would want me to be happy. If she'd known you, I think she would have liked you."

"I know I woulda liked her," Vin murmured.

"Vin...we could talk about this all day, or we could make love. I know which one I wanna do, what about you?"

"We-ell," Vin drawled, "I've never really been one for talkin' too much, now. So..."

"So?"

"So I guess that means that we make love. I wanna feel you, Chris. Like I said, I wanna wrap up in you so tight I don't know where you end and I start."

Chris didn't reply with words. He leaned over Vin and took that enticing mouth with his once more, tracing the lips with his tongue.

"Vin..." a whisper as Chris was unbuttoning.

"Hmmmm?" distracted, loving.

"I...do you...oh, hell!" Chris exclaimed in frustration, bringing Vin back to what they were doing, or, more correctly, about to do.

"What is it, Chris?" Vin asked, not knowing what had caused this sudden uncertainty in his lover.

"It's...Vin...god, I don't know why I can't ask you this, after everything else we've said."

"You can, Chris. Whatever it is."

"It's...been a long time since I was with a man...with Buck. And...we didn't really talk about this. I guess we just worked it out as it came along, but I don't know how to ask you. Vin...when we...do you want to be in me, or...?"

Vin managed to keep from smiling at this rather incoherent speech as he realised what Chris was asking. Whether or not he took Chris, or the other way around, this was obviously an important question for Chris. Vin didn't really care, but he couldn't say it that way.

"Chris...when I was with others, I did it both ways. I like it both ways. What about you?" a grin, "I can't imagine Buck never taking you."

"No...we did it both ways. And a'course there are other things we can do. So how do you want to do this?" Chris asked.

"Well, I figure we take it as it happens," Vin drawled, stretching the words out so that they sounded like an invitation, "But for the first time...I want you in me, so deep I think you're gonna come out my throat."

Chris swallowed audibly, clearly trying to get himself under control after that husky, low invitation almost pushed him past the point of no return. He had to turn from the look in those eyes, so dark with desire they were almost black, or he would not have been able to stop himself from ending things before they had a chance to start.

Long trembling fingers hesitated on the buttons of Vin's blue garment, as Chris got himself back under control, at least a little. He worked more quickly, wanting to feel Vin again. Last night had not been enough, he wanted to feel Vin's silky, pale skin under his hands, flushing as the younger man became more aroused, his need showing in the blue eyes and the movements of his body.

Chris gasped as he saw Vin for the first time. Although there had been glimpses last night, he hadn't been able to see him well in the darkness, the campfire lending a glow that hid more than it revealed, and the clothes covering most of what he really yearned to see.

Chris had always been a very visual person, he'd loved to watch Sarah as they made love, and even just working around their home, or sitting in front of the fire in the evenings. He knew that his friends, the rest of the seven, wondered why he kept such a watch over them, but he truly just liked to look at them. There was no spark, like there had been with Sarah, of course, except occasionally with Buck, when he would do something, make a gesture or say something, that reminded Chris of the time they were together. But even those sparks were not as intense as the sparks Chris felt with Vin. The sparks that had turned into much more, a fire that could burn out of control if given the chance. Chris drank in the sight of Vin, the skin flushing as Chris had visualised moments ago.

"You're more beautiful than I imagined," Chris murmured huskily, as he searched for something.

"The dresser...third drawer," Vin realised what he was looking for.

Chris smiled as he saw the hair oil. He'd always thought Vin's hair stayed a little too perfectly in place when he rode, and now he knew why. He turned from the dresser, and almost before he knew it, he was lying on the bed, kissing Vin once more. Chris left the teasing, full lips, kissing a trail along Vin's cheek, nipping at his jaw, tonguing the stubble, then finding the lobe of Vin's ear, licking, nipping and biting it, until he knew that one more bite would draw blood. Not yet, Chris decided, he wasn't into rough sex, although sometimes he could get a little out of control. He thought that Vin might like that, but he didn't want to go too far just yet. That could wait for another time, one when they knew each other's bodies well enough to know how far they could go. Chris trailed his lips down Vin's neck, filling the hollow where his pulse beat with kisses, feeling the throbbing increase with each kiss. Then he moved lower, finding Vin's nipples half-erect, and waiting for his touch. He kissed and licked a nub until it was hard and almost painful, then repeated the treatment on the other nub. As he worked Vin's nipples with his tongue, Chris opened the oil unseen, pouring some into his hand. He moved one arm behind Vin, caressing his strong back, feeling the silky smooth skin under his hands, moving lower, finding the soft rounds of Vin's buttocks, then the crease between them Vin shuddered as Chris's slick fingers moved over his skin, one touching his opening gently, then moving inside. Chris added a second finger, scissoring them apart inside Vin, who bucked forward when Chris touched a spot inside him.

"Like that?" Chris grinned, lifting his head from Vin's chest.

"Yes," was all Vin was capable of saying as that was when Chris added a third finger.

Chris kissed Vin's lips once more, drinking in the sweetness of his lover's mouth. He probed and stretched Vin for a little longer, making sure the younger man was open to him.

"Chris, I want to see you," Vin murmured, moving from Chris's arms to lie on his back, waiting for Chris to take him.

"Yes," Chris agreed, moving over Vin, kissing him, probing Vin's mouth with his tongue. Chris slicked more oil over himself, then slowly began inching inside Vin. It didn't take long, Vin was ready for him, and so hot he gasped at the first contact. Soon Chris was buried deeply within Vin. Then he began to move, pulling almost all the way out, then plunging back into those heated depths.

Vin gasped, clutching at Chris's shoulders, kissing him when he was within reach, and almost screaming when Chris captured his erection in his hand, the slickness of the oil that remained causing delicious friction on his hot flesh. The rhythm was fast and hot, and Vin did scream when he began pumping hot white fluid between them, and Chris let out his own deep-throated yell as he found his release deep inside Vin.

As Chris pulled out of Vin's exhausted body, silently thanking Nathan for insisting that they rest today, just before he slipped into sleep, he heard Vin murmur something.

"Sure is a nice way to wake up, cowboy."

A smile spread across Chris's face at the remark, and the affectionate name.

THREE

Vin and Chris slept for a while, wrapped up in each other's arms. They were exhausted from the loving, and from the ordeal Ryan had put them through.

Hours later, Vin stirred. He knew it was getting late, the sun was high in the sky. He smiled down at Chris, still asleep, and noticed that the other man looked younger when he slept. The air of loss and pain was gone. Vin had only seen him like that once or twice while he was awake, and he determined to make Chris look like that awake more often. Vin didn't want to get up, he might disturb Chris, but a sound at the door made him wonder if maybe he should. He didn't want Inez to walk in on them in bed.

Inez...Vin knew he had been semi-attracted to the beautiful Mexican woman, but he had never done anything about it. Buck was attracted to her as well, so much so that he had fought for her honour, and Vin had known, even then, that his feelings for Chris were much stronger than anything he could ever feel for Inez. But she had made it clear that she would not reject Vin if he ever pursued her, and Vin suspected that she felt more for him than she felt for Buck. He didn't want to hurt her, and he also didn't want her to find out about the new relationship between him and Chris just yet. Enough that the rest of the Seven knew about it.

Vin sighed with relief as he saw that it was Nathan. At least he wouldn't be shocked.

Nathan smiled, indicating for Vin to get up. At Vin's signal, he turned, realising that the other men were probably not wearing anything under the sheets. Vin found an old shirt, one that practically swam on him and hit him mid-thigh, covering the essentials. He slept in the shirt on the rare occasions that he wasn't so tired that he collapsed on top of the bed in his clothes. After he buttoned it, he walked over to Nathan, who turned at the sound of Vin's soft footsteps.

"I guess you two have been...uh...busy," Nathan winked at Vin, who promptly blushed a deep red.

"Ya could say that," Vin whispered in reply.

"Not too much so, I hope," Nathan added, "You both need rest."

"Nathan," Vin smiled, "We slept most of the day. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Ya know, Nathan, ya don't seem shocked by all this. I thought you'd all probably, I don't know, not want to know about Chris and me, if anything ever did happen."

"You haven't realised it yet, have you, Vin," Nathan's voice was soft, "We care about you and Chris. If you find what you need in each other, then that's wonderful. We all care about what happens to you and Chris, just like you care about what happens to us."

"Nathan, thank you. I've never had anyone who cared. Not since my mother, and a couple others, but they could never...stay. But with you, it still seems like it's more..." Vin trailed off, the invitation to talk unmistakable.

"There is," Nathan replied, wondering again about the observance of the young tracker. "When I was a slave...the first person I ever loved was a man. He was a lot older than I was, and he kinda took me under his wing, teaching me how to read and some of my healing comes from him too. He was beautiful...big and muscular, kind of like Josiah. We knew we didn't have forever, that each time together might be the last. And one day," Nathan's voice broke, "He was just...gone. I found out later that he'd been sold to another plantation owner. I tried to find him, after the war, but I couldn't. I don't know if he's even still alive."

"But...Rain?"

"I love her." Simple and direct, as Nathan was in everything. "But if he came back...I don't know what I'd do. I really don't."

"I know what you mean. You remember the friend I told you about when we were lookin' for Chanu? He wasn't only a friend...but we knew it wasn't gonna be forever. We were too young. And I know now that it wasn't love. Not like I feel for Chris."

"I'm glad," Nathan answered. "For both of you."

"Thanks, Nathan. I guess I'm findin' out what it's like to have someone care. As somethin' else besides a lover. And even that's somethin' I don't have a lot of experience with."

"You will," came from the bed.

"How are you feeling, Chris?" Nathan asked.

"Too good to tell you," Chris winked at his friend.

Nathan raised an eyebrow. "Okay. You can both get up when you want. But of course you don't have to..." and with that innuendo, he smiled and walked out of the door, leaving a hotly blushing Vin and a half-amused, half-shocked Chris behind.

"I never woulda thought Nathan had it in him to say somethin' like that," Vin moved to pull his buckskin coat on.

"Why do you always wear that thing, Vin?"

"It was a gift..." Vin trailed off, remembering the day he had left the Indian tribe. His former lover had given it to him, and he had rarely had it off since. He did not often get too hot or cold, so he rarely took the coat off. He explained it to Chris.

"I know what you mean. I always wear this chain," Chris brought it out from under his shirt, "Sarah's and my wedding rings. I won't ever take it off permanently...even now. It's not like we'll ever be able to exchange rings in a ceremony."

"Maybe...maybe someday, men'll be able to be together, even be married like men and women can now."

"Maybe, but I don't think it's gonna happen in our lifetime, Vin."

"I wish it could...I'd like to be able to be with you like that. Hey...you weren't wearing the chain last night..."

"I take it off to sleep. And I put it on each morning, unless I'm escorting someone who might...borrow it."

"Oh," Vin replied. Then he changed the subject, as if that was all he had needed to know. "Wanna go downstairs? Much as I like bein' with you, I'm gonna go crazy if I have to look at these four walls for much longer."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Sure, why not? I could use a shot or five of whiskey."

"Couldn't we both?" Vin grinned at his lover, remembering a long-ago conversation over whiskey. Chris had said that he had been thinking about whiskey, then bed, then more whiskey. Vin had wondered for a moment...thought about saying something...but Chris had then asked about the women in Tascosa, and the moment had passed. Vin shared the memory, and was surprised when Chris blushed.

"Yeah, even back then...I wish I'd said somethin'."

"We didn't know...we couldn't know then. Hell, for all ya knew, I mighta shot ya for sayin' somethin', or ya mighta shot me. It's right that it happened like it did. Well...'cept for Ryan a'course."

"I'm half-grateful to him. If nothing else, he did help us to get together. But not that grateful."

"Yeah, me too," Vin agreed as they made their way out of the door.

The rest of the Seven were downstairs in the bar. Buck was blatantly flirting with Inez, and neither Chris nor Vin saw the brief look of pain in his brown eyes as he caught sight of them.

"How are you feeling?" JD asked.

"Fine, kid," Vin ruffled his hair and smiled.

JD smiled back, glad to have his friends back with him. He'd been sheltered through his life, his mother had kept him from a lot of the hardships he might otherwise have suffered as the son of a maid...or so she'd thought, and he had never been able to tell her that her efforts had not been enough, as she had thought. It had not been easy attending the school his mother had saved so hard to afford for him, as he had been treated rather badly by the children, who would be cruel in the way only children can be, but he would straighten his clothes, and hide any bruises from his mother. After her death, he had come west, and ended up here, in Four Corners, with these men, who, despite their teasing, were the closest thing JD was ever likely to find to a family. And he hurt when they were hurt, which was why he was so relieved and grateful that Chris and Vin were all right now. The last thing he was concerned about was the new relationship that was apparent in the way the two men looked at each other. It reminded him of the way he looked at Casey sometimes, when they couldn't be obvious about how they felt.

After a few moments of talking with Vin, JD moved to talk to Buck. But before Buck knew he was being watched, JD saw the look of utter loss in Buck's eyes as he watched Chris and Vin.

"What's wrong?" JD asked his friend, knowing that the direct approach was the only one that worked consistently with Buck.

Buck looked around, the table they were at was discreet enough, especially with everyone's eyes on Chris and Vin.

"What do you mean, JD?" he asked, hoping to deflect things anyway.

"The way you looked when you watched Chris and Vin a minute ago. God, Buck, you looked like you'd lost everything you ever wanted."

"That's 'cause I feel like I did," Buck replied softly.

"What?"

"I guess I did keep it a secret. Don't really know why...a long time ago, before he was married, Chris and I were... together for a while."

"You mean like he and Vin are now?"

"Yeah...just like that. I loved him, hell, I guess I still do. But he wanted children, a family...and I loved him enough to let him go to do that. You know, I really did think we'd be able to be just friends forever, especially after I met Sarah and saw how much they loved each other. But when she died...I couldn't stay near him then...I blamed myself for a while, because I talked Chris into staying one more night in Mexico. But I thought...maybe after he's had some time, we might find our way back to each other. But then he started spending time with Mary, and I didn't want to stop him from finding happiness with her. And now he was forced into finding this thing with Vin. Not that I couldn't see it a mile off, but...oh, hell, I just hoped it was my imagination. Or that Vin would find someone else. Or...I don't know what."

"It's not just Chris, is it?" JD asked, having noticed a look in Buck's eyes when he talked of Vin.

"I wondered...maybe if Chris did settle down with Mary, then I could talk to Vin... but they found each other. I should be... I am happy for them, but...not for me, you understand?"

"Yeah, I do," JD answered, not saying any more. There were really no words to be said.

Vin was not as unknowing as he seemed to be, he had seen Buck look at Chris. He didn't know what he could do for the other man...he sure as hell wasn't giving Chris up, even for Buck, and he couldn't think of anything else. He supposed that he would just have to hope that Buck would be able to turn to Inez, and eventually forget Chris. Vin deliberately shut out the small voice that taunted him with the question of whether he could forget Chris once he had known what it was like to be with him. He knew the answer, unfortunately. Vin jerked from his musings as he felt a warm hand clasp his thigh, the feeling of the fingers on the sensitive skin of his inner thigh tingling where they touched even through the fabric of his thick cotton pants.

Chris deliberately did not look at his lover as he placed his hand on Vin's thigh. It couldn't be seen by observers, the tablecloth hid his activity...a brief, devilish smile crossed Chris's face as that thought crossed his mind...maybe it was time to have some fun with Vin after the intensity of the last few days. Chris began moving his fingers, ever so slowly, over Vin's inner thigh, feeling the softness and the strength below the thick cotton of Vin's pants. Vin's breathing quickened imperceptibly as Chris's fingers touched him.

'Damn, the man's only gotta touch me, an' I'm so damn hard I'm about to bust,' Vin thought, although outwardly he seemed as calm as he ever did.

Chris was completely calm...on the surface. Underneath he was laughing and becoming more aroused every moment, but he was able to keep a rein on both. His fingers moved slowly up Vin's thigh, squeezing and caressing the tender flesh. He could hear the gradual increase in Vin's breath, the tracker anticipating something he wasn't sure would be coming, or if he wanted it to. It would be, though. Chris had no intention of letting Vin off the hook now that he'd discovered how much fun it was to touch him in public. Unless Vin made it obvious that he really wanted him to stop, of course. Chris didn't want to do anything that Vin didn't want...just something that he might not think he wanted at the time.

Vin's knuckles were white on the edge of the table as Chris's hand moved further. Vin let out a gust of breath...an almost inaudible groan...as Chris's hand stroked the heat between his thighs at last. He then nearly let out an audible groan as Ezra joined them, and began telling them of last night's card game.

Chris could feel the tension in Vin's body, and it wasn't all unreleased desire. Still...Ezra would make a damn good cover for his activities...and it would be fun to watch Vin squirm...lots of fun, actually.

Vin was lost in a sea of emotions. Chris's touch was driving him wild, but they were in an awfully public place. It wasn't that that bothered Vin so much as the overwhelming need he had to make sure Chris knew how good he was feeling. So he looked deeply into Chris's eyes, the ice blue almost flinching from the heated midnight blue and licked his lips discreetly.

Chris felt a wave of desire flow through his body. Vin was getting into this, and he was enjoying it more and more. He willed his insistent erection away, he could wait. This was for Vin...and himself in a different way. He was finding it strangely exciting to be the only other person who knew what was really going on under the table. On that thought, he pressed harder against Vin's groin, feeling the erection beneath his fingers become hotter.

Vin couldn't remain still any longer, he thrust into those teasing fingers.

Ezra noticed Vin's movement, although of course he had no idea of the truth.

"Are you all right, Mr Tanner?"

Vin was surprised that he could even find his voice, but he managed to answer.

"I'm fine, Ezra. Just a bit of lingerin' soreness from the trail."

The gambler accepted that and began regaling Vin with more tales of poker techniques.

Vin kept up a façade of nodding and agreement, although, unknown to Ezra, his murmurs of yes were really intended for Chris's ears.

Chris didn't let up on the stroking, he could feel the flesh under his fingers thickening and swelling. Then he felt the tremor that he'd felt the night before, and earlier today, the tremor that signalled Vin's climax. One more stroke, and he could feel the hot wetness between his fingers and on Vin's pants.

As he climaxed, Vin knew he couldn't groan...not yet. He managed to keep up the pretence of listening to Ezra, and he realised, dimly, that the story Ezra was telling was funny. He laughed, and as his laughter became louder, he was able to slip in a groan of unmistakable pleasure, at least unmistakable to the man giving him that pleasure.

"I'm glad you found that story so amusing," Ezra smiled at Vin, completely oblivious to the fact that Vin couldn't say what the story was about if he tried.

"It just struck me that way," Vin replied, "Could even be a delayed reaction to that whole Ryan thing...I heard about that happenin' to people who go through somethin' like that."

"Hmmmm..." the gambler replied, not sure what Vin meant, and not sure that he wanted to know.

Vin slumped back in his chair, the release leaving him limp. A few moments later, he was able to raise his eyes to look at his lover.

An unspoken message flickered between them, and Vin spoke to Ezra.

"We...Chris and I...we got somethin' we need to take care of."

Ezra smiled, knowingly, thinking he knew what it was.

"Of course. I think I shall teach Mr Dunne the finer points of stud poker. He probably thinks it's when Mr Wilmington plays. Goodnight, gentlemen...and don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"That leaves us a lot of room, doesn't it, Ezra?" Vin replied.

The gambler didn't answer...Vin didn't think he'd even heard him.

Chris was too impatient to wait any longer. He was so hard, it threatened to burst the buttons on his tight pants.

"You're gonna have to walk in front of me, Vin. At least you can cover up with that coat of yours...but I can't cover this. That'll teach me to leave my duster upstairs..."

"Okay..." Vin was glad that Chris couldn't see the look of devilry that crossed his face as he thought of a 'lesson' he could teach Chris...he had been trying to think of a loving revenge for the earlier devastating release.

Chris had a quiet word with the barkeep to Vin's thinly disguised impatience. He wanted to get out of these clothes, he murmured to Chris.

The moment they got upstairs and out of sight of the bar patrons, Vin pushed Chris against the nearest wall. Chris protested, wanting to wait till they got to the bedroom, but Vin's murmur, "Ya didn't give me a choice," stopped him. Vin rubbed his body against Chris's, feeling the tension in the other man. Unlike Chris, Vin took pity on his lover, kneeling between the strong legs and taking the bulge beneath the black denims into his mouth. Chris was a little worried that someone might see them, but after that mouth touched him, he stopped thinking. Vin knew it wouldn't take much, he suspected that Chris had been almost as aroused as he was earlier, and as he thought it, Chris stiffened, and Vin felt his release spurt through the denim. Chris slumped back into the wall, and Vin moved to hold him, knowing how boneless the release would have him feeling.

They slid down the wall, uncaring now if anyone saw them. Vin took Chris in his arms, allowing his lover the time he needed to come back to himself. When Chris raised his head to look into Vin's eyes, the laughter that both had kept back, except for Vin's hysterical outburst at Ezra's story, bubbled to the surface.

"Oh, god, I needed that," Chris murmured, "The whole thing with Ryan was just so damn serious...I needed to lighten up, you know?"

"Yeah, but next time you get a bright idea like that, warn me!" Vin replied.

"I'll try," Chris replied, looking completely unrepentant, "But I just came up with it on the spur of the moment."

"Guess I can't complain about that too much. Ugh, I really need to get out of these," Vin added, pulling his pants from his groin.

"You know what I want right now?" Chris murmured into his ear.

"What?" Vin was preoccupied with his discomfort, "It sure can't be that just yet. Even you gotta have some recovery time."

"A nice big tub of hot water, with you in it. Which will probably be falling all over us if we don't get to the room now."

"So that's what you were talkin' to the barkeep about. Good idea," Vin grinned.

"Yeah, but you get some damn good ideas yourself, pard... I'd'a never been able to stand waitin' till after we had a bath. Let's go," Chris finished, pushing Vin gently up.

They walked to Vin's room, where they could be more comfortable than the hard floor.

And neither of them suspected that their activities had been audible through the wall they had been leaning on. Or that inside that room Buck Wilmington was feeling the devastation of loss once more. Even the release he had been unable to control on hearing Chris's sounds of pleasure had not brought him relief.

FOUR

Vin couldn't sleep. Even after a long, relaxing bath with Chris, that had turned surprisingly erotic...the feeling of Chris's skin against his, the warm water, and the feelings so newly discovered had combined to make them both needing release once more. Vin had never made love in a bath before, but it had been an amazing experience.

It had certainly tired Chris out, Vin thought, as he glanced at his soundly sleeping lover. Lover...it was still new, but right. Yet there was still the feeling of something...missing? Not acknowledged? Vin didn't know, and it was this lack of knowledge that kept him from finding sleep. Vin turned once more, and mentally cursed as he hit Chris's leg and Chris stirred. If he woke the other man he would never forgive himself, it was so rare for Chris to relax completely. There was only one thing he could do, as his body seemed so determined not to relax enough to allow him sleep. He would have to get out of bed, so as not to disturb Chris.

Vin sighed, it was going to be a long night...

Vin remembered what he used to do on the nights he couldn't sleep in the Indian village...he hadn't done that for a long time now he thought about it. The last time had been...in the Seminole village, when he'd first wondered about Chris, but he hadn't had enough time to find out anything then...he hadn't said so to Chris, but that was one of the reasons that he hadn't said anything in the saloon that night soon after.

Maybe what he needed was to go on a vision quest.

Vin had learned the difficult task of reaching the dream plane without using peyote or mescal. It was not easy, but he could do it. All he needed was his medicine bundle.

Vin quietly opened the drawer he kept the hide-wrapped bundle in, and he undid the ties, spreading the paraphernalia of his quest on the small piece of hide, laying it in front of the area he had chose to sit on.

Vin removed the shirt he'd slipped on to sleep in, and sat cross-legged on the floor.

He closed his eyes and began the chant.

"Akoochemoya...I am not so far from my homeland, but I seek advice and wisdom from the spirits. Please allow me their counsel..."

The darkness behind his eyes intensified until it was a complete absence of colour and light, then there was a pinprick of light, increasing until the light was so bright that Vin flinched from it.

As his vision cleared, he realised that he was there again. It had worked. Vin had honestly not known whether it would or not, it had been a long time since he had learned to do this.

Vin heard the splashing of the river that he sat on the bank of...that was unusual, he was usually in the water, at least in the beginning...perhaps it was the change of location in the outside world...

//no, it is not...// a whisper, not aloud, but across his mind. One that he knew very well.

//you came...//

//always//

//thank you...I can ask, then?//

//ask, but you may not receive answers//

//don't know if I expect 'em//

//perhaps you will receive them, then//

//why aren't I in the water?//

//the answer is part of the questions you will ask//

//should I start?//

//when you wish//

//is it right for Chris and me to be together?//

//when one must take the lesser of two evils, one may overlook the third choice without knowing//

//huh?//

//is there not another to consider?//

//what do ya mean? Inez?//

//sometimes you may think it is one that you need, but it can be more than one//

//but...Chris sure ain't attracted to Inez. I asked him once, and he said that he liked her fine, but if there were any woman in town...Mary?//

//the answer is in the question//

//what answer?//

//the answer you are seeking//

//it is Mary?//

//no...the answer you are seeking is in your question//

//what the hell? Chris ain't attracted to Inez, and I know I ain't attracted to Mary, not really, I mean maybe if she asked...is it the any woman part?//

//think carefully//

//not a woman...another man?//

//think more, it will be clear to you//

//Buck...but I can't give Chris up for him...much as I care about Buck//

//would it have to be giving up?//

//it ain't gonna happen//

//follow me//

Vin shook himself from the lethargic state the cryptic conversation had left him in.

The otter led him to a stand of trees.

//what do you see?//

//trees//

//what else//

//they're in groups...one of two, then one off by itself. That one looks like it's gonna die. There's another group of three, but one's died and the other two look like they're...I don't know...ashamed to be near each other. There's another three that are growin', kind of, but not really close together. And there's a group of three that are growing strong, tall and proud//

//what does it say to you?//

//the two, with the dying tree...that's me and Chris now, with Buck dyin'...maybe not actually dyin', but feelin' like he's gonna. I know that feelin'. The one with the dead tree and the other two ashamed to be near each other...that's what's gonna happen, ain't it? Or maybe if we go off alone, the three that ain't close together are what's gonna happen. But the three growin' strong, tall and proud...I don't know how that's ever gonna happen//

//look at how the last three are growing//

//they're together...so close ya can't really tell where one ends and another begins. Kinda like the two that are together with the dyin' tree//

//could you not be as close as three as you are as two?//

//Chris and me and Buck? I don't know...//

//do you not care? Is that not why you cannot rest?//

//yeah, I care about Buck, and I would do anything...'cept give Chris up, a'course...to help him. But the three of us? I don't know...//

//is love not increased when it is shared?//

//even if I wanted to...and I don't know if I do...could Chris and Buck ever bring themselves to do this? And I don't even know if Chris would want to//

//remember what he said the first time you were together//

//that he thought about getting' back with Buck?//

//it was more than thought. He did not want to tell you that//

//but...I told him that I found Buck attractive too//

//yes, you did...but is that all?//

//what do you mean?//

//what are your true feelings for the other two?//

//I love Chris. That much I do know. And I don't wanna hurt him in any way. Buck...I care about him...maybe I could love him, but I don't know//

//if you feel that you could do something, you can do it. You know that//

//but how? How can I do this?//

//it will have to be you that binds the three of you together. The other two would wither and die eventually if you did not bring them together again//

//that's not gonna happen. I don't care what I've gotta do to make sure it happens, but I'm gonna make sure that the three of us don't lose what we can have together//

//that is the answer you sought//

//thank you//

//it was there, it just needed to be brought out //

//why wasn't I in the water?//

//I could not have shown you the trees from there//

//of course//

//until we meet again//

A moment later, Vin's eyes opened, and he was back in his bedroom. It was much later, the faint light of pre-dawn was showing in the cracks around the windows.

Still, he breathed a sigh of relief at knowing what it was that had had him so unsettled, although the knowledge was barely the tip of the iceberg, of course. Still, there was nothing he could do about it right now, so getting some sleep appeared his best option for the next few hours. Vin yawned and climbed into bed beside Chris, shivering a little as he realised how cold it was. Of course, his nakedness might have something to do with that, he mused as he slipped the shirt over himself again, and snuggled into Chris's warmth. In his sleep, Chris reached an arm out to pull Vin closer, and that was the last thing Vin felt before slipping into peaceful oblivion.

Vin woke to find himself alone. His first thought was of his decision the night before. He knew that there was one thing he would need to do before he spoke to Chris. He would need to make love to Buck, alone. He needed to know if his feelings for the other man were, or could grow to be, as strong as his feelings for Chris, and, he admitted to himself, he needed to know that Buck wanted him as well, that it wouldn't just be a case of Buck accepting him because he had to to have Chris again.

All Vin needed to do was to figure out a way to be alone with Buck for long enough, and then get Buck to be with the man Buck thought of as his best friend's lover. Vin was going to try to keep from telling Buck that he wanted it to be the three of them for as long as possible, so he could know that it was genuine feelings that motivated Buck, and not just wanting Chris, so he couldn't bring up the three of them before he was with Buck, or at least not in the beginning, just in case Buck would do that. He didn't think Buck would do that to any of them, but knowing how strong feelings could cloud judgement, Vin knew that he couldn't take the chance. If Buck didn't have feelings for both Chris and Vin, it could never work between the three of them.

Vin's thoughts were interrupted by Chris coming back into the room with a tray.

"I told Inez you were still feelin' under the weather, and she insisted I bring breakfast up to ya. How do ya get all the ladies, Inez, Miss Nettie, Mary and even Casey would probably check you first if she knew JD was okay, to be so darn concerned about you?"

"You tell me and we'll both know," Vin replied, as the situation mystified him also.

"Prob'ly their motherin' instincts...I know there's a part of me that just wants to protect you from the world, Vin. I know I can't, but I want to. And it's not 'cause you can't take care of yourself, either."

"I know, Chris. I want to do the same for you," and Buck, Vin realised.

"Let's eat before this stuff gets cold," Chris suggested, removing the covers from plates of eggs and bacon.

They ate quickly, the sharp flavour of the bacon causing them to gulp the coffee, the smooth slickness of the eggs going down their throats easily. A small amount of yolk dripped from Vin's fork to his chest. He made to wipe it off, but his hand was stopped by another.

"Let me..." Chris murmured before bending to lick up the yellow substance. Vin shivered as Chris's hot, wet tongue cleaned him, and he could feel his loins stirring.

"Hmmmmm..." Chris smiled, teasingly, "I'd think you liked that...but you haven't said anything yet..."

"Ya know I like it Chris...ain't ya figured that out yet?"

"It's always nice to hear, though," the older man smiled as he set the tray aside.

"You know me, Chris. I ain't much for talkin'. But I got a lot of other things I could show ya that I can do with my mouth," and to Chris's surprise, Vin pulled him down onto the bed, kissing him deeply.

Chris struggled for a moment, and Vin pulled back.

"Ya okay, Chris? Don't - don't ya want to...?"

"I'm fine, and yes, I do want to. It's just a bit easier to take off these pants standin' up. I guess maybe I should wear them not so tight around you."

"Ya can't do that. What would I look at when I ride behind ya?" Vin smiled wickedly at Chris's shout of laughter.

The laughter turned to a look of passion that took Vin's breath away as they removed their clothes.

"You are so beautiful, Vin...I never thought I'd find someone that I could love again, and then I didn't think I could ever be with you. I feel...god, I can't even describe it."

"Me too, Chris," Vin answered, "Me too."

Chris lay back down beside Vin, just touching his young lover here and there, evoking moans and shivers. Vin, hesitant, began exploring the other man.

"Keep going," Chris invited huskily, allowing Vin to slide on top of him.

"You know, Chris, ya keep saying that I'm beautiful, but you're like somethin' out of one of those Greek stories Ezra keeps talkin' about. Ya know, like Hercules, or Ares or Cupid, one a' those gods."

Vin delighted in the flush that spread across Chris's skin, all the way down to his toes. Then he amused himself by following the trail as exactly as he could, avoiding a few areas that seemed rather in need of attention.

"Viiinnn..." Chris groaned as he avoided the other man's chest, nibbling on his shoulders instead. Vin knew Chris was ready for more, and he gladly moved over his lover's chest, tasting the sweat that beaded on the tiny hairs, then moving to lave his tongue over a sensitive nipple. "Oh, yessss..." Chris groaned as Vin took the other between two fingers, making it harden, then changing nipples, pinching the first as he laved the second.

"Chris...do ya want me?"

"Vin...yes, I want you inside me, please. And hurry!"

Vin smiled, he had no intention of hurrying, and he knew that his lover would not like it if he did. He began licking his way down Chris's stomach, long sweeping strokes of his tongue leaving trails of moisture that seemed to burn on Chris's hot skin. After a few moments of playing with Chris's stomach, Vin moved lower, tracing the outline of the muscles, then dipping into the hollow of his navel. He could feel Chris's erection bump against his chin, and with no further thought he plunged his mouth over it, taking it in to the root. Chris cried out as Vin's tongue began moving over him with the same long sweeping strokes he had used earlier. He cried out more loudly when Vin inserted a finger inside him, covered in oil. He had been too out of it to notice that Vin had opened a drawer in the bedstand...he wondered for a moment if Vin always kept oil with him, but as he caught a faint scent, he realised that it was the jojoba oil Vin used on his hair, a scent that had always aroused him, and was doing the same for him now. Chris thrust into the haven of Vin's mouth, feeling Vin add a second finger, stretching him carefully, and finding the swelling inside him that never failed to drive him wild. Vin added a third finger, stretching Chris to make sure he was stretched enough, then he slicked some oil over his own hardness.

"Vin...I want to see ya, the first time."

"Good," Vin murmured as he eased his way on top of Chris, his erection nudging at the opening Vin had so carefully prepared. Vin wasn't prepared for Chris to bear down on him quickly, taking him deeply inside, and he couldn't suppress the groan that erupted from his chest if he had wanted to. Vin was taken by surprise, but he soon found himself establishing a rhythm. Chris pushed toward him, he plunged into Chris, and a moment later, he took Chris's erection into his hand, stroking the hot flesh as he moved in and out of Chris. Vin was so close, it was only a few minutes later that he was shouting, emptying himself inside the receptive body below him. His hand on Chris brought forth the release of the other man, and Chris cried out as the feeling enveloped him.

Vin slipped out of Chris.

"I hope you ain't gotta ride today," Vin murmured.

"Not that I know of. I'm gonna take the town patrol today."

"Okay. I gotta ride out past Miss Nettie's."

"Give Miss Nettie and Casey my best," Chris grinned, knowing that Vin would not pass by the Welles place and not visit.

"Always, Chris, but I think you get that."

"Me too, Vin. I love you."

"I love you, Chris," Vin answered, wondering how the hell he was going to convince this man that another should be with them. He would deal with that when he had to, he felt that it would be much easier to deal with Chris once he had Buck to back him up.

The End
Next story: Figuring it Out