This fic is a sequel to Farad's marvelous, Men Who Value Integrity. Thank you, Farad, for graciously allowing me to write this and post it.
Vin hadn't lit the lamp when Chris stepped into the cabin. He hadn't got out the food. Chris frowned. Vin was just standing by the stove staring out the window. The lamp sat on the table just beyond him and Chris squeezed past him in the tiny space that was the kitchen area of his house. He lifted the glass off the lamp and reached into his pocket to get a match so he could light the wick.
"Leave it," Vin said, but didn't turn away from staring into the dark.
Chris's eyes narrowed, but he dropped the match back into his pocket. He sat the glass back onto the lamp carefully. "You got something you want to say?"
"I been shared before," Vin said quietly. "Long time ago, musta been nigh on ten years or more, now."
Vin wasn't all that old now. Ten years ago, he'd have been just kid, Chris realized. He started to say something. What he wasn't sure, but Vin held a hand up, stopping him. Chris wished Vin would look at him, so he could read those eyes.
"Wasn't my choice," Vin said flatly. "But, I made a promise, that I wouldn't never be again. And, I ain't. Not 'til now. But, I'm telling you plain, Chris, it ain't gonna happen again.
Vin looked at him then, full in the face. Those eyes that Chris had wanted to read were hard and cold. "I ain't gonna be shared and I ain't gonna share. You want that, you find somebody else."
"Vin, I'm sor-" Chris began.
"You shut the fuck up!" Vin closed the distance between them and pushed Chris up against the wall. "Just shut up. I didn't tell you so you'd be sorry for me," he hissed. His hands twisted hard in Chris's shirt. Every line of his body radiated tension. His eyes were no longer cold. Now, they blazed with anger. "Much as I care for you, I ain't gonna take that. Not from you." Vin's eyes locked with Chris's.
"Alright," Chris said, holding Vin's look. "Why did you tell me?"
"I told you so you'd know," Vin said quiet again.
His hands loosed the folds of Chris's shirt and slid down to wrap around his own middle. The anger bled out of his eyes and Chris recognized resignation. Vin would accept whatever Chris decided. If Chris said no, then that's how it would be. Chris reached out and cupped Vin's cheek. His thumb stroked gently across the tanned skin. "Know what?" he asked his voice as soft as Vin's.
Vin's eyes closed and his body swayed closer to Chris's. His face turned just a fraction toward Chris's hand. "Wanted you to know how it's gotta be," Vin murmured. He turned his head enough to kiss the palm of Chris's hand. Then he pulled away from Chris and stood tall and the softness fell away from him. "You don't want that, you say so," Vin said. "I won't hold it against you." His voice was strong and his eyes were clear. "We walk away from this and stay friends. I'll watch your back, same as always."
"Just like that?" Chris asked.
"Ain't just like that, Larabee," Vin said. "Just the way it's gotta be." He pulled away from Chris and reached up to the rough hewn mantle and found the whiskey bottle that was always there. He poured a generous amount in both of the battered tin cups that were always there. Vin took up his own cup and walked out the door of the house into the darkness.
"Fuck!" Chris swore and started after him, but not before grabbing up his own cup. Vin was standing on the porch, leaning against the rail. Chris put a hand on Vin's back, high on his shoulder. He was more relieved than surprised when Vin didn't shrug it off.
"Alright then," Chris said softly and let his hand drop off Vin's back. He settled against the rail beside Vin, and sipped his own whiskey. They stayed that way, long after the whiskey ran out. Both men would have liked more, but neither one of them wanted to move, not wanting to break the fragile peace they'd found.
It was Chris who finally spoke. "It'll be what it's gotta be," he said.
"Don't say so, 'less you mean it," Vin said, turning toward Chris.
Chris turned to face him. "I don't say things, I don't mean, Vin. You know that."
Vin searched his face looking for the lie and knew it wasn't. "Reckon I do," he said and moved into the arms that opened for him, and then closed around his back, warm and strong, and most of all safe.
Chris kissed Vin's forehead and then his lips found Vin's. He kissed him, small closed mouthed pecks at first, before his tongue traced around Vin's lips, asking for entrance, where once he would have demanded. Vin's mouth opened to him and his tongue searched out each familiar place. He kissed Vin slow and deep, not quite sure how he could want him so much again so fast. And, he did want Vin again, but slow and easy in the too small bed that they shared when they were here together.
Vin broke the kiss first. He leaned close to Chris's ear. "Light's still on in the barn, Cowboy. Don't much feel like puttin' on another show," he whispered. He pushed back from Chris. "And, I'm hungry," he said, just as his stomach growled.
Chris couldn't help but laugh. "Best be feedin' you," he said and the two of them went into the house.
This time, Vin did light the lamp. They moved around the kitchen, setting out the food and then eating without a word. Occasionally, one of them would touch the other, just a small touch, reaching for the salt, or another piece of bread. They cleaned up in silence, as well.
When the crumbs were wiped and the dishes rinsed and drying in the sink, Chris turned the wick on the lamp down as low as it would go, and still let them see clear enough not to walk into things. Without a word, Vin moved over to the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. He was on his third button, when he was startled to find Chris standing in front of him. Chris reached out and pushed Vin's hands away from the button.
"Mine," Chris said. He undressed Vin as carefully as if he was made of glass. Vin reached out to return the favor and Chris pushed his hands away. "No," he said softly. "Just let me do this." He covered Vin's mouth, when it seemed Vin might protest. "Please," Chris whispered.
Vin closed his eyes and shrugged.
Chris laughed. "I promise, you won't be sorry," he said and kissed Vin quickly.
Vin's soft smile was his reward.
Chris finished stripping off Vin's shirt and then unbuttoned the top of his union suit. He slid the faded cloth down off Vin's shoulders and left it hanging behind him. He paused to kiss Vin's shoulder, before whispering, "Sit on the bed."
Vin did as Chris had asked, and Chris crouched down beside him and lifted first one foot and then the other and pulled his boots off. He peeled Vin's socks off and kissed each ankle as it was exposed. He was pleased to hear the hitch Vin's breath took, and to feel the shiver that ran through Vin. He chuckled softly, delighted that even after Vin had already came three times today, and Chris could still get this kind of reaction out of him.
"What's so funny?" Vin practically growled. He wasn't sure what the joke was, but he didn't like the idea of being the butt of it.
"Nothing," Chris said, and kissed him deep. He unbuttoned Vin's pants while he was kissing him and pushed them, along with the union suit down past his ass. He pushed Vin back down on the bed and knelt beside him and took hold of his pants and underwear and pulled them off. He stood up and looked down at Vin, appreciating Vin's nakedness. He cupped Vin's chin with his hand and turned his face up and bent down to kiss his lover. Vin's arms circled his waist and when Chris pulled back, Vin rested his head against Chris's belly. He held tight to Chris and kissed his stomach through the fabric of Chris's shirt. Chris felt his need rise up high and hard. "Fuck," he swore and disentangled himself from Vin's arms. He hastily stripped off his clothes while Vin watched with a smile that was as much amused as it was aroused.
Chris kicked his pants off, climbing into the bed, even before they were off all the way. He lay on his back, and pulled Vin over on top of him. "Kiss me," he whispered, unwilling to just take anything more from Vin tonight.
Vin leaned down and cupped Chris's face in both hands. "Love you," he whispered, his hair falling around them both as he stretched out over top Chris and kissed him.
Chris pushed his hands through the thick curls and slid them up around the back of Vin's neck. Then his hands roamed down Vin's back and curved around his ass cheeks. He pulled back from the kiss, and his cock throbbed with the small groan of disappointment that came from Vin. "Shhhh," Chris soothed. "Gonna take care of you. Want you like this," he said.
Vin looked at him, eyes soft and lips swollen from his kisses and Chris nearly came at the sight. "Yeah," Vin said and leaned in to kiss him.
They rubbed against one another; the fluids leaking from their cocks making them glide easily. Chris reached between their bodies to add to their pleasure and wasn't surprised to meet Vin's hand there. Vin took hold of both of them and Chris put his hand on top of Vin's. Together, they stroked themselves to the edge. Chris heard his name escape in a hiss from Vin, and felt Vin's grip falter, as Vin came. Chris tightened his own hand around Vin's and with two pulls was coming as well.
They lay together, just trying to breathe for long minutes, until Vin started to move. "Stay," Chris said softly.
"Just wanted to get somethin' to clean us up," Vin said with a smile. "Kinda made a mess.
"Here," Chris said, finding his shirt in a heap on the floor. He thrust the material at Vin. Vin lifted his hips enough off Chris to wipe them both down and then threw the shirt back on the floor. He pulled the blanket up over both of them and settled down on Chris's chest. They lay that way, not talking and not sleeping for a time, until Chris broke the silence.
"Tonight, why did you?" Chris asked. Vin tensed in his arms. "Shhhhh," Chris soothed and stroked down Vin's back until he felt the tension ease. "Just tell me."
Vin kissed Chris's chest over his heart and then pressed his cheek against the same place. "'Cause you almost died today and he saved your life." He shuddered, as if even now, safe in Chris's arms, he felt that same fear as he had in the street. "Reckoned, you was right, I owed him."
Chris closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Sometimes he was a damned selfish bastard. He stopped stroking Vin's back and took hold of his arms. He pushed Vin up, until he could see his lover's startled face. "I want you to listen to me," he said. "And, I want you to hear me." Vin's eyes were wide and curious and just a little afraid. "You don't owe him or anybody else that," Chris said, "not even me."
Vin's eyes went soft. "Reckon you're right about that too," he whispered and leaned in to kiss Chris, soft as a feather. He laid back down on Chris's chest and felt the only arms he ever wanted wrap around him again. One of his hands reached up to clutch at Chris's shoulder. His other hand stroked Chris's chest lightly. "I never did owe nobody that," he said.
"Tell me," Chris commanded.
Vin didn't tense this time. His fingers kept stroking. "I'd been on my own a couple years; I was maybe sixteen or seventeen, just a kid. Hadn't been doin' too well at it. I was hungry a lot. Couple fellas rode into the town I was working in. Had me a job in the saloon, sweepin' up and stockin' the bar. Them fellas was in there every night they was in town. Caught 'em watchin' me a few times. Weren't sure why, 'til one night, one of 'em asked me if I wanted a different job. Said I could ride with 'em when they left, and they'd teach me how to track and hunt. They'd even get me a horse and a gun. I couldn't hardly believe it." Vin's hand stopped stroking and he looked up at Chris. Chris bent his head down to meet Vin's eyes. "You gotta know, Chris, they didn't force me. When they told me later that they wanted me to-" Vin hesitated, trying to find the right words. Sighing, he continued. "Well, I guess you know what they wanted," he said flatly and laid his head down over Chris's heart again. His fingers were still this time. "I reckon when they asked, I thought I owed it to 'em. On account of how good they'd been to me. Guess I didn't think there was much choice, anyway. Everything I had, 'cept the clothes on my back, come from them. I didn't have no way to feed myself or even get myself back to a town, where I could get me another job. Was easier to just go along. And, they never hurt me, Chris. Not once. Just - they just -"
"Shhhh," Chris said and tightened his arms around Vin. "I guess I know what."
Vin shifted until he could wrap both arms around Chris's shoulders and bury his face in Chris's neck. "Reckon you do," he whispered. "Can't do it again, not now, not ever, not even for you," he said brokenly.
"I'm sorry, Vin," Chris said hoarsely. "I'd never have asked it of you, not if I knew."
"Nothin' to be sorry for," Vin said. "Was a long time ago. Wasn't you. I might coulda liked what we done tonight if'n there hadn't been that time." He yawned, "I'm tired, just wanna sleep."
"Sleep," Chris whispered. "I'll watch your back, he added unnecessarily. If there was one thing Vin knew, it was that Chris would watch his back. Chris stayed awake a long time after Vin's soft even breaths let him know Vin was truly asleep.
The Next Morning
Vin was uncharacteristically still asleep when Chris woke. He slid carefully out of the bed, hoping not to awaken his lover. He headed for the outhouse. Rafael was just leading his horse out of the barn when Chris finished. The horse was already saddled and Rafael's bedroll and saddlebags were fastened behind the saddle.
He nodded his head to Chris and Chris walked over to him. Chris took hold of the horse's bridle and stroked its nose.
"I thought it best to be away before he woke," Rafael said, with a nod toward the house.
"Probably a good idea," Chris agreed.
"Perhaps I will ride through here, one day again," Rafael said, with a sly smile.
Chris shook his head. "No point in that," he said and his eyes flicked to the house.
Rafael followed his eyes and the sly smile faded into one somewhere between regret and resignation. "I suppose not," he said and mounted his horse. He waved his hat at Chris. "But, one never knows," he said and laughed and spurred his horse into a gallop.
Chris laughed and shook his head and went back into the house.THE END