Second installment in the Bloody Ghost series.
PART 2
They rode in silence as they headed out of the city and toward Larabee's ranch until, fifteen minutes away from home, Chris finally asked, "You all right?"
Vin nodded, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth. "Yeah."
Larabee studied the younger man's profile for a moment, deciding that the answer had been an honest one. "Even if the woman doesn't make it?" he probed gently. "You know you did everything you could."
Tanner sighed softy as he considered the possibility. "Yeah, I know I did all I could... just wish it could've been more, but-"
"Best we can do is the best we can do, Vin," Chris said, reaching out to rest his hand on Tanner's thigh and giving it a gentle squeeze. "You gave me one hell of a scare today, Tanner."
He nodded. "Would've called y' sooner, but they-"
"I know," Larabee interrupted him. "But when I saw you start across that parking lot..." He shook his head, unable to say anything more. The memory was too raw, too fresh.
"It's over, Chris," Vin said softly, seeing the pain that had leapt into his lover's eyes. "Let it go. It's what you're tellin' me to do."
The older man nodded, knowing he had to do just that, but he wasn't at all sure it would be that easy, even after what had passed between then earlier. Their ardent sex had reaffirmed they both still lived, but it had been so close. Still, the passion with which they'd made love had been... amazing. He'd never felt anything like that before. It was as if he had somehow bound Vin's very soul to him in an entirely new way, and then Tanner had done the same to him.
A small smile curled his lips. It had felt as if he'd somehow owned the younger man and had only been taking what was rightfully his. He wondered if it had been the same for Vin when he'd taken him... Chris shook his head. Today he had belonged to Vin in a way he'd never belonged to anyone, not even to Sarah. He might not understand it, but somehow he knew they had forged their souls together this afternoon, and nothing could ever pull that bond apart, not even death.
The smile faded and he sighed softly. But death could separate them, just as it had stolen his wife and son away from him. He couldn't bear to lose Vin as well. So he promised himself that he'd get the man out of Purgatorio before the end of January. It was just too damn dangerous.
"How much is left in your apartment?" he asked as casually as he could manage.
Vin flash him a wry grin. "Not that much. Mostly the knick-knacks and such. But don't y' think we better talk t' the others b'fore I set up housekeepin' out here? Ain't like they're gonna miss it when all m' stuff all shows up out at your place."
Chris nodded and sighed softly. "Yeah, I guess we'd better do it this weekend." Then he remembered the look in Wilmington's eyes and added, "I think Buck might have figured it out already. Or he's at least suspicious that something's going on."
The look Tanner shot him was half-surprised, half-afraid.
Larabee shrugged. "He's seen me in love before," he said simply. "Seen me fall apart when Sarah and Adam died, too."
Vin swallowed hard. He didn't want to lose any of his friends over this, but if they forced him to make a choice, he knew he'd pick spending the rest of his life with Chris in a heartbeat. He just hoped the others could, and would, accept that. That they'd accept how they felt about each other. He trembled slightly as he remembered the force of their lovemaking earlier. He couldn't abandon that. Not even for the five men he called his brothers. It was what made him feel alive, whole. He loved Chris, they'd have to understand that, wouldn't they?
"It'll be all right," Larabee assured him, squeezing his thigh again when he felt a shudder pass through the man.
Vin nodded, silently praying that Chris was right. They'd find out soon enough.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Out at Larabee's ranch, Buck "supervised" while the remaining agents went about getting the barbecue going for the waiting steaks, putting the potatoes in the oven to bake, and setting out dips, and chips, and other goodies to keep them going over the long evening.
For now, one of the college bowl games played on the big screen television in Larabee's living room. The Christmas tree lights blinked on and off, illuminating the well-decorated tree in the corner of the room. The heater hummed softly, warming the house, and the gas fireplace burned on the stone hearth, casting a cheery glow over the room.
Buck sighed and leaned back in one of the two recliners, the memories of what he'd seen in the Liquor Barn parking lot haunting his thoughts and making it hard for him to concentrate on the unfolding game. He glanced at the wall clock, wondering what the hell was taking Chris and Vin so long, but a small, whispering voice at the back of his mind said he already knew the reason why they were running late, and he was deathly afraid that annoying little voice might just be right.
He chased the voice away.
It couldn't possibly be right. He knew Chris; had known him for almost fifteen years now. Chris wasn't-
Hell, he didn't think Vin was either. But, come to think of it...
No, he'd never seen Tanner with a steady girlfriend. Oh, sure, he'd seen Vin out with a woman every now and then, but never more than two or three times with the same lady and, more commonly, just once. It was far more common to see him stag, like Chris. But Chris made sense. Buck didn't think any woman would be able to take Sarah's place in Chris' heart.
As for Vin, he'd always chalked it up to Tanner being shy around the ladies, but what if he'd been wrong?
He hadn't seen Vin out with a lady-friend in what? Months now?
Buck frowned. Why hadn't he noticed that before now?
He pondered that.
Because he's been actin' happy; like a guy who's gettin' everything he needs to make life good at home.
Oh my God...
The ladies' man huffed out a breath, his cheeks puffing as he did.
"Buck?" JD questioned. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine, kid," he replied distractedly. It was just too damn unbelievable to accept. Chris and Vin? Together? There had to be something else going on here. Maybe Vin had found someone there in Purgatorio. But he'd have to know they wouldn't care if she was a Latina - look at the way they all worshipped Inez - so it couldn't be that.
But what about Chris' reaction today?
He thought. Maybe Vin had gotten into some kind of trouble down in Purgatorio, and he hadn't shared it with the rest of them. He'd probably talk to Chris about it, even if he wasn't ready to tell the rest of them about it. He had to admit that Chris and Vin were about as tight as two guys could get. And that would explain Chris' reaction in the parking lot, wouldn't it?
If Larabee knew there was some trouble brewing for Vin in Purgatorio, and then he heard that news report, and then he saw Vin covered with blood like that...
Hell, it had been enough to leave him feeling a little weak in the knees himself, seeing Vin looking like that. But Chris damn near fell apart right there in that parking lot.
Vin had been hurt before. Really hurt a few times in the past, and Chris had never fallen apart like that. The desperation, the pain Buck had seen on Larabee's face today had been heart-numbing. In fact, Chris had looked just like he had when they'd driven up to his burning condo that morning... Christ.
Buck sighed again, this time catching both JD and Ezra watching him. He forced a smile. "Just worried that Chris and Vin are gonna miss out on this feast," he said, hoping it sounded plausible. He wasn't ready to share his suspicion with the rest of them, not yet, anyway.
"Nope," Josiah said, stepping inside with seven hot and dripping steaks stacked on a platter, "they're pullin' up right now. I'd call it perfect timing."
"So would I," Ezra agreed. "Somehow they managed to miss all of the work."
"Yeah, just like usually do," JD quipped, trying to look serious and failing completely.
Standish just rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically.
The men all headed into the kitchen where the food was quickly set out on plates or scooped into bowls which were scattered across the counters so they could all help themselves buffet-style. A few moments later Larabee and Tanner joined them, Vin grinning when he saw that the steaks were done and waiting for them.
"Damn, those look good enough to eat," he said, rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
Buck thought he could hear a forced cheerfulness in the man's voice, but then decided that it was genuine, just like the pain he was so obviously still feeling for the victims of the holdup. Vin was a man who felt things. And, usually, everything he felt was reflected in his eyes. Buck had never questioned that before, but now...
Damn it! Tanner had almost kissed Chris, right there in that public parking lot. Larabee's hand, granted, but he'd almost done it - kissed it. Buck could see the truth of that now as plainly as he could see the food waiting on the counters. God damn, he thought.
If he was right, then everything he'd thought about Tanner over the past two years had been a lie, and that made his heart hurt. It hurt worse when he thought about Chris. How would he have known someone as long as he'd known Chris and not realize that they-
With a supreme effort, he pushed the worry and the concerns away, determined to just enjoy the meal. Maybe the pair would explain. Maybe there was a logical explanation for what he'd seen.
But his little voice refused to be silenced, whispering that there was only one explanation, and he already knew what it was: His friends weren't just friends any more.
The ATF agents filled their plates and bowls, grabbed cold beers from the fridge, and then headed back into the living room. The volume on the game was turned up and, before long, each of the men had settled on the team they were rooting for and the New Year's weekend moved into high gear with shouts, curses, and plenty of good-natured ribbing taking place as they ate, watched the game, and just enjoyed each other's company.
But for Buck it just wasn't the same as it had been last year, because he wasn't sure he really knew one of the men he'd been calling "friend" for almost two years now. Hell, he wasn't sure about Chris or Vin. And he'd been calling Chris a friend for damn near fifteen years!
He had to be wrong. He just had to be. He would have seen something sooner if they were-
Buck killed the thought, refusing to dwell on it right now. Besides, he just had to be wrong...* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
An hour later, their plates were empty and coffee was brewing. Buck and JD were arguing over the outcome of the game, even while they were watching the next one.
Josiah and Nathan were watching them, amused expressions on their faces while they worked on a half-finished jigsaw puzzle that took up most of a small table in one corner of the living room, but they added their opinions as necessary to egg the other two men on.
Ezra was stretched out in one of the recliners, his attention divided between the game playing on the television, the discussion taking place, and the book he was occasionally reading.
Chris and Vin were both on one of the two sofas, Larabee comfortably ensconced in one corner, Tanner stretched out from the other corner, his feet almost, but not quite touching Chris' leg.
The proximity of Tanner's feet to Larabee's thigh niggled at Buck's awareness, but he managed to mostly ignore it, concentrating on the game and his various disagreements with JD.
In a lull, Buck saw Chris glance over at Vin, his expression one the ladies' man was unsure how to interpret. He frowned, all of his uncertainty and worry returning in a rush.
"Buck!" JD snapped at him when the conversation they'd been having came to an abrupt end.
"Huh?" Wilmington replied, feeling his cheeks color slightly. Christ, had he actually been trying to imagine what it would look like if Chris and Vin were-?
Larabee stood just then, saying, "Gentlemen, I'm gonna go grab the coffee."
"Excellent idea," Ezra commented. "It's clear some of us need the caffeine more than others."
Wilmington sprang to his feet, beating Vin, who had just started to push himself up off the sofa to stand. "Why don't I help ya, stud," the ladies' man offered.
JD sighed and rolled his eyes as he flopped back against the smaller sofa where he sat. "Every time I start to make my point, you find something else to do!"
"Well," Buck replied reasonably, "when that point gets a real pointy end on it, then I'll listen."
Dunne rolled his eyes, sighing heavily.
Buck crossed the room, watching Chris and Vin exchange glances again. He wasn't sure if Larabee's expression was wistful or disappointed. Either way, he wasn't too happy about it. He followed the blond to the kitchen.
"Something on your mind, Buck?" Larabee asked him as he pulled down a tray from the top of the refrigerator.
The ladies' man grinned nervously. Chris was nothing if not a man who cut straight to the chase. Straight... Shit. How the hell did he ask about this?
Wilmington took a deep breath and then held it for a moment, trying to decide how he should begin. "Uh, I was just wondering..."
"Yeah?" Larabee questioned, pulling seven coffee mugs from a cabinet and setting them on the tray. He added the sugar and creamer bowls, spoons and the full pot of coffee.
"What happened in Purgatorio today..." Wilmington managed to get out as he watched the man working.
"The shooting?"
Buck nodded. "Yeah... Chris, what's...? What's...?" He trailed off, scared to ask what he really wanted to ask for fear that he might hear an answer he didn't want to hear - namely, the truth.
Larabee stopped and looked up, meeting the ladies' man's eyes. His expression was a little amused, and a little something else, but Buck wasn't sure what that was - challenging, maybe? Angry?
"Just spit it out before you choke on it, stud," Chris told him.
"It's Vin. Is he...?" He squirmed, his hands sliding into the pockets of his jeans, his gaze sliding away from Chris'. "You know..."
Larabee scowled. "What? Hurt? Upset? No, he's not hurt, and yes, he's upset."
"Gay," Buck managed, his voice not much above a whisper. "Is he gay? A homosexual?"
"For cryin' out loud, Buck-"
His chin came up, blue eyes flashing a little. "Answer the question, Chris."
"What if he is?" Larabee rejoined, his anger beginning to mount.
Wilmington's eyes rounded. "You mean he's a f-"
"Be damn careful what you say next, Buck," Chris growled lowly, green eyes flashing dangerously at the man.
Buck's mouth snapped closed and he huffed out a breath through his nose. He held Larabee's stormy gaze as he demanded, "Why didn't he tell us?" feeling half-confused and half-angry himself.
"Probably because he was afraid you'd react just like you are."
"Damn it, Chris, I'm being serious here."
"So am I," Larabee replied, his voice pitched low so it wouldn't carry far. "He's the same man he's always been."
"Like hell he is," Wilmington countered, also being careful not to raise his voice. "Chris, I've set him up on dates, been in the shower with him, held-"
Larabee snorted disparagingly and shook his head, cutting the ladies' man off. "What? You afraid he might've checked you out and decided you came up short?"
Buck opened his mouth to reply, but then snapped it shut again for a moment. "Guess you didn't," he finally hissed.
"No, I didn't."
"Jesus Christ, Chris, are you sleeping with him?" The dark blue eyes rounded once more.
"Maybe he's sleeping with me."
"Oh, come on, Chris," Wilmington sneered, "you're not a homosexual. You were married. You loved Sarah. You-"
"Stop," Larabee snapped harshly, holding up his hand, "right there. This has nothing to do with Sarah."
"The hell it doesn't," Buck retorted. "Chris, you loved her. That was real love, not-"
The blond's face flushed with fury. "Don't you talk to me about love, Buck. Love isn't sleeping with a different piece of ass every damn night."
And it was Buck's turn to flush with rage. "Yeah, well, at least I know who the hell I am."
"So do I," Chris snarled. "And so does Vin."
"You're not gay," Buck asserted once again.
"Fine, call it whatever makes you feel good - bi, flexible, confused - I don't really give a damn. But don't tell me what I felt about Sarah, or what I feel about Vin."
"How long have you two been-?" He couldn't say the words.
"What? Sleeping together?"
The ladies' man paled and he fell back a step, leaning heavily against the counter. "Christ, Chris, you mean you're actually-?" Once again words failed him.
"Fucking each other? Does that make it easier for you?"
"You're-?"
"Yes, Buck, we're sleeping together. And yes, that means I fuck him and he fucks me."
Wilmington turned away from the man he'd thought was his closest friend. But right now, Chris Larabee was a complete and total stranger to him. He shook his head, unable to comprehend how this had happened, how he hadn't seen it sooner. "What the hell has he done to you, Chris?"
"Done to me?" Larabee echoed, his voice rising with ire. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"He mean's the fag must've contaminated y' or y' wouldn't 'a been crazy enough t' let yerself get fucked," a quiet voice answered from the doorway.
Both men turned to find Vin standing at the entrance to the kitchen, his body rigid, his eyes bright with pain and unshed tears.
"Vin-" Chris started, but the sniper shook his head, silencing him. Blue eyes cut to Wilmington.
"Ain't that right, Buck? Us queers, we all got this sick virus we can spread t' any straight man stupid enough t' let us poke his ass with our dicks, turns 'em all into fags, just like the rest of us. Guess it's a good thing I never caught y' in the showers alone, right? I might 'a raped y' and turned y' into a homo, too." Tanner's voice was soft, but intense, his accent more pronounced than usual, and every word was like a sharp knife cutting a path straight though Wilmington's heart.
The ladies' man lifted his chin, his lips pressed into a thin line of anger. He didn't say a word, just marched out of the kitchen, shouldering his way past Vin without a glance.
"Careful, Buck," the younger man hissed as Wilmington passed him, "y' might catch it if y' touch me."
Larabee stood where he was, listening as Buck grabbed his jacket from off the coat tree in the front hallway and then stormed out of the house, slamming the front door closed behind him. It had a ring of finality to it that forced a chill down his spine.
A few moments later and the others were all standing behind Vin, asking where Buck as headed and what was going on.
Chris scrubbed his hand over his face, wondering what to tell them. This wasn't at all the way he'd wanted to broach this with his man. And Buck's reaction wasn't at all what he'd expected from his oldest friend. He'd thought Buck would be happy for him, for both of them. He knew he'd wanted Buck's support, and his blessing.
No, Chris realized, he'd wanted Wilmington to tell him that it was all right, that he deserved to find some happiness after what he'd lost already.
But neither of those things had happened, and he wasn't sure who he was angry at, Buck, for acting the way he had, for saying the things he'd said, or himself, for, God help him, wondering, just for a moment, if Vin had somehow made him gay.
He shook his head and looked across the room to the man who had brought real happiness back into his life. He could see the fear in Vin's eyes, and knew every nightmare Tanner had had about this moment was coming true.
This wasn't going to be nearly as easy as he'd hoped it might be. And Chris had no idea how Vin might handle the rejection he could feel was coming. Goddamn it, he sighed silently. Why can't anything ever be easy for him?* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Three hours later, Chris and Vin were alone in the house, and the Second Annual Team Seven New Year's Blowout Bash ended before it had really even begun. It appeared that Chris and Vin would be ringing in the millennium New Year all by themselves.
Earlier, not knowing what else he could do, Chris had opted to tell the rest of the team the truth.
JD and looked shocked and disgusted, and he'd left almost immediately, with Nathan, who had told them straight out that he didn't believe what they were doing was natural, or safe.
Josiah had looked deeply disappointed, but at least he hadn't condemned them, or the life they had chosen to live together. Neither had Ezra, although he too had looked sad and hurt that Vin hadn't chosen to tell them the truth about his sexual orientation. He and Josiah had been the last to leave.
So, now, the two remaining men sat together on the sofa, silently watching the muted television as a new year, a new millennium arrived in New York City.
Chris shook his head. It was the fuckin' 21st century now. You'd think people would have gotten past all the stupid hatred they had for others who weren't like them. Hell, Nathan ought to have understood that. He'd faced bigots who couldn't see beneath the color of his skin. Wasn't he doing the same damn thing to Vin?
And JD had no right to react the way he had. He'd grown up with gay-straight alliances in school and Will and Grace on television for God's sake!
But none of that seemed to matter, because Vin hadn't told them the truth from the start. He sighed again, this time unable to keep it silent. He couldn't bring himself to blame them for their reactions. He'd reacted much the same way when he'd first heard the truth, but he'd also already been at least half in love with Vin at the time. Learning the truth had helped him explain some things that hadn't made sense before. And, if he was honest, it had made him feel comfortable about making a play for the man.
"Maybe I oughta think about goin' back t' the Marshal's Office," Vin said softly, breaking into Larabee's thoughts. "Y' could keep the team that way... They'll ferget 'bout this if I ain't around t' remind 'em."
Chris reached out and sipped his arm around Tanner's shoulders, pulling him close. "No," he said quietly. "Besides, I'm not giving you up, and they'd know we were living together out here."
"I could look for an openin' back in Texas-"
"Vin, I've already lost someone I loved more than anything in the world. I can't go through that again. If the team falls apart over this, then it falls the hell apart, and they aren't the men I thought they were. But I want you to hear this, loud and clear: No matter what happens, we're in this together. I love you, and that hasn't changed." He offered the younger man a small smile. "Hell, I guess if we have to, we can always go hunt down bounties together for a living."
Vin gave a shaky laugh at that. "Hell, Larabee," he said softly, "you're gettin' too damn old t' be chasin' after bounties."
"Oh, I am, am I?" the blond challenged, wrestling with Tanner until he had him down on the sofa and was kissing him with all the love and passion that he felt for the man. And Vin responded, melting into the kiss, savoring it, drinking in the love like a man far too long without it, and Larabee reckoned that was exactly the case for Vin. Then he felt Tanner's body jerk and he pulled back and looked down at him. "What?"
Tanner jerked again and Chris realized that he was trying to hold back the tears, but they could no longer be contained. A gulping sob broke free from his chest, and he rolled toward Chris, letting him hold him as he broke down and cried.
When the emotional storm passed, Chris gathered Vin into an embrace, holding him as midnight approached.
"I just didn't think it made any difference," Vin said softly. "Weren't like I's out cruisin' the bars. Don't cruise the chat rooms neither. Don't do nothin' most folks call 'gay.'"
"Vin..."
"It don't hurt nobody if I go to a bar once in a while t' dance, or play pool have a couple 'a beers with m' friends. Hell, we all do that at the Saloon all the time."
"I know."
"It ain't no different, Chris. Just 'cause I dream 'bout men, just 'cause I want t' feel ya inside me, it don't make me any less 'a man. Don't make me any different 'n I was when they thought I dreamed 'bout women."
"I know that."
"I ain't any different today 'n I was yesterday."
"I know that, too. And so will they when they stop and think about it."
"I don't think so," Vin said sadly, shaking his head.
"Give them a chance, Vin, please. They'll come around, you'll see."
"Did y' see the way they looked at me?" he whispered, his face a mask of revulsion. "Like I's some kind 'a freak... a monster."
"They were just surprised, thrown off guard. They don't think you're a monster, Vin."
Tanner thought for a moment, then he shook his head, his voice breaking as he said, "They said they's m' family, Chris. Family."
"I know," the blond whispered, silently praying that they all remembered that as well. He pushed himself up and stood. "I'm gonna go make some coffee, you want some?"
"Yeah, I guess so..." Tanner replied, looking back at the television. St. Louis was ringing in 2000.
Chris left Vin sitting on the sofa and went to the kitchen. He added water to the coffeemaker, refilled the gold cone with coffee, and then turned on the machine on and leaned back against the counter, waiting for it to finish. He glanced at the wall phone and considered calling Buck, but quickly changed his mind.
He sighed and reached for the phone, this time picking it up and dialing Josiah's number.
"Sanchez," rumbled the big man's voice after first ring.
"How bad is it?" he asked softly, not wanting Vin to know he was making the call.
There was a long pause before the man replied, "Bad enough."
"Goddamn it," Larabee sighed softly, scrubbing his hand over his hair. "Can you tell me?"
"Nathan's... dealing. Give him awhile; I think he'll eventually come around. Ezra's probably all right with it, hard to tell given that poker face of his. Can't say the same about Buck and JD, though."
Larabee sighed again, louder this time. "And you?"
"Thought about it on the drive home," Josiah rumbled softly. "Given what little I know about Vin's background... I think Vin just doesn't define himself by his sexuality. It was more important to him that we knew he'd been in the Army, worked as a bounty hunter, and then for the Marshal's Office... He probably isn't very comfortable with his orientation."
"No, he isn't," Chris sighed sadly. "And this isn't helping him feel better about it either."
"No, I don't imagine it is. But what matters is that he loves you, with everything he has," Josiah said quietly - almost wistfully, Chris thought. "And I'm assuming that you return those feelings."
"I told you I did. I wasn't making that up."
"I didn't think you were," Josiah said gently. "But, Chris, have you ever been in a relationship with another man before?"
"No," Larabee replied, a little too sharply, "but I have been in love before, Josiah, and I can tell you, flat out, Vin means as much to me as Sarah did."
"Well, that's good enough for me then," the older man said. "Look, Chris, I don't care if you and Vin are straight, or gay, or bi, or just in love with each other. You are who you are. I'm just sorry Vin didn't feel that he could trust us with the truth. That's what hurts."
"And if he'd said so when I'd hired him, then all he ever would have been was our 'gay' team member. That would have defined every part of him and his life with us, wouldn't it?" Chris asked, using the same argument Vin had given him for why he hadn't told Larabee he was gay to begin with.
"Maybe, I don't know. And there's no way to know now," Josiah replied. "You know this isn't going to be easy, don't you?"
"Yeah, I know. You really all right with this? All of this."
"Yeah, I'm fine. Saddened that Vin's life has made this hard on him, and that he didn't trust us with it sooner, but I think I understand why he didn't. That boy means a lot to me, too, Chris. I don't care who he sleeps with. God made us all in his image - gays and straights, and anything in-between."
"So if I asked you to take over his annual evaluations?"
"I'd tell you I'd be happy to do that."
"Thank you, Josiah... for everything."
"Give the rest of them some time to think things over. Vin's saved all of our lives too many times for us to give up on him now. It's just going to take some time for everyone to come to grips with this. And you're going to have to given them that time."
"Yeah, I guess so," Chris replied, but he wasn't sure time was going to heal all the wounds that had been opened up here tonight.
"Goodnight, Chris. And Happy New Year, to both of you."
"Yeah, same to you, Josiah. And thanks again."
"Be happy, Chris. Life's short, you have to grab love when you can, and hold on to it for as long as you can."
"I hear that," Larabee replied, his voice tight with emotion. He hung up the phone and then fixed coffee for himself and Vin, carrying the mugs back to the living room where he found Tanner sitting between the fireplace and the Christmas tree, which he was watching as the lights slowly faded in and out in a random pattern.
"Who'd y' call," he asked softly as Larabee handed him one of the mugs.
"Josiah," he admitted.
"What'd he say?"
"That he cares about you... That he thinks he understands... He's fine."
Tanner nodded, feeling a little better. "And the others?"
"He thinks Ezra's all right with it, too, but he can't be sure... We'll just have to wait and see about the rest of them."
Vin nodded, his chin dropping almost to his chest. "They's m' friends, Chris, m' brothers..."
"Don't jump to any conclusions, okay? Things... Things might work out just fine."
"Y' really believe that?"
"I'm hoping, and that's not something I could've have done... if I didn't have you."
The clock struck midnight and they both glanced over at the television, watching as the local celebration began in downtown Denver. Outside they could hear the faint booms as the fireworks they were watching on the screen went off over the city.
"Guess it's time for bed," Chris said softly. "Drink your coffee and let's get some sleep, okay? Hopefully things will look better in the morning."
Tanner nodded his agreement, finishing off half the cup in a few swallows and then sitting the mug on the coffee table. Chris picked it up and carried both of them back to the kitchen, rinsing them out and adding them to the load in the dishwasher. He added soap and turned the machine on to run overnight. Then he returned to the living room, turning off the television and the fire in the fireplace. The Christmas tree lights he left for last.
Vin climbed to his feet, going to the front door to double-check that it was locked. Then he armed the alarm system and turned to wait for Chris, who pulled the plug on the tree before he joined him.
"Happy New Year," Larabee said softly.
"Yeah, I guess so," Vin replied with no enthusiasm.
They walked down to the master bedroom in silence. Chris headed into the bathroom first, quickly taking care of his nightly routine. When he stepped out, Vin took his place.
Larabee walked over and lowered the thermostat, then crossed to the bed and climbed in under the covers. Vin had already turned the electric blanket on low, so the flannel sheets were pleasantly warm to his bare skin. He sighed as his body began to relax, even while he mind was still racing furiously. But he knew there was nothing he could do, not tonight anyway. He might as well get a good night's sleep, and hope things really would look a little better in the morning. But he wasn't really sure he had that much more hope about that than Vin did.
Tanner stepped out from the bathroom, turned off the light, and headed to the bed. He paused at the nightstand, turning off the light there too, and then he climbed under the covers as well.
Chris reached out, pulling the man up next to him, spooning along his back and holding him tight.
"Y' know I love y', don't ya?" Vin asked him softly.
"I know," Chris replied, his throat tightening. "And you know I love you, too, right?"
"Yeah."
"We're going to get through this, Vin," Larabee whispered against the man's bare shoulder, then he kissed it.
"Hold me," Tanner asked him, his voice barely audible, and Chris snugged him closer, holding him like that though the night, determined that he wouldn't let go, no matter what.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
It wasn't quite light yet when Chris awoke to the arousing sensation of Vin's ass, wiggling against his groin. He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling his cock jump in response to the stimulation.
Tanner kept up the teasing, grinding his butt back against Chris' growing erection and making soft whimpering sounds as he did.
Larabee rocked his hips forward, trapping his cock between their bodies. His arms snaked around Tanner, pulling him tight against his body. Vin's breathing was already loud, ragged.
"Need ya, Chris," he moaned, his body writhing. "Need ya so bad..."
The raw want in the man's voice sent shivers racing through Larabee's veins and his hands moved, rubbing over Vin's chest, then dropping lower so he could reach the man's hardening cock. He squeezed it playfully.
Tanner's fingers closed over Chris' and he squeezed - hard. Suddenly, Larabee's grip was like a vise around the throbbing erection and Vin gulped air, groaning.
"Easy," Chris whispered in the man's ear. That had to hurt.
"Harder," Vin groaned, his fingers tightening further around Larabee's.
"Vin," the blond said, frowning, even as his cock responded to the man's demands. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Harder," he repeated, grinding his ass back on Larabee's now rigid cock, trying to force it into his ass. "Chris, please..."
Their sex was sometimes a little rough, but this felt different to Larabee. However, he wasn't sure why. And, at the moment, it was impossible for him to concentrate on why, the desperate need rolling off Tanner was overwhelming everything else.
"Take me," Vin begged. "Now, Chris. Hard."
Larabee tried to push himself up so he could reach the nightstand and the lube in the drawer, but Vin refused to let go of his hand.
"I have to get the lube," he said, then gritted his teeth as Tanner managed to somehow trap the head of his cock between his ass cheeks. Vin squeezed it as hard as he could. "Jesus, Vin," he gasped, the tightness making his cock begin to dribble.
Tanner glanced over his shoulder, a pitiful, pleading look on his face. "Now, Chris. Need y' now."
"I'll hurt you."
"Now," he moaned pitifully. "Don't care. Don't care. Just gotta have y'. Need y' inside me. Please. Hurry. Chris, please."
He was already leaking like crazy, and there was no way Vin was going to let go of his hand, so Chris did the only thing he could. He spat on his fingers and then reached down and rubbed it over Tanner's hole. He used more spit and his own precome to slick his aching cock as best he could.
He reached down and started to tease Vin's opening, hoping to prepare the man, but Vin whined loudly, grinding his ass back on the probing digit, forcing it into him. "Chris..." he pleaded. "Can't wait."
His heart beating faster, Larabee guided his cock to the rough pucker and started pressing himself into the younger man, hoping that he wasn't going to hurt him.
Vin began twisting ecstatically before Larabee's cock was barely head-deep. "More," he gasped. "More. Need y', Chris. Gotta feel y' inside me. Hurry."
It wasn't the easiest angle, and Chris had to struggle to work himself inside the grasping chute. "Be easier if you turned over," he managed to growl.
Vin immediately released Chris' hand, pulled himself off Larabee's cock and moved forward. He threw the covers back, then turned over and flopped down on his back. He hiked his legs up into the air and grabbed his heels with his hands.
"C'mon," he urged. "Fuck me."
Chris hesitated for a moment, enjoying the sight. Vin was giving him total access to his ass, was his for the taking. He moved up and grabbed his cock, guiding it to that welcoming entrance to Tanner's body.
Vin closed his eyes and let his head loll back on the pillow as Chris pushed back into him. Waves of ecstasy washed over both of them and they swam in them, bodysurfing on their own bliss.
Chris shoved his hips forward, filling Vin with his power.
And Vin felt himself being filled, taken, and that was exactly what he wanted. He could feel each push, each pull. "Faster," he gasped. "Give it t' me, Chris. Fill m' ass. Take it... Fuck it..."
Larabee thrust into the younger man more rapidly, and Vin began to move with him, pushing against him to give him maximum penetration. Chris ground his teeth, the friction quickly igniting a bright fire inside his balls and he hoped he could hold back his climax.
"Harder, Chris," Tanner growled. "Harder. Fuck me, damn it!"
Larabee grunted and pumped harder, sweat rolling off his face and running his chest and back.
Gasping, writhing, moaning, Vin's hands were everywhere at once, sliding over Chris' back, his chest, his ass. He gripped the blond's hips and tried to pull him closer, force him in deeper, with each of his powerful plunges.
"Harder," Tanner gasped, his body shuddering. "Fuck me."
Chris continued to pound into Tanner's seemingly famished ass, each thrust accompanied by the sound of his sweat-covered pelvis slapping against Vin's groin.
His head thrown back, his mouth open in a silent cry, the sniper jerked his hips down hard with every thrust. It was as if he wanted Larabee to split him wide open. And, suddenly, that feeling of disquiet returned to Chris.
"Harder, Chris, harder."
They were joined in the most intimate, most physical way two people could be connected, and it was as if Tanner was trying to... Shit, he thought.
"Harder!"
With an effort, Chris slowed his hips, riding in and out of Vin is long, slow strokes, loving him rather than fucking him.
"Chris," Tanner nearly sobbed. "Hard, Chris. Please. I need-"
"Vin-"
"Give it to me! C'mon!"
"Vin-"
"Hard, Chris! Take me! Fuck me, damn it!"
Larabee stopped, still buried inside his lover, and reached out, grabbing Tanner's chin. Blue eyes popped open. "No," the blond said softly.
"Chris..."
"No," he repeated. "I'm not going to do it."
Vin's forehead wrinkled. "Do what?"
"I'm not going to hurt you, Vin. Don't you understand? I love you."
Tanner's expression shifted from confused to distraught. "Please..."
"No, Vin," Chris replied, shaking his head. He pulled out halfway and sank back in slowly, carefully. "Feel that? That's how much I love you."
"But I need you to-"
"To what?" Chris asked him. "Hurt you? Punish you? Why?"
"For makin' y' like me," Tanner said softly, tears escaping from the corners of his eyes and rolling down temples.
"Damn it, Vin, you can't believe that crap Buck said. He doesn't believe it either. He won't, not once he's had a chance to cool down." Chris felt his heart tighten inside his chest. "Ah, Vin, you didn't make me anything except whole again."
Tanner blinked up at him, the tears still rolling down the sides of his face. "Buck was right," he rasped. "Y' loved yer wife. Y'-"
"And I love you, too, just like I loved her," Chris interrupted. "Damn it, Vin, I don't know what you want me to say."
"He's right, y' aren't gay. Y' shouldn't-"
"Vin, listen to me," Chris said, his softening cock slipping out of Vin's ass. He maneuvered over the man so he was lying next to him, propped up on an elbow so he could look Tanner in the eyes. "I don't know what the hell I am, and I don't really give a damn, either. But what I do know is how I feel about you. And that's all that matters to me. I don't care if the rest of them understand that or not. I don't care what they do think. I just want you in my life, for as long as I live."
Vin stared up at him, struggling to understand and to accept what he was being offered.
"Vin, I really don't know damn thing about orientations and the rest of that stuff, but I like to think I know a little something about love."
"'Cause you had it with Sarah."
Chris nodded. "Yeah. And you have to believe me when I tell you this. What I felt for her, and what I feel for you, it's the same thing."
"But-"
"It's the same thing, Vin."
And with that Tanner rolled toward him, curling into Chris' arms as he cried.
"I don't want t' lose 'em, Chris," he said finally, "but if I do... I can live with that. But I can't live without you."
"It'll work out," Larabee said, silently praying it was true. As far as he was concerned, God, or whatever powers might be out there, owed Vin that much. "There's nothing wrong with being gay, Vin. It's just who you are, but it's not all you are."
"It's all they're gonna see."
"You don't know that."
Vin shrugged.
"It's going to be fine. One way or the other, because, no matter what, we have each other, and together we can face any damn thing the world throws at us. You told me that yourself, remember?"
Tanner sniffed, but he nodded. "I remember."
"I believed you, and you have to believe it too."
Vin pulled back and looked up at Larabee. "Believe I love y' more 'n anything."
Chris nodded. "We'll get through this, together."
Vin nodded and glanced down, then reached out and ran his hand over Chris chest before pressing it over his heart. "Guess I just gotta show 'em I'm the same man I was before."
"Just be who you are, Vin, they'll figure it out."
Tanner snorted softly. "I'll try." He looked back up at Chris, a small spark returned to his eyes. "Don't reckon I'll be takin' any showers with Buck and JD fer awhile, though. Don't want t' scare 'em."
Chris felt the corners of his mouth twitch. "They're just jealous."
"Of what?"
"That they can't measure up... to you," he replied, then dipped his head and kissed his lover. He felt his cock begin to stir back to life.
"Hope y' plan t' finish what y' started," Vin told him, his own erection beginning to return.
"What I started? It was your ass wigging against my dick when I woke up."
"Mmm," Vin responded, slowly rubbing his cock against Larabee's hip. "Want y' t' put that dick back in m' ass."
Chris smiled. "So do I, but I'm not going to hurt you, so you can just wait for me to get the lube and do it right this time."
"I'll wait as long as y' want," Tanner promised. "But 'm gonna jerk m'self off if y' don't get a move on."
Larabee sighed and shook his head. "Anybody ever tell you you're a pain in the ass?"
"Just in yours, Larabee."
Chris chuckled at that. It was a start, and he'd take whatever he could get right now, and pray for the rest.
Continues in
Bloody Ghost, Part 3
Author's Note: This story first appeared in the Mag 7 zine, Seven Card Stud #8, published by Neon RainBow Press, Cinda Gillilan and Jody Norman, editors. When we all decided to post the stories that have appeared in the issues of Seven Card Stud that are more than two years old, we opted to use a generic pen name because, while Pat is the primary author of this story, she had so much help from the other folks writing for the press that it just made sense to consider the story to be written by the Neon RainBow Press Collective! Resistance was futile. So, thanks to the whole Neon Gang - Dori Adams, Sierra Chaves, Dana Ely, Michelle Fortado, Patricia Grace, Dani Martin, Erica Michaels, Nina Talbot, Kasey Tucker, Rebecca Wright, and Lorin and Mary Fallon Zane. Story lasted edited 8-12-2006. Art by Shiloh (shigal13@excite.com)