Third installment in the Bloody Ghost series.

PART 3

He hurried through his shower, trying to get finished quickly so he wouldn't keep Chris waiting. He would have been ready to go by now, but he had waited for the others to finish in the showers before he'd gone in. It was something he'd been doing ever since they had found out about him, about the fact that he was gay.

It was easier when they used the gym in the federal building. There were several private shower stalls there, and he had started using those, but when they met here at Ernie's Gym so they could use the body bags it was a different story. The men's showers were all communal, so instead of taking the chance that they might feel uncomfortable, he lagged behind the others, using the excuse of taking longer to get his gear off or getting undressed. But that meant that Chris was already done, and dressed and waiting for him out in the foyer by now; he hated to keep the man waiting.

His body clean, he stuck his head under the powerful spray, letting it rinse the shampoo and sweat out of his shoulder-length hair.

Without warning, a sharp pain knifed through his midsection, forcing the air from his lungs and bending him over. Then something struck him in the face, jerking him back up again. He saw a spray of red as blood erupted from his broken nose, nearly blinding him. He staggered back, his arms flailing as his balance was nearly lost. One of his hands struck a porcelain soap dish set into the tile of the walls. No one used them any more, liquid soap dispensers mounted to the wall making them unnecessary. He yelped and jerked his hand to his chest just as someone grabbed his hair and wrenched his head back violently.

"Your kind isn't welcome here," someone growled into his ear. "We better never catch you in these showers again, you understand, faggot?"

Before he could respond, one foot was swept out from under him and he fell, hitting the tiles with another yelp as he landed on his tailbone.

Vin couldn't make out the men's faces, his vision too blurred by the tears that had sprung into his eyes as soon as his nose had been broken.

"I asked you a question, faggot," a man barked at him, slamming Vin's head back against the wall of the showers and causing stars to erupt in front of his eyes.

"I. . . heard you," he managed to gasp before he slipped into the crowding blackness.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Chris checked his watch for the third time in less than five minutes. Damn it, they were going to be late. He glanced around the foyer again, but he didn't spot Vin, and the man wasn't in sight in the portion of the weight room he could see from where he was standing. The others had already left, headed for the Saloon. Josiah had invited him and Vin to join them, but he'd declined. He knew most of the others still hadn't gotten used to the idea that he and Vin were lovers, and he didn't want to make it any more difficult for them, or himself and Vin, than it needed to be.

He'd called and made reservations at a steakhouse they both enjoyed earlier in the day. But at this rate they weren't going to get there on time, and the reservations were only held for an extra fifteen minutes.

With a sigh, he turned and headed back to the locker room to speed his lover up.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

"Vin?" he called when he reached the row with the lockers they had used only to find it empty. Frowning, he walked back to the showers.

"Vin?" he called again when he didn't see anyone. But there was still one shower running, so why wasn't someone there?

He stepped around the half-wall that separated the rest of the locker room from the showers and stopped. Vin was seated on the floor, his legs stretched out in front of him, his upper body slumped back against the wall. Blood covered his face and chest and his hair was wet and dangling in ropes around his face.

"Vin!" he barked, hurrying across the slippery tile as quickly as he could. He stopped just long enough to turn the water off, then squatted down next to the younger man. "Vin, can you hear me?"

There was no response and Chris reached out, searching for a pulse in the man's neck. It was there, and strong. Thank God.

He let out the breath he had been holding and curled his fingers around Tanner's shoulder. "Vin," he called, giving the man a slight shake.

Tanner came awake fighting and Chris lurched back just in time to avoid getting hit.

"Whoa! Easy! It's me."

The sniper's head turned in Larabee's direction. "Chris?"

"Yeah, it's me, easy now. What happened?"

"Don't know. . . Couple 'a guys got me. . ."

"What? Why?"

Tanner issued a short, bitter snort. "Seems they don't want t' shower with no fag either."

"Jesus," Larabee breathed, anger nearly overwhelming him. "C'mon, let's get you cleaned up. . ."

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

An hour later Larabee was pacing in the waiting room of Summit Hospital, occasionally muttering to himself as he reviewed all the ways there were to kill a man - slowly, and painfully.

"Chris?"

He stopped and turned. Buck and the others were standing there, looking worried.

"What happened?" the ladies' man asked him.

Ignoring the man's question, Larabee demanded, "What are you doing here?"

"Dana Everett stopped by at the Saloon," Ezra explained. "She mentioned that she had seen Vin in the ER, and asked us if he was all right. Needless to say, we were unable to answer her inquiry as we had no idea what she was talking about."

"What happened?" Buck asked again.

Larabee's gaze swung from Standish to Wilmington. "Couple of guys beat the crap out of him."

"What?" JD responded, looking confused. "Where?"

"At the gym."

"He got into a fight at the gym?" JD questioned. "What-?"

"No," Chris said, interrupting the younger man, "he didn't get into a fight. They jumped him in the shower and beat the shit out of him."

"Why?" Nathan asked.

Larabee snorted indignantly. "Same reason all of you have let him get by with slipping in after you're done," he said matter-of-factly. "They didn't want to share the showers with a fag."

It took a few stunned seconds, but then all five men erupted into a variety of vociferous denials.

Chris held up his hands, silencing them. "Look, you can say whatever the hell you want, but it's the goddamn truth. Ever since you found out he was gay, he's made it a point not to be in the showers with any of you, and you've let him get away with it. It makes you uncomfortable and he's taken care of it for you. Why you don't seem to care if I'm in there, I don't know. I guess it's because you figure I'm really straight and he's just fucked up my mind somehow."

"That's not fair," Buck said softly but intently.

Wilmington's dark blue eyes were flashing, but Larabee ignored the warning sign, the anger he was feeling towards Vin's attackers needing an outlet, and his friends were the closest and only target he had. "Like hell it isn't. You've basically treated him like he doesn't exist for almost three months."

"We're just waiting for an explanation," Buck said defensively, but something in his gut told him Larabee was right.

"For what?" Larabee demanded.

"For why he didn't tell us he was gay in the first place," was the ladies' man's immediate reply, his own voice rising to match Larabee's.

Chris knew that was something Vin needed to tell the others, that Tanner did, in fact, owe them that much, but he was too angry, and feeling too protective of the sniper to acknowledge the truth at the moment. He opened his mouth to reply, only to be cut off before he could begin by Tanner's voice.

"I didn't tell y' 'cause I didn't think it made any difference," Vin told them as best he could. His nose was packed with cotton and his upper lip was puffy enough to slur his words as he spoke. Both eyes were nearly swelled shut as well. "Never went 'n' cruised the bars, or the chat rooms either. Don't do nothin' most folks call 'gay.' Don't live that 'lifestyle,' whatever th' hell that's supposed t' mean."

"Vin," Buck said, his heart aching over the way the younger man looked. He could tell by the way Tanner was holding his arm - pressed up tight against his right side - that he had bruised or cracked one or more ribs, and his left hand was wrapped up.

Vin peered at the ladies' man through blackening eyes as he continued. "If I'd told y', then that's all I'd ever be t' ya. Vin Tanner, our gay sniper. Vin Tanner, the gay guy on the team. Do I dress the way I dress 'cause 'm gay? Do I like that music 'cause I'm gay? I am gay, an' it sure as hell don't hurt you, or JD, or Nathan. Don't hurt no-damn-body if I go out t' a bar once in a while t' dance, or play some pool and have a couple 'a beers with m' friends. Hell, we do that all the time at the Saloon. Why's it so damn different if it's a gay bar 'm goin' to? Not like I'm gettin' fucked in the men's room. But then y'all ain't callin' me a friend no more, so I guess that's a pretty big damn difference, now ain't it."

"Damn it, Vin, you know that-" Wilmington tried to say.

"I ain't no different 'n any 'a you, y'know. Just 'cause I dream 'bout bein' with a man don't make me any less 'a man 'n any 'a you. Don't make me any different 'n I was when y' thought I dreamed 'bout women either."

"Vin-" Nathan tried.

"I never did think 'bout m'self as a gay man, just a man, so I didn't think I had t' tell ya. Ain't like all 'a y' come 'n told me you's heterosexuals, now did you? I ain't any different t'day 'n I was before y' knew who I wanted t' sleep with. Yeah, I got some porn, 'n' some magazines with naked pictures in 'em. How many of you got the same thing? Just 'cause yers got pictures 'a women 'n' mine got picture s 'a men? That don't make me 'a freak, or a monster, or a fuckin' pedophile!"

"We never said you were any of those things," Buck managed to get in.

"But y' think I made Chris gay," Vin accused them, looking from Buck to JD to Nathan. "An' what if I did? Y' think it's so bad - bein' gay - that y' can't stand t' look at me; can't stand t' be 'round me no more? Guess if I'd told y' right off, I'd 'a been livin' like I am right now fer the past two years. Well, let me tell y' somethin', I don't like livin' like this, an' I don't plan t' go on doin' it much longer. I'd rather face a hundred bigots like the ones who did this t' me 'n have the men who called themselves m' 'family' decide I ain't no better 'n the scum we bust, worse even, 'cause y' wouldn't care if one 'a 'em was in the shower with ya, now would ya?"

And with that the sniper turned and started hobbling back down the hallway, leaving six stunned men staring after him. But a few yards farther on, he stopped, his shoulders jerking as a sob broke free from his chest. He turned as fast as he could, wincing when the movement pulled at his sore ribs and his aching tailbone. He glowered at the men who had once been the brothers he'd only dreamed about having as a child.

"I ain't never really had a family, 'til- But y' ain't m' family neither," he managed to say, his throat tightening up, "an' I guess that's a good thing. Never thought I'd say that, but it's true, 'cause it ain't worth it. Ain't no love unconditional. Hell, even God hates fags, right, Nathan?" He gulped in a breath. "No love's worth livin' a lie. Y' can't take me like I am, then the hell with ya. And I am sorry I didn't tell y' right off, 'cause I'd've rather known I's workin' with a bunch 'a homophobes 'n let m'self believe y' were m' friends, m' family."

His energy deserting him, Vin stumbled to the wall, catching himself with his good hand, then turning and sliding down the surface to sit on the floor. He drew his knees up and wrapped his arms around his legs, resting his head on his knees and giving in to the pain and the frustration.

It took Chris a moment, but then he shot the men a hot glare and stalked down the hall to sit down next to Vin. Reaching out, he slipped his arm around the man's back to offer him whatever support he could.

After a few minutes, Vin lifted his head and looked at Larabee. "Y' know what hurts the most?"

"What's that?" Chris managed to ask past the lump in his throat.

"Think I've always hated bein' gay more 'n they do," he managed in a strained whisper. "What does that make me?"

"I don't know," Chris whispered back, his own throat still tight. "But I know this much, Vin. I'm glad you're gay. You hear me? I'm glad."

"Why?"

"Because if you weren't, you couldn't love me the way you do, and without that love. . . I don't think I could make it."

Vin's eyes filled with tears again. "Y' know I love y', right?" he asked. "Ain't just 'cause you're a man, neither. I love you."

Chris nodded. "I know."

Vin risked a glance in the direction of the waiting room, but it was empty now, the others having left or drifted off. And that made him uncomfortably aware of the people who past them, most of them staring at him. He blushed a deep crimson and quickly tried to wipe his eyes, but it hurt too much.

"Get me out 'a here," he whispered to Larabee, who stood and carefully helped Vin to his feet.

Together they left the ER, heading straight to Larabee's Ram and pulling out of the parking lot without a backward glance.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Five members of Team Seven sat together at a corner table in the Saloon. They each had a drink sitting in front of them, but no one had taken a sip and no one had been brave enough to open the conversation, although they all knew why they were there.

It was Josiah who finally sighed, picked up his drink, and tossed it back in one gulp. He set the shot glass back on the table with a knock like he was calling the meeting to order. "I realized something this evening. . . It really doesn't matter if Vin told us or not; that boy isn't defined by his sexuality any more than any of us are."

The others looked at him.

"Ah, don't tell me it didn't hurt that he didn't trust us enough to tell us the truth," Buck told him.

Josiah shook his head. "How could he trust us, Buck?" When the ladies' man started to interrupt an answer, he held up his hand to stop him. "Granted, we don't know much about Vin's past, but what we do know doesn't point to anything good, right? And you think we should've expected him to walk in and trust us - a bunch of strangers - with the fact that he's gay, when it's clear he's conflicted about it himself? That's asking too much, brothers. Far too much."

"But he could've told us later, after he got to know us," JD argued. "We kind have a right to know, you know? I mean, us sharing showers and-"

"Granted," Josiah interrupted, "he could have told us later. But put yourself in his shoes, JD. If you were gay, and you hadn't told us yet, would you want to tell us six months after you'd met us? A year? Now?"

JD thought about that for a moment, then he shook his head. "I guess I'd think it didn't matter. . . that you already knew me," he admitted, blushing slightly.

"And, like he said, if he had told us, then there would've been a 'gay' tagged on to everything about him," Josiah added.

"I believe you're right, Mr. Sanchez. Vin did feel we already knew him; knew all of the most important things about him in any case - that he is loyal, more than competent at his profession, and a good friend whenever he is needed," Ezra said, and then he sighed. "And he trusted that we meant what we said - that we were family. . ." He looked up, meeting each of their eyes in turn. "I'll be honest, gentlemen, his revelation concerning his sexual orientation did not particularly bother me, because I've know since I was in high school that I was a bisexual. I have just chosen not to act on my own same-sex attractions. And, because of that, I never felt it necessary to mention it to you - until now."

The others stared at Standish, trying to decide if he was telling the truth or just making a point.

Ezra smiled slightly. "Well, it might be true. You have no way of knowing for sure, do you? But whether it is or not, wouldn't I still be the same man you've known all along? Who I might find of interest sexuality makes no difference when it comes to my friendship with you."

The others chuckled a little nervously, but no one said he was wrong.

Buck leaned back in his chair, his arms folded over his chest. "All right, I can understand why Vin didn't want to say anything when he first joined the team. And I can see why, later, it really might not have seemed like something he needed to do. . ." He sighed heavily. "But I just don't get Vin and Chris. . ."

Josiah and Ezra exchanged glances. They had already talked in-depth about what they each thought about that relationship.

"I've been doin' a lot of thinking about all this," Nathan cut in before either man could speak. "A lot of praying, too. Raine took me to talk to a friend of hers, an Episcopal priest, and she opened my eyes on some things." He looked up at the others. "I'm all right with Vin being gay. Gonna take me some time to get comfortable, but I judged him based on fear, and that was wrong. As far as him and Chris being together. . .? I don't know about all of you, but I think Chris is better off with Vin than alone."

"I can't argue with you on that," Buck said. "Hell, Chris wasn't livin' before we ran into Vin. . . But there's a hell difference between friendship and what they're sharing now."

JD nodded his agreement. "It just don't seem. . . right."

"Love has a power all its own," Josiah told the younger man. "And if two people ever loved each other, it's those two."

Buck snorted softly. "You never saw Chris with Sarah."

"You think he loved her more than he does Vin?" the profiler asked him.

It took a moment, but then Wilmington shook his head. "No, I can't say that. . . When Chris loves, he throws all of himself into it. . . But how can someone who loved Sarah like he did - completely, madly - love someone with the opposite biology the same way? That just don't make any sense to me. Okay, if he was a bisexual, I'd say sure, but I know for a fact that Chris didn't look at men before Vin came along."

"It's a gift," Nathan said, meeting the ladies' man's eyes. "A gift from God. Love, I mean. And I really mean that. Real love, the kind that makes you know you're going to sped the rest of your life with someone; love where you'd gladly lay down your life for them, to keep them from harm, that kind of love is a gift from God. And it isn't for us to judge it. We might not understand it, but love's too precious, too important to reject it." He took a deep breath and let it out. "So I guess I'm sayin' I get that part of it. But I have to admit, being in the shower with Vin now. . . it does makes me feel. . . uncomfortable."

"Brother, go with me on this and imagine that we were all women-"

"Now that has the making of a nightmare, Josiah," Buck cut in, grinning.

"Indeed, most of you would make less than stunning contributions to the 'fairer' sex," Ezra added with a slight smile.

"Yeah, I hear you," Josiah said, trying to look like a stern father with a bunch of rowdy boys, "but it's the point I'm going to make that's important."

"Go on, Josiah," Nathan told the man, grinning a little himself. Josiah Sanchez would make one hell of an ugly woman.

The big man huffed out a breath, knowing exactly what his friends were thinking. "Nathan, if we were all women, ugly or not, and you felt about Raine the way you do right now, would you be sneaking a peek at the rest of us when we were in the shower together?"

"Of course not," the man replied immediately. His eyes rounded slightly. "Damn, Josiah, I never stopped to think it out, did I?"

The profiler flashed his friend a toothy grin. "You wouldn't be the least bit interested, would you?"

Jackson shook his head. "I wouldn't, because I love her, and what any of you looked like wouldn't matter to me. She'd be the one on my mind."

"Ah, come on, Nate," Buck said, "you tellin' me you wouldn't be curious? You wouldn't just take a peek every once in a while just because you could?"

"Maybe," Nathan said, "but it wouldn't matter because it wouldn't mean anything. Hell, Buck, I've seen you givin' us all the once over."

"Just to see who the competition is," the ladies' man admitted with a grin.

"But you know it's not me, because I'm in love with Raine."

"Well, yeah, I guess that's true."

"And it's not Vin either," Josiah added, "because he's in love with Chris. Think he has been since the day they met."

Buck settled back in his chair and thought about that for a moment. "All right, so he ain't sizing us up in the shower, and he's in love with Chris. . . But how the hell did Chris fall in love with him?" He looked over at Nathan. "And even if I think you're right about the kind of love Chris and Sarah shared being a gift from God - hell, even the love Chris and Vin seem to have - that doesn't explain to me how a straight man falls in love with a gay man."

"Maybe Chris was never as straight as you seem to think," JD offered quietly.

Wilmington looked at the youngest member of their team and asked, "What the hell is that supposed to mean? I'm tellin' you, Chris-"

JD sighed loudly, stopping Buck's comments. "I've been doing a lot of research about this online, and the experts," he said, stressing the word as he stared pointedly at Buck, "say that human sexuality is a continuum. Some folks are just straight, or just gay, and they can't imagine sex with anyone else. And some folks are bisexual," he added, shooting Ezra a slightly uneasy look, "and they can and do fall in love with people of either sex. But most people are either straight or gay, but they can bend a little in the other direction, and it's how they're raised or the circumstances they find themselves in that determines if they can accept their feelings of attraction and act on them."

Buck frowned. "You want to run that past me one more time, JD?"

The younger man sighed heavily and rolled his eyes. "It just means that people can be more flexible than you make it sound," he said. "Just because you can't imagine being with a man like that doesn't mean that Chris can't, or Josiah, or Ezra, or Nathan, or me."

"You?"

"No!" JD yelped and blushed. "No, I haven't met a man who's interested me, but maybe I could. That's not the point! The point is, not every man is like you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Wilmington asked defensively.

JD sighed again.

"I think what Mr. Dunne is attempting to say is that you are, unabashedly, a flaming heterosexual."

Buck's mouth opened, then closed and a bemused expression crossed his face. Then, he started to laugh. The others joined in. "Okay," he said a short while later as he wiped the tears from his eyes, "you've got me there, Ezra."

"However," Standish added, "Mr. Tanner is not what we could refer to as a 'flaming homosexual.'"

"Oh, hell no," Wilmington agreed. "I've seen men- Well, that's besides the point. No, Vin isn't like that."

"All I was trying to say," JD cut in, "is that it's harder for you to understand Vin and Chris being together because you're at one extreme on that continuum."

"And you think maybe Vin and Chris are, what, closer to the middle?" Nathan asked him.

JD shrugged. "I'm no expert, Nathan, but that's what it seems like to me. I mean, maybe Vin's closer to the other end of the continuum - the gay end - but Chris has to be somewhere closer to the middle. It still confuses me, too, but what I read made a lot of sense."

"Yeah, I guess it does," Nathan agreed. "I mean, they're talkin' now about human sexuality being partly genetic, and not just like a 'gay gene,' but a whole bunch of different ones, and they know hormones play some role, too, and there's some part played by-"

"Nature and nurture," Josiah said, interrupting.

"Our understandings of ourselves - our sexuality - is, perhaps, much more complicated than it might, at first, appear," Ezra summed up.

"But what are we going to do about Vin?" Nathan asked. "We've got a lot of ground to make up."

"Too much," Buck added, then sighed. He scrubbed his hand over his face. "Hell, this was all my fault."

"No, it wasn't," Nathan replied. "We all had. . . issues to work out." He glanced at Josiah and Ezra, then at Buck and JD. "Some of us more than others, but we are family - all of us - and it's high time we started acting like it."

"But what do we do?" JD asked him. "How do we apologize for this?"

"I don't think Vin wants an apology," Ezra offered. "Just our acceptance, and our support."

"And our love," Josiah added. "Vin said love isn't unconditional, but in a family it should be. Oh, we might disagree, might even fight, but when it comes right down to it - the fact that we're family means more than those things that tear us apart from time to time. That love is always there, even if we have to struggle through the ups and downs."

"How are we going to make Vin - and Chris, too - believe we still feel like that?" JD asked him.

"I don't know, son, but we have to find a way."

"Indeed we do, and the sooner the better," Ezra said.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Out at the ranch, Vin lay on the sofa, trying not to think, but he couldn't stop the words and feelings that kept churning thought his mind.

He probably should have told them the truth.

It had crossed his mind, briefly, when he'd first joined Team Seven. He could remember thinking that he ought to tell them the truth so he wouldn't have to worry about lying to them if he wanted to spend an evening at the Shooting Star. And he wouldn't have to fend off the women Buck would surely funnel his way. But he hadn't. He hadn't believed they could accept him if they knew he was gay.

He wondered again how his mother would have felt about it, and he sighed deeply.

"Something wrong?" Chris asked from where he sat nearby.

"No. . . just thinkin'."

"What to talk?"

Vin hesitated for a moment, then said, "Sometimes I wonder what my mom would've thought about me bein' gay. If she'd hate me, or blame herself. . ."

Chris leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. "You remember what you told me when I asked you what you remembered about your mother?"

Vin nodded. He'd told Larabee about all the fragments of memory he still had. They were far too few, as far as he was concerned, but he clung to them tenaciously, lest he forget forever the sound of her laughter, the brilliance of her smile, or the feeling of comfort he'd had, sitting cuddled in her lap.

"Vin, no mother who loved a child like she did you could ever hate that child."

"I hope not."

"And I don't think she'd blame herself either. She knew she did the best she could for you. Don't you think she would've just wanted to see you happy?"

"What I'd like t' think, but I know guys who got tossed out on their ass when they told their folks they's gay."

"I'm sure you do, but not every child who comes out is thrown out."

"What would you have done?" Vin asked him. "If Adam had come an' told y'

he was gay?"

Larabee leaned back and thought for a moment. "God, Vin, I don't know if I can answer that. . . He was only five when-"

"Ah hell," Tanner said, "I didn't mean to hurt ya."

"It always hurts a little when I think about him, or his mother, but not like it used to. I guess the problem is I didn't get to see him grow up more. I don't know if he would've excelled at sports or music, or math or English. . . I don't know what kind of child he would've been. Before all this. . . I guess I'd have to say that it would've bothered me if he'd been. . ."

"A sissy?"

"Hell no!" Larabee snapped. "He was always a sensitive kid, Vin, and if that means he might've grown up to be gay, well, fine. I would've wished that his life was easier; that he didn't have to see the hate that some would feel for him, without even knowing who he was, but I wouldn't have stopped loving him - ever. I would've wanted him to be careful, to be safe, and I hope I would have wanted him to find someone and have a happy life, but I think it might've taken me a while to get to that point. But Sarah would have helped me.

"Now, though. . . Now I'd want to be his shield, to protect him from all the hate, and all the stupid, careless things people do and say without even thinking about it - without meaning to hurt. I'd want him to know he was fine just the way he was; that he was perfect just the way he was, and that he could grow up and fall in love and raise a family if he wanted to. And if he didn't, well, then he damn well didn't have to."

"Y' mean that?"

"Of course I do!"

Vin nodded. "Y' would 'a been a real good daddy. I don't know how my mom would've felt, though I hope you're right 'bout her just wantin' me t' be happy. But I know m' granddad didn't have much good t' say 'bout gays, an' Tom didn't either. I think maybe I knew I's gay when I's in high school, but I didn't say nothin', didn't think about it, really, 'cause I knew how Tom felt. Then, when I's in the Army. . . Well, it's hard t' live with a bunch 'a guys day in an' day out an' not know what y' really are. But I never said a word t' anyone. Hell, I talked just like the rest of 'em - homos this, fags that. . . Got so I hated what I was, but I didn't know how t' change it. Knew, down deep, there was nothing I could do t' change it. But I swore then that I'd never be gay, even if I was gay."

"Care to explain that one?"

Vin grinned as best he could. "Sounds crazy, don't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it does. Sounds confused."

"Well, here's how I figured it - there was a difference 'tween bein' gay an' actin' gay. An' if I didn't act gay, then I wasn't really gay-gay, I was just. . . a little gay."

"In your mind, maybe; that just makes my head hurt."

"I know it don't make sense," Vin said, pushing himself up so he was sitting, facing Chris. "Guess I thought if I never did nothin' I heard gays did that I wouldn't be gay any more. Not sure what I thought I'd be, but I wouldn't be whatever it was everybody seemed t' hate."

Chris sighed heavily and pushed himself up, going over to sit down next to his lover. "But you know now that you can't change what you are, right?"

Vin nodded. "When I first met Alan and Dale. . . They knew right off I's gay. Scared the shit out of me, too. One night, we got to talkin' after they closed up. . . They made me realize I's just hurtin' myself. So I started hangin' out there more. . . let some of the guys ask me t' dance. . . but I never could let 'em touch me. . ."

"Why?" Chris asked. "God, Vin, sex is a natural part of life."

"Maybe, but I guess I thought if I actually had sex with another man I'd never be able t' not be gay. If I didn't do it, then I could lie t' m'self an' pretend like I wasn't gay. . . That's the real reason why I didn't tell any 'a ya. . . 'cause I didn't want t' believe it m'self."

"Oh, Vin," Chris said, gently reaching out to wrap his arm around the man's shoulders. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry this world is so screwed up. . ."

"Ain't yer fault."

"No, but I played into it plenty of times. I just never stopped and thought about it."

"No reason for y' to. Y' ain't gay."

"No, but I fell in love with you, so that makes me an honorary member of the club."

Vin snorted. "Ain't a club y' want t' be a member of, Chris. Dues are too damn high," he added, gesturing to his face.

"Yeah, they are high, but I am a member, by default. And by God I'm going to find those guys and-"

"No," Tanner interrupted him. "Y' leave 'em alone. Don't want y' gettin' hurt on account 'a me."

"But-"

"Y' heard me."

Chris didn't reply, but he knew he couldn't let this slide. He wouldn't, even if that was what Vin really wanted. He couldn't. "You need anything?" he asked the injured man.

Vin shook his head.

"Then I want you to lay down there and rest some more."

Vin nodded and let Larabee help lower him back down onto the sofa. Once he was settled, he closed his eyes and felt Chris press a light kiss to his forehead, then an even lighter one to his swollen lips. That caused tears to well in his eyes and helped ease some of the pain that still throbbed in his aching body.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Vin did not return to work for several days, not until the swelling had gone down and he was able to see normally again. The first day back, though, he still looked terrible. The bruises had faded to a sickly greenish-yellow and his ribs were tender, although it was clear that they had only been bruised, not broken. However, he had to bring a cushion to sit on at his desk, his tailbone still too sore to allow him to sit for more than a few minutes without it. But the ace bandage that had been wrapped around his wrist had been replaced by a small brace, and the dentist had told him the day before that his teeth and gums were doing just fine.

So, all in all, Vin Tanner was well on the road to a full physical recovery. His mental state, on the other hand, wasn't doing nearly as well.

For their part, the men of Team Seven had been busy while Tanner had recovered. They returned to Ernie's Gym and, over the course of several days, employed all their considerable talents in order to determine who it was who had attacked Vin.

And, now that Vin was back to work, they knew it was time for them to make their apology.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

As the end of another work day approached, Buck walked over to Chris' office and, leaning against the doorframe, said, "We, uh, wanted to treat you and Vin to a drink at the Saloon," he said, his gaze wandering so he wasn't actually looking at his long-time friend.

"Why?" was the suspicious reply.

Buck's head came up and this time he met Larabee's eyes. "You're just gonna have to trust me, stud."

Chris frowned, but he leaned back in his chair and sighed softly. He nodded to the chair sitting at the side of his desk. Wilmington walked over and slid into the seat.

"What's up?" Chris asked the man.

The ladies' man grinned. "Ah, you know me-"

"Buck," Chris interrupted him, "what's going on?"

The man huffed out a breath, his cheeks puffing slightly, then he said, "Well, we figured it was high time we made our apologies to you, and to Vin."

"I don't-"

This time Wilmington looked up and met his friend's eyes, holding the man's gaze. "You need to let us do this, Chris - our way. Then you can say your piece. Vin, too."

Larabee thought for a moment, then he nodded. "All right."

Buck grinned. "We're, uh, gonna make one stop on the way."

"Where?"

"Why don't you just go along for the ride this time," he suggested.

"Just promise me Vin's not going to get hurt," he said, his tone making it very clear that he was sincere.

"I give you my word," Buck replied softly, his hand pressed to his chest above his heart.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Vin didn't pay much attention to the talk going on around him. He was tired and his body was aching, and all he wanted to do was to go home and stretch out on the sofa. But it didn't sound like that was going to happen, at least not right away, because he heard Chris accept an invitation from Buck to stop by the Saloon on their way home.

Well, he could get a drink there, which might help the ache situation. At least, he hoped it would.

He rode with Chris, paying no attention to the passing buildings and street signs until they pulled into a parking lot and the Ram came to a stop. Tanner's eyes widened.

"What are we doin' here?" he asked his lover.

Chris was frowning, but Buck had promised him. . . "I'm not sure. . ." he admitted as he climbed out of the Ram, Tanner reluctantly following him.

They met the other five men at the entrance.

"Buck-" Chris started, but he was cut off by Ezra.

"I believe this is a watch and learn moment, gentlemen," he said. "If you'll just bear with us. . .?"

Larabee nodded. Vin didn't, but he didn't say anything either, or turn and head back to the Ram.

"If you would just follow us. . ." Ezra said, and it was then that Chris and Vin noted that the other five men were carrying all their gym bags, but it quickly became obvious that the men had no intention of working out.

Chris and Vin followed the men to the locker room where the five quickly stripped out of their clothing, tossing ties, shirts, pants, socks, shoes and underwear into open lockers, then they grabbed towels and headed for the showers.

Tanner shot his lover a look, but Larabee only shrugged and jerked his head in the direction the men had taken, curious now to see what they had planned. Were they just going to shower while he and Vin stood there and watched? He supposed it would make a statement of sorts, but they could have just said they'd worked it out and didn't care if Vin showered with them.

"You should wait here," Ezra said softly a moment later, reaching up to stop Vin before he could be seen by the men already in the showers. "But listen carefully, my friend, listen carefully."

Vin nodded, curious now himself.

The five men disappeared, Chris and Vin waiting for them just around the corner. They could hear the men who were already showering talking about the outcome of a recent NASCAR race and debating the merits of some of the drivers.

The others joined them.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Buck led the way into the showers. He smiled and nodded at the three men already there, then twisted on the water and stepped under the spray, wetting his hair before reaching out for a palm-full of the liquid soap. As he worked up a later on his body, he said casually to Ezra, who was standing at the shower head next to him, "You know, I heard some guy got the shit beat of him in here the other day. . ."

"Really?" Ezra replied, sounding mildly surprised. "Not what I would expect for an upscale gym like this one." He glanced over at one of the men and asked, "Have you heard about this?"

The man grinned. "Yeah, I heard, but it wasn't a guy. . ."

"It was a woman?" JD asked, sounding affronted.

"No," another of the three strangers said, "just a fag. But I'll bet he knows better than to come back here again."

"I'm sorry," Josiah said, "you mean this isn't a gay gym?"

The three men all snorted derisively. "Gay gym?" one of them asked. "What the hell're you talking about? We don't want any queers in here."

"You aren't a homo, are you?" the largest of the three men asked the others.

"Might be," Josiah replied, pulling himself up to his full height, which was at three inches more than the man who had asked. The man scowled at him.

"Hell, we all are," Buck added.

"What?" another of Vin's attackers yelped.

"You're all a bunch of fuckin' fags?"

"That's homosexuals to you, ignoramus," Ezra said.

"And we're pretty sure you're the assholes who hurt our friend," Nathan added, his gaze shifting among the three men, who were white, black and Latino. "If that's true, we figure some payback's due."

"You queers run in packs or something?" the black demanded, but he was looking decidedly nervous.

Nathan grinned. "Safety in numbers."

"And it looks like you're outnumbered," JD reminded them.

The three men crowded closer together as the others took up a united front that cut off their access to the exit.

"Why don't you just go to your own gym," the Latino asked them. "Then there won't be no trouble."

"Won't be any trouble if we don't see you around here again," Buck growled back. "But if we do, and we hear there's any trouble - with anyone - we'll teach you a lesson. . . gay style."

"What the hell does that mean?" the white man demanded.

"Use your imagination," Buck told him, his gaze dropping to the man's shrunken penis.

The man's hands automatically shifted so he could cover himself. "We're not gonna let you turn this into some faggot gym," he argued, but his voice broke a little.

"Too late," JD taunted the man. "We're already everywhere. One out of every ten, you know."

"He's right," Josiah said. "We're your friends, your coworkers. . ."

"Your family. . ." Nathan added.

"The cop who protects your sorry ass," Buck tossed in.

"The physician who saves your life. . ." was Ezra's contribution.

"And we're the people working out next to you, and taking a shower with you," Buck added. "So we better not hear about you giving any of us any more trouble - right?"

The three men mumbled their agreement, but it was clear they were only doing so to save their skins.

"We are not any more interested in your bodies than you are in ours," Ezra added, "but we will not tolerate abuse. Don't make us do something you'll regret, gentlemen."

The men were angry, but they also knew they were outnumbered.

"You can give Ernie your membership cards on the way out," Nathan told them. "He's got the right to deny service to whoever he damn well pleases."

"And it pleases him to deny service to bigots," Ezra added.

"Don't want to be here if the place is full of faggots anyway," the black man sneered at them.

"And you aren't on the down low?" JD snapped at the man, whose eyes rounded with surprise.

"That's different!" he defended himself vociferously.

"Man having sex with another man. . . sounds gay to me," JD replied.

The white man and the Latino both looked at their friend, eyes rounded with shock. "You sleep with other men?" the white man demanded.

"It ain't the same thing! I am not gay!"

Josiah's booming laughter rang out. "Like we told you, we're everywhere!"

On impulse, Buck reached out and grabbed Ezra, planting a kiss on the man's lips.

"Oh, Jesus Christ!" the white man yelped. "Let's get the hell out of here," he said as Buck leered at the men.

"Yeah, you better get on outta here before I get an itch I need ta scratch," he added.

"One thing," Josiah called, stopping the men before they could move. "How did you find out our friend was gay?"

The three men exchanged anxious glances. Finally, the white man said, "Heard another guy say he'd seen him at a gay bar. . . Said he thought he was hot."

"Indeed he is," Ezra said with a smile. "Nice to hear that at least one of the other patrons has good taste. Now, gentlemen, it's time for you to go. . . And do not come back."

"Not you!" the Latino man said when their black friend tried to follow him and the white man out. "You stay with your own kind!"

"I'm not a fag!" the black man bellowed.

"Fuckin' are queer if you're sleepin' with other men," the white man told him, the three men beginning to argue amongst themselves as they hurried away from the showers.

The five men watched them go, then bust into laughter.

JD looked at Buck, his eyes wide. "You actually kissed him!"

Ezra's eyebrows rose gracefully. "And I have to say, Mr. Wilmington, I just don't see what the ladies find so irresistible."

Buck looked like he'd been mortally wounded. Then he grinned. "Hell, Ezra, that was just a little ol' peck on the lips. You want to see what the ladies find irresistible, c'mere and I'll show you."

The other s laughed as Standish's eyes rounded with surprise. "I fold, Mr. Wilmington, I fold," he said and gave Buck a slight bow. "This hand most certainly goes to you."

That made the ladies' man's chest puff with pride. "Damn straight it does."

"Did you just say 'straight'?" Nathan asked him.

Buck's grin widened. "Yeah, I guess I did. . . Ah hell, what difference does it make?"

"Amen, brother," Josiah said, clapping Buck on his bare shoulder. "Amen."

Continues in Bloody Ghost, Part 4

Comments

Author's Note: This story first appeared in the Mag 7 zine, Seven Card Stud #9, published by Neon RainBow Press, Cinda Gillilan and Jody Norman, editors. When we all decided to post the stories that have appeared in the issues of Seven Card Stud that are more than two years old, we opted to use a generic pen name because, while Pat is the primary author of this story, she had so much help from the other folks writing for the press that it just made sense to consider the story to be written by the Neon RainBow Press Collective! Resistance was futile. So, thanks to the whole Neon Gang - Dori Adams, Sierra Chaves, Dana Ely, Michelle Fortado, Patricia Grace, Dani Martin, Erica Michaels, Nina Talbot, Kasey Tucker, Rebecca Wright, and Lorin and Mary Fallon Zane. Story lasted edited 2-27-2007. Art by Shiloh (shigal13@excite.com)