Sequel to Unrequited Too
Comments: NC-17 for the graphic description of male-male sex. Refers to events in "Unrequited," "Unrequited, Too," and "Whom My Heart Loveth"
Author's Note #1: When I finished the meta-fiction (see "To Comfort's Bed"), I was immediately pounced by Cheyenne, Sierra and Aspen, who pointed out – and rightfully so – that I had left the Old West Vin unrequited. Being the kind-hearted souls they are, they wanted Old West Vin to get what he wanted, too. So, ladies, this one is for you! This story includes part of the meta-fiction conclusion from "To Comfort's Bed" along with some minor edits and then carries the story forward in the Old West setting.
There, in the darkness, a sound. He blinked rapidly to clear his vision and lay still, listening to see if it would come again. And then he heard it repeat, easily identifying it this time: The jingle of familiar spurs.
Sitting up, Vin reached out and pulled the rear flap of his wagon canvas back just far enough to peer out into the pre-dawn shadows. He watched as Chris Larabee rode by on his way to the livery, his midnight patrol finally completed. The gunslinger would take care of his horse and then head off to his room in the boarding house for several hours of well-earned sleep.
Jist as well, the tracker thought. The last thing he wanted to do right now was to spend too much time around the black-clad gunman.
Flopping back down on his bedroll, Tanner closed his eyes and sighed heavily. When was this torture going to end? And he knew it had to end – the sooner the better.
When it had first started, he'd thought it might last for a few days. And when that came and went, for a few weeks. But it had been months now since the dreams had first begun to haunt him. And it was always the same damn pattern.
First he'd dream about being with Buck, and then with Ezra, and then with Josiah. And, in each case, his bedmates already knew he had feelings for Larabee, not for them, but they had each lain with him anyway – out of friendship, or affection, or both. Well, always both, if he was honest with himself.
He seemed content enough with the arrangements in his dreams, but in his waking life he was utterly miserable. How in the hell had he allowed himself to fall in love with Chris Larabee? The man was still mourning his wife and son, three years after their deaths. There wasn't any room in Chris's heart for the tracker. And that was if Larabee had been inclined to sleep with him, which, Vin suspected, he wasn't.
So why were his dreams tormenting him like this?
It was one thing when his nighttime flights of fantasy took him off into the arms of his friends. At least there he found some relief for the unending need that seemed to have possessed him. But these more recent dreams seemed bent on destroying him by giving him exactly what it was he wanted.
It was pure agony.
And they weren't the first time he'd dreamed of lying with Larabee; that forbidden fruit had been offered to him in his dreams a time or two before, but these dreams were different. These latest imaginings were offering him more than just a fuck with the man he longed for, they were offering him love, family, home… All of which were far too much to hope for… Well, for a man like him to hope for.
He sighed heavily again and rolled his head from side to side, unsure if he should laugh at himself or cry. It just didn't seem fair for his dreams to taunt him like this. To offer him everything he wanted, but could never have.
No, it wasn't fair at all. But what could he do about it? He couldn't control his dreams, or the Spirits – if they were the ones responsible for the haunting images. And he wouldn't put it past them. Ol' Man Coyote had bit him on the ass more than once in his sorry life.
At least his dreams gave him half a life. And if he couldn't have Larabee in his waking hours, maybe he could learn to make do with having him in his dream time. Maybe that would become enough to satisfy him. It would have to, he knew, because it was all he was ever going to get. Still, he was frightened.
Could he keep his feelings hidden from Chris and the others?
Could he live out what his heart longed for each night in his dreams, only to give it up each dawn?
He was bound to slip, bound to make some terrible mistake that would give him away to Buck, or Ezra, or Josiah. They seemed to have their suspicions already, which, he reasoned, was probably why they had become his dream lovers in the first place.
And why shouldn't they have their suspicions? He'd been acting like a feral dog trapped in a woodshed whenever he'd been around them lately, afraid somehow they knew his thoughts, his dreams. Wanting, he suspected, for them to offer him the same kindnesses they had in his dreams. But that was impossible too. They weren't the same kind of sinner he was. There was a white-man's word for it, but he couldn't remember what it was. Didn't want to, truth be told.
But then he wasn't like them. He wasn't fully white, even if it was the only blood that flowed through his veins. He had lived among the tribes, had seen the joyous love two men could share, and he knew in his heart it wasn't evil or sinful.
But that wasn't the kind of thing a white man would, or could, do. Or understand.
No, he knew he'd never lie with any of his friends, not outside his dreams anyway.
But some of his more recent dreams had been far easier to live with than others. These last few had damn near killed him with their promises, no more tangible than smoke in a strong wind.
It just wasn't fair.
How was it Chris could come to love him in his dreams, but couldn't even recognize his feelings – worn, Vin was afraid, so obviously on his sleeve – here in the waking world they shared?
Hell, half the time the two of them spoke plainly without a single word passing between them, but when it came to his feelings, Vin might as well have been speaking in an Indian tongue as far as Larabee was concerned, because Chris sure as hell didn't understand any of the tracker's signs. Not a single one of them, and Vin had laid them out as plainly as he dared.
Tanner snorted softly. Prob'bly a good thing, too. Hell, if Larabee did find out how he felt, he'd probably shoot him down in the street like some rabid stray. And feel good about doing it, too. And who would blame him? Didn't the preachers say God destroyed a couple of towns because of men with feelings like his?
Damn. Could he be courting the destruction of Four Corners by staying here when he felt like this? Was God still doing such things these days?
Vin suddenly felt utterly lonely. It was an old, familiar feeling, really. He had felt it first when his mother had died, leaving him alone when he was just a little boy, and again when the Army had taken him away from his Kiowa family five years later. He'd felt it once more when his Comanche family had been killed or marched off to the reservation, and now it had returned once again.
In between each of those times he'd been alone, but he hadn't suffered from the ache of loneliness, too busy trying to keep himself alive to feel it. But this time it was different. This time he still had his friends, his brothers, and yet he felt as lonely inside as he had those other times when his families had been taken away from him. It made no sense.
Hell, he ought to feel grateful. He still had a home, friends – men who would watch his back and take care of him when he couldn't care for himself. He was blessed and he knew it, but it still didn't chase away the cold, dull ache that had settled deep inside his heart. Nothing seemed to change that lately.
The only time he didn't feel it these days was when he was sleeping… and dreaming.
And it left him feeling guilty. It wasn't natural for a man to live out his needs, his desires, in his dreams, but he couldn't stop them. Wouldn't, he knew, even if he could. They brought him the relief he craved, needed, if he was going to continue living and working here with these men.
Maybe that was the answer. Maybe he shouldn't continue to live here. Maybe he was putting them all in danger by staying.
But he couldn't leave; he knew that. He couldn't leave Chris. If he did, and something should happen to Larabee…? Hell, he might as well just put a gun to his head and pull the damn trigger. It would kill him just as quick, and just as sure.
No, he couldn't leave, even if he was courting God's wrath with his cravings.
But surely the God Josiah spoke of, the God of love and compassion, would understand he meant no offense; that he wasn't the same kind of white man as the others were. As long as he didn't corrupt them, they would be safe. The town would be safe. It was only his sin after all, and he didn't know the God of the whites as well as he knew the Spirits. The Spirits, he knew, would not condemn him for his love.
He closed his eyes, trying to remember the dream he'd been having when Larabee had woken him earlier. Maybe he could find his way back to it; escape into the respite it offered.
He'd been with Josiah… and Chris had caught them together, although Vin hadn't known it at the time. Neither had Josiah… not until the preacher had stepped out into the church and found Larabee sitting there.(1)
Josiah had talked to Chris… had made him understand how Vin felt about him somehow.
Vin wished he had the big preacher's way with words. He wished he could say the right things to Larabee to make him understand the knot of tangled feelings that threatened to choke his voice every time he tried to speak to the man now. But words had never come easily to the tracker – not unless he was making up his poetry in his head.
He'd thought briefly about trying to come up with a poem that would explain his feelings, but he'd been too afraid to work on it. What if he got drunk enough to actually recite it to the man? There he'd be again, getting himself shot down or run out of town with tar and feathers. Better not to think about any poems. Better to just close his eyes and pray the dream picked up where it had left off… with Chris the one who wanted to talk to him about his feelings for the tracker.
Ah, yes, he remembered it clearly now… Thanks to Josiah's talk Chris had realized Vin loved him… Chris had decided he needed to talk about that with Vin… That and something else… something else…* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Tanner was dreaming again. And Vin knew he was dreaming.
This was new. Usually he just remembered the dream after he woke up. But now he was dreaming and he also remembered going to sleep, wanting to dream this dream he was dreaming.
He remembered Chris coming back from his patrol, and how he'd lain and puzzled over what to do and, finally, how he'd gone back to sleep, hoping to find Chris there in his dreams, hoping that they would love each other. And, looking down, he saw Larabee.
Vin frowned. He'd never been awake in his dreams before and it was a little disconcerting, to say the least. He could hear the gunslinger's thoughts like he was floating inside Larabee's head, but he wasn't. He was floating in the air, looking down at Chris as the blond's thoughts continued to flow through the tracker's mind like water in a river…
He needed to talk to Tanner, but where? Here, in town? No. He couldn't think here. They needed to talk, but Larabee knew he really wanted to do more than just talk.
The palms of Larabee's hands began to itch as he remembered how it had felt to touch the tracker in his dream. He might need to talk to Vin, but what he really wanted to do was touch him. He wanted to sink himself into the man's core, lose himself in the pleasures he had seen Vin and Josiah sharing.
He wanted to love Tanner, in all ways. Just like Vin wanted him, Larabee realized with a start.
Yer right 'bout that, Chris.
"This is one gift you're going to open, Vin. I promise you that."
Wish I could believe that, Chris. Wish ya'd tell me this fer real, but I know it ain't gonna happen.
Larabee decided he would head back to town tomorrow. He'd talk to Vin, bring the tracker back out to his cabin and make Tanner show him the pleasures he had shared with Josiah. Tanner would believe him when he told him how he felt, even if he had to keep telling the tracker the same thing over and over again until Vin finally heard it.
He wouldn't be the one who hurt Tanner – not like that.
God, Chris, Vin moaned, wishing now that he knew how to wake himself up. I want y' t' do that more 'n anything, but I know y' won't. Maybe here, but not where I want y' to.
Vin felt himself begin to move and, after a brief moment of panic, realized that it felt like he was flying. It was an incredible feeling, and the uniqueness of the sensation stole his attention away from Larabee for a few moments. He laughed out loud, joy filling him. He wanted the feeling to continue forever. He wanted to see if he could soar up into the sky like the hawks and the eagles, but he too quickly found himself coming to a stop in Four Corners, and Larabee was striding down the boardwalk toward him.
But Vin still wasn't himself; he was still some ghost watching the unfolding events taking place in front of him.
Chris walked right up to the tracker and stopped, his hands on his hips. "Vin, we need to talk."
The seated tracker looked up slowly, meeting the gunslinger's intense green gaze. "Talk then," he rasped softly.
"Not here," Larabee replied. "I want you to come out to the cabin with me."
Tanner's head cocked to the side as he continued to look up at the man.
It was more than a little peculiar to see himself in the dream, looking as solid as Larabee. Go, y' damn fool, he encouraged his dream-self. He's gonna give y' what y' want. Least one 'a us'll be happy.
After a moment the tracker nodded once and pushed to his feet.
Together the two men started for the livery, Vin floating along behind them. He could see the tension bunching Larabee's shoulders and wondered if his dream-self had noticed it as well. He couldn't seem to hear his own thoughts, not like he could Chris's.
Then, before he knew it, the two men were on their horses and headed for the small cabin outside of town. Vin knew they wouldn't talk during the ride, so he allowed himself to race on ahead of them, speeding above the landscape like a swift-winged hawk.
Rising high into the sky, he dove toward the ground, reveling in the joyous feeling of flying like one of the great birds of prey. He pulled up, soaring skyward again, higher and higher. Then he hung there on the updrafts, looking down at the land. It was breathtakingly beautiful and he dipped and rolled, enjoying the strange new freedom, hoping it might last. Maybe he could just become one of the great birds… fly away from all of this…
But then he was at Larabee's cabin and the dream pair was there as well, swinging down out of their saddles.
How'd y' get here so fast? he asked them, but they couldn't hear him.
Vin sucked in a deep breath, waiting for his heart to stop racing. Watching the two men unsaddled their horses, he almost left them to return to the sky, but he knew he couldn't do that.
They led their black geldings into the small corral and removed their bridles as well. The horses walked over and started munching on alfalfa.
Their mounts taken care of, the pair headed inside where Chris busied himself, making them some coffee, while Tanner built up a small fire in the fireplace.
"Ya hungry?" Larabee asked the tracker.
"Could eat," Tanner replied and Vin wondered briefly if he could get hungry inside of his dream, and would he feel full if his dream-self ate?
Larabee fixed the food while Tanner sat at the table, waiting, watching. The silence hung heavily between the two men and Vin sighed, wishing they would just get on with it. He floated impatiently in one corner of the room, feeling the tension between the pair as a corporeal entity that tangled around his legs and constricted his chest.
Hurry up, will ya?
Then they were sitting, eating, and finishing their simple meal quickly.
They sat back afterward, drinking coffee, Tanner waiting for Larabee to speak first.
"I saw you," Chris finally said softly, "with Josiah."
The tracker straightened in his seat. It was a challenge.
"Heard what you said, too."
Tanner's head dipped then, his cheeks turning bright red as they burned with shame.
Chris leaned forward a little. "Josiah said your feelings for me were a gift from God… but you thought it wasn't much of a gift, because you thought you couldn't open it."
Tanner was beginning to tremble, and Vin didn't feel much better himself. He was scared. What if Chris rejected him?
"I want you to open that gift, Vin."
"What?" What? The two Vins asked in unison, one voice unheard.
Larabee met and held Tanner's gaze. "I want you to show me how to… know you, like Josiah did. I want to be with you, Vin."
"But–" the tracker began, but he cut himself off and swallowed hard. "Ain't gonna do that," he finally said.
Why? Vin demanded of his dream-self. It's ever'thing y' want, y' damn fool!
"Vin, please," Chris said, leaning over the table a little farther. "Josiah and I talked, after I saw you, he made me see that–"
"What?" Tanner interrupted. "That y' love me? That y' want me in yer bed?"
"It took me a while to figure it all out, but yes, for both those things."
The tracker snorted derisively. "Y' jist need t' get laid, Lar'bee."
"Damn it, Vin, would you listen to me?" Chris said, standing up and coming around the side of the table.
Vin jerked, floating back a little, unsure what was happening. Could Chris really feel the same way about him? He looked at his dream-self, but Tanner was no help, clearly convinced Larabee didn't understand what it was he was asking for.
"I should go," Tanner said, rising.
"No," Chris said, reaching out to stop the man. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you, Vin. This confuses me, but I don't want to hurt you and… And I can't lose you either."
That caught Vin's attention, as well as his dream-self's.
"Josiah said– Damn it, you're special to me, Vin. You've got to know that."
Hear 'im out, Vin told his dream-self. Y' owe it to him, an' yerself.
Tanner dropped back into his chair and ran his hands over his long hair. "Look, Chris, I never meant fer y' t' know. We c'n jist ferget it, go back t' the way it was."
"Is that what you want?" Larabee demanded a little angrily.
No, Vin said, but his dream-self had no reply beyond a sad shake of his head.
"I didn't think so," Chris said as he leaned his hip against the edge of the table.
Tanner looked up at the man, half-scared, half-angry. "What d' y' want from me, Lar'bee?"
"I'm not sure," the blond admitted. "I want to– No. I need to know if I can know you like that. Can love you like that… Like I did Sarah"
"An' how d' y' mean t' find out?"
"I mean to try it for myself."
Vin sucked in a sharp breath and cut a sharp look at his dream-self, who looked ready to bolt. No, y' don't! Y' stay an' let him love ya, damn it. It's what y' want. An' if I cain't get 'im, least y' c'n do is have 'im here fer me.
Larabee pushed off and gestured to the small second room where his bed was. "You're gonna have to tell me what to do," he said a little thickly.
Tanner stood slowly, his hands trembling slightly where they were pressed against the tabletop.
Go on, damn it, Vin encouraged. Love 'im. Fer both 'a us.
The tracker took a deep breath and stepped around the table, following Larabee into the small room.
"Why me, Vin?" Chris asked as he sat down on the edge of the narrow bed.
Tanner shifted from foot to foot as he replied, "Cain't tell y' why I love y', Chris, jist that I do."
Larabee nodded. "I never knew why I fell so hard for Sarah like I did either. I just knew that when I was with her I felt… whole." He looked up, meeting the tracker's troubled blue eyes, regarding him like he was some kind of wild animal that was about to attack him. "Like I do with you," he added.
Make me whole, Chris, Vin pleaded with the man. Please. Love me an' make me whole here at least. I c'n live with that. But I gotta have y' here.
Tanner pulled his jacket off and tossed it onto a chair in the corner of the room. Before he could start on his shirt, Chris stood and stepped up in front of him, reaching out to gently grip the tracker's arms. Then, slowly and carefully, he pulled Tanner to him.
Vin and his dream-self sucked in sharp breaths, both of their lips burning where they were touched by Larabee's. What the hell? But before Vin could wonder how or why he had felt that, Chris pulled his dream-self into a tighter embrace, his second kiss more demanding as he began to undress the tracker.
Vin closed his eyes and moaned softly when he felt the pressure increase on his lips… the clothes being stripped off his body.
And then, suddenly, there was an invisible tug and he was moving, flying faster than he ever imagined anything could. He opened his eyes, but there was nothing except blinding streaks of color racing past him. Fear gripped him and he opened his mouth to cry out, but the sound was trapped in his throat.
He blinked, his vision returning, and he found himself lying on the small bed, naked, Larabee on top of him, their hard cocks trapped between them, their lips mashed together in another long, breath-stealing kiss. This time when he groaned in response, the sound echoed in the room, along with Larabee's heavy breathing.
The blond's hands were moving, touching Vin's body, making the tracker shake and pant with need. Tanner closed his eyes, giving himself completely over to Larabee. And Chris seemed to sense his surrender. He stroked the tracker's body to soothe and to excite him.
And, without realizing it, Vin found himself in the confusing position of spectator and participant, both watching as Chris loved him, and experiencing it at the same time. He was swept up in the sensations, physical and emotional, both spinning into a climax like nothing he had ever experienced before.
"Chris…" he moaned. "Chris…"* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Vin awoke with a gasp.
He was still in his wagon, dawn having just broken. And his long johns were wet from his spilled seed. Reaching down, he lightly stroked himself though his long johns as his erection softened.
Damn, damn, damn.
Forcing himself up, he dressed and headed to the bath house, soaking for a short time and then scrubbing himself clean. He rinsed, then dried and dressed. Stopping by the laundress on his way back to his wagon, he dropped off his clothes and blankets, then, back at his home on wheels, he rolled up his bedroll and stowed it. Climbing out, he sighed heavily and headed for the saloon, knowing Inez would be there, cooking breakfast for him and the other peacekeepers.
Josiah was the only one there before the tracker, and Vin slid into his usual chair at the large table, his gaze carefully averted from the former priest.
"Good morning, brother," Josiah greeted, reaching over to pour Tanner a cup of coffee from the pot Inez had brought to the table a short while before.
"J'siah," Vin replied, shaving some sugar into the cup and stirring it.
Sanchez watched him for a short time, then said, "My soul longeth… my heart and my flesh crieth out(2)… You should talk to him, brother. Tell him."
Vin felt his chest tighten painfully and every instinct screamed for him to run, but he knew he couldn't. He lifted his chin, blue eyes meeting blue. "Cain't."
"I think you have to… for both of your sakes."
Tanner's expression was anxious. "M' feelin's ain't like most white folks, J'siah, 'n' Chris ain't no Indian."
"Love is a language everyone understands, my friend."
The conversation came to an abrupt end when JD and Buck entered the saloon, walking over to join them at the table. Tanner's heart was racing, wondering if the two men had read his true feelings as easily as Josiah had, but Buck was focused on teasing JD about the young man's recent fishing trip with Casey, neither of them paying him much mind.
Tanner relaxed, enjoying the exchange between the two men, which lasted until Nathan and Chris arrived. They sat down just moments before Inez came out with their breakfast, scattering dishes around the table. Josiah passed out the plates and they dug into the tasty meal, enjoying the food, the company and the conversation.
Well-fed, the six men settled back to finish off their coffee, the talk turning to the recent thefts of chickens from a few of the local farms.
"Found some coyote tracks out at the Rimmer 'n' Wilson places," Vin said softly. "I'll ride out t' the Rimmer farm t'day, see if I c'n track down th' chicken thief."
Chris nodded and they moved on to other topics before finally drifting off to chores and other activities. Vin rose and headed out, walking down to the livery where Peso waited for him. The big black gelding nickered softly in greeting.
Tanner scratched the horse's forehead and behind his ears, then he groomed the horse and saddled him. After leading Peso out of his stall, Tanner double-checked the cinch, tightening it a little more, then swung up into the saddle and headed out.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
The ride out to the Rimmers' farm passed quickly. Once there Vin discovered that the coyote had struck again, this time making off with one of the roosters. He found the tracks and headed off to see if he could find the thief.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
His task completed, Tanner headed back to Four Corners. He let Peso set a slow pace, enjoying the beautiful day. His mind wandered, trying to sort though the tangle of emotion still lodged in his chest.
He stopped along the way to eat the biscuit he'd saved from breakfast, as well as the apple Mrs. Rimmer had given him. Overhead a hawk soared on the updrafts and Vin remembered the incredible feelings he'd experienced the night before, when he'd flown like the bird in his dream.
He leaned back against the large boulder and closed his eyes, letting himself relive the feeling of soaring through the skies, but he heard the approaching rider long before the man reached him.
"Find that coyote?"
Tanner opened his eyes and looked up at Larabee. "Yep."
"Guess he won't be stealing any more chickens then."
"Nope," the tracker replied.
Chris nodded and shifted a little in his saddle. Finally he said, "Was headin' out to my cabin. You want to ride along?"
Vin thought for a moment, Josiah's words from earlier coming back to haunt him. He had encouraged his dream-self to go along, how could he do any different? With a silent sigh, he nodded and stood.
Chris waited silently for Tanner to mount, then clucked to his own black and they set off for his cabin. As usual they didn't speak much during the ride, both men content with the silence.
But Larabee could tell something was bothering Tanner, and had been for a while now. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew it had something to do with him and he was hoping he might be able to get Vin to talk about it out at the cabin. The tracker seemed to like the spot and, after a day working around the place, and a good meal, Tanner often opened up and talked when the shadows fell across the land. Chris could only hope this would be no exception.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Chris stepped out of the cabin with two cups of coffee. He handed one of them to Tanner and sat down in the chair he left out on the porch. The sun had set a short while ago and the sky was shifting from pinks and oranges to blues and purples. The shifting colors always held his attention and Chris leaned back, content to watch until the colors faded away. Then, while the shadows lengthened and darkened, he shifted, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, and asked softly, "Ya going to tell me what's been on your mind?"
Vin sighed softly and thought for a moment, wondering how the hell he could ever explain this to Larabee. But he knew he had to find a way. He couldn't keep living like he had been. Sooner or later he was going to slip up. Maybe it would be better to just say it, and take whatever consequences came.
Chris waited patiently, knowing Vin would speak once he found the words. He didn't mind waiting. When Tanner eventually spoke, he usually had something worth listening to.
The sky darkened, more stars becoming visible, their lights twinkling overhead. The crickets began their nightly song and somewhere in the hills coyotes began to sing as well. Chris leaned back, enjoying the sense of serenity that settled over him, due in large part to the company he shared.
He had to marvel again at how much his life had changed since the day he'd first seen the tracker, a broom in his hand. Even then that image had seemed absurd to him, and the jarring image hadn't lasted long, Vin exchanging broom for rifle – a much more natural fit as far as Larabee was concerned.
But, thanks to Tanner, Chris knew he'd gone from being a bitter, vengeful wanderer to… To what? he wondered. The bitterness was gone, and his anger had slowly leached out of him, replaced by acceptance and… contentment.
The realization surprised him. Learning the truth about Sarah's and Adam's deaths had given him the peace he'd been seeking since the fire, but it was Tanner who had brought the contentment back, the happiness.
Of course his friendships with all of the peacekeepers had added to that fledgling happiness, but Tanner was different. When he was with the tracker he seemed… complete… full… whole… Just like he had been with Sarah. And that truly surprised him.
He never expected to feel whole or complete again. He'd had some small hope when he'd first met Mary Travis and her son, but he'd quickly realized he and Mary could only be friends – too much alike not to kindle more sparks than feelings of love. But here he was, sitting on his porch, feeling like his life was… perfect.
Maybe it was. He had a job he believed in, land he knew was good, a place to call his own, friends to share his burdens and his joys, and he had Vin.
His brow furrowed. What was it about the tracker that made Vin so damn important to him?
He admired the man's skills, true. He also admired the man's sense of fairness and justice… his easy good humor… his quietness. He respected the hardships the man had endured – hardships that hadn't scarred Tanner like they had him.
There was much to respect and admire about the tracker, but it still didn't explain his feelings. He looked up at the stars, testing a series of words that sprang into his mind.
Brother. Yes, he often thought Tanner felt like a brother. But then so did the other men he worked with.
Friend. Yes, Vin was his friend, but he was also something more.
Family. That was closer. When he was with Vin he felt like he had a family again. He felt like he wasn't alone in the world. And he knew without a doubt that, as long as Tanner lived, he would never be alone again. The man would always be there for him, watching his back, and he would return the favor.
Damn. There had to be a word for the relationship they shared, didn't there?
Tanner cleared his throat, scattering Larabee's thoughts. "Been havin' some dreams," Vin began.
Chris waited several seconds before he asked, "Bad dreams?"
"Reckon y' could say that."
"You think they're tryin' to tell you something?" he asked the tracker, wondering what had been haunting the man's nights. The swift rush of protectiveness that surged through Larabee surprised him a little. Vin was the most independent man he'd ever met. But he couldn't help wanting to help, to chase away whatever it was that troubled the man's sleep and he had to fight back the urge to reach out and touch the Tracker, to pull him close and comfort him.
Vin hesitated for a moment, disconcerted by the expression on Larabee's face. He wasn't sure what it meant, but it was the first time he'd seen it turned on him. First time he'd seen it at all, he reckoned. He decided then that he had no choice; he had to tell Larabee the truth. He couldn't keep going like he had been.
"Know what they're sayin'," he replied in a near whisper.
That made Chris' heart race and he wasn't sure he wanted to hear more, but he knew he needed to. Because something had made Vin pull away from him, and whatever that was, he didn't like it. In fact, it scared him. He knew he couldn't survive losing Tanner.
"What're they saying?" he asked the tracker.
There was a long pause again and then Tanner said softly, "Things are different… among the tribes…"
Larabee waited for a moment, worried, scared, but he managed to ask, "Do you miss living with them?"
Tanner nodded. "Things are… simpler there."
Chris leaned forward again, his elbows back on his knees. "Ko-Je said you'd be welcome among his people. So did–"
"No," Tanner interrupted, shaking his head. "That life's gone fer me, right along with the buffalo. M' people are dead, or dyin' on the reservations."
"I'm sorry."
"Ain't nothin' t' be sorry 'bout," Vin said sadly. "Y' didn't have nothin' t' do with what happened t' them people."
"No, but I'm sorry you lost your Indian family after losing your white one."
Vin thought for a moment, then said, "Reckon I got a new family now."
"Yeah," Chris agreed with a small smile, relief coursing through his body and making him a little lightheaded, "I know what you mean."
The tracker shifted so he could look up at Larabee. Blue eyes met and held green. "Among the Indians… sometimes a warrior will make his life with… 'nother warrior. Ain't seen nothin' like it in the white man's world."
Chris didn't look overly surprised and he asked, "You mean like the seven of us?"
Tanner shook his head. "Mean like they's a white man 'n' his wife."
Now that surprised Larabee and his green eyes rounded. "Heard about white men like that, too… They call 'em sodomites, like the men from Sodom, in the Bible."
Vin's brow furrowed, trying to recall if Josiah had ever mentioned those men. He had no idea where Sodom was, but he reckoned it had to be a far piece from here. "Ain't somethin' y' see ever'day," the tracker said, "but it happens. Ain't much said 'bout it among the People."
Larabee frowned, worry creeping back. "You been dreamin' about men like that?"
Vin nodded.
The frown deepened. Chris had no idea what to think about that, or why Vin would be dreaming about something like that. He looked at the tracker and asked, "What do you think it means?"
Vin huffed out his breath and said, "Mean's 'm thinkin' more like a red man 'n a white man."
Chris grinned. "Hell, Tanner, nothing unusual about that. Nothing wrong with it, either."
"Might change yer mind… Been thinkin' 'n' dreamin' 'bout livin' a life with you like that."
"Me?" Chris asked, his eyes rounding with amazement again. His immediate reaction was to laugh, but he held it in check, knowing somehow that if he did, he would insult Tanner. The second reaction was to reject the idea, but he couldn't bring himself to do that either and that scared him. There was something about the idea that made him… curious.
"Cain't control m' dreams," Vin said. "Y' know I'd never–"
"Why?" Chris interrupted him.
It was Vin's turn to look surprised. "Hell, Lar'bee, ain't natural fer a white man t' think like that… Is it?"
"But it is for a red man?"
Tanner looked away. "Some 'a 'em."
"That why you've been so skittish around me?"
Vin nodded. "Didn't want y' t' know what I's thinkin' 'bout. Figgered y' might jist shoot me down like a rabid dog."
"Hell, Vin, you know I'd never do that. That why you tried to avoid me?"
Another nod. "Didn't mean t' hurt yer feelings, or–"
"Tell me about these dreams of yours," Chris broke him, his skin suddenly feeling odd to him – prickly and needy somehow he didn't understand.
"Hell, Chris, y' don't want t' hear–"
"Yes, I think I do," Larabee interrupted him again. "But let's take this inside. It's gettin' cool out here. Besides, I'd like some more coffee, how 'bout you?"
Tanner nodded, pushing hesitantly to his feet and following the black-clad man back into the cabin. He took a seat next to the fireplace, enjoying the heat coming from the low-burning flames. Nighttime in the desert this time of year could get cold quickly.
Chris filled his own cup, then carried the pot over and filled Vin's as well. He returned the pot to the small cook stove, then walked back over and sat down in the chair near the hearth. "Now, tell me about these dreams," he said softly.
Vin drew in a deep breath and let it out, knowing he was setting out on a new path, one that would guide his life in a new direction. Then he started telling Chris about the dreams that had been haunting him for the past several months – all of them. And, when he was finished, he was hard and hurting, but he refused to touch himself, hoping that, somehow, Larabee wouldn't notice his shameful state.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Chris listened as Vin told him about his dreams, his raspy voice pitched soft, his gaze lost in the flames as he saw what he was speaking about.
The contents of the tracker's nighttime musings both shocked and excited him and, as Tanner spoke, he found he could easily imagine what the tracker was describing: Vin lying with Buck, and Ezra, and Josiah. About the two of them lying together…
It was harder to imagine himself lying with the tracker, but, as Vin described the dream he'd had just this morning, Larabee found himself visualizing the coupling as Tanner described it. And when Tanner described their dream climax, Chris felt his own cock jump, fluid leaking from the tip to wet his long johns. He glanced down, realizing that he was hard – hard and wanting.
Looking back at Tanner, he saw Vin was in the same condition, and he immediately knew how they could both find relief.
He stood, glancing down at the tracker, his state of arousal impossible to miss. Larabee grinned when the tracker's tongue slipped out to wet his lips and he swallowed hard. The wanting was so clear in Tanner's blue eyes… How had he missed that before?
Chris set his coffee cup on a small table and extended his hand to Tanner, who forced himself to look away from the blond's groin. Their eyes met.
The pain and the longing in Tanner's eyes were enough to make Chris's burn. He leaned slightly closer, his hand still extended.
Vin took the proffered hand and allowed Larabee to help pull him up.
"That looks painful," Chris said, his voice sounding a little thicker than he'd expected.
Vin nodded. "I'll jist go take care 'a things outside," he husked, taking a step toward the door.
But Chris reached out and stopped him. "I'm in a little pain myself," he said.
Tanner looked down, swallowing hard again as he caught sight of Larabee's erection again. And, as the tracker watched, he saw the large bulge growing, the blond's rod snaking down his right thigh.
Chris heard the tracker's sharp intake of breath and grinned. He reached down, rubbing himself through the material of his pants and long johns and couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like if it was Vin touching him instead. He closed the space between them.
"This is your fault," he said softly, lightly. "What're you goin' to do about it?"
Vin looked up, meeting Larabee's eyes. He could see the invitation there, the trust, and it stole his breath away. He was scared. In fact, he'd never felt more scared. What if Chris didn't like it? What if he sent him away? He started to shake.
"Easy, pard," Chris breathed softly. "Easy."
Tanner's heart was racing. He couldn't breath. The sweat was already soaking into his long johns, and his legs were beginning to shake so hard he wasn't sure they could support him. He dropped to his knees and looked up again. Chris smiled down at him.
Heart still racing, hands shaking so hard he couldn't hold a gun, Tanner reached up and cupped the gunslinger, finding the man's erection rock-hard.
Tanner moaned, the sound more pain-filled than anything Larabee could ever remember hearing. Pain was the further thing from Chris's mind. Tanner's touch on him was sending lightning flashes of desire and longing throughout his body.
"It's okay," he managed to whisper. "It's okay, Vin."
Tanner moaned again, leaning in as his hand moved away, his cheek pressing up against the cloth-covered cock. He rubbed his cheek over the bulge, eyes closed, breath coming in a rapid pant. He wanted what Chris was offering him so badly he was afraid he might come if he actually touched the man.
"You like what you feel?" Chris asked him lowly, his hands coming up to gently cradle Tanner's head.
"Mmm," Tanner replied, the sound passing through material and flesh, making Larabee's cock throb in response.
Chris reached up and undid his pants, then pushed them down.
Vin's cheek pressed back against his aching member again, this time only the long johns separating them. Larabee unbuttoned those as well and pushed them down too. His cock immediately leaped up, hitting Tanner under the chin.
They both laughed nervously.
Vin leaned back, giving Chris's cock a once-over. Larabee was even more beautiful than he'd imagined. He looked up into the blond's fiery green eyes, his own expression asking the question he needed Chris to answer. The scent of the gunman's musk was making Tanner lightheaded and he wanted nothing more than to take Chris into his mouth, but he wasn't sure that was what Larabee wanted.
Chris pressed his hips forward, accepting Vin's unspoken invitation.
Vin could feel his heart pounding in his chest, afraid for a moment it might just bust his ribs. He could feel his blood rushing though his body, most of it heading straight to his head, or to his aching prod. But he forced himself to focus.
Reaching out, he wrapped his fingers around Chris's long, thick cock, marveling at its size and its beauty. Larabee's balls hung low, heavy and full.
Without thinking, Tanner leaned in and slowly licked over one sac and then the other. The flavor was slightly bittersweet and Vin couldn't imagine anything ever tasting better. He worked his way slowly up the pulsing shaft, carefully licking every inch along the way. Chris's cock throbbed rhythmically, as if responding to the fluttering beat of Vin's heart.
With slow, voracious licks, he continued up Larabee's shaft to the spongy, crimson head, already poking free of foreskin. A small pool of precome nestled in the slit and the tracker sucked it off, savoring the slick sweetness. He eased his hungry mouth over the large mushroom knob as Chris gently guided him, his hands on either side of the tracker's head.
Vin looked up at Chris, but the blond's eyes were closed, his head tilted back, mouth gaping open. Tanner began bobbing up and down, swallowing as much of Larabee as he could. Above him, he heard Chris moan.
"Your mouth's so… hot… so… smooth," he groaned. "Shit. Vin, 'm gettin' dizzy."
Tanner plunged down the shaft once more, then pulled back until only his lower lip formed a bridge to the slippery head.
"God… feels so good," Larabee gasped. He forced his eyes open and glanced down, gasping as he watched himself disappear back into Tanner's mouth. A soft whimper of desire escaped his lips and he began to shake.
Vin moaned lowly in response, his attention focused on devouring the treat he had been given.
Chris groaned, louder this time, and wrapped his hands around the back of the tracker's head. Then he stiffened abruptly and clumsily pulled Tanner off of his cock saying, "Stop."
Vin jerked back as if he'd been slapped, suddenly afraid. "Did I hurt ya?"
Chris shook his head, trying to catch his breath. His body trembled. "Too close. I'm too close." He pulled up his long johns and his pants, then extended his hand to Tanner, tugging the tracker to his feet. Then, without letting go, he led Vin to his small bedroom. Before Vin could respond, Chris leaned forward. Their mouths connected in the most passionate kiss either man would ever remember.
Vin began to shake as Larabee's tongue snuck into every crevice of his mouth, the resulting sensations setting his whole body on fire, even his ass crack beginning to ache and twitch with need. He loved this man, he realized – completely and totally, and he wanted to be taken and take, but he had no idea what Larabee had in mind for them.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
And, at that exact same moment, Chris realized he felt the same, the truth almost making him come right where he stood.
No wonder he'd always felt differently about Vin. He loved the man, just as deeply as he'd loved his wife. He just hadn't recognized it.
And he knew then he had to have the man, and as quickly as he could.
He guided Tanner to the bed, the two of them undressing each other with fumbling fingers.
When they were naked, Chris gently pressed Vin down until the tracker was lying on the feather mattress. Then he climbed on as well, laying his body over Vin's, covering him completely. He continued devouring the tracker's lips with his own.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Chris's mouth was warm and sweet, and the fullness of his soft, moist lips made the tracker dizzy with desire. He hungered for Larabee to take him as he'd seen the Kiowa warriors do. He wanted Chris to take every part of him, leaving nothing untouched, but he didn't have the words to ask it of the man.
He wrapped his legs around Larabee's torso and hugged his body tight. It was as if he couldn't get close enough to the man. He didn't just want Chris to be on top of him, he wanted inside of him. He wanted to lose himself under the man's skin…
And Larabee seemed to sense his desire, his need. He responded by grinding and humping the tracker with slow, steady moves as they lay there in the missionary position.
But with his legs around Chris, the blond's crotch pressed against Vin's ass, Tanner could feel the pressure of Larabee's cock-head every time it slide past his tingling asshole. He knew right then that he had to know what it felt like to have Chris buried deep inside of him, at least this once. Then he'd accept whatever came next, and count himself the luckiest man alive.
Their kissing grew fierce, more intense. They nibbled; they bit mildly on each other's lips, chins and necks; they slithered their tongues in and out of each other's ears. Then, like a pair of wild animals they tossed and turned on the bed, kissing, fondling and groping each other madly.
Then, suddenly, they came to an abrupt stop. They looked deeply into each other's eyes. Chris softly stroked Vin's face like a blind man, and the tracker shivered under the touch, whimpering softly. Vin wanted the gunman like nothing he'd ever wanted before. Every inch of his skin tingled, and he could feel the heat coming from Larabee's body. The feel of Chris's skin on his own made his cock throb with a pleasure unlike anything he'd ever experienced before.
"Got t' get somethin'," he rasped thickly.
"Make it fast, Tanner," Chris growled back.
Vin scrambled off the bed, disappearing into the other room for a moment, then he was back, his fingers glistening with a dollop of butter from Chris's cold box – a small hole on the north side of the cabin where he kept his perishables.
Vin climbed back onto the bed and proceeded to rub the home churned butter over Larabee's aching cock.
The feel of the cool butter against his hot flesh made the gunslinger shake with need.
When Tanner was done, he reached down and rubbed what was leftover into his asshole.
Chris realized what it was Vin wanted him to do and, in a flash, he wanted it too. He wanted to possess the tracker, to make Vin his in all ways, for always. He climbed off the bed, letting Tanner lay down on his belly and then climbed on behind him.
The tracker lifted his hips and Chris pressed forward, forcing his slicked cock past the man's cheeks and rubbing his head against the pulsing bud of flesh.
Vin moaned, his hole begging for more as the incredible sensations Chris was creating intensified and rippled through his body. The path between his cheeks became the epicenter from which all of his desires for Chris to take, own, and fulfill him emerged. And, with each warm, slick press over his sphincter, warm flashes of ecstasy radiated through his limbs. He moaned and murmured, begging Larabee to continue.
Chris teased the snapping hole more, enjoying the way it seemed to try and catch him and draw him inside.
"Use yer fingers," Vin panted. "Get me ready fer ya."
Larabee licked his finger and worked it into the tracker's ass, poking it in and out several times before adding a second.
Tanner jerked and bucked, trying to impale himself on the digits. He grunted and whimpered, moaned and gasped.
Chris pulled his fingers out and climbed off the tracker, whispering, "Turn over onto your back. I want to see your face when I take you."
Vin rolled over and positioned himself, his knees bent, his hips tilted back. He was covered in sweat, as was Larabee, and the manly scent teased the tracker's nostrils.
Chris climbed back onto the bed, positioning himself between Tanner's thighs. He used his cock to tease at the puckered opening until Vin whimpered, tossing his head from side to side. Then he nudged the head of his penis inside by tapping slowly with increasing pressure. He finally slipped inside.
The thick mushroom head sent a surge of surprise through Vin that lasted a few seconds.
Slowly, Chris pushed himself deeper inside the tracker, not stopping until Vin had swallowed every inch of his rock-hard cock. He paused for a few seconds to allow them both to adjust before he began pumping inside of the Tanner.
Vin's insides burned as Chris pushed against his velvet walls and he was filled by an intense warmth and pleasure. With some strokes the head of Larabee's cock nailed one particular spot that sent shivers racing down his spine, making him claw at Chris's back as his toes curled and flexed with every thrust.
"Chris…" he groaned. "Chris…"
Larabee picked up the pace slightly and Vin whined and groaned in ecstasy.
"Harder," the tracker begged. "Harder, Chris."
The blond's thrusts shifted, becoming more powerful, deeper, the new sensations sending Vin's anus into wild spasms. Tanner groaned, panted, begged, "Harder… please… Chris…"
As he pounded into Tanner's ass he asked, "Like… this?"
"Yes… Chris… yes."
"You're... mine… Vin."
"Yes." Vin reached up and started jerking on his dribbling cock.
Harder and harder, Larabee pounded away, his thrusts long and even. Sweat ran down his face, his eyes tightly shut, his hips pounding faster and harder as he became lost in the feeling of Vin's muscles playing over his cock.
"Chris… 'm close…" Vin gasped and started jerking wildly, his cock shooting long strands of come across Larabee's chest and belly.
"Vin," Chris barked, eyes open now, locked on the man's spewing cock head as his hips went wild. Then he was growling, pounding with abandon as he emptied himself into Tanner's guts.
Vin continued to stroke and pull his drooling cock as he felt each hot burst of Larabee's seed land inside of him. He groaned loudly with pleasure.
Then, panting heavily, Chris dropped on top of Vin and they lay there, breathing hard, sweating, their bodies shuddering. They both felt completely drained and exhausted.
Larabee found the strength to slide up slightly and kiss the tracker. "Mmm, that was great," he growled.
Vin whimpered when he felt the gunslinger's cock slip free from his body, but he reached up, wrapping his arms around Larabee and holding on tight. "God, Chris… y' felt so good… so good…"
They slowly slipped into more comfortable positions, time seemingly standing still as they drifted off to sleep…* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Vin returned to wakefulness slowly, unsure at first if he was still dreaming or not. He was lying in Larabee's bed, his back pressed tightly against Chris's chest. The blond's arm was wrapped possessively around him, his fingers curled lightly around Vin's half-hard cock.
He kept his eyes closed, reveling in the feeling of being owned by Larabee. He'd never met a man, or a woman, he'd wanted to give himself to, not until he'd met Larabee. But he'd never imagined he could actually get what he wanted, or that it would feel as good as it had.
He trembled slightly. But now that he'd gotten what he'd wanted for so long, he was afraid he might never get it again, or be able to keep it. What was Chris going to think about what they'd done?
An impossibly light kiss on the back of his neck was the answer. "Good mornin'," Chris whispered against his skin.
"Best one I c'n remember," he replied sincerely, his voice nearly choked off by fear.
"First of many to come," was Larabee's reply. "You belong to me now, Tanner."
"Have fer a long time," he managed, groaning when Chris's fingers curled more tightly around his penis. "Goes both ways, Cowboy."
"Wouldn't have it any other way."
They lay there in silence, holding and being held. Then Vin asked softly, "Think we're goin' t' hell fer this?"
Larabee chuckled. "Hell, Vin, figure we're going for a lot of reasons. If this is one of 'em… so be it."
Vin nodded. "Kiowa don't think anythin's wrong with it."
"Kiowa might be smarter than us."
Vin laughed. "Hell, known that fer a long time."
Chris kissed the back of Tanner's shoulder, his fingers beginning to curl and uncurl, hoping to bring the man to full hardness.
"Chris…"
"Hmm?
"Nature's callin' m' name, pard."
"Nature can wait," Larabee said, snuggling closer.
Tanner chuckled, deciding Chris might just be right after all.* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Chris Larabee opened his eyes and stared up at his bedroom ceiling. Beside him, his lover continued to sleep. The ATF agent grinned in the early morning light. Why he'd dreamed he was Vin in the Old West, he still didn't understand, but he was glad that his dream-self had finally managed to resolve his unrequited love, just like he had.
Rolling over, he planted a light kiss on Tanner's bare shoulder.
Vin sighed softly and smiled in his sleep, looking as contented as a man could be. Chris knew exactly how the man felt, because he felt it too.
"You're mine, Vin Tanner," he whispered, setting about waking the man up in the most pleasurable way he could….
(1) "Whom My Heart Loveth," by Aspen Glennbearn, Seven Card Stud #5.
(2) Paraphrase of Psalms, 84:2.
Author's Note #2: This story first appeared in the Mag 7 zine, Seven Card Stud #6, published by Neon RainBow Press, Cinda Gillilan and Jody Norman, editors. When we all decided to post the stories that have appeared in the issues of Seven Card Stud that are more than two years old, we opted to use a generic pen name because, while Mary Fallon Zane is the primary author of this story, she had so much help from the other folks writing for the press that it just made sense to consider the story to be written by the Neon RainBow Press Collective! Resistance was futile. So, thanks to the whole Neon Gang – Sierra Chaves, Michelle Fortado, Patricia Grace, Erica Michaels, Nina Talbot, Kasey Tucker, and Lorin and Mary Fallon Zane. Story lasted edited 11-15-2005. Art by Shiloh (shigal13@excite.com)