Sequel to Unrequited, Too

WARNINGS: NC-17 for the graphic description of male-male sex.

Refers to the events in Revolution, Changing of the Guard, and Whom My Heart Loveth.

A sound. He blinked rapidly in the darkness to clear his vision and lay still, listening. Then he heard it again – the jingle of familiar spurs.

Sitting up, Vin pulled back the rear flap of his wagon canvas just slightly and peered out into the pre-dawn shadows, watching as Larabee rode by on his way to the livery, his midnight patrol completed. The gunslinger would take care of his horse before heading off to his bed in the boarding house and several hours of well-earned sleep.

Just as well, the tracker thought. The last thing he wanted right now was to spend too much time around the gunman.

Flopping back down on his bedroll, Tanner closed his eyes and sighed heavily. When was this torture going to end? It had to end.

When it had started, he'd thought it might last for a few days, then for a few weeks, but it had been months now since the dreams had started. And always the same damn pattern. First he'd dream about being with Buck, then Ezra, then Josiah. In every case his bedmates knew he had feelings for Larabee, not for them, but they had each lain with him anyway – out of friendship, or affection, or both. He seemed content enough in his dreams with the arrangement, but in his waking life he was utterly miserable.

How in the hell had he allowed himself to fall in love with Chris Larabee? The man was still mourning his wife and son. There wasn't any room in his heart for the tracker, even if he'd been inclined to sleep with him, which, Tanner suspected, Larabee wasn't. So why were his dreams tormenting him like this?

It was one thing when his nighttime flights of fantasy took him off into the arms of his friends. At least there he found some relief for the unending need that seemed to have possessed him. But these most recent dreams seemed bent on destroying him… by giving him exactly what it was he wanted. It was pure agony.

Oh, they weren't the first time he'd dreamed of lying with Larabee; that forbidden fruit had been offered to him in his dreams a time or two before, but these were different. These latest dreams were offering him more than just a fuck with the man he longed for; they were offering him love and home… Far too much to hope for, for a man like him.

He sighed heavily again and rolled his head from side to side, unsure if he should laugh at himself or cry. It just didn't seem fair for his dreams to taunt him like that, to offer him everything he wanted, but could never have.

No, not fair at all. But what could he do about it? He couldn't control his dreams, or the Spirits, if they were the ones responsible for the haunting images.

At least if he couldn't have Larabee in his waking world, maybe he could learn to make do with having him in his dream world. Maybe that could become enough. It would have to be, he knew; it was all he was going to get. Still, he was frightened.

Could he keep his feelings hidden from Chris and the others? Could he live out what his heart longed for each night in his dreams, only to give it up each dawn? He was bound to slip, make some terrible mistake that would give him away to Buck, or Ezra, or Josiah. They seemed to have their suspicions already, which, he reasoned, was probably why they had become his dream lovers.

And why shouldn't they have their suspicions? He'd been acting like a feral dog trapped in a woodshed whenever he'd been around them lately, afraid somehow that they knew his thoughts, his dreams. Wanting, he suspected, for them to offer him the same kindnesses they had in the dreams. But that was impossible too.

They weren't the kind of sinner he was. There was a white-man's word for it, but he couldn't remember what it was, didn't want to, truth be told. But he wasn't like them. He wasn't fully white, even if it was the only blood that flowed through his veins. He'd lived among the tribes, had seen the joyous love two men could share, and knew that it wasn't evil or sinful. But it wasn't what a white man would, or could, do. No, he knew he'd never lie with any of his friends, not outside his dreams anyway.

But some of the dreams were easier to live with than the others, and these last had been like to kill him with their promises, no more tangible than smoke.

It wasn't fair.

How was it Chris could come to love him in his dreams, but couldn't even recognize his feelings – worn, he was afraid, too clearly on his sleeve – here?

Hell, half the time the two of them spoke plainly without a single word passing between them, but when it came his feelings, Vin might as well have been talkin' in an Indian tongue as far as Larabee was concerned, because he sure as hell didn't understand the tracker's signs.

Tanner snorted at himself. Prob'bly a good thing, too. Hell, if Larabee did find out how he felt, he'd probably shoot him down in the street like some rabid stray. And feel good about it, too. And who would blame him? Didn't the preachers say God destroyed a couple of towns because of men with feelings like his?

Damn. Could he be courting the destruction of Four Corners by staying when he felt like this? Was God still doing such things?

Vin suddenly felt utterly lonely. It was an old, familiar feeling, really. He'd felt it first when his ma had died, leaving him alone when he was just a little feller, and again when the Army had taken him away from his Kiowa family. He'd felt it that Union prisoner of war camp, and when his Comanche family had been killed or marched off to the reservation, and now again. In between those times he'd been alone, but didn't suffer from the ache of loneliness, too busy trying to keep himself alive.

But this time was different from the others. He still had his friends, his brothers, and yet he felt as lonely inside as he had those other times when his families had been taken from him. It made no sense.

Hell, he ought to feel grateful. He still had a home, friends, brothers – men who would watch his back, care for him when he couldn't care for himself. He was blessed, and he knew it, but it didn't change the ache that had settled deep in his heart. Nothing seemed to change that. And the only time he didn't feel it these days was when he was sleeping, dreaming.

He felt guilty for living out his needs and desires in his dreams, but couldn't stop them. Wouldn't, he knew, even if he could. They brought the relief he craved, needed, if he was going to continue to live and work here with these men.

Maybe that was the answer. Maybe he shouldn't continue to live here. Maybe he was putting them all in danger.

No. No, he couldn't leave; he knew that.

He couldn't leave Larabee. If he did, and something happened to Chris . . . hell, he might as well just put a gun to his head and pull the trigger – it'd kill him just as quick and just as sure.

No, he couldn't leave, even if he was courting God's wrath. Surely the God Josiah spoke of would understand he meant no offense. That he wasn't the same kind of white man as the others. As long as he didn't corrupt them, they would be safe. The town would be safe. It was only his sin, after all, and he didn't know the God of the whites as well as he knew the Spirits. And the Spirits wouldn't condemn him for his love.

He closed his eyes, trying to remember the dream he'd been having when Larabee had woken him. He'd been with Josiah, and Chris had caught them together, although he hadn't known it. Neither had Josiah, until the preacher had stepped out into the church and found Larabee sitting there.

Josiah had talked to Chris, had made him understand how Vin felt about him somehow. Vin wished he had the preacher's way with words. Wished he could say the right words to Larabee to make him understand the knot of tangled feelings that threatened to choke his voice every time he tried to talk to the man now.

But words had never come easy to the tracker. He'd thought about trying to come up with a poem that would explain it, but he'd been too afraid to work on it. What if he got drunk enough to actually tell it to the man? There he'd be again, getting himself shot down or run out of town. Better not to think on any poem.

Better to just close his eyes and pray that the dream picked up where it had left off… with Chris the one who wanted to talk to him… Ah, yes, he remembered now… Chris had realized that he loved him. Chris had decided that he needed to talk about it… And something else… something else…

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

He was dreaming. He knew he was dreaming.

Vin floated, looking down on Larabee. Chris was in his bed, just like he'd been when the tracker had woken up earlier.

Tanner frowned. He'd never been awake in his dreams before and it was a little disconcerting. Then he heard the gunslinger's thoughts like he was floating inside the man's head, but he was floating in the air, looking down at Chris as the blond's thoughts continued to flow through his mind like water in a river.

He needed to talk to Tanner. But where? Here? In town? Yes, they needed to talk, but Larabee wanted to do more than just talk. The palms of his hands began to itch as Chris remembered how it had felt to touch the tracker in his dream.

He might need to talk to Vin, but what he really wanted to do was touch him. He wanted to sink himself into the man's core, lose himself in the pleasures he had seen Vin and Josiah sharing. He wanted to love Tanner, in all ways.

Just like Vin wanted him, he realized with a start.

Yer right 'bout that, Chris.

"This is one gift you're going to open, Vin. I promise you that."

Wish I could believe that, Chris. Wish ya'd tell me this fer real, but I know it ain't gonna happen.

Larabee decided he'd head back to town tomorrow. He'd talk to Vin. He'd bring the tracker back out to his cabin and let him show him the pleasures he'd shared with Josiah. Tanner would understand how he felt, even if he had to keep telling the tracker the same thing over and over again until he finally heard it.

He wouldn't be the one who hurt Vin.

God, Chris, I want y' t' do that more 'n anything.

Vin felt himself moving and, after a moment, realized that it felt like he was flying. It was an incredible feeling, and the uniqueness of the sensation stole his attention away from Larabee for a few moments. He laughed out loud, joy filling him.

And then he found himself in Four Corners, Larabee striding down the boardwalk toward him. But he wasn't himself, he was still some ghost watching the unfolding events taking place in front of him.

Chris walked right up to the tracker and stopped, hands on his hips. "Vin, we need to talk."

The seated tracker looked up slowly, meeting the gunslinger's intense green gaze. "Talk then," he said.

"Not here," Larabee replied. "I want you to come out to the cabin with me."

Tanner's head cocked to the side as he continued to look up at the man.

Go, ya damn fool, Vin encouraged his dream-self. He's gonna give y' what y' want.

The tracker nodded and pushed to his feet.

Together the two men started for the livery, Vin floating along behind them. He could see the tension bunching Larabee's shoulders and wondered if his dream-self had noticed it as well.

Before he knew it, the two men were on their horses and headed for the small cabin outside of town. Vin knew they wouldn't talk during the ride, so he raced on ahead of them, speeding above the landscape like a swift-winged hawk.

He rose into the sky and dove toward the ground, reveling in the joyous feeling of flying like one of the great birds of prey. And then he was at the cabin, and the pair was there as well, just swinging out of their saddles.

How'd ya get here so fast? he asked them, but they didn't hear him.

The two men unsaddled their horses, then led them into the small corral and removed their bridles as well. The geldings walked over and started munching on alfalfa.

Their horses taken care of, the pair headed inside. Chris busied himself making them some coffee while Vin built up a small fire in the fireplace.

"You hungry?" Larabee asked the tracker.

"Could eat," Tanner replied and Vin wondered briefly if he could get hungry inside of his dream since it was clear his dream-self was.

Larabee fixed the food while Tanner sat at the table, waiting. The silence hung heavily between the two men and Vin sighed, wishing they would just get on with it. He floated in one corner of the room, watching, feeling the tension between them as a corporeal entity that tangled around his legs and squeezed his chest.

Hurry up, will ya?

Then they were eating, quickly finishing their meal. They sat back afterward, drinking their coffee, Tanner waiting for Larabee to speak first.

"I saw you," Chris finally voiced softly. "With Josiah."

The tracker straightened in his seat. "Yeah?" he said. It was a challenge.

"Heard what you said, too."

Tanner's head dipped then, his cheeks turning red.

Chris leaned forward a little. "Josiah said your feelings for me were a gift from God, but you thought it wasn't much of a gift… because you thought you couldn't open it…"

Tanner was beginning to tremble and Vin didn't feel much better. He was scared. What if Chris rejected him?

"I want you to open that gift, Vin."

"What?" What? The two Vins asked in unison, one voice unheard.

Larabee met and held Tanner's gaze. "I want you to show me how to love you like Josiah did. I want to love you, Vin."

"But–" the tracker began, but he cut himself off and swallowed hard. "Ain't gonna do that," he said.

Why? Vin demanded of his dream-self. It's what y' want, y' damn fool!

"Vin, please," Chris said, leaning over the table a little farther. "Josiah and I talked, after I saw you, he made me see that–"

"What?" Tanner interrupted. "That y' love me? That y' want me in yer bed?"

"It took me a while to figure it out, but yes, both of those things."

The tracker snorted derisively. "Y' just need t' get laid, Larabee."

"Damn it, Vin, would you listen to me?" Chris said, standing up and coming around the side of the table.

Vin jerked, floating back a little, unsure what was happening. Could Chris really feel the same about him? He looked at his dream-self, but he was no help, clearly convinced that Larabee didn't understand what he was asking for.

"I should go," Tanner said, rising.

"Vin, no," Chris said, reaching out to stop the man. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you. This… confuses me, but I don't want to hurt you. And I can't lose you."

That caught Vin's attention, as well as that of his dream-self.

"Josiah said– You're special to me, Vin."

Hear 'im out, Vin told his dream-self. Y' owe it to 'im, an' yerself.

Tanner dropped back into his chair and ran his hands over his hair. "Look, Chris, I never meant fer y' t' know. We c'n just ferget the whole thing, go back t' the way it was."

"Is that what you really want?" Larabee demanded a little angrily.

No, Vin said, but his dream-self had no reply beyond a shake of the head.

"I didn't think so," Chris said as he leaned his hip against the edge of the table.

Tanner looked up at the man, half-scared, half-angry. "What d' y' want from me, Lar'bee?"

"I'm not sure," the blond admitted. "I want to– I need to know if I can love you like that."

"An' how d' y' mean t' do that?"

"I mean to try."

Vin sucked in a sharp breath and cut a sharp look at his dream-self, who looked ready to bolt. No, y' don't. Y' stay an' let him love ya. It's what y' want. An' if I can't get 'im, least you c'n.

Larabee pushed off and gestured to the small second room where his bed was. "You're going to have to tell me what to do," he said a little thickly.

Tanner stood slowly, his hands trembling slightly where they were pressed against the tabletop.

Go on, Vin encouraged.

The tracker took a deep breath and stepped around the table, following Larabee into the small room.

"Why me, Vin?" Chris asked as he sat down on the edge of the narrow bed.

Tanner shifted from foot to foot as he replied, "Can't tell y' why I love ya, Chris, just that I do."

Larabee nodded. "I never knew why I fell so hard for Sarah like I did either. I just knew that when I was with her I felt… whole." He looked up, meeting the troubled blue eyes regarding him like he was some kind of wild animal that was about to attack him. "Like I do with you," he added.

Make me whole, Chris, Vin pleaded with the man. Please. Love me an' make me whole.

Tanner pulled his jacket off and tossed it onto a chair in the corner of the room. Before he could start on his shirt, Chris stood and stepped up in front of him, reaching out to gently grip the tracker's arms. Then, slowly and carefully, he pulled Tanner to him.

Vin and his dream-self sucked in a sharp breath, both of their lips burning where they'd been touched. What the hell? But before Vin could wonder how or why he'd felt that, Larabee had pulled his dream-self into a tighter embrace, his second kiss more demanding as he began to undress the tracker.

Vin closed his eyes and moaned softly when he felt the pressure increase on his lips, and the clothes being stripped off his body.

And then, suddenly, there was an invisible tug and he was moving, flying faster than he'd ever imagined anything could. He opened his eyes, but there was nothing except blinding streaks of color racing past him. Fear gripped him and he opened his mouth to cry out, but there the sound was trapped in his throat.

He blinked, vision returned, and he was laying on the small bed, naked, Larabee lying on top of him, their cocks trapped between them, their lips mashed together in another breath-stealing kiss. This time when he groaned in response, the sound echoed in the room, along with Larabee's heavy breathing.

The blond's hands moved over Vin's body, making him shake and pant with need. He closed his eyes, giving himself completely over to Larabee.

Chris seemed to sense his surrender and stroked the tracker's body, to soothe and to excite.

Without realizing it, Vin found himself in the position of spectator and participant, both watching as Chris loved him, and experiencing it. He was swept up in the sensations, physical and emotional, spinning into a climax like nothing he'd ever experienced before. "Chris…" he moaned. "Chris…"

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

"Chris… Chris…"

Larabee woke with a start. "Huh? What?"

There was a low, bawdy chuckle. "That must've been some dream, stud."

Chris pushed himself up in the passenger seat of the Ram, feeling his erection, trapped inside his jeans. He grunted and glanced over at his companion. "What?" he asked, mind still foggy.

Buck's grin widened. "I said that must've been some dream you were having." He nodded at Larabee's lap.

Chris felt himself blush furiously, but he only grunted and glanced out the window. Apparently nothing had changed in the last few hours.

"Ya want to tell me what's been goin' on?" the ladies' man asked softly as he unthreaded the cap on a large thermos and poured Larabee some coffee.

Chris accepted the coffee and took a sip before he said, "Nothing's going on."

"Like hell," Buck replied. "You've been worse than a bear late for hibernation the last couple of months."

Chris shot him a withering glare, but it did nothing to deter the big man.

"Come on, Chris, talk to me. I haven't seen you like this since… Well, in a long, long time."

"It's nothing," Larabee repeated, staring out the window and wondering just when it had all started, and what it all meant. He needed to talk to someone about it; he just wasn't sure Buck was the one. But Wilmington was the only one there, and it was dark, and his cock was still aching.

"You found someone, Chris?" the ladies' man asked him.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," he admitted quietly.

Buck slapped his thigh. "Well, hell, stud, that's good news!"

"Maybe… Maybe not."

"Maybe not? Why? What's wrong?"

Chris shot a look at the man, then turned and stared out the window, waiting to see Logan Missner made a move tonight. "Let's just say I haven't made my interest known, and leave it at that."

"Well, why not? Damn, Chris, Mary's a beautiful woman and–"

"It's not Mary," he interrupted.

"Oh," Buck replied, surprised. "I see." He frowned, knowing for a fact that Larabee hadn't been dating anyone else. "Well, who is it?"

"Buck, just leave it alone, okay?"

"I just want to see you happy, pard," the big man said. "You know that."

"I know, and I appreciate it, but this is something I need to work out on my own."

"Fine. But it's about time you started livin' again, Chris," Wilmington added under his breath.

"Buck…"

"Hey, I'm leavin' it alone," the ladies' man said, his hands coming up in a placating gesture.

Chris fought back the grin and stared out the window again. Somewhere out there was the object of his affection, and he couldn't bring himself to say so. He sighed and hoped the rest of the stakeout passed quickly, and quietly.

Two days later

Chris walked nervously into the psychologist's office, grinning a little self-consciously when she looked up and smiled at him. She hadn't changed a bit from the last time he'd seen her.

"Chris," she greeted, "it's good to see you. How have you been?"

"Fine," he replied automatically, then sighed and shook his head, reaching behind himself to close the door. "Well, not bad, I guess."

"What brings you back to see me?" she asked him, gesturing for him to have a seat in one of the comfortable chairs in front of her desk.

Larabee sat down on the edge of the seat, hands clasped between his knees. "I– I think I'm in love."

"Chris, that's wonderful," she said, giving him an honest smile.

"With another man," he added.

She blinked once and smiled again, broader this time. Dr. Nicole Jomann hadn't see Chris since he'd come to her after his wife and son had been killed. At the time he'd been grieving and suicidal, but he'd worked his way through the worst of it and had broken off their sessions nine months later, when he took a new job with the ATF. "I'm still happy for you. Is that why you came to see me?"

He nodded.

"I'm not sure I understand," she said.

"I'm straight."

"And you're in love with a man."

He nodded again.

"Chris, sexuality isn't nearly as black and white as we sometimes paint it. Are you afraid that loving a man makes you a homosexual?"

"No!" he said immediately, then sighed. "I've been having these dreams…"

"Tell me about them."

"They started a few months ago…"

"Did something in particular trigger them? Is that when you realized you had feelings for this man?"

"No, it's when he told me he was gay."

"I see. And how did you react to that?"

"Nikki, I honestly didn't care. I think maybe I already knew, but it doesn't matter. I really don't care if he's gay or straight or whatever."

"Okay, so he told you he was gay, and then the dreams started?"

Chris nodded. "They're kind of weird."

"Tell me."

"Well, they're all set in the Old West."

"We're taking a historical setting? Cowboys and Indians, that kind of thing?"

He nodded again. "Me and the others from my team are the same people, but we're living in the Old West, in this tiny town out on the frontier."

She leaned back in her chair. "So, this man you're in love with, he's on your team?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me some more. What happens in these dreams?"

"That's where it gets strange," Chris said. "In the dream I'm– I'm this man…"

"Chris, can we give him a name, just to make it a little easier for me to follow?"

Chris sighed and nodded. "His name's Vin. Vin Tanner."

"Okay," she said. "And in your dreams, you're Vin?"

"Yeah, I'm Vin, and he's in love with me, but he can't tell me about it, and I don't seem to be interested in him."

"How does that make Vin feel in your dreams?"

"Bad," Chris replied. "Really bad. He ends up sleeping with other members of the team, only we're not an ATF team there. We're just men who have been hired to look after this town."

"He sleeps with more than one of these other team members? How many are there?"

"Seven total. And yeah, he sleeps with three of them. At first he does it because he wants to be with me, but he can't, so he takes solace in being with the others. And other times I dream I'm Vin, and he's dreaming that he's sleeping with these others, but he isn't, really, he's just dreaming he is, but it's because he wants me and can't have me."

"Complicated."

He snorted. "You don't know the half of it."

"So, tell me," she encouraged, tucking a stray strand of her short, reddish-brown hair behind her ear.

Chris took a deep breath and then said. "Okay, it's like there are two different realities, both of them in this Old West town, and in both cases I'm Vin and he wants me, but I'm not interested. In the first, he ends up sleeping with one of the other guys on the team – Buck, Ezra, and Josiah. And in each case it's like the dreams are their own little world. I mean, he ends up in a relationship with each of these guys, but he doesn't know he's involved with the other ones when he's with one of them… That make any sense?"

"I think so. Each dream strand is complete in and of itself. The Buck dreams are distinct from the Ezra dreams and the Josiah dreams. They aren't self-reflexive across the strands."

"Yeah." He frowned. "How come it sounds simple when you say it?"

She grinned. "I'm a trained professional, remember? How does each strand develop?"

"It started with Vin ending up in bed with each one… And whoever he's with, they know he's really in love with me, but he can't approach me about it. In the most recent versions, Buck and Ezra and Josiah all ended up confronting me in the dream and they told me about Vin's feelings. They were all pushing me to get together with Vin because he loves me and they don't want him to hurt any more."

"Do you think Buck, Ezra, and Josiah would tell you something like that in that kind of a situation?"

Chris thought for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, maybe. They all care about Vin. He's had a rough life and we tend to be a little protective."

"Okay, what's the second 'reality,' as you called it?"

"In this second 'reality,' I guess, I'm still Vin and we're still in this little town in the Old West, but in these dreams, I dream that Vin's been dreaming about sleeping with Buck and Ezra and Josiah, but it's only dreams, he's not really sleeping with any of them. But he is in love with me, and his feelings are coming out in the dreams with the other three. He's really frustrated because he loves me and these dreams are haunting him, but he can't do anything about his feelings. He's afraid to talk to me about it. And the dreams are just getting more and more… vivid, I guess. I mean, he'll wake up and remember the dreams with Buck or Ezra or Josiah, but then he'll fall asleep again and end up dreaming about being with me."

"Do you think Vin might actually have a relationship with one of these three men?"

"No," Chris answered immediately.

"Do you think he actually loves you?"

Larabee dropped back in his chair and ran his hands over his short-cropped blond hair. "I– I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I know he cares about me as a friend, a brother even."

"But you've fallen in love with him."

Chris nodded, looking miserable about it.

Nicole reached up and scratched her cheek, then said, "You're dreaming that you're the man you've fallen in love with, dreaming he's making love to you… or three other guys…"

"But not all at once," Chair clarified quickly.

She grinned. "Right."

"What the hell's wrong with me, Nikki?"

"Chris, there's nothing wrong with you."

"You mean dreams like this are normal?"

"Well, they are… interesting. Look, let's take this from an archetypal point of view, okay? The Old West is a good signifier of a place where the usual rules don't apply. A place where there were fewer rules than we have now, right?"

Chris nodded. "There are times I feel like I was born a couple hundred years too late."

"In our society there are a lot of unspoken rules about who we can and can't fall in love with. Straight men don't fall in love with gay men. Bosses don't fall in love with their subordinates. But, in the Old West, men could make their own rules, make their own way in the world, and the rules be damned."

Chris nodded. "I guess I'm worried how this would play out – if Vin finds out, and if he feels the same way I do."

"You dreaming you're Vin, the man you find yourself in love with… Well, that sounds like a simple inversion to me," she continued. "You're projecting your feeling for Vin onto him in your dreams, so he's feeling what you're feeling: your love, your frustration."

"Sounds simple when you say it, but it feels complicated living through it."

"I'll bet." She stood and walked over to sit in the chair next to Chris's. "Why can't you talk to Vin about how you feel?"

"I–" Chris started and then stopped. "I don't know. I'm straight. He knows I'm straight. He knows about Sarah and Adam. How can he believe I've fallen for him?"

"Maybe it'll be your sincerity? Your obvious affection?"

Larabee snorted and grinned. "Okay, how can I make the dreams stop?"

"Talk to Vin."

"What else?"

"I'm not sure there is a 'what else.' Chris, what's the worst thing that can happen if you tell him the truth?"

"He tells me I'm crazy, or that he hates my guts, quits the team and leaves Denver."

"And how likely is any of that?"

Chris thought for a moment, and then muttered, "Not very."

"What?"

"Not very," he repeated.

"Why?"

Another long pause and Larabee mumbled, "I don't know. I just don't think he'd leave like that."

"Because he cares about you? About the team?"

He nodded.

"Chris, is there a chance that Vin might return your feelings already?"

"I– I guess so… maybe. I really don't know. Like I said, I know he cares about me, but I don't know if he's in love with me."

"Well, I think your subconscious might have a better idea about that than you do. I think you need to talk to him; tell him how you feel. Tell him you're a little confused about how it happened, but you're not confused about how you feel."

"Why don't I call him and you can tell him."

"No way, Larabee, that's your job. I just get paid to tell you what I think you should do."

"Wimp."

"Guilty."

He leaned back, finally relaxing. It felt good to talk to the woman again. He'd forgotten how she could help him cut through the crap and get a handle on his life. But then she was almost sixty years old; she'd seen enough in her life to have some wisdom to share. "What if he laughs in my face?"

"Then you react to it, honestly. You'll be hurt, it'll show. There's nothing wrong with that. If you love this man, then you have to be willing to fight for a relationship with him. It might not come easy. It might not come at all, but you're not going to know if you don't try. Talk to the man."

"And these dreams are going to plague me until I do, aren't they."

"Of course; it's your subconscious, kicking you in the butt to get you moving in the direction it wants to go."

Chris frowned, his gaze taking on a faraway look.

"What is it, Chris?" she asked him, reaching out to rest her hand on his arm.

"In the dreams… Vin's hurting, really hurting. I hate that. I don't want to hurt him, in the dreams, or in real life."

"Maybe he's hurting now," she said. "Maybe he's just waiting for you to tell him."

"I wish I could believe that."

"You won't know until you talk to the man."

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, giving her a mock salute.

"Chris, how would you feel if you told him and he tells you he's already in a relationship?"

"Hurt. Mad, a little, I guess… But I think I'd be okay with it, as long as he's happy. It would be hard, because I don't think my feelings for him would change, but I could deal with it… I think."

"Come talk to me if works out like that, okay?"

"I will," Chris agreed, offering her a small smile. "I guess I'm just a little scared."

"That's natural. Weren't you terrified when you realized how you felt about Sarah?"

"Terrified doesn't even come close!"

"Well, see, it's natural." She saw something in his eyes and guessed, "You're also scared that if you love him, and he loves you, you'll lose him, aren't you?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah. I don't think I can go through that again."

"Chris, loving always comes with the risk of loss – though death, or divorce, hell, or boredom. But you already know the beauty of being in love with someone, really in love. You know the joys, and the heartaches, too. And only you can answer for yourself that old adage: Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?"

"There are days I'd say yes, and others… Others I wish I'd never fallen in love with Sarah, or with Vin."

"We all have those days, Chris. But I'll bet you lunch at Chad's that those days are far fewer than the others."

He nodded, saying, "I guess I owe you lunch, Doc."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Maybe I'll invite you to meet Vin… If he doesn't shoot me when I tell him, that is."

"And why would he do that?"

"Would you want to get saddled with an ornery old cuss like me?"

She laughed. "If I were twenty years younger, I might just give this Vin a run for his money! Now, go talk to the man."

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

The images from his dreams haunted Chris on the drive back to his ranch. Nicole was right; he had to talk to Vin. He had to tell Tanner how he felt and see what Vin wanted to do about it – if anything. The thought scared the shit out of him, but he had to do something. He couldn't stand watching Vin suffer like he was in the dreams, not any more.

So, when he got home, he called the sniper and asked him to come out to the ranch, adding, "Bring a change. You might be spending the night out here if we raid the beer in the fridge."

And then he put potatoes in the oven and went out and started the barbeque so he could put on a couple of steaks when Tanner arrived. Then, he waited.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

It was almost dusk when Chris heard the Jeep pull up and park next to his Ram. A few moments later there was a knock on the front door.

"I'm out on the patio," he called.

Vin stepped onto the wooden deck to join him, saying, "Hey, that smells good."

"I figured I'd better feed you since I ruined any plans you might've had for supper. Sorry about that."

"Didn't have any plans," the sniper replied, blue eyes looking a little worried as he checked Larabee over, trying to figure out why he'd been called out here.

"Why don't you go grab yourself a beer?" Chris asked the younger man, holding his own bottle up. "These steaks will be done in a few minutes."

Vin nodded, then opened the sliding glass door and stepped inside, dropping his small gym bag on the living room floor just inside the door. He returned a few minutes later with three bottles, one for Chris and two for himself. Tanner opened the first one and took a long drink that nearly emptied it.

"So, what's up?" he asked when he was through.

"I needed to talk to you," Chris said. "Thought I should do it out here."

"'Bout what?" Vin asked, frowning.

"It'll keep 'til after we eat," Chris said, lifting the two cooked steaks off the grill and onto a plate, which he carried inside, Vin following with their beer.

After a stop in the kitchen to transfer the steaks onto plates, along with baked potatoes and green beans, they carried them to the living room and watched the evening news while they devoured the meal.

When they were done, they took their plates back to the kitchen where they were rinsed and placed in the dishwasher to be washed later.

While Vin checked the barbeque to make sure it was out, Chris made them coffee, which they poured into cups and carried out onto the deck. The sun had set and they sat, watching the stars come out as the sky darkened overhead. Away from the city, the Milky Way quickly filled the sky with its fuzzy glow.

The comfortable silence lasted until Vin finally asked into the darkness, "Y' had somethin' y' wanted t' talk t' me 'bout?"

Chris set his empty cup of coffee aside and rose, walking over to the rail at the edge of the deck. Leaning on it, he looked out at the night sky and the rising mountains in the near distance, hoping that he wasn't just about to lose a good friend. "Vin, I'm not sure how to say this so I'm just gonna put it out there." When the sniper said nothing, Larabee took a deep breath and continued, saying, "I've fallen in love again."

"Hell, Chris, I don't see what's so hard 'bout that. You and Mary set a weddin' date yet?"

Larabee turned and leaned back against the rail. He couldn't see Tanner's features in the darkness, and for that he was glad as he added, "No, Vin, I fell in love with you."

There was a long silence, then a softly voiced question: "Me?"

Chris nodded, then realized that Tanner probably couldn't see him any better than he could see the sniper so he said out loud, "Yeah."

There was another long silence before Tanner rose and walked over to lean his forearms on the railing next to Larabee and stare out into the night. "Chris, I told y' I was gay 'cause I felt I owed y' the truth."

"I know that."

"Y' ain't gay, Lar'bee."

"No, I'm not, but that doesn't change how I feel about you."

"How the hell c'n y' love me if y' ain't gay?"

"I don't know," Chris said. "But this isn't something coming out of the blue, Vin. I've been thinking about this for months now. And while I might be a little confused about how it happened, I'm not confused about how I feel," he said, remembering Nicole's words and hoping they worked as well for Vin as they had for him.

Vin chuckled at that and turned to face him. "What d' y' want from me, Chris?"

Flashes of the dreams returned to Larabee in a rush and he stammered, "I– I want you. I want… I want to know what it feels like to make love to you, and feel you make love to me. I want you in my life, not just at work, not just as a friend."

"Y' don't want much, d' ya?"

That pulled a chuckle from Chris. "No, I guess not… Too much?"

"Chris, y' ever been with a man b'fore?"

"No."

"Y' ever wonder 'bout it? What it might be like, t' be with a man?"

"To be honest? No. Not until you told me you were gay and I started having these dreams."

"Dreams?"

"About you and me," Chris admitted, deciding he didn't want to complicate things by mentioning the ones with Buck, Ezra or Josiah.

"Dreams, huh?"

"Yeah. Vivid, detailed dreams."

"Y' want t' tell me more 'bout these dreams?"

Chris chuckled softly. "You're gonna think I'm crazy." There was no reply, meaning Tanner was waiting for him to go on. "All right… They're all set in the Old West and you and me and the others are there. We're peacekeepers in a little town out in the middle of nowhere. And in them, I'm you."

"Yer me?" Vin asked, sounding confused. "That mean I'm you in them?"

"No, I just mean that I see the dream through your eyes. It's like I'm in your head. I'm you."

Tanner chuckled softly. "Hell, always thought y' could get inside m' head, Cowboy. Guess I's right."

Larabee smiled. "Yeah, well, in this case, you're having dreams about wanting to be with me."

"I am, huh?"

"Yeah, but you don't know how to tell me… any more than I knew how to tell you just now. You don't think I'll understand how you feel, and I'll reject you, or send you away. I know exactly how you feel, believe me."

"Chris, just tell me, straight out, d' y' love me, or are y' just freaked out 'bout these dreams?"

Those words had never come easy, but he swallowed and forced himself to say, "I– I love you. Vin, I know what it feels like to fall in love. I've been there and done that, and I recognize it. I don't know how it happened, just that it has happened. But I don't know how you feel."

"Hell, Chris, I've loved ya since the day I met ya. Why d' y' think I told y' 'bout me being gay?"

"Because you wanted me to know the truth?" he asked, using Tanner's words from earlier.

"Sort of… It was 'cause I knew I's in love with ya, an' I was afraid I might slip. I figured if y' knew I's gay, if I slipped up, y' might just chalk it up t' me bein' gay, not me bein' in love with ya. 'Cause if y' knew, I figgered ya'd send me packin'."

"Christ, Vin, I'd never–" Larabee stopped and laughed shakily. "Man, we're a helluva pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah… An' Chris? Y' don't want too much."

"I don't?"

"Nope."

Chris turned so he was facing Tanner, his body shaking as his heart began to race. "Vin Tanner, would you marry me if we could get married?"

A pause and then, "Yeah, I guess I would at that," was the soft, choked reply.

"Oh, Christ," Chris breathed. He took the step to close the distance between them and pulled Vin into his arms, surprised to discover that the sniper was shaking as badly as he was. Hugging him tight, he whispered, "I want you, Vin. I want to love you."

"Y' c'n have me however an' whenever y' want me, Cowboy."

Chris pulled back, took a deep breath and allowed himself to lean in and kiss Vin for the first time outside of his dreams. And it was better than his dream had ever been. He moaned lowly, his need swamping him, making him hard and lightheaded at the same time.

"Easy," Vin whispered next to his ear. "Come on, Cowboy, I'll take care 'a ya."

"Vin," Chris whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Just promise me this isn't a dream. If it is, I want to wake up now."

"Ain't no dream this time, Cowboy," Tanner said, taking him by the arm and leading him back inside.

They left the lights off, neither man needing them to find his way through the house to the master bedroom. Once there, hands moved swiftly, quaking with need as fingers fumbled with buttons and zippers and shoestrings. Faster than either of them expected they were naked and lying on the bed, bodies touching, hands exploring, lips locked in probing kisses.

It only took a few more intimate touches, a squeeze, a stroke, a thrust and they were coming on one another's bellies like a pair of inexperienced teenagers. And they laughed, embarrassed by their lack of control, but grateful for the swift release.

"Y' want t' get a shower?" Vin asked hopefully.

"That an offer to share?"

"Yep."

"Then I'm game."

"Gamey is more like it."

"Move your ass."

They crawled off the bed and stumbled into the bathroom, both squinting when Larabee turned on the lights. Tanner leaned in and turned on the shower, letting the water get hot while they took turns at the toilet.

Chris climbed in first, watching as the come on his belly was washed down the drain. It seemed a waste. And then Vin stepped in, elbowing him aside and hogging the water.

Larabee chuckled and grabbed the soap before Tanner could scoop it up, working up a good lather in his hands.

"No, let me," Vin said when Chris started to rub the soap onto his chest. He took the bar from Larabee, worked up his own lather and began spreading it over the blond's chest.

Chris closed his eyes and moaned softly, the sniper's touch making his skin tingle. He gasped when Tanner's fingers teased at his pebble-hard nipples.

"Like that?" Vin asked him.

"Yeah," Chris breathed.

"Turn around," Vin told him, shifting so that when Chris did the water would fall against his side, keeping him warm, but giving Tanner a chance to soap the man's back. His hands moved in circles, massaging and scrubbing at the same time.

"God that feels good," Chris said, his head dipping.

Vin's hands moved down farther, rubbing over Larabee's hips and buttocks, soapy fingers sliding into the crack and teasing at the puckered opening hiding there.

Chris sucked in a sharp breath, a burst of searing passion shooting through his groin and filling his cock again. Vin continued to work, rubbing over the tight pucker, the very tip of his finger poking past the tight ring of muscle.

"Oh Christ," Larabee gasped as the finger pushed deeper inside him. His legs began to shake and his knees felt like they were turning slowly to Jell-o. "Vin," he moaned, his hands coming up to brace him against the wall of the shower.

He couldn't think, his brain short-circuited by the probing finger buried in his ass, the soapy hand sliding up and down his shaft, fondling his balls, and squeezing the head of his hard-on. "Vin," he gulped, trying to remember to breathe.

The finger was pulled out, two pushing back in its place. He grunted as pain flared through his guts, replaced a moment later with a jolt of pure pleasure when Tanner touched his gland. "Oh shit," he hissed, his hips jerking back, trying to force the fingers in deeper.

"Easy, Cowboy, easy," Vin cooed. "Feel's good, don't it," he said, finding and stroking over the gland.

Chris couldn't reply, his attention completely focused on his body and its reactions. His cock swelled, throbbing and leaking. He panted for air, legs going rubbery again. And then the pain was back as he was stretched open, impaled. He tensed.

"Easy," Vin whispered, stroking his back… hip… chest… cock. "I'm clean, Chris, y' ain't got t' worry, I swear it."

Chris forced himself to breathe and tried to relax. He felt the sniper's soapy cock slide in deeper, and deeper, striking his prostrate again. He cried out, pleasure exploding inside his guts and his cock, which jerked violently, almost coming right then and there.

One of Vin's hand's pulled and rubbed at a nipple, the other jacking him as he slowly slid in and out of his ass, striking his gland, rubbing over it.

"Ohmygod," Chris groaned. "Yes… God… Vin…" And then he felt it, the rush of pleasure that heralded his release, and the first load of semen shot through his cock, spraying the wall of the shower as Vin continued to jack his shaft and plow into his ass. He came, hard and long, his body shaking and jerking as he growled unintelligibly.

He felt the fiery bursts of Tanner's semen striking his guts and his head swam with the overload of sensations. Vin rode them out with him, prolonging his enjoyment as long as he possibly could. And then, when it was finally over, Tanner carefully pulled out and washed him clean, which was good, because he couldn't have found his ass with both hands right then.

It felt like a dream and, for a moment, Chris was afraid it was, but it felt better than any of the dreams ever had. He looked down, finding Vin on his knees, the water falling over his shoulders, running down his chest, dusted with light brown hair. The sniper's mouth was full and he was licking the sensitive side of Chris's shaft.

"Vin, no," he gasped. "I want you. Please."

Tanner looked up at him, blue eyes full of love and longing. He nodded and slowly released Larabee's cock, kissing the tip before he stood and quickly finished his own shower.

They stepped out, grabbing towels and drying themselves quickly. Tanner led the way into the bedroom, stopping at his gym bag to get a tube of KY. He handed it to Chris and then climbed onto the bed, hips up, inviting.

Larabee swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He didn't want to hurt Vin, but it had felt so good when Tanner had been inside of him. If he could do that for Vin…

He climbed onto the bed behind the sniper, opened the tube and squeezed out a line of the clear lubrication into his palm. He rubbed it onto his cock, then squeezed out more across his fingertips which he rubbed into the crack of Vin's ass, pushing most into the waiting hole.

He threaded the cap back on, his hands shaking a little in anticipation. Crawling closer, he rubbed his finger over the tight pucker like Vin had, then pressed his slick finger into the hot, tight hole. God, had he felt like that?

Chris pressed his finger in as far as it would go, feeling around for the sniper's gland. When he didn't find it, he pulled his finger out and then pressed it and in his middle finger back in. This time he found what he was looking for.

Vin cried out and jerked, hips pressing back. "Chris," he hissed. "Take me, damn it."

Larabee chuckled softly, twisting his fingers around, exploring the soft, smooth channel, stroking the sides, reveling in the heat and the tightness.

"Chris," Vin moaned, begging him to hurry.

Larabee slowly pulled his fingers out and moved up behind the smaller man. He leaned over, one hand grabbing the base of his cock, the other reaching out to stroke along the man's back and ass. He pressed the tip of his cockhead against the dilated pucker as he kissed Vin's neck and shoulders. Pressing harder, he felt the tight ring of muscle slowly give, finally allowing him to slip inside that incredibly tight passage. He gasped and stopped, afraid he was going to come before he even got started.

Beneath him, Tanner whimpered and rocked his hips back, trying to force Chris in deeper.

Straightening, Larabee grabbed Vin's hips and shoved his hips forward, cock sliding in until his balls were pressed tightly against the younger man's ass.

"Yes," Tanner sighed. "Gawd, Chris… fuck me."

The words were like an electric shock applied directly to Larabee's cock. His hips jerked and he tried to embed himself deeper, but that was impossible, so he pressed his hands against Tanner's hips and pulled his cock back out until only the head remained trapped inside the gripping channel. He thrust back in, striking Vin's prostrate.

Tanner cried out, his body jerking, his cock beginning to leak onto the bedspread.

The need struck Chris hard and fast. He needed to see Vin's face. He needed to see his expression as he sank into him. "Vin," he gasped. "Turn over."

But Tanner had other ideas. Pressing his ass up, he mashed Chris's balls between them.

Larabee growled and pulled himself free.

Vin wailed.

"Turn over," Chris told him, grabbing the base of his shaft again.

This time Tanner did as he was told, quickly scrambling around, lying down on his back, and lifting his legs.

Chris scooted closer, lifting Vin's hips and positioning himself. He looked up, green eyes locking on blue as he sank back into that tight, velvet fist a second time.

Tanner's eyes glazed with pleasure, eyelids drooping, mouth falling open with a breathy moan. His head rolled from side to side as Chris sank in and then began pumping his hips, almost losing himself in the sensations that assailed his cock from tip to base. "God," he gasped. "You're so tight… so hot."

"Fuck me," Vin whimpered, reaching down to grab his own cock, beginning to pull and squeeze in time with the cock sawing in and out of his ass.

Chris reached down as well, grabbing Vin's hips and tilting them up, ramming in deeper on each stroke.

"Yes, gawd yes," Vin moaned. "Chris… fuck… gawd… 'm close… 'm close."

Larabee's hips jerked harder, faster, impaling the man beneath him again and again. "Come for me, Vin… Give it to me."

Vin's body jerked and writhed on the long, thick cock filling him, his hand sliding faster along his cock. He forced his eyes open, gazed up into the intense green of the man he loved. "Chris," he breathed, "'m gonna come."

"Give it to me, Vin," Larabee growled at him, fucking him harder. "I want to see you come."

The words were all it took. Vin's head jerked back, his hips going wild as he began coming, long, sticky ropes landing across Chris's chest.

Larabee watched Tanner's cock exploding, his own swelling as he neared his own release. He let go of Vin's hips, grabbing his feet and pushing him over onto his shoulders and driving in as deeply as he could into the tight heat. He lost himself inside the other man, who was still jerking as he continued to climax.

And then Chris was joining him, his hips jerking forward with each expulsion of semen into Tanner's bowels. He grunted, eyes squeezed shut, muscles bunching until it was over and they dissolved into the consistency of melted butter. He collapsed onto Tanner, gasping for breath.

He wanted to move so he didn't hurt Vin, but his cock was still hard and Tanner's muscles were still holding him tightly. "Vin," he panted, "I need to get off you."

"No," Tanner said, reaching up to hold him against his chest, sweat and semen mixing, creating a heady musk.

Chris relaxed into that embrace, suddenly feeling safer than he had in a long, long time. He was safe and loved, wanted and desired, and he hoped Vin felt exactly the same way. Wanting to tell the sniper how he was feeling, he opened his mouth, but the words got lost somewhere between his brain and his lips.

Eventually his cock softened, slipping out of Vin's ass on its own. Both men groaned, lamenting the loss of the intimate connection when it happened.

"Guess we need t' take another shower," Vin managed, his voice thick and a little slurred.

"Mmm," Chris agreed, but he didn't want to get up. He moved, lying on his side, Vin pressed against him, kissing and licking the base of his throat. "I feel so good," he breathed. "God I love you, Vin." He hoped he'd be able to say that in the daylight, but at least he'd gotten it out now.

Tanner's embrace tightened. "Love y' too, Chris," was the whispered reply.

Chris's eyes closed and he knew he wasn't going to make it back to the bathroom, not for a little while, when his bladder would force him to go. But for now it was the call of sleep that was overwhelming him.

He felt Vin pulling up the edge of the bedspread to cover them and did the same, creating a cocoon that would keep them warm.

And then he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep, knowing that when he woke the dream would be real and lying in his arms, right where he belonged.

The End

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Author's Note: This story first appeared in the Mag 7 zine, Seven Card Stud #5, published by Neon RainBow Press, Cinda Gillilan and Jody Norman, editors. When we all decided to post the stories that have appeared in the issues of Seven Card Stud that are more than two years old, we opted to use a generic pen name because, while Mary Fallon Zane is the primary author of this story, she had so much help from the other folks writing for the press that it just made sense to consider the story to be written by the Neon RainBow Press Collective! Resistance was futile. So, thanks to the whole Neon Gang – Sierra Chaves, Michelle Fortado, Patricia Grace, Erica Michaels, Nina Talbot, Kasey Tucker, and Lorin and Mary Fallon Zane. Story lasted edited 10-5-2005. Art by Shiloh (shigal13@excite.com)