Violation by Hombre

Warning: This story tackles the aftermath of male rape. I really don´t know why I decided to write this but it was something I felt I had to do. Actually, now I think about it, the song; You´ve Got a Friend written by Carole King and sung by James Taylor probably inspired it. The words have kept going through my mind lately and the lyrics and this story seemed to go together. The fic doesn´t deal with the actual assault just the events afterwards, although a few details about the attack are given. The book I used for reference was Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman. Thanks once more to Nancy for the encouragement!

Chris knocked on Ezra´s front door and waited impatiently for the man to answer. The blond knew that the dark-haired man was in because his Jag was in the drive, which in itself was unusual. Ezra was very protective of his car and always parked it in his garage to keep it safe. Chris scowled and began tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for the door to open. He knew that Ezra never walked anywhere if he could help it and never used public transport, so he had to be at home. Where the hell is he? Why isn´t he answering? Chris frowned as he reached into his pocket to withdraw a bunch of keys that opened the doors to all of his team´s properties. They all had similar bunches so they could have easy access in case of trouble or sickness.

Chris didn´t know why but he was developing a very uneasy feeling as he picked out Ezra´s key and fitted it in the lock. He opened the door and stepped inside while calling the man´s name anxiously. He stood and listened for a reply and heard the sound of running water. Chris sighed in relief and relaxed. In the shower. Well, there´s a surprise. Ezra seems to spend most of the day preening. S´pect he didn´t hear me knock the door or call ‘cause of the noise of the water.

Chris took a seat in the living room and waited for the sound to stop and Ezra to appear, but after twenty minutes he was still waiting. He frowned and got to his feet and started to climb the stairs as he had the feeling of icy fingers running up and down his spine. Ezra liked cleanliness but this was excessive even for him. What´s Ezra been doing all this time? The house seemed to have developed a certain kind of quietness, a sensation that Chris couldn´t quite put his finger on. One of foreboding, perhaps was the best way of describing it. What is wrong? the blond wondered as he shivered and continued climbing. As Chris neared the top he thought he heard a strange noise but he couldn´t quite decide what it was. He walked to the bathroom and stood outside listening intently to make sure he hadn´t been mistaken. Just under the sound of running water he heard a soft keening sound and he knew he hadn´t been wrong.

His heart skipped a beat and he frowned in concern. Shall I go in? he wondered. He raised a hand and knocked hard on the door. “Ez? It´s Chris. Are you okay?”

No reply but he heard a faint hiccup in the midst of the continued keening. Chris moved his hand to the door and pushed the barrier open slightly.

“Ez? Can I come in?”

No reply. Chris´s frown deepened as he opened the door fully and looked over at the shower. He looked where he expected to see Ezra´s head but saw nothing even though the water still cascaded down. He dropped his gaze and saw the pinkish hue of flesh through the glass, but at floor level. He walked forward quickly as he wondered if Ezra had somehow slipped and hurt himself.

He pulled open the door and stared in shock at the sight before him. Ezra sat with arms round knees in the center of the floor directly under the torrent of water crying pitifully. Chris looked at the man´s body and saw his arms and legs were rubbed raw and bleeding. Well, he didn´t do that by falling, Chris thought. The blond then noticed what was being held in the crying agent´s hand. A bloody nailbrush. Well, that´s the cause of the damage to his arms and legs but what made him do it and where did he get all those bruises that I can see on his body? They ain´t self-inflicted. Chris frowned worriedly again and took a sharp inward breath at the extent of his friend´s injuries. The man had taken quite a bad beating by the look of it.

The blond then realized that the bathroom wasn´t filled with steam, so he reached out a hand and felt the liquid pouring from the showerhead and was surprised to find it was freezing cold. Chris looked back at Ezra and saw that his skin was covered in goose bumps. Why didn´t I notice that before? I ain´t seeing things that are right in front of me. I´d better start concentrating if I want to discover Ezra´s problem. Why the hell would I think that the water would still be hot after all the time he musta been in here? Dammit, pull yerself together, Larabee! As he chastised himself he made moves to turn the water off but flinched when Ezra spoke very quietly.

“Leave it, please.” The injured man then continued to grizzle and shiver.

“Ez? What´s happened?” Chris asked as he squatted down so he was at eye-level with the man. The fact that he was now also getting covered in cold water didn´t concern him one bit. Chris could now see Ezra´s face properly and he frowned when he saw the plain finger marks around the man´s neck and the bad bruises to his face. The blond reached out a hand but recoiled quickly when Ezra actually shrieked and curled up even more.

The blond man shuffled away on his haunches to give his friend some space and then said, “Okay, Ez. I ain´t gonna touch ya. Why don´t I turn the water off? You´ll catch yer death sitting in it like that.”

“Leave it,” Ezra said a bit more forcefully.

The black-clad man didn´t know what to do for the best but he was rapidly coming to the conclusion that he knew what had happened to his agent and he didn´t like the way his mind was working at all. He´d had to deal with these sorts of situations when he´d been a beat cop but that didn´t make it any easier now. He hoped that he was totally wrong in his assumptions but he had his doubts. The man´s demeanor and his self-inflicted injuries pointed all to clearly to what Chris thought had occurred. He just didn´t know how to broach the subject with Ezra. Should he be direct?

He decided to be slightly indirect by first attempting to get Ezra talking. “Ez? How long have you been in the shower? I was downstairs for twenty minutes waiting for you.” Ezra didn´t speak. Chris sighed as he studied his non-communicative friend, knowing he´d have to be much more forceful in his questioning if he wanted to get to the truth. He tried again. “Can you tell me how you got like this? Has someone hurt you?”

The keening grew steadily louder and Ezra dropped his brow onto his knees but still didn´t answer Chris.

How the hell do I get him to talk to me? Chris pursed his lips but continued valiantly with his efforts. “Can you tell me what happened? You´ve got a lot of bruises on yer body and especially round yer hips. How did you get those?” No reply except an increase in the level of crying after each question. “Are you just hurt physically or se….um. Jeez, I don´t know how to ask this, Ez.”

If it had been a stranger he was dealing with it might have been easier but this was a friend and colleague, which made it twice as hard. Chris felt awkward but he knew he was going to have to ask the all-important question straight out and just wait for a reaction, any reaction from his friend.

He took a deep breath and asked, “Have you been hurt sexually? Have you been raped?”

He heard the most unexpected sound in response to his question. Ezra laughed, but it wasn´t a pleasant laugh and ended in the total collapse of the man who had issued it. Chris had never heard such dreadful sounds being issued by a human before and he never wanted to hear them again. He knew his suspicions had been correct although he took no pleasure in being proven right. He had hoped upon hope to be wrong. As Ezra hadn´t verbally answered his question, he was still unsure whether the man had been fully raped or just sexually molested. He had a bad feeling that it was the former though, but he would only know for sure when Ezra had been examined. Chris certainly didn´t want to ask for clarification while his friend was in such a state.

“Shit Ez. Look, let me turn off the water and get you out of there. I ain´t gonna hurt ya, you know that, don´t ya?”

Ezra nodded but looked reluctant to move as he tried to rein in his emotions. Chris stood up and turned off the flow slowly while keeping a close eye on his injured agent. The blond knew Ezra would have washed off any external evidence, which was regrettable but entirely understandable in the circumstances. The need to cleanse himself and rid his body of the feel of the rapist must have been an overwhelming desire. Chris hoped that Ezra hadn´t washed or destroyed his clothes too but they were nowhere in sight in the bathroom as far as he could see. The black- clad man then looked around quickly for something to cover his friend with. He found a large towel and he draped it round Ezra´s shoulders without actually touching the man flesh to flesh. Even so Ezra flinched mightily and cried out, so Chris backed off quickly. The black-clad man shivered as he imagined what had happened to his friend. He knew he needed to get some help to deal with the undercover agent and there was only really one man to call on in such a situation.

“Look, I´m gonna call, Nate. Is that alright?” the blond asked quietly.

Again Ezra nodded and continued sobbing as he held a hand over his mouth and tried to stop crying. His world had shattered and although he was aware of Chris´s presence he really couldn´t focus on what was going on around him. Even though his eyes were open he couldn´t see beyond the images that replayed continually in his mind.

Chris walked out of the room, pulled out his cell and punched in the medic´s number with a shaking finger. “Nate? Drop whatever yer doin´ and get over to Ezra´s now,” he ordered as soon as Nathan answered.

“Chris? I can´t. I´ve gotta pick Rain up from the airport.”

The blond´s tone got a desperate note in it. “Send a cab. I really need you here. It´s……..he´s….,” Chris stuttered, unable to finish the sentence. He groaned in frustration at his lack of coherence and cursed forlornly.

“Chris? What´s wrong? Is he hurt?”

“Worse. I think he´s been raped.” There was silence on the other end of the phone and Chris couldn´t even hear the sound of breathing. “Nate? You still there?”

“Yeah, I´m here. Are you sure about this Chris? Has he told you?”

The blond could hear the disbelief in Nathan´s voice and it riled the blond as he thought that the medic assumed he was lying. Chris growled and answered Nathan more forcefully than he intended. “Not in so many words but his reaction when I asked straight out was more than enough evidence for me. Add to that the fact that I found him in the shower running water over himself like rape victims do, in his case though it was freezing cold ‘cause he´s been sat under it for so long. He´s got bad bruising on his body like he´s been held down and beaten, and his arms and legs are bleeding from where he´s tried to scrub himself clean. What else would make him do that?” Chris asked angrily.

“Alright, I´ll come now,” the medic said as he made up his mind after hearing Chris´s explanation.

“Thanks, Nate. I don´t quite know how to handle him.” The black-clad man felt his anger disappear to be replaced by relief in the knowledge that he wouldn´t have to deal with Ezra on his own for too much longer. He knew he was way out of his depth. Chris put away the phone and looked down at the carpet with tear-filled, blurry eyes and decided to stay outside the bathroom for a minute more to regain his composure. Ezra needed people around him whom he could lean on, not someone who was going to go to pieces and couldn´t give him the support he so obviously needed.

Chris looked round the bathroom as he stepped back inside and saw that Ezra was still sitting exactly where he´d left him. “Ez? Nate´s coming. Come over here and get dry. You must be freezing.”

Ezra stayed put and Chris realized that the man couldn´t move without assistance.

“You gonna let me help ya?” Chris asked quietly as he approached his distraught agent carefully.

The undercover agent nodded again so Chris reached in and pulled him gently to his feet. Even though Chris had been very careful when touching the man, Ezra still cried out and groaned as he bent double in pain. It had been so long since he´d moved he was stiff, sore, creaky and numb and he very nearly collapsed to his knees again. Chris slipped on the wet floor as the man´s full weight fell against his side so the blond quickly put out a hand against the wall to try and save them both. Don´t drop him now, whatever you do don´t drop him! Chris screamed to himself. He somehow kept them both upright and manhandled Ezra gently out of the confined space and sat him on the floor on a pile of towels. The towel round the man´s shoulders had fallen off in the move so Chris found another dry one and put that on his friend instead.

The blond then squatted down beside his friend and winced once more at the bruises he could see. “Okay Ez. You´re doin´ great. Just one thing at a time, alright?”

Chris reached out and carefully dried Ezra´s hair with a small towel and the undercover agent just sat there and let him do it, not attempting to dry the rest of his body himself. The green-eyed man continued crying and Chris couldn´t understand how he could keep it up. He must be exhausted.

The blond eventually heard a key in the front door and saw Ezra tense and heard him whimper. “It´s Nate. Don´t fret, Ez. You´re safe, buddy,” Chris said reassuringly.

“Chris? Where are you?” Nathan called from downstairs as he stood just inside the front door and listened for any sound of movement.

“Bathroom,” Chris replied as he turned his attention to Ezra´s limbs and tried to stop them bleeding. The cold water should have halted the blood flow but Ezra must have been scrubbing his skin right up to the time that Chris had found him.

The blond heard footsteps climbing and then Nathan appeared in the doorway.

“Can I come in?” the medic asked tentatively as he caught Chris´s eye before flicking his eyes at Ezra to get a quick look at him as well.

“Ez? Is it alright if Nate comes in?” Chris asked the dark-haired agent quietly.

The now quiet man shrugged and continued staring at the floor as he shook uncontrollably. He would agree to anything up to a point just to get some peace. Chris beckoned the medic in, hoping Ezra really didn´t mind his presence.

“Hey Ez.” The medic moved slowly forward into Ezra´s line of sight and sighed when he saw the state his friend was in. “I need you to tell me what happened, Ezra. Can you do that for me?” Nathan asked as he squatted down next to Chris. His eyes raked the undercover agent from head to foot, taking in all the marks on his body as Chris lifted the towel to show those underneath too.

Ezra reached his limit for cooperation and shook his head negatively and groaned as he hugged his knees tighter. He really couldn´t put into words what had happened to him. It was too soon after the event and it still felt so unreal. He knew he hadn´t dreamt it but he couldn´t imagine what he´d endured had actually happened to him. This sort of thing happens to others, not me. Why me? he questioned.

Nathan put his hands in the air to show he wasn´t going to pressure him. “Okay, Ez. I ain´t gonna force ya to talk but I really need an answer about what was done to you so we can get you the proper help and treatment. Can you just tell me if you were raped? I don´t want details, just nod if you were.”

Ezra nodded slightly but Nathan wasn´t sure if he´d imagined it. He knew he hadn´t though, when Ezra started crying in earnest again.

The medic sighed unhappily. “Did it happen here?”

Ezra shook his head and wouldn´t look at either of his companions. He just felt so ashamed of himself, ashamed of his nakedness and ashamed for letting his friends see him so totally defeated. Most of all though, he felt humiliated by admitting what had been done to him. He didn´t dare look at his friends for fear of what he´d see in their faces. He expected contempt from them because that´s what he felt about himself. He felt soiled and didn´t know why Chris and Nathan still wanted anything to do with him. How can they touch me?

The blond could see that Ezra had gone bright red in embarrassment as the man continued to cry with giant sobs wracking his small frame. The blond couldn´t bear the sound of his friend´s distress and hated seeing the man suffering alone. He reached out a tentative hand again and placed it on Ezra´s shoulder. Just because he´d touched the man before didn´t mean he´d be allowed to again. The undercover agent flinched but didn´t shake Chris´s hand away so the blond gently increased the grip and pulled his agent toward him. Ezra resisted to start with but finally ended up enveloped in Chris´s arms, being held gently against the blond´s chest. The undercover agent shivered uncontrollably and Chris knew it was a combination of shock and the cold from sitting under the shower for what must have been hours. Chris rocked the man and reached up a hand to stroke his damp hair as Ezra cried his heart out. The undercover agent still couldn´t understand why Chris was treating him so sympathetically. I don´t deserve it, he thought.

Chris patted Ezra´s back and tried to calm him down. “It´s alright, Ez. We ain´t gonna let anyone hurt ya. We´ll keep you safe,” the blond whispered.

“Too late, too late,” Ezra mumbled tearfully as he put a knuckle in his mouth to try and stifle the sobs, which still mingled with his words.

“Oh shit. I´m so sorry, Ez.”

Nathan watched for a while and then reached out his hand too. Ezra objected immediately by screaming hysterically so Nathan withdrew straightaway as Chris tried to console Ezra again. The black-clad man put his right cheek on the top of Ezra´s head and whispered quietly to the man but couldn´t feel him relax at all. Having someone so vulnerable in his arms reminded Chris of the many times when his son had suffered a nightmare and needed soothing. Chris grimaced. This is slightly different. This is a living nightmare.

“We need to get him to the hospital, Chris,” Nathan said worriedly.

“I know but how´s he gonna react to strangers? Hell, if he won´t even let you near him it´s gonna be hard. I´m surprised he´s allowed me to touch him,” the blond said as he looked at Nathan across the top of Ezra´s head.

“Well, that´s something in our favor. If you can be the one to stay with him we can take him ourselves, can´t we?” Nathan said and Chris nodded in agreement. The medic stood and stretched his legs as he looked around the room with a puzzled frown. “I´ll have a look around and find the clothes he was wearing to take with us. Need ‘em for testing.”

“Okay, you do that and I´ll try to get him ready,” the blond replied quietly.

Nathan walked out to begin his search and Chris turned to Ezra. He stroked the man´s face gently with the backs of the fingers on his left hand. “Ez? Need to get you dressed so we can take you to the hospital. I´ll just get yer pajamas. Are you okay on yer own for a while? I won´t be long.”

The undercover agent reached out and grabbed Chris´s hand and held on tight as he tugged insistently on it and began breathing rapidly in panic. He really couldn´t bear to be left on his own again.

“Alright, alright. I´ll stay here, son. I won´t leave you, Ez.” The blond took his friend back into his arms and hugged him carefully until his breathing had settled. He then dried Ezra as best he could but couldn´t help touching the bad bruises on his friend´s body. The undercover agent winced and groaned loudly so Chris stopped what he was doing immediately.

The blond looked up as the medic walked back into the room with a bag of clothes in his hand. Ezra saw it too and shivered from head to foot in Chris´s arms. Everything reminded Ezra of his attack and even the most familiar things set his heart pounding. He´d asked Chris to stay with him and even though he knew Chris´s hands on his body didn´t intend any harm, he could still feel the rapist´s hands on his flesh too. He had to stifle the urge to hit out every time the blond touched him. He felt trapped and at the moment there seemed no means of escape.

“Nate? Get his pajamas, will ya? He don´t wanna be alone and I want to keep things easy for him,” the black-clad man whispered.

“Okay. While I get them can you deal with the injuries on his arms and legs? Here´s some bandages I just got from his first aid box.”

“Thanks Nate,” Chris said as he took the offered medical supplies before Nathan left the room. He cleaned the wounds as best he could and Ezra hissed weakly as the bright red, raw and bleeding skin was touched. “Alright, Ez. I´ll be done soon. Looks like you´ve taken off several layers of skin, don´t it?”

Nathan came back with Ezra´s pajamas in his hands and Chris helped Ezra put them on at his own pace, which was dead slow with long pauses in between each movement. The undercover agent groaned and sighed and looked utterly spent when he´d finished. He leaned wearily against Chris´s shoulder and closed his eyes briefly as he slumped sideways slowly.

“I´ll carry him. He don´t look like he can stand on his own, Nate,” Chris said as he studied Ezra critically.

Nathan sighed. “Yeah, I agree. I´ll ring ahead and let the hospital know we´re coming. Shall I call Josiah too?”

“No. Don´t think we wanna crowd Ezra at the moment. He´s too vulnerable,” Chris said as he looked down at the man curled in his lap like a child.

“Okay, but what I meant was we oughta tell all the guys what´s happened. They´ll wonder what´s up when we don´t go to work this afternoon.”

Chris picked up a towel from nearby and dried his own hair as he answered the medic. “Yeah alright. They need to know I s´pose, but just tell them to stay away for the moment. He´s suffering enough as it is.”

“Sure thing. I´ll call Josiah later then after we´ve seen to Ezra´s needs. I´ll just get a blanket to wrap him in too and then we can go,” Nathan said as he disappeared quickly and came back with a thick blanket.

Chris bent down and wrapped his friend in it before scooping Ezra gently into his arms. Ezra hadn´t once looked at him in all the time he´d been with him and even now the undercover agent´s eyes were downcast. The injured man rested his head softly against Chris´s shoulder and seemed almost asleep, his exhaustion finally catching up with him for a short time. The blond headed out of the room carefully, making sure he didn´t knock Ezra´s already battered body against the door or walls in the process. Nathan took up position in front of them and walked backwards down the stairs as he watched their progress anxiously. The medic steadied the blond when he faltered but remembered to keep his hands off Ezra at all times. They finally negotiated all the hazards and made it safely outside onto the drive. Chris put Ezra in the back of Nathan´s Explorer and climbed in beside him, keeping an arm round his shoulders. Nathan climbed in the front and made sure his passengers were settled before starting the motor and setting off to the hospital.

Once they arrived at the medical facility, Ezra was taken away to have his injuries treated while Chris sat anxiously in the waiting room. Nathan used the spare time to call Josiah to explain what had happened. The profiler expressed his horror at the news and promised to contact the rest of the team immediately to pass on the information and also to ask them to stay away. The medic then phoned the police to alert them to the crime but told them he would call again when Ezra was prepared to make a statement.

Inside the hospital, Ezra became even more withdrawn if that was possible as he tried to put a halt to the many feelings he was experiencing. He was angry, embarrassed, hot and then cold, guilty, fearful and full of self-loathing. There were many other emotions he felt but he couldn´t separate them all at the moment and he wasn´t sure that he wanted to anyway.

He would only let Chris and the medical staff touch him but slowly began to accept Nathan too as more time passed by. A rape kit was run along with a few other tests and Ezra found it a traumatic experience and felt as if he´d been raped again. Up until now his body had been fairly numb but it had suddenly come back to life with a vengeance. The examination and tests carried out recently by the doctors had started a chain reaction and his whole body now throbbed with the combined pain from their ministrations and the rough treatment he´d received at the hands of the rapist. He found he could only really lie on his side without it causing too much discomfort and he wondered fleetingly how he´d been able to sit in the shower for all those hours.

He lay motionless in the bed and stared unseeingly at the wall as he wished he were anywhere but in the hospital. He wanted time to suddenly speed up so that this was all in the past and over with, instead of being endured minute by minute in the present. Time actually seemed to have slowed down, if anything.

Chris was worried about all his friend´s visible injuries but there was something else he needed to know, so he accompanied the doctor out of the room. “Is he hurt….um….you know, internally?” the black-clad man asked nervously as he wriggled in embarrassment.

The doctor nodded. “Yes he is and he´s in quite considerable pain. It was a very vicious and prolonged attack, I think, and he was lucky to get away with just the injuries he had. As you saw he was beaten quite badly so he must have resisted fiercely.”

“Yeah, I saw and I wouldn´t say he´d been lucky doc, but thank you for everything you´ve done for him,” Chris said as he walked back into the room and sat down next to his friends. After hearing what the doctor had just told him, Chris wondered just how long Ezra had endured his ordeal. The blond seethed with the injustice of it all and then looked over to the bed and watched his friend closely for any signs of distress.

Ezra started fidgeting continuously and couldn´t settle as he relived his experiences. The man felt as though a lump of ice had replaced his heart and his body seemed frozen to the core. He couldn´t get warm and no matter how many blankets his friends covered him with it didn´t make any difference. He was cold from within and that could not be alleviated by mere material.

Nathan became very concerned after Ezra grew increasingly upset and the doctor finally sedated the undercover agent to make sure he got some rest. Chris used the respite to wander outside to get some fresh air and he found Buck standing in the parking lot staring at the building´s entrance.

“Thought you were told to stay away,” Chris said angrily, although deep down he was pleased to see his friend.

“I know but I couldn´t after hearing what happened. How is he?” Buck asked as he studied the pale, trembling blond before him.

“Real bad. I feel so helpless Bucklin, but that ain´t nothing compared with how Ez must be feeling right now.”

“He ain´t said what happened?” the ladies´ man inquired quietly.

“Ain´t said hardly anything at all,” Chris admitted as he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. He was feeling shaky and sick and the act of smoking helped calm him somewhat. He blew out a cloud of smoke and sighed deeply as he shrugged and looked at Buck. “It´s like he´s been struck dumb with shock ‘cause of what happened. He´ll only communicate with nods or shakes of his head and shrugs of his shoulders. He´s devastated and I don´t know what to do to ease his pain. He´s either real quiet or crying nonstop and they just had to sedate him before I came out here ‘cause he got so upset. He was shaking like he was in a deep freeze. He just couldn´t get warm, Bucklin. Jesus, I´d castrate the bastard that did this to him,” the blond growled.

“Well, until we know where it happened and Ez gives all the details we can´t start trying to investigate,” Buck pointed out.

“I know. Forensics are testing his clothes but I don´t know how they´re getting on. The doctor ran a rape kit too and Ez just went to pieces after that. We can´t force the details outta him when he´s like this, Bucklin. It´s gotta be his choice to tell us but at the moment he´s tearing himself apart over it and won´t talk.”

Buck patted Chris´s shoulder. “How are you anyway, pard? Musta been hard for ya finding him like that.”

“Yeah, he was a real mess and I can´t get the picture out of my mind. I don´t ever want to have to ask that sorta damned question of a friend again. It seemed so heartless to ask straight out but it was the only way and I can´t describe how he reacted to it, Bucklin. It was dreadful to see.” Chris sniffed as he looked up into the sky and saw it was cloudless. A beautiful day but this is one day I´m gonna remember for other nastier reasons. Life continues out here as if everything´s okay but inside that room it´s as if the world has ended, he thought as he took another long draw on his cigarette.

Buck rubbed Chris´s back and then gave his shoulder an encouraging squeeze. “Well, you don´t have to deal with this on yer own, Chris. We´re all here as well and will do whatever we can to help.”

“Until he wants to see anyone else it´ll be up to Nate and me to try and help Ez through this. I don´t know what to do though. Should I treat him normally or with kid gloves? If I treat him gently he might get too dependent but I can´t pretend nothing happened to him.” Chris rubbed a hand over his face and sighed. The blond was beginning to realize that this day was the start of a long, hard journey for Ezra and the rest of them. The black-clad man had never felt so unsure of himself in all his life. At the moment he didn´t even know how to get Ezra to take the first step down the road to recovery.

“They´ll give you some advice, pard,” Buck said soothingly. “How´s Nate getting on? Is he okay?”

“He´s finding it difficult. Ez wouldn´t let him touch him or nothing until recently. Think Ez still feels more comfortable with me though, but I can´t do this on my own, Bucklin.”

“I just told ya, pard. We´re all here. You may have to deal with Ezra between the two of ya but let us help you. You can talk to us any time, day or night,” Buck reiterated reassuringly.

“Thanks Buck. I´d better go back in. He don´t like being alone and although he´s sedated and got Nate with him I don´t like leavin´ him for too long,” Chris admitted as he stubbed out his cigarette angrily with his boot heel.

“Okay but call if you need anything,” Buck said as he fixed his friend with a penetrating stare. “Wait Chris! Should I phone Maude and tell her what´s happened?”

“I s´pose. Don´t think Josiah did that earlier.”

Chris waved and wandered back inside the hospital and along to Ezra´s room. Nathan looked up as he entered and smiled encouragingly when he saw how pale and drawn the blond looked.

“He wake up yet?” Chris asked as he looked worriedly at Ezra. The man was curled on his side with one hand on the pillow next to his face and although he was asleep he didn´t look in the least bit relaxed. Somehow the man was still shivering while he slept and Chris trembled too in sympathy.

“Na. Probably be out of it for a while. He´s exhausted both physically and emotionally. From the reactions he´s exhibiting, he´s no doubt suffering from post-traumatic stress too.”

The two men sat in silence, both introverted as they went over the day´s events. Into that quietness, Ezra suddenly cried out and opened his eyes as he turned onto his back and seemed to be fighting with the pile of bedclothes that were heaped on top of him. The undercover agent looked around the room frantically and finally focused on Chris in relief, glad to find a familiar, friendly face.

“Ezra? Calm down, buddy. Do you remember where you are?” the blond asked as he stood and leant over his friend worriedly.

The green-eyed man nodded slowly as he recalled his attack and a solitary tear trickled down his cheek onto the pillow below. The man´s face crumpled as he rolled onto his side again with a wince and began sobbing quietly.

“Oh Ezra,” Chris said in despair as he wiped the tear away. “We really need to know what happened to you. Until you tell us, we can´t start trying to find who hurt you. Can you tell us anything?”

Ezra continued staring at the blond and finally looked away, unable to answer.

Chris reached out a hand and patted Ezra´s shoulder. “Alright, Ez. When yer ready, we´ll be here. Just don´t keep it inside ‘cause it ain´t doin´ ya no good. We need to catch the bastard before he hurts someone else. You want him caught, don´t ya?”

Ezra didn´t reply and Chris saw that the man was asleep again.

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