Chris was taking care of Ezra on his own while Nathan went to get a breath of fresh air and a drink.“Chris?”
The blond looked toward the bed in surprise. Ezra had finally spoken of his own accord. Only one word so far but that was a start. Great things come from small beginnings, Chris thought to himself.
Chris smiled but wiped the expression off his face when he thought that it wasn´t appropriate given the current circumstances. “Hey Ez. I´m here, buddy. You wanna talk?”
Ezra looked at him and Chris saw the man clenching his jaw as he considered his answer.
“Can´t,” the dark-haired man eventually whispered as he rubbed a shaking hand over his face. He was finding the whole situation degrading and he just didn´t think he could talk to anyone about it.
“Ez? I can´t say that I know what yer going through but I wanna help. I ain´t gonna pressure you to talk to me but would it help if I asked you questions instead? It might get things started and you don´t have to answer if you don´t want to. How does that sound?” Chris asked quietly as he stroked Ezra´s hair lightly.
Ezra looked anywhere but at Chris and shrugged uncertainly. Nathan opened the door to come back in at that precarious moment but backed out quickly when Chris looked up and shook his head vigorously. Chris transferred his gaze back to Ezra and hoped the man hadn´t been put off by the interruption.
“Okay, Ez. Just you and me.” Chris reached out and patted Ezra´s arm.
The dark-haired man turned over so his back was toward Chris and the blond couldn´t tell whether that was a negative sign or not. He pursed his lips together but decided to go ahead and ask his first question which Ezra did finally answer. The undercover agent kept his eyes fixed on a spot on the wall in front of him and tried to detach himself from what he was saying. He found it slightly easier to relate his tale with his back to Chris because the man was, naturally, out of sight. It was almost as if Ezra was talking to himself, but it still took him a long time to reach the end of his account. By the time he´d finished, both men had tears streaming down their faces. Ezra was, of course, suffering the most and he didn´t know how to live with the memories of what had happened to him.
Chris wiped his own eyes and tried to sound encouraging but his voice shook uncontrollably. “Well done, Ez. You get some rest while I call Bucklin. I don´t want you to be on your own so can Nate come sit with you again?” Chris asked as he wiped his face on his sleeve once more.
Ezra nodded silently to him and sighed loudly in defeat as he continued sobbing.
Chris said, “Okay, I´ll send Nate in now to keep you company. Look, the police are gonna want to talk to you to get a statement. Are you up to telling them what you´ve just told me?”
Ezra hiccuped but did nod in agreement, thinking perhaps it would be easier second time round. He´d never really considered what it was like to be on the other end of a brutal crime and ensuing police investigation and he was coming to realize that he didn´t like it. Now he was the victim and he felt lost and that he had no control over what was going on around him.
“I´ll call them too then. You did real well, Ez. I know it wasn´t easy, son.” Chris stood and reached out a hand but Ezra nearly jumped off the bed at the touch and yelled in terror. The blond kicked himself for unintentionally startling his friend but the man had reacted with extreme hypersensitivity to his well-intentioned touch. Well, is that any wonder after what he´s just told me? “Okay, okay, Ez. I´m sorry. I won´t touch you again,” the blond said as he held his hands in the air. He then stepped outside, glad to escape the claustrophobic room for a while. He looked up and down the hallway and saw Nathan still waiting for him.
“Chris? You okay?” the medic asked as he strode quickly toward his boss. He´d heard Ezra shout and wondered what had been going on inside the room.
“No. No, I´m fucking not,” Chris replied quietly as he put a hand over his mouth and tried to control his emotions. He hated showing how much this was affecting him and he tried to avoid Nathan´s eyes.
“What´s happened?”
“He told me everything, Nate,” Chris said as he finally looked up into the dark, sympathetic eyes that stared back at him knowingly. “I can´t tell you all the details but I´ll give you the bare bones. He said he´d been drinking at that bar he sometimes goes to. He left at about eleven and went to his car but someone hit him from behind. He was semi-conscious and they bundled him into his own car and drove out of town to a deserted building where he was first beaten and then raped repeatedly. He passed out and when he finally woke it was three in the morning. He´d been lying there for so long that his body had siezed up so he just lay there for another couple of hours until he got some of his strength back. During that time he musta been going over and over what had just been done to him, getting more and more upset. Torturing himself, blaming himself over something he couldn´t have prevented.” Chris shook his head in despair before continuing. “Anyway, when he made it outside he discovered his car was still there and he somehow managed to drive home, though God knows how. As soon as he got back to his house he just went straight into the shower and he musta been in there for hours ‘cause I didn´t show up until nine. Ten hours he suffered on his own, Nate. Ten hours,” the blond gulped as his voice cracked.
Nathan put his hand on Chris´s back and the blond sobbed as he thought of what Ezra had gone through. The medic drew him into his arms and held him until the man had gotten himself back in control.
“Shit! Shit!” Chris mumbled into Nathan´s shirt. “I´m sorry, Nate. I´m sorry.”
“It´s okay, Chris. Can´t expect to listen to what he said without getting real upset. What ya gonna do?” Nathan asked as he gave Chris´s back one last rub.
Chris patted Nathan´s arm in thanks and sniffed loudly. “Can you go and sit with him? I´ll contact the police and get them to handle things ‘cause we´re too involved to act objectively. I, for one, would kill the bastard if I could get my hands on him.”
“Ez´ll be okay with me, will he?” Nathan asked anxiously.
“Yeah, but he´s understandably very distressed and he wouldn´t let me touch him again.”
“Alright, I´ll leave him alone unless he obviously needs something,” Nathan agreed as he entered Ezra´s room quietly.
Chris called the police and told them everything Ezra had said and asked them to check Ezra´s car for evidence. He then called Buck. The ladies´ man was always the one he turned to in times of trouble. Vin was a damned good substitute but Chris and Buck had been through so much together that they always turned to each other first in times of crisis.
“Bucklin?” the black-clad man croaked hoarsely.
“Chris? How´s Ez, pard?”
The blond was silent as he felt his emotions getting the better of him again. He started to speak but his first word ended in a groan and he couldn´t carry on.
“Chris? You okay?” Buck asked anxiously when he heard Chris´s erratic breathing.
“He told me, Bucklin. Told me what happened,” the blond eventually replied with a hitch in his voice.
“Well, that´s good, ain´t it?” Buck answered calmly although he could tell how upset Chris was.
“Yeah, but I don´t think Ez feels any better for telling me and I feel a hell of a lot worse for hearing what he said. It was real hard to listen to, Bucklin.”
“I bet, pard. Is Nate alright?”
Chris nodded as he leant against the wall after a wave of weakness ran through his body from feet to head. “Yeah. He wasn´t there at the time although he´s sitting with Ez now. I told him some of the details and I told the police but I can´t repeat it again.”
“Okay, I understand, pard. We goin´ after who did it?”
“No, I don´t want us involved. I want the bastard caught by someone impartial ‘cause we´re liable to let our emotions cloud our judgement. It´s best if we leave well alone,” Chris replied decisively as he rubbed his eyes wearily.
Buck sighed. “Yeah, you´re right, Chris.”
The blond sighed as his thoughts turned to the rest of his men. “How are the guys coping? I´m sorry I haven´t been able to see anyone but I really can´t leave Ez as he is.”
“We don´t expect you to come Chris, but I have to admit that things ain´t so rosy this end either, pard. Now we´ve had time to think about things, we´re feeling real shaken. We´re all staying with Josiah at the moment so we can be together. He´s been real good in making sure we´re all okay and we´re just trying to deal with things in our own way while supporting each other as well,” Buck said as he quickly walked out of Josiah´s house so that he could talk in private to the blond about the other men. Once the ladies´ man was truly alone he imparted his news. “Josiah seems alright but he may be hiding his true feelings ‘cause he´s concentrating on helping us instead. Vin´s gone all quiet so I really can´t say how he is, pard. I know he ain´t very talkative at the best of times but this is kinda different and I really can´t explain how he´s acting.” Buck sighed loudly as he finally thought of the youngest member of the team. “And then there´s the kid, ain´t there? Well, he ain´t copin´ at all. He´s swinging from irritability and downright rudeness to sudden silence and tearfulness and I´m finding him real hard to handle, Chris. You know what he´s like, real softhearted and he just don´t know what to do with himself. He just keeps asking me why someone would hurt Ezra like that? I can´t answer him Chris ‘cause I´ve been asking myself the self-same thing.”
The blond could hear how upset his tall friend was getting. “I know someone else who´s softhearted Bucklin, and you ain´t mentioned yet how you´re coping,” the blond remarked sympathetically.
There was a slight pause before Buck shrugged helplessly and said, “I just keep dreaming and imagining what Ez went through. Can´t get it out of my head. I went to sleep this afternoon and woke up in a cold sweat shouting his name. As I said before, it´s really hit us all hard, Chris.” The ladies´ man sighed once more. “I just can´t begin to think how Ezra must be suffering, given how bad the rest of us feel right now.”
“I know, Bucklin,” Chris replied quietly. After hearing how his men had inevitably been affected by recent events the blond was upset that he couldn´t give them as much support as he would have liked. “I´m sorry that I can´t at least speak to you all in person. I´m responsible for all your lives and mental wellbeing and I don´t want you to think that I´ve abandoned you.”
“Chris! Jeez, I wish I hadn´t said anything now,” Buck admitted sadly. He knew Chris took safeguarding his team´s welfare very seriously but the tall agent was determined to get him to focus on the main issue. He didn´t want Chris to get sidetracked by thinking about them instead of Ezra. “Listen pard, you´re there for Ezra and he´s the one who needs the most support in all of this, not us. We know you, personally, are having a tough time as well and that´s why we´ve made the decision to take some of the burden from your shoulders by looking after ourselves.” The mustached man coughed and then continued, “To help you out as well we´re gonna go out to yer ranch later and take care of the horses for you. It´ll give us something to do and we really feel the need to keep occupied if we can. Usually if one of us is hospitalized we´d all be there helping out but this time we´ve got time on our hands and we´ve started brooding about everythin´. I do appreciate yer concern for us all but we´ll manage, pard. And before you start fretting about Vin and JD´s behavior, I can assure you that Josiah and I can cope with the youngsters between us,” the mustached agent said forcefully as he tried to put his friend´s mind at ease.
“Yeah, I´m sure you can but I´m yer boss and your friend and I should be taking care of all of you. That´s what leaders do, ain´t it?” Chris said quietly. “While you and Josiah are caring for Vin and JD, who´s caring for you two? I feel I´m letting you down and I should be there with you.”
“No! Not this time. You can´t do it all, Chris. You´ll make yerself sick. Concentrate all yer energy on Ezra because he´s your first and only concern at the moment. We can look after ourselves but he can´t. He needs you as a friend now more than ever, pard. He´s reaching out to you, so don´t you dare turn yer back on him.”
Chris was silent, knowing he couldn´t be in two places at once but wishing he could be. “I would never do that to him, Bucklin. I know yer right but it´s just that you guys are my family and I care about each and every one of you.”
“I know you do pard, but right now there´s one family member who needs you more than we do.”
Chris smiled bleakly. “Yeah and I´ll take real good care of him, you can be sure of that. Thanks for everything Bucklin and keep in touch, won´t you? It´s good to talk to you and I want to keep up with how you´re all gettin´ on. If Vin or JD wanna talk, let ‘em know I´m happy for them to call me. I want to at least help in some capacity.”
“Sure, pard,” Buck said. He knew that the blond would feel better knowing he was helping the rest of his men in some small way and Buck wouldn´t deny him that right. The ladies´ man then asked quietly as he thought of Ezra, “When do you think we can see Ez?”
“I really don´t know, Buck. It may be a while ‘cause he´s finding it hard to cope as you can imagine.”
“We can wait, Chris. Just let him know we´re thinking of him. Oh and Maude´s on her way too. Can you tell him? She was real upset, pard,” the ladies´ man said unhappily when he remembered Maude´s tearful outburst after hearing the news about her son.
“Sure, I´ll tell him. Speak to ya later.” Chris wandered back to Ezra´s room and sat down next to Nathan and looked over at the bed to find Ezra awake. “Ez? Buck called Maude to let her know about things. She´s coming,” the black-clad man informed his friend.
“I don´t wanna see her. I can´t face her,” Ezra mumbled softly as he clutched the pillow tightly as if it were a lifeline. How can I discuss this topic with her?
“She´s real worried about ya.”
Ezra shook his head vigorously and curled up into an even tighter ball. “No, no. I can´t talk to her about this, Chris. I know she´s my mother but she´s not the sort of woman that you sit down and tell your troubles to. She´ll find some way to blame me for this, I know she will.”
“I´m sure she won´t, Ez,” the blond said, although he wasn´t so sure that Ezra was wrong in his belief. Chris, though, was pleased that the man seemed to be a bit more communicative if nothing else. “Come on, calm down. Yer gonna have to face her sometime and she´s gonna be here soon. Why not just see her for a little while?” he said in the hope of changing Ezra´s mind. The undercover agent was still highly emotional and the blond could see his eyes brimming with unshed tears again so he offered a compromise. “I can stay too if ya think it´ll help.”
“Not now. I can´t face her now,” Ezra shouted forcefully, seemingly highly irritated at Chris´s persistence.
Chris nodded quietly, understanding his friend´s reluctance but smarting at the loudness of Ezra´s voice. The anger was a total temperament change so Chris decided to back off and placated the man by agreeing with him. “Okay, don´t fret. We´ll see what happens when she gets here. The police are coming too and they´ll be here to take a statement in a minute. Do you want us to stay while they do it?”
“Only you. Please, only you,” Ezra begged, not wanting Nathan to hear what he said about the attack and unaware that Chris had already told Nathan a bit about what had happened. One friend knowing the full details is enough at the moment, the undercover agent thought to himself.
“Okay. I´ll leave when they get here,” Nathan agreed, worried that Ezra was swinging so easily between anger and vulnerability.
The police came soon afterwards and the medic left while Chris sat beside Ezra and helped him through his ordeal as best he could. Ezra was shaking from head to foot when they´d finished but Chris managed to calm the man down and the undercover agent finally went to sleep. The blond stood up once Ezra had settled and went to get a drink and saw Maude storming down the hallway toward him. He planted himself in the middle of the corridor and reached out a hand to stop her. It was rather like an ant trying to halt an elephant´s charge though.
“Maude? Look, Ezra ain´t up to seeing ya just now,” he said. “The police have just been to take a statement and he´s real upset and tired. I´ve just managed to get him to sleep.”
“Where is he?” Maude asked, totally ignoring what she´d been told.
“In there.” Chris indicted the room with a nod of his head as he spoke.
“He´ll see me. I´m his mother,” Maude said in determination as she pushed past Chris.
Short of doing her physical harm, Chris couldn´t stop her and he grimaced as he wondered what Ezra would think when he woke to find her there. Shoulda stopped her but she is his mother as she said and I ain´t got the right to keep her from seeing him. Just hope Ez sees it that way.
Maude walked into the room and saw Ezra was asleep as Chris had told her. She sat on the mattress beside him and ran her fingers lightly through his hair as she studied him critically. She saw the marks on his face and neck that bore testimony to his ordeal and she scowled. She moved her hand to his face and stroked the dark bruise on his cheek and felt her anger rising at his ill treatment. Ezra stirred at the touch so Maude whispered, “Hello darlin´.”
Ezra opened his eyes and saw the remnants of the anger on Maude´s face but mistook it as being directed at him. Tears immediately appeared in his eyes as he whispered, “I´m sorry.”
“Sorry for what? You listen to me, Ezra Standish. Don´t you ever apologize to me over this. This wasn´t your fault and I´m sure you did nothing to encourage the bastard that hurt you.”
Chris was standing outside the open door in case he was needed and he winced as he heard Maude swear. That´s a first for sure. The bad language seemed incongruous coming from her mouth but given the circumstances it was understandable. The blond transferred his gaze to his agent and waited to see how he would reply to his mother.
“I thought you were angry with me ‘cause I couldn´t stop what he did to me. It was like I was paralyzed. I couldn´t move…..I knew what he was going to do but I couldn´t stop him……..I tried…..I couldn´t,” Ezra cried haltingly.
“I know, sweetheart. Don´t upset yerself, darlin´. I was angry with the person who hurt you, not with you sweetheart, never you,” Maude said as she stroked Ezra´s hair again and then kissed him.
“Oh Mom,” Ezra sobbed in despair as he broke down, completely wrong- footed by his mother´s obvious display of love.
That´s a first too, Chris thought. Ezra always called Maude, Mother. Chris made moves to re-enter the room to comfort Ezra but he came to an abrupt halt. The blond watched as Maude gathered her distressed son into her arms and held him tight as she rocked him and kissed his hair lovingly. The affection for her son showed clearly in her actions.
Jeez, wonders will never cease, Chris thought, as he turned away to give them some privacy. Maude acting like a mother should. Perhaps she´s human after all. Chris had been so used to Maude treating Ezra badly or using him for some money- making scheme that he´d always assumed that she could never show her son any real love. He´d been proved wrong. Well, this is one time that I don´t mind, he thought to himself as he walked up and down the hallway continuously until Maude emerged from Ezra´s room and headed toward him.
The woman looked pale and worried as she came to halt in front on him. She looked up at the tall, slender blond and said, “Mr. Larabee? Ezra wants to stay with you rather than coming home with me. Is that convenient?”
“Sure it is, Maude. He´s welcome.”
“I want to thank you for all you´ve done for him. I can´t envision how you must have felt when you found him at the start of this wretched affair.”
“No thanks needed,” Chris said. “This hasn´t been pleasant for anyone, least of all Ezra. You can be sure we´ll take good care of him and he can stay as long as he likes. How long are you staying for now?”
“I´m not. I have an important meeting to go to and as Ezra seems more comfortable with you I think I will leave him in your capable hands for the moment. Can I come and visit him at the weekend again though? I think he would find it easier to see me at intervals rather than me being here all the time. You know how we grate on each other nerves after a while, no matter the circumstances.”
“Sure. Let me know when you arrive and I´ll collect you from the airport,” Chris offered.
“Thank you,” Maude said and then totally confounded Chris by kissing him lightly on the cheek before leaving.
The blond put a hand up to his face where her lips had touched his skin as he watched her walk away. He shook his head and smiled as he wandered back along to see Ezra. Being kissed by Maude was like being kissed by the Queen of England. A real honor.
+ + + + + + +
That evening, the blond had a phone call from the police and after listening to what he was told he hurried back to Ezra´s room to pass on the information. He took a seat beside the bed and touched Ezra´s arm lightly before getting hold of his friend´s hand gently. The dark-haired man turned toward him questioningly so Chris said, “Ez? They´ve caught him. He can´t hurt you any more, son.”
“Jeez, that was quick,” Nathan said as he looked at Ezra to see how he was going to take the news.
The undercover agent looked set to start crying again, not sure how he should react in the circumstances. Happy didn´t seem quite right for some reason. He raised his free hand to his lips and tried to swallow the bile that had appeared in his mouth. He realized he would now have to go to court and repeat to strangers what had happened to him and he didn´t know whether he could handle that. He swallowed hastily once more but wasn´t successful in fighting off the nausea and he vomited noisily as he started shaking uncontrollably. Relief, anxiety and fear combined to produce sickness and the return of the feeling of inner cold.
Chris rose hastily and transferred his hand to his friend´s shoulder. “Alright, Ez. Don´t upset yourself. Let´s get you cleaned up.” Chris pulled the man from the bed and sat him in the chair that he´d just vacated and began helping to change his clothes.
Nathan rose and went to find someone to deal with the bed linen and returned with a nurse who quickly stripped the bed. Another nurse appeared and helped her colleague make up the bed again before leaving without speaking.
“Still feel sick?” the medic asked as he squatted in front of the trembling man and put a hand on his knee.
Ezra nodded silently as Chris rubbed his hand up and down Ezra´s upper arm comfortingly.
“Okay, I´ll get ‘em to give you something for it,” Nathan said as he helped Ezra back into bed again. He saw the look on Ezra´s face as he did so and hastily passed over a suitable receptacle.
Ezra vomited again and then whispered, “Thank you. Both of you.”
“You don´t have to thank us, Ez,” Chris said quietly after taking the bowl from his friend´s hands.
“Yes I do. I can´t describe how I feel but I know I haven´t been easy to deal with. The only thing I know for sure is that I feel stripped of my dignity and totally humiliated and I find that terribly hard to bear. I´ve never been so degraded in all my life and I don´t know what to do about it at the moment. Thank you for not giving up on me,” the undercover agent said as he kept his eyes down in embarrassment.
“We´d never give up, Ez. You´re hurtin´ and we´ll get through this together. However long it takes we´ll be here for you,” Chris replied as he put a hand under his friend´s chin and raised it until their eyes met. Chris made sure the man understood that he would keep his promise by holding his gaze for well over a minute.
Ezra finally nodded and lay down as Chris kept hold of his hand and watched him fall asleep.
+ + + + + + +
What shall I do? I feel like starting over somewhere else where no one knows what happened to me, Ezra thought to himself as he sat on the back porch of Chris´s ranch house.
Chris was watching him from the kitchen window as he thought about how much his friend had changed since the rape. Ezra even dressed differently and Chris wanted to know why. The blond wandered outside and sat down beside the undercover agent as he patted his back.
“Ez? You okay?”
The undercover agent shrugged. “I was just thinking I might…….leave,” he stuttered.
Chris frowned. “Leave? To go where?”
“I don´t know. I just want to leave all this behind me.”
“Ez, it won´t matter how many times you move, this will still be with you. You can´t leave it behind. Change of scene might help for a while but you´ll still have the memories.” His companion didn´t answer but sighed loudly in a tone that suggested agreement with Chris´s opinion. Chris decided to try and find out about Ezra´s change of attire while the man seemed in a talkative mood. The blond knew it was all connected somehow. “Can you tell me why you don´t dress like you used to?”
“I don´t want to draw attention to myself and I often wonder if he chose me because of the way I dressed. I stood out from the crowd and I don´t want to stand out anymore,” Ezra replied quietly as he kicked a stone awkwardly with the toe of his boot.
Chris was shocked by the explanation. He´d never really considered the consequences that rape had on its victims and it made him very angry to find out just how far-reaching they were. “Don´t change, Ez. You´re giving in to your fears and to the bastard that did this to you. The way you dressed probably had nothing to do with it. We´ll never know why he did it, why he chose you.”
“I know, but I feel safer dressed like this,” Ezra said as he rose and walked away, unable to talk about the subject anymore.
Chris frowned and shook his head but didn´t know how to help his friend at all. He was doing his best but he was worried that he might be making matters worse instead. He sure hoped not.
+ + + + + + +
Chris had decided to arrange for some counseling sessions for Ezra in the belief that they would help the man come to terms with what had happened to him. He was driving Ezra back to the ranch after attending his first session and Chris thought that his friend at least seemed a bit happier. The undercover agent, though, was still very quiet, he slept badly if at all and wouldn´t eat properly. Chris knew it was in reaction to what had happened to him but he also knew that another contributing factor was that Ezra was very apprehensive about meeting the rest of his friends. The dark-haired man wasn´t sure how he, or they, would react. Ezra had already spoken the previous evening of his trepidation and Chris thought back on their conversation.
The previous evening
The blond was sitting on the couch in the living room when the subject arose. He´d been wondering how long it would be before Ezra began worrying about it.
“None of the others are coming this weekend, are they?” Ezra asked nervously. He knew Maude had arranged to visit and he didn´t feel that he could handle anyone other than her for the time being. “I wouldn´t know what to say to them.”
“They´re all yer friends, Ez. There´s no need to feel awkward with them,” Chris said to him. He could tell though that Ezra wasn´t happy.
“I can´t help how I feel, Chris. It´s just……Oh God, it´s hard to explain. I just know that when they look at me they´re gonna……they´ll treat me differently. I feel different, embarrassed……ashamed….... I can´t explain it,” Ezra replied as he shrugged forlornly. “They´ll think I was weak for letting it happen.”
“No Ezra,” Chris interrupted hastily. He knelt down in front of Ezra and put his hands on either side of his friend´s face and made Ezra look at him. No. They won´t think that.”
“Why not? I do,” Ezra said quietly as his eyes filled with tears. He hated crying but he didn´t have any control over his emotions at the moment. It only took the tiniest thing, not necessarily to do with his ordeal either, to set him off.
Chris kept his hands on his friend´s face but moved his thumbs to wipe away the tears that trickled down Ezra´s cheeks. “You remember what Maude told ya at the hospital? You weren´t to blame,” Chris said forcefully before going back to the subject at hand. “All the boys have been worried sick about ya and they´ve been deeply affected by what happened to you. They´ve all wanted to come to help but I asked them to stay away until you were ready to see them. They´re real concerned for ya welfare, Ezra.” Chris moved to sit beside the man and put an arm round his shoulders wishing he could take away the hurt that the man was feeling.
“I don´t think I´ll ever get over this. I don´t know how to move on, Chris. It occupies my thoughts every minute of every day.”
“I know you feel there ain´t no light at the end of the tunnel but we´re gonna do all we can to help ya recover from this. You´ve just gotta let us, Ez. You won´t ever forget what happened, I know that, but as I told ya before we´re always gonna be around for you to talk to. Tomorrow, next year or in ten years. You understand?”
Ezra sighed and wiped his face as he nodded.
“You´re a survivor and you´ll get through this. You don´t want that bastard to beat you, do ya? Do you want him to know that he´s won? That´s what rapists want. That power over you, to ruin you, to know that they´ve brought you to the brink of despair. Don´t let him succeed, Ez. Show him that you´re not bowed down by what he did to you. Go to court and nail him to the wall.” The blond looked at his friend and saw he looked strained so he decided to end the conversation. “Get some rest, Ez. You look tired. Want something to eat before you go upstairs?”
“No, thank you,” Ezra said as he stood. He turned back to the blond and looked directly at him. “I appreciate you taking me into your home, Chris.”
“I want you here. I don´t want you on your own through this,” Chris said as he watched his friend walk away.
Back to the present
The blond swung onto the track that led to his house. He´d spoken to Vin and Buck the previous night and had arranged for them to be at the house on Ezra´s return from the hospital today. Chris thought it might be a good time for Ezra to meet a couple of the men in familiar surroundings and he thought Buck and Vin would be the right men to start with. Both agents had been very eager to do their bit to help their friend. Although Ezra had expressed reservations about seeing anyone Chris thought that now he´d tackled the subject he should meet the problem head on. The longer he left it, the harder it would be.
He drove up to the house and Ezra climbed out of the Ram unsuspectingly. He looked across the yard when he detected movement and saw Vin riding one of Chris´s horses in the corral. The undercover agent came to a halt and looked back over his shoulder at Chris apprehensively before turning to look at Vin again. He felt the color drain from his face as he shivered and wondered what to say or do.
“Hey, Ez!” Vin shouted. He waved in greeting and tried to remain calm while acting as normally as possible. He knew Ezra needed stability and consistency in the way he was dealt with. The undercover agent needed his friends to treat him in the way that they always had or he would probably disintegrate. With that in mind, the sharpshooter smiled and asked teasingly, “Come to muck out the horses, have you?”
Ezra smiled apprehensively and relaxed slightly as he replied shakily, “Not likely, Mr. Tanner.”
“Yeah, that´d be right,” Vin said with a grin as he raised his eyes to Heaven in disgust. “Don´t wanna get dirty, do ya?”
Chris put a hand on Ezra´s shoulder and squeezed it encouragingly. Ezra turned to face him and Chris was glad to see a less haunted look in the green eyes that met his. Chris could tell Ezra knew he´d been set up but didn´t seem to be unduly upset by it. In fact he looked grateful although he was still pale and Chris could feel him shaking under his hand.
“Mr. Larabee? Might I stay and watch Vin riding? I feel the need of open spaces and fresh air,” Ezra asked after a while.
“´Course ya can, Ez. Let´s move a bale of hay for you to sit and watch on.”
Ezra took up residence and seemed content to watch Vin silently as he picked distractedly at the bale beneath him. Arnie appeared and sat down by his feet with his wagging tail beating against the side of the bale noisily. Ezra reached out a hand and the dog licked it and almost seemed to smile in welcome. The animal nuzzled his knee and Ezra began stoking his fur over and over again.
Suddenly from behind him a booming voice asked, “So what marks outta ten do you give Vin for riding style, pard?”
Buck appeared from the barn and inwardly winced at the rainbow- hued bruises that were still visible on Ezra´s cheek and neck. The ladies´ man managed to keep any emotion off of his face, other than pleasure, as he looked at his friend.
Ezra flinched and bit his lip but finally said quietly, “12.”
“What?” Buck asked in disbelief as he planted himself in front of his friend with hands on hips.
“12,” Ezra insisted a little more forcefully.
“Has he bribed you?” Buck asked suspiciously as he sat down beside Ezra without touching him.
Chris stood in the house doorway and watched his friends interacting. He saw Buck lean over toward Ezra and whisper something in his ear. Chris then heard a sound that he´d been dying to hear since Ezra´s release. The undercover agent laughed out loud and punched Buck lightly on the upper arm at what had been said to him. The two men tussled and fell off the bale still laughing mightily as Arnie circled them continuously while barking madly. Buck was careful that he didn´t hurt his friend and kept him enveloped in his arms as Ezra visibly relaxed. The fact that the undercover agent didn´t pull away from the embrace was encouraging too.
Chris smiled and said out loud to himself, “You´ll heal, Ez. It´s gonna take time and there´ll be setbacks along the way but you´ll heal.”
The End
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