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Learning to Improvise…
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Vin woke from his light doze when he heard a soft knock at the door. In one smooth move he had his sawed off up, and pointed at the door, watching warily. It should be a friend, but it never hurt to be careful. The knob rattled and then the door opened slightly."Vin? It’s me."
Ezra. He’s back already? Vin glanced at the shadows cast on the wall and realized he’d been a sleep longer than the thought. Judging by the short shadows and bright room, it was nearly noon.
"C’mon in." Vin called out, and lowered his weapon when Ezra slipped in, shutting the door behind him. Vin yawned, and rubbed his eyes with one hand, coming fully awake. "Thought Chris locked that when he left." Vin mumbled.
"I’m sure he did." Ezra grinned at him, green eyes bright with mischief. "I picked the lock."
Vin chuckled greatly relieved to hear such a light tone of voice coming from Ezra. Sounds like he’s doin’ all right. Weren’t so sure he’d be okay…not with this mornin’ an’ all. He smiled warmly at his lover, and pointed vaguely toward the door. "Yer gonna have to show me how ta do that some day."
"Certainly." Ezra raised two fingers in salute. "It is definitely a useful skill. Facilitates entry into nearly anywhere."
Vin rolled his eyes. "You coulda asked Chris for the key."
Ezra shrugged, nonchalantly. "My way was easier." He stepped over to the bed, and sat down gingerly on the edge, perching close to Vin. One hand came up to cup Vin’s face, his expression soft. "I didn’t mean to wake you."
Vin turned his head, and placed a quick kiss in Ezra’s palm. "Was jus’ nappin’. No harm done."
Vin grinned. He was glad Ezra was back. Somehow everything thing was better when Ezra was around. "Shouldn’t be sleepin’ in the middle o’ the day anyhow."
Ezra frowned, small lines forming between his brows. "You need the rest."
"Rest?" Vin rolled his eyes and snorted. "Was bored is all."
Ezra raised an eyebrow. "Bored?" He nodded in satisfaction. "Then you’ve been staying put."
"Yep. Didn’t like it, but I’ve been here all morning. Jus’ like ya told me to." Vin looked at Ezra slyly, measuring the man suggestively. "I get some kind o’ reward for bein’ a good boy?"
"A reward?" Ezra cocked his head to one side, expression serious as though he were considering Vin’s question, but his eyes were twinkling. "Well, I suppose that could be arranged."
Vin smiled, offering an invitation. "Ya think so?"
"Oh definitely." Ezra edged a little closer. "With certain conditions, naturally."
Vin raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that. "Conditions?"
"On what you wanted for a reward, of course." Ezra grinned at him, dimples flashing briefly. "I can not give you the sun, moon, or stars, but anything else, within my power, is yours."
Vin stared at him, momentarily stunned by that heart-felt, honest declaration. Man alive. He has such a way with words. "A kiss." Vin’s answer was definite once he recovered his voice.
"A kiss?" Ezra licked his lower lip, and Vin’s eyes couldn’t help but follow the movement of his tongue. "Are you sure?" Ezra winked at him, a definite leer gracing his features. "Is that all?"
Vin reached out to pull Ezra closer. "For now." He whispered against Ezra’s soft lips, before diving in for a deep kiss. He sucked gently on Ezra’s tongue, his own tongue dueling lazily for a moment, delighting in the taste and feel. Never can figure out how come he tastes sweeter’n fresh peaches.
Vin pulled away with a reluctant sigh. He rested his forehead against Ezra’s, cupping his lover’s face with both hands. "Missed you."
"Missed you, too." Ezra’s voice was a husky whisper.
Vin pulled him to a hug, enjoying the feel of Ezra being so close. With Ezra close to him, Vin breathed a sigh of satisfaction. Everything was right with his world again. He felt like his balance had slipped this morning, his whole world knocked askew by what Ezra had told him. Talking to Chris had helped him regain his some sense of equilibrium. Holding Ezra, now, Vin felt like he had his feet under him again.
"Things were quiet?" Had to have been. He’s back from patrol on time. But it don’t hurt to make sure.
Ezra nodded his head against Vin’s shoulder. "No trouble." Ezra sighed softly. Vin could feel a shift in his emotions with that soft sound. "Nathan is still at the Cavanaugh’s."
Vin held his lover tighter, wincing at that bit of news. Aw..hell. Don’t bode well fer the baby then. He knew Ezra had a soft spot for children. The gambler seemed to connect with kids in ways he simply couldn’t with adults.
Ezra pulled away. He half-smiled at Vin, green eyes shadowed. "You are all right?"
Vin knew Ezra was asking about more than his physical health. "Yeah." He raised a hand to caress Ezra’s cheek with one knuckle. "Talked ta Chris."
"I know." Ezra captured Vin’s hand and held it. "Saw him in the livery when I got back."
Vin’s eyes narrowed. He hadn’t expected Chris to do that. Vin didn’t think Chris would do anything to upset Ezra, but he wasn’t sure his friend truly understood just how to walk soft when it came to the gambler. He wouldn’t have done it on purpose, but he still might have upset Ez. "Chris behave himself?"
Ezra laughed, a light pealing sound of delight. Vin loved hearing Ezra laugh that way. Need ta find ways ta make him do it more often.
Vin relaxed slightly. Ezra’s laugh had been unforced, and genuine. Chris couldn’t have upset him then. But I didn’t really get an answer ta my question. "C’mon, Ez, tell me he didn’t give you any grief?"
Ezra squeezed Vin’s hand, still chuckling. "Chris was acting rather out of character. Certainly not what I expected."
"This is a good thing, right?" Seems ta be, but with Ez ya never can tell.
"Oh indeed." Ezra leaned in to place a quick kiss on the tip of Vin’s nose. "A very good thing." Ezra pulled away, and released Vin’s hand. "Now, with Nathan unlikely to return today, perhaps I should see to your leg."
"My leg’s fine." It sent him little painful reminders if he moved to quickly, or the wrong way. But other than that, it was fine. He didn’t want to draw attention to it. With any luck, he’d be getting out of Chris’ room today and back to Ezra’s.
Ezra gave him a quelling look, reminding Vin of looks he’d seen some of the mother’s in town give their children. "That doesn’t mean the bandage should not be changed. And, I would feel immeasurably better if you let me determine for myself the state of your health."
Vin sighed heavily. He wasn’t going to win this battle. Better ta give in now, and take my chances. I fight too hard and he’ll think I’m lying. He flipped the quilt back to reveal his leg. He was still wearing Ezra’s silk shorts, and his bandaged thigh was readily visible.
"If it’ll make ya feel better, then have at it."
Ezra smiled. He moved over toward the dresser where a pitcher of water and a basin sat. He washed his hands and dried them, before picking up the roll of bandages Nathan had left there last night. Vin watched Ezra deftly undo the old bandage. His touch was light and gentle. Not that Vin expected anything else. The gambler had shown himself to be good at this sort of thing yesterday when he helped Nathan.
Ezra studied Vin’s healing wound. He ran a gentle hand over it, almost a ghosting, not really touching. "Hmm…cool. Good." Ezra was murmuring, seemingly more to himself than anything else. "No redness. No puss. Excellent."
Vin glanced at the hole in his leg. It was ugly, but looked like it was healing cleanly. He knew what his lover was looking for. He’d treated enough of his own injuries over the years to be familiar with signs of trouble. Heat, swelling, and discoloration were usually the easiest to recognize.
No fresh blood. Scabbin’ over like it should. Vin pursed his lips as he studied the wound. Gonna scar fer sure. One more scar didn’t bother Vin much. He had acquired quite a few of them over the years. Scars are jus’ prove ya lived. Mortal wounds don’t let ya live long enough ta get a scar.
He flexed his thigh experimentally, pleased with how well it responded, despite the sudden rush of pain. Ezra shook a finger at him. "No more of that, Vin Tanner."
"Jus’ checkin’ ta see if it worked all right."
Ezra shook his head, sending a sharp look at Vin, clearly not pleased with Vin’s reason. "Be still." The command was gentle, but still a command none the less. Vin sat unmoving while Ezra bandaged his leg with a clean cloth.
"You’ve had practice at this?" Ezra’s deft moves suggested as much.
Ezra shrugged one shoulder. "Once or twice."
Vin raised an eyebrow. "War?"
Ezra dipped his head, eyes focused on securing the bandage in place. "Before, during and after."
Vin nodded. He could easily say the same. Although, for the most part it was his own injuries he treated. Vin had a feeling Ezra had a fair amount of practice treating others.
"Ya ever think of helpin’ Nate?"
Ezra looked up, green eyes showing surprise. "I sincerely doubt Mr. Jackson would welcome my assistance."
"Don’t think that’s personal, Ez." Vin offered, although, with Nathan it could be hard to tell. "Nate don’t think any o’ us are… uh…qualified."
Ezra nodded slightly. "And he may well be right. Rudimentary skills are the best I could lay claim too. I would likely only get in his way."
Don’t know what rudimentary means, but ya seem ta know what you’re doin’ jus’ fine ta me. "Nate let you help last night." Vin pointed out. "An’ ya didn’t get in the way."
"A unique set of circumstances to be sure." Ezra waggled his eyebrows at Vin, eyes twinkling. "I believe Mr. Jackson labors under the delusion that you are more cooperative in my presence. I can’t imagine why he would think that?"Vin shook his head, a smile playing on his lips. He was better behaved for Ezra. He knew how much it hurt to watch someone you loved suffer. Found out the hard way just last month when Ezra had been nearly strangled by a would-be bank robber. So he drank Nathan’s stinky teas, and let him poke and prod, if it would make things easier for Ezra, Vin would cooperate. Ez does the same thing. Quite a pair, the two o’ us.
"And Mr. Jackson’s feelings not-withstanding, I have no desire to practice medicine on any one." Ezra patted his leg lightly, making sure the bandage was smooth, not too loose or too tight. "I am not well suited to humanitarian work. My bed side manner is abysmal."
"Abysmal?" Vin frowned. "What’s that mean?"
"Dreadful."
Vin pursed his lips. He didn’t think there was anything abysmal about Ezra. Before he got the chance to speak that his mind on the subject, Ezra was already straightening up, and moving away toward the dresser.
"Would you like to put your pants on?"
Vin nodded eagerly. He didn’t mind wearing Ezra’s silk shorts, but felt better wearing his own pants. "Woulda put ‘em on ‘fore now, but I couldn’t find ‘em."
Ezra’s expression, when he turned around holding Vin’s pants in his hands, was far too innocent for Vin to believe. Figures he’d hide ‘em somewhere. Knows full well, I’d stay put rather than parade around town in these things he loaned me. Sneaky son-of-a-bitch. Got a love a man who looks out for my own good.
Ezra offered him his pants. They had been cleaned, and repaired. Vin raised his brows. "When ya get this done? Better yet, how? You weren’t carryin’ anything when ya left this mornin’. And I didn’t see you bring ‘em in with you."
Ezra smiled slightly, and shrugged. "Magic."
Ezra refused to give Vin any other answer. He helped Vin slip into his pants, after suggesting Vin leave the shorts on for now saying it would make disrobing for Nathan less of a trial later. Vin felt better almost immediately. It just hadn’t felt right to be only half dressed. Least wise not when I know we got company comin’ sometime today. A knock at the door seemed timed just to prove his point.
"Vin? Ezra? It’s Chris."
"Just a moment, Mr. Larabee." Ezra called out. He helped Vin repositioned himself, now thankfully totally dressed, on top of the blankets, and straightened the bed a bit, before moving toward the door. He opened it, and with a flourish waved his hand in a gesture that welcomed Chris into the room. Vin’s stomach rumbled loudly when he caught a whiff of what Chris was carrying.
"Lunch?"
Chris nodded. "Yep. Got roast beef, mashed potatoes, and green beans."
Vin sat up further. "Gravy?"
"Naturally." Chris set the tray down on the dresser. He uncovered a plate, and handed it to Ezra. Ezra immediately passed it off to Vin. Chris frowned. With a stern look, he handed the second plate to Ezra. "Eat that."
Ezra sighed, and took the plate. He moved to sit on the bed, next to Vin. Chris took the chair, holding his own plate. Vin moved his plate so that it rested next to Ezra’s. He used his fork to push the green beans on his plate over to Ezra’s.
Ezra raised an eyebrow at him. Vin shrugged. "Don’t like green beans."
Ezra smirked. "And all this time, I assumed there was nothing you would not devour."
"Don’t like liver either." Vin stated. He shot a questioning look toward Ezra. He knew Ezra tended to eat small meals, and preferred his food to be well cooked, but he’d never heard him absolutely refuse anything based on a taste preference. He’d voiced numerous complaints about the quality, but usually not about the actual food choices available. "Anythin’ you won’t eat?"
"Asparagus." Ezra cocked his head to one side. He made a face of distaste. "And I positively loathe okra."
Vin looked at Chris, curious to learn if his friend had any dislikes. It wasn’t something that ever came up before. "What ‘bout you, Cowboy?"
"Beets. Grits." Chris sighed. "And I really hate yams." Chris shook his head slightly. "My momma tried to get me to eat ‘em, but I always fed ‘em to the dog under the table."
Vin grinned. He had no trouble at all picturing Chris as a kid trying to avoid eating yams. Sounds like him.
Chris grinned back at him. "Eat your lunch." Chris admonished, pointing his fork at Vin as though he were threatening him with it.
Vin tucked in, finding he was hungrier than he thought. Breakfast seemed like a very long time ago. As Vin ate, he watched Ezra nibble at the beans. The cardsharp seemed content to just push the potatoes around on his plate, and hadn’t taken a single bite of his roast beef. Vin shared a look with Chris. They both knew the gambler tended to be a picky eater, but this was more than that. Ezra always ate less when he was nervous or worried. It was probably the only definite, and consistent, tell they were aware of.
Vin’s jaw tightened. He knew Ezra hadn’t eaten well while he was away. The gambler was definitely thinner than when Vin had left. Vin had a feeling all Ezra might have eaten last night was a piece of pie. It was all Vin had seen him consume, and he wouldn’t put it past Ezra to have skipped dinner. The gambler hadn’t really been gone very long before he’d come back with hot water and two pieces of pie.
Chris looked at Vin, and nodded slightly, letting him know he’d back whatever move Vin made. I’m not gonna let him starve himself over this. Would consider making Buck and Josiah wait, but I think waitin’ would jus’ make it worse for Ez. Decision made, Vin bumped Ezra’s shoulder. "Ez?"
"Yes?" Ezra looked up.
"Quit playin’ with that. Yer s’posed to eat it."
Ezra sighed. "I’m not hungry, Vin."
"Don’t care if yer hungry." Vin stated calmly, trying to sound reasonable. "Ya need ta eat."
Ezra looked away. Vin watched him, waiting. All else fails, I’m gonna tie him down and force feed him. Don’t want to do that. Really don’t want to. "Please, Ezra. Don’t want you getting sick."
"I won’t—"
"Ya will if ya aren’t eatin’." Vin insisted, his voice soft, but firm. He’d used that same tone of voice to good effect in the past. Ezra never responded positively to being insulted, cussed at or ordered about. Not that anyone really responded positively to those things, but Ezra could be stubborn like no one else Vin had ever met. Like working a green colt…take yer time, give ‘im a chance ta think it though, and encourage ‘im to do what ya want him to. Ya don’t get anywhere forcing it.
Vin waited a beat. "Know ya didn’t eat good while I was away. Body can only go so long like that." He left the fact that he needed Ezra to be whole and healthy unspoken, but he knew Ezra understood what he didn’t say.
Vin could see Ezra waver. The gambler closed his eyes, and nodded. He reluctantly ate a bite of beef. Vin kept watching him, silently encouraging him, until Ezra had eaten all of the beans, most of the potatoes and half the beef. Ezra handed Vin his plate.
"I simply can’t ingest anymore."
Vin took the half-empty plate. He handed it off to Chris. "Good enough." He was actually surprised that Ezra had eaten as much as he had.
Vin captured Ezra’s hand and held it. "It’s gonna be okay. Honest."
Ezra sent a wary look toward Chris, and seemed to relax when the gunslinger didn’t say or do anything about their joined hands. Chris calmly stacked the three plates, and then rose to return the plates to the tray. "Don’t need to worry, Ezra. Vin and I will see to it that everything goes smoothly."
Ezra raised an eyebrow, and shot an incredulous look toward Vin. "You must have had some conversation this morning." Ezra whispered, just loud enough for Vin to hear, but not loud enough to carry to Chris.
Vin smiled, and squeezed Ezra’s hand. "You have no idea." He whispered back.
Chris gave them both a stern look. "You two stay here. I’ll take this stuff back, and round up Buck and Josiah while I’m at it."
Vin could feel a faint tremble in the hand he still held. He squeezed. It will be okay. Even if I have to kill someone ta make it that way.
+ + + + + + +
Josiah had woken up early, as he usually did. But on this day, he never left the sanctuary of the church. He had forgone breakfast, preferring to fast. Needing the quiet and solitude of the church, he’d spent nearly every minute on his knees from the time he rolled out of bed praying for guidance and forgiveness. He had focused on his own conduct, examining every detail, every thought and motive. The insight he’d gained didn’t really please him, but it did give him what he was looking for.
Josiah sighed deeply. He levered himself off the floor, and rubbed his aching knees. He was too old to spend so much time on his knees any more. Josiah regarded his pain philosophically. If I had thought first and acted second, I wouldn’t have needed such a painful reminder. Penance earned and richly deserved.
The big man eased himself into the pew, and stared vacantly at the cross hanging before him. Over the past few hours, he had come to understand more of what Buck had said to him last night. ‘It isn’t about you.’ Indeed, brother. Truer words were never spoken.
In his desire to forge a closer bond with Ezra, Josiah had completely overlooked how the younger man might feel about his paternal leanings. The boy is long past the age when a father is wanted or needed. I should not have pushed so hard. Or so blindly.
Josiah sighed. In his conversations with Maude, Ezra’s father never came up. The fact that Maude had been married more than once did. Maybe the boy has just had one father too many.
Josiah shook his head. None of that really mattered. The reasons were immaterial. Ezra had stated his preference, and Josiah had consistently ignored it. It shamed the big man to think he had run roughshod over someone he professed to care a great deal about. And he did care about Ezra.
Not that my actions have shown that. Josiah rubbed one hand tiredly over his face. He had promised himself he would abandon his self-pity, and it was time to act on that resolution. I need to be able to make peace with Ezra. The only way to do that is to find away past this.
Unbidden, Josiah’s mind readily conjured up a picture of Ezra from the previous evening, gun out, pointed at him, ready and willing to fire, determined to be heard. Another image rose to join it. One of Josiah’s father, standing at the pulpit spouting yet another fire and brimstone speech, castigating his son for failing to be more righteous, more upright, more the man he deemed worthy. Josiah remembered as a child feeling the desire to escape at all cost, a willingness to do almost anything just to make his father stop. He closed his eyes against both images realizing that they had far more in common than he wanted to admit.
Josiah leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He had wanted more from Ezra than just friendship. He tried to force a deeper bond than Ezra was willing to allow. Just like his father, Josiah had been deaf to Ezra’s repeated requests that he cease and desist. In his heart, Josiah knew full well, that had he not forced it, the deeper bond he had wanted so badly would have forged naturally. All that had been required was for him to give it time, and to respect Ezra’s wishes.
Will just have to start over. Josiah nodded to himself. If it were too late, Ezra would have shot me. The former preacher took a deep breath. Just need to listen more. Pay attention, and stop treating him like his opinion, and wishes, don’t matter. Treat him the way I do the others. Give him the space he wants…needs. The Golden Rule came to mind.
Josiah wished he had some idea of when Ezra would be willing to talk to him. He no longer wanted answers, and no longer felt he even had the right to them. Ezra had been correct when he said Josiah had taken so much on faith. Nearly everything in his life he had tried accept, tolerate, adjust to, or made allowances for so that he could live peaceably. Everything and everyone except for Ezra.
From him, Josiah had unwittingly demanded explanations, insisted on clarification. It was only to Ezra that Josiah had turned a deaf ear, and a blind eye. He no longer felt he was in a position to ask for reasons, or justification. His own actions had negated his right on that issue. Had he not overridden Ezra, and pushed where he wasn’t wanted, last night would never have happened. Josiah recognized his part in that fiasco, and wanted to consider it a lesson learned. He wanted a chance to move forward, but wasn’t certain if it would be given.
Chris promised Ezra time, and there was really no telling how long that would be. Not to mention, it may well be Chris will be the only one he’ll talk to. Josiah’s heart twisted at the thought of having lost any chance to make it right. No! No. It isn’t too late. Never too late. Josiah latched on to that thought, and prayed fervently that he wasn’t wrong. He needed the chance to tell Ezra he was sorry. That what had happened was not the younger man’s fault.
Josiah looked up when the door of the church creaked open. Buck sauntered in. The ladies man looked at Josiah, his eyes assessing the bigger man with a frank appraisal.
"Josiah…you get any sleep last night?"
"Some." There was no point in lying. He’d spent a fair bit of the night tossing and turning, wrestling with his inner demons.
Buck nodded, clearly not surprised by the answer. "C’mon then."
"Where?"
"Ran inta Chris at the restaurant. He said Ezra wanted ta talk to us."
Josiah felt hope swell in his chest. "Us?"
"Yeah, us." Buck slapped him lightly on the arm. "As in you and me."
Josiah rose to his feet. He followed Buck outside. He was momentarily surprised when instead of heading for the saloon, Buck made for the boarding house. "Buck, where did Ezra say he wanted to talk to us?"
"Chris’ room. Vin wants to be there." Buck shrugged, seemingly unconcerned. Josiah envied the ladies man’s relaxed attitude. He wished he felt as blasé about this meeting as Buck seemed to be. There was just too much at stake for him to take it lightly.
Josiah thought it made sense for Vin to be present. The tracker was able to reach Ezra last night. And Chris made a point of leaving Ezra with Vin. Seems ta me that means Vin knows more than the rest of us already. He likely wants to be there to support Ezra. And as much as it pains me to consider it, Vin might think he has to be there to protect Ezra from me.
Josiah swallowed hard at that thought. It hurt worse to think that Ezra might feel the need to be protected from him. He sighed silently, vowing to stay true to the resolutions he’d made earlier, and kept pace with Buck as they headed up the street.
Wonder how Vin is feeling this morning? Josiah felt a momentary flash of shame. He hadn’t even thought to check on his wounded companion. Although, given the dagger-like looks he’d gotten from Vin before leaving the room last night, it was probably just as well that Josiah hadn’t stopped in to see him. That boy tends to protect those he considered friends with a fierceness that borders on frightening.
When they reached the boarding house, Chris was leaning against the porch railing, an unlit cigar in his mouth. He tipped his head to both of them. "Buck. Josiah."
"Chris." Buck and Josiah answered together.
Chris pulled a match from his pocket and struck it, lighting his cigar. He puffed on it once, looking steadily at Josiah. "You got your head on straight?"
There was no malice in the question. But it was direct, and unflinching. Josiah had no doubt that if he gave the wrong answer, Chris would refuse him entry. He clamped down hard on the anger that flared in him. It was insulting to be taken to task by a man more than ten years his junior. He reminded himself forcibly that it was a valid concern. None of them wanted a repeat of last night. And his wallowing in self-pity in the saloon hadn’t spoken well of him.
In a moment of insight, Josiah realized he was more embarrassed than angry. It was his own fault that Chris even had cause to ask. Forcing himself to make eye contact and hold it, putting aside his anger and embarrassment, Josiah nodded. He knew the gunslinger was doing what he felt was best, and having followed the man this far, Josiah figured he might as well continue to let the younger man lead.
"All right then." Chris puffed his cigar again. "Let’s go hear what the man has to say." He turned and headed inside. Buck waved a hand, letting Josiah precede him.
Chris rapped his knuckles lightly against door. Ezra opened the door a moment later. Josiah studied him carefully as Chris and Buck stepped in. Boy sure looks better today. The big man was somewhat disappointed that Ezra’s expression was blandly neutral. He could read nothing from it. Not that I ever really could. Unnatural for a man to have that much control over himself.
Ezra moved to stand near the head of the bed, near where Vin was sitting in the bed. He leaned casually against the wall, but Josiah didn’t miss the look that passed between the gambler and the tracker. It was a request for reassurance and it seemed to be freely given. They didn’t physically touch, but there was no mistaking a connection existed between them.
Buck stepped to the left of the door, and took up a position similar to Ezra’s by leaning against the wall, his arms folded across his chest. Chris sat at the foot of the bed, leaving the chair for Josiah. Josiah stepped toward it hesitantly. The chair had been moved so that it was now almost in the center of the room. The ex-preacher wasn’t entirely comfortable taking what amounted to being the center of attention, but it was obvious that’s where he was expected to sit.
Ezra smiled slightly. "Have no fear, Mr. Sanchez, this will not be an execution. Nor will judgement be passed." He waved an elegant hand toward the chair. "Please…sit."
Josiah looked dubious, but sat down. He faced Ezra, and tried to ignore the assessing looks he was getting from Vin. The tracker reminded him of a mountain lion stalking its prey. The look from Chris was only slightly better.
Ezra took a deep breath, and straightened, pulling away from the wall to face Josiah squarely. "Mr. Sanchez, my behavior last night was inexcusable."
"No, Ezra. It wasn’t your—"
The gambler held up a hand, stopping Josiah from saying anything else. "I would have killed you, Mr. Sanchez. Make no mistake." Ezra’s jade green eyes regarded him calmly, unflinching. He wasn’t apologizing, merely stating a fact. "That I may have felt there was just cause to warrant such an extreme action is immaterial. The fact remains, I was very close to terminating your existence."
Josiah swallowed hard. "I’m sorry."
"As am I, Mr. Sanchez, also very sorry about what occurred." Ezra’s expression soften, warming into something far more open than it had been just a moment ago. It eased some of the tightness Josiah had felt in his chest ever since Buck had some to the church to get him.
"Shouldn’t have happened." Josiah tried to convey how much he regretted his actions through that statement.
"No. It should not have." Ezra agreed. "However, the fault is not entirely yours." Ezra again held up a hand stopping Josiah from speaking. "You were the catalyst, but the entire reaction was by no means solely your fault."
The look on Vin’s face clearly said he disagreed with that sentiment. Chris looked slightly more forgiving. Josiah still blamed himself, even if neither Ezra nor Chris seemed to. It may not have been entirely his fault, but Ezra wasn’t to blame either.
"Catalyst?" Buck asked quietly. Josiah had almost forgotten he was there.
Ezra’s gaze flickered toward Buck. "Dynamite by itself is not always dangerous. It can often be bandied about harmlessly. However, use the right catalyst," Ezra shrugged, "say a match, and it becomes explosive."
"So you were like dynamite?"
Ezra tipped his head. "And Mr. Sanchez unwittingly provided the appropriate spark to—"
"Make ya explode." Buck finished for him.
"Exactly."
Chris spoke softly, his tone encouraging, non-judgemental. "And none of us really want to have that happen again. It’s why we’re here."
Chris’ tone might be reassuring, but Vin had yet to completely thaw. The big man was uncomfortable being under the silent, unwavering gaze of the tracker on the bed. He didn’t know what the Texan was looking for, but he hoped Vin found it soon. The stare was beginning to unnerve Josiah.
Ezra sighed. "Mr. Larabee is correct. A repeat of last night is desirous to no one. The best way to prevent such a reoccurrence is to explain why it happened in the first place. Forewarned is forearmed."
"I don’t need to know." Josiah shook his head. He’d already made that mistake.
Ezra raised an eyebrow. "But you still WANT to know." The statement was issued half challenge and half question.
Josiah opened his mouth to deny it, but snapped it shut again. He couldn’t lie. He did want to know. It was obvious that Chris and Vin knew already. If he were honest with himself, Josiah didn’t like being left out. He also didn’t want to make the same mistake twice, but he couldn’t say for certain what it was exactly that he had done wrong. Best to know the reason. If I can avoid the cause, then I won’t have to avoid the affect in the future.
Ezra sent a look toward Vin. Josiah could almost see a conversation going on between them. The tracker nodded, and Ezra’s attention shifted back to Josiah. He studied the older man for several minutes. Just when Josiah was beginning to think Ezra had changed his mind, the gambler began to speak.
"You must understand, Mr. Sanchez, that over the course of my life, I have had many would be paternal figures." Ezra smiled sadly, green eyes dulled by some dark emotion. "Not all of them were what most would consider well suited to the task."
"Which means what exactly?" Buck asked.
Vin shifted slightly. He looked as though he wanted to answer the question, but Chris laid a hand his leg, and shook his head slightly. The gunslinger pointed toward Ezra with his chin. Josiah understood the message, just as quickly as Vin had. It was Ezra’s story, let him tell it.
If Ezra was aware of that by-play he didn’t show it. He answered Buck’s question with one of his own. "You are familiar with how Mr. Grayson treated his wife?"
Buck nodded. Ezra looked at him, and waited. Josiah made the connection even faster than Buck.
It took Josiah less time because he had been a witness at Eric Grayson’s murder trial four months ago.
Grayson had lived in the area for years. He frequently came to town, usually getting roaring drunk, and often violent when he did. No one really thought much of it, seeing him as just a man who couldn’t hold his liquor. Usually one of the peacekeepers threw him in jail to sleep it off.
In all the time he lived near Four Corners, Eric rarely brought his wife to town. Evelyn Grayson was a small woman, with warm brown eyes, who seemed very shy, almost reclusive. She was very soft spoken, and never seemed to make eye contact. Riding on patrol, Josiah had made a point of stopping in to visit her just to check to she how she was doing. Evelyn was hesitant to visit with the peacekeeper, and always encouraged him to be on his way before her husband appeared. It had seemed odd to Josiah, but he hadn’t questioned her about it. He never saw Evelyn without a cut or bruise of some kind. She claimed to be clumsy, prone to accidents. She remained true to that claim, right up to the day when Eric beat her to death.
Josiah paled thinking about the way she had looked when they found her. She was nearly unrecognizable. Eric was drunk at the time. He had ranted and raved about how it was her wanton ways that caused it. She was always making eyes at other men. He couldn’t trust her to be true to him. Insisted he had to keep her at the ranch to keep her faithful. He said he’d been trying to beat the devil out of her for years. He seemed morbidly proud of the fact that he had finally succeeded.
"Please tell me it was never that bad." Josiah whispered in a hoarse plea. Please dear God. How could someone do such a thing to a child? A spanking is one thing…but to beat an innocent?
Ezra shifted uncomfortably, putting himself closer to where Vin now sat near the edge of the bed. Josiah hadn’t even been aware of Vin moving so that he now sat within arms reach of Ezra. Ezra shrugged his shoulders, as though trying to ease some tension that had taken up residence.
"Obviously it was never that extreme," Ezra said, his voice overly calm, totally lacking inflection. "I would not be standing here before you if it had been."
"But is was close." Buck said, a stricken look on his face. The happy go lucky ladies man looked a little green. His hands were bunched into fists.
Ezra licked his lips, and looked away. "Suffice it to say…there were incidents of sufficient frequency, and severity, as to have made me extremely wary of unwanted physical contact. A habit that persists, despite the fact I am now fully equipped to defend myself. And even when no threat to my person is intended."
Josiah winced, and hung his head. I just kept pushing all those buttons. Invaded his space. Made him feel vulnerable, threatened. Lord! It is a wonder he didn’t blow up sooner.
Ezra’s expression turned wry. "I have a similar revulsion to being addressed as ‘son’, although for slightly different reasons."
Ezra cleared his throat, his eyes focused on a spot on the far wall. "Last night I was overwrought, and tired. Combined with my past experience, I reacted badly. It does me no credit, that in such a state, I mistook Josiah for one of my past paternal figures. And lashed out accordingly. I was rather…more forceful in stating my case than the situation required."
Ezra shuddered, his face paling slightly. Vin reached out to touch his arm, drawing Ezra’s attention to him. The ice in his eyes had melted, warming from the silver white that had been boring into Josiah, to a sky blue as he studied the gambler. "You okay?"
Ezra nodded. "Fine." The succinct reply indicated he was anything but fine. Still, no one in the room called him on it. Ezra took a deep breath. He refocused his attention on Josiah.
"I bear you no ill-will, Josiah. Please believe me. I deeply regret my actions last night."
Josiah relaxed at hearing Ezra use his first name. Twice now. He’s used it twice. He hugged that fact to him, and hoped it was a positive sign.
"You’re not angry with me then?" Josiah wanted to be very clear about that.
"No." Ezra smiled. "It was never you. It is not your fault that you bear a resemblance to someone of less sterling character and gentle nature than yourself. Had I explained myself sooner, much of what transpired could have been avoided."
"You shouldn’t have to explain, Ezra." Josiah closed his eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. "I should have been a better friend." Enough self-pity, old man. You’ve been given a second chance. Do not waste it. He opened his eyes, startled when he felt a light touch on his shoulder. He looked up into Ezra’s pensive eyes.
"Given how badly I behaved the previous evening, I’ll understand if you no longer wish to continue our association, Mr. Sanchez. Having a fellow peacekeeper assault you is hardly conducive to a positive work environment. Miscreants and villains provide ample hostility without my adding to it."
"What?" Josiah surged out of the chair, afraid Ezra was planning to leave. Ezra immediately backed away, moving well out of arm’s reach. Chris also came to his feet, eyes darting from one man to the other, trying to gauge the need to intervene. Vin swung both legs off the bed, just as ready as Chris to protect and defend Ezra. Buck stepped closer, moving away from the wall.
Josiah held up both hands palm out, letting the smaller man know he had meant no harm. He focused on Ezra, ignoring Chris, Vin and Buck. Ezra was more important. The gambler watched him with wary eyes, but Josiah was relieved to see he hadn’t drawn a weapon.
"I’m sorry, so…Ezra. Didn’t mean to startle you."
Ezra nodded. He waved a hand in a dismissive motion. "No harm done." He made a ‘stay’ gesture with his hand toward Vin, keeping the tracker on the bed, before sending a rueful glance at Josiah. "I am a bit… jumpy."
"Not without good reason." Josiah sighed. "Your offer took me by surprise. Wasn’t expecting that." The former preacher admitted with a shake of his head. He looked toward Chris, sending an apology with his eyes for moving so suddenly and startling Ezra. Chris nodded, letting Josiah know he understood this was unfamiliar territory for all of them. Josiah wasn’t sure if he was up to facing the wrath he thought would be lurking in Vin’s eyes. He felt Buck move forward to stand next to him. A hand patted his shoulder, and squeezed. Bless you, Brother.
"I don’t want you to leave." Josiah stated firmly. "I don’t want you to quit, either."
Ezra pursed his lips, watching Josiah suspiciously, clearly looking for the angle. "What do you want?"
"A chance to start over." Josiah said softly. "Start out fresh."
Ezra nodded slowly. "I, too, would appreciate the opportunity to wipe the slate clean."
Josiah grinned. Thank you, God. He held out his right hand. "Josiah Sanchez."
Ezra hesitated for just a second, eyebrows raised. His eyes lit up with their usual inner amusement, even though his countenance remained unchanged. He shook Josiah’s hand. "Ezra P. Standish. A pleasure to meet you, sir."
Josiah chuckled. He successfully resisted the urge to bow. He sobered slightly, blue eyes still focused on Ezra. "Are we okay?" He made a meaningless gesture with his hand trying to grasp the right words to explain himself. "I know this is just the first step, but I want to make sure we’re headed in the right direction before we get too far." Not like we did the last time, with me thinkin’ one thing and him thinkin’ another.
"I believe so." Ezra smiled. "Only time will tell, but this is an auspicious beginning. And I do believe we are headed in the right direction."
Josiah nodded. It had certainly gone better than he expected. Far better than I dared hope. He had wanted to pull the smaller man into a tight hug, but restrained himself. Maybe one day. But not today.
Josiah glanced toward Chris. The gunslinger smiled slightly and tipped his head. It was enough to let Josiah know the other man had accepted this resolution, and was comfortable with it. A peaceful solution was what they all wanted.
With a bit more apprehension he looked at Vin. The tracker regarded him steadily. He didn’t look angry or hostile, simply resolute. "Long as it don’t happen again." Vin stated softly, a promise easily discernible.
Josiah understood. Vin is just looking out for Ezra. Every man should have a friend that sticks by him. It doesn’t appear that Ezra has had much of that in the past. Josiah hoped that he’d have the chance to prove himself worthy of the same level of trust that Ezra had placed in Vin.
Buck slapped him on the back. "Glad that’s settled then." The lanky cowboy sounded almost as relieved as Josiah felt. Josiah realized Buck had been more nervous about this meeting than he’d let on.
"As am I, Mr. Wilmington." Ezra said with a small smile. "As am I."
Josiah straightened. "I better get to work." He had afternoon patrol, and he was already late. Josiah moved toward the door. Sooner we get back on an even keel the better. Best way ta do that is to move forward. Take it a day at a time.
He halted at the door, and turned back around. "Ezra?"
"Yes, Mr. Sanchez?"
"Will you be eatin’ with us tonight?"
Ezra looked at him, a small frown forming between his brows. "I had intended to."
"Good." Josiah nodded, pleased. Getting back on an even keel meant doing some of the things they normally did and that included eating together. "I’ll see you then."
Ezra smiled and raised to fingers to his forehead in his characteristic salute. "Until then, Mr. Sanchez."
Josiah stepped outside and took a deep breath. He sent a small prayer of thanks heavenward. He asked for strength that he not fall back into old habits, and help in staying true to his resolutions. A clean slate…a new beginning…a second chance. The day suddenly seemed brighter than it had.
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