Learning to Improvise… Chapter 3

by Katherine

Buck watched Josiah leave. He was pleased that kicked puppy look was gone. He’d been worried that things might not work out as well as they had. Josiah looked like he’d done some deep thinking last night, and Buck had been pleased to see he wasn’t wallowing in self-pity but looking forward. Things woulda been a damn sight different he’d been the same way today that he was last night. And if Ezra hadn’t been as willin’ ta let it go.

He glanced toward Ezra. "Was a good thing ya did."
Ezra raised an eyebrow. "What was?"

"Agreeing ta start over. Clean slate." Buck paused for a beat. "That, and tellin’ him why. Know ya didn’t have to. But it sure makes things easier for him knowin’ it weren’t him that you were upset with. Josiah needed that."

Buck felt his respect for the gambler go up a notch. Don’t think I’d a been able ta tell anybody that. No way in hell. An’ I’m sure this ain’t the first time today he’s had to go over this. Weren’t neither Vin or Chris looking too surprised by what Ezra had ta say. Leastwise they didn’t look as kicked in the gut as I felt.

Ezra shrugged one shoulder. "There really was no other option, Mr. Wilmington."

Buck snorted. If anyone would know what choices were ta be had, it’d be Ezra. Boy can always see all the angles "Yeah, there was. Jus’ real glad ya picked the one ya did."

Ezra tipped his head in acknowledgement of Buck’s statement. "All is well that ends well. Or so I’ve been told."

Buck rubbed the back of his neck. There was something still bothering him. He wasn’t sure if he should ask or not. Chris’ had made it sound that all they would get here today was what Ezra was willing to give. Only one way to find out if he’d be willing to give me more. They’ll tell me no if its off limits.

Taking the bull by the horns, Buck asked, "Y’all mind if I ask a question?"

Chris looked askance at Ezra. Clearly the decision was up to the younger man. Vin and Ezra traded a look. Would love to know what they are sayin’ with jus’ their eyes like that. Hell, I thought it was jus’ Chris and Vin who did that damn talkin’ without sayin’ a word.

Vin lifted one shoulder in an eloquent shrug, clearly leaving it up to Ezra. The gambler cocked his head, biting his lower lip before nodding sharply once. He resumed leaning against the wall, his pose was relaxed but Buck could feel some tension radiating from him. Ezra gestured toward the chair. "Have a seat."

Buck eyed the chair. Can see why Josiah wasn’t too keen on sittin’ there. Feels weird bein’ in the center o’ the room. Buck turned it around so he straddled the seat, and leaned crossed arms across the back, facing Ezra. He’d much rather be pacing, but having seen Ezra’s reaction to Josiah’s sudden movement earlier, Buck figured sitting would probably be for the best.

Chris sat back down on the bed, and waited, puffing once on his still burning cigar. Vin stayed within arms reach of Ezra. Buck caught the warning look Vin sent his way. He would tread lightly or else. Buck nodded, letting Vin know he got the message. He wasn’t planning to upset the gambler. Tricky part will be stickin’ ta the plan. Won’t know if I’m gonna upset him until I get there. Jus’ have to take it slow and easy.

Buck decided to start an item Ezra had already covered before moving forward. "Ya said there were several father types who weren’t real good at the job."

Ezra nodded. "Yes, there were."

"And ya said it happened…" Buck hesitated searching for the words Ezra had used. "With sufficient frequency. Means it happened more than once, right?"

Ezra hesitated for a moment before answering, his brow furrowed slightly. "Yes."

Buck took a breath and ordered his thoughts. He wanted to understand what had gone on. Needed to understand so that he could watch out in the future, and prevent what happened last night from ever happening again. He couldn’t quite shake the feeling that there was a lot Ezra had left out. He told us the bare bones, but that don’t mean it’s enough to keep things from getting out of hand in the future. And even though Chris and Vin seem ta know a lot more, that don’t mean they’ll be around the next time.

Josiah and Ezra might have come to some sort of agreement, but the habits of a lifetime didn’t change that quickly. Or at least they never had in Buck’s experience. He knew Josiah might have been inclined to ask more questions, if the bigger man wasn’t so concerned with getting back on even keel with Ezra. Or quite so taken with Maude. Doubt he’s ever gonna see her as doin’ wrong. Man is just too taken with her.

Buck took a breath. He licked his lips nervously. Ain’t no way ta ask this but ta just spit it out. "So where the hell was Maude when all this was goin’ on?" He flung out a hand adding emphasis to the question, keeping himself seated with an effort. He couldn’t imagine a mother over looking someone beating her child. His own mother had defended him with all the ferocity of a mother grizzly when she thought he needed her protection.

"When she was here, she made it sound like you two were together all the time. Why didn’t she do anything?" Buck felt a flare of anger, and added another question, hoping it would explain things. "Or was they beatin’ on her too?"

The thought of a woman being beaten made Buck as livid as the thought of a child suffering the same way. Women were to be treated with respect and courtesy. They were what made life worth living, added beauty and grace to the world, and it would be wrong to treat them any other way. And children were precious. Buck still remembered Chris’ son, Adam, as a bright light in his life. The boy had made him feel like there was nothing he couldn’t do. Adam trusted him completely and he had tried his level best to live up to it.

Ezra smiled tightly. "My mother was where she has always been during the events of great import in my life….elsewhere. We were not together all the time as my mother implied. We were not even together most of the time."

Buck shook his head, not understanding. That don’t make sense. "But if she were married ta these fellas—"

"She wasn’t married to them, Mr. Wilmington." Ezra interrupted, his tone cool as he corrected Buck’s assumption. "I said they were paternal figures. They were not step-fathers. Each was the man of the house wherever I happened to be residing at the time. The authority figure, a surrogate father, if you will, acting out a part for so long as it suited them."

Buck turned that idea over in his mind. He could understand the concept. At the house where he grew up there were a lot of men who came to call. Some of them would take the time to act fatherly toward him. At least while the girls were busy with someone else. None of them ever paid attention to him for long, a fact that as he grew older, he was grateful for.

Buck looked toward Chris, wondering if he should continue. His old friend’s look clearly left it up to him, but repeated Vin’s earlier warning to tread lightly. Buck nodded. Message received. He really only had one more question.

"Did Maude know?" Maybe she just wasn’t aware it was goin’ on. Ez said she wasn’t there much, so maybe she missed it.

Ezra shrugged. "If she does not it is because she did not wish to."

Buck frowned. He looked toward Chris again, hoping for some guidance on how to interpret that answer. The gunslinger’s jaw tightened. Buck was surprised he didn’t hear teeth grinding. He cast a quick glance toward Vin, but Vin’s gaze was on Ezra. The tracker was watching Ezra like a hawk. No help there.

"You didn’t tell her?" Buck asked, feeling his way though what Ezra had said.

Ezra’s mouth quirked upward in a sardonic smile. "No. I didn’t tell her."

"Why not?" Buck demanded, shocked that Ezra hadn’t spoken up. There was nothing he wouldn’t have told his mother. They shared nearly everything while he was growing up. She was the guiding force in his life almost to the day she died. Maude woulda been able to do something about it. Put a stop to it if she knew. It’s what momma’s are s’posed to do.

Ezra shook his head, his expression turning self-mocking. "It didn’t matter, nor was it important."

"Huh?" Buck shook his head. That answer didn’t clear up anything. "How the hell could it not be important?" This makes less sense by the minute. "What’d ya mean it didn’t matter? O’ course, it mattered."

Ezra’s eyes fixed Buck in place. There was a bleakness in those green orbs Buck had never seen before. It scared him. "Were it important, I’m sure my mother would have asked how it came about that I managed to blacken both eyes at the same time. Or questioned how I broke ribs on both my right and left side. Found it curious as to why my bruises seemed to always be shaped like a hand." Ezra shrugged. The gesture lacked the usual grace and easy movement that typified the gambler’s usual movements.

"I frequently wore the evidence on my person. It was there for her to see whenever she deigned to allow me time in her company." Ezra took a deep breath, and then another. He seemed to be having some trouble maintaining control. Something Buck could sympathize with. Sitting still right now was rating as one of the hardest things he’d ever done. He wanted to shout, to hit something, to hurt someone but stayed seated, fingers gripping the chair with a white-knuckled hold.

Ezra continued, his expression completely blank, eyes now firmly fixed on the far wall. "There is no one I’ve yet met with a sharper eye for details than my mother, Mr. Wilmington. And yet, she never asked. Not once. It only concerned her when excuses for my appearance were needed. Many believed me a clumsy, accident prone child."

Buck swallowed hard. "Why didn’t she just keep you with her?" Keep you safe like she should have.

Ezra shrugged. "A child can be rather inconvenient, Mr. Wilmington. Mother needed her freedom." Ezra’s voice stayed painfully neutral. He could be discussing the weather for all the more inflection his voice held.

"She always told me that she’d done her best to find some place suitable. That I should not fuss too much, or be a nuisance. She counseled me to that I would do well to count my blessings such nice, charitable people would be willing to take me in during her hour of need. I was under no circumstances to behave in any fashion that would cause them to reconsider their generous offer. If they felt my actions required punishment, then as a gentlemen in training, I was to endure with the good grace I would be expected to display later as an adult."

Buck rocked back in his seat, and stared at Ezra. He looked away, and was caught in Vin’s gaze. He knew right then Maude might well be in danger if she set foot in Four Corners again. The tracker’s eyes held a banked, but deadly rage. Buck glanced toward Chris. The look in his eyes matched Vin’s. Lord help that woman if she ever comes ta call again. Gotta wonder what I look like right now. And hell, I don't hold with hittin’ a woman, but I’d slap her silly right now.

When Vin’s gaze narrowed, Buck realized it was time to drop this, or it wouldn’t be just Maude in a world of hurt. He didn’t want that hostility turned on him. And he couldn’t see where pushing this any further helped anyone. He knew enough.

Even before he got the chance to voice his decision, Vin was moving. The tracker reached out, his hand encircling one of Ezra’s wrists. "Ez?"

Ezra glanced toward Vin. He seemed to pull his focus away from the fall wall with difficulty. "Yes, Vin?"

"You don’t have to talk about this any more." Vin’s tone was firm, with a soft note of concern underscoring it. His expression was on of reassurance, offering comfort both words and touch.

Ezra nodded. He smiled wanly, tipping his head toward Buck. "I believe that decision is someone else’s to make."

"That’s okay, Ez." Buck was quick to offer. He sighed. "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked."
"It wasn’t the question that proved difficult, Mr. Wilmington. But rather the answer." Ezra chuckled softly, the sound lacking any real humor. "Got more than you thought you would?"

Buck nodded, relieved that at least Ezra wasn’t mad at him. "Looks like we both might have." Boy looks as pale as a sheet. "I just—"

Ezra held up a hand, and spoke tiredly. "I know, Mr. Wilmington." Ezra rubbed at his yes. "I know. You undertook this line of questioning with the best of intentions."

Yeah, and they say the road to hell is made with good intentions. Looks like I built a few miles o’ road today. "I’m still sorry." Buck offered remorsefully.

Ezra waved his free hand in a dismissive gesture. "No need. You did nothing wrong."

"I think you need ta sit down, Ez." Vin tugged on Ezra’s wrist. Ezra went willingly, and sat on the bed. The gambler sighed, and leaned back, so that he rested shoulder to shoulder with Vin. Ezra seemed almost to gather strength from being near Vin.

Seeing them sitting together, reminded Buck of his earlier musings. I think I get it. Didn’t until just now, but I think I got all the pieces put together. Trouble is there ain’t but one way to know for sure. Chris did tell me this mornin’ that I’d have to ask them if I wanted to know what was going on. I already made one wrong assumption today. Don’t want to run around thinking something that ain’t right. Now probably ain’t the right time, but I’m not sure what the right time would be. In for a penny, in for a pound, I guess.

With a no small amount of trepidation, Buck asked hesitantly, "Would it be all right for me to ask another question?"

Chris looked ready to stand up and slap him, and Vin was shooting daggers with his eyes, but Ezra laughed lightly. The sound was totally incongruous given Ezra’s appearance just a second ago. The sound was one of honest amusement. Ezra raised an eyebrow. "Feeling very brave, are you?"

"Not really." Buck admitted with a small smile. "Just figured while I was already on a roll, I might as well stick with it." He sent a rueful glance toward Chris, and then Vin. "I’m already digging myself in a hole."

"Keep digging and you might end up in China." Chris growled.

Buck ignored him, keeping his focus on Vin and Ezra, knowing the decision rested with them. Ezra cocked his head to one side, his expression thoughtful. "I have heard that Fortune favors the brave. Let us see how she feels about the foolhardy." Ezra waved a hand as though giving Buck the floor. "You had another question?"

"How long have you and Vin been together?" Buck kept the question casual. He didn’t have a problem with it two men being in a relationship. Given where he grew up, Buck had seen nearly all walks of life, and learned far greater tolerance than most expected from him.

"Together?" Vin asked. The tracker looked wary. Buck noticed he had relinquished his hold on Ezra’s wrist, their fingers were now intertwined. Wonder if they even realize they’re holdin’ hands?

"Yeah, together." Buck held both hands out in front of him, and deliberately laced his fingers. "Lovers."

Chris stiffened, dark blues eyes snapping with warning. "Buck…that maybe something best left for another—"

"Chris." Ezra stopped the gunslinger with just his name. Buck was impressed. Hell would probably stop me cold him using my first name. Don’t think he’s ever used it when it weren’t a life and death situation.

Ezra gave Chris a very pointed look. "The man asked, the same way you did. He deserves an answer, just as you were given one."

Buck raised both eyebrows. Amazed that Ezra had just put Chris in his place, something few people had ever done successfully in the past. And it wasn’t like Chris to ask questions about someone’s personal business. Man gets nasty when people butt inta his business. Sort o’ makes a point o’ respecting other peoples’ privacy thinkin’ they’ll do the same for him.

Buck looked at Chris. "You asked ‘em? Jus’ how long have you known?"

Chris scowled. "That doesn’t matter."

"Doesn’t matter?" Buck snorted. "Ya coulda jus’ told me, ya know, stead o’ let me fumble around on my own. Woulda saved me a whole lot o’ trouble."

"No, he couldn’t." Vin stated quietly. "We asked him not to."

Buck shot a look toward the tracker. "Why?" He was hurt that they hadn’t wanted to include him. "I thought we was friends. Ya could a told me when ya told Chris."

"It isn’t personal, Mr. Wilmington." Ezra offered, his soft drawl carrying a clear not of sincerity. He made eye contact and held it. "Vin and I were hesitant to make any announcement, being uncertain of the reaction we would encounter. A relationship such as ours is hardly likely to be well received by all. The last thing we wanted was to cause a disruption that might necessitate our leaving Four Corners."

Buck nodded slowly. He could see that. Folks could be stupid ‘bout a lot o’ things. It bothered him that he might have been lumped in that same category. Thought they knew me better’n that.

Some of his hurt leaked into his next questions. "You thought I’d give you a hard time?"

Vin shrugged. "Not really." The tracker’s blue eyes regarded him steadily, open and honest. "Jus’ didn’t want ta risk it. Would be a lot to lose. Got friends here. This place is home. Ain’t that we didn’t trust ya, Buck, we jus’ didn’t want to make a mistake. Couldn’t afford to."

Buck could see his point. If he had been stupid or hostile, Vin and Ezra had a lot to lose. But then so did the team if they left. They made the team whole, made it work. Buck was pretty sure the destiny Josiah talked about wouldn’t fly with just five of them.

Ez said ‘our leaving’. Means he and Vin would go together if someone raised a stink. Would be bad enough if it were one of the town folk, but it would be real damn painful, if the one to raise the stink was one o’ us. Neither man struck him as the sort to give his affections lightly. That they would choose each other over the town, and the team, didn’t surprise him at all. He felt like he needed to apologize again for putting his foot in it, but Ezra held up a hand, keeping him silent. Shoulda just kept my mouth shut.

"Mr. Wilmington, while we made no plans to inform anyone, that does not mean we are regret having shared this with you. Both Vin and I, felt it best to wait for our comrades to raise the issue, ask the questions. Then endeavor to answer it honestly when one of you did." Ezra further explained. "It was not our intention to live a lie, or keep our involvement a secret, merely to wait for someone else to raise the issue and address it when he seemed ready to discuss it."

The gambler smiled, looking contrite. "To be perfectly honest, you are taking this revelation far better than I’d anticipated."

Buck pursed his lips. Can’t decide if I’ve jus’ been insulted or not. "You thought I’d raise hell? Get all righteous on you?"
Vin’s lips curled in a half smile. "Well…you bein’ so focused on the ladies an’ all. Guess neither o’ us thought you’d understand wantin’ ta be with another man. Much less be familiar with the whole idea. Doesn’t seem to be your thing."

Buck chuckled. "Well, for me, you’d be right. It’s not my thing." To Buck there was nothing finer than women. He made no secret of that fact. "Don’t mean I see anything wrong with it though."

Buck shook his head. "Hell, Vin, Ez…you two know where I was raised. I saw a damn sight more, and knew a lot more than I shoulda, all by the time I was wearing long pants."

He couldn’t resist a rakish grin. "I coulda probably give the two o’ you lessons on the subject if ya asked me." Growing up in a cat house sure did give me an education on some of the finer points of loving. No doubt ‘bout that.

"My momma told me the world takes all kinds ta make it work. Long as what two people do ain’t hurtin’ anyone else, its best not ta judge too harshly. Love is just too rare not to grab on to it when it comes around, no matter what form it’s wearin’ at the time."

Ezra shook his head, clearly amazed. "I believe your mother most have been a most remarkable woman, Mr. Wilmington."

Buck grinned, pleased that Ezra was impressed with his mother. "That she was, Ezra. That she was." He still thought the world of his mother even though she’d been dead for years. She was a saint. He waggled his eyebrows. "So…you didn’t answer my question?"

"Which question was that, Mr. Wilmington?"

"How long you been together?"

"Little more than a month." Vin answered.

"Who else knows?" Buck asked curious to see if any of the others had noticed the same things he had. He figured he was likely the last to notice. It wasn’t that he wasn’t observant, it was just that his attention was usually focused elsewhere.

Ezra nodded toward Chris. "Just Mr. Larabee, and now yourself."

Well, I’ll be damned. Thought for sure one of the others woulda caught on. And brought it up. He looked toward Chris. "An’ jus’ when did you notice?"

Chris shifted his weight slightly. The lean gunslinger looked like he might have relaxed for the first time since they entered the room. "Right after they got back from Bitter Creek."

Buck did the math, and realized that meant Chris would have noticed almost as soon as Vin and Ezra had gotten together. Not really a surprise. Chris can be an observant cuss when he wants to. Being so tight with Vin probably clued him in faster.

Buck sent a sly look back at Vin and Ezra. "He take it as well as me?"

Ezra arched an eyebrow sardonically, and Vin rolled his eyes. Buck laughed, and slapped his knee, delighted with what they had to say without saying a word. "I’ll take that as a no."

"Buck." Chris’ tone was enough to let Buck know he should drop it. Buck decided to follow the implied order.

It didn’t surprise the ladies man that Chris might have had problem coming to terms with Vin and Ezra. Or that he might still be touchy over the fact that he’d had a problem with it. Hell, Vin’s his best friend. He was probably jealous of Vin and Ezra being so close. Not that it seems like there’s been any real change in Chris’ friendship with Vin. Leastwise none anyone’s noticed. Just like his friendship with me weathered Vin bein’ added ta the mix. Took a bit to adjust, but no problems now. And it sure looks like he’s okay with Vin and Ez. Wouldn’t have made a point of lettin’ Ez stay last night if he wasn’t. And he’s watchin’ out for ‘em. Wouldn’t do that if he wasn’t okay with it.

Buck stood up, spinning the chair back around once he got to his feet. "Well, boys, that pretty well takes care o’ my questions." He heard Chris mutter something that sound a lot like ‘about damn time.’ But he chose to ignore it.

"We can rely on your discretion in this matter?" Ezra asked, an uneasy undercurrent in his question.

Buck frowned, puzzled by what Ezra had just asked. What the..? Oh. He smiled widely. "No problem, Ez. Understand why ya don’t want everyone ta know."

He ran a thumb over his lover lip thoughtfully. Would be better if the rest o’ us knew, but they’re right about not knowin’ which way a man’ll jump. JD’s a mite young ta really understand. Nate could go either way. And we jus’ fixed things ‘tween Ez and Josiah. Be good ta let that settle for awhile.

"People can be stupid about stuff like this. You’re probably right to wait and answer the questions when they think ta ask." He winked at Ezra. "If they ain’t smart enough ta figure it out, ain’t no reason ta put the idea in their heads."

Buck straightened his spine, and looked at both Vin and Ezra squarely. He wanted there to be no misunderstanding between them, about this. "No one will hear about it from me. It’s up ta you how to play this. Figure it’s your choice, and I can respect that."

"Thank you." Ezra and Vin said in unison.

Buck chuckled, eyes bright with amusement. "Ya might not want to do that too often, or you’ll be getting asked a lot sooner."

Vin shot him a dirty look. One that was seconded by Chris, but Ezra winked slyly at him, green eyes bright with wry amusement. Sometimes his sense of humor and the gambler’s meshed rather well.

"We shall endeavor to practice greater discretion in the future." Ezra raised two fingers and gave his characteristic salute.

Chris rose. He nodded to both younger men. "Boys." And then waved Buck toward the door. "I think, it’s time for us to leave."

Probably more than high time. Buck nodded to both Vin and Ezra. "I’ll see you two at dinner." There was no doubt in Buck’s mind that Vin would find his way free of this room by then. The tracker would be eating with the rest of them no matter what Nathan might have to say. Assuming the healer made it back in time to object.

Buck stepped out, and Chris followed. "Buy you a drink?" Buck offered.

Chris nodded. "Could do with one."

Together they headed toward the saloon. They sat down at their usual table, after Buck picked up a bottle from the bar. As he poured a drink for each of them, Buck shook his head, and laughed lightly. Chris shot him a questioning look.

"Been one hell of a week, hasn’t it?"

Chris chuckled dryly. "That it has."

Buck raised his glass and Chris gently touched his glass to it. "Here’s hopin’ we never have another one like it."

"Amen." Chris answered as they both downed their shots.

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