Learning to Improvise… Chapter 3

by Katherine

Chris glanced up when the jail door opened. He’s just shooed JD out a few minutes ago, sending the younger man off to get some sleep. Chris had expected working all night to leave JD a little ragged, a bit bleary eyed, but other than the faint shadows under his eyes, JD seemed his usual energetic self. Chris found that mildly annoying. He didn’t think anyone should look that chipper after being awake all night. It just wasn’t natural.

He was half expecting the young sheriff to return telling him he’d forgotten something. Chris blinked when instead of JD, he saw it was Ezra walking through the door. What is he….aw hell; I forgot to reassign morning shift. Course, I did sort o’ have other things on my mind, but I still should have taken care of that.

Chris glanced at the clock. Ezra was only fifteen minutes late. That would be something of a record for the wily cardsharp. He was habitually late when it came to showing up for a morning patrol. That habit, was one of the reasons, Chris had found it easier to just assign the man the midnight to morning shift. But to his credit, no matter what shift he’d been assigned, Ezra hadn’t shirked his duty once. Late, definitely. Totally absent, never. Chris was somewhat impressed that the man was only fifteen minutes late. Hell, I am amazed he remember ta show up at all given how crazy things got last night.

Chris eyed the gambler, giving him a once over. Must have gotten a good night’s sleep. His color is one hell of a lot better than it was yesterday. Seeing him now, Chris realized just how pale and worn out the man had been. Damn Larabee, you have got to start paying more attention here. Can’t keep overlooking the obvious. If I had been more on the ball, last night might not have happened at all.

Chris shivered thinking about just how quickly things had gotten out of control. It had all happened so fast. He still needed answers as to why it had happened at all. He never wanted to be in that position again, contemplating shooting one friend to save another. It scared him to think just how close they had come to a tragic ending. His eyes narrowed taking a closer look at Ezra.

Ezra raised an eyebrow, silently asking Chris about his careful perusal. Not receiving an answer, Ezra spread his arms and turned slowly in place, eyes twinkling with inner amusement even though is expression remained decidedly neutral. "Do I pass muster?"

Chris snorted, and rolled his eyes. He was pleased Ezra seemed to have regained more than just his color. His sense of humor, and smart mouth, were also back in place. Chris relaxed. He’d get his answers soon enough, there was no point in pushing it.

He offered Ezra a cup of coffee. "How’s Vin?"

Ezra smiled slightly, taking a sip from his cup before answering. "Mr. Tanner is as well as can be expected when one has a bullet hole in one’s leg. He had a restful night, which I believe, can only assist in his recovery."

"Mr. Tanner…", Ezra cleared his throat, "That is to say, Vin and I, are decidedly grateful to you for arranging such favorable accommodations." He saluted Chris with his cup. "I was not certain, I would have been able to secure an acceptable solution so handily, had you not chosen to offer assistance in the matter, in such a timely manner."

Chris nodded, accepting the statement of gratitude, not sure for a moment what to say. It wasn’t something he’d been expecting from Ezra. The gambler had rarely, if ever, said thank you to him. Chris sighed silently when he realized there was little he’d done to warrant receiving thanks from Ezra.

Chris shrugged one shoulder, trying for casual. If he over played this, he’d just embarrass both of them. "Yeah, well, I didn’t see any reason for him ta stay at the clinic. Vin would have probably killed himself trying to escape from Nathan’s."

Chris grimaced at the thought of Vin trying to sneak down a flight of stairs, and up to Ezra’s room, when he could barely walk. He knew there was no way in hell Vin would have stayed in the clinic. And Chris honestly couldn’t blame him. If he had spent four days away from Sarah, Chris would have crawled through town on his hands and knees to be able to spend the night with her. Nothing, and no one, would have stopped him. Chris no longer doubted that Vin was just as devoted to Ezra as he’d been to his wife.

Ezra smiled slightly, and clucked his tongue. "Yes, Vin can be rather determined about not being confined against his wishes."

Chris pursed his lips. "That’s one way o’ puttin’ it." Talk about an under statement. Man is a little determined about the way water is a little wet.

Ezra merely raised an eyebrow, but didn’t offer further comment. Chris got the distinct impression that every thought he’d just had was easily read by Ezra. It was unnerving to know he wasn’t even a book where the gambler was concerned. Ezra tipped his head toward Chris with a sly smile. Little bastard is too smart for his own good.

"I trust you found your alternative lodgings to be satisfactory."

Chris smiled slightly. "Can see why ya don’t like getting up in the mornings." Ezra’s feather bed was the most comfortable thing he’d ever slept on. Chris had given serious thought to getting one of his own. "That bed o’ yours is mighty nice."

Ezra flashed a quick grin, dimples showing briefly. "Do not get to used to such comfort, Mr. Larabee. I will be needing my quarters back in due time."

Chris nodded. "Figured you might."

The gunslinger shifted in his chair, settling into a comfortable slouch. He cast a quick glance toward the still sleeping rustler in his cell. Chris didn’t know the man’s name, and he realized he didn’t much care. Hmmm…names. Funny…just noticed that Ezra seems comfortable referring to Vin by his first name. I haven’t heard him do that much ‘fore now. Guess he didn’t feel like he ought to be too familiar when I still had my head up my ass ‘bout them being together. Wonder how long it will take for him to call me Chris?

Chris shook of his thoughts and looked at Ezra again. "Vin awake, yet?"

"Of course. He seems disinclined to appreciate the concept of greeting the day at a leisurely pace." There was an easily discernable note of annoyance in that last statement.

Chris chuckled. He’d have been worried if Vin was still asleep. "Sleep past six ya missed half the morning, Ezra."

Ezra rolled his eyes. "I miss nothing."

Chris grinned at Ezra’s assertion. Most days, he probably wasn’t wrong, but having lived so much of his life in the storm, Chris had a real appreciation for the calm. And he had found the calmest part of the day was before the rest of the town was up and moving.

"You almost missed your shift." Chris felt obligated to point out.

"I was…unavoidably detained." The shadows that suddenly appeared in Ezra’s eyes, made Chris instantly regret he’d said anything. Ezra took a breath, and just that quick, the haunted look was gone, replaced by one of calm unconcern. Never gonna get used to seeing him do that. Ain’t natural for a man ta go from looking like I kicked him in the gut, to looking as unruffled as a sleeping cat, all in the blink of an eye.

Ezra smiled, no trace of his disquiet visible. "I stopped by the restaurant on my way here, and requested breakfast to be sent to Vin. I would greatly appreciate it, if you could see your way clear to ensure that he not only gets it, but that he eats it as well. He will likely need someone to prevent any hasty or unwise decision to be up and around today."

Chris nodded. "I’ll see to it." He wanted to talk to Vin anyway. The tracker likely had some of the answers he needed. Might be easier to get ‘em from Vin than from Ezra. And I know ordering Vin’s breakfast isn’t the reason Ezra was late…or at least not the only reason.

Ezra eyed him for a moment. Chris wasn’t sure what to make of the scrutiny. He was ready to ask when Ezra casually finished his coffee, and returned his cup to it’s place near the stove. "Did Mr. Jackson make it back last night?"

Chris shook his head, caught momentarily off guard by the subject change, but willing to go with it. "Haven’t seen him. JD said Nate’s horse wasn’t in the livery yet, when he did his last round."

Ezra nodded, his expression resigned. "I have a horrible feeling that does not bode well for Mrs. Cavanaugh or the little one she carried."

Chris winced. He’d been in the saloon when Josh had come looking for Nathan. "Yeah. Me too."

"I shall take the route past the Cavanaugh place, and see if Mr. Jackson has need of anything."

"Sounds like a good idea." Swinging past the Cavanaugh homestead was one of the shorter patrol routes, so Ezra should be back in town by noon at the latest. Got a feeling Vin might need more than me ta ride herd on him, and it would be best if Ezra were around ta do that. ‘Sides, don’t want him out too long.

Ezra turned to go. He hesitated for just a moment at the door, before turning back to face Chris. He squared his shoulders. "When I return from patrol, if that time is convenient for you, I will make myself available to answer your questions."

Chris nodded slowly, barely covering his astonishment at Ezra’s statement. He hadn’t honestly expected Ezra to be ready to talk so quickly. Nor had he expected him to offer. Chris had envisioned the need to corner the man and pull answers from him like a dentist pulled teeth. It wasn’t something he was looking forward to, but still something that he knew was necessary.

I don’t think I’d have volunteered as quickly if it were me. Chris mentally snorted at that assessment. There was a time when he knew, if he were in the same position, he would fight tooth and nail the whole idea of explaining anything of his past. Particularly anything that gave him waking nightmares. Was a time Ezra would have fought too. No…not fight. He’d have just left. Didn’t used to have anything to hold him here, and now he does.

"That should be fine, Ezra." Chris kept his tone even. "I told you I’d give you some time. I meant that. If you decide you need more time, just say so."

Ezra cocked his head to one side, his sharp eyes studying Chris closely. Chris couldn’t even begin to guess what it was the gambler was looking for, or what it was he saw that made him smile suddenly, a brief flash of warm appreciation that quickly vanished. The gunslinger wondered if he should be worried.

"Today will be fine, Mr. Larabee. Oh, and Vin has requested that he also be present. He was rather emphatic on that point."

Chris wasn’t surprised. "Figured as much." Means we’ll be havin’ this little discussion in my room. Sort of doubt Nate will be too keen on lettin’ Vin run around any time soon. Guess it’s fitting, since that’s where all this got started.

Ezra hesitated for a moment. He seemed to be weighing something carefully. He nodded once to himself. Green eyes met and held Chris’ dark blue-gray counterparts.

"If you intend to discuss my….momentary lapse of reason with Vin, feel free to do so." Ezra bit his lower lip, glancing away and then back. "And please, make it plain to him, that I have no objections to his seeking your counsel."

Ezra’s lips quirked briefly into a half smile, but there was little humor in his expression. "Vin and I delved into some rather…ah…weighty subjects this morning. When you join him for breakfast…he may feel the need to unburden himself. Or perhaps, he may wish to simply seek the guidance of a good friend. Knowing Vin, he will likely hesitate to do so out of respect for my privacy, or a misplaced sense of obligation."

Ezra sighed softly. "It was not my intention to leave him without an outlet or recourse. I would be grateful, if you would relay to him that I trust him implicitly, and that I have no objection to his discussing anything I told him with you."

Chris frowned. Whatever Vin and Ezra had talked about in private should probably stay private. He’d had every intention of talking to Vin about last night, and Chris got the feeling that Ezra might have somehow read that decision in his face. He wasn’t sure if the cardsharp felt obligated to give his permission, thinking he had no choice in the matter.

"You sure?" Chris found he didn’t particularly like the idea that he might have just made Ezra feel cornered. He wanted answers, but he didn’t really want to alienate the gambler to get them. He was just starting to find common ground with the man. He didn’t really want to mess that up. "I can wait until you get back."

"It is not for you that I make this offer, but to you." Ezra carefully emphasized the difference, and looking at him with something akin to amusement shining brightly in his eyes.

Okay. Now, I’m lost. "Excuse me?"

"In what may prove to be an ill-timed moment of weakness, I opted to share with Vin a burden. It was something I have carried alone for a very long time." Ezra’s expression turned rueful. "I have had time to come terms with it. Years, in fact."

He made a movement with one shoulder, which was far too graceful and precise to be considered a shrug. "Vin, on the other hand, has only learned of it today. I would be greatly surprised, if he did not feel the need to talk about the issue with someone, if for no other reason than to find a way to process the information I saw fit to share. You will likely be his first choice, and I can think of no one better than you to assist him."

Chris stared at Ezra. "Me?"

Ezra smiled. "You."

"Why me?"

Ezra chuckled softly. "Because he trusts you. And, I find, I can not fault him for doing so." He raised two fingers to the brim of his had, and was out the door before Chris could reply.

Chris pondered what Ezra had said for several minutes. He can’t fault Vin for trusting me. Does that mean Ezra trusts me? Or does he just think I’m trustworthy where Vin’s concerned? And just what the hell could he have told Vin that he’d need to talk to me about?

Chris shook his head. He sighed. Now might just be the best time to go check and see if Vin’s breakfast was ready. He really wanted to talk to the tracker. Vin could shed some light on this, of that he was certain.

He glanced at the prisoner. The man was still dealing with a broken leg, and locked in a cell. Not like someone has to sit here and baby sit him. From the way he’s still sawing logs the man won’t be awake for another couple of hours. Chris nodded, mind made up. He stood up and headed for the restaurant.

Mrs. Anders was just finishing with Vin’s tray was ready as Chris walked in. He smiled, and tipped his hat to her. "Ma’am, if you wanna just put two of everything on that, I’ll take it over for you."

She smiled up at him. "No need, Mr. Larabee. Mr. Standish placed an order for both of you. He said you’d be by to bring this to Mr. Tanner. I’ve already put a plate on for each of you."

Chris resisted the urge to glare at the woman. That little bastard really can read me. Knew I’d be over here before I knew I’d be here. Jus’ what the hell would he have done if I hadn’t planned on meeting up with Vin this morning? Chris wondered if he should worry about being predictable.

She wiped her hands on her apron, before offering the tray to Chris. "I hope Mr. Tanner is feeling better this morning." She clucked her tongue. "Poor dear, laid up that way. Must be terribly frustrating for him."

She smiled at him brightly, a bit of color on her cheeks. "Tell him I’ll see what I can do about making a peach cobbler for him. I know how much he enjoys it." She clucked her tongue again, a small frown forming between her brows. "And as skinny as he his, he could do with a few good meals. That boy simply doesn’t eat enough."

Chris smiled, having seen Vin pack away as much food as Buck did. He couldn’t begin to fathom how much food it would take to fatten up the lean sharpshooter. And he’d bet anything this matronly woman was sweet on the tracker. Hell, half the women in town are probably sweet on him if the truth were known.

"And Mr. Standish could do with eating more as well." She shook her head. "I don’t think he had breakfast yet himself. Told me he’d eat later. Didn’t want to bother me. Bah. As if making something for him would be a bother. Honestly, he doesn’t eat enough to keep a bird alive."

Chris couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows at that. Maybe she’s sweet on Ez too. Mrs. Anders made a shooing motion with her hands. "Off with you now, before that gets cold. Mr. Tanner is waiting for his breakfast, and it wouldn’t do to let him wait to long." Her order sounded more like something that should be directed at an errant schoolboy than a hardened man most people were either afraid of or awed by.

Chris left. Good Lord. Big, bad, gunslinger, ordered about by a woman half my size and twice my age. He grinned, finding the whole situation amusing and comforting at the same time. It was nice to live where people weren’t always afraid of him. He’d forgotten what that was like.

He was careful to knock on the door, and announce himself, before he dared enter. Vin could be just as quick to shoot as Ezra when it came to handling unwelcome guests. Chris didn’t like surprises either, and had been known to greet more than one over eager visitor with the business end of his gun. It tended to keep people from bothering him about trivial things.

Being cautious had kept most of the seven alive long enough to make a habit of it. Only JD could lay claim to anything that resembled a naïve faith in their fellow man, and he’d already lost some of that since becoming sheriff. Chris didn’t necessarily see it as a bad thing. He wanted the younger men that rode with him to have the chance to live long lives, and out west, the only way to do that was to hope for the best, and expect the worst.

"You bring me breakfast?" Vin called from with in.

"Yeah."

"Then quit dawdling, and get in here with it."

Chris rolled his eyes, carefully balancing the tray of food with one hand, and opening the door with the other. Vin was propped up in bed, gun causally pointed toward the door, held ready, but not threatening Chris. Vin put the gun on the floor once he was sure Chris was alone, and motioned toward the chair.

"What’d ya bring me?"

"I don’t know. Mrs. Anders said Ezra placed the order."

Vin eyed the tray, sizing it up carefully. "There enough for both of us?"

"Looks that way."

Vin smiled. "Good."

Chris sat down. He put the tray on the nightstand, and removed the gingham cloth Mrs. Anders had covered it with. He knew immediately which plate was Vin’s. It was loaded with scrambled eggs, a thick slice of ham, several pieces of bacon, and grits. Chris hated grits, although, he hadn’t realized Ezra knew that. The other plate had eggs, ham, and fried potatoes. A smaller plate held several slices of lightly toasted bread, heavily buttered. A small teapot and two cups also sat neatly in the center of the tray.

"Tea?" Vin raised an eyebrow. He didn’t look to eager to find out.

Chris lifted the lid, and sniffed cautiously. "Coffee. Reckon she put it in the teapot ‘cause it fits better on the tray than a coffee pot would have."

"Pour me a cup, will ya, Cowboy?" Vin had already started digging in to his plate of food with the eagerness he typically showed. He snatched up a piece of toast as well.

It never failed to amaze the gunslinger how quickly Vin could make food disappear. He was always neat about it, but never slow. The tracker ate with a single-minded determination, almost as if he were afraid that if he didn’t eat it now, someone might just take it away from him. Chris wondered if at some point in Vin’s past that fear had a basis in fact.

Chris ate his own meal at a leisurely pace, occasionally sipping from his cup of coffee. He studied Vin. He’d seen his share of wounded men over the years, and it didn’t take him long to size up his friend. There were no obvious signs of pain or sickness, although, Chris was pretty sure Vin felt a twinge now and again. Can’t have a hole in your leg and not feel it. But he looks like he had a good night.

Vin grinned at him, blue eyes twinkling. "I pass muster?"

Chris shook his head, amused. "That was the same thing Ezra said to me this mornin’."

"You give him the same once over ya just gave me?" The question was mildly curious, not offended or hostile.

"Yep." Chris sipped his coffee. "Looks a damn sight better than he did yesterday. Must have gotten some rest."

Vin nodded. "He did." Vin paused for a moment. "He wasn’t sleepin’ so good while we were away."

"Same way you didn’t sleep well?" Chris was aware of how restless the tracker had been the whole time they were gone.

"Not the same." Vin frowned. "Nightmares."

Chris nodded. He’d more than his share of those over the years. Somehow he never really expected someone who acted as unaffected as Ezra to suffer from them. Guess I really don’t know him as well as I thought I did. Not exactly new information, now is it, Larabee?

"Bad?"

Vin just looked at him. It was enough to let Chris know he didn’t need to ask anymore. It had been a stupid question anyway. Who has good nightmares, for crying out loud?

"Those nightmares have anythin’ to do with last night?"

"Some." Vin looked away. He put his now empty plate on the nearby tray, and picked up the cup of coffee Chris had poured earlier. He took a long sip. His expression was hesitant, and uncertain.

"When Ezra stopped by the jail earlier, he said he’d talked to you already. Said you might need to talk about what he told you." Chris knew Ezra had been right. Without being given permission to discuss it, Vin wouldn’t talk, even though the look on his face clearly said he wanted to.

"Ezra told me to tell you that he trusts you. Implicitly." Vin looked at him sharply. Chris had used the last word deliberately, knowing Vin would recognize it as something Ezra would say. "He said it was not his intention to leave you without recourse or outlet. He wanted me to tell you that could talk to me if you wanted to. He didn’t have any objections to you seeking my counsel or asking my advice."

Vin’s lips quirked up slightly in a half smile. "Memorize that, did ya?"

Chris lightly cuffed Vin’s jaw. "Damn near."

Vin slide down a bit, and settled into the pillows behind him. He sighed quietly. "Don’t even know where to start, Cowboy. "

"Beginning is usually good."

Vin rolled his eyes, and shot a dirty look at Chris. "Thanks. You’re a big help."

Chris put his empty plate on the tray a top of Vin’s, and filled his cup again. He raised the pot in silent offer to Vin. The tracker held out his cup for Chris to warm up. Chris waited quietly. He would get nowhere by forcing this. Just because he’s got permission to talk doesn’t mean he will.

"You ever wonder what life was like for Ez as a kid?" Vin finally asked quietly, his eyes focused on the far wall.

Chris pursed his lips, startled by the question. It wasn’t what he was expecting, but if that was where Vin wanted to start, he’d go with it. Chris thought for a moment, taking his time to really think about the question, knowing Vin had asked it for a reason.

"Always figured he lived a pretty good life. Rich kid in the lap of luxury sort of life. Maude made it sound--"

"She lied." Vin’s tone was flat, and hard. Chris raised an eyebrow, startled by the hostility he could read in his normally laid back friend. He got the impression that Maude just might be in danger if she came to town again. Interesting. Vin’s never been the sort to even consider hurting a woman.

"Soon as he was out o’ diapers, she was passin’ him off ta anyone she could con inta takin’ him…friends, relatives, total strangers…didn’t seem ta matter ta her as long as they’d take Ezra off her hands for a few months."

Chris winced. He tried to imagine doing the same thing with Adam, and couldn’t. He’d loved his son. Adam had been the sun, moon and stars to him. He held the memories of his all to brief time with his son close to his heart as the most precious treasure he’d ever own. He could still see Adam taking his first step, saying his first words, running across the yard to greet him. Chris wouldn’t have missed those for the world. He would never have considered giving his son to another to care for or raise.

"He moved every couple o’ months, never stayin’ long enough to really call a place home." Vin sighed heavily, eyes still focused on the far wall. "Did you know, in his whole life, there’s only been one other place that he’s spent more time than he has here?"

"Damn." Chris whispered, stunned to learn that Four Corners was might well be the first home Ezra had ever known. Hell, Ezra’s only been here a little over a year! And that’s almost the longest he’s been anywhere??!! What kind o’ life is that for a child. "That had to be rough."

"Rougher than you might think." The same shadows Chris saw in Ezra’s eyes earlier were now residing in Vin’s. Chris had a feeling that didn’t bode well.

Chris eyed Vin carefully, waiting for him to offer more information. The tracker shuddered once, and seemed to shake off the darker aspects of whatever he’d been thinking. "Not everyone Maude left him with should a been around kids. Most o’ ‘em seemed to think they didn’t need ta treat him any better than a stray dog."

Chris stayed silent for several minutes, trying to read the meaning what Vin had said, and what the tracker had obviously left out. Only one real option came to mind, which would explain why Ezra kept himself physically distant. "They beat him?"

Vin nodded once, sharply. "He learned real quick not ta let people get within arms length, cause if they could reach him, they could hit him too."

Vin hesitated for a moment, biting his lower lip. Sky blue eyes met dark blue-gray. "I know Ez doesn’t want ta upset Josiah any more’n he already has. Said he’d been avoidin’ him the past few days cause he was worried something like last night jus’ might happen. He was tired, outta sorts, and didn’t want ta risk loosin’ his temper."

Vin waved one hand in a vague gesture of frustration as he fought to find the words to express himself. Chris waited patiently, letting Vin work his way through it. "What happened last night…it weren’t personal, Chris. Not really. Josiah jus’ has to learn…that he can’t keep doin’ what he’s been doin’."

Vin scowled, looking briefly vicious and almost feral. "Should never have happened in the first place." He took a breath, and waved his hand again, this time in a dismissive motion, like he was wiping a slate clean, his expression easing into something neutral, calm. "Don’t matter now. It’s done. Jus’ got ta deal with it."

"You have a plan?" Chris was fairly certain Ezra wouldn’t have left this morning without an idea of how they were going to ‘deal with it’.

Vin nodded. "We figured that if we told Josiah he reminded Ezra o’ some bad father figure types, he’d understand. Ez doesn’t have a real good history with big men tryin’ ta be his daddy. So, callin’ Ez ‘son’, and touchin’ him, ain’t as harmless as Josiah thinks. Last night jus’ brought up stuff from when Ez was a kid that he’d just as soon leave buried."

Chris rubbed gently at his temple, trying to ease the faint headache he could feel building. "Is that what happened last night?" He regarded Vin steadily. "Josiah touched him and set off bad memories?"

"More or less."

Chris raised an eyebrow. Vin was usually direct and straightforward. A mixed answer was decidedly atypical. Chris had a gut feeling the ‘more’ was what Ezra thought Vin might need to talk to him about. The shadows he’d seen in both Vin and Ezra’s eyes told him that much.

"More or less?" Chris waited a beat, but Vin didn’t say anything. "How much more?"

Vin shrugged, and looked away. He shifted restlessly, and Chris new if it were possible the tracker would be up pacing. Vin winced when he moved his wounded leg. Chris reached out and placed a hand on Vin’s leg, preventing him from moving any more. He realized it would probably be best if he directed the conversation before Vin did any damage to himself.

"The ‘more’ part…is that what Ezra meant when he said you might need to talk to me?"

Vin swallowed hard. "Yeah."

"You okay?" Chris wasn’t sure if maybe he shouldn’t just drop it. He could feel his gut tightening in dread. Got a bad feeling about this.

Vin snorted. "I don’t know." The tracker shook his head. "Been tryin’ ta wrap my mind ‘round it since Ez left this morning. Not sure I’ll ever get a good handle on it."

"Ezra said he’s had a long time to come to terms with it." Chris offered, thinking it might help Vin to know that. Whatever ‘it’ is.

Vin glared at him. His normally sky blue eyes had paled to an icy silver-white. Chris forced himself not to look away, or step back, from the rage so readily apparent in Vin’s eyes. "He never should been in that position at all. Let alone have to come to terms with it."

Vin’s tone matched the ice in his eyes. "If that sorry excuse of a mother had been less of a self-centered bitch he would never have had to—" Vin stopped abruptly, his jaw clenched so tight, Chris could see the muscles flexing beneath the skin.

Okay. Now we are getting somewhere. "Why don’t you tell me what happened? Might help."

Vin took a deep, shuddering breath. He closed his eyes for a moment, hands balled into fist rested lightly on the blankets. "Chris…when was the first time you were…ah…intimate with someone?"

Chris frowned, not sure what to make of the sudden change of subject. He sat back slightly, trying to figure out where Vin was going with this shift in focus. Hoping it would become more apparent he asked, "Intimate?"

"Yeah…you know, got more than just friendly."

Chris shrugged one shoulder. "Seventeen."

"Was she the same age?"

"No. Lilly had to be a good five or six years older than me." He smiled slightly at the memory. "I’d just left home the year before. Was finishing up my first trail drive, and the foreman thought I ought to learn a thing or two ‘bout bein’ a man. Told me there was more to life than just workin’, and he was gonna prove it to me. So, he introduced me to Lilly. She was one of the workin’ gals in town. Paid for her ta spend the night teachin’ me some of the finer points of bein’ with a woman."

Vin nodded. He chewed on his lower lip for several minutes. Just when Chris was beginning to think he’d have to force him to talk, the tracker spoke. "When Ezra was thirteen, his mother used him ta pay off a debt."

"Used him?" Chris leaned forward, sure he’d mis-heard what Vin had said, or misunderstood. The headache he felt beginning earlier was increasing.

"Yeah." Vin stared at him, eyes unwavering. "Used. Like that lady you met when you were seventeen was paid ta spend the night with ya."

Chris’ jaw dropped in surprise as he made the connection. He tightened his grip on the cup he still held, squeezing tight enough to bend it slightly. He sucked in a breath. "Thirteen? Sweet Jesus!"

"Yeah." Vin agreed softly. "Thing is…she didn’t sell him ta some woman. And it weren’t for one night."

Chris swallowed hard, suddenly wishing he hadn’t eaten so much. Vin ignored his unease and kept talking. "Seems Maude was in debt to a man who was captain of this ship. Was a man who wasn’t gonna be put off by her usual cons, and scams. He wanted what she owed him, and she didn’t have it. So, she offered him Ezra as payment."

Chris clenched his jaw shut tightly against the rising bile. He didn’t want to hear any more of this, but Vin’s soft voice was relentless. "Ezra said he’s sure she knew what the guy wanted. Wouldn’t have made the offer otherwise. Didn’t seem ta bother her none that she was makin’ a whore out o’ her own flesh and blood."

What kind of mother would do such a thing? For the love of God! He was just a child. I never thought…Christ! What kind of sick son-of-a-bitch would be attracted to a little boy?

"How--", Chris swallowed hard, trying to get his voice to work. He now understood the rage he’d seen in Vin’s eyes earlier. He took a deep breath trying to control his own murderous fury. With deliberate care he put his coffee mug down on the tray, refusing to give into the urge to throw it against the wall. Chris couldn’t quite contain the need to move, so he stood up and paced. He crossed his arms against his chest, hugging himself tightly, trying to resist the desire to break something, anything.

Chris had never liked Maude, but now he had good reason to loathe her. She knew what this man wanted, and gave him Ezra. To pay off a debt!! I’d kill anyone who’d have even suggested doing such a thing to Adam. To any child. That is…God, I can’t even find a word for it.

"I don’t understand how she could do that." He finally managed to grind out, finding it hard to even look at Vin. He didn’t want the younger man to see what he knew had to be shining in his eyes.

"Neither do I, Cowboy. Neither do I." Vin’s voice was little more than a whisper.

Vin said it was for more than one night…oh shit. "How long was Ezra—"

"Three years."

Chris stopped pacing, and closed his eyes. He felt like he’d just been kicked in the gut. God. And Ezra said Vin could tell me this! Man’s got more courage than I do. I would have never told a soul about this. He wasn’t surprised that Ezra thought Vin would need someone to talk to. Chris mentally slapped himself for briefly wishing Vin had gone to someone else, anyone else.

He didn’t even know what to do, or say. Buck’s words to Josiah from last night came back to him. ‘This. Isn’t. About. You.’ Chris took a deep breath and tried to steady himself. What he thought or felt was secondary right now. He moved slowly back to the chair, and sat down.

Chris looked at Vin. "Tell me the rest." He owed it to Vin to hear it all. He owed it to Ezra as well. The gambler wanted him to be there for Vin, had given his permission to discuss this for just that reason, and come hell or high water, Chris was not going to let either man down.

"Not much more." Vin said, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

Thank God.

"The guy Maude sold Ezra to—"

Chris interrupted suddenly, needing to have a name for this monster. "Who was he?"

"Ezra said his name was Gabriel St. John."

Chris filed the name away for future reference. Gonna have to find that miserable son-of-a-bitch and kill him slowly. Very slowly. Chris nodded to himself. There would be a reckoning.

"Won’t do you any good, Cowboy."

Chris looked at Vin, startled. His eyes narrowed. "What won’t do me any good?"

"Man is dead, Chris." There was a strong note of satisfaction in Vin’s voice. "He’s been dead for awhile."

Chris didn’t like the idea of being cheated out of his kill. No one hurt one of his and got away with it. No one. He and Ezra might not always be on the best of terms, but the gambler was part of his team, and Chris would make damn sure anyone who hurt him paid for it. Dearly.

"You sure he’s dead?"

Vin nodded. "Ez says he went down with the ship in a storm off the coast of North Carolina in 1861. Damn near took Ez with her when she went. Only a handful made it off. Ez says St. John saved his life and lost his own doin’ it."

Chris felt a moment of intense satisfaction at knowing St. John was dead. He also felt cheated. He wanted the bastard to die inch by inch, in agony. Chris wanted to do the same to Maude Standish, but felt momentarily disconcerted about wanting to kill a woman. There had only been one other woman who had generated that kind of blindly destructive need. He hadn’t realized that there might be another who could make him feel the same way. Don’t matter right now. I’ll deal with Maude first chance I get.

Chris made an open hand gesture toward Vin. "Finish what you were saying."

Vin looked down and away. When he looked up his expression was uncertain, hesitant. "Josiah…Josiah reminds Ezra of St. John. It’s why he reacted so badly last night."

"Aw hell." Chris shook his head. That was a bit more to deal with than Josiah simply reminding Ezra of a physically abusive father figure. A damn sight more. Can see why they didn’t want to tell Josiah that. Would upset the preacher something fierce. Not sure how if he’d be able to handle the truth.

"St. John liked ta call Ezra ‘son’. And he—"

Chris held up a hand, stopping Vin from saying anything else. "I get it." He closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He really wished he didn’t, but he did. "I get it."

Ezra hadn’t lost it last night until Josiah had touched him. Knowing what he now knew, Chris was impressed by the degree of restraint the gambler had shown. God…no wonder the man doesn’t want anyone getting too close. Chris shuddered, realizing that had he been in Ezra’s place he would likely have shot Josiah.

Chris looked sharply at Vin, as another thought registered. "He’s okay with the two of you?"

Vin nodded, a small smile blossoming. "That’s not a problem, Cowboy."

Chris breathed easier hearing Vin say that. Vin was head over heals in love with Ezra. Chris wasn’t sure if the tracker could handle being rejected. Ezra’s never pulled away from Vin…not once. And it was Vin he responded to last night. God…he told Vin this!

"You okay with this?"

"Would be lyin’ if I said I didn’t want ta kill Maude."

Not what I meant. Chris wasn’t sure how to word his what he was trying to ask. Not every man would be comfortable with finding out his lover had been with another, especially if it had been what amounted to a business transaction. He was well aware of the fact that not every man had a high opinion of ‘soiled doves’.

Chris knew Vin wasn’t naïve about life, or the nature of romantic involvements. He’d been with Charlotte so he’s got a history too. But it isn’t quite the same as Ezra’s. Not by a long shot. And that ain’t something every man is comfortable with, or willing ta accept. Ezra didn’t say anything this morning about Vin’s reaction other than he’d need someone to talk to.

"No…I mean, you okay with Ezra’s past? With what he…was?"

Vin’s eyes narrowed, hard and cold. "Why wouldn’t I be?" The question was soft, but there was no mistaking the challenge in it.

Chris held up both hands, palms out, showing he had meant no offense. "Ezra loves you. Would kill him if you turned your back on him over this."

"Would take a hell of a lot more than this ta make me do that."

Chris nodded, recognizing the fierce commitment, love and devotion in that statement. Good. One less thing to worry about.

Vin smiled, but there was no humor in it. Chris was momentarily glad Vin’s gun was still on the floor. "You okay with it, Cowboy?"

Chris sighed, and rubbed a hand over his face. "Wouldn’t mind getting a piece of Maude myself."

"You know that ain’t what I meant." Chris raised an eyebrow at the hard look Vin gave him. "Don’t want you treatin’ him different, Chris. He doesn’t need pity, or ta feel embarrassed. He was a kid. Ain’t to blame for the shit his mother put him through."

"Never thought he was." Chris said tightly, the muscles along his jaw twitching. He felt a flicker of anger at Vin even thinking he’d treat Ezra differently. That he might blame Ezra for what he had no control over. Fair is fair, Larabee. You pretty much asked Vin the same thing he just asked you. And face it, your track record with Ezra is far from stellar.

"Good." Vin relaxed, making Chris aware for the first time just how tense his friend had been. The tracker shook his head, looking more than a little amazed and a lot proud. "Ya know…I’m not sure I’d have been able to do what Ez did."

"Don’t know if I could have told anyone that either." Chris was still more than a little stunned that Ezra had been so forthcoming about what had to have been a very painful portion of his past. There parts of Chris’ own past he couldn’t bring himself to talk about with anyone.

"Don’t mean that." Vin waved a hand in dismissal. "He didn’t just survive, Chris." There was a note of awe in Vin’s voice. "An animal would survive…just getting by, takin’ things as they come, never thinkin’ past the moment, always reactin’ instead of actin’. He did, and still does, a damn sight more than that."

Chris took a moment to think about that. Vin’s right. A lesser man would have broken. Ez still has his heart and soul. He’s a tough little bastard. Chris suddenly had a greater appreciation for Ezra’s strength of character. A stray thought about strengthening steel with fire came to mind. His father had told him once it was adversity that made a man. It is only by testing the mettle of a man will you know what he’s made of. There was definitely more to Ezra than was readily apparent at first glance.

"Man is a lot tougher than he looks." Some of Chris’ new found respect was apparent in that statement.

"That he is, Cowboy." Vin smiled, and then sighed, his expression sobering. "But he’s still breakable, Chris."

Chris nodded. He understood what Vin was saying. It felt good to be on the same page again. "We’ll take care of him. You and me."

Vin nodded. He held out his hand, and Chris grasped his forearm in a warrior’s grip. A promise passed between them, without either man needing to say a word.

The gunslinger took a deep breath as he let go. Back to the issue at hand. Still have to deal with Buck and Josiah. "So…we met up when Ezra gets back. We tell Buck and Josiah that Josiah reminds Ezra of one of the many would be father types who were a bit heavy handed?"

Vin nodded. "They don’t need to know the rest." Another hard look. "And we aren’t going to tell them."

Chris realized Vin wasn’t asking him. He was making sure Chris understood what he had just been told was going to stay between them. Not a problem. Didn’t expect any different. "No, they don’t need to know. And, no, we don’t need to tell them."

Chris moved to pick up the tray, intending to return it on his way back to the jail. He’d been gone for longer than he’d expected. It was time he got back. Chris pointed a finger at Vin. "You stay here, like you’re supposed to. Ezra said he’d be back by lunch time. We’ll talk to the others then."

Vin scowled at him. "Don’t want ta jus’ sit here."

"I don’t care." Chris gave him a very pointed look. "You aren’t supposed to be up and around. ‘Sides, I know your leg still bothers you. Won’t hurt you to sit still for a bit."

Seeing a rebellious look on Vin’s face, Chris pulled out the big guns. "I told Ezra I’d look after you. He is expecting me to take care of you. And I’m pretty sure you told him you’d take it easy. What would he think if you end up falling flat on your face while I’m on duty in the jail?"

Vin shot him a dirty look. "That ain’t fair, Chris."

Chris shrugged. "Don’t have to be fair. You stay put. We’ll talk later. Okay?"

Vin sighed heavily. "Okay."

"Okay, what?"

Vin rolled his eyes. "I’ll stay here until Ez gets back and we talk to the others."

Chris nodded. Good enough. He knew that all bets would be off after that, but he’d take what he could get. He smiled to himself. After that, it’ll be Ezra’s problem.

Continue

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