Of Hermits and Crabs
Phone up to his ear, Chris Larabee leaned back in his office chair. "JD? Buck? Hel-lo?" he sing-songed into the receiver. "Why am I talking to a machine here? Why aren't your asses in the office? It's ten after nine. Hel-lo?" The ATF Team Leader pulled the phone away from his ear and knocked it against his head twice. "Why doesn't he hear me? I know I'm talking, I recognize my voice," he said to the piece of black plastic. Placing the phone against his ear again, he said, "If one of you morons doesn't pick up this phone in two seconds, I'm going to-"
"Chris?"
"Son of a bitch!"
Both voices sounded simultaneously, though Chris could tell that JD had been the one to answer the phone and Wilmington had been the one screaming obscenities in the background.
"JD?"
"Yeah, Chris."
The young agent sounded like he was panting. Like he'd just run a race.
"What in the hell is going on there?" Chris grunted.
"Well," JD's voice was high, excited. "See, I... ah... The last time I was at the mall, you see, there was the coolest thing. And... I... ah... well, you know. It might seem silly, but I wanted to get one, you know. They were painted, the shells, I mean. And they were really cool. So I got one. But this morning it got out. And it was in Buck's sock drawer and, well-"
"JD?" Chris sighed tiredly, rubbing his forehead with his free hand. "The point?"
"Oh." JD swallowed hard. "I lost my hermit crab."
Chris blinked twice as he pulled the phone away from his ear to stare at it.
"Chris?" Larabee could hear Dunne's tinny voice from far away. "Chris. you there?"
Chris cocked his head as he sighed sadly, thinking, 'So, this is what having a stroke is like.'
"Chris?"
Finally, Larabee put the phone back up to his ear. He licked dry lips, before asking, "Your - hermit - crab?"
Silence followed and Chris could almost hear JD nodding.
"JD, I can't hear you if you nod."
"Oh, sorry, Chris. Yeah," JD said, out of breath and then yelled, "It is NOT my fault!"
Chris could only assume the young agent was screaming at Wilmington, as he was sure there was no way on God's green earth JD Dunne would yell at him.
"Sorry, Chris," JD was back. "Buck's a little... ah... upset." He paused and then yelled, "Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it!" There was a moment of silence and then JD yelped. "Ow!"
Chris raised his eyebrows and looked sideways at the phone. "JD?" he asked.
The young agent sniffed loudly and then said, his voice petulant, "We'll get to the office as soon as we can."
There was a long, awkward silence and then Dunne asked, his voice echoing as he whispered into the cupped receiver, "Um... Chris... do you by any chance know how to get a hermit crab off someone's finger?"
The End