Between Heaven and Hell

Part 1

Buck Wilmington closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Peace and quiet weren't a regular commodity around here these days and he took these respites whenever he could find them. The thudding of footsteps announced the boys' arrival back inside the cabin. Damn. Just the motion of shifting in his chair caused Buck's back to convulse and he bit off an anguished yelp.

Just his luck that he'd hurt himself the day before they were supposed to ride into Eagle Bend. He and Chris had promised J.D. and Vin a chance to see the sights and pick up enough candy and trinkets to keep two small boys happy for the rest of the year. Now he wasn't sure he could make it to the front door.

The trip was the only thing those kids could concentrate on all week, each making mental lists of what they could fit in their Christmas stockings. Vin told J.D. it'd be an adventure and Buck always chuckled at the way J.D.'s five-year-old mind mangled the word. He'd been looking forward to seeing J.D.'s big eyes light up at the fancy decorations lining the streets, the store windows full of treasures for a young boy to drool over. Buck had already told them about the giant tree they put up every year in the town square. The strings of popcorn wrapped all the way to the top and limbs so heavy with peppermint sticks that they hid the colorful packages underneath.

"Come on, Buck." A wide smile creased J.D.'s face as he reached for Buck's hand to help him up. Wilmington wanted to go, really he did. He'd even gotten washed up and dressed and told himself to hell with pain and uncooperative muscles. If J.D. wanted him to go, then by damn, he'd go.

But after another spasm assaulted him, he finally had to admit to himself that he could barely walk, much less sit a horse for five hours. There was no way he could accompany Chris and the boys on this 'addenture,' as J.D. so adorably put it.

"Sorry, Little Bit, I think I'm gonna have to stay home this trip." Buck's heart shattered as J.D.'s merry eyes clouded and threatened to spill.

J.D. wiped his nose with his sleeve and turned away before he began to cry. "Ok. We can go next Christmas."

"That's right, you and me'll have twice as much fun next time." Buck reached out carefully to tousle J.D.'s soft hair. That simple movement, and the accompanying catch of breath it invoked, confirmed yet again that there was simply no way he could handle the trip this day. "You be a good boy for Chris now, all right?" Buck said, trying to hide his own disappointment behind a smile.

J.D. shook his head. "I'm gonna stay too."

"Aw, c'mon J.D., I thought you wanted to see the big Christmas tree!" Vin pulled at J.D.'s arm, his own eagerness bubbling to the surface, but the younger boy shrugged him off.

+++++++

Chris pushed open the door to the cabin, his attention falling to his best friend. "You holding us up, Buck? We got a lotta ground to. . . ?" Chris's words faltered as he took in the twin looks of disappointment on Buck's and J.D.'s faces. "Ever'thing all right?"

J.D. lowered his chin to his chest, avoiding eye contact at all cost. Buck grimaced, and Chris wasn't sure if Buck's pain was more from the fall he took the day before or from the expression they both knew the five-year-old was hiding beneath his long bangs.

Chris knew Buck hurt a hell of a lot worse than he'd been letting on. It was why Chris had first suggested putting off the trip to Eagle Bend last night, much to the disappointment of the boys. Something Buck was loathe to do. He'd insisted a good night's sleep was all he needed to recover. Chris frowned and shook his head as he took in the sight before him. Or to stiffen up completely.

They'd been working on the new cabin all week, determined to at least finish the roof before today's trip. The ranchers had always intended to build a second cabin on their property for Buck, but had never gotten around to it. Chris knew Buck hadn't exactly planned on settling down for quite a while, much less within spitting distance of him. . . but that was before J.D. Funny how two small boys could turn grown men's lives around completely.

Within a month of living under the same roof reality sunk in of just how much space two young boys, with plenty of growing still to do, could fill. In their hearts and in the little cabin. And so work on the second cabin became a priority. Since he and Buck had agreed J.D. and Vin needed to stick together, the only solution was to build Buck a place of his own on the opposite side of the lane. Thanks to a handful of townsfolk, Josiah, Nathan, and on rare occasions, Ezra, the modest home would probably be finished by springtime.

And of course the boys were eager to help. Too eager.

Vin had been warned against climbing the ladder, but from day one, the headstrong boy had been determined to earn his keep. It wasn't that they were worried so much for Vin's safety. The boy's long legs and overall athleticism would enable him to handle the ladder quite easily. However, wherever Vin went, J.D. was sure to follow and there was no way the tiny waif could tackle the ladder, let alone scramble up onto the still precarious roof.

Though clearly disappointed, Vin had seemingly understood the reasoning behind his banishment from the roof. But, as soon as he'd heard Chris mutter a curse for forgetting his hammer on his last trip down the ladder, the deep-seated urge to please his new father had apparently taken hold of the seven-year-old, overriding anything else. Vin had retrieved the hammer and clambered up the ladder in an instant.

Chris had looked up when Josiah's booming voice yelled Vin's name – just in time to see the boy toss the hammer onto the roof and reach for a board to heave himself up. A board that had yet to be nailed securely.

He had scrambled toward the child, but he was too far away to have reached him in time. Instead he had watched as Buck grasped Vin's thin arms and literally tossed him onto the safety of the roof, then lost his own battle with gravity and fell. Hard. The sickening thud and muffled groan that had followed as Buck landed in a heap on the ground beneath him still made Chris wince.

Chris couldn't help the slight smirk that formed on his lips as he observed his friend now. Stubborn sonuvabitch. He'd hoped Buck would come to his senses and realize he wasn't up to the trip. His expression softened to a mixture of concern and sympathy though when he realized just how much the big-hearted man must be hurting, for him to back out on J.D. just minutes before their journey. "You finally come to your senses?" He asked, although he already knew the answer.

Buck actually looked embarrassed. "Aw, hell, Chris. You were right. I just can't do it. But you go on. Take these two and make sure you don't let 'em get sick on them peppermints." Buck cut his eyes toward J.D. and Chris followed his gaze to the dejected tyke.

"We'll still have fun, don't pout." Vin teased and pulled J.D.'s sleeve again.

"I ain't poutin'." J.D. straightened his tiny shoulders in defiance. "I gotta stay and take care of Buck."

Warmth spread through Buck's chest and he fought back the proud tears he felt stinging his eyes. The kid was dead serious and more than willing to forgo his own happiness to baby-sit him. Aching muscles protested strongly as he reached out to embrace J.D., but he ignored the pain and turned the child to face him. "J.D., you've looked forward to this for over a week. I don't want to ruin your adventure, I'll be just fine."

J.D. shook his head. "You wouldn't leave me."

Well, the boy certainly had him there. Still, there was no way in hell Buck was going to be responsible for J.D. missing out on this trip. Gingerly drawing him closer, Buck spoke softly. "Aww, J.D. You're right about that, but this time is different. Vin and Chris need you to go with them." It was the only tactic Buck could come up with. He knew the boy would have a much better time with Chris and Vin than he would stuck at home with a near invalid. All he had to do was get the little guy on his way and everything would be fine.

+++++++

Sniffling and rubbing at tear-stained eyes, J.D. turned to Chris and Vin. "C'mon, J.D. This is gonna be fun! You'll see!"

Imploring blue eyes met his and J.D. realized how much he might disappoint his cousin. . . his best friend, if he didn't go. He watched as Chris rested one hand on Vin's shoulder, then crouched down and held out his other hand toward him. J.D. knew Chris had been planning this trip for some time. Had even rearranged his and Buck's schedules with Uncle Ezra, Uncle Nathan and Uncle Josiah, just so they could go. It seemed everyone wanted him to go now. Everyone but him.

Chin quivering, J.D. reluctantly slid out of Buck's embrace and took Chris's hand.

+++++++

Larabee wrapped his arm tight around the little boy and drew a delighted Vin into their hug. J.D.'s reluctance to leave Buck behind was like a revelation to him. Not long ago he would've considered the two boys in his arms totally inseparable.

But remarkably Chris's best friend had been able to worm his way into that bond and create one equally as strong with J.D., if not stronger, for the boy to be so reluctant to leave. Either that or J.D. was simply secure in the knowledge that he had both Buck and Vin now and he simply didn't want to be separated from the one staying behind. Maybe it was a bit of both? Either way, it warmed Chris's soul to see Buck's own open-heartedness returned tenfold in the embodiment of a 30-pound ragamuffin. Buck deserved that kind of love more than anyone Chris had ever known.

Despite Vin's giggles, J.D. was still uncharacteristically subdued and Chris drew him away for a moment to look him over. J.D.'s eyes were bright, the green and gold flecks within them contrasting brightly against the redness caused by his tears. His cheeks were flushed and the child looked so damn miserable Chris wondered for an instant if maybe they shouldn't all just stay home.

But then he turned to Vin. The older boy's eyes shone with enthusiasm held in check only by the fear that once again his hopes might be shattered. And Chris wondered how many times this boy and his little cousin had suffered disappointment at the hands of adults? Well, not again if Chris Larabee could help it. He figured once J.D. got caught up in the excitement then his mood would change and he'd return to the happy little boy they all loved.

"C'mon, boys. Let's go." Decision made, he rose, easily scooping J.D. up onto his hip and lightly grasping Vin's shoulder as he led the startled boy back out their door.

His reward was a whoop and beaming smile thrown his way from Vin, just before the boy ran ahead to the horses hitched up in front of the little cabin, patiently awaiting their departure. Sadly, the tiny five-year-old bundle pressing against his coat wasn't yet willing to share in his older cousin's excitement. Chris's heart ached for the boy quietly weeping in his hold, but like Buck, he knew once J.D. began his adventure, once he saw Eagle Bend's main street and storefronts decked out in all their Christmas splendor, J.D. would be in his glory.

Part 2

Buck had wanted to give J.D. and Vin a good-bye hug before they left, but as he watched Chris's resolve begin to crumble at the site of J.D.'s tear-streaked face he'd felt his own do the same. He knew if Chris didn't walk out the door right then, Buck wasn't going to let him leave with those boys at all.

Apparently Chris felt the same way, so Buck didn't say a word as Chris suddenly and resolutely stood up, planted J.D. on his hip and strode out the door with a very relieved and excited Vin racing out along with them. Wilmington had to smile at Vin's exuberance, although he'd much prefer two enthusiastic, sparkling boys rather than the seeming role reversal taking place today. J.D.'s reluctance to leave, not to mention his tears, simply tore at Buck's heart. Damn near shattered it, truth be told, and it took everything the man had not to follow them out the door and retrieve him. But like all little tykes that age, Buck was certain that J.D.'s attention would switch from leaving him behind to the adventure in front of him, as soon as their modest little horse ranch was out of the boy's sight.

With a grunt and way much too much effort for his liking, Buck dragged himself out of his chair and shuffled carefully over to the door to watch his family's departure. He was surprised to see that Chris and the boys hadn't left yet. Hadn't it taken him a full fifteen minutes just to make it across the room? Sure felt that way.

Buck had opened the door just in time to see Chris mount up behind J.D. He watched with a mixture of pride and warmth and even an embarrassing hint of jealousy as his friend tenderly settled J.D. in close to him, just as a father would. Just as Chris had done with Adam, years before.

And just as Buck wanted to do with the boy, now. Lord, how he hated being laid up like this.

Leaning against the doorway, Buck's eyes remained focused on the tiny form huddled against Chris. The child was so small, sitting front-ways in the saddle wasn't a necessity, so J.D. was sideways across it, held securely in place by the rancher's free arm.

Only instead of watching the usually animated tumbleweed of a kid bouncing about in place and chattering up into Chris's patient face, Buck could see the boy's head was buried deep in the security of Chris's serape, almost as if he were sleeping. But J.D. wasn't sleeping. His shoulders were shaking. He was still crying, damn it.

That behavior was so unlike J.D.; his tears never lasted this long. Then again, who was it that always seemed to quell those tears these days? As good as Chris was with the boys, there was no question who J.D. turned to if given a choice. It was just that the poor little guy didn't have a choice this time. Buck finally broke free of his gaze, and lowered his head in disgust. And self-loathing.

The sound of horses moving, and then just as quickly stopping, brought his head up and as he took one last departing look at what was transpiring, his heart leapt into his throat. His eyes had met J.D.'s. And Buck sure didn't like what he was reading in them.

Oh. . .hell. Chris, be careful. "No, J.D., don't!"

+++++++

After mounting up behind J.D., it only took a few minutes for Chris to feel the sobbing against his chest begin to ease and the little shoulders beneath his grasp no longer shake. Finally, they could head out.

Chris turned to Vin, who was showing more patience than most kids his age could manage. Chris could tell though that boy was itching to go. And J.D. was likely spent. Maybe he'd fall asleep and with any luck, they'd be riding into Eagle Bend and all its wonder by the time the child awoke. "Let's ride, Cowboy," he said to the youngster beside him.

"Let's ride." Vin mimicked and turned his pony in line behind Chris.

Chris sighed, his shoulders slumping in mild defeat. Whether it was Vin's excited voice or simply the movement of his own horse, as soon as Chris began to turn away from the hitching rail, J.D. began to squirm. Chris stopped his black and tightened his hold on J.D. "Settle down, J.D."

He might as well have been talking to their town jail's brick wall. An abundance of wavy, black hair popped out from the woollen folds of Chris's serape, followed by a tear-swollen face.

"Aw, J.D. We're gonna have a good time. I promise." Chris cradled the back of the child's head in his gloved hand and pulled him once again into his chest. J.D. resisted every inch of the way.

"No."

"What was that?" Chris was so shocked by the muffled reply he wasn't sure how he should react. He looked briefly at Vin, who looked as surprised at J.D.'s behavior as Chris and simply shrugged his shoulders in response to Chris's raised eyebrow. Just great.

The little stand-off almost made Chris want to laugh. J.D. was such a happy and agreeable boy normally, and this conduct was just so unlike him. But the look he was greeted with when those big hazel eyes met his – lower lip and quivering chin jutting out in marked defiance – took all the humor out of the situation.

Pulling back slightly, so that he could face the boy, Chris asked his question once again. "What did you say, J.D.?"

The boy didn't answer. Hell, J.D. wasn't even looking at him. He was looking past Chris, back to the cabin.

Just as Chris heard his partner call out, and despite the sharply honed reflexes of the gunfighter he still was when called upon, Chris Larabee wasn't fast enough to stop this particular five-year-old imp from wriggling out of his hold and sliding down off his horse.

"J.D.!"

Neither Chris's calls nor those echoed by Vin did anything to stop the whirlwind, and by the time Chris had regained control of his startled gelding and dismounted, J.D. had reached his destination and was clinging fiercely to the leg of Buck Wilmington.

+++++++

Buck had seen it coming, held his breath and used the door frame to brace himself against the impending impact, but much to his surprise, J.D. actually reined himself in just before wrapping both arms tightly around Buck's right leg.

He tried, really tried to bend down to comfort the boy, but all he could manage was a slight hunch of his shoulders and the calming stroke of his big hand running through J.D.'s silky hair as the child clung for life. "J.D., son. What's wrong? What'd make you go and do something so scary as jumpin' off that horse?"

Knowing that his current pain had more to do with his heart than his back, Buck tried to keep the fear out of his voice. And the sliver of anger off of his tongue that had followed suit once he realized the boy hadn't been hurt by what could have easily been a bad fall. Something was going on here and he was going to have to get to the bottom of it. "J.D.? Come on, now, talk to me. Why you so set on stayin'?"

"You need me," the boy whispered, but any further response was interrupted by the sound of Chris's spurs coming onto the porch and Vin's boots skidding to a halt in front of the open doorway.

Vin immediately reached out for his cousin and took his hand. "Come on, J.D. Quit actin' like a baby, we gotta get goin'!"

"I'm not a baby!" J.D. shouted as he tried to yank his hand from the bigger boy's grasp. "Buck needs me! He needs me!"

The ensuing tug of war nearly brought Buck to his knees and Chris quickly came to his partner's rescue. "Boys, that's enough!" He hated to raise his voice, but that was the only way he was going to get their attention.

He succeeded and Vin backed off muttering apologies as J.D. scrambled behind Buck, clearly unwilling to be separated from him again.

Buck held onto the door jamb, his grip white-knuckled and nearly as tight as the one J.D. had had on him moments earlier. Nearly. But despite his pain, he was starting to see things a lot more clearly now. 'He needs me.' Damn.

+++++++

"You all right?" Chris asked, clearly concerned, but his frustration came shining through as well.

"I'll live," was Buck's strained reply as he began to straighten up once more, forcing himself to act a hell of a lot healthier than he felt at that particular moment.

"You sure about that?" Chris smirked, his own temper settling down a notch or two. J.D. wasn't hurt, Buck would live, so no need get himself all riled up. He still had a long ride with two young boys ahead of him.

Chris hunkered down on his knees and reached around Buck's legs to J.D., who immediately inched further away from him. "It's all right, J.D. I'm not mad, but your cousin's right. No more silliness now, we got to be on our way."

"Chris. . ."

Damn, Chris knew that voice. Buck was giving in.

"Chris, leave it alone."

Correction, Buck just gave in.

"Buck. . ."

"Pard. . ."

They were staring at each other now. Icy green meeting midnight blue, both men too stubborn to break the gaze.

By rights Chris knew that Buck knew better than to let J.D. get his way this time. Buck wasn't fit enough to look after the boy for one thing, not to mention the bad example this would set for both of them. And yet something nagging in the recesses of Chris's mind was telling him that Buck was in the right. That somehow it would be best for J.D. to stay home. What was it that J.D. had kept saying while he and Vin were tussling? 'He needs me? He needs me.' Damn.

Chris swallowed hard, now suddenly remembering J.D.'s reaction to Buck getting hurt yesterday. The child hadn't seen the fall, thank heaven, since Vin had timed his climb up the ladder while J.D. had gone inside their cabin. But the sheer horror on J.D.'s face when he'd returned to find Buck unmoving on the ground as Chris hovered over him and Vin crying inconsolably in Josiah's hold was heart-wrenching.

Chris remembered that J.D. hadn't cried at the time. Not one tear. He just stood there staring at Buck, his little body trembling as he stood frozen in place until Josiah scooped him into his free arm. Even hours later, after Nathan had been fetched and tended to Buck's injuries, J.D. had remained in a daze. The healer had wrapped him in a blanket and given him warm soup, but the child refused to respond to anything until Buck recovered enough to personally assure J.D. he'd be all right.

No wonder the little guy didn't want to be separated from Buck. He'd already lost his mother and probably thought he'd almost lost another parent the day before.

Chris looked away from Buck. A little ashamed, and figuring that Buck had come to the same conclusion. He met his best friend's gaze again. "Yesterday?"

This time Buck looked down. "Yeah, I think so," he sighed.

"You want us all to stay?"

"Naw, pard, I think it's best if I handle this myself. Nathan said he'd check to see if I'd changed my mind and stayed home, so I expect he'll be comin' out here today. You already saw to that. He'll help with J.D. if I need it, we'll be fine."

Despite the physical pain Chris knew Buck was trying to conceal, Chris deferred to his old friend's wishes. He knew all-too-well that look the man was wearing at this moment. The one that said nothing or nobody would change his mind. Chris knew from experience that there was not another living soul more mule-headed than Buck Wilmington once he'd made a decision.

No beat-up ribs and a sprained back would prevent Buck from looking after J.D. Especially now that both he and Chris had it figured out that J.D.'s tears came from something deeper than a childish desire to get his way.

Chris had all the faith in the world that J.D. would be in better hands with Buck. After all, it was that gangly, too-tall, big-hearted scoundrel standing, well leaning, before him who had been the only soul able to set Chris's world right again after the tragic loss he'd suffered. Who else but Buck would be the perfect choice to ease J.D.'s fears and heal a little boy's still grieving heart?

Chris nodded in acquiescence. "All right. We'll see you boys tomorrow before dark."

Part 3

Chris heaved another sigh as he once again returned his gaze to the familiar landscape in front of him, and away from that of the young boy plodding behind him. Larabee might not be quite the sucker that Buck was when it came to seeing an unhappy expression on either of J.D.'s or Vin's face, but it still brought sadness to his own heart to no longer witness enthusiasm sparkling in Vin's blue eyes. Chris still fully believed that once they arrived in Eagle Bend, and Vin was met with the glitter and splendor of the town's festive atmosphere, that bright, shy smile would return. And the boy would have a wonderful time taking in all the sights, smells and tastes of Christmastime that Eagle Bend was quickly becoming renowned for within the territory.

Not surprisingly, it hadn't taken long for the harsh reality of Buck and J.D.'s absence from their little adventure to sink in for Vin. As soon as their homestead had disappeared from view, Chris noted a marked change in the boy's demeanor. The delighted and still somewhat uncharacteristic chatter that had been the morning's norm had been replaced by sadness and perhaps even regret.

Although Vin was clearly missing his cousin and newly adopted 'uncle' already, Chris was determined to make this trip to Eagle Bend worth the young boy's while. And even before they reached their destination, Chris was certain he'd be able to lift the youngster's spirits.

The two shared a love of nature and whenever together on the trail, Vin always relished the opportunity to learn from his guardian everything and anything related to the great outdoors. From reading tracks, to identifying trees and rocks and animals, Vin's mind became a sponge much like the one housed in the cherubic head of his younger cousin.

In just a short while, once they reached the fork in the road that divided the trails to Eagle Bend and Four Corners and moved further into terrain unfamiliar to Vin, Larabee was certain he'd be able to hold Vin's attention and bring the inquisitive nature-loving boy to the fore.

It was the familiar, rather than the unknown however that finally brought some excitement and animation into the boy's being. "Look, Chris, it's Doc Nathan!" The youth shouted, pointing ahead to the silhouetted form of a rider traveling the road from Four Corners.

Chris couldn't help the small smile that quirked his lips as he yet again acknowledged the keen vision exhibited by the child. Once the boy's shout alerted him to the approaching rider, it still took a few seconds for Chris to confirm the horseman's identity for himself.

"Hi, Doc Nathan!" Vin greeted his friend happily as he approached Chris and Vin at the junction of the roads, a broad smile brightening his face.

"Mornin', Vin, Chris," Nathan greeted the pair, his expression still cheery, but his brow furrowed in confusion. "So, how's Buck doin'? Looks like you was able to talk sense into that fool head 'a his."

Chris responded with a snort. "Not like I had much say in the matter." Mindful of the wary blue eyes staring up at him as intently as Nathan's gaze, Chris chose his words carefully. "He's mighty stiff, Nathan. 'N sore. As much as he didn't want to admit it, guess he finally figured out for himself that goin' on this trip just wasn't gonna be possible."

Nathan nodded in understanding. "So is Nettie mindin' that miniature powder keg you left behind?"

"Un uh. J.D. stayed with Buck. He didn't wanna come with us no more." Vin answered before Chris had the chance to.

Chris winced at the dejection he heard in the boy's words, and at the startled glare Jackson shot his way. Hell, he wasn't stupid. He knew leaving J.D. behind with Buck was going to be hard on the man's back, but it wasn't exactly Buck's back that Chris was worried about. His best friend was as strong as a bull and, from the time Chris had known him – hell, from even before then, he had bounced back from worse with a hell of a lot less motivation to do so.

No, what concerned Chris and Buck more than anything right now was the still-grieving heart of a little five-year-old boy and that same tiny soul that had suffered an awful fright the day before.

Those concerns foremost in his mind, he addressed both Nathan and Vin with conviction in his voice. "J.D.'s just worried about Buck right now. You remember how scared he was yesterday, now don't ya?" At the boy's nod and barely whispered "yes," Chris continued. "That's right and I'm guessing that after what happened, sticking close to Buck is more important to him than this trip."

Vin still didn't look too happy, but Chris could see that he had gotten through to the boy. And he easily identified understanding dawning on Nathan's features too. Not only was the man gifted in healing, but his compassion for his fellow man and for innocents such as J.D. and Vin gave him great insight into their hearts and minds as well. Nathan was fully aware of how Buck's fall had affected J.D. the day before, and Chris's few words clearly hit home with him. He'd realize that the best medicine for Buck was simply focusing on something other than his own misery and, who best to turn his attention to than the child who claimed his heart?

"You know, Vin, I think Chris is right. And since I'm headin' out to your place now to check on Buck, I'll do my best to set J.D.'s mind at ease, all right?"

Jackson too could see that Vin was still struggling with his separation from his little cousin and Chris was grateful for the man's attempt to back up his words. "I'd be much obliged, Nathan."

"Me too," echoed Vin.

"Good. And you know what else?"

The bright smile Nathan wore now had Vin's full attention. "What's that, Uncle Nathan?"

"Well, I bet by the time you and Chris get back home, with Buck feelin' better but none too active, J.D.'ll be bored silly and mighty sorry that he missed all the fun you 'n Chris had in Eagle Bend. Ain't that right?"

At the boy's enthusiastic nod, Chris gave Nathan a grateful look. "Sure is," he replied. "But we had best get on our way, Nathan. Still got a fair ride in front of us."

"Well, I'll let you folks get on your way, but I had somethin' important I need to ask Vin."

Chris immediately tensed, wondering what important question Nathan would ask of his boy.

Vin responded with a simple, "Me?"

Jackson smiled at the incredulity in the boy's voice, but his own tone was very serious. "I just need to know if you and J.D. played with Eloise Potter in the last coupla days when you was in town."

"No, sir!" Vin answered – a little too quickly.

Knowing Vin and J.D.'s aversion to girls, one that Adam had shared as well, Chris normally would have laughed at the reaction, however the worried knot that had immediately formed in his gut at Nathan's question overrode any sense of frivolity. He could tell from the look on Jackson's face that something was going on in town. Choosing his words carefully for Vin's benefit once again, "Everything all right at the mercantile, Nathan?"

Relieved at Vin's news, Jackson's expression still showed a mixture of concern and confusion. "Can't rightly say. Might be dealin' with quinsy, but it's too soon to tell."

At Nathan's use of 'quinsy' Chris couldn't prevent his wince. Just hearing the word made swallowing difficult. He'd had it as a child and even now could remember how excruciating the ordeal had been. Fever so high, he'd been out of his head at times and a throat that had burned like it was set afire. But, even without the help of a doctor or healer of Nathan's caliber, he'd survived. Thanks to many a family remedy and his mama's stubborn willpower, Chris had lived.

Yet, he knew of other children who hadn't. Like most illness, quinsy usually struck hardest at the very young. Or the very weak. And with that realization the knot in his gut grew. For the recent widow's sake, Chris prayed that Eloise simply had a sore throat. And he sent up a second prayer for his boys, that they should never have to go through that ordeal at all.

Chris never had any cause to doubt Vin's word, but in order to ease his mind, he needed the reassurance and to hear the words again. Despite the trepidation in his heart, Chris kept his tone gentle, yet serious enough to convey the importance of the question. "Vin, you sure that neither you or J.D. have played with Eloise? It's all right to admit if you did, son."

+++++++

Vin had no idea why Chris and Doc Nathan were acting so serious all of a sudden. He had even less of an idea who or what this 'quincee' was, but he desperately wanted to ease their minds and wipe the worry off their faces. Then they could go on to Eagle Bend like they'd planned and make Chris happy like he was this morning.

'Course he and J.D. had been in Mrs. Potter's store a few times last week, but to confess that would spoil his and J.D.'s secret. Chris would ask him why they were in the mercantile alone and Vin couldn't tell an outright lie about it. Not this close to Christmas. And he didn't want to ruin the wonderful surprises Uncle Ezra had helped him and J.D. get for their new fathers.

They'd both been so excited and J.D. had been especially good and hadn't even hinted that their savings had bought a lot more than they'd ever imagined. Well, since Ezra had invested the money at two-hunderd precent innerest. Whatever that meant. Vin didn't know much about them money words, but their fancy-dressed friend said it was better than even the banks would give them! Uncle Ezra must have been right because they'd ended up with enough money to finish paying off their gifts (and get some candy whips too) and Uncle Ezra promised to keep the presents hid and safe for them 'til Christmas morning.

Besides, as many times as they'd been in Potter's store, he and J.D. avoided that pesky Eloise every chance they got. She was a 'girl', after all. Wore dresses and everything. And she drove both of them crazy something awful. No way would they play with her, not on purpose. And ever since Ezra had helped them pick the gifts they wanted out of the catalogue, Eloise would be hangin' around, trying to get her hands on J.D. and treating him like he was her own personal baby doll or something. Yuck!

James had been staying up at his grandparents' place to help out ever since his grandpa broke his leg, but Eloise had stayed home and was there when they went to collect their gifts. And when J.D.'d wandered off after Uncle Ezra told him to stay put, he did get cornered by "Smeloise" again, but he sure wasn't gonna play with her. Vin had started to go rescue him from all her fussin' and fawnin', but J.D. had shoved past her and ran to Uncle Ezra before he got the chance. Vin was glad since that slobbery girl really bugged him too. At least she usually set her sights on J.D. Vin figured it was better J.D. than him gettin' pawed, but he did feel a little sorry for his cousin.

Vin turned solemn blue eyes to Chris, desperate to let his new father know that everything was all right but still wanting to keep his and J.D.'s Christmas purchases a surprise. "I'm sure, Chris. We never played with that ole girl."

It wasn't a lie. Even though something in his heart made him feel like it was.

Part 4

"It just don't seem right," Buck protested for what to Nathan Jackson seemed to be about the fiftieth time. "A man needin' another man's help gettin' to the privy." Despite his very vocal objections, Nathan could tell by the death-grip Buck had on his arm, that his support was greatly appreciated. Just as his doctoring, the back-rub he'd given Buck and his help around the cook-stove had been appreciated.

"Ain't nothin' to be shamed of, Buck. There ain't a man alive who don't need a helpin' hand a time or two in his life. What makes you think you're any different?"

A strained grunt as they headed in the direction of the back porch was Buck's only response. "'Sides, helpin' hurt folk is what I do," he continued, "and you, my friend, no matter what you keep tryin' to tell J.D., is hurt folk."

Buck slowed his progress - what little the two big men were making – a frustrated sigh warning Jackson that his friend was about to stop. "Ah hell, Nathan, I know that. Can't hardly deny it. And I'm sorry I'm bein' so contrary. I appreciate you comin' out here and helpin' out more 'n you'll ever know." Another weary sigh escaped, "It's just. . . "

"You hate havin' the boy see you so laid up," Jackson interrupted. He nodded knowingly as his friend lowered his head in resignation and defeat. "Buck, it ain't like you're the first pa I've come across who doesn't want his son to see he ain't perfect. And sure as Christmas is comin', you ain't gonna be the last."

In spite of the obvious pain he was still in, Jackson fully expected to see prideful, shining eyes smiling back at him as Buck met his gaze. He wasn't disappointed. Refer to J.D. Dunne as Buck's son, and the man grew even taller. His love for that boy was just about as powerful as Nathan had ever seen. Josiah Sanchez might believe that Buck was the best thing to come along in the little orphan's life, and Nathan didn't doubt it. But the healer also knew with as much certainty that the same could be said about J.D. in Buck's life. That the little raven-haired urchin had become Buck's world was as plain as day.

And because of that, Nathan realized he'd have to bring up the subject of Gloria's children. He'd tread lightly though. He did not want Buck worked up any more than necessary and undo the good work he'd hoped his liniment rub had done. "And you sure ain't perfect, neither," he jibed.

"Shoot, how long we've known each other? It take you this long to figure that out?"

"Nope. Just thought you needed remindin' is all." Jackson was pleased to see the familiar grin on his friend's face. He only wished it would remain when he brought up the Potter girl. "Buck, J.D. been feeling all right? He's been awfully quiet since I got here."

Buck stared back at him, his eyes clouding with worry. "I know he got himself pretty worked up this mornin', but I don't think he's sick. Do you think he looks it? Maybe you should check him over before you leave?"

"Now stop worryin'. He don't look sick, he just ain't acting like himself. I asked 'cause Gloria Potter's daughter is laid up in bed with a bad sore throat and fever. Vin already told me that they never went near that little girl, I's just making sure you ain't seen J.D. around her."

+++++++

If not for his body's reluctance to move a single muscle, and the potentially ominous ramifications of the widow Potter's daughter being quite ill, Buck would have laughed uproariously at Nathan's concern about J.D., or Vin for that matter, being in close contact with Eloise Potter.

As a fatherless child raised up and nurtured by numerous women, Buck couldn't ever remember a time when the gentler sex offended his sensibilities in such a way as with Vin and J.D., and little Adam Larabee before them. But there was no question that - for the time being at least - girls were unwelcome interlopers in the adventures of cousins J.D. Dunne and Vin Tanner. Especially Gloria's daughter who, despite suffering the worst that the rightly named 'Wild West' had to offer, in the murder of her father, was still about as far away from a tomboy as Buck could ever have imagined.

"I don't think we have to worry about J.D. gettin' near that little girl, Nathan." The relief in Buck's voice could not be denied. "Can't quite figure why that little bit don't cotton to the fairer sex, but he'd sooner eat worms than spend any time with Eloise." Buck smiled at the recent memory. "'Bout split a side when he came out with that one."

"Usin' them words exactly, I bet," Jackson said.

"Yep," Wilmington almost laughed then but settled on a wink, his battered ribs protesting even the concept of laughter. "'Sides, you and Chris both already asked Vin, and that boy just don't have it in him to lie to Chris."

"Well, you're prob'ly right about that." Since Nathan had no reason to doubt Buck's faith in Vin, nor the apparent distaste the cousins had for Eloise Potter, he dropped the subject. No need to add worry to the many knots in Buck's back. Besides, Nathan had enough to worry about with Eloise back in town.

+++++++

Buck understood now why Nathan had asked J.D. to stay in the house on his trip to the privy. Because both of them knew that nothing struck fear into the heart of that little boy more than hearing the word "sickness".

His mama's death was still somewhat of a mystery to Buck and Chris. The records the orphanage had provided to Josiah had been minimal at best, but it was clear she had been struck down by some sort of malady. From Vin they were able to determine that Rachel Dunne had been ill for a time and, in the end bedridden, although for how long, even Vin wasn't clear on the subject - certainly a number of days, perhaps longer.

Not surprisingly, J.D. couldn't provide them with any more information than Vin. Or rather, he wouldn't.

It had become heartbreakingly evident soon after the boys moved in with Chris and Buck that the subject of his mama's passing was to be avoided at all costs around J.D. If anyone planned on getting any sleep at night. Even when J.D. brought up the subject of his mother on his own, the night terrors would often come. And with them the tears.

Buck's own ma had told him once that his tender heart and deep compassion for others was a mixed blessing. Character traits that made her extremely proud of her boy but had given her cause to worry so, too. He hadn't really understood her concern back then. He would simply shrug it off to her over-protective nature and distress over his desire to take up the gun and become a lawman. And over his tendency to get in way above his overly tall but inexperienced head when it came to protecting, or sometimes avenging, wrongs inflicted upon his mother and his many "aunts" who lived with them in the brothel.

With the deaths of Sarah and Adam Larabee though, he'd finally understood his mother's concerns. Losing two precious souls so tragically, who'd been as close as kin, had been as horrible for him as losing his own beloved mama. But he honestly felt the worst of that ordeal had been watching his best friend, no, his brother in all that mattered, suffer so grievously. He'd certainly learned the meaning of Hell then.

And yet somehow even that anguish had been less damaging to his heart than the agony of having to comfort this orphan in his care. A happy-go-lucky child who'd grow silent and withdrawn upon hearing even the slightest reference to his mama. A kid who'd wake up screaming for the mother who could never, ever come to him again. Whose bewildered and terrified eyes would plead with Buck to take him to his mama; that she was sick and needed him. And whose tiny arms would wrap themselves around Buck's neck and cling to him while he was told once again that his mama couldn't come, that she was in heaven, but that he had Buck now.

Each time he spoke those wholly inadequate words and felt the breathless sobs against his throat wracking the innocent in his hold, he realized just how wrong he had been. Hell was watching this child he loved suffer. And believing he might never be able to chase the nightmares away.

When J.D. had slid off Chris's gelding, damn near demanding that he stay behind because Buck 'needed him', Wilmington knew he and Chris had lost the battle. He'd suddenly understood that the awful fright that J.D. had suffered the day before had awakened the demons that normally only revealed themselves in the dead of night. Buck had realized just how important it was to show J.D. that he would recover and to allow him to be a part of that recovery. Even if in doing so it caused some added strain to his back, Buck couldn't deny the boy the chance to see that parents didn't always succumb to illness or injury. And more importantly, assure J.D. that he wasn't going to lose another parent.

Besides, Buck needed him here too. Chris wouldn't likely believe him any more than Nathan had at first, but J.D.'s presence hadn't actually been a problem at all. In fact, the boy had been a cooperative and compliant angel, so much so that Buck had briefly worried that he wasn't feeling well. Then the realization had set in that the kid was too scared to leave his side and respected the fact that Buck wasn't up to his usual antics. At least that's what Wilmington told himself.

If anyone gave J.D.'s past even a moment's consideration, they shouldn't have been surprised that the boy with enough energy to power a steam engine was actually capable of being quiet. Neither seen nor heard. Invisible, if need be. Just like the son of a working girl, there were plenty of times when the boy of a chambermaid would have to behave better than should ever be asked of a child his age.

Buck could still remember those times when, as a boy, he'd find himself no further than a room away from his ma, but not allowed to see her. Even when he'd skinned his knee or the other kids from town would taunt him he'd have to wait until his mother was finished working, before he could go to her. And even then, his tears would have to be silent ones. The other ladies were still working.

He sure as hell remembered how quiet he was forced to be if any of the girls took sick. And how he would try to be on his best behavior in hopes that he'd be permitted to visit with them. Or sometimes, when he'd gotten older, say good-bye.

It would have been the same for J.D. with his mama. No matter how much he wanted to believe otherwise, Buck couldn't imagine it being so.

And because he didn't want that little boy worrying about him any more than he already had, Buck tried to hurry back to him. Even if every step he took radiated searing bolts of pain from his back, up through his skull and down to his toes.

Somehow, as J.D.'s lovable face peeped through the curtains then disappeared as he ran to open the door for them, the hurt seemed to lessen. And Buck couldn't help the smile that overtook him. It lightened Buck's heart to know that the boy was always so eager to see him, even if he was only returning from the outhouse, of all places.

Part 5

Nathan couldn't help but feel guilty, leaving J.D. with so much responsibility in looking after Buck. The boy's obvious eagerness to help, combined with a sharp mind and good memory, would enable him to fetch most anything Buck needed. Not to mention it'd give him something besides his own pain to focus on. He just wished he didn't have that nagging in his gut that J.D.'s behavior was more than a lingering effect of Buck's accident.

He looked at Buck sitting near the fire, a blanket covering his lap and his bed pillow cushioning his injured back from the hard wood. Nathan had given up on trying to send the man to bed. Realistically Jackson knew his friend was afraid of lying down and not being able to get up again under his own power. Something that, despite the liniment rub and the bearberry Nathan had given him, was a very legitimate concern. Probably the same reason he couldn't get Buck to even strip down to his underclothes so at least he'd be more comfortable.

"Buck Wilmington might get caught with his pants down, but only when there's a mighty fine and shapely reason for it." Nathan had nearly choked trying to keep a straight face and swallow the retort that desperately wanted to emerge. A quick glance at the wide hazel eyes gazing intently at the two men far above him had quelled Nathan's tongue though.

Looking at the Buck Wilmington that was wrapped in calico patterns in Sarah Larabee's rocker, it wasn't too difficult for Jackson to keep his thoughts to himself. Somehow it was becoming easier to see how the image of the same man leaping out of any given lady's window and into a gunfight wearing only his boots, hat, a holster on his shoulder and bright red long underwear, didn't fit with the man he was looking at now.

Times sure had changed.

With a cock of his head in J.D.'s direction, Nathan tousled the five-year-old's thick hair and leaned down to the boy's level. "Well, J.D., it looks like you and Buck are all set for me to go, but I'm gonna come back here tomorrow and check up on Buck, if that's all right with you?"

The wink Nathan shot in Buck's direction didn't go unnoticed, as Buck laughed carefully and looked to the boy to answer. "What do you say, Little Bit? You want Nathan to come back tomorrow?"

As much as J.D. seemed to enjoy and crave the attention Buck gave him, when put on the spot like this, he tended to act more like the just out of knee-pants toddler he truly was. Inching closer to Buck, he cupped a hand around his mouth, clearly wanting to discuss his opinion "in secret".

"Buck?"

"Yes, J.D." Wilmington's voice mimicked J.D.'s and carried almost as far, in part because he couldn't lean into the boy's whisper as much as he normally would.

"I want Uncle Nathan to come back."

Nathan had to stifle his laughter as the boy's "whispers" reverberated off the walls of the cabin. The important discussion and the honor of "uncle" endearing the child even further into his heart.

"I'd like that too, J.D.," Wilmington replied. "Now, why don't you go on and tell Nathan, all right?"

The boy turned to Jackson, his raised arms sending a clear message that he wanted to be picked up. Nathan complied happily and immediately found himself almost literally face to face with a very serious looking child who had something important to tell him. "So, would it be all right if I came back tomorrow, J.D.?" He prompted.

Vigorous nodding and a resounding "yes" were the response and Nathan was rewarded with a little-boy hug around his neck. In such close proximity, the healer thought J.D. felt a touch warm, so he settled the boy back on the floor and pressed his palm to the child's forehead.

"Nathan?" The creak of the rocker combined with the worry evident in the question gave Jackson sufficient warning that Buck was about to get up, but a stern glare, a head-shake and more than likely gravity, kept the injured man seated.

"He's feelin' just a little warm, Buck. Prob'ly nothin' to worry about." Nathan lowered himself to one knee, his hand moving to cup J.D.'s slightly flushed cheek. "You feelin' all right, J.D.?"

J.D. nodded, quickly scooting to the other side of the rocker. Buck gingerly laid his hand across the back of the child's neck, frowning with concern as he too felt the beginnings of fever. Worry shone in Wilmington's dark eyes as he looked up at Nathan.

Jackson reached for J.D., wanting to examine the five-year-old before he assumed the worst. "Come here, son. I just wanna get a look at ya."

Buck urged J.D. forward and Nathan gently pressed his thumbs against the sides of J.D.'s neck, but he didn't feel any swelling. "Your head or your throat hurt you any?"

J.D. shook his head, still resisting as he tried to ease out of the healer's grasp.

"J.D., be still and let Nathan finish looking you over." Buck's voice had just enough of an edge in it to create immediate compliance from the boy. Nathan knew it stemmed from concern, but he saw J.D.'s eyes mist over either from the stern tone or fear of what the mean ole doctor would do to him.

"It's all right, I'm not gonna hurt ya, J.D. I promise." Nathan inched closer and smoothed the shaggy bangs from the child's face. "Can you open your mouth for me?"

J.D. sniffed before opening his mouth just enough that Jackson could see the bottom row of baby teeth. Nathan grinned, trying to reassure both the boy and his anxious father. "C'mon, J.D., wider, so I can tell what ya had for breakfast."

Curiosity began to replace the fear in J.D.'s moist eyes as he contemplated Nathan's request and stretched his mouth to the limit. Nathan turned him toward the light until he could see the back of the child's throat. A little too red, maybe, he couldn't be sure. "I see, bacon and eggs, and what's that, oh, a biscuit with honey."

J.D.'s eyes widened. "You saw my breakfast?"

"Yep." Nathan laughed.

"Surprised he saw anything, Little Bit, since you didn't eat hardly enough to fill a bird this mornin'." Buck's concerned gaze met Nathan's as his voice trailed. "I'd thought he was just too excited to eat. . ."

Not wanting Wilmington to beat himself up any further, Nathan ignored Buck's comment and turned his attention to J.D. and the question he'd already asked Vin. "J.D., you ain't played with Eloise Potter at the mercantile this week, have you?"

"Ewwww!!! No!" The horrified face was even more telling than the boy's verbal response. So evident was J.D.'s repulsion to that poor undoubtedly unsuspecting girl, that both Nathan and Buck exhaled twin huffs of laughter. And twin sighs of relief.

"Well, I was gonna stop by and see her and her ma, wish 'em a happy Christmas. You sure you don't want me to wish 'em the same from you and Vin?" Nathan continued.

"No! Me and Vin stay away from her." J.D. wiped at his mouth, clearly disgusted with the entire topic. "Can we stop now?"

"Ok, ok. Let me finish looking you over, then you can take a rest." Nathan chuckled as he placed his fingers lightly against the boy's throat. "Can you swallow for me, son?"

J.D. licked his lips, then grimaced as he gulped hard.

"Hurts a little, don't it?"

J.D. dropped his gaze and muttered quietly. "A little."

Nathan patted his back gently. "That's ok, I got something that'll take care o' that."

Nathan shook his head at the look of horror skewing those adorable features at the mere mention of one of his 'cures.' "It ain't that bad, J.D., and it'll make you feel a lot better, I promise."

"Well? Is he ok?" Buck apparently couldn't hold back any longer.

"I don't think there's any reason to worry. He's obviously not been around the Potter girl, it's prob'ly just a touch of a cold. I'll go ahead and give him some tea for the fever and leave some peppermints for his throat. He won't mind those at all."

"Just get as much water and tea as you can down him, keep him warm so he can sweat off that fever. This herb mix I'm fixin'll make him sleep, and you, Buck Wilmington, better get some rest too. I expect you to set a good example for the boy and take your own medicine." Nathan winked at J.D. who tried to mimic the gesture but ended up blinking instead.

Buck snorted at their obvious conspiracy, but didn't protest.

"There's stew simmering on the stove that'll be ready in about an hour, so there won't be nothing for you boys to do except eat and go to bed."

"Why Nathan, if I'd a known how handy you were around the house I'd a asked you to marry me a long time ago." Buck laughed, then gasped as his injured back once again reined him in.

"You couldn't afford me." Nathan deadpanned. "Now I mean it, you gotta stay off your feet or somebody'll be carryin' you to the outhouse for the next month."

"Yes, sir. We'll be good, won't we, J.D.?" Buck stiffly reached out and cupped the back of the child's neck. J.D. nodded tentatively as Nathan turned to finish mixing the willow bark and chamomile with hot water from the kettle.

The healer wished he could stay longer. Wished he could do more to help around the cabin and more importantly to make sure J.D.'s slight temperature didn't turn into a substantial fever. But he had responsibilities in town, he had to check in on the Potter girl then make sure no one else in Four Corners had been struck ill as well. It still didn't stop him from worrying.

At J.D.'s solemn nod, Nathan turned his attention once more to Buck. "I'm gonna finish fixin' this up 'n give it to J.D. and then head on back to town. Gotta check in on Eloise, make sure everything's ok, but I'll be back here come morning. You can count on that."

+++++++

J.D. started to ask Uncle Nathan why he would want to visit with smelly Eloise Potter, but knowing his Buck would disapprove, he held his tongue. It's just that she prissed around like she thought she was so pretty, she didn't like frogs or playing in the dirt and she always smelled like the old ladies at church, only more stinky. And Eloise mercilessly pestered him until he wanted to hit her, but he'd been taught he should never hit a girl. He wasn't sure why since she was the one always hugging on him, trying to brush his hair or trying to kiss him. Yuck!

It wasn't fair that Vin could outrun her. Even though Eloise was a year older than J.D.'s cousin, Vin could run faster. Didn't matter much for Vin any more though. She'd fussed with Vin's hair some, wanting to braid it and all, back when he and Vin first started coming to town, but Vin managed to scare her or something and she left him alone. Vin never said much, but when he did, the other kids always listened. He told her to leave J.D. alone, too and she did for a time. But not no more. Eloise told J.D. she knew that Mr. Larabee wouldn't let Vin hit no girls, so she wasn't scared of Vin either. And she told J.D. that since he was earsissible he'd better just get used to being coddled.

But J.D. didn't want no one coddling him but Buck. And maybe Chris. He even asked his papa Buck that one time if he was earsissible. "Why, you sure are," is what he'd said and Buck had laughed then and asked him why he wanted to know. But J.D. was so upset with the answer he went and lied down in his bed and cried. He didn't want to be earsissible if it meant girls like Eloise wouldn't leave him be.

"Here, drink this, J.D." Nathan pushed the steaming cup toward him and he couldn't help taking a step backward. The smell alone made him feel sicker than his aching head and scratchy throat did. He didn't want to add throwing up to his misery. J.D. clamped his mouth tight, hoping Nathan would give up and leave him alone.

He turned pleading eyes toward Buck, silently begging for a reprieve. J.D. had tasted Uncle Nathan's medicine enough times to know he wanted no part of it.

"Come on up here, son." Buck patted his knee and motioned for him.

Uh-oh, there was no hope now.

Buck might give in on lots of things, but taking medicine wasn't one of them. J.D. reluctantly climbed up into his new father's lap, leaning into the crook of the man's arm and shutting his eyes tight as he was forced to drink that awful stuff. Bitterness coated his mouth and seemed to set his already hurting throat on fire. He fought the temptation to knock aside the cup and run; instead he obeyed the man he loved so much and swallowed as much as he could. Tears filled his eyes as he gagged, then started to cough uncontrollably. Finally the cup was taken away, but the lingering taste on his tongue made him want to retch.

He suddenly felt very hot and very miserable and very mad. J.D. shut out the voices of the adults trying to console him, instead burying his head in the softness of Buck's shirt and silently setting his tears free.

"Here, J.D., I think you're gonna like this a lot better." Nathan ruffled his hair, but J.D. refused to budge. He didn't want anymore medicine, no matter what kind.

Buck patted him gently on the back. "Come on, look what Nathan's got."

J.D. peered up at Nathan with one eye, ready to resist if this was a trick. Instead the healer held out a fat stick of peppermint, the man's soft voice and sincere expression saying he really was sorry for making him drink that yucky stuff. J.D. snatched the candy, sticking one end in his mouth before Nathan had a chance to change his mind. Suddenly remembering his manners J.D. mumbled a quiet "thank you" as he pressed deeper into the safety of Buck's arms.

"Sorry about the shirt there, Buck." Nathan laughed. J.D. wasn't sure what he meant, but he figured it had something to do with him.

"Aw, that's ok. It's worth it, right, kiddo?" Buck rubbed his hand along J.D.'s back, soothing his wounded pride just as the peppermint juice soothed the burn in his throat. "Don't worry 'bout us, Nathan. Me and J.D.'ll take care of each other, won't we Little Bit?"

J.D. nodded, but he was so tired and dizzy all of a sudden, he really wasn't sure he'd be able to look after Buck at all. Right now all he wanted was to let Buck take care of him. He sure wished mama was here. Mama'd be able to look after them both.

Part 6

"J.D., you wanna play some checkers?" Buck tried to coax the little boy out of his sullenness with something he almost never refused. A chance to have Buck's full attention while doing something he really enjoyed.

"Nuh, uh." J.D. answered, burrowing deeper into Buck's hold.

"Want me to read you that story you like? The one with the cowboy and the wild horse?"

J.D. shook his head, his sticky fingers clutching Buck's shirt. "Maybe later, ok? I'm sleepy now."

Initially Buck had felt heartened by Nathan's diagnosis of J.D.'s illness. Knowing full well that if the knowledgeable healer had truly believed the boy's condition was serious, he'd have piled them both into a wagon, insisting they head back to town with him.

Now, Buck was on his own, feeling a little lost and a little anxious. He had always trusted Nathan implicitly and logic told him J.D.'s growing listlessness was simply a result of the medicine. Yet an irrational and overwhelming sense of doubt was hanging over him now. Maybe he should have insisted J.D. go back with Nathan to Four Corners.

Wilmington squeezed his eyes shut tight against the barrage of thoughts invading his mind. He had never realized that becoming a parent suddenly meant you'd end up second-guessing yourself and everyone around you. Even good men like Nathan Jackson.

Buck knew it wouldn't do him, J.D. or his back a lick of good to keep fretting about something he couldn't change. He'd have to follow Nathan's advice, let the tea take care of the child's physical ailments and work a little of the Wilmington magic with J.D.'s emotional ones.

"Ok, son, just rest for a spell before supper. Give that medicine time to work." Buck smoothed the child's hair as he rocked slowly, trying to stretch out the kink already forming along his spine. The added weight in his arms tore at his abused muscles, but Wilmington wasn't willing to take away J.D.'s comfort for his own. Besides, it wouldn't hurt to try and catch a little shut-eye himself.

Except the remedies Nathan had given him earlier hadn't taken away enough of the pain to allow him any real rest. What he needed was a firm bed and a firmer woman to . . . Buck laughed to himself. That wasn't really true anymore. Not that he still didn't appreciate the company of the opposite sex, but that priority had been replaced by a different one altogether.

There was a time when women had been his entire life. He'd never met one that he hadn't found attractive in one way or another, no matter the shape of her face or the size of her hips. He'd always thought that God had given him the extraordinary gift of seeing only the best in them to make up for his lack of a desire to actually settle down with just one in particular. Buck thought he was safe from commitment, too strong to give in and get hitched. Who would have ever thought the love of his life would be the little dark-haired, doe-eyed, cute-as-a-button boy drifting off in his arms?

Now, instead of fantasizing about a set of buxom twins, he was daydreaming about his boy. What J.D. would look like in five or 10 years; what his dreams would be and the never-ending worry about keeping him happy and safe.

Fate sure had a funny way of turning things around on a man.

+++++++

"You really don't think J.D.'s gonna be mad about all the fun stuff we're doing without him?" Vin asked as he bounced on the edge of the large bed. It'd been a long ride with few rest stops due to the boy's growing excitement and Chris wished he had that kind of boundless energy. He was surprised Vin had even agreed to check into the hotel first so they could freshen up before heading out to see the town.

"No need to worry. I'm sure once J.D. gets a look at what all we'll be bringing home, he'll be a happy boy." Chris stifled the chuckle that wanted to work its way out of his throat. He had hoped that this trip to Eagle Bend would help bring out more of the true child in Vin Tanner, but never would he have thought that the boy could ever become as talkative as his always enthusiastic younger cousin.

The seven-year-old's excited commentary - from the moment they'd arrived in Eagle Bend - could have even been considered downright irritating, if not for the pleasure of seeing pure happiness written all over the orphan's face. And knowing that he was largely responsible for it warmed Chris's soul.

If not for the absence of Buck and J.D., Larabee would have considered their trip perfect.

Chris smiled to himself at the awe-struck expression Vin had developed upon their arrival. Just as Buck had promised the boys, using all his elaborate story-telling ways, the festive storefronts were resplendent with more color and brilliance than Vin had undoubtedly seen in his young life. Each entrance adorned with a welcoming wreath and every window with at least one candle, creating an atmosphere of warmth and hospitality.

Chris finished washing the dust from his face and watched Vin peering past the curtains at the town below. Pain and newfound joy battled inside his chest as a faint remembrance of his past life surfaced. He looked away before it overwhelmed him, rubbing the thick towel over his features until he'd erased the memory from his thoughts.

He'd pushed Christmas aside for the past few years, the spirit of the holiday lost forever in a pile of ashes and misery. Now with a new, young family again, he remembered what it was like to look at it through innocent eyes.

With a cleansing sigh he grabbed his hat and motioned for Vin to follow. "You ready to see the sights, Cowboy?"

Vin leapt in front of him, his eagerness apparent as he pulled the door open wide. Chris tousled the blond curls before socking Vin's hat down over the boy's eyes, relishing the excited squeal of mock protest as they set out on their adventure.

+++++++

Buck had managed to doze on and off from sheer boredom. His back had long since become numb, a mixed blessing because he knew when the pain reawakened it most likely would be worse. The fire flickered low and the room still felt warm enough, but he knew it wouldn't last much longer. He'd have to put on more wood and since that meant waking J.D. and actually moving, he chose to stay where he was.

J.D.'s body jerked suddenly and Buck tightened his hold. The boy whimpered deep in his throat as his legs stiffened and he tossed his head in an effort to escape whatever held him captive in his dreams. Buck could see the familiar furrowed brow and the distressed expression and knew J.D. was heading into another nightmare.

"Hey, Little Bit." Buck shook him gently, wiping the hair from the child's face as he tried to bring him back to awareness. Fear stabbed at his heart as he felt clammy skin beneath his palm and J.D.'s sweat-soaked hairline as he sat him upright. "Come on, wake up, son."

J.D.'s eyelids fluttered, then opened wide to reveal his tears and panic. He immediately wrapped his arms around Buck's neck, holding onto him like he'd just been rescued from the jaws of a bear.

"It's ok, J.D., it's ok."

The agony of strained muscles reached fiery levels, but Buck didn't care. He rubbed the child's back, whispering soothingly in his ear. "I'm right here, son. Buck's got you, you're all right."

The near-silent crying died down and J.D. pulled back to look at Buck. The boy's bottom lip still quivered slightly, but his eyes had grown calm.

"Did you have a bad dream, kiddo?"

J.D. nodded and Buck cupped the child's flushed face in his hand, growing even more alarmed at the noticeable heat radiating from his skin. "You still don't feel good?"

J.D. nodded again, the remaining tears finding their way down his reddened cheeks as his head bobbed. Buck wiped them away with his thumb then pulled the small boy against his chest again. "We'll just have to take care of that, won't we? Let's get some of that supper Nathan made and then you can take a nap in my bed, ok?"

"'Kay." J.D. answered softly.

Buck squeezed the tiny shoulders, keeping his own tears in check. The pain of his injuries had nothing on the suffering in his soul when his boy hurt. He released J.D. from his embrace and let him slide to the floor. Buck bit his lip as he eased out of the rocker, unable to do anything but drop to his knees or risk passing out from the agony.

J.D. watched with dismay as Buck gripped the chair and slowly tried to pull himself to his feet. Buck's heart leapt as J.D. held out his hand to help him stand. Touched that the boy thought he could help, yet afraid to accept his offer from fear that he might stumble and fall on the child. "I'll be fine, Little Bit. Go ahead and set the table for me, all right?"

J.D. hesitated for a moment, then moved toward the kitchen and out of the way like Buck had wanted. The big man held onto the chair with a bloodless grip and eased his way upright. Well, almost. He remained hunched over, but at least he was on his feet. He stumbled his way to the stove using the walls and various pieces of furniture for support and found J.D. waiting patiently, a bowl clutched in each hand.

There was no way Buck would be able to lift and carry the pot of stew, so he filled the bowls and let J.D. carry them to the table. He also let the boy fill their glasses, laughing to himself at the splashes of water seemingly hitting everywhere but in the cups. The kid was almost as handy in the kitchen as Chris.

"Go ahead and eat, son." Buck figured his own supper would be ice cold by the time he sat down and he didn't want J.D. waiting on him. Besides, he was still trying to figure out a way to convince J.D. to drink the concoction Nathan had mixed up for him. He sure didn't have the strength to force it down the boy, not that he wanted to anyway.

Buck poured in just enough hot water to dissolve the herbs and gingerly retrieved the jar of honey above the cook stove. As much as J.D. loved sweets, that might just be the trick to improve the taste enough for the little guy. He dipped in a large spoon and let it drip into J.D.'s tea, then he carried it slowly to the table.

"J.D." Buck knew he had to use the right approach or he'd have to resort to outright begging. "I know this stuff didn't taste too good before, but I fixed it up with enough honey that you won't taste the medicine at all. Now be a good boy and drink this for me, please?"

J.D. frowned, but took the cup, sniffing the contents carefully. He took a sip, swallowing hard as the tea went down. Buck smiled brightly. "That's it." He didn't know what Nathan's problem was, all he had to do was sweeten it up a little and the boy would drink it like it was milk. "Couple more swallows and you'll be done."

"Can I have some bread too?" J.D. asked, just as Buck started to sit.

Thankful that J.D. had spoken up before Buck had gotten all the way into his chair, Buck hobbled across the room toward the pantry. The stiffness in his back was starting to abate, but the unexpected stabs of blinding pain that still claimed him were a vivid reminder that he was far from being fit.

It was a damn good thing Nathan was due back in the morning.

+++++++

J.D. didn't want to tell Buck his tea didn't taste any better than the stuff Nathan had made him drink. It was too thick to swallow good and his throat hurt something terrible. Even the smell of the stew made him gag and he knew he'd throw up if he drank that awful tea.

As his new father headed back to the pantry, J.D. poured the mixture into his stew, then quickly switched bowls with Buck. He just couldn't drink no more. And besides, if it was supposed to be good for him, then it'd be good for Buck too.

He moved his spoon around the chunks of meat and vegetables in his bowl then brought a tiny bit of soup to his lips to taste. It was all right, but it hurt going down too. He smiled up at Buck as he approached the table with the bread. J.D. pretended he'd just taken a huge mouthful and Buck glanced at his cup.

"That's my big boy!" Buck squeezed his neck and patted him on the back before easing around to sit. "I'm real proud of ya, J.D."

J.D. stared at his meal, the words of praise making him feel more than a little guilty and downright deceitful. Of course he knew if he confessed it would mean Buck would make more tea and this time he would really have to drink it. Besides, J.D. didn't want to do anything that might disappoint Buck. He just couldn't. Not when he sounded so happy with him.

J.D. took another bite, chewing slowly and dreading trying to swallow. Buck took a mouthful of stew, his face grimacing slightly as the taste hit his tongue.

"Glad Nathan's a good doctor 'cause he sure couldn't make no livin' as a cook." Buck winked then took a long drink of water.

J.D. saw his chance. "I don't like it, Buck."

"Aw, it ain't too bad, mind you, just kinda. . . different." Buck spooned in another bite, his face contorting. "You want me to fix you something else? I don't want you goin' to bed hungry."

Guilt and the unpleasant memory of lying awake nights at the orphanage because his stomach wouldn't stop growling made Buck's words sink in. Buck must really love him a lot to not want him to go to bed without supper.

"It ain't too bad." J.D. mimicked as he brought another spoonful to his lips and tried not to cry as it passed down his tender throat. He'd rather eat his stew, no matter how much it hurt, than disappoint his new papa.

Part 7

The sun had set by the time Buck finished his meal and he turned up the lamp on the table. Despite it being a good hour or so before the boy's normal bedtime, Buck could tell there would be no argument about retiring early tonight. J.D. continued to pick at his food although Buck figured he either didn't feel like eating or he wasn't nearly so tolerant of Nathan's seasonings. If Wilmington had been able to actually move he would have made the boy something decent for supper.

"I think that stew's done been mutilated enough." Buck grinned at the perplexed expression on the little boy's face, yet felt disappointment when he didn't respond with his usual questions about things he hadn't understood. J.D.'s chubby cheeks were a deep pink and his eyes much too glassy for Buck's comfort. His heart told Buck that despite Nathan's diagnosis, the boy was getting worse. "Come on, son, you ready to take a nap?"

J.D. nodded solemnly and crawled out of his chair. Buck hated seeing him so subdued and cursed his own frailty. "Go on and change, I'll be right behind ya." More like an hour behind, Buck thought as he once again tried to pry himself out of his chair.

He felt like a complete and utter failure in the Daddy role right now. He should be lifting J.D. into his arms, letting that dark head rest against his shoulder as he carried the sick little guy to bed. Instead, he had J.D. putting on his own nightclothes and tucking himself in.

The need to be there for his boy pushed him forward and he gnashed his teeth as he fought to ignore the stabs of pain running along his spine. By the time he'd made his way into his room, J.D. stood waiting to greet him in the doorway. Buck couldn't help but smile at the tiny child in his oversized blue nightshirt reaching out to help steady him as he walked into the room.

"You're comin' to bed now too, ain't you, Buck? Uncle Nathan said you needed to rest." J.D. rushed to pull back the covers and Buck nodded as he lowered himself onto the bed. He knew that once he stretched out on the soft mattress, he might not be able to get up for days. Then again, there wasn't much else he could do anyway. Getting anything done was out of the question and he sure as heck couldn't sleep in a chair. Might as well rest now and worry about being able to move in the morning.

The sound of tiny bare feet smacking against the wood registered in Buck's ears. "J.D., where's your socks?"

The boy looked down at his feet as if he hadn't noticed before. "Forgot."

"Uh, huh. Uncle Nathan said you needed to stay warm, so go put some on unless you want him to bring you some more tea, boy."

J.D. hurried back toward his room and returned shortly, his woollen socks barely making it past his ankles in his apparent haste. An unexpected tug on Buck's leg made his back spasm and he gasped to keep from yelling.

"Son, what are you doing?" The words emerged through tight lips as he realized the source of his pain.

J.D. looked up at him, his small hands still securely planted on Buck's foot as he pulled again, this time succeeding in both removing the boot and making the room spin.

"Helpin' you get ready for bed." The innocence and sincerity in the young voice touched Buck's heart and he steadied himself as J.D. grabbed the other foot. He wanted to laugh as he clutched for dear life to the bedpost and J.D. slid on the smooth floor as he wrestled a boot almost as big as he was. Of course he'd have never made light of the situation in front of the boy. Not when J.D. took his appointed job as caretaker more seriously than a five-year-old ever should.

Buck managed to live through the eager tyke's insistence on helping him lie down too. Barely. By the time his legs were on the bed and his body stretched out, the sheer agony had caused Buck to almost utter a few choice words he was sure had been long forgotten. Words his mother used to threaten to wash out his mouth for even thinking.

"Come on, time for shut-eye, kiddo." He motioned for J.D. to get in, afraid any more 'help' from the boy would certainly kill him.

J.D. crawled in beside him, pulling the covers over them both before settling his head in the crook of Buck's arm. All the pain and exhaustion didn't matter anymore as J.D. snuggled against his chest. His boy. Someone he'd never known he'd wanted and someone he knew he could no longer live without.

Buck shifted his weight slightly, trying to get more comfortable without disturbing the little boy in his hold. Finally he found a position he could live with, at least for tonight. Besides, he did feel better. Kinda light-headed and suddenly so sleepy he could hardly keep his eyes open.

J.D. kicked off the blanket he'd just covered himself with and squirmed restlessly. "What's the matter, Little Bit?" Buck smoothed back the dark hair from the child's face, immediately noting the increased heat emanating from the soft skin.

"Too hot." The boy replied, confirming Buck's fears that J.D.'s fever was far from abating and, in fact was getting worse. And Buck couldn't do a damn thing about it. He wanted to get up, walk across the room and wet a cloth to smooth across the boy's brow. Hold him in his arms and hum softly into his hair and soothe away the hurt. Just as Buck's ma had done for him when he was little. And just as Sarah and Chris had done for Adam.

Instead, he was so damn sore and weak he could barely lift his head off the pillow. Well, his back wasn't really all that sore now, come to think of it. It was actually kind of numb. Hell, everything felt numb. And awfully heavy. With no real pain, you'd think a body that'd been hurting as bad as Buck's had would be more than willing to cooperate and get up. Instead, his leaden limbs were no more likely to lift off the bed than fly, the reality of which dismayed him more than he could ever imagine.

He could only think of one other time when he'd felt this hopeless and utterly useless. That time in Hell. . . after the fire. When he'd been too late to save Sarah and Adam and had nothing but strong arms, broad shoulders and weak words to offer Chris. None of which his best friend had been willing to accept.

This time was different though. With J.D., Buck's love was accepted unconditionally. As were his strong arms, broad shoulders and soothing words. And so he carefully, and with more effort than should have been required, snaked his arm out from under the covers and drew his son once again into his side. Murmuring to reassure the sleepy boy, he nestled the little head against his chest, and pulled his shivering form close. Despite the fact that moments earlier the child had discarded his blanket, in his near slumber he willingly surrendered to Buck's hold and settled against his shoulder.

The boy would be all right. He had to be. Nathan would be back tomorrow and, in the meantime, J.D. had his father's warmth and love to keep him safe. And, just before exhaustion finally claimed him, Buck prayed to heaven it would.

+++++++

"You ready for some shut-eye, Cowboy?" Chris softly asked of the already half-asleep youth he was tucking under the bedcovers. Despite the long ride and non-stop activity since they'd arrived in Eagle Bend, it had taken longer than Chris had expected for the boy to finally wear himself out enough to crawl into bed.

Vin blinked owlishly as his whispered "yeah" turned into a yawn and Chris couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

"All right then. I'm gonna sit up for a while, so you just call out if you need anything." Tenderly tousling the soft waves under his palm, Chris rose from the featherbed intending to make his way over to the comfortable armchair under the windowsill calling to his tired bones.

"Chris?" The sweet voice stopped him and he returned his attention to Vin.

"Yes, son."

Adoring blue eyes grew serious, yet the smile never diminished. "Thank you," the boy whispered.

The sudden lump in Chris's throat nearly choked him. Only Adam had ever looked at him with such devotion. Until now. He determinedly refused to give into the grief and instead grinned back at the child - his child - all the while wondering how on earth he'd been so lucky to have been given such a gift. He really was a lucky man. Just like Buck had told him so after the two orphans had come into their lives. And Larabee was finally beginning to believe his good friend. "You're very welcome, Vin. And thank you for coming along."

The boy beamed at that. Seeing the joy carried over from his eventful day still written all over Vin's face, Chris couldn't help but ask him the question he'd asked before tucking him in for the night. "You're sure you want to leave right after breakfast? I bet there's places we didn't get to today." Truth be told, that was highly unlikely, but he didn't want the boy to miss out on any of the wonders Eagle Bend had to offer.

Not at all surprising though to Chris, Vin shook his head vehemently. "No, Chris, we gotta get back to J.D. And to Buck." The small face wore a solemn expression again and Chris's chest swelled with pride in the boy who took his responsibility to his younger cousin - to their entire patchwork family, in reality - so seriously.

Impulsively he found himself reaching for Vin again, smoothing his hand along the boy's flaxen hair. "Ok, then," he murmured, watching as the boy fell asleep under his touch. "Good night, Cowboy," he whispered and then quietly resumed his path to the inviting chair.

Settling into his seat, Chris looked out into the starry night. He couldn't deny how much he had enjoyed being a part of Vin's adventure. It had certainly brought out a side of Vin that had been too long in coming.

From the minute the boy had stepped off the boardwalk and grabbed Chris's hand, he knew bringing Vin along had been the right choice. Even if J.D. couldn't be with them this time, the trip would bring the youngster some much needed fun.

That wonderment began with the churchyard that had been graced with a nativity scene of such grandeur and realism that even Chris had to stop himself from openly gaping at the view. Yet what had mesmerized the boy most, what had literally stopped him in his tracks, had been the immense evergreen which towered like a cathedral in the center of the brightly decorated town square. Once Vin had regained his composure and his feet, he had circled the tree more times than Chris wanted to remember, having been dragged along as the child stored the memory of each and every ornament or strand of tinsel and popcorn to bring home with him.

The tree had been so exquisite that, for a moment, Chris had felt a twinge of guilt. That the modest and humble tree that he and Buck had cut down for the boys days before simply couldn't measure up to the one before him. But, as he'd recalled the laughter and joy that permeated the air the afternoon he, Buck and their boys had selected and brought home their tree, he realized he had nothing to worry about. The delight twinkling in the boys' eyes as they'd garnished it with a few precious decorations, along with paper chains and popcorn strands, lovingly made by fumbling hands big and small, changed Chris's mind. He and Buck had no reason to feel guilty. The boys had been thrilled with their tree. And the memory of their first tree together would be one that Chris would hold close to his heart forever.

But that didn't mean a few newfangled glass ornaments - made in Germany, no less - hadn't found their way into Chris's saddle bag.

New ornaments for their new family, had been his explanation to Vin. Not that the boy had needed any convincing.

After dinner and making their purchases of decorations, candy and the noise poppers Chris had been able to secretly buy for both boys, he and Vin had made their way back to their hotel room to store away their new treasures. A quick change into heavier clothes for the evening had preceded a desired return visit to the town square. The splendor of the tree had once again captivated the boy and this time visitors had been entertained by carolers gathered around its base as well.

Chris found himself wincing, then smiling fondly at the memory of Vin's more than a little flat rendition of the few carols he knew. And the off-key humming of those he didn't. It seemed Chris's adopted son and he had something else in common.

As Chris gazed out into the night, he recalled listening to that boy's vivid recounting of his adventure as he'd been tucked into bed, and his chest swelled with satisfaction. Success. Contentment.

And yet throughout the trip his thoughts had constantly strayed to those two members of his family who he'd left behind. And he couldn't deny how much he'd missed Buck and J.D.'s presence just for the short time they'd been apart. He could vividly imagine J.D. perched high on Buck's shoulders, both of them staring wide-eyed at the decorated windows and the seemingly endless sights the town had to offer. Now his thoughts turned to wondering how his best friend with a bad back and a soft heart was coping with the talkative tyke on his own.

He wasn't overly concerned about J.D. taxing Buck's patience or limitations. When it came to children, and J.D. in particular, Buck had the patience of a saint. Sure, at times both boys could bewilder him. Even exasperate and annoy. But, the full of life, overgrown kid that Wilmington was had a tolerance level that far exceeded most parents. Including himself at times, Chris had to begrudgingly admit.

Buck and J.D. would do fine together and their remarkable bond would undoubtedly strengthen even further. Yet, Chris couldn't help but feel a sense of loss. That neither Buck nor J.D. were able to share in the excitement and sheer fun of this latest adventure.

In spite of the five-year-old's usually cheerful demeanor, Chris knew that the trip to Eagle Bend would have done the child every bit as much good as it appeared to have done for his older cousin.

J.D. needed that kind of magic in his life too.

Although Chris might have originally bought into the idea that J.D. was simply a happier child than Vin and perhaps less affected by the hardships they both had suffered, he no longer held that belief. He frankly still felt a little ashamed that he hadn't been able to figure out J.D.'s 'act' on his own. After all, the boy did live under his roof. In a home they shared with an equally affable 'actor'.

Typically, Buck had understood the child almost immediately. Which was perhaps what had drawn them together in the first place. That attraction and unusual connection between those two should have been Chris's first clue that there was much more to J.D. than had initially met the eye. He knew Buck was cut from the identical cloth. In fact, the man was damn near as complicated as any woman Chris had ever run across which, come to think of it, probably explained why he got along so unbelievably well with the fairer sex. Even if he did often present himself to the world as only one step above a happy-go-lucky buffoon.

Buck Wilmington was far from being a carefree fool though. As was the boy who had become a son to him.

It had been Josiah and Ezra who'd both sent not-so-subtle hints Chris's way about J.D.'s behavior. Josiah was always there to remind Chris of just how recently J.D. had lost his mother and the only home he ever knew. And how much time he spent in an overburdened orphanage as the youngest and by far the smallest child in the care of underpaid and overworked strangers.

Ezra's comments were at times subtle and at others scathing, but would almost always give Chris insight into not only J.D., but the gambler's background and what made him tick as well. When Ezra quietly spoke of living as an outsider in a lavish home, unable to partake in the amenities of that home, Larabee would not only begin to understand more about J.D., but about his gambler friend too. And any of Standish's references to the 'hired help' and the disdain his mother and other relatives had for the 'lower classes' were always full of remorse. As though there had been a time when Ezra had treated the likes of J.D.'s mother, and by association the likes of her kin, equally as poorly. And his shame for such behavior was palpable.

But Chris knew in his heart that Ezra adored both J.D. and Vin. From the moment the gambler had stopped the orphanage's Sister Martha from punishing J.D. after he and Vin had run away from Josiah's church, he should have known that Ezra was going to become their champion as well as their friend.

Buck, on the other hand, had never openly shared his insight into J.D. with Chris. In retrospect, Larabee felt he had the why of that figured out. That Buck - being the selfless friend that he always was - had left Chris to handle the immense task of bolstering Vin's self-esteem and earning his trust, while he took on the equally arduous mission of breaking through the wall of seemingly carefree happiness that J.D. had built to protect an already shattered heart.

At times Chris wasn't sure who he was more angry with: Buck, for taking on the responsibility of J.D.'s emotional well-being on his own, while still helping as much as he could with Vin. Or himself, for being too blind to recognize that the enchanting little child, whose actions and attitude were so much like those of his guardian's, undoubtedly shared a similar history of suffering, hardship and heartache as well.

So, as he listened to the contented sleepy exhalations of Vin, the rancher could only hope that the small treasures they brought back home to the little boy left behind, would bring to him even a fraction of the true, undeniable joy that his older cousin had experienced today.

+++++++

J.D. woke up slowly. A dull ache in his belly and an overwhelming heat swimming through his whole body pulled him rudely from his dreams. His newly opened eyes began to adjust to the darkness as he searched for his older cousin. Panic squeezed in his chest until he remembered he was safe in his papa's room. J.D. sat up, one arm wrapped protectively around his hurting middle as he shook Buck's unconscious form with his free hand.

"Wake up, Buck. I don't feel good." J.D. could barely get the words out of his scratchy throat and he poked the sleeping man in the ribs with his fist. The only response he got was a low groan as Buck settled back into his pillow.

J.D. knew that with enough persistence he could probably wake him, but he remembered that Buck had needed Nathan's help to move around before. And Uncle Nathan had told him he needed to take care of Buck, said he needed to sleep if he was going to get well. J.D. figured he could at least go to the outhouse by himself. He'd been outside in the dark lots of times without grownups. Of course he usually had Vin with him, but still, he wasn't no baby. J.D. slid off the edge of the bed, doubling over as another cramp hit his stomach.

Faint moonlight reflecting off the windows lit a pathway toward the front door and he quickly stepped into the tiny boots waiting for him on the straw mat. He'd get in trouble for going outside in his sock feet, even if it wasn't all that cold.

He pushed back the heavy wooden door, slipping out and letting it latch softly behind him. Clouds drifted overhead, closing out the moon's faint light and allowing darkness to turn the boy's once familiar surroundings into a nightmarish land that reeked of imagined outlaws and monsters. Like the ones that lived in those scary stories Vin liked to tell him sometimes. A cold breeze rustled through the trees and J.D.'s heart pounded deafeningly in his ears as he raced toward the looming shadow of the outhouse. Halfway there he stopped in his tracks, the sickening stew he'd forced down began to push its way back up into his throat.

He yelped in pain as he dropped to his knees to let the vile liquid spew onto the ground. Tears stung his eyes as he desperately cried out Buck's name. His body trembled as his belly continued to spasm until he sat there dry heaving and crying in the cool night air. Breathing hurt, swallowing wasn't possible even if he'd wanted to. He tried to call for Buck again, but the hoarseness of his voice and the distance made the five-year-old only too aware that he couldn't be heard. He didn't care if he was acting like a baby, he just wanted somebody to rub his back and hold his head until the awful hurting in his stomach and his throat went away.

"Mama!"

It was all he could think of to do. She'd always been able to know when he was sick, whether he told her or not and surely she knew that he needed her now. "I'm here, Mama." He whispered as he collapsed weakly onto his side. Miserable and too tired to even cry anymore.

'J.D.'

His bottom lip quivered as he raised his head in search of the voice, that sweet voice he'd heard call his name. His mother's voice.

"Mama." J.D. climbed weakly to his feet. The wind whipped around him, drying the dampness on his face and the sweat still clinging around the edges of his hair. He shivered violently, but he no longer cared how cold he was. The promise of his long-lost mother's warm arms and loving touch pushed aside the discomfort and the fear. She'd come for him. Just like she always said she would.

The sweet smell of her perfume and the whispers in the darkness pulled him forward. He ignored the sharp branches as they raked across his face and against the tender flesh of his palms as he followed the rustling of her long skirt. "Mama, don't leave."

J.D. wished he could see her, see anything in the growing blackness of the forest engulfing him, but he was running on faith. Her voice faded, blended with the snapping of twigs under his feet and the growing rush of water ahead. She was leading him to the stream.

He stopped. Buck and Chris warned him never to go to the water without an adult. Not ever. But she was with him.

"Mama wait!" J.D. shouted best he could, the strain on his raw throat bringing fresh tears to his eyes. "I'm scared, don't leave!"

The image of the moon shone in the reflection of the stream, its light bouncing and glowing off the movement of the swift water and he looked down at the icy liquid. His mother's voice no longer beckoned him, her scent no longer led him and J.D. realized he was alone. Fear churned in his stomach and he wiped the budding sweat from his forehead, his eyes searching the landscape for something, anything he recognized.

Only the chill and the endless darkness greeted him as reality sunk in. He was cold and sick and terrified.

And very, very lost.

Part 8

Nathan shook his head, chiding himself over the meticulous checking and re-checking of his medical bag even after he'd already hitched it to his saddle. Even though he knew he'd packed it with everything he felt he needed for his trip to the Larabee ranch. More bearberry and liniment for Buck's back, and more herbs and teas for J.D.

He hoped that Buck hadn't had a difficult night looking after the boy. Jackson still felt bad about having to run out on them yesterday, but he'd been concerned about being needed here in town as well.

The good news was that ever since the Potter girl had first shown any sign of sickness, she and J.D. seemed to be the only ones to come down with anything at all. Fortunately, with school out for Christmas, the children of Four Corners hadn't been as exposed to each other as would've been the case just a week before. For that Nathan was eternally grateful.

The bad news though - and the reason Nathan couldn't abandon his obligation to the town - was that, after having spent a rough night along with Mrs. Potter tending to her sick daughter, Nathan was now quite certain that poor Eloise did have quinsy.

Thankfully, the fever she'd developed from the infection in her throat had broken overnight. He felt confident that the worst was over for the little girl and that, with continued care, she would pull through. Thank the good Lord.

Now all he had to do was make sure his two patients out at the ranch were on the mend as well.

"You sure you haven't forgotten anything?" Josiah Sanchez mocked, breaking into a wide grin as he rode up to the hitching post, alongside his friend.

Quickly refastening the bag as though he was a child caught stealing cookies, the healer answered. "Maybe I should just forget you was invited to come along." Feigned irritation might have been his intended tone, but his flustered expression only seemed to make Sanchez grin even wider.

Josiah laughed heartily. "Now, don't go taking any offence, you told me just last night that you'd welcome my company."

Jackson couldn't help but smile as well. Josiah Sanchez was a good friend. Not just to Nathan, but to all five of the lawmen keeping watch over this town. His expression sobered. "I am obliged to you, Josiah. If'n I wasn't needed back here for Miz Potter, I'd be more 'n happy to look after the chores at the ranch."

Sanchez waved off any further attempt on Nathan's part to justify his need of assistance. "No need to explain yourself, Nathan. God knows you have folk here to get back to. You know I'm more than happy to lend Buck a helping hand and tend to the stock. Whether you're there or not." Josiah's expression grew more serious as he reached across the space separating the two men and their horses and placed a firm hand on his friend's shoulder. "Now believe me when I tell you this, my friend. You are the only soul in town laying fault for you not being able to be in two places at once."

Shrugging off the pacifying grip, Nathan smiled somewhat sheepishly. "Guess I just can't help feelin' bad that I left Buck behind with that boy yesterday."

"Nathan," Sanchez sighed. "Leaving J.D. with Buck was the best thing for him."

"Oh, yeah? 'N just which him are you referrin' to?"

"Take your pick," Sanchez answered with a wink.

Nathan had to chuckle. The preacher did have a point. Buck wouldn't do anything so stupid as to jeopardize injuring his back further when he had that boy he adored so much to look after. And, whether the child's subdued behavior was due to being under the weather or due to a past that often demanded absolute obedience, J.D. had clearly proven the day before that he could behave more manageably when called upon. Josiah was right.

"Ain't that the truth," Jackson said, feeling a whole lot better about the situation.

"You 'bout ready to ride then?"

"That I am." Nathan grinned widely and mounted his horse and the two friends leisurely rode side-by-side down the street. They'd only progressed past a few of the storefronts however, when both men were startled by the sound of Ezra Standish's distant call, the tone of which sounded fairly troubled.

Alarmed, Nathan and Josiah reined in their geldings and turned as one at the uncharacteristically harried appearance of their fellow peacekeeper and friend as he quickly strode down the boardwalk from the direction of the saloon. Coming to a stop only when he was directly beside them, Ezra spoke again. "Gentlemen, I was afraid you were leaving without me."

Josiah exchanged a confused glance with Nathan. No plans had been made for Ezra to accompany them this morning. In fact, ever since his return from a trip out to the ranch to check on Buck the day he'd fallen, Ezra had been completely consumed in a marathon poker game with a well-to-do gentleman from St. Louis.

Admittedly, their friend had been shirking his patrol duties, but with the town being so quiet, Josiah had let Ezra be. It was Christmas after all and the ex-preacher was content to keep an eye on the town while Nathan busily tended to his patients, and while Ezra got to play. Josiah knew that if push came to shove, Ezra would always be there to back him up.

"Care to explain that, Ezra?" Josiah spoke up first. "Not that you aren't welcome to come along, but we thought you were otherwise occupied with Mr. Tremaine."

"Sure 'nough," Jackson continued. "The way you two been playin' all them hands, didn't think you'd be heading out to Chris's place again 'til Christmas. 'Less 'n you wore out your cards first."

Ezra smirked at the sarcasm. He was quite accustomed to the abuse his favorite pastime wrought from his friends, and actually enjoyed the verbal sparring matches. "I assure you, gentlemen, my deck is in fine form. As are Mr. Wilmington and young J.D. I hope to presume?"

"J.D.?" It was Nathan who spoke, but Josiah was just as surprised that the seemingly preoccupied Ezra knew J.D. was down sick as well.

"Why, yes." Seeing the twin looks of confusion on his friends' faces, Ezra was compelled to clarify. "I understand from the lovely Señorita Recillos that the boy is feeling quite unwell."

Ezra hesitated and it was obvious to Nathan that Ezra had more to say but, where healing was concerned, his friend was reluctant to overstep what he perceived as his bounds. He gave Standish a reassuring nod, silent sanction to speak openly, which Ezra immediately accepted. "If I might be so frank, Mr. Jackson, with Eloise being so ill, I was quite surprised to find you had not returned with J.D. yesterday when the opportunity had presented itself. Is the boy truly all right?"

"No need to worry. I don't think J.D.'s got quinsy. Eloise ain't been anywhere near 'im."

Green eyes flashed with surprise and Ezra practically stammered his response. "On the contrary, Nathan. . . I-I'm afraid I must beg to differ. It seems where the young lady is concerned, J.D. possesses the inborn animal magnetism of his surrogate father. The girl is as attracted to him as bees are to honey. And I dare say, considerably less subtle about procuring what she wants."

Nathan had no idea how his friend knew all of this about Eloise and J.D. but he had no reason to doubt him. He could feel his heart racing and his stomach flip at the implications of Ezra's words. "Ezra, do you know if them two's been in close contact this past week?"

Ezra's tone was as serious as Nathan's. "I fear she's waylaid the boy with her considerable affections on at least one occasion in recent memory. Of that I can assure you."

"Damn!" Nathan shook his head in disgust, at what or whom he didn't know. Turning to Josiah, he could see the same concern. As the bowed head raised and their eyes met, he spoke once more. "Josiah, we gotta go."

Sanchez nodded resolutely as he gathered his reins. Turning his attention to Ezra, his face wore an apology. Waiting for Ezra was not an option.

Ezra shook his head, halting Josiah's words. "No need to explain, my friends. I'll be along as quickly as I can." He turned to Nathan, who was clearly chafing to get on his way. "Nathan, is there anything you require of me?"

The healer paused, taking in a cleansing breath and a moment to think clearly. "Yeah, Ezra. I need you to check with Miz Potter 'n see if she can find out from Eloise if there's any other kids livin' outside of town she might've played with. 'N if there are, ride out 'n make sure nobody's come ill."

"Leave everything to me, Nathan. I'll report to the ranch as soon as I have the information you need."

Jackson nodded his approval, struggling with the lump in his throat that had formed at the thought of Vin Tanner and Chris Larabee. He swallowed hard. "'N Ezra?"

"Yes, Nathan."

"See if you can telegram Eagle Bend. Get word to Chris before they head on back. I don't want Vin walkin' into that cabin 'less he's already. . ." Nathan didn't want to think the words, let alone voice them. ". . . already sick, too."

The three friends exchanged fearful glances, the ramifications of Ezra's revelation becoming more dire at every thought. Breaking his gaze first and stepping away from the small group, Ezra nodded his farewell. In turn, Josiah and Nathan whirled their mounts around and rode out of town at a ground-eating gallop.

Leaving behind in their wake only a cloud of dust and one very concerned friend watching their silhouettes disappear from sight.

+++++++

Buck could feel himself being shaken, but he couldn't seem to find his way back toward any sort of reality. Images of shake shingles, Christmas trees, and J.D. crying swirled inside his head, making him dizzy. J.D. crying. . .

Buck was sure J.D. needed him and he willed himself to break through the dense cloud of confusion to reach the boy. He remembered holding the feverish child close as J.D. had finally settled, but nothing after that. His head felt as though he'd been on a week-long bender and he was damn sure going to give Nathan an earful over that. How the hell was he supposed to look after J.D. if the medicine he took was gonna knock him out? Buck gasped as he opened his eyes to find himself staring into the concerned eyes of the object of his wrath, not the chubby-cheeked little tyke he was expecting.

It took him a moment to realize Nathan was talking so he tried to set aside his own worry and focus on his friend's words. ". . .J.D.?"

Buck shook his head, trying to clear his mind and communicate to Nathan that he wasn't exactly lucid just yet.

"Buck, where is J.D.?"

Josiah's booming voice along with his presence finally sunk in and a shiver ran down Buck's spine. He's right here, Josiah, don't you see him? He's still right beside me, where else would he be? Buck looked down, the empty spot on the bed sending his mind reeling again. How could he have not known when J.D. got up? How dare he sleep when his boy was so sick?

Buck tried to sit up, but a sharp pain ripped through his back and he cried out. He felt Nathan's strong arm behind him, easing him up, but another crash of agony and nausea made his world threaten to go black again. He almost let himself fall back onto the mattress, but the urgent need to locate J.D. fueled his determination and he let his friends help him struggle to his feet.

"He can't be far. J.D. ain't one to run off. He's in the barn or the outhouse or getting some water. . ." Buck's words came in gulps, the debilitating pain and building panic making him breathless.

Buck hobbled toward the doorway, using the wall and Nathan's death grip on his arm for leverage. "We already looked all them places, Buck."

"Well, we'll look again!" Buck cursed himself for his weakened state and his inability to walk right outside and show them that J.D. wasn't lost. Except deep down, he knew something was terribly wrong and that wherever he was, J.D. wasn't all right.

Buck stumbled through the front room, catching himself on the wooden table preventing himself from crashing to the floor.

"Buck, you need to stop before you fall on your face. We'll find J.D., you ain't gonna do nobody no good…" Nathan's voice trailed but Buck knew exactly what he meant. That a cripple would only slow them down, obstruct them from finding his son. Well, he'd be damned if he let some stiff muscles and a little pain keep him from J.D.

"You go on, I ain't planning on hinderin' either one of you, but I sure as hell aim to help." As if his own body conspired against him, Buck's back spasmed again and he gripped a chair in front of him so tight he figured it just might splinter beneath his palms. "Go the hell on, both 'a ya. I don't need no help."

Nathan let out an exasperated sigh and let go of his elbow. "Fine, suit yourself, but don't 'spect we'll be helping you back in this door when you can't walk no more."

"That suits me fine, long as one of us finds J.D." Buck knew Nathan didn't mean a word of his threat, but even if he had, Buck didn't care. J.D. was the only thing that mattered.

Nathan brushed past him and left the door open wide. Josiah followed, pausing only long enough to rest a comforting hand on Buck's shoulder before leaving him to fend for himself. Buck's eyes dropped to the rug right inside the door and he stared. Not at what he saw, but at an imagined form of small boots that weren't there. The reality of J.D. being outside, sick and alone and possibly lost stopped Buck cold. His limbs ached and shook from weakness, but worry and the desperate need to know where his boy was urged him on. Buck took in a deep breath, steeling himself to take another step forward. His own pain could wait until J.D. was safe and back inside and in his arms. Then he would rest.

+++++++

Nathan's exasperation with his worried friend hadn't lasted long. He neither had the time nor the energy to spend being upset over Buck's stubbornness. Besides, he completely understood. Everybody who'd ever seen the former gunslinger with J.D. knew how much he'd been taken by the adorable little boy that he already called his son. Nathan knew Buck's determination would never waver, but his ailing body couldn't hold up long. Still he felt guilty for even trying to stop him.

"Stay close to the cabin, Josiah and me'll scour the woods." Nathan had told him, without bothering to turn around. He'd known Buck had heard every word. "We'll find him before he knows he's lost."

Those words came to haunt him as morning gave way to late afternoon and still he and Josiah trampled through the thick underbrush and trees trying to second-guess a confused five-year-old's logic. Sounds of J.D.'s name being called from all directions should have been enough to send the boy running to them. If he was within hearing range. If he was able to respond at all.

Nathan tried to shake off the foreboding sense of dread that had settled in the pit of his stomach, but it was impossible. The probability of J.D. wandering off during a fevered nightmare haunted his every thought. As smart and tough as J.D. had proven himself to be, the idea of that sick child, scared out of his wits and missing for Lord knows how long, being alone, tore at every fiber of Nathan's heart.

And he knew Buck must be dying.

Only a few more hours of daylight remained and Nathan knew Buck would be far beyond reason if they didn't locate J.D. before then. They needed Chris. Not just to help search, but to be a source of strength for Buck like no one else could. That friendship had withstood a lot of tragedy already and Nathan prayed furiously that this would be only a close call. Nothing more. But. . . if something terrible had happened to J.D., Buck would need Chris.

"Josiah." Nathan managed to keep his voice calm, but his insides were flopping like a fish on dry land as the older man approached. "I don't know if Chris got Ezra's telegram or how close he is to home, but come nightfall neither one of us is gonna be able to handle Buck if somethin's happened to J.D."

"I've been thinking the same thing. Ezra oughta be here shortly, maybe I should go ahead and ride toward Eagle Bend and meet up with Chris. Let him know what's goin' on and pick up Vin to take 'im out to Nettie's.

Nathan suddenly realized J.D. might have attempted to go to Nettie's for help, either for himself, or more likely, for Buck. Maybe he'd tried to wake the man and got frightened when he couldn't. A long shot, but it might make sense to a feverish little boy with a sick papa. "J.D. might've tried goin' out there so check every inch between here and there."

"Will do, Nathan. I'd best be on my way."

The healer swallowed the urge to tell Josiah to hurry. He knew his friend understood the urgency in bringing Chris home. They needed his leadership and strength. And Buck needed his friend.

Part 9

Josiah kept his pace steady, wishing he could shift his mount into a full-out gallop, but without knowing exactly how long he'd have to be riding, he couldn't afford to push the beast too hard. For all he knew he'd be riding the entire way to Eagle Bend before he met up with his quarry.

And now he had the added weight of knowing he'd worried Nettie not only about J.D., and possibly Vin, being ill, but with knowledge that the small boy was wandering around lost and alone. His instincts had wanted to stay and comfort the boys' surrogate grandmother, instead all he could do was leave her behind with nothing to do but sit and wait. To be there should J.D. still happen by, no matter how unlikely that possibility seemed. And more importantly, to be there for Vin when Josiah returned with him.

And he would return with Vin.

Josiah refused to even consider the possibility that Vin had been struck ill, too. Surely there would have been word from Chris. So he prayed yet again that J.D. was safe, if lost, under God's watchful eye. Yet logic and experience told him that sickness was the only possible explanation to account for J.D.'s disappearance.

He turned his gaze heavenward once again and spoke to his maker. "Lead me quickly to their path, oh Lord. And please guide the littlest one home."

+++++++

"Is he gonna be all right?"

Vin's plaintive tone squeezed Chris's heart and he was grateful that his answer would bring a smile to the boy's face once again.

Just as Vin had insisted the night before, they had departed early, just after breakfast and they had been making excellent time home. Until they'd veered off the road for a quick rest-stop. Despite its frequent use by travelers, the path to the watering hole was uneven and when Vin's pony had taken a minor stumble, it immediately started favoring a foreleg.

Chris had suspected it was just a stone bruise or something of the like and now, upon closer inspection, he was pleased to see that he was right. He'd double up with Vin, and lead the pony home. They'd still be home by afternoon, likely providing a welcome surprise for Buck and J.D.

"He's ok, Vin. Just a bruise. Nothin' to worry about," he replied, instilling all the confidence he could muster into his most fatherly of voices. The tactic worked and Vin beamed with relief and joy as he wrapped both arms around his pony's neck in a fairly good imitation of a Buck Wilmington hug.

"Hear that?" The boy spoke soothingly to the little gelding as he ran a skinny arm along its sturdy neck. "Chris says you're gonna be fine."

Chris swallowed reflexively at the certainty in the boy's voice. It still unnerved him at times to know that his word had become nearly gospel in the eyes of the child. That the boy whose whole being initially had radiated mistrust of the words and deeds of adults, had grown to trust him and Buck so implicitly.

"He will be just fine, son, but what say you ride double with me the rest of the way home? Give him a break, all right?"

"All right," Vin shrugged and Chris had to laugh at the obvious disappointment. So much for the days of Vin eagerly clinging to his back. The kid's independent streak was showing itself and, as much as Chris would never admit aloud that he missed those times of paternal closeness when they rode together, he was truly pleased to see that the boy was growing some attitude.

He just hoped that his attitude would be tempered with plenty of good sense as he grew older. J.D., with his wild imagination and bolder personality, was going to be enough of a handful.

Just as his thoughts turned homeward yet again, a voice from home, calling his name, shattered the tranquillity those thoughts usually inspired.

Josiah.

Chris knew that bearing, that size and most definitely that distinctive booming voice anywhere. But it was what Larabee heard within that voice – the urgency and perhaps even dread – that had the hairs on the back of his neck standing up. Something was wrong. Josiah wouldn't be out here looking for him otherwise.

"It's Josiah!" Chris fairly jumped at the shrill sound of Vin's excited voice, forgetting in his apprehension for an instant that Vin was even there with him.

The boy stayed put though, dutifully holding onto his pony's bridle, apparently as eagerly awaiting Josiah's approach as Chris was dreading it. "Vin?" He spoke softly to the boy, trying to will the quiver in his voice away. When he had drawn the boy's attention away from the incoming rider he continued. "Why don't you go water your pony one more time? I expect Josiah's here on business, all right?"

Vin nodded, looking more than a little annoyed that he was being kept from whatever business Chris and Josiah had to attend to. He called out a greeting to the big man and reluctantly led his little gelding back toward the watering hole.

It was the hell of being a kid, Chris knew, but he neither had the time nor the inclination to appease the boy at that moment. As long as Chris and Buck were lawmen, J.D. and Vin were going to be excluded from some of the harsh realities that their fathers had to deal with.

+++++++

"Trouble?"

It was the closest thing to a greeting Josiah was going to get and if Chris's tone sounded grim, it paled in comparison to the expression on the older man's face as he nodded once in the affirmative.

Josiah had reined his horse to a stop in front of the younger man, his intention to stay mounted another clear indication to Larabee of the urgency that drove him.

"Chris, we have to get you home. J.D.'s gone missing."

It took more than a few beats for Sanchez' words to register in Chris's mind. He'd been selfishly hoping that trouble in town would be the reasoning behind his fellow lawman's search for him. If he wanted to be honest with himself, concern for the already injured Buck had been the first thought that had flashed through his mind, but his faith in his best friend's resilience, plus good old fashioned denial, had almost quashed any of those disturbing thoughts. Never in a million nightmares would he have considered that the baby of their family, that J.D., would be at the root of the torment so clearly etched in Josiah's expressive face.

An expression mirrored in his own features as he finally acknowledged his friend's words. "What? What happened?" But before Josiah had the chance to answer, Chris gave voice to another equally upsetting thought. "Where's Buck?" He fairly demanded.

Whether he was damn near crippled or not, Buck Wilmington would die before he'd let anything happen to J.D. To anyone he loved. Larabee was as certain of that fact as he was the day was long. Dear God, had something happened to them both? It wasn't possible. He just couldn't go on another trip and come home to face a living hell. Not again. He couldn't lose his family like that again.

"Chris, you hearin' me? Like I said, Buck's worrying himself straight into a wheelchair and he needs you home. Are you all right, brother?"

No, he wasn't all right. Obviously. He was standing there like a damn fool, not paying attention to Josiah and instead allowing his mind into thinking the worst. Not knowing any of the facts and already wallowing in grief so bad he was ready to head straight for a bottle of Red Eye. Selfish bastard. Buck was alive, thank God, but he had to be hurting inside and out; poor Vin still had to be told that his little cousin was missing, and J.D. . .

And J.D. was going to be found.

+++++++

Sorrow came in waves, crashing Buck into despair like a wooden raft in a stormy sea. He had never felt desperation like this. Not even when his beloved mother died. Not even when he and Chris had found Sarah and Adam murdered. At least in death there was finality. When someone was merely missing, there were too many horrible scenarios the mind could conjure up. Poor J.D. Alone, sick and cold and scared out of his wits while his self-appointed protector fumbled around helplessly. He knew J.D. wasn't dead. He refused to accept even the thought that his little boy was lost to him forever.

Buck could hear the steady rush of the stream as they moved closer and he trembled from more than the cool breeze. J.D. had been warned countless times never to go near the creek without an adult, especially at night. He'd been so confident that J.D. understood the danger and wouldn't disobey him that he didn't see a need to search along the water's edge.

Now they didn't have a choice. J.D. was nowhere close to the cabin and the creek was the only place left where they hadn't turned over every rock and stick yet. Terror clawed at his heart at the thought that the child could have gotten turned around, wandered too close in the darkness and slipped into the cold water. Not that the idea hadn't insisted on invading his mind already, but actually seeing the creek brought forth a nightmare of vivid scenarios that nearly made him retch. No. He wouldn't give in to that kind of thinking. J.D. was too smart to fall into the stream. He was all right, he just needed someone to find him.

"J.D.!" Buck heard the precious name echo across the clearing and sucked in a short breath as the muscles in his back spasmed again.

"You hard-headed fool." Nathan's voice pierced through Buck's thoughts as he pitched forward and caught himself on a lone sapling. "You need to rest before I hafta carry you."

Buck shook off the dizziness and the pain and continued on. They'd been looking for hours now, but he had to keep searching in spite of his body's insistence to shut down. How could he rest with J.D. out here? How could he seek shelter and warmth when the one he loved more than life itself didn't have either?

"I'll rest when we find him. And right now you rootin' around behind me ain't helpin' J.D." Buck knew his words came out too harshly, but he didn't care. He didn't have the strength to apologize or the will to do anything more than find J.D.

Nathan let out a frustrated grunt, but Buck could tell he understood. They'd wasted too much daylight already. It's just that Buck couldn't for the life of him figure out why J.D. had took off. He wouldn't have run away, wouldn't have gone looking for Vin or Chris or tried to go into town alone. Which left only one logical and frightening alternative. That J.D. had been hallucinating and wandered away without realizing what he was doing. Nathan had tried to keep that from him, but Buck had heard him mention it to Josiah earlier and now it haunted his every thought. He should have stayed awake, should have made sure the cabin door was latched more securely, but he never thought J.D. going outside was even a possibility. J.D. was a mischievous kid, but he was also too thoughtful and much too tender-hearted to run off.

"Buck." Nathan whispered.

The quiet tone sent chills along Buck's spine as he followed the healer's gaze. He stood transfixed as his eyes focused on the toe of a small boot poking from underneath a clump of thick brush. His breath caught in his throat and he felt his head swim in panic as he dropped heavily to his knees.

Nathan scrambled toward the undergrowth, throwing aside the web of tangled branches until he reached the tiny body and scooped him into his arms.

"Oh, no. Oh, dear God, no." Buck crawled toward them, the pain in his back incomparable to the one in his aching heart. "Nathan?"

Fear spurred him on and he pulled the precious bundle out of Nathan's grasp and hugged J.D. against his chest. He could feel the child's warm breath on his neck and the steady rhythm of his heart against his. His boy was still alive. Thank you, God, oh, thank you, God! Buck rocked J.D. back and forth in his arms and planted a grateful kiss on the little boy's forehead. "J.D., wake up for me, son. Wake up please."

Nathan hovered close, his broad hand cupping the child's pale face before gently shaking the tiny shoulder. "J.D., do what Buck tells you now. Open your eyes, boy."

Dark eyes struggled apart and J.D. stared back at them, his gaze mirroring confusion and relief. Buck's soaring emotions made him unsure whether to burst into tears or laughter. "That's my boy."

"She said you'd find me." J.D. whispered hoarsely, his eyes drifting shut as he coughed. Buck smiled sadly as J.D. touched his father's cheek, alarmed at the iciness of the boy's fingers.

"We've got to get him inside, Buck." Wilmington looked up into Nathan's concerned face and wondered how long he'd been trying to get his attention. He tried to stand up, but the burning strain in his back refused to let his legs work. It was going to be hell just getting up, much less with a child in his arms.

"I got him, Buck."

Nathan gently lifted J.D. from him, pulling the dirt-covered nightshirt up around the slight shoulders and then stuck out his hand. Buck felt like a complete cripple, but J.D. came first so to hell with pride. He didn't resist and let Nathan help him to his feet. "Go on, hurry, just take care of him."

Buck watched Jackson disappear among the trees, his precious burden tight against his chest. Buck limped slowly, using the thick branches as a crutch to guide him up the slight hill, his hearing finally registering the pounding beat of horse's hooves coming up along the roadway behind him. He would have turned to look, to identify the rider as friend or foe, but his seizing back just wouldn't let him. Instead he simply concentrated on the act of putting one foot in front of the other. A task that was proving more and more daunting as his battered body continued in its quest to shut down.

The ebony blur of an all but rearing gelding suddenly appeared in his periphery, its rider leaping off and wrapping a supporting arm around Buck's shoulders, just as Buck felt his knees and back finally give out.

"Whoa there. Hang on, I gotcha." He knew the voice of course, but his head was spinning so bad at that moment he couldn't for the life of him figure out how it was that his best friend had suddenly appeared when he was so desperately needed.

Later. He'd remember to ask Chris later.

Weak from pain and exhaustion and the lingering remnants of terror and relief of finding J.D. alive, Chris's stalwart presence couldn't have been more welcome.

He had someone to lean on now. Someone who understood not only the agony he'd suffered, but who understood him. Now all he had to concern himself about was his boy.

Part 10

Nathan shoved open the door to the cabin with his foot and quickly made his way into Buck's room. He lay the little boy on the bed, stripping him out of his damp and filthy nightshirt and socks. J.D. let out a hoarse cry as a forceful cough wracked through him. He clutched at his throat as tears squeezed past the corners of his eyes, his face red from the effort.

"Relax, J.D. Settle down, you're all right now." The healer rubbed the child's chest, trying to soothe him until the coughing spell passed. He could feel the deep rattle underneath J.D.'s breastbone and he hoped the unknown hours J.D. had spent in the night air hadn't given him pneumonia – an idea he didn't really want to bring up with Buck. Not until he was sure anyway.

Nathan finished undressing the boy and quickly tucked the pile of soft blankets around his shivering body. J.D. stared up at him, eyes wide with confusion as he tried in vain to voice his fears and only managed another cough.

"Shhhhh, son, it's ok, you're safe."

He carefully pressed around J.D.'s neck, his practiced touch feeling the slight swelling on each side. "Open your mouth for me, all right?" Nathan gently pried open the child's lower jaw carefully. J.D. twisted his head away from him, his mouth clamping down like a steel trap. Nathan had long ago learned the hard way that no matter how sweet and good-natured a child might normally be, all bets were off when they were hurting.

The sound of shuffling feet and indistinguishable, yet distressed, voices announced Chris and Buck's entrance as they made their way into the room. Chris moved a chair to the head of the bed and helped Buck lower himself unsteadily into it. Jackson had witnessed Larabee's arrival, too preoccupied with J.D.'s needs to acknowledge it at the time. He'd been relieved to know though that he now had an extra pair of capable hands to help him look after both of his patients.

J.D. coughed violently again, his small body curling up in a ball as he struggled to catch his breath so he could do it again. Buck flinched in sympathy and undoubtedly from his own pain as he leaned in as close as possible to the sick child. He smoothed the wayward fringe of bangs clinging to J.D.'s face, making gentle circles with his thumb on the little boy's temple.

"What do we do?" Buck asked, his eyes never leaving J.D.

"You, just keep doin' what you're doin'. Chris, I need you to get him some clean night clothes, put a kettle on the stove, and get some more wood for the fire, we don't want this room gettin' too cold."

Chris nodded then paused, his hand dropping to J.D.'s head, long fingers gently raking through the child's silky hair before leaving the room. The motion was brief, but it spoke volumes about the rancher's love for the youngest member of their family. Yeah, Nathan thought, Chris might be a feared gunslinger in town, but here, with either of those boys, he could easily be reduced to a pile of mush.

+++++++

Nathan eased his way out onto the cabin's front porch, closing the door quickly behind him to prevent the evening's chill from entering the tiny abode and drifting its way into the bedroom that housed his two resting patients.

The fire was blazing within and he almost wondered how Buck could bear the room's warmth combined with J.D.'s feverish body curled up next to his.

Then again, he knew.

Buck Wilmington would think nothing of suffering the flames of Hades itself in order to keep his boy safe. Had already done so. Surely any man having to endure the horror of a sick and missing child, together with the searing agony of a sprained back and bruised ribs, could lay claim to time already spent in purgatory.

In the healer's lifetime, he'd born witness to or experienced Hell in all its fiercest forms. Still, nothing compared to a parent's loss of a child.

A truth Chris Larabee knew devastatingly too well. And as Nathan crossed the length of the wooden porch and approached the man, he breathed a prayer of thanks that his friend would not have to face that same grief for a second time.

Though Nathan was sure his friend had heard his exit from the cabin, he hadn't visibly reacted to his arrival, seemingly rivetted to the view just beyond the meadow and out into twilight's remaining horizon.

Nettie's place lay unseen along that path and Jackson understood that Chris was undoubtedly torn.

"He needs you more than Vin does right now, Chris." Nathan spoke softly, but assuredly. The boy was in good hands. Nettie was kin and loved him and J.D. dearly. She'd look after Vin until the entire family could be reunited once again.

"Hmm?" Chris responded, still looking out into the vista before them.

"Vin. You know he's fine with Nettie," Jackson repeated but, as he watched Chris smile sadly and nod his head in agreement and recognized the sparkle of mist in his eyes, he realized that Chris hadn't been envisioning the Welles' ranch. He'd been looking beyond. Into the past.

Chris straightened, seemingly shrugging off a weight he'd recently just borne and turned an intense gaze toward Nathan. "You really think J.D.'s gonna be all right, Nathan?"

Jackson was relieved to hear hopefulness rather than pleading shape his friend's tone. "Sure as I can be, Chris. Can't 'xplain it none. Don't know how a child with fever so high he goes wanderin' off in the night can be gettin' better not worse. Whether bein' out in the cold's what's kept his fever from going too high or J.D. havin' his wits about 'im to go and find some shelter or. . ." With a minor wave of Chris's hand, Nathan stopped his speculating, knowing full well how futile second-guessing fate could be.

The rancher's next words echoed Jackson's thoughts.

"Or why God spares one child while another dies?"

"I'm sorry, Chris." Dark brown eyes lowered momentarily and then raised to meet green eyes that were surprisingly clear. Not quite free of the hurt and pain always lurking in their depths, but remarkably alight – with relief, if not quite joy.

"'S all right, Nathan. I'm all right." Chris smiled, faint, but there. "You were right, Vin's gonna be just fine with Nettie until he can come home. Though, with Buck holding on to J.D. like he'll never let go, I really don't think he needs me anymore than Vin does right now."

Nathan smiled more broadly than Chris, shaking his head as he did so. As soon as Chris spoke the words, the healer was certain his friend had realized his mistake. Nathan knew every bit as well as Chris did that, as long as he was in his papa's arms, J.D. didn't need anyone other than Buck. But then, Nathan hadn't been talking about J.D.

+++++++

Buck could still feel the stinging pull in his back, but he didn't care. Now that J.D. lay tucked securely against his side, the pain no longer mattered. Buck relaxed into the softness of his pillow, turning carefully to bury his face into the little boy's silky hair. The smell of dried leaves and dirt lingered in his nose, but it was sweeter than roses in sunshine or a woman's perfume.

"Best get some sleep now, Buck." It was amazing how Nathan's voice could sound so soothing yet threatening at the same time. Buck summoned the strength to cut his gaze toward his friend and smile.

"Go on now." Nathan said as he spread the coverlet over Buck's lower body and the sleeping child in his grasp. "J.D. ain't goin' nowhere this time. Got plenty of babysitters watching over the both of ya."

Buck knew his friend meant well, but the truth was he knew he'd let J.D. down. He should have been safe alone with him, but the child could have died. Buck couldn't let go of that nagging guilt. He would have never accepted that kind of irresponsibility from anyone else and he sure as hell couldn't accept it from himself.

The hot sting of tears released themselves from his eyes as he ran his fingers through J.D.'s thick locks. He would have died too if the boy had been lost forever. Taken his life by his own hand before he let himself live one day longer than his son. Now he knew. The anger, the mind-numbing pain Chris had felt when he'd realized his family was gone. Hopeless despair like that couldn't be imagined on the outside. And now Buck understood why Chris had to put at least some of the blame on Buck's shoulders. . . or die.

Buck didn't try to quell his tears. Didn't care that Nathan was probably still in the room. His eyes, his heart, focused only on the tiny boy in his hold. J.D. let out a raspy cough and Buck winced as he stretched enough to rub the child's back. Hoping his touch would be enough to ease J.D.'s sickness.

"Ain't your fault."

The words seemed to come from inside his head, but Buck knew. This time it was Chris who needed to comfort him. To try to make sense of something that never would. Buck couldn't answer. He continued to stroke J.D.'s hair, losing himself in the mere closeness of the child's being.

"Things happen. Ain't always fair, ain't always what's supposed to, but ain't much we can do about it."

Buck let his friend's words sink in. He knew he was right. Mostly anyway. Except that didn't make the blame any easier to take. Didn't change the fact that he'd almost lost his son due to his own carelessness. "Something I coulda done about it."

He met Chris's intense stare, challenging him to refute that piece of reasoning. To explain to him why this was just a 'thing that happened' when everyone knew it was Buck's failings.

"Yeah, I guess you coulda sat up all night, watched his every move. You coulda tied a bell around his neck, or better yet, you coulda just reined him to the bedpost. He wouldn't've gone nowhere then."

Buck clenched his teeth, not ready for logic, not wanting exoneration. "I coulda made him go with you. I coulda realized what I want ain't always what's best. I was selfish, Chris. Sure, I wanted him to have a good time, but deep down I was thrilled he wanted to stay home with me. Hell, I didn't want to let him out of my sight. And it almost cost him his life."

"I reckon we coulda forced him to go with us. Let me take a scared, sick and bawling child on a long ride without his hurt papa. Maybe it's my fault for going anyway, Nathan's fault for not babysitting with the both of you, Josiah's fault. . ."

"Damn, it, Chris. Just stop."

"And let you hang on to all that guilt for yourself?"

"Now you're just not making no sense."

"Well, you're right about that. It was an accident, Buck. Nothing more, nothing less. You know as well as I do if you'd had an inkling this coulda happened you'd have stopped it. But you had no reason to expect J.D. would leave in the middle of the night." Chris's voice trailed off, his eyes misting over as he leaned in closer. "Just like neither of us believed spending one more night would make any difference."

The reference to "that" night sent a deep shiver through Buck's aching body. Tragedy could, and usually did, befall people in the blink of an eye. Even if he could keep J.D. within reaching distance of him his whole life, that wouldn't be fair. Neither would it be any guarantee.

"I know." Buck's words caught in his throat, but he knew that Chris understood. That they both did. He just needed a hefty dose of reality sometimes to sink through his thick skull. "You're right."

Chris nodded, a slight smile creasing his lips as he gazed down at the sleeping tyke still wrapped in Buck's arms. "Just hold on to the miracle, not the tragedy."

Chris exited quickly. Buck suspected the man was near his breaking point and didn't want to share his own grief with anyone else. Buck understood. He inhaled deeply, allowing his friend's words to softly settle over him, the truth of their wisdom wrapping him and his child in a cocoon of warmth and security.

Releasing a sigh of contentment, he closed his eyes as he felt fresh tears spring anew. His boy's breaths echoed his own, the murmured "papa" accompanying them proof that God and heaven exist and that J.D. indeed was his miracle, safely held in his arms.

+++++++

Christmas day came and went without snow and without the excited voices of two small boys who had probably never had a decent holiday before. Chris leaned back in his rocking chair, his neglected evening coffee growing cold as he stared at the modest tree and the array of colorful packages underneath it. Though almost forgotten in the uproar and horror of finding out J.D. was missing and ill, his and Vin's newest purchases were now nestled in amongst those lovingly made or bought by Buck, Chris and their fellow regulators. Gifts that should have already been opened to excited squeals and satisfied laughter as J.D. and Vin played until way past bedtime.

Instead he listened to the quiet crackle of the fire and the soft humming as Josiah made a fresh pot of coffee and some chicken broth for J.D. So far the little guy had been improving steadily, eating a little and taking Nathan's medicines without too much contention. His fever had broken sometime during the afternoon, but he remained fussy and clingy, refusing to let Buck out of his sight. Buck had been persuaded to leave the sleeping youngster just long enough to join his friends at the table. Getting up and moving seemed to lighten the man's spirits until J.D. awoke in the growing darkness, screaming pitifully for both Buck and his mama. Nathan said he was reacting to the fever and the trauma of being lost, that he'd eventually get better. Right now though, Buck refused to be parted from the little boy unless one of them was there to take his place. Chris knew Buck's trauma too, shared in it, so he didn't push; just let them be close to each other for as long as they needed.

Josiah moved in quietly and refilled Chris's mug with steaming coffee. "Did you have a nice visit with Vin this mornin'?"

Chris nodded. He'd spent a few hours with Vin after Nathan assured him that it was highly unlikely for him to pass along quinsy. Just as he and Nathan had believed, Vin had been doing perfectly fine in Nettie's care. The woman's steadfast attitude providing the boy with a soothing sense of calm and faith and her industrious mind giving the boy plenty of chores to distract him as the time passed slowly by. Though, when it came time to leave, it wasn't easy for him to explain to the older boy that he couldn't come home yet to see his sick cousin or that the Christmas they'd all planned to spend together would have to be postponed. Like all of them, Chris had hoped to wake up this morning to find J.D. wide-eyed in front of the tree and Buck grinning like one of the kids as he hurried him to fetch Vin so they could all open presents together. That just wasn't to be. Not yet.

"Yeah, but looks like Christmas might have to wait on us this year."

Josiah nodded knowingly. "I'm sure the Lord won't mind."

And in the end, neither did Chris. As long as his family was split up as it was, Christmas could wait. Because the holiday simply wouldn't be the same, or mean near as much, if they all couldn't spend it together.

Taking a sip from the mug in his hold, Larabee swallowed hard at the strength of the brew and at the equally strong memories of Christmases past his thoughts were invoking. A year ago he'd have bet against Ezra that the holiday would forever mean nothing more to him than heartache. A day of celebration for others that, for him, only brought pain and regret. And yet now, even though the date had officially passed, he was letting himself feel that barely remembered sense of excitement and anticipation that only a parent could experience this time of year. Hell, 'letting' it happen wasn't right. Truth be told he couldn't help himself. Eagerly awaiting the moment those two little boys opened their gifts was about the sweetest feeling he'd had in years. Next to finally believing Nathan's words that J.D. was truly going to be all right, that is.

Chris sighed and closed his eyes. Another few hours and he'd be welcoming the peacefulness of sleep, his mind holding onto a steady prayer that the morning would bring them all together again.

+++++++

Buck awoke slowly. The sound of muffled speech drifted into his mind and lured him into the real world. He opened his eyes, blinking heavily to adjust his vision to the sunlight streaking across his face. It had to be at least noon and here he was still sleeping? The voices came from outside the door, but he didn't have the energy to call out to them. And, much to his disgust, he still didn't have the strength to pull himself out of this bed.

He immediately glanced down at the child at his side. J.D. stretched lazily at the slight movement and Buck placed his hand across the child's forehead. Soft warmth enveloped his palm, but the heat of fever was truly gone. Buck smiled as J.D. yawned and squinted up in his father's face.

"Hey, Little Bit. How ya feelin'?"

J.D. seemed to contemplate the question for a few seconds before raising up and touching his neck with chubby fingers. "Okay. 'S still sore."

For the sake of his still aching back, Buck tried to contain the absolute joy in his heart at the sight. It was understandable that the boy wasn't bouncing out of bed, but the clarity in those hazel eyes and the smile on his lips couldn't be denied. Buck couldn't stop himself from reaching out to wrap his son in a tight hug. "Let's see about getting you something for your throat and maybe some breakfast. Ok?"

A slight rustle at the doorway announced Chris before he spoke. "It's 'bout time you two woke up."

This time Chris sounded like his old self. That hint of playfulness in his voice that had resurfaced after J.D. and Vin came into their lives echoed again. Buck released J.D. from his grip and turned to face his friend. "Sorry to keep ya waitin', Chris. Reckon you can fix me and my boy here something special? We're a mite hungry, ain't we J.D.?"

J.D. nodded and slid off the side of the bed. He grabbed Buck's arm and pulled. "C'mon, me and Chris'll help you."

Buck could feel the color drain from his face at the memory of the last time J.D. "helped" him and he looked to Chris to save him.

"C'mon, J.D., let's give Buck a minute to collect himself." Chris winked then tentatively held out his arms, apparently unsure if J.D. would reject the gesture or welcome it.

J.D. raised his arms to the older man and let himself be lifted from the floor and rested his head affectionately on Chris's shoulder. "We'll come help you when you're ready, ok, Buck?"

Buck beamed with pride. The sweet, good-natured little waif that they'd all fallen in love with was back.

"Master Dunne, good to see you up and about." Ezra tried to remain stoic, but the excitement in his voice couldn't be restrained. Leaning against the door-frame of Buck's room, he smiled broadly and reached out to cup the child's plump cheek as Chris approached. Buck wasn't sure, but he thought he caught the brief glimpse of a tear held captive in the corner of Ezra's eye.

J.D. grinned, then a look of complete seriousness crossed his face as he stared at Ezra. "Did I miss Christmas?!"

Buck laughed, then winced as muscles tightened across the width of his back as he focused on the task of standing.

"Not to worry, young man. Christmas was postponed precisely for you." Ezra leaned in close and whispered into J.D.'s ear. Cocking his head toward the outer room harboring the tree and the presents beneath it, his tone became even more hushed. "And your secret has been properly taken care of."

J.D. looked momentarily confused, then apparently understood. "You didn't tell Buck and Chris nuffin' did you?"

Ezra huffed dramatically, ignoring Chris's inquisitively raised eyebrow and pulling back from the boy in feigned shock. Hand held to his heart he implored, "I beg you J.D., did I not swear an oath of allegiance to you and young Master Tanner?"

"Yes?" Was the boy's tentative response. Seemingly worried, perhaps about hurting his uncle's feelings.

"Well then," Ezra continued, shooting a wink at Chris before blinding them all with a toothy smile, "clearly your secret would be safe with me."

J.D. grinned back and giggled, launching himself into Ezra's hold before Buck had a chance to warn him. The gambler's surprised, yet delighted expression, revealed his heart more than a whole wagon load of the man's fancy words ever could.

"Gotta watch out for the giggle." Buck said as he finally made it to his feet. "He'll knock a man flat backwards."

"Duly noted." Ezra cut his eyes toward Buck before shifting his attention to the five-year-old tucked against his side. "Now, I suspect you might be interested in investigating some of those packages before breakfast?"

J.D. nodded eagerly.

"Don't open anything 'til Vin gets here." Buck called out, more for Ezra's benefit than J.D.'s.

"Ok." J.D. grinned and threw his arm around Ezra's shoulder. "Let's go see."

+++++++

"J.D.? Come away from the window, son." Buck knew the minute they let those little feet touch the floor, they'd all be in trouble. The boy's improvement was on a steady incline and though he thanked God and heaven for that mercy each and every minute, he was still just too damn crippled to keep up with the child himself. Just how long does it take to bed down a few horses anyway, he asked himself, flinching as he rocked a little too impatiently for his own good.

Not that J.D. was going to wander off on him again, this time Buck wasn't drugged after all. It was only after J.D. was feeling good enough to flat out refuse to take any of Nathan's medicine again that it became all too evident what had happened last time. Buck realized several days too late never to turn his back on a resourceful child and a mug full of medicine he hated. Now that the crisis was over, and Buck's own feelings of guilt were beginning to subside, he could actually find some humor in the situation. Still, it was a damn hard thing to accept the fact that he was helpless to look after his son's needs right now.

"But Uncle Nathan 'n Josiah. . ."

"Know perfectly well how to find their way back from the barn," Buck interrupted, lips quirking ever so slightly at the dramatic sigh he supposed wasn't meant for his ears. He understood the boy's restlessness, understood incapacitation more than he'd ever wish on his worst enemy. Understood the boy's excitement too. And he knew the boy's concerns extended well beyond the barn where Nathan and Josiah were tending to their stock. Chris and Ezra had been gone less than an hour now. Chris to pick up his son and Ezra not surprisingly – to anyone perhaps but himself – accompanying Chris to escort the 'old crone' he so enjoyed sparring with back to their little cabin.

Despite the woolen clothes and blanket the child wore about his shoulders, the memory of his boy's fever and delirium was too fresh in Buck's mind. He'd be damned if he'd let J.D. get a chill now. Rocking the chair forward he let out a too audible grunt but, before he could steady his legs underneath him to stand, a tiny, pudgy pair of feet suddenly appeared in his restricted view.

"Papa?"

Although J.D. tended to call him Buck more often than not, every now and then he would call out that name – a name meant only for him – and it still took his breath away, swelled his heart to its limits every time he heard it. Buck looked up into imploring hazel eyes shimmering with pooling tears. The boy's lower lip trembled and Buck damn near wilted at the sight. He knew the boy was worried for him. "Aw, Little Bit, I'm ok, no need to fret about me," he soothed, doing his best to hide the strain as he reached out with both arms. "C'mere."

Buck didn't know whether to cry or burst with pride as he watched the child, who'd normally launch himself in response to an invitation to sit on his lap, hesitate. He could just see the wheels turning in J.D.'s mind as he tried to figure out how best to climb up. The boy's dubious "you sure?" was nearly the big man's downfall. God, what was a little pain compared to the joy of having J.D. back. "I said, come 'ere," he growled playfully, rocking forward and scooping a squealing J.D. into his arms all the while using the rocker's blessed momentum to help straighten back up. There. That wasn't so bad.

Buck settled back, his arms wrapping the blanket around the boy as he held him tighter. J.D.'s excitement abated almost immediately and he snuggled in close, obviously still seeking comfort in his father's presence. Keeping at bay the lingering fears that Buck's fall had provoked and whatever demons of the night had tormented him and driven him from his home. Lowering his cheek to the mop of soft black hair beneath his chin, Buck nearly hummed the next words he spoke. "Can I ask you something, Little Bit?"

"Ok," the boy murmured against his chest, sleep obviously beginning to take its hold. Buck hesitated, not wanting to disturb the child's peacefulness. "What, Buck?" J.D. tugged on a handful of his father's shirtsleeve and Wilmington knew then that the inquisitive boy wouldn't permit any evasiveness now.

Tenderly tipping the little chin upward so their eyes could meet, he asked the question his soul yearned to have an answer for. "J.D., do you remember why you ran away the other night?"

J.D.'s eyes startled briefly, then misted and Buck felt like a heel for not leaving well enough alone. Why couldn't he just be happy his boy was on the mend? J.D.'s answer halted any further self-recrimination however. "Wasn't running away," he whispered. "I's followin' mama."

Oh God. Buck swallowed the lump trying to choke off his last breath. J.D. hadn't been running from anything at all.

"She wants me to stay with you now, Buck."

Still taken aback by J.D.'s confession and the absolute conviction in his voice, Buck couldn't stop the questions swirling in his mind. "She told you that?"

J.D. nodded. "I thought she'd come back to take care of us, but she whispered too quiet 'n I couldn't tell. And I tried to follow her, but I gotted lost and it was dark and I was scared."

Instinctively Buck pulled the little body closer to his chest. "It's all right, you're safe now. Just promise me you won't follow anybody off again without tellin' me. Not even your mama, ok?"

"Ok, Buck, but I don't think mama's comin' back."

Buck pulled back to look in the child's serious eyes.

"I don't think she can. Maybe she wanted to say bye and she's real happy 'cause I'm happy bein' with you."

Buck could feel the tears stinging the corners of his eyes as the precious face in front of him grew hazy.

"You think that's why she came, Buck?"

Buck pulled the little boy's head tightly against his chest. "I think that's exactly why, J.D. She wanted to come back to make sure somebody else loved you just as much as she did."

J.D. pulled away to look Buck in the eye. "Do you love me just as much?"

"You bet I do, Little Bit." Buck wanted to add that he couldn't possibly imagine anyone loving J.D. any more than he already did, but there was no way he could or would discount this child's own mother's devotion. Still, he honestly believed that his own feelings for the little tyke were at the very least equal.

"Good, 'cause I love you as much too."

This time Buck didn't try to control the tears. This time they weren't from frustration or guilt or regret. This time his tears came directly from his overflowing heart. That J.D. was here in his arms, safe and secure. That the little boy was indeed happy even despite the fact that his mother no longer held him.

Buck kissed J.D.'s forehead and pulled him closer. He rocked slowly, his arms wrapped protectively around the small boy he loved more than life itself. In no time at all the house would be filled with their adoptive family to open presents and share each other's company. Right now Buck simply cherished the feel of his son's heart beating steadily against his own chest.

Needing to verbalize what he felt in his own heart, Buck looked heavenward and muttered a sincere 'thank you.' He wasn't exactly sure if it was God or J.D.'s ma he was speaking to, but either way, he wanted to give his thanks for the best present he would ever receive in his life.

THE END