What Could Be

Ezra Standish opened his eyes and moaned softly. Where was he? He leaned against a supporting wall and touched the pulsing lump on the back of his head only to realize it was the wall itself pulsing. Blinking Ezra sat up slightly and looked around.

"Good Lord." he whispered peering into the smoke laden room. He stared in a amazement at the moving mass of bodies on the crowded dance floor He rubbed a hand over his eyes and leaned forward into the tiny table as he fought a wave a dizziness. The beat of the music quickened as a new song blared through the small dark building and Ezra merely watched a moment as the tangle of limbs and heads bobbed with renewed frenzy. Where was he? The question settled heavily on his confused mind. Pushing himself out of the small booth he frowned and gently touched the back of his head again. Someone had hit him hard. Steadying himself slightly he moved forward and taking a deep breath plunged into the crowd. He pushed and weaved through the dancers focused only on the glowing exit sign in the distance. It took a few moments but finally his hands were touching the cool glass of the door. Stealing himself for the cold night air he stepped outside and was surprised by mildness of the night.

He stood on the sidewalk trying to process the questions running through his head. He stepped out of the way of a group of young couples and closed his eyes again. Was he undercover? No, the last thing he remembered was leaving his apartment and unlocking his car. That had been this morning.

"Oh hell." he groaned and opened his eyes again. He must have missed the entire day of work. Chris was going to kill him.

A sign across the street caught his eye. "Wait a minute." Panic rose in his chest as he spun around to look at the name of the club he just exited. "The Rio?" he whispered incredulously. He turned and scanned the street again. "What the hell am I doing in Buckhead?"

"Mr. Standish?" he jumped and spun around at the soft voice beside him, automatically reaching for a weapon that wasn't there. He was unarmed. The man beside him looked concerned.

"Are you okay Sir? Ready to go home?"

Ezra looked at the stranger closely realizing he was a chauffeur. Pulling himself together he nodded. "Yes, Please." He hadn't noticed the limo waiting at the curb. His chauffeur held the back door open for him and Ezra crawled into the car without hesitation. He settled into the plush seat an closed his eyes trying to figure out what was happening. He couldn't possible be undercover. He'd never use Standish as a surname. He strained to remember anything after unlocking the Jag that morning but came up blank. Did that even happen today? He ran his slender fingers through his hair as the limo lurched out into traffic. Eyeing the refrigerator Ezra reached forward and opened it. he glanced over the various liquors and settled for a bottle of water. Settling back again with his water he took a sip and watched the vaguely familiar landscapes as the car navigated the streets. To his surprise the limo stopped after only a few minutes.

He took another sip of water and pulled his confusion and emotions together. 'You're an undercover agent Standish' he reminded himself. ' You do this for a living.' With a new mask of indifference he stepped out of the now open car door. He stretched casually and looked up at the illuminated building in front of him. His new resolve melted instantly as he took a step backwards bumping his shoulder against the car. The bottle of water slipped from his fingers and bounced as it hit the curb, splashing water at his pant legs.

"Are you okay sir?" his chauffeur reached to steady him.

"Just lost my footing." Ezra fumbled, his anger at himself growing.

"Would you like me to call Brad?"

"Brad?" Ezra tried to put a face with the unfamiliar name.

"Your assistant Sir."

Mutely Ezra nodded. He wished he knew this man's name. He lowered himself back into the car as the man next to him dialed a number on his cell phone. Ezra looked again at the building before him. 2500 Peachtree, what the hell am I doing here? Not even the most elaborate undercover case would have him living in such an opulent condominium as the ones he knew this building held. He closed his eyes suddenly overwhelmed with exhaustion and prayed his "assistant" would be someone he recognized. Preferably one of his ATF team members.

"Ezra?" he groaned when he didn't recognize the voice.

A man not much younger than himself squatted in front of him. Light brown hair neatly in place, large brown eyes filled with concern he spoke with a soft southern accent not quite as thick as Ezra's.

"Are you okay?"

Ezra shook his head. "I must have bumped my head. I'm having trouble remembering things." When in doubt try honesty for a refreshing change.

"Let's get you inside and call a doctor." Brad nodded to the driver. "Thanks Doug."

'Doug' Ezra though. 'Should I have known that?' He allowed himself to be led inside the building and into an elevator. He leaned against the wall and watched Brad push the seventh floor button. Brad stood back and watched him the entire ride. The moving box settled gently into place and the doors dinged softly as they opened. Ezra let Brad lead him again into "his" apartment.

They entered through a foyer and passed a stairwell. Entering a large open living room Ezra froze. He was in one of the penthouses. Floor to ceiling length windows lined the far wall of the room with a doors leading out onto a covered terrace that stretched the length of the apartment. Slowly Ezra moved toward the door gasping at the view of Buckhead laid out before him. He hadn't remembered how beautiful Atlanta's skyline could be at night. He leaned against the glass not daring to step out onto the terrace.

Brad appeared beside him with a brandy.

"Thank you."

"Do you want me to call the doctor?" the younger man asked quietly.

Ezra shook his head. "No but you can answer my questions. "

"Of course."

"What day is it?"

Brad frowned. "March first."

He hadn't missed any days. "How long have I lived here?"

"Mr. Standish?" Brad moved toward the phone. "I better call the doctor."

"It's two o'clock in the morning Brad. We won't disturb anyone at this hour, just answer my inquiry." Ezra's gaze never left the windows as he sipped his drink.

"Four years."

Ezra looked sharply at the young man. "four years?" his voice rasped.

"Don't you remember any of this?" Brad asked shifting his weight from one foot to the other restlessly. He hated just standing still.

Ezra rubbed the back of his neck tiredly. He needed to sort this out but right now he just felt tired. He should call Chris, but it was even too late in Denver for that.

"where's my room?" He asked turning to Brad.

Brad looked confused a moment but recovered and painted to the balcony above them. "this way. "

As the door closed behind Brad, Ezra let out a long sigh. he gazed around the large room taking in everything from the silk pajamas laid out on the satin covered bed to the gold framed art work on the walls. Kicking his shoes off he quickly undressed. Ignoring the pajamas he slid beneath the crisp covers, closed his eyes and burrowed his head deep into the pillow. He couldn't tell if it was from the blow to his head or the brandy but regardless his racing mind seemed to take his turning off the light as it's que to shut down. He fell asleep immediately.

+ + + + + + +

Chris Larabee was fuming. He'd been fuming for over twenty-four hours now knowing that if he let himself stop being angry then he'd have to face the overwhelming sense of disappointment he knew was right below the rage. Somehow he'd screwed up. He slammed into the team seven ATF office and went directly to his private office. he didn't bother with the door knowing that for all the good it would do to slam it one of his men would open it a few minutes later to check on him. Sighing heavily he sank into his leather chair and stared against the official letter of resignation from Ezra Standish.

Mr. Larabee, I here by submit my official resignation effective immediately. It has been a pleasure working with you and your team. Ezra P. Standish

"A pleasure." Chris muttered as he flopped back in his chair spinning it slightly. They had been a team dammit and a good one at that. More importantly they were family and Ezra had just left without so much as a "see you around". Chris had found the letter on his desk yesterday morning when he'd arrived at work. Ezra hadn't even had the balls to hand it to him in person. He ran a hand over his face and stifled a yawn. He hadn't slept at all last night. To much time spent thinking. He'd given Ezra a second chance a long time ago and over the last three years Ezra had proven himself over and over again. They were family Damn him. Why did Ezra walk out on them now?

"Chris?" Vin's voice brought him back to the office. There was a sadness in his best friend's eyes. "You okay?"

"Pissed as hell." He could never lie well to Vin.

"He must have had his reasons."

"I know that." Chris flashed back to the expressions on his team's faces as he read the letter to them. Shock, surprise, emptiness. "Still pissed. He could have talked to one of us."

"Just would have led to a fight if he was determined to go." Vin moved into the office and sat in a chair across from the desk.

"I though he was doing okay you know? Did we do something?" Chris let the questions push through his anger for a moment.

"I don't know Chris. Maybe he just burnt out."

They could hear the others coming into the office now. Quieter than normal, subdued even. Each man still coping with the fact the southerner was gone. Chris felt his anger return. It was so much easier to be angry. The phone rang shattering his thoughts.

"Larabee." he answered harshly.

Ezra sat at "his" desk in "his " office and frowned. He'd known Chris would be furious. "Mr. Larabee."

Chris' head jerked up with surprise. "Ezra." his voice lowered menacingly.

Ezra cringed as Chris said his name. "Chris I . . ." he fumbled for the words he needed to explain what he himself didn't understand.

"What do you want Standish?"

Ezra blinked. Chris was more than mad. He cleared his throat. "Well, I seem to find myself in a peculiar situation that needs explaining and I'm . . . "

"What the hell do you expect me to do about it?" Chris anger seethed.

"Chris look, I'm sorry I just.."

Chris stared again at the letter as Ezra spoke. "Look Ezra you made your decision. Good bye." He slammed the phone down and looked up at Vin.

"A bit hard on him you think?" Vin asked softly.

"He quit Vin. He walked away. If he was a part of this team at all he could've had the decency to explain. He owed us that much."

"Maybe that's what he was just trying to do."

Chris shook his head "No, he was just rambling about a situation."

Vin's eyes filled with renewed concern. "you think he's in trouble?"

Chris turned toward his office windows. "No, and it's not our problem anymore Vin."

"It's?"

"What?"

"You said 'It's' Chris, and what do you mean he's not our problem? He's still our friend."

Chris closed his eyes. "A friend would have said good-bye." After a moment of silence he turned and picked up a case file. "Come on, we have work to do. Time to move on."

Ezra stared at the receiver in his hand like he suddenly didn't know what it was anymore. "I've made my decision?" he questioned out loud. What was Chris talking about? Slowly he replaced the receiver and ran his fingers through his still damp hair. He stood up and walked to the window. He watched the early afternoon traffic snaking it's way along. He'd slept until noon then explored the penthouse. He was impressed by it's furnishings. He could even picture himself picking most of the things for the place. It had every luxury he'd ever though he'd want from the hot tub to the gallery. He wondered again if the Monet was authentic, it wasn't one he recognized. Brad has shown him the office suspiciously barren of anything Ezra would have considered personal and gotten him a cup of coffee. That's when he'd tried to call Chris.

If he'd been confused before now he felt completely lost. Chris was obviously mad about something other than just being missing from work. What had happened after he unlocked his stupid car? He took a deep breath and sat back down at the antique desk. He would call again and find out why Chris was so mad. If Chris wouldn't talk to him someone would. Someone had to help him sort this situation out. Dialing the number he prepared himself for a fight. If Chris was mad the others would be too. He'd never met men more stubborn than the six he worked with every day.

Chris had just begun to detail the new case the team when the phone rang. Leaning his chair back he reached for and grabbed the phone.

"Larabee." he said as he pulled the phone base to the conference table and set it in front of him.

"It's me again." Ezra said simply.

"What do you want?" Chris snapped drawing the attention of the entire team.

"I need to talk to you and I need you to listen to me." Ezra explained. He didn't have time for fancy vocabulary. If he didn't get to the point Chris would just hang up on him again.

"You need? You don't have the right to ask me to do anything Ezra."

"Put him on speaker" Buck said evenly. He felt they all had a right to confront Ezra.

"Hold on." Chris growled putting the receiver down as he hit the speaker button.

"Chris I need to know what's going on." Ezra tried again.

"How're you doing Ezra?"

Ezra was surprised by the harsh tone of Buck's voice. "Am I on speaker?"

"Problem with that?" Vin asked.

Ezra paused. "No."

"I think you have some explaining to do Brother." Josiah told him.

"Explaining?" Ezra drummed his fingers on the top of his desk. " I don't know what you are talking about. I'm calling because I require assistance. "

"You require our assistance?" Chris yelled.

"Yes I need.."

"You don't need anything from us. You made that clear. " Nathan cut him off.

Ezra was losing his patience. "When?" his voice started filling with anger.

"What do you mean when?" Buck raised his voice.

"When did I make myself so clear?" Ezra snapped back. " I know ya'll are upset about something regarding me but can we clear that up later? I have more pressing concerns that I need your help with right now."

"Ezra we aren't upset, we're pissed! And what could be more important than you resigning without so much as a damn good-bye?" Buck bellowed at the phone.

Ezra began yelling back half way through Buck's comment. "What's more important is the fact that I woke up in a club in Buckhead last night and I don't have a damn clue what's going on."

There was silence for a moment as both sides sorted through the overlapping comments.

"What did you say?" Ezra and Buck asked in unison.

"You're in Atlanta?" Nathan asked incredulously.

"What do you mean I resigned?"

Ezra pinched the bridge of his nose. he was so confused. Calming himself he regained control of his voice and spoke to his team again. "Why are you under the impression that I've resigned?"

"I have your letter of resignation on my desk Ezra." Chris looked at Vin. What was going on? Turning to the others he focused on JD "JD would you get it please?"

JD jumped up nodding and headed out of the room.

"I do not recall submitting any letter to you." Ezra's voice sounded tired and strained.

"You left it on my desk for me to find. "Chris explained.

Ezra could hear JD racing into the conference room and his breathless "here Chris."

"What did I say?" he asked quietly.

Chris read him the short note.

"I don't remember writing that, if I did."

"What do you mean you don't remember?" Nathan asked.

"What I've been trying to tell you between all of your yelling, " Ezra's voice picked up a slight edge again. "is that the last thing I can remember is unlocking the Jag to go to the office yesterday morning. I was running late of course. " He heard Josiah chuckle. "Next thing I know I'm waking up in a club with the headache from Hades compliments of the large lump residing on the back of my head I'm sure. I was outside the club when I realized I was in Atlanta."

"How the hell?" Buck looked at the others.

"That's what I'm trying to convey Mr. Wilmington. I don't know. People are referring to me by my given name so if I'm supposed to be undercover it's severely blown. "

"You aren't on any case. What people?" Chris asked. His anger was slowly redirecting itself away from Ezra and focusing on the problem at hand.

"That would by my chauffeur Doug and my assistant Brad. They're the only ones I've spoken to that I remember anyway."

"Chauffeur?" JD asked curiously.

"Yes there was a limousine waiting for me outside the club. Brought me back to my supposed living quarters where my convenient assistant was waiting with brandy and vague answers. He'd under the delusion I've been living here for four years or so he's trying to convince me of said delusion. "

"What the hell?" Buck said again.

"My sentiments exactly. " Ezra sighed then jumped at the knock on his door. "I've got company."

"Can you put us on speaker?" Chris didn't want to let Ezra go without more answers.

"Yes, try not to reveal yourselves." Ezra hit the button needed . "Enter." he called out.

"Feeling better after your coffee Mr. Standish?" Brad entered confidently.

"Certainly, thank you. "

"You should eat something sir. "

"I'm not particularly hungry right now." Ezra sat back and waited for Brad to explain his presence. He could almost see the frown on Nathan's face at the reference to eating.

"Mr. Barnes is here to see you . Shall I send him in?"

Ezra forced his expression to remain neutral. "David Barnes?" his voice was low.

"Yes sir."

"Send him in."

Chris noted the slight change in Ezra's voice as the other man answered in his own soft accent. "Barnes?" he mouthed to Vin who shrugged. The others looked equally lost.

Ezra glanced down at the phone then stood and waited. He smiled slightly as his old friend David entered the sunny room.

"Afternoon Ezra."

"David. It's been a long time." the larger man looked at Ezra a moment before bursting into laughter. "yeah right. What'd you drink after I left last night anyway?"

'Last night?' Ezra wondered. He hadn't seen David in years. The man had barely changed. A little thicker around the middle maybe with a few added gray hairs but other than that he was the same man Ezra had roomed with in college.

David's dark blue eyes filled with worry. "Brad said you were having memory problems."

"Of a sort." Ezra nodded.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Ezra had to smile at the similarity between David's question and Nathan's.

"Concerning you?"

David nodded moving in to sit down in a leather arm chair.

'Why not try the honesty route again.' Ezra sighed. "1992"

JD 's eyes widened and he quickly covered his mouth to keep from making a sound. He wrote down David's name and the year on his case file thinking it might be useful later if he needed to look something up on the man.

David snorted at Ezra's answer until he realized his friend was serious. He let out a low whistled reminding Ezra suddenly of Buck.

"We've been partners for ten years Ezra. Before that if you want to count school. "

"Partner's in what Dave?"

"You haven't called me Dave since.." His voice wavered as he ran a hand through his black hair. "I need a drink." He moved over to the wet bar and with familiarity poured himself a scotch. "You don't remember anything?" he asked looking at Ezra again.

Ezra shook his head. David always did have a flare for acting.

"We need to get you to a doctor then, and call Maude."

Ezra looked up quickly, his green eyes flashing. "What about my mother?"

David shrugged unfazed. "She'll be concerned of course, not to mention we're suppose to be meeting her for a late lunch in an hour. "

"My mother is in France."

"Ezra." David stepped closer. "Your mother has been stateside a month now. She came back with Frank on business. " He referred to Ezra's latest step-father with familiarity.

Ezra sank slowly into his chair suddenly to weary to stand. He could almost hear the puzzle pieced falling into place.

"Maude." Josiah breathed leaning forward in his chair. He rested his elbows on the table and shook his head. His eyes met Chris' and he recognized that look. That combination of guilt and anger for not placing more faith in Ezra and rage at Maude's interference with his team. Josiah shook his head trying to reassure Chris. "let it go." He mouthed. Chris merely looked down refocusing on the phone.

"You okay Ezra? You need a drink?" David moved for the bar again before Ezra could answer. He poured a brandy and brought it to his friend. Ezra took a sip as he put his thoughts together. He met David's gaze.

"I need to make a phone call. " he explained. "Will you please get ahold of my mother and inform her that I'd like her to come here instead of meeting out. I'm sure Brad can arrange something suitable for us. "

David hesitated only a minute. "Sure, Do you want my to call the doctor as well?"

"That won't be necessary."

"Ezra, you can't remember.."

"It won't be necessary." Ezra's voice hardened surprising everyone listening with it's venom. He watched David close the office door then leaned back and sighed. "He's gone. I'm sure you've reached the same conclusions as I have."

"Pretty much. "Vin answered finding his voice before the others.

"I'll have a talk with my mother then get back to you with my flight information." Ezra played with the leather desk blotter absently. " If someone wouldn't mine, I could use a ride from the airport, or." he hesitated not knowing if Chris was still angry. " I could always take a cab. "

"We'll be there Ezra." Chris reassured.

"Chris?"

"yeah Ez?"

Ezra smiled at the familiar nick name. "About my supposed resignation."

Chris looked up as Buck tore the offending document in half then tore it in half again. "What resignation?" he asked. "See you soon. "

A little less than an hour later Ezra had settled out on the terrace. He smiled with relief as he laid the cordless phone down on the glass table beside him. One first class, one way ticket to Denver was waiting for him at the Delta counter at Hartsfield International. In three hours he would be on his way home. He wondered when he had started thinking of Denver as home. Taking a sip of ice water he stood to enjoy the spring like breeze as he admired the view again.

"Beautiful isn't it Darling?"

Ezra tensed at the sound of his mother's voice. He turned slightly toward her as she joined him.

"Yes mother." he agreed "and yet so very different from Denver." He faced her now, his posture stiff and closed.

"Denver?" She looked confused. "Whatever do you mean dear?" she reached to touch his cheek but he simply stepped back.

"You can drop the facade."

"Ezra are you all right? David mentioned you'd hit your head."

Ezra chuckled softly amazed at this mother's ability to dwell in deception. Growing serious again he stepped closer to her lowering his voice to a harsh whisper. "Did you actually think I could forget Denver? My job? My friends? Did you think I would just step into this life you created for me with no questions asked?"

"Darling what?" she met his anger filled gaze and stopped. She let the shell of denial fall away and turned from him back to the view. "I just wanted to let you see what could be if you let it." She waved an arm back at the penthouse. "This could be yours Ezra and all the amenities that go with it. It's power Darling, it's freedom. It's safe." She looked down at her hands. Her pale eyes shone as she looked at him again. "You could have this every day for the rest of your life. You wouldn't have to do any more of those ridiculously dangerous undercover assignments or have constant struggles with those men who fail to see your true potential. This could all be yours Ezra. All you have to do is say yes."

Ezra shook his head. "This grandeur" he looked around "is impressive but mother it's not what I want." He watched her tense at his words but continued anyway. "You have now literally tried everything to persuade me to return to this lifestyle you find so fulfilling. I, however, have made my choice. I don't want to live a con, mother. I like my life and my job and I'm good at it. I value my friends, and whether you think I should trust them or not what matters is that I trust them. I need them. I'll choose them and my life in Denver over this every time you ask and contrary to what you think, " he touched her arm turning her to face him again. "That doesn't mean I'm rejecting you."

"No?" she let her fear show for a moment.

"No."

"But think of what could be yours.." His look cut her off. "I don't understand you son."

"I know." Ezra flashed her one of his most charming smiles. "the feeling is completely mutual. Shall we see what this Brad you hired has scrounged up for us to eat?" Maude nodded letting Ezra take her arm. She wanted to hug him but knew if she did she might lose control and succumb to the tears she was fighting. She jumped as he tightened his grip suddenly. "And mother, If you ever try anything like this again." He let the threat hang unspoken.

Maude merely smiled serenely. "Of course Dear."

+ + + + + + +

Ezra leaned back in his chair and suppressed a yawn, not wanting to end the evening yet. All six of his co-workers had met him at the gate when his flight arrived and then the group had moved on to what they referred to as the Saloon for a late dinner and drinks.

Chris had pulled him aside earlier and apologized for his anger.

"All's forgiven Mr. Larabee and I'll make a deal with you."

"What's that?" Chris' suspicions rose immediately causing Ezra to laugh.

"If I ever decide that I want to move on you'll be the first one I come to with my explanations."

"You know I won't let you go."

"That's the point Chris." Ezra had flashed his smile then and rejoined the group leaving Chris shaking his head.

"Geez Ez!" JD was still awed by the details Ezra had related to them. "your mother actually paid these people and persuaded them to try to make you think that was your life?"

Ezra nodded as he covered his mouth unable to hid another yawn.

"We need to get you home so you can catch up on sleep." Nathan commented. The former medic had already subjected the protesting agent to a quick physical wanting to make sure the bump on the head was really nothing more than bump.

Ezra rolled his eyes at Nathan's comment but didn't protest. He enjoyed the controlled chaos of the seven of them talking at once as they got ready to leave.

"How much do we owe? " Buck asked leaning over JD's shoulders as they tried to decipher the bill.

"Allow me gentlemen." Ezra pulled a good sized roll of bills from his pocket and placed the appropriate amount on the table along with a hefty tip. He smiled at the looks he received. "Compliments of my mother of course. Seems in my 'other' lifestyle I left unheard of amounts of cash in my office safe in case of emergencies and such." He grinned mischievously.

Laughing the group made their way toward the door. Josiah put an arm over Ezra's shoulders. "So tell me how did your mother come up with this idea anyway?"

Ezra looked at the older man and realized the others were also listening for his answer. "Gentlemen have I even mentioned what an extraordinary woman my mother is?"

The End