It was a bright, sunny day and Ezra Standish squinted against the brightness as he stepped out of the saloon. He hated the way the sunlight seemed to drill into his eyes and give him a headache, he much preferred the nighttime, the soothing, gentle darkness. If only he knew how his opinion would soon change.
"Hey pard, where ya headed?" Vin asked as he clapped Ezra on the back.
"Our young Mr. Dunne has acquired a new weapon and he wanted me to see it, apparently it is of high quality." He began to move across the street, towards the livery, JD was out behind it preparing to try out his new gun.
"Sounds interesting, mind if I tag along?"
"Not at all Mr. Tanner," They reached the front of the livery and began to walk towards the back, trying to avoid the puddles left by the recent rain.
"What kind of gun is it?" Vin was very curious about the weapon.
"According to Mr. Dunne, it is a Winchester rifle." Ezra smiled at Vin's excitement, as a sharpshooter, he had a special appreciation for rifles.
"Really, is it brand new?" Vin was very interested now.
"He said it was, I questioned how he acquired the monetary funds for such a weapon, he said that a man in Eagle Bend was desperate for money, so he sold it to JD very cheap."
"Wow, lucky JD, can't wait to see it." They stepped around the back of the livery to see JD setting up some empty bottles in the distance, ready to use them as target practice.
JD saw Ezra and Vin arrive and waved. "Hi guys, be right there." He couldn't wait to try out his rifle, he would let the others try it too, if they wanted to. He hurried back to them, picking up the rifle, which had been leaning against the wall of the livery. "Here it is, what do you guys think?"
Vin whistled, it looked like a very nice weapon, it did look brand new, he hoped JD would let him try it. "Looks great JD, looks like you had Ezra's luck, in finding that gun."
"Yeah, I am going to try it now, you guys want to try it too?" He smiled and turned to try the gun, bring it up against his shoulder and taking aim through the sight. He pulled the hammer back, then pulled the trigger, one of the bottles shattered. "Damn."
"Wow JD, that thing is accurate, I would love a try." He took the rifle as JD handed it to him, checking the ammunition, it was loaded. He then took his position, bringing the rifle up, bracing it against his shoulder and taking aim, Ezra stood by in silence. Vin fired and again a bottle shattered, Vin whistled, he was very impressed with the rifle, he reluctantly handed it back to JD.
"Want a go Ezra?" JD asked as he turned to Ezra and handed him the rifle.
"Why not Mr. Dunne." He moved into position, bringing the rifle up, just as the others had done, taking aim and cocking the hammer, but unlike the others, when he pulled the trigger, the rifle exploded in his hands, he screamed in pain and dropped the rifle, bringing his burned hands up to his burned face.
"Oh GOD, Ezra don't touch your face, it will only make it worse, JD go get Nathan, I will try to help Ezra get to the clinic." He watched JD run off, he knew this was bad, Ezra's hands and face were burned and he had his eyes closed.
"Vin, the pain is excruciating, please help me, my eyes."
Vin's blood ran cold when Ezra mentioned his eyes, he knew that debris must have gotten in them, he hoped that was all."Take it easy Ezra, I'll help you get to Nathan's, just stay calm."
JD ran into the saloon and up to where Chris, Josiah, and Nathan were sitting. He was out of breath so he had to pause until he could speak, all three men replaced the smiles on their faces, with looks of concern.
"JD, what's wrong?" Chris asked.
"Ezra.....he's been hurt...burned." He gasped out.
"What? How bad? What happened?" Nathan began to stand.
"He and Vin were trying out my new rifle, for some reason when Ezra used it, it exploded in his hands, they are all burned, as well as his face, Vin is trying to get him to the clinic." JD turned to head back out of the saloon and to the clinic.
"That's not good, we better hurry, Vin might need some help with him." Nathan headed for the swinging doors and out into the street, Chris and Josiah right on his heels. They reached the street just in time to see Vin helping Ezra up the stairs to the clinic, they ran across the street and met them on the stairs. "Vin, how bad is it?"
"Nathan, his hands and face are burned, he said something about his eyes, but I don't know what's wrong with them." He got Ezra up to the balcony and Nathan got the door open, they guided Ezra to the bed and laid him down.
"Ezra, I need you to tell me what's wrong with your eyes." He could see that Ezra had them closed and his face was badly burned.
"I don't know Nathan, they hurt really bad, I don't want to open them." He knew there was debris in them, he had felt it, but he was also afraid that he was blind, opening his eyes would only prove that, so he didn't want to do it.
"Chris, could you close all the curtains on the windows, I need it dark in here, if his eyes are injured, the light would only hurt him more." He began to apply balm to Ezra's hands gently, they were very burned and cut. He would tend to these first, then work on his face and eyes, it would take time to get any debris out of them and he just knew that Ezra's eyes were more damaged than that, from the burns on his face, he knew that Ezra's eyes would be burned too, he just hoped they hadn't been burned too severely.
Chris got all the curtains closed, it grew very dark in the room, Vin lit a lamp, so Nathan could see to bandage Ezra's hands, he was worried, he knew what kind of damage a gun exploding like that could do, he hoped Ezra wouldn't be blind. He motioned to Chris, suggesting that they all wait outside, to let Ezra have some privacy.
"We'll be outside Nathan, let us know if you need any help." Chris ushered everyone out, then closed the door, reluctantly, behind him. Then they all sat down on the bench's outside the clinic, except JD, he was pacing, Chris could tell he was blaming himself. "It wasn't your fault JD."
"It was my gun, I should have know that something was wrong with it, I got it too cheaply." He continued to pace, if Ezra was blind, he would never forgive himself.
A moment later Nathan stuck his head out and looked at them all, "Can someone get Inez for me, I need some help and I think a woman's presence would be less stressful for him."
"I'll go" JD said.
"Please ask her to bring some more clean towels with her." He went back inside and closed the door.
"What do you suppose is going on?" Buck asked worriedly.
"He's probably going to try and clean Ezra's eyes out, get all that debris out of them." Vin had seen this before, it was a painful process and he understood why Nathan wanted Inez, if Ezra was blind, he would need a soft, gentle touch to comfort him.
+ + + + + + +
Once Inez arrived, Nathan filled a basin with cool water, but not cold, then used a dropper from one of his medicine bottles, sterilizing it good, to fill with the water. He gently lifted Ezra's eyelid and squeezed the water into it, washing out the debris, there were several pieces of metal that flowed out, Inez used a clean cloth to wipe the water and debris away. He heard Ezra moan and knew it caused him some pain, but it had to be done. Before he let Ezra close the eye again, he examined it as best he could in the dim light, but he couldn't tell much, he was going to have to rely on Ezra to tell him. "Ezra, tell me if you can see, don't lie to me."
"No, Mr. Tanner, I cannot see." He was terrified, if he was blind, his life as he knew it would be over. He felt Inez squeeze his shoulder, trying to comfort him, he wanted to take her hand and hold it tight, but his hands were too burned for that.
Inez's heart broke when Ezra spoke, he couldn't see, she knew how important his eyes were to him, he couldn't gamble, con, or be a peacekeeper without them, she just hoped it wasn't permanent.
"Ok Ezra, take it easy, I'm just going to clean out your other eye, then I will put balm on your face and bandage your eyes." He felt for the Gambler, he couldn't even imagine what it would be like not to see, he knew his work as a healer would be over, if he couldn't see, he knew how it made him feel, so he had an idea how Ezra must feel.
Ezra nodded, he just wanted to sleep, to push what had happened away and pretend it never had. He prayed that when he woke, he would see again, but with bandages on his eyes, he wouldn't, not until Nathan removed them. He felt Inez stroking his hair, trying to soothe and comfort him, he was grateful for her presence. As soon as Nathan had finished and the bandages were in place, he drifted to sleep.
Once Ezra was asleep, Nathan went out to talk to the others, leaving Inez to watch over him, which she was more than willing to do. He saw all of the men stand as he came out the door, he looked at each of their faces, all full of concern. "He's sleeping now, he has pretty bad burns on his hands and face, along with cuts from debris, I got his eyes washed out and they are now bandaged."
"Nathan, is he......blind?" JD asked, his voice full of fear and worry.
"Yes JD, it might only be temporary, I can't say for sure." He saw the shock on all their faces, he understood how they felt, he felt the same way.
"Is there anything we can do Nathan?" Vin asked.
"Just be there for him, try to help him get around, but don't be too obvious about it, you know how stubborn and proud he is." He saw the slight smiles on their faces, Ezra was going to need them more than ever right now.
"You can count on us Nathan, just let us know what we can do." Buck sat back down, then they all sat down.
"Let us know when we can see him." Chris said as he sat down with the others, they weren't going anywhere until they could see Ezra.
"He'll probably sleep for quite a while, his body has been through quite a shock." He turned and went back into the clinic, seeing that they were not going to budge. He closed the door and moved back to the bed, seeing Inez wiping Ezra's face and neck with a cool, damp cloth. "How's he doin Inez?"
"He seems to have a slight fever, probably from all the trauma he's been through, is he going to be all right, Senor Jackson?" She was worried, she owed Senor Standish a great deal, she had a whole new life because of him, and the others, but especially him, she would do whatever she could to help him.
"He will be fine, whether he will see again, I don't know Inez, I just don't know." He hated that he couldn't do more for Ezra, he had little knowledge about the eyes, that was not something he had to deal with much. He decided to do some research and send out a few telegrams to specialists back east and in Frisco.
"I will pray that his sight returns Senor, I fear he would not want to live like this, and I do not want him to go through all this alone."
"He won't go through it alone Inez, we will all be here for him, helping him through the ordeal, we have to have faith that he will see again."
"How long until we know? I mean how long will it take for his eyes to heal?" She dabbed at his face with the wet cloth, seeing the bandages over his eyes broke her heart, he had such beautiful green eyes.
"I don't know Inez, unfortunately I don't know much about the eyes, I am going to have to do some research and send some telegrams." He moved over and checked Ezra's pulse, then his hands, to make sure the bandages were secure.
"Why don't you get some rest Senor, I will stay with him." She could tell Nathan was tired and frustrated.
"You don't mind?"
"No, not at all."
"All right then, come and get me if anything changes." He left the clinic, heading for the saloon, the men were still there and stood when he came out. He ignored them and headed down the stairs, hoping they would follow, they did. "He's still asleep, I intend to relax for a bit and get something to eat, I suggest you boys do the same." He kept walking and they followed.
Several hours passed, Inez was sitting quietly next to the bed, she was doing some needlework, trying to keep busy until Ezra woke, she would not let him wake to think he was alone. It took a moment for the moan to register in her mind, then she realized that it came from Ezra, so she looked over at him and his head was moving from side to side. She wasn't sure if he was awake and in a lot of pain, or having a nightmare. "Senor? Are you all right?"
"Inez?" He turned his head towards her voice, hating that he could not see her, he wanted to reach out to her, but his hands were throbbing, as was his face.
"Yes Senor, I am here, just relax and stay calm." She put her hand on his arm, letting him feel her presence, "Are you in a lot of pain Senor?"
"Yes Inez, my hands are throbbing, can you help me?" He turned his head farther, he so much wanted to see her, he could feel the frustration building inside him, he didn't know how he would live if he was permanently blind.
"I will go and get Senor Nathan, just rest."
"Inez?"
"Yes Senor?"
"Will you please call me Ezra?"
"Certainly, if that is what you would like." She saw not hint of a smile on his handsome face, what she could see of it, her heart broke to see him without his usual sense of humor.
+ + + + + + +
Inez found Nathan in the saloon, along with all the other men that protected the town, Buck had the usual lascivious look on his face as she approached them, the others all looked concerned. "Senor Jackson, Ezra is awake and in a great deal of pain, I told him I would come and get you, so you could give him something for it."
"Thank you Inez, I can take care of him now, if you need to be doin other things." He stood to head to the clinic, Chris also stood.
"Thank you, I do need to get this place ready for tonight's crowd, after that I can come back if you like." She smiled, ready to do anything she could to help her one time employer.
"Thanks Inez, I will let you know if I need your assistance." He turned and left, Chris right behind him. They had decided that Chris would be the only one to visit Ezra right now, too many people could be stressful for him. The two men reached the clinic, they froze in shock at what they saw, Ezra was trying to remove the bandages from his hands, with his teeth. "Ezra, stop that right NOW."
"Ezra, what are you doing?" Chris couldn't believe Ezra would do such a thing.
"My hands hurt so bad Nathan, they feel like they are on fire." He was practically trembling from the pain and he wanted it to stop, for some reason his mind believed that if he got the bandages off, it would.
"I will make some herb tea for you Ezra, but taking the bandages off won't help." He truly believed that if Ezra didn't have the bandages over his eyes, he would see tears, it was a first for Ezra. He fixed the tea and got Ezra to drink it, knowing it would ease his pain, but also make him sleepy again. Once he got the tea in him, he took Ezra's bandages off his hands, to reapply the healing balm. He noticed that the burns seemed to be even more blistered than before, he could only imagine the pain Ezra was in.
Chris was shocked by the look of Ezra's hands, they were so blistered and red, cuts covered them, not deep, but numerous and painful looking. The blisters where what shocked him the most, his own hands seemed to hurt, just looking at them. "Hey there Ezra, I wanted to check on you, let you know we are all thinkin about you and hope you get well quick."
"Thank you Mr. Larabee, I can only hope for the same, this is pure hell." There was no sarcasm in his voice, in fact, it seemed more like defeat.
"You hang in there Ezra, your the most stubborn son of a bitch I have ever met, if you want to get your sight back, you will." It was meant as a compliment, he hoped Ezra took it that way.
"Thank you Chris, I do believe that was a compliment." He was getting very sleepy from Nathan's vial tea.
"It was Ezra, you get some sleep now, I'll check back later." He motioned to Nathan to join him outside when he was done.
Nathan finished Ezra's hands, working as gently as he could, knowing every touch was excruciating to the gambler. He then stepped outside to see what Chris wanted, "Hey Chris, you OK?"
"Yes, I am just worried, I don't think he should be left alone, not after what he tried to do with the bandages, I know he didn't want to make things worse, but he could have, right?"
"Yes, he could and I agree, someone should stay with him, once he starts to heal, if his sight hasn't come back, he will need help anyway, until he can learn to do things for himself."
"That is going to be the toughest thing he's ever had to do."
"Yes it is, now you go and get some rest, all of you, I am going back in and stay with him tonight." He moved to the door and opened it, he could see that Ezra was sound asleep.
"Goodnight Nathan, we'll see you in the morning." Chris moved down the stairs and headed for the hotel, he would not be riding out to his cabin tonight.
As Ezra slept, his mind replayed the events of that day, cringing inwardly every time the gun exploded, he remember the feelings as it burned and cut his face, hands, and eyes, a bright flash was all he remembered seeing, then nothing but blackness. His mind also began to imagine what a life without sight would be like, pure hell and he didn't want it. If he was permanently blind, he would succumb to his mother and just let her treat him like the invalid he would be.
Nathan could tell that Ezra was dreaming and it obviously wasn't pleasant, his head thrashed about and his hands held the bedspread tightly. He just wished he could do something for the gambler, he knew that Ezra must be worried about his sight, if he lost if forever, he feared the Gambler would give up his will to live, letting his life turn into a nightmare that you didn't wake up from.
"No......stop, please.......I don't want to......please?" Ezra was having a new dream, but it wasn't really a dream, it was a memory from his youth, when his mother left him with another relative.
Nathan wanted to end his nightmare, but at the same time, didn't want to wake him, he needed his rest. Ezra's cries of despair, however changed his mind, he couldn't listen to his pain any longer, he began to realize that Ezra had not had a good upbringing and he began to regret the way he had judged the southerner. "Ezra, wake up, it's just a nightmare, come on."
Ezra jerked awake, the pain in his hands and face, renewed with throbbing agony. "Nathan? God I hurt, please help me, please?"
"Shhhh, it's all right Ezra, here is some more tea." It hurt Nathan to hear Ezra pleading for help, the southerner seldom ever expressed any distress or complaints, so he knew the pain must be bad.
"Nathan, I just want it to stop, please?" Ezra could not control his emotions the way he usually did, he hated it, but the pain was all that he could think about. He never ever wanted to be burned again, it hurt more than any gunshot wound.
Nathan gave Ezra more tea, shocked to see him drink it greedily, Ezra hated the stuff and he usually had to force it down him, there was no longer any doubt about how much pain he was in. "Just take it easy Ezra, try to go back to sleep."
"Nathan?"
"Yes Ezra."
"Please make the pain go away." Ezra would be crying, if he could.
"I'm sorry Ezra, I am doing everything I can, just hang in there." He used a cool cloth to dab at Ezra's face, watching as his breathing slowed and sleep overtook him. Nathan hoped the others were willing to take turns with Ezra, if he had to stay with him all the time, he would be completely heartbroken.
Nathan just finished bandaging Ezra's hands again, his grasping at the bedspread during his nightmares, had loosened them, when Inez came by with a tray of food for him, she also had a bowl of broth, hoping she could get Ezra to take it. "How is he Senor?"
"He had some bad nightmares, but he seems to be quiet now." Nathan moved away from the bed and took the tray, grateful for the food.
"When will he wake up?"
"I am awake now Senorita." A soft, southern drawl came from the bed.
"Oh Ezra, good I brought some broth, will you eat it?"
"Yes, but I will require assistance." He turned his face in the direction of their voices, he hated not being able to see and for some reason he was unable to hide his emotions or resist the others assistance.
Nathan and Inez looked at each other worried, Ezra never asked for help, he always had to do things himself, they had also noticed that he made no attempt to hide his emotions or the pain he was in. It was so unlike Ezra that they were concerned about him, especially Nathan, after witnessing Ezra's nightmare, he wanted to ask him what it was about.
"Ezra, I am going to start giving you this broth, so don't move around too much, don't want to spill it." She touched his arm as she sat on the bed, letting him know she was there.
"Thank you Inez." He had a frown on his face, there was nothing about this situation that he liked, especially his inability to control his emotions. He let Inez give him the broth, not saying a word until she was finished, he felt her gently wipe his chin of the drop that had fallen there. "Thank you again."
"Your welcome Ezra, you get some more rest now." She moved back to the table with Nathan, giving him a concerned look. "If you would like Senor, I can stay with Ezra for a while."
"Thanks Inez, I do need to take care of a few things, if Ezra starts to have nightmares again, try to keep him from grasping at the bedspread, it only hurts him and loosens the bandages." He stood and moved to the door, he wanted to tell Chris about his concerns over Ezra.
"I will do as you ask Senor, do not worry." She watched him nod, then leave. She moved back to the bed and pulled the covers up to Ezra's chin, Nathan had put some of the herbs in the broth and Ezra was asleep again. She took his hand gently in hers, the bandages keeping her from feeling his soft hands, she hoped they would not be scarred. "Ezra, I know your asleep, but I hope my voice will prevent your nightmares." She brushed the hair back off his forehead, he was such a handsome man, too bad she wasn't looking for a relationship.
Ezra's nightmare returned, he was in a storm cellar, it was completely dark, but he was not alone. His stepfather was with him and he was in terror, feeling the mans hands on parts of his body that he shouldn't be touching. Ezra was twelve years old and Maude was away on business, his stepfather was a bastard and he hated him, but he didn't have the strength to fight him, the man was strong, being a boxer. Alfred was his name, a name Ezra loathed, he had inflicted many injuries on Ezra, telling Maude that he had fallen or some such thing. This was not the first time that Alfred had *handled* him either, but this was the first time that it had gone farther. Ezra closed his eyes and started pleading with him to stop, as Alfred violated his person, giving himself pleasure at Ezra's expense, making Ezra want to vomit.
Inez tried desperately to soothe Ezra as his nightmare seemed to grow worse, hearing his plea's for whatever was happening to stop, but she couldn't make his nightmare stop and it broke her heart. She had a sickening feeling she knew what was happening in his dream, just from what he was saying and she was disgusted that an adult would do something so horrible to a child. She stroked his hair and held his hands, keeping him from doing any more damage, hoping her touch would soothe him in some way.
Ezra was crying under his bandages, he wasn't sure what had caused these memories to resurface, except for the permanent darkness he was currently in. He remembered everything that happened that day, Alfred's words burned in his mind "Such a handsome boy, can't let such a handsome boy go to waste." He said this as he used Ezra to satisfy his adult needs, something Maude apparently could no long do for him, Ezra grew to hate Maude more, because she left him with this man, but as he got older, he knew she was not aware of what happened, on more than one occasion, so he couldn't hate her, but it was why he shut himself off from people, afraid they would *use* him again.
Inez wasn't sure if her actions brought his nightmare to an end, or if he just fell into a deeper sleep, but she was grateful either way, what she heard from Ezra's lips, tore her heart apart and made her soul ache. It explained a lot about Ezra, why he was such a loner, he couldn't trust people. She sat with him until he was deeply asleep, then she moved to the table, having something to eat and trying to decide if she should tell anyone else about her horrific discovery.
While Inez tried to help Ezra through his nightmare, and made her horrifying discover of Ezra's past, Nathan was having a conversation with the others. He had wanted to at least tell Chris about his concerns, the way Ezra was behaving wasn't at all normal for the southerner. "Chris, Ezra has me worried, he's not acting at all normal, he asks for help, lets his emotions show freely, takes my awful herbs without a word, and he had a terrible nightmare last night."
"What do you think is wrong?" Buck asked
"I'm not sure, I think that his current blindness has caused some horrible memory from his childhood to surface, but what it is, I don't know." Nathan was at a loss and it frustrated him.
"What can we do for him, Brother Nathan?" Josiah was worried, Ezra was like a son to him and he had tried hard to pull Ezra out of his protective shell.
"First we need to find out what happened to him, it must have been horrible for him to have nightmares like that, then the hardest part, getting him to tell us about it, but right now he's in such a state of mind, I think we can get him to talk." Nathan watched the others all nod, all ready to help Ezra any way they can.
"What about his eyes Nathan?" Chris asked, he needed to know if Ezra would ever see again, or if the 7 would now be 6. That thought made his heart ache, which shocked him, he hadn't realized the stubborn gambler meant so much to him.
"Too soon to tell, I sent off telegrams to some experts, hopefully they can tell me more, now I best go check on him, you boys come by later and you can see him."
"Thanks Nathan, keep us informed." Chris watched Nathan leave, he was more worried than ever, he couldn't imagine what could have happened in Ezra's past, he had always assumed the southerner had an easy life, but perhaps that assumption was wrong.
+ + + + + + +
Inez looked up as the door to the clinic opened and Nathan stepped in, "Senor"
"Inez, how is he doing?" Nathan moved to the bed, putting his hand on Ezra's forehead, it was slightly warm.
"He's sleeping deeply, but......" She knew the concern was on her face, but she still didn't know if she should say anything.
"But what? Did he have another nightmare?" Nathan grew even more worried by the look on Inez's face.
"Se, I wasn't sure if I should say anything, but I think he needs to talk about it with someone."
"Talk about what? Come on Inez, tell me what happened." He sat next to her and took her hand.
"Senor, it was just so horrible, I can't believe an adult could do something like that to a child, and repeatedly." She couldn't stop the tears, they began to roll down her cheek.
"Do what Inez?" He had a sickening feeling he knew what, but he wanted her to confirm it.
"I couldn't make out everything, but it would seem that some man in his life, when he was a boy, physically........raped and beat him, repeatedly." She put her hands to her face and cried, she still couldn't believe this handsome man, with a heart of gold, buried under a conman's facade, had been treated like this, it explained so much about him.
"Inez, I had a feeling it was something like that, why don't you go and get some fresh air and rest a bit." He watched her stand, she had been so upset and he couldn't blame her, it sickened him as well.
"Thank you Senor." Inez left, moving quickly down the stairs and across to the saloon, heading for her room in the back, she didn't even notice the 5 men as she flew past them, or their looks of great concern from her actions.
"Chris?" Vin said.
"This isn't good, what the hell is going on with Ezra?" He asked himself out loud.
"Best find out, it must be bad though, to cause Inez to be in such a state." Josiah added.
"You boys stay here, I will go and check, no point in all of us crowding him." Chris headed for the clinic, he would not be at all prepared for what he was about to learn.
Chris opened the door to the clinic to see Nathan replacing the bandages on Ezra's face and eyes, the burned skin looked bad, but he was more concerned with Ezra's mental state at the moment. "Boys"
"Chris, come on in, I am almost finished." Nathan put the remaining bandage around Ezra's head and fastened it.
"I need to talk to both of you, what on earth had Inez so upset?" He eyed Ezra for his reaction.
"Inez? She was upset? I hope it wasn't anything I did or said" Ezra felt so weak, right now he thought that he would not be able to fight the urge to tell these men, his *friends*, yes they were his friends, what his nightmares where about.
"Actually, it is, at least what you said during your nightmares Ezra, I want you to tell me exactly what happened to you as a boy." Nathan replied.
"That is a very personal situation Mr. Jackson, I don't know if I can tell you." Ezra was so afraid and so ashamed, he had let his stepfather do what he wanted, he felt like such a coward.
"Ezra, we care about you and want to help you, talking about it will help." Chris could see Ezra's body tense and knew he was afraid.
"I know Chris, but you know how hard it is for me to express my true feelings." He felt a chill run though him, he didn't think he could tell anyone about his nightmares.
"OK, how about if I tell you what I think it is, then all you have to do is say yes or no?" Nathan asked, hoping that would make it easier for him.
"I will try Nathan." He wanted more than anything for this endless darkness to end.
"OK, just from what Inez and I have heard during your nightmares, I would say that a male adult, assaulted you, when you were a boy, violated you in the most vial way possible?" Nathan practically choked on the words as they left his mouth, of all the things he had endured as a slave, he had never experienced that indignity.
"Yes, that would be correct." He tried to keep his voice from trembling, but failed.
"Damn it." Chris whispered, as he took in the information just given to him, the shock of the revelation was beyond words, he had been so wrong about Ezra and the way he grew up.
"Who was it Ezra? Who did this too you?" Chris asked, hating the person without even knowing who it was.
"It was........one of my Stepfathers.....the 2nd husband that......Maude had......Alfred." The tears came unhindered, but the bandages soaked them up.
"OK Ezra, you just rest now, here is some tea, with herbs in it, just relax, we won't ask any more for now." Nathan gave him the tea and he drank it without a word, settling into the pillows and falling asleep.
Chris and Nathan went outside, wanting to talk without disturbing Ezra, they were both full of shock and anger, they had no idea what Ezra had been through as a boy, but they never thought it was so horrific. "Nathan, what can we do to help him? He's been hiding all this pain and suffering from all of us, I don't think any of us had that bad a childhood."
"No Chris, even as a slave, I didn't suffer that kind of indignity and shame, the worst I got was an occasional beating, never..........rape, especially by another man, that must have been emotional torture for him, it isn't easy to realize that a handsome man, would be prey as a boy, to the advances of a sick individual, being a handsome young boy."
"God Nathan, this whole thing is so hard to believe, I just wish we could take his pain away." Chris sat with his elbows on his knees, rubbing his face in disbelief. "Think we should tell the others?"
"They will find out eventually, might as well come from one of us." Nathan was prepared to do it, he would be able to explain things better.
"OK, I'll do it."
"No, I should do it, I can explain the emotional effects on him better."
"All right Nathan, but I'll be with you."
Nathan checked Ezra one more time, determining that he was sound asleep, then they left to tell the others. As soon as they reached the Saloon, Nathan asked Inez if she could sit with Ezra for a little while, she was very willing to. Now came the hard part, telling the others all of what Ezra went through as a boy.
Nathan and Chris moved to the table that the others were seated at, they could see the worry on every face there and knew what they were about to tell them, would only make matters worse. They both took a seat, Chris waited for Nathan to begin, ready to back him up or help him if he couldn't say what needed to be said.
"Boys, what I'm about to tell you is very private and I trust that none of you will say a word to anyone else, it would hurt Ezra deeply if you did." Nathan began, knowing none of them would ever hurt him
"Geez Nathan, sounds serious." JD commented, his brow creasing farther with concern.
"It is serious JD, it's probably the most painful and horrifying thing, that a person could go through, it's worse than anything I experienced as a slave." He wasn't sure that he could do it, how did he tell them about the abuse Ezra suffered as a boy?
"Nathan, perhaps you best just tell us, no point in beatin around the bush." Vin added.
"OK, when Ezra was a boy, about 12 years old, his stepfather, beat and.........raped him, repeatedly." There, it was out, he felt a weight lift off his shoulders.
All of the men at the table gasped in shock, none of them had thought Ezra could have had that kind of childhood, all of them assumed, as Chris had, that Ezra had an easy life, how very wrong they were. It certainly went a long way in explaining the way Ezra was, so closed off, with strong walls built around him, ones they had just begun to break down.
"Lord, my prayers are with Brother Ezra." Josiah was shocked that this had happened to Ezra, he had heard of these kinds of instances, but he had never thought that Ezra would be a victim of something like that, even though he shouldn't be surprised, Ezra was a very handsome man, so he had to have been a handsome boy.
"What can we do Chris? How can we help him?" Buck asked, not quite sure what to think yet.
"Support him, but don't push him or force him to do anything he doesn't want to do." Nathan spoke up.
"How is he now?" JD asked.
"Sleeping, it was very difficult for him to share this with us and I don't want him experiencing any more stress right now." Nathan wanted to get back to Ezra, but he wanted to make sure he answered everyone's questions.
"If I hear about this, from anyone, I will personally kill whoever uttered the words." Chris glared at the others, his ice blue eyes telling them he was dead serious.
"Don't worry Chris, we won't say a thing." JD said.
"Ok, I want to get back to him, I will keep you posted on his condition." Nathan stood, looking at each man, knowing they would keep Ezra's secret.
"See ya Nathan." Buck said, his usual energy gone, unable to believe what they had just told to him, he would never in a million years, have thought Ezra could have gone through anything like that.
+ + + + + + +
Inez dabbed at Ezra's face with a cool, damp cloth, at least the parts that weren't covered with bandages. She sat thinking about what he had been through, it wasn't fair, he had been a boy and it certainly wasn't his fault that he was so handsome. She still couldn't believe the vial things that some men did and she especially couldn't believe that Ezra had turned out to be such a special man. He tried to hide it, but she had seen the heart of gold, that lay under that cool, expressionless exterior, she knew what a wonderful, caring man he really was. She heard him moan, "Ezra? Are you all right?" At least he hadn't dreamed this time, at least not like he had.
"Inez?" He had gotten good at recognizing voices lately, his lack of vision seemed to improve his hearing.
"Yes, are you in pain?" She touched his face with her fingers, hoping that human contact would help him.
"Yes, the pain is excruciating, please help me." He hated pleading for help like that, but he couldn't help it.
"Let me fix some tea, I can put some herbs in it and help ease your pain." She started to get up to heat some water.
"Inez, please don't leave me." He longed for human contact, a touch that he knew was one of concern and caring, not pain and shame.
"Just let me get the water heating, then I will be back." She couldn't fight the tears as Ezra pleaded with her not to leave him, she had never seen the stubborn gambler, so vulnerable and afraid. She moved to the stove and put water on to heat, then moved back to Ezra, taking his bandaged hand in hers, holding it gently, not wanting to cause him more pain.
"Inez? Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what Ezra?"
"Staying with me, helping me."
"You are a friend Ezra and I care about you, not to mention I owe you everything, if you hadn't hired me for the saloon, I would probably be dead now." She stroked his hair with her other hand, she really didn't have a major attraction to Ezra, she did have an attraction, but it wasn't anything significant. She did love his hair however, it was the thickest, softest, hair she had ever seen.
"I think your being a little over dramatic, don't you, Darlin?"
"No Ezra, I don't." She moved to the stove again, as the water began to boil, she didn't want it getting too hot. She then fixed the tea, adding the herbs as Nathan had instructed, then helped Ezra drink it.
"You are, I hardly think you can assume that you would be dead, anything could have happened, whether I hired you or not." Ezra hated having people be so open with him, because it was so hard to be open with them. He drank the tea as Inez helped him, slowly feeling it's effects, having trouble staying awake.
"Go to sleep Ezra, don't fight it, you need to heal." She meant physically and emotionally.
"Thank you Senorita." Ezra finally drifted off, it seemed that his nightmares had stopped, as soon as he talked about them with the others, he was grateful.
Nathan came back into the clinic while Ezra was sleeping, his eyes settled on Inez, who was holding Ezra's bandaged hand lightly in hers, the other hand was stroking his hair and she was humming softly. It was a sweet sight and he could tell it was calming Ezra, he did not seem to be having any nightmares, for that he was grateful. "Inez?"
Inez jumped a little, not having heard Nathan come in, "Senor Nathan, you startled me."
"I am sorry Inez, I see you have managed to calm him, thank you." He moved towards the bed, wanting to check his patient.
"Your welcome, it was my pleasure, I hated seeing him in such pain." She watched Nathan check Ezra, knowing he would want to change Ezra's bandages soon, that was always painful for Ezra, but she would be there to help.
"I am goin to have to change these bandages soon, can't let them get dirty." He still felt a slight warmth on Ezra's forehead, the fever wasn't gone yet.
"Se, I will be here to help you."
"You really care about Ezra, don't you?"
"Yes, he helped me get a new life, by hiring me in the saloon, for that I will be forever grateful."
"Ezra surprises me sometimes, just when I think he can't get an more selfish, he does something amazing for someone else." Nathan smiled at the memory of Ezra dressing as a woman, just to save Mary from Wicks clutches.
"Senor, Ezra cares about other people more than you think, there is a heart of gold inside him, he's just afraid to let it show, he's been hurt by people that are supposed to love him, too much, I have seen the way Maude treats him, I can't blame him for being afraid to get close to people."
"You know Inez, that's the first time that it's been explained to me that way, I think I might understand a little better now, thank you."
"Your welcome Senor, I just hope that it can bring you all together more, I hope you can show Ezra that he doesn't have to be afraid with all of you, that none of you would ever hurt him." She smiled at Nathan, she hadn't intended to be a bridge between Ezra and the other six men, but if that's what it took to bring them closer, then so be it.
"He will need all of us, if his sight doesn't return, I have not gotten any answers to my telegrams yet, but I should soon, if they don't have anything positive for me, then Ezra may be blind for good." He moved to the shelf and took down clean bandages and more balm.
"I pray every night that God will not be so cruel to him, man has been that way to him all his life, I hope God can be kinder." She began to unwrap the bandages on Ezra's hands, she hoped that doing this while he was under the effects of the herbs, would make it less painful.
"It would seem that he needs something positive to happen, I just hope it does." Nathan began working on the bandages that covered his eyes and face, removing them gently, but it didn't prevent a moan from escaping Ezra's lips. "Hang on Ezra, I'll get done as quick as I can, just try and relax."
"Hurts." Was all he could manage to say.
"I know, I am sorry." Nathan moved more quickly, wanting the ordeal over with.
"Ezra, just lay still and relax, we will be done in a moment." Inez gently applied the balm to his hands, they weren't as badly blistered as before, but they still looked bad.
Ezra actually began to be soothed by the soft touch of Inez's fingers on his hands, her touch was gentle and didn't cause much pain, it actually felt somewhat good, he was asleep again by the time they finished.
"Nathan, please find out as soon as you can, if he will see again, the thought of those beautiful green eyes, never seeing anything again, breaks my heart." She moved to the stove, to pour some tea for herself, not wanting Nathan to see the pain in her eyes.
"I will Inez, I don't like to think about it either." He stood next to her with a cup, letting her pour him some tea too, squeezing her shoulder for reassurance. They moved to the table and sat talking quietly, trying to find something else to think about, while Ezra slept.
Ezra was sleeping soundly now, his bandages replaced, and Inez had gone to get the saloon ready, but was going to be back, letting the bartender take care of things that night. Nathan wanted to read some books and see if he could find out anything about Ezra's vision. Since Ezra was sound to sleep, he felt it was safe to leave long enough to go to the outhouse.
Ezra woke up, he listened carefully and didn't hear anyone in the room, "Mr. Jackson? Inez?" No response, he must be alone. He really needed to relieve himself and without someone there to help him, he would just have to try and get down to the outhouse by himself. It shouldn't be that hard, just ease himself around the room to the door, then out onto the balcony and hold the railing on the stairs, as he went down them. He pushed the covers down with his bandaged hands, then carefully swung his legs over the side of the bed. He was a little afraid, but also determined, he was going to do this himself, he didn't need any help.
He moved carefully until he found the wall, his arms out in front of him. He moved along the wall and around the room until he found the door, the pain in his hand, as he grasped the knob and turned, was bad, but he pushed it aside. He felt the cool air hit him as he carefully stepped out onto the balcony, reaching out for the railing. Unfortunately his foot found the stairs, before his hand found the railing and he began tumbling down the stairs, his head hitting the railing as he fell.
Chris had just come out of the saloon at that moment and his eyes went wide with shock, he couldn't believe what he was seeing, he wanted to know where the hell Nathan was. "EZRA......Oh God." He ran to where Ezra lay in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, feeling for a pulse, which he found, but he also found blood on the back of Ezra's head. He began to gently lift Ezra into his arms, so he could get him back upstairs, he ignored Ezra's moans of pain, he had no choice.
Nathan came around the corner to see Chris carrying an unconscious Ezra in his arms, up the stairs, he was confused. He hurried to catch up, wanting to find out what happened. "Chris, what happened?"
"Nathan, where the HELL were you? Ezra tried to come down the stairs, by himself and fell." He was angry, it was irresponsible of Nathan to leave him alone.
"I'm sorry Chris, he was sound asleep, so I thought it would be safe to run to the outhouse, I had no idea he would try something like this." He began to examine Ezra once Chris laid him down on the bed.
"It's not important now Nathan, but I don't want him left alone again, how is he?" His anger was draining away as the concern for Ezra took over.
"I'll tell ya in a minute, soon as I finish checkin him." Nathan's hands moved over Ezra's still form, gently but firmly. He had a concussion, no doubt about that, he also had a few bruised ribs and a broken wrist. "He's not hurt too bad, concussion, bruised ribs, broken wrist, and probably a lot of bumps and bruises."
"Good, now I don't want him left alone, ever." Chris turned to leave, he would make a schedule if he had to, for people to sit with him.
"Can you ask Inez to come over as soon as she can?" He felt guilty that Ezra had been injured, he would do whatever he could to prevent it from happening again.
"Sure Nathan, anything else?"
"Yeah, have her bring some food and a fresh bucket of water, Ezra's going to need some treatment." He sighed and began to prepare the supplies he would need to tend Ezra's injuries.
"Consider it done" Chris closed the door and headed down the stairs to the saloon. He walked up to the bar, where Inez was standing, "Inez, Nathan needs you to come over to the clinic as soon as you can, he want's you to bring food and a fresh bucket of water, you should know that Nathan left Ezra alone to go to the outhouse and Ezra tried to leave, he fell down the stairs and suffered some injuries."
"Oh no, is it bad?" She was very concerned, Ezra didn't need any more injuries.
"A concussion, bruised ribs, and a broken wrist, plus bumps and bruises all over, nothing serious." Ezra didn't need any of these injuries, especially the concussion, but it was a mute point now.
"I will go right away Senor, I won't let anything else happen to him."
"He's lucky to have a friend like you Inez." He smiled, knowing she didn't love Ezra or anything, but he was obviously special to her. He watched her leave, taking a large bucket with her, he was glad she would be there for Ezra, he needed a gentle, feminine touch right now.
Inez arrived at the clinic, with a tray of food and bucket of water, in time to see Nathan splinting Ezra's left wrist. She could see a bandage on the back of his head and more bandages around his chest, supporting his bruised ribs. "Senor Jackson, I brought food and fresh water, how is he?"
"Not great, but he will be all right, eventually." He turned and took the bucket of water from her, filling a kettle and starting it to heat, he needed to clean and sterilize the open head wound on the back of Ezra's head, it wasn't terribly deep, but it had gotten dirt in it and he didn't want Ezra getting an infection. So far Ezra had yet to stir, which had him worried, the blow to his head must have been hard.
"Senor Nathan, what can I do?" Inez sat next to Ezra, taking his bandaged hand again, trying to provide some comfort to the unlucky gambler. She would stay with him all day and night, if she had to, to prevent anything like this from happening again.
"Just be here, he needs someone to watch him, take care of him, he needs a soft, feminine touch right now." Nathan knew Ezra's nightmares could return, he feared they would, especially now, with the head injury. "His nightmares are liable to return, are you prepared for that?"
"Se, Senor I can handle it, what are you going to do?" She had a feeling she knew, he was determined to find out about Ezra's eyes, about his vision.
"Reading books, about Ezra's vision, also I found out that I got a telegram a little while ago, I want to see what that has to say." He poured some of the hot water into a basin, prepared his hands to clean Ezra's head wound, he knew it would hurt, but there was no choice. "I will need you to hold him still, while I do this."
"Se, I can do that Senor, anything you need." She helped Nathan turn Ezra gently onto his side, so Nathan could get to his head wound. She held his shoulders, trying to prevent any sudden movement by Ezra. She didn't need to worry, Ezra didn't respond to the pain, except a slight moan. This had them both worried, he should have reacted more strongly. "Is he all right Senor?"
"I don't know Inez, all we can do is wait, he should have felt a lot of pain, from cleaning his wound, but he didn't seem to." His brow creased with worry.
"I know, I expected more of a reaction too." She stroked Ezra's hair again, it was habit and she loved the feel of his thick, silky, mane between her fingers.
"I need to go do some reading, please come get me if anything changes, especially if he wakes up." He hoped that would be soon.
"Se, Senor, I will do that." She watched him leave, taking some of the food she had brought, leaving the rest for her. She sat humming again, letting her voice soothe the man before her, hoping it made him feel better. It was about a half hour after Nathan left, when Ezra sat bolt up right and screamed.
"NOOOOOOOOOO, please?" His hands went to his head as the pain surged through it.
Inez jumped up and grabbed Ezra by the shoulders, keeping him from doing any more damage to his body. His scream had sent a chill down her back, but she reacted quickly, grabbing Ezra and gently pushing him back down onto the bed. "Ezra, shhhhh......It's all right, it was just a dream." She stroked his hair and squeezed his shoulder, hoping to reassure him.
"Inez?" His voice was a hoarse whisper.
"Yes Ezra, your all right, it was just a bad dream." She caressed his cheek, letting him know it was all right and that he was safe.
"What happened? Why........is my wrist.....in a splint? And......why do my.......ribs hurt?" He was confused, he couldn't remember how he'd gotten these additional injuries.
"You don't remember Ezra?" Now she was worried, he had hit his head pretty hard, but she didn't think he would forget the incident.
"Remember what? Please Inez, what happened?" He was growing frustrated and feeling tired didn't help the situation any.
"I'm sorry Ezra, you tried to get downstairs by yourself and fell down the stairs." She wanted to get Nathan, he needed to check Ezra while he was awake. "Can you please make me a promise?"
"Anything for you Darlin."
"I need to get Nathan, promise me you won't try to get out of bed." She was afraid to leave him, but what else could she do.
"I promise, I feel too weak to get up any way." He settled into the pillows, trying to go back to sleep.
Inez went out the door, but she couldn't do it, she couldn't leave him alone. So instead she called down to JD, who was walking down the boardwalk, she would get him to fetch Nathan. "Senor Dunne, can you please go and get Nathan, Ezra has wakened."
"Sure Inez, I'll go and get him for you." JD headed for Nathan's room at the boarding house, wanting to help any way he could.
Inez went back into the room, sitting down in the chair next to the bed. Ezra was quiet, so she thought he was asleep, until he spoke.
"That was prompt."
"I couldn't leave you, not after what happened the last time." She put her hand on his arm and felt his bandaged hand cover hers.
"Thank you Inez, I don't deserve to be treated so well." He wanted desperately to see her face, to let her see the gratitude in his eyes, so she would know he was sincere.
"Yes you do Ezra, you deserve the best of everything." She turned as the door to the clinic opened, letting the bright sunlight pour in. Then when the door closed, she saw Nathan moving towards her.
"Inez, how is he?"
"I am awake Mr. Jackson, you can speak to me." Ezra wanted to go to sleep, but was afraid the nightmares would return.
"Sorry Ezra, how ya feelin?" Nathan stepped up on the other side of the bed, feeling Ezra's forehead for a fever, he still had a slight one.
"My head is giving me excruciating pain, as well as my ribs." He turned his head towards Nathan's voice.
"Try to get some more rest Ezra, I am making some progress with your vision, if we leave those bandages on for a few more days, then we can check your eyes, hopefully you will be able to see then." He hoped, from what he read, Ezra's vision could return, but it all depended on how badly burned they were.
"Very well Mr. Jackson, please make Inez get some rest." He could hear how tired she was, it was in her voice.
"I will Ezra, don't worry." He watched Ezra settle into the pillows, a few moments later he was asleep.
"You heard him Inez, go get some sleep, I'll be here for a while, I got a little sleep earlier."
"Se Senor, I will go, but please send someone for me, if you need me." She stood and realized just how tired she felt. As she opened the door to leave, she heard Nathan speak.
"Thank you for all your help Inez."
"Your welcome Senor." She closed the door and went to her room in the saloon, falling asleep almost instantly.
Several more days passed, uneventfully. Ezra remained in bed, recovering from his injuries, dealing with the pain, both physical and emotional. Now it was time for Nathan to remove the bandages and find out if Ezra could see. Both men were nervous, especially Ezra. All of the responses to Nathan's telegrams had basically said the same thing, wait and see, it depended on the severity of the damage. Nathan took a deep breath, then leaned forward and began to undo the bandages, "You ready for this Ezra?"
"Not really Mr. Jackson, but lets get it over with." He was so afraid that he still wouldn't be able to see, the fear ran deep, all the way to his soul. Of all the things that happened to him as a boy, nothing scared him more than this, he just tried not to show it. He felt Nathan's hands on his face, beginning to remove the bandages that covered his eyes, he was so afraid to open them.
"OK Ezra, try opening your eyes, slowly." Ezra's face was still red, from the burns, but the blisters had begun to disappear. He had all the curtains closed and a lamp burned dimly, he had been told that it needed to be dark, but not completely, when he tested Ezra's vision for the first time, any harsh light could make matters worse, if he could see.
Ezra slowly began to open his eyes, his hands gripped the bedspread tightly and he ignored the pain it caused his hands. He felt Nathan's hands trying to make him let go, but he couldn't. As he got his eyes open, everything seemed strange, it was still dark, so he couldn't see, but it seemed like he could see some kind of movement, almost like shadows dancing across his vision. He must have been making a strange face, because Nathan asked.
"What is it Ezra? What do you see?" He knew Ezra's sight wasn't back, but from the look on his face, he got the impression that Ezra could see something.
"It's strange Nathan, almost like shadows moving, everything is still dark, but I seem to see movement." He tried to stare at the movement, but that didn't help any.
"Can you see this?" Nathan slowly moved his hand in front of Ezra's eyes, wanting to know what he could see.
"I see some movement, but I can't make anything out, it's just dark." Ezra was encouraged by this, but hardly optimistic about his recovery.
"All right, I am going to put the bandages back on, we'll try again in a few more days." Nathan felt it was a good sign, but he couldn't be sure, he would have to wait and see how things went, in another few days.
"Nathan? What does it mean?"
"I'm not sure Ezra, it could mean your sight is coming back, or it could mean nothing, we have to wait and see, now you get some rest." Ezra had slept most of the time, between the head injury and the herbs for pain, he was out most of the time.
"Thank you Nathan."
"For what Ezra?"
"For being honest, for not sugar coating the truth." He was still getting used to the idea of people being honest with him and not hiding things from him.
"Your welcome Ezra." Nathan needed to let the others know what had happened, so as soon as Inez came back, he would go to the saloon and fill them in.
+ + + + + + +
An hour later, Nathan stepped through the bat wing doors of the saloon, finding the five other men, that were his friends, at the usual table. He moved over to them, taking a seat between Buck and Josiah, knowing all eyes were on him, but taking his time, he wanted to tell them everything accurately.
"Well Nathan, you gonna sit there? Or tell us how Ezra is?" Buck was eager to know how Ezra was, if he could see or not.
"Well, he still can't see, but there seems to be some improvement."
"What do mean Nathan?" Chris asked.
"Well, according to Ezra, everything was still dark, but he could see movement, like shadows, so that could mean his sight is slowly returning."
"What else could it mean?" Vin asked.
"It could mean nothing, it could be his imagination." He regretted not telling Ezra that part of it, especially after he thanked him for being so honest and not hiding anything from him.
"You mean he could have imagined the movement?" JD said.
"Yes, he wants to see again, so badly that he could have imagined the movement, all we can do is wait a few more days and check again."
"Keep us posted Nathan, I want to know everything that's going on."
"All right Chris, I am going back to the clinic, just be patient boys." Nathan stood and headed back out of the saloon, taking a bottle of whiskey with him, he needed it and thought perhaps Ezra might like some too, instead of his horrible herbs.
After a few more days, Nathan decided it would be all right for Ezra to go to his own room, but he wanted someone with him at all times. Inez had graciously volunteered, not at all concerned with appearances, after all, Ezra was still blind, so what could he do? Not that he would do anything. Inez and Nathan both helped him to his room, his wrist and ribs were still very sore and he was rather unsteady on his feet, especially considering he couldn't see anything. As soon as they had him to his room and down on the bed, he was asleep, the simple act of getting from the clinic, to his room had exhausted him. "He'll probably sleep for a while, make sure he eats something when he wakes up, you know how hard it is to get him to eat when he's sick."
"Se, Senor, I will make sure, he will eat for me." She hoped he would, she knew he wouldn't fight a woman, not on any level, not unless she deserved it. She watched Nathan leave, then settled into a chair, that she put next to Ezra's bed.
Ezra was dreaming again, seeing his nightmares in the darkness that was his vision. He didn't want these dreams, he had thought talking about it with the others, would put an end to them, but it hadn't and he relived the nightmare of what his stepfather did to him, as a boy, over and over again. He began whimpering, as the nightmare began again, the pain and shame he felt, ran soul deep and he wanted to just die. The way his stepfather touched him, invaded him, abused him and Maude was blissfully unaware.
Inez held Ezra's hand as tightly as she could, without causing him pain. She knew he was dreaming, and what he was dreaming about. It broke her heart that he was constantly reliving such a horrific experience, it just wasn't right, how could one human being, do that to another? She couldn't understand it. Sure she had been used and abused in her life, but nothing like that, and she was a woman, someone you would expect that sort of thing to happen to, not a man. Granted Ezra hadn't been a man then, just a lost, scared little boy, afraid to trust anyone and that followed him into his adult life.
Ezra was subconsciously grateful for Inez's presence, her comfort, but as he slept, it did not prevent his dreams, his nightmares. He would give anything to be rid of them, still not quite sure why they had begun to haunt him now. He knew it must have something to do with his blindness, that he was in constant darkness, just as he was when his stepfather took him to the storm shelter, for his abuse, a place that was pitch dark and he couldn't see anything, only feel, and that's what it was like now too. It took time, but he finally fell deeper into sleep, his nightmares fading away as he did.
Inez was worried, she knew if Ezra was blind permanently, his nightmares might be here to stay, unable to rid himself of them as he lived a life in total darkness. She prayed that didn't happen, she wanted to see the spark of life in his beautiful green eyes again, not the flat, lifeless eyes he had right now. She caressed his hair, trying to soothe him as he slowly drifted into a deeper, dreamless sleep. Once he was deeply asleep, she left him only long enough to tell the cook to prepare some food, bringing it up to the room in a few hours, at which point she would wake Ezra, if he wasn't already awake. She wanted tomorrow to get here, it was when Nathan would check Ezra's eyes again, she truly prayed there would be improvement.
Another few days passed, Inez had been helping Ezra get around and had managed to even get him to tell her more about his nightmares, about what had happened to him as a boy. It seemed to help, as his nightmares were less frequent, but now it was time for Nathan to check his eyes again, so Inez helped him over to the clinic, followed by the others, all wanting to know if he would see.
"Sit here on the bed Ezra, so I can remove the bandages." He had the curtains drawn and motioned to Inez to dim the lamp. Once that was done, he began to remove the bandages.
"It's all right Ezra, just relax, it will all work out." Inez could tell Ezra was nervous, he had visibly stiffened when Nathan began to remove the bandages.
"Inez, hold my hand, please?" He needed the comfort and support of her touch more than ever, he would never be able to repay her for her friendship and kindness. He felt her hand take his, gently, his burns were healing nicely and Nathan didn't believe that there would be any scars on his hands or face.
"Certainly Ezra, I just know your going to see, I know it." She put her other hand on his arm, rubbing gently, she could feel how tense he was.
"All right Ezra, I am about to remove the bandages over your eyes, don't start to open them until I tell you."
"All right Nathan, anything you say."
"Ok Ezra, I want you to open your eyes, very slowly, not too fast." He watched as Ezra slowly open his eyes, revealing those remarkable green eyes to him. He watched him blink a few times, then turn his head towards Inez.
"I've missed your beautiful face Inez." He smiled, he could see, things were a little fuzzy, but he could see. He reached up with his other hand and caressed Inez's cheek. "Thank you Darlin."
"Oh Ezra, I am so happy, you can see, but you don't need to thank me." She couldn't prevent the tears of joy, she had never been so happy to see those incredible green eyes of Ezra's, so full of life again. She felt his fingers wiping the tears away and gave him a hug, being careful of his still healing ribs.
"Thank God, I am glad Ezra, but I still want you to take it easy for a while, no poker, you have to use your eyes too much for that, they still need at least a week to be stronger, understood?"
"Yes Mr. Jackson, thank you." He never took his eyes off Inez, he was happy that she was the first thing he saw, his gratitude was boundless, and he would have to find a way to repay her.
"I will go tell the others, you just rest a while." Nathan went out the door, finding five anxious men standing on the balcony. He smiled at them, glad he could tell them some good news. "Well, he can see, he's not one hundred percent yet, but he can see."
"WoooHooo" Buck hollered.
"Thank God." JD replied, a look of relief on his face, he had been blaming himself for the whole thing and couldn't even face Ezra. Buck and Vin had tried to convince him it wasn't his fault, now that Ezra could see, he could apologize face to face.
After a week, things got back to normal, Ezra was back playing poker one handed, as his wrist was still healing, the burns on his hands and face were almost completely healed, his vision clear and strong. His friendship with Inez was stronger than ever and he had let JD know, in no uncertain terms, that it hadn't been the boys fault, the other men were grateful to him for handling JD the way he did, all was right again, even Ezra's nightmares seemed to be gone. Talking out his past with Inez had helped him deal with those demons and rid himself of them.
The End
