Sarah Larabee was allowed just one short hour every year and she had to make
the most of it. She could walk among mortals again, talk to them, touch them
and yet they could never see, hear nor touch her back. Still, that brief
encounter was worth it to her, she longed for it all through the year and
she never questioned how it was possible, she just accepted it.
Maybe it was because Chris's heart was always calling out to her with such
pain on this day that her own heart couldn't help but respond and try to
still the need that was so strong within him. The first year she'd come to
him in dreams and his body had longed for her. He'd held her until the memory
of things forever gone had almost undone them both. She couldn't walk in
his dreams again, it was to painful for him to wake up and know that she
was gone. For Chris waking up meant remembering the burnt out farm, seeing
it just as it was when it hit home that his wife and son were gone forever
and she couldn't make him live through all that again. Better to come quietly
and give him some comfort while he was between dreaming and waking.
Now she waited in the doorway and watched him pour another drink. It pained
her so to see what had become of him. Chris was hurting so badly that she
had declined to bring Adam with her. It would only cause their son pain to
see his father like this. Maybe one day, when Chris had moved past the pain
enough....
She feared for him, feared that his reckless behavior would cut his life
short, but for the first time in years she also had hope. This town was
different, it wasn't just a place for him to drift through and get drunk
in. He could heal here - if he only allowed it to happen.
She could have told him that it wouldn't drown the pain, only dull the edges
a little but he still stared at the bottle as if it held all the answers.
He sighed as he poured another glass. The saloon was empty at this time of
night but they'd allowed him and Buck to stay after closing. His oldest friend
was stretched out over two chairs in the corner and had beaten the odds and
fallen asleep, despite the fact that it must be terribly uncomfortable. No
one else had disturbed them all night, they knew what day it was and stayed
well away.
Sarah walked over to Buck and smiled as she tenderly stroked his forehead.
She had accepted him into her heart and family and he had been a good friend
to them both. When she touched him now she could look straight into his heart
and she was saddened to see the anger and turmoil in there. When Chris had
lost her and Adam, Buck had lost all three of them. Nothing was the same
and he was angry at that fact, yet he hadn't given up hope completely of
restoring the friendship between him and Chris. Even in sleep he thought
about keeping an eye on Chris and she had never felt more grateful for his
loyalty.
"Buck," she whispered into his dream. "Thank you for taking care of him.
Keep him safe for me."
Chris sighed again and drained the glass. He waited and hoped against all
reason for something to happen. Last year he thought he'd remembered something
happening before he passed out, but the next morning he'd realized that it
had only been his intoxicated mind imagining things. Still, he'd do anything
to recapture that feeling.
In the silent hours before dawn you could hear things you normally didn't
hear, floorboards creaking or animals quietly moving around outside. Chris
could feel himself getting drunker and drunker, just never drunk enough to
move into that blissful state where he no longer cared.
Sarah moved to stand behind him and bent down until she could lay her arms
around his shoulders and rest her cheek against his, letting her love envelop
him and give him shelter from the rest of the world for a little while.
He could feel a sudden warmth spreading between his shoulderblades, just
over his heart. It grew until it was like he had a concentrated ray of sunlight
shining there, but the sun was still under the horizon. He hadn't dared hope
for this. Here it was again, just like a year ago. That sweet half-remembered
feeling. How he had longed for it. There wasn't anything like it. Comfort.
Home. It was like love. Pure love.
He raised his head and looked around.
"Sarah?" he said softly and his voice trembled a bit. She realized he could
feel her presence somehow but no matter how much she wanted to she couldn't
make him see and hear her as well.
"I miss you, Sarah. I miss you so much."
"I miss you too," she whispered into his ear and he turned towards her with
a frown on his face like he was trying to hear something that was far away.
"I'm here. I'm always with you. Listen to your heart and you know it's true."
She stroked his hair and he felt the pain seep away until there was no room
for it because he was filled once again with love. Peace settled in his heart
again, peace such as he'd known when his family had been alive and he had
been a whole man.
"Don't go, Sarah. I long for you. I'd do anything to be with you and Adam
again."
"Shsssh!" she soothed his aching heart. "Just live. That's all we want. Just
live. It's time for you to move on."
And he heard her, clear as day, just a whisper in his soul but audible all
the same. If he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes he could feel
her too, a warmth surrounding him, protecting him. But the words she said
wasn't the thing he wanted to hear.
"No," he protested. "No. How can I? I don't have the strength."
"You don't have to do it alone. It's different now. You have people to lean
on. Friends to take comfort in. They'll help you."
"I was never one to trust others easily, Sarah. You know that. You were the
only one to see inside me."
"That's not true. You were always a better man than you thought you were.
That's why I love you so much."
"Then let me come to you," he said and she held him harder, willing him to
turn away the dark thoughts that had been with him for so long. Her love
was like a force of nature and he gave in with a trembling sigh. Today was
not the day. She wanted him to live and he never could resist her.
"I love you," he whispered and her beautiful, shining soul enfolded him -
the warmth of it lulled him into dreamless sleep and brought rest for his
weary heart.
A long time later but still much too soon, Sarah heard the chimes of heaven
sound in her ears and she looked up to see a man dressed in white watch her
with compassion radiating from his whole being.
"Can't I stay one more day, Gabriel?" she asked, just as she always did on
this day, and her guide gave the same gentle answer as always.
"You're not part of this world anymore, Sarah."
"I need to do something first. Can I?"
He searched her heart and nodded when he read in there what she intended
to do.
Sarah waited until shortly before dawn before she went to each and everyone
of the six who stood by him. She watched them all sleep and when they were
deep enough in dreams that their hearts and minds were wide open to her touch
she whispered the words, "Keep him safe. Keep him safe for me."
Vin Tanner suddenly woke up from where he had been dozing. He had been sitting
all night in the shadows across from the saloon and watched for trouble.
Falling asleep in his chair hadn't been in the plans. Shaking his head to
clear it, he reflected wryly that he must either have been more tired than
he'd thought or else he was getting old.
He stood up and stretched his back and decided that he was indeed getting
old. Time to see if all was well with his friends. Vin walked over to the
saloon and looked in on Chris and Buck.
He could see nearly emptied bottles in front of both of them but whereas
Buck was fast asleep, Chris was still sitting up with his head resting on
his crossed arms. It looked like Buck would wake up with a crick in his neck
since his body was positioned in a way that could only be termed mighty
uncomfortable. Vin walked over to him first and tried to wake him but he
was dead to the world and unconsciously waved Vin away like you would an
annoying fly. Getting Buck up to his room would demand at least some cooperation
and Vin gave it up as a lost cause. Instead he grabbed a third chair and
positioned Buck a bit more comfortable and then searched in the back room
of the saloon until he found a spare blanket to spread over the man.
Having taken care of one he turned to the other. Seeing that Chris seemed
to be at least partially awake now he gently said, "Hey, cowboy. Time to
get some sleep."
Chris gave him a look that was both forlorn and resigned in a strange mixture.
He took a final swig out of the almost empty bottle and drew a deep breath.
The last warmth of Sarah's embrace dissipated and left him cold and lonely.
Yet everything was not the same as before. Deep within his heart he felt
a calmness that hadn't been there earlier.
He moved to stand up and Vin had to reach out fast to steady him as he missed
the edge of the table when he tried to put his hand there for leverage.
"I reach out for her and it seems so real," Chris mumbled. "But now she's
left me again."
Vin shook his head. He could guess who Chris was talking about and he hoped
that the memories of their lost love was worth it to his friend. Chris swayed
unsteadily on his feet but even in his drunken state, or maybe because of
it, he still seemed to pick up on what Vin hadn't said.
"But it's all worth it," he declared. "I'd rather feel the pain than forget
them."
Vin slung Chris right arm around his shoulders and struggled with the
uncoordinated man to help him up the stairs. He'd seen Chris drink many times
but he'd never actually seen him drunk before, at least not as drunk as this.
They arrived at the door to Chris's room and he suddenly turned to Vin and
asked with drunken honesty, "You won't leave me, will'ya?"
Vin helped him into the room and over to the bed. He removed the gunbelt
and boots and pushed the man down to lie flat on the bed before answering.
"No, pard," Vin softly reassured him as he pulled the blanket over his friend.
"I'm here and I won't leave."
It was just like snuffing out a candle, that was how fast Chris relaxed into
deep sleep upon hearing this.
Vin pulled up a chair by the window and looked out over the still quiet town.
He swept a spare blanket around his shoulders to get some warmth back after
spending so much time out in the chill night air. Stretching out his legs
he moved around a little before he got comfortable. He wasn't planning on
moving from this spot anytime soon.
His body might be settled but something was still nagging his mind. Before
waking up in the chair outside he had dreamed something, something important.
Vin reached for the memory but it vanished like a shimmering bubble of soap
before he could get a hold of it.
A strange flash of gold and white at the edge of the street caught his eye.
It looked almost like a pair of large, white wings unfolding and getting
caught for a second by the first rays of the sun that just now peeked over
the rooftops.
Vin yawned as he suddenly felt very tired. He usually had a sixth sense for
danger but all it told him now was that everything was right with the world.
Whatever it was it could keep a while longer. For now everything was at peace.
Letting that silent reassurance fill his heart, Vin closed his eyes and promptly
fell asleep.
The End
