They say that what goes around, comes around. Maybe that's true, I don't know 'cause I've seen some mighty good folks have some bad things happen to them for no reason. But sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I wonder 'bout the rest of us and if maybe we do get our rewards.
Now I ain't sayin' that ignorance is any excuse, but sometimes a person gets so busy just tryin' to survive each day that he can't see what's up ahead or what his actions'll bring about. Buck told me it's spooky sometimes when I'm trackin', that he gets the feelin' I can see around corners. I just kinda laughed and shook my head at that one, but I think Bucklin's used to gettin' that. I didn't tell him that it wasn't all that long ago I was blind.
Some years back, a cold Kansas winter was comin' on and I was plumb near ta'broke. The buffalo were just about gone and I couldn't bring myself to shoot the few stragglers I did manage to find. So I rode into the next town hopin' to find some sort of work to get me through the winter without starvin' or freezin' to death. I only had a few dollars left by then so I figured I'd get a drink first, then buy the last hot meal I could afford before tryin' to hunt up somebody'd that hire me on. I should'a gotten that damn meal first.
It was in the saloon that things changed fast for me, all 'cause some feller with a big mouth decided he didn't like the smell'a buffalo. I tried to ignore him, seemed like everyone else was too but it seemed like they was doin' it out of fear. I was doin' it 'cause I was tired and hungry and didn't need the trouble. But he thought different and figured I'd hear him better if he put a new hole in me, raggedy-assed stinkin' buffalo hunter that he said I was, and I saw his hand go for his gun. Next thing I know, he's lyin' on the floor with a hole right between his eyes and before I can high-tail my raggedy ass outta there the sheriff comes in, holdin' a piece of paper and lookin' that dead loud-mouth over real good. Tells me I got a hun'ert dollars comin' and the sooner I get it and leave the happier he'll be. Well, I stood there lookin' at that hole in the dead loud-mouth's head and thinkin' how he wasn't so loud no more and how if I had any food in my gut I'd be makin' a fool of myself right there. I wanted outside bad just then, so I shoved past the doors and kept walkin' down the street for a ways 'til somebody looked at me strange and I realized I still had my gun in my hand. It wasn't the first man I'd killed, but it didn't set right with me how easily I did it. Just like shootin' a buff, just like takin' down another animal. I didn't think I could take money for killin' another human bein' and I almost left town right then without it. But then my stomach forgot about that hole in that man's head and remembered that it'd been days since my last decent meal, and I could feel a cold wind blowin' through the worn places in my coat. And I thought about the Indians and how they were feelin' their hunger and that same cold wind and how I'd been takin' money for killin' them all along but was too damned stupid and blind to know it. It took one hun'ert buffalo hides to make one hun'ert dollars, but just one no-account loud-mouth who'd pulled his gun on me anyways. So I took that money and had my hot meal. And that food stayed down just fine. Didn't have much taste goin' down, but it stayed there and I survived another day.
I left that town like the sheriff told me to, with some money in one pocket and a picture of a man who was worth two hun'ert dollars alive or dead in the other. I don't even know what he was wanted for, didn't care either, all I knew was that the sheriff said this man was last seen headed Abilene-way and that sounded as good a'place as any for me to head. So I went to Abilene. And I got my two hun'ert dollar reward.
That's how I went from buffalo huntin' to bounty huntin'. Some of those bounties I took in alive, some fought so they went in dead. A few swore they was innocent but that wasn't no never mind to me. Well, back then it wasn't, back before Eli Joe. Guess you could say I got my reward on that one, too.
Or maybe you could say what goes around comes around.
Can't say as I'm proud of some of the things I done, but I did what I had to and there's no shame in survivin'. There's some things a body don't care to think back on but it's usually those things that carry the strongest lessons. Maybe I couldn't see what was happenin' with the buffalo, and maybe I couldn't see that not every face on a wanted poster is guilty. Maybe that's why I'm feelin' so crowded by the towns and ranches and feel like we're runnin' out of wild places, and maybe that's why there's a noose waitin' on me in Texas for a crime I didn't commit. What goes around?.
But I wonder.
I'd only been in this town less than a week when they tried to lynch Nathan. Old Virgil'd hired me on at the hardware store, even though I think he could tell I was on the run. He was an old hard-ass, but fair and I didn't mind sweepin' up and stockin' the shelves even if I did feel like I was in a cage. I had a place to put my back up against for a little while, at least as long as I could stay hidden. I'm not sure how long it would've lasted before somebody tried to come and collect on my hide, and I can't say as to whether or not it would've been the last time, either. I was gettin' tired, tired of runnin', tired of myself, just so damned tired. I'd had a close call in the last town I was in, after I'd gotten reckless and got drunk. I got to wonderin' if maybe it wasn't worth it anymore. All that runnin' and sleepin' with one eye open can make a man wonder if maybe five hun'ert dollars wasn't more'n he's worth. But I knew I didn't wanna hang. I ain't afraid of dyin', never was, but I'll be damned if I'll be strung up while a bunch of folks stand around gawkin' like it was a Sunday picnic. So when Mary Travis got knocked down in the street for bein' the only person in town who had the guts to do right, I decided that it was as good a day as any to die with my feet on the ground. Here was another man who they wanted to string up for somethin' he didn't do. Maybe nobody'd stand up for me if I was the one bein' hauled up to that rope, but I knew that if I just stood there and did nothin' the next guy that tried to take me in would probably win. So I turned around, walked back into the store and grabbed a rifle.
When I came back out, that's when I looked up and saw Larabee watchin' me. I'd never seen him before, but I'd seen that look. He was huntin' somethin' all right, but it wasn't me. So I nodded back, and I remember thinkin' that if I made it out of this alive maybe I'd find ol' Eli and the two of us would have a little get-ta'know-ya talk, Kiowa style.
Turns out all three of us made it out alive, Nathan, Larabee, and me. Turns out I never got back to Tascosa to set things straight yet, but that's all right, for now. 'Cause I still got a place to put my back up against, and there's a judge, an honest, good man, who's willin' to look the other way and trust me to help keep the law in this town. And there's six men and a woman who've stood up for me and have watched my back.
I wonder if that's somethin' comin' around, gettin' set to go back around again. If I could see around corners, maybe I could tell.
The End
