Observations: The Lesson
Ten lessons. So far I've come to this office ten times over the past ten days. I'm surprised people ain't talking about us. I looked up and watched Mary as she moved to gather some books for me so we could start. Ten lessons and now this. When did I fall in love with her so much? Have I always been in love? Is this fair to either of us? Is this fair to Chris? I can still remember seeing her in my mind so clearly walking out into the streets to keep Nathan from being lynched. Was it so long ago that that had happened? It seemed like a lifetime ago.
I turned my attention back to Mary as she sat the book in front of me. She opened it to a page. Some of the words where familiar. Mary said I was getting better with each day, but things where still hard. I've taken to reading JD's dime novels for extra help, though when I get through them I don't understand what the intrigue is for them, and why JD loves them so much. They where actually kinda dumb, more for a child that didn't know better. Was that what I was now in this new world? A child who didn't know better? I shook myself mentally and tried to concentrate on my lesson rather then the memories, and uncertainties running through my mind. I also tried to concentrate on something other than the emotions that where running through my body and heart at Mary's proximity.
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I was so proud of him. Vin was doing an incredible job with his lessons. His intelligence allowed him to learn things quickly. But things where changing. His lessons would end soon, and then he would no longer be around to see me. It was painful to me. I hated that feeling. When did it turn? I can clearly remember trying to win him over with my smile while persuading him to enter my poetry contest. I can remember it so well. Once we had agreed upon the lessons, I remember how I could smell the pure masculinity of him as he stood behind me as I read his poem back to him before I printed it.
When did things change? When had the too quiet tracker that was so easy going invade my thoughts and heart more often than a certain tall black-clad gunslinger? Why didn't it send me reeling more knowing I could love that man more? Love? Am I in love?
I suppose I am. Intrigued I have always been about him that's for sure. From the moment I set eyes on him as he began to work at the general store when he arrived. It was so easy for me to see his bright blue eyes. Our first meeting was incredible to me. I had been getting my supplies for the paper and we literally ran into one another. He grabbed my waist before I fell though my supplies fell. I could have gotten lost in his eyes if he hadn't said something that made me snap back to reality. Since then he has become one of my closest friends, but when had those feelings changed? Or had they always been that way but I hid them. If that was the case then my closest friend I have found in Ezra would be proud of the façade I have undertaken. I pushed my thoughts away and turned back to the lesson at hand.
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I can smell the shampoo she uses for her hair. This isn't working! I have to endure this for a few more months?! How can I do this? What am I doing? She is so close to me! What can I give her? What would she do if I started to court her? Maybe I should take that chance after my lessons are done. I have to concentrate! I looked down at my lesson and traced her beautiful handwriting with my own scraggly lines. I was learning.
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I smile easily when I see him tracing my handwriting. He is getting better, which means it's over soon. Why can't he see me as the woman that I am, and not as a sister like the others did? Even Chris looks at me that way I've noticed. But that doesn't matter to me. I want this man to look at me differently. That thoguht struck me hard. Where had that come from?! I am going to have to watch myself around him now so I don't embarrass myself.
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After my lesson was done I tipped my hat to Mary and made my way to my wagon. I sighed. Was this any life to live? I turned to gaze at the building where Mary lived. Could I have a life with her eventually? I began making plans to find out.
The End
Next Story: The Dance