Going On
Warning: Content may be disturbing to some readers.
Chris Larabee sat in the barren graveyard, tipping the bottle to his mouth yet again. He'd lost count of the number of bottles he'd gone through, sitting here. He wasn't even sure if it was still the same day. The day his life had turned once again into hell. Idly he wondered how long it would take to drink himself into one of the graves before him. Was it even worth it? Yes, he thought, anything to blot out the pain of losing...
"You gonna sit here all night, Chris?" Buck asked as he sat down beside his best friend.
"If ya are, better share that bottle," Vin said as he took his place on the other side of Chris. A man he'd known only a short time but had grown to respect and admire. They had become close friends very quickly, although it was unusual for either to want to make friends at all.
Chris looked ready to pass out for a moment, then his red eyes gained some focus and he slowly handed the bottle to Vin.
"Thanks, Pard," was all Vin said.
Silence reigned for a few moments among the three men. Finally Chris broke it. "What are you doing here?" he asked hoarsely.
"Trying to see that you don't drink yourself into one of them." Buck nodded his head in the direction of the graves.
"Why would you want to bother?" Chris asked, a look of pain and guilt crossing his face.
"Wasn't your fault Chris, you can't blame yourself," Buck told him in a serious tone. "Just like Sarah and Adam wasn't your fault. You have to accept this and go on."
"I went on once and look where it got me!" Chris yelled at the two men. I made friends and now they're just as dead as my wife and son!"
"Death is a part of life," Vin said in his calm, matter of fact voice. "It's hard, I know, but there was nothing you could have done to change what happened."
"Others might not see it that way," he said bitterly.
"You've got friends left Chris, and they don't blame you. Yes, two people you cared about are dead, but you ain't lettin any of the living ones back in," Buck told him. "Everytime someone tries to even approach you, to say, 'Hey, we're grieving, too and want to help', you blast them. Pretty soon they're gonna stop trying and you will lose everyone you care about."
"Is that what you're doing here? Trying to save my friendships?"
"Mary, Ezra, JD ... they've all stopped trying already. Figured it was time to haul out the big guns with you," Vin told him with a slight grin.
"And you're a lot drunker now," Buck added.
"Is that why I'm still talking to you?" Chris asked wryly.
"As good as reason as any, Pard," Vin replied.
"He might be talking to us, Vin, but I don't think he's listening."
"To what Buck?" Chris stood up and yelled. "That I got friends left? Great, I'll get to watch them die too then won't I?"
"You've got people left that are counting on you!" Buck grabbed his friend by the shoulders so he faced him. "Keepin' JD from going after those killers by himself, that's important! Keepin' Ezra from jumpin' ship, that's important too! Dammit Chris! Open your eyes! Billy still looks up to you, Mary still needs you, hell this whole damn town still needs you. Drinking yourself into oblivion is the cowards way out and you know it."
"The Chris Larabee I called friend was never a coward," Vin told him. "He knew his duty, didn't shirk his obligations like you seem to be, just cause you're feeling sorry for yourself. Everyone loses people, it's unavoidable. The difference is, most don't throw their own lives away because of it, they go on."
"That's why we're here Chris," Buck said quietly. "We want to see you go on."
"We know you can, you just haven't realized it yet," Vin said.
"What happens if Ezra, JD, Josiah and Nathan go off without you to find the killers and don't come back? Could you live with that?" Buck asked.
"Don't you at least owe it to yourself to try and bring our killers to justice?" Vin asked.
"We wouldn't mind if you sent them to hell for us either," Buck told him in his joking way. The way Chris always remembered him.
"Do you want Billy's hero to be a drunk?" Vin asked.
He always had a way of getting right to the point, Chris thought. One of the things he'd always like about his friend. Perhaps both men were right. He was wallowing in self pity and letting the real world go to hell. The people who depended on him deserved better than this. Slowly he raised his head to look at his two best friends.
Buck, from the time he'd known him had always been there for Chris. Even in his darkest hour, when no one wanted to be around him, Buck had stayed by his side.
Vin, he'd known only a short time, but he trusted the man instinctively with his life, and that trust had been repaid in more ways than one.
Both men would forever be his true friends. Both would forever be missed. Chris blinked away a tear. "You two plannin on hauntin me often?"
"Only when ya need it, Pard." Vin grinned, realizing the gunfighter was no longer giving up his on life because of his and Buck's deaths.
"I knew you could pull yourself outta this, Chris." Buck shook his friend's hand and then stepped back. Chris realized they would soon be leaving him, again.
"Watch over Adam and Sarah for me, will ya?" Chris asked sadly.
"Already working on it," Buck said with a sad smile of his own.
"I'm gonna miss you two guys, a hell of a lot," Chris told them, his eyes starting to burn.
"I know," Vin told him, briefly putting his hand on the older man's shoulder. "But we're ok, you tell them that." Chris nodded. "And ya know what Cowboy?"
"What?" Chris smiled slightly at the name.
"You're gonna go on and be ok too," Vin said and then turned away.
Buck smiled and nodded his head at him. "You will Chris, you will." He then turned away also.
With their parting words still echoing in his ears, Chris watched his best friends walk into their own graves and disappear. He blinked a few times to clear the moisture from his eyes. Absently he nudged an empty whiskey bottle with the toe of his boot and then turned towards the gates of the cemetery. Looking towards town he could see Ezra, Josiah, Nathan and JD readying their mounts to go after Buck and Vin's Killers. Mary and Billy were talking to them as they saddled the horses. Chris took one last look at the headstones, which marked the lives of such honorable men.
"Yeah, I will be ok, thanks to both of you." Then Chris Larabee headed towards his living friends, to keep going on.
The End