A Day in the Snow

by Lanette Curington

I look up into the most incredibly blue eyes I have ever seen, eyes that watch me with a tenderness I have never known, eyes that belong to a man I will cherish as long as I live. He lays a blanket around me as tiny snowflakes drift lazily through the air. He tucks the ends in securely, but he doesn't fuss over me. I could not bear it if he treated me differently because he knows most of my secrets. He killed someone to save me, but the killing should have been mine. I feel no satisfaction that the sin is his. I wish I could take it from him, but the deed is done.
We are on our way to Four Corners and we have many miles ahead of us. He came a great distance to find me and kept searching long after the trail had grown cold. I owe him my life and my sanity, but it is not why I go back with him. I go because I want to be with him for whatever time I can have. I know this cannot last. My past and what he had to do for me will come between us eventually. If only I could have kept my life from him. If only he had let that one night in the rain be enough. But we cannot change our destiny no matter how hard we try.
Yesterday, he noticed the clouds and sensed the coming snow. He felt it best if we take the time to build a shelter and wait out the storm instead of trying to make it to the next town. We still have enough supplies to last us several days and he is handy with a gun.
It is Christmas day and the shelter we built out of branches against an outcropping of rock is frosted with snow. It looks like an enchanted dwelling where magic might happen. Because of him I can believe in magic again.
"You're shivering. Come inside," he says. It is not a command, just his way. This man is short on words but long on meaning as he makes his point.
I shake my head. "Not yet."
He smiles and I turn so that my back is against him. He wraps his arms around me and I feel his kiss atop my head. He understands.
I do not know what he thought that spring morning when he discovered I had left without saying good-bye. Or when he learned I had lied to him. What we shared that night caught in the tangles of his own scarred soul and in the end he came after me. In finding me, he found my troubles. He would not leave me even when I fell to my knees and begged him to go. His lips curved into a sweet knowing smile as he lifted me into his arms. "You are my heart," he whispered and held me as I wept.
I cover his hands with mine and nestle closer to him. "Merry Christmas," I murmur as the snowfall thickens around us.
"Marry me," he says quietly.
It takes me a moment to hear the words and comprehend their meaning and hate myself for what I will say. I pull away from him and know I must face him. I look into his tender eyes and my heart breaks.
"You know why I can't."
"I know why you will," he says and sweeps me off my feet and into his arms before I can think to protest. He carries me into the shelter and sets me down on the bedroll. He brushes the melting snow from my hair and brow. His long, slender fingers frame my face. His blue eyes sparkle in the firelight and I see no hint of the disgust and hatred he is sure to feel some day, the day he hears the rest of my story. He only thinks he knows the worst, and he is aware there is more. But he has no idea what else I have done.
He takes the blanket off my shoulders and spreads it over us. Beneath the blanket we come together, the first time since that night in the rain. And afterwards, he holds me close and whispers once more into my ear, "Marry me..."
My eyes burn with unshed tears. "You know that I can't ever--"
"I know. Doesn't matter."
I shake my head. It will matter to him one day.
"Nothin else matters. I love you. That's enough."
Could it be enough? I trust him with my life, but can I trust him with my heart? Will he never look at me and wonder how I could be driven to do what I did? Will he never despise me because he had to kill for me? Will he never regret the children that I can never give him?
"I love you too," I say and if that's true, then maybe nothing else does matter. "And yes, I will marry you."
Peace settles over me and in that instant I know I have done the right thing. If it turns badly later, then I will have least had some time with him. I will have known the love of an honest, decent man. I can thank God for that much.
"Don't think it's gonna snow much. We'll be movin on in a day or two," he says and lays his head against mine. "We'll get married soon as we get home."
Home. I nod and close my eyes. Soon, I hear his even breathing in my ear. He is asleep. I bask in the warmth of his love and embrace. I am treasured and he is the chest that holds me so that no one else will ever touch me again.

The End