An Awakening of Hope
He hated Christmas. At least, he hated it now. Once…once he had loved Christmas. When he closed his eyes, he could still feel that first Christmas with Sarah, still see the way her eyes had lit when she had opened the music box, still hear her soft voice as she read the words he had carved on the lid, the very same words he had said to her at their wedding, just a few months before. And he could smell the roses that she always smelled of, and he could remember his had over her womb, trying to feel the stirrings of the unborn child she had told him of that morning through the green satin.
And then, in the next moment, he remembered that first Christmas without her, without the little boy who they had loved so much, remembered the baby who should have drawn its first breath a mere two months before. Remembered waking up in a room with the reek of whiskey in the air, and the arm of a woman he didn't know draped across his chest, for the first time in a long, long time. Yeah, he hated Christmas, almost as much as he hated himself.
Chris peered out the window of his hotel room, watching the citizens of Four Corners pass below him, hurriedly getting everything they needed but had forgotten earlier in the week in preparation for Christmas dinner the next night, and buying gifts they had forgotten to buy.
+ + + + + + +
"Mrs. Travis-"
Mary smiled at the woman walking alongside her. "Please, call me Mary."
Terry Greer returned the smile. "Mary then. I'd just like to thank you, for inviting Olivia and I to have Christmas dinner with you and your son." "You're more than welcome, its always good to have people around for Christmas."
Olivia, who, along with Billy Travis, had been walking a few feet in front of them, tugged at Mary's arm.
"Yes?"
"Will Buck be there to?"
"And Chris!" Billy piped in.
"Mr. Wilmington will be there, as will most of the other men, but…" Mary paused, not knowing how to tell her son that his hero had wouldn't be there. When she had asked him if he would like to attend earlier that week, he had staunchly refused her invitation, and had made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Christmas. In fact, his attitude had been so dark this past week, she wasn't sure she wanted him around anyway. "Chris won't be there."
"Why not?" Billy asked.
"I think he prefers to be alone on Christmas."
"But what's the point of Christmas if you're alone?"
Olivia tapped Billy on the shoulder and pointed to a figure across the street.
"There he is, lets ask him if he'll come, maybe he's changed his mind."
"Ok. Can we Mom?" "Please Mama." Olivia simultaneously implored her mother.
"I suppose. If Billy can go."
Olivia turned to Mary. "Please Mrs. Travis."
"Okay, but if he says no, don't keep asking him."
"We won't!" They called out as they ran across the street towards Chris.
+ + + + + + +
Chris suppressed his groan when he saw Olivia and Billy runninh towards him, their mothers watching from across the street.
"Will you come to Christmas dinner?" They simultaneously burst out as they reached him. "I'can't." "Why not?" Billy asked.
Because he would rather block his memories, block the pain, with a bottle of whiskey than pretend that Christmas was a happy time, but he couldn't tell them that, just like he couldn't tell them that the only reason he'd left his room was to get more whiskey.
"Well, there you two are!" All three turned to see Buck coming down the street towards them, closely followed by J.D. Buck knelt down and wrapped his arms conspiratorially around Billy and Olivia's shoulders. "I'm in serious trouble, and I need you two to help me."
"How?" Billy asked,
And "What kind of trouble?" from Olivia.
"Well, your lovely mothers need Christmas gifts, and I don't have the slightest idea what to get them."
"How can we help?" Olivia asked.
"well, you can help me find them gifts. Think you could do that for ol' Buck?"
"Sure."
"Uh huh." "
Good. Go tell your mothers that you'll be with me, okay?"
"Okay."
"Wait wait wait." He grabbed them as they started to leave. "Don't tell them why your with me, got it?"
"Uh huh." Billy said.
"Can we go now?" Olivia asked.
"Sure thing." They ran off to talk to their mothers, and Buck stood to face Chris, and J.D. watched the kids cross the street, hoping they wouldn't get run over by a wagon, since they weren't paying attention.
"Don't start." Chris said before Buck could open his mouth.
"Do you know how badly that kid wants you to be there, how happy it'd make him?"
"I know, but-."
"And you still aren't coming?"
"No, I'm not."
"Why?"
"Last thing those kids need is having me around for Christmas dinner, bringing everyone down."
"Okay Buck!" Olivia's shout stopped any response that Buck would have made.
"Great!! And you didn't tell them why I need you two?"
The two earnestly shook their heads in denial.
"Perfect. Now, Olivia, before we go anywhere, can I hold your box for you?" They started walking down the street.
"Why?"
"So…ah…well, a pretty girl like yourself shouldn't have to burden her arms with it."
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's my box."
"I just want to hold it for a little while, that's all."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Give me the box."
"NO!"
Chris caught J.D. looking at him. "What?"
"Nothing." J.D. replied, "Nothing at all."
Chris watched as J.D. followed the others. Kid didn't understand, none of them did, not even Buck, not anymore at least.
+ + + + + + +
It was thirty minutes later that he heard a knock at his door, and opened it to see J. D. standing there, holding a book. "Thought you might like this. It's about a guy who actually hates Christmas more than you do." Chris took the book from him. "I'd say Merry Christmas, but your determined not to have one, so…"
J.D. left, and Chris glanced at the title. "A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens."
He'd heard of it, was supposed to be pretty good.
+ + + + + + +
Chris closed the book and went to the window, leaving the book on the bed. It was early afternoon, dinner would start in a few hours. J.D. had been right, Scrooge probably had hated Christmas more than he did, but at least he had a reason, Scrooge was just a greedy son-of-a-bitch. And he certainly wasn't going to four ghosts visit him and change his life completely.
"Are you certain of that?"
Chris started at the unexpected—but somehow familiar—voice. He drew his gun as he turned, but just barely managed to keep from dropping it when he saw the man in front of him.
"Imala?" It WAS the Seminole. Feet firmly planted, long black hair falling down his back, arms crossed, strong features etched with determination.
"You're dead." Were the only words Chris could think of to say.
"of course I'm dead, why do you think I'm here?"
Chris couldn't think of a response, and Imala crossed to the bed and picked up the discarded book.
"Let me guess," Chris managed to find his voice, "You're my Marley?"
"Of a sort."
"Where are your chains? If I'm gonna dream like this, I want it to be right."
Before Chris could react, Imala crossed to him and pinched his arm, hard.
"Could a dream do that?"
Chris didn't respond.
"Good, now, listen." Imala handed Chris the book. "Someone high up happens to think that you're worth something."
"And you're here to tell me that I'll be visited by three ghosts tonight who are going to convince me to change my ways forever."
"No, just to have a little hope. And your 'ghosts' will be a little closer to home than the old man's. You have a few minutes until the first one gets here."
"I thought I had until-"
Imala smiled. "No, you have to be through in time for dinner."
The End