Late Night Conversation
Author's Note: This is sort of a Missing scene/Epilogue to the first season episode One Day Out West. It's an excellent episode and I really love it but I also felt they left out some important things.
"Well, that's it," Vin said as he looked down at his cards with disgust and decided to fold. "You done cleaned me out, cowboy. I'm goin' to bed. G'night."
"G'night." Chris replied absently as he studied his cards while Buck was too intent on his cards to even answer.
There was just the two of them left at the table now. Chris looked down at his cards and then across the table at the man sitting there. He frowned. Buck was grinning from ear to ear, obviously up to something.
"What's so funny?" Chris asked suspiciously.
"You are." Buck kept grinning but Chris could see that there was something bitter hiding behind that grin.
"I am?" he asked calmly.
"Yeah, you're a funny, funny man, Chris Larabee."
They sat in silence for a while each studying the cards and avoiding each other's eyes. Chris poured another drink from the half-empty bottle on the table and took a sip before quietly asking, "In what way?"
"In every way."
Chris lowered his cards and looked Buck straight in the eye.
"If you've got something to say, then say it," he challenged Buck.
Buck gave him a strange look for a moment, as if he was about to say something that he knew he would regret later, then he seemed to come to a decision and grinned coldly as he said, "Oh, it just seems to me that it wasn't long ago you were ready to kill a man for calling you a cowboy and now you don't care. That's all."
"That's -" Chris didn't know quite what to say. Buck was right. He had been ready to shoot a man over that. But not Vin. That was totally.... "That's different," he finished the sentence but it sounded lame even to his own ears.
"Why?" Buck's voice became sarcastic. "Because Vin was the one who said it this time?"
Chris didn't answer. He could recall every detail of the situation Buck was talking about.
They had just come back from saving the Seminole village and had ridden straight into a volatile situation in Four Corners with Judge Travis alone with a gun against the heir to the James empire and two of his men. Lucas James had called Chris a cowboy and he had been ready to wipe out that arrogant attitude, with the help of a bullet if need be. Luckily for James the man had seen that Chris was serious and folded in time to just end up in jail instead.
Later that day he had just settled down at the saloon when he heard a quiet voice greet him with, "Hey cowboy."
When Chris had looked up from his glass Vin had been standing there, grinning at him like they were sharing some secret joke and asking, "Join you?"
He had sat down before Chris could even think about saying yes or no.
Perhaps it was that quiet sense of humor that had won Chris over, that and the fact that they shared the same view on what was fair and what wasn't. Chris couldn't really say, and to be honest he didn't care either.
All he knew was that it was the strangest thing and he'd felt it right from that first moment.
Kinship.
Just one glance and there had been something - an understanding, a recognition of some sort.
It had been there between them in the saloon as Vin had taken off his hat and said, "I was thinking about getting an early start for Tascosa."
It was more than a statement, it was an invitation and they both knew it.
But Four Corners wasn't such a bad place to rest up a spell as Chris saw it and he slid his drink across the table to Vin and grinned.
"I was thinking about whiskey, a room, a bed and more whiskey," he countered. "Why don't you give it a few days?"
But Vin had definitely made up his mind to go.
"With this bounty on my head, I ain't got a few days."
Chris could almost admire the man for his determination that apparently was stronger than his sense of self-preservation. He didn't let any of that show as he said, "I've never met a man who was in such a hurry to get himself hung."
Vin didn't look at him at first but then glanced at him sideways and it was clear he was baiting Chris as he answered, "Chance I got to take. Need to clear my name. I'm leaving in the morning. Wouldn't blame you if you preferred to stay."
"What are the women like in Tascosa?" Chris drew out the name of the town deliberately, just to taunt Vin since he had already made up his mind to go. Vin knew it too and grinned as he replied, "Don't come much livelier."
"See you in the morning," Chris had said and that had been it. If Stuart James hadn't broken Lucas free during the trial the next day he'd probably be in Tascosa with Vin right now. Fate, however, had wanted it otherwise and he was still here, signed on to protect the town together with the rest of the seven. Even Vin had signed on.
Would he have stayed if Vin had decided to continue towards Tascosa? He didn't know. Probably not.
He'd told the judge that he picked his fights carefully nowadays. He had to, since he now knew the full price that could be exacted for not knowing who your opponent was. The most bitter lesson he'd ever learned was that sometimes the price wasn't paid by you, but by someone you cared about. But what he'd told the judge hid another level of truth. The fact was that he hadn't cared about much lately.
Saving Nathan and meeting Vin had been the first thing in a long while to throw him out of his unconcerned state. He got the feeling that Vin was the kind of man who'd walk right up to the Devil and laugh in his face. If you were destined for Hell he was the man you'd want at your back and Chris Larabee had already been on his way down when he met Vin. Strangely enough Chris had felt less reckless since coming to Four Corners and Hell was no longer the only option.
"Why don't you react?" Buck was saying to him now and Chris was cast back to the present again. Buck wasn't smiling anymore, instead he looked like he desperately needed to understand something " Is it because he's a friend?"
"Yeah," Chris said though he wasn't sure he'd have tolerated being called cowboy by any of his other friends. "He's a friend."
"Well ... friendship's not what it used to be, is it?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Are we friends?"
"What?"
"Are we? 'Cause I seem to recall that recently you were ready to slit my throat for just talking to Mary Travis."
Chris became still, so very still. He could picture it clearly in his mind, from the way the light fell that day to the way the soap smelled. Every second of that moment was crystal clear in every detail and most of all he could recall perfectly the way icecold rage had flowed through his veins. Buck had been sitting in the barber's chair, waiting for a shave and totally unaware of the turmoil his slip of the tongue had created. Chris remembered the feel of the razor in his hand as he held it against Buck's neck and warned him against telling people about him. He still couldn't say what had stopped him from killing or even marking Buck right then.
"That was because of what was said," Chris said coldly. "What you said. You know that."
Because Buck had foolishly told Mary Travis about the death of Chris's wife and child and Mary had said to him... what was it now again? Oh, yes. She had said, "Your friend Buck told me you lost your wife and son in an accident. I lost my husband. I know something of what you've been through."
And Chris had just looked at her and felt his heart grow cold as he told her, "No, Ma'am. You don't."
They had both been wrong as he'd found out since then. He had heard that Mary Travis's husband hadn't just died, he had been murdered. So maybe she did know something of his pain but there was still a big difference between them.
Mary Travis still had her child to think of, to live for.
His child had died.
Adam had been a bundle of joy from the first moment. A secret hope in a father's heart of great accomplishments in the future. A gift like no other. A blessing.
Now everything was gone. Everything. And with it had gone the man he'd been. Husband. Father. He was none of that now and Buck was a constant reminder of all that was lost in his life.
Buck was the one that had talked him into going to Mexico for one night, the very same night someone had murdered his family. It was impossible for him to completely forget that.
If only...
Chris had thought those words a million times in the past couple of years. He guessed that Buck had too.
Too close to the hurt. That's what they were. Too close to the hurt.
Buck certainly had no business poking around in wounds that had barely begun to heal. But he didn't deserve to die for it.
Chris could see the impact of his words on Buck who looked defeated for a moment.
"I'm sorry," Buck said. "I really am."
And Chris knew he was. Many people made the mistake of thinking that Buck was all surface and wouldn't take a stand. It was true he was an impulsive man who'd jump into a fight without a second thought, but mostly if he felt the cause was just. It was also true that he'd go to almost any length to charm every woman he met. He genuinely loved women but he also respected them and wouldn't stand to see any woman mistreated.
Chris knew Buck would stand by him in any brawl he got involved in, no matter what the odds, no matter what the cause. The only time that hadn't happened was when Buck'd said he wouldn't follow them to Stuart James's ranch but he'd turned up in time to save the day all the same. Chris had never felt the rift between them more clearly than when Buck had said he wouldn't come with them.
Now he could feel the sorrow between them, the grief they never spoke of to each other but that was always present somewhere in the background.
"Forget it," Chris said. For whatever reason Buck had told Mary Travis he knew it hadn't been to hurt him.
He decided to steer the conversation away from this topic and into a safer one, like evaluating the strengths and weaknesses of their new group.
"So what do you think about JD?" Chris asked and for the first time that night he smiled when Buck muttered, "Fool boy's gonna get himself killed if I'm not there."
"Oh, so that's why you signed on, is it?"
Buck smiled slightly and his eyes seemed to fasten on something far away.
"Remember when we were young and knew we could take the world? JD's like that. I don't want him to fall as hard as we did when he discovers it's not true."
Chris could find no argument with that. There was something very appealing about young enthusiasm. Remembering his own nightmares, he hoped JD could keep dreaming only good dreams.
"Nathan's a good fellow," Chris continued the review. "He'll make a good doctor some day. I hope he'll stick around, I get the feeling we'll be needin' him."
"You expecting gunplay?"
"Bound to happen. I thought you were enough of a trouble magnet, Buck. With all your women and so on. But now I've got to account for five more of you."
Buck raised an eyebrow slightly and just looked at him a while before stating, "I notice you didn't count yourself in there with the ones attracting trouble."
"Me? I'm just content to sit here and nurse my drink."
"Sure you are, Chris."
They both grinned and suddenly it seemed to Chris that perhaps the good old days weren't so far away and out of reach after all.
"Josiah's a good man." Chris gave up one card and took another from the deck. "He's also a very strange man."
"Amen to that," Buck agreed. "Wouldn't want to get on his bad side. Ezra ... now there's a puzzle."
"He's shifty." Chris frowned. "I don't trust him. He ran out on us in the village."
"But he came back," Buck pointed out. "And he stood by us later."
"Yeah, I know," Chris said and wished he could see into the future. "But I can't help thinking that one day we'll be facing odds that could be in our favor or against us and Ezra'll be the one to balance the scale either way. I'm not sure what he'll do then. That's what got me worried."
"You always worry too much."
Buck nearly smiled as he said it but deep inside he knew it wasn't quite like that any more. They'd known each other for nigh upon twelve years now but to Buck it was like knowing two different people. Once upon a time Chris had been a man whose only concern was the welfare of others, especially those close to him. The last couple of years he hadn't seemed to care much for anything except crawling into a bottle every available chance he got.
Taking on the Ghosts of the Confederacy had changed him, and Vin seemed to play a part in that change somehow. Now it sounded as if Chris had decided to stay. Was he starting to rebuild something of his old self again or was it only the last flicker before the fire died out? Buck had been watching Chris for so long now. Hoping. Waiting. Bearing the guilt in silence. Suddenly it felt like he couldn't do it for even one more second.
"I need to start over, Chris," Buck said quietly and he sounded very tired. "You should too. I think this is our chance. This town."
Buck could well be right. They both needed to start over. Was that the reason they had both forged stronger bonds with others within the seven and let their own friendship lapse into this strange grey zone?
That was probably why they had struck out in different directions, Chris with Vin and Buck with J.D. Maybe that was the way it should be. But it wasn't the town, it had never been the town. It was the people in it, pure and simple. That was their chance.
"What about Vin?" Buck suddenly asked and Chris was instantly on guard.
This was most likely the question Buck had been wanting to ask all along. Vin was the unknown factor that upset the balance of their friendship. It shouldn't have, but it had. Was Buck feeling like Chris was replacing him with Vin?
"What about him?" Chris turned the question around.
"You think he'll stay?"
"He gave me his word."
"Yeah but...." Buck trailed off.
"But?"
"I get the feeling he's like one of those wild things that would rather chew off their own leg to get free than die caught in a trap. I can't see him settling down in any town."
"Well, if he goes I go with him."
"I know, Chris," Buck replied softly and looked away.
Chris realized that Buck had never said that he would go with them.
Buck poured a drink from the bottle and gulped it down in one big swallow. He repeated this action one more time before he looked at Chris again.
"You'd let him get away with murder, wouldn't you?" he declared.
"Buck ... what the hell are you talking about?"
"The bounty on his head."
"Vin's no murderer. He was set up, you know that."
"I don't think that he is but I don't know that. Not like you seem to do. How can you be so sure?"
"I don't know how. I just am. I'd stake my life on it. I've staked all our lives on it, haven't I? It's worked out so far."
Buck nodded wistfully and then out of the blue he declared, "You've got a soft spot for him."
"Buck!" Chris protested.
"It's okay, " Buck assured him. "I don't mind. You seem more ... yourself now."
Chris rolled his eyes. "Well, that's all I need, isn't it? Your approval. C'mon now - haven't we discussed this enough?"
"No," Buck persisted. "It's late enough that no one is around and I reckon we're just the right amount of drunk to be havin' this conversation. Well .... at least I am. And I wanna know what it is about him that makes him so special to you."
Chris stayed silent, thinking hard about what he should say. He wasn't sure that he could say the truth, that once in a lifetime there comes along someone that you feel you've known forever, even though you know that you've never met before.
He recognized something in Vin Tanner, for one thing that he wasn't afraid of much. Many people stayed clear of Chris Larabee and he wanted it that way. He cultivated it with his black clothes and he could freeze a man just by looking at him. Vin, however, might be afraid sometimes but it wasn't of Chris Larabee.
Chris could tell that Vin had been through some rough times too but somehow he'd managed to retain a strange and quiet sense of humor that reared it's head in the most challenging of situations. While Buck seemed to find most things amusing Chris rarely laughed nowadays. Even so ... he hadn't realized how much he wanted, no - needed - some of that laughter back until he'd met Vin.
That wasn't something he could say to Buck, he knew he'd take it the wrong way. Buck, however, was nothing if not stubborn. He'd just keep at it until Chris gave in and gave him an answer. The man knew him too well and he didn't know the meaning of quit. Chris'd just have to give him something simple, not the whole truth but not that far from it either.
"Vin's not scared of me," Chris finally muttered with great reluctance. "Even I scare me sometimes but somehow I just don't scare him."
Buck leaned back in his chair and started to laugh.
"That's it? It's bothering you that he ain't scared of you?"
"Yeah, Buck," Chris said wryly. "That's it. Happy now?"
"Told ya," Buck said and his eyes glittered with amusement. "Soft spot."
Then he added more seriously, "I just don't want you to forget who your old friends are."
When Chris looked closer he could see that this really bothered Buck. That he believed that they've come to the end of the line somehow and if they split up now it would be forever.
Thinking about it as the silence stretched out between them, Chris suddenly found that he really wasn't ready for them to part.
A man couldn't forget his past if it was constantly in his face. But there was more to his past than what he was trying to forget and Buck was the only link he had. The only one who knew, who had been there through it all.
Buck could test the patience of an angel but there wasn't a deceitful bone in his body. Chris knew full well that if he made it clear that he was to stay, Buck would follow his lead. Probably not without the occasional grumble ... but he could live with that.
"I won't forget," Chris said quietly and it was as good as any promise.
"I'm glad to hear that," Buck said, equally serious. Then he suddenly grinned. "And don't worry - you still scare me sometimes."
"Shut up, Buck," Chris said but he sounded almost affectionate this time.
Contemplating his cards one final time, he finished his drink before he spread out a full house on the table and ended the game.
The End