SNIPPET 4 : WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE

By Thalia

Disclaimer and the rest: See first page

Notes: "When You Love Someone" is performed by Bryan Adams

Pairing: None

Summary: A few bad weeks, a bad end to a mission, long days of rain and here are the guys, at the saloon, where the atmosphere doesn't really help since everybody has the blues. The jukebox plays on and JD looks at Buck and Ezra…

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JD was nursing his beer between his cold hands… he was shivering, his usual energizer-bunny behavior singularly absent. But the cold was coming from within and nobody but himself could chase it away.

He could still hear the shout that precipitated the exchange of fire. Still see Jamie McCay, the youngest agent and new recruit of Team 5 go down, a flower of deep red blossoming on his chest… he could still feel his fear at seeing his friends, his big brother Buck and Ezra, trapped between the gun-runners and Team 5… he could still remember the tears running down his face at their not moving at all, tangled in a heap… he could still remember the knife of panic and horror at the idea that the reason they were not moving was because they wouldn't anymore.

It had been but a few short years since the loss of his mother. But shortly after that, he had joined the ATF and Team 7 and that loss had been softened by the presence of one Buck Wilmington, God's Gift to Women (Buck's words!) and beloved Mother Hen (JD's words!). He could still remember their first encounter, with Buck saying all that he wouldn't do for not only a rookie, but certainly even less a kid. Buck's words had been ringing again and again in his ears and for a moment there, he had been desperate. He had heard so much about the exclusive Team 7 and its fearless leader. To be chosen at such a young age had been sheer luck. To be handpicked by Chris Larabee had been an honor. And he had spent his time trying to show how worth it had been to take such a chance with him. And before he knew it, he was living with Buck, included in his life, mother-henned to death almost by the most caring and gentle man he had ever met.

Except perhaps for Ezra Standish.

The only difference between the two men was that while Buck would treat him like a kid and help him find back a little of the youth lost at his mother's bedside, Ezra would treat him as an adult. Always there to listen to him when he needed it and never judging. Just like Vin. Except that Vin already had somebody like Chris looking after him. Ezra had nobody. He gave nobody that chance. Vin, Ezra and he were the youngest of the team. Though sometimes, he would wonder about Buck too. Sometimes, he could make JD feel like the adult. Like now, for example. The way he was looking at Ezra with his heart in his eyes was bringing tears to his eyes.

How many times had he debated about broaching the subject? At first, he had had doubt about what his eyes were seeing. Buck loved women so much, how could he be in love with a man? Not that the thought was disgusting or abhorrent to JD! He knew that people sometimes forgot about him knowing things because he looked so young. But if there was one thing life had taught him was that you ought to take Love seriously, in whatever form it came to you. And so, he had the sudden knowledge that if Buck was flirting so much with women, maybe it was simply because he couldn't have his heart's desire. He thought Ez was unattainable, mostly since he was spending more time with Vin or Josiah than with the rest of them. And he had watched as Buck awkwardly tried to gain Ez' attention… to not be noticed at all. It had broken his heart to see his brother hurting so much. Buck had such a propensity for loving. All thought that JD was the most loving of them all. Few knew that Buck was even more loving than he was. But who would notice the ladies' man was truly hurting because he was in love with his friend? Just like Ezra, he could hide so well… unless you were actually living with him. How could he talk to him? Give him hope?

JD had seen Buck try all the subtle approaches he could think of. Ezra just obviously was not seeing him in that light… or was simply refusing. Buck had tried the most childish stunts to try and attract the attention of the cool green gaze upon him. And was considered just like them, childish. JD was sure that the only reason was that somewhere deep down, Ezra just didn't believe himself lovable. How many times had he himself played tricks on the con-man, making it look as if they were from Buck in the hope of helping his big brother…

Buck had tried everything short of jumping Ezra's bones, but to no avail.

And JD's heart had ached alongside Buck's.

Looking up to his big brother, JD determined that he wouldn't suffer anymore. And the first step was to talk to him. Just then, with a whimper disguised as a clearing of throat, Buck stood up, muttering something about refreshing their drinks. Nobody but JD noticed. And so he stood up, deciding that the time to have a talk was as good as ever.

"When are you gonna talk to him face to face, Buck?" JD asked quietly.

"What?" Buck frowned. "What the hell are you talkin' about JD?"

JD sighed, played with some peanut shells laying on the bar. Then finally lifted his face to his friend, honesty and caring written all over it.

"I'm not dumb, Buck. I live with you, remember?" He chided gently.

Buck sighed forlornly, passing his hand on his face.

"Am I that obvious?" He asked.

"Just to those who know you… and those who look really good… behind that flirting face you always wear…" JD smiled softly. "Buck, you're like the big brother I've never had but always dreamed I would get. I've seen you in all the moods a human being can have… and I've seen you hurt because you love him…"

"And he doesn't notice… or doesn't care," Buck whispered, his throat closing.

"Buck," JD admonished, "remember how he was when he arrived? He couldn't believe somebody would stand by him. You've met his mother. What kind of idea do you think he has about love? He'd been used by his mother, betrayed by those he thought his friends… How can he even imagine there's somebody out there loving him? It's a concept that can't even enter his mind. That's the kind of things he thinks he doesn't deserve… so I ask you, what are you gonna do about it?" He asked patiently.

"What do you want me to do? Scream it on the rooftops? He won't even listen to me."

"Then how about you talk to him like you mean it instead of joking about it?" JD pointed out.

"You love him, don't you?" JD asked, reinforcing his point.

The eyes Buck turned to him were on the brink of tears.

"Yeah, I do… with all my heart…" He whispered.

"How long do you think you will be able to stand the situation before you break down? Remember what you told me about Casey? That if I thought she was worth it, I should be fighting for her… Buck, I think it's high time you listen to your own advice."

Buck chuckled softly and looked at his little brother tenderly.

"When did you grow up?" He asked, smiling.

JD smiled back.

"When you were so busy falling in love with Ez and trying to forget it, I think…"

The two men looked at each other, finally seeing the other one in a different light. More than two strangers that had become brothers. More than two people living with one another and participating in the other one's life. More than two friends having a grown-ups talk. Finally seeing each other as the men that they had become.

JD's eyes were silently assuring Buck of his support, giving him the strength he needed to face his future. And in Buck's eyes, JD saw that the final decision, however hard it had been to take, had finally been reached.

Yes, it was time Ez knew there was somebody out here loving him with all his heart. Smiling at JD, Buck picked up the drinks for the team and taking a deep breath, turned around, back towards the table where the rest of their friends were seated.

In the background, another song came on… And the Scoundrel decided to take it as a good omen and his heart in his throat, he walked purposefully towards their table and the love of his life…

to snippet 5 : To Make You Feel My Love