Chapter 12:

My Immortal:

You used to captivate me By your resonating light But now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I've held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone And though you're still with me I've been alone all along

Evanescence, Fallen, 2003

Dawn came in a gray, drizzly, foggy, damp way. The air smelled smoky, ash covered everything and now with the addition of the rain, the ground was fast becoming a gray slippery, mess.

Danny woke first, cold and stiff, the blisters on his feet reminding him quickly of his situation. He remained still for a moment trying to put all the pieces together. He heard the patter of the rain overhead and remembered he was under a shelter. He heard the sound of breathing other than his own and felt the presence of another next to him and remembered that he and Martin had taken shelter together in their makeshift tent.

Breathing deeply he smelled the smoke and damp ash and then felt the tickle of a cough that began in his lungs and rattled in his chest and windpipe. Try as he might to stifle the rattle he began to cough and shudder. He sat as upright as was possible to stop the coughing and after a second had it under control. Glancing back he noticed Martin shift a bit and then settle back down; the guy was exhausted.

Not sure of what he'd find Danny plucked up the edge nearest him and peered out, everywhere he could see, which wasn't much, he saw gray, mist, rain and more gray. Sliding carefully out from under the shelter he stepped into the awakening day. Standing to his full six some foot height he stretched enjoying the sensation of releasing some of the tension from muscles and joints and hearing the satisfying pops as his neck and back cracked and straightened.

After a minute of stretching and straightening as best he could in his gear, he felt the call of nature and trudged off to take care of that bit of business. Returning to the shelter he looked around again and noted that everything was smeared with ash and little rivulets of ashy deposits were winding their way across the terrain. Mother Nature was already trying to wash away the destruction. He wanted to rub the grit out of his eyes but his hands were so grimy that he knew he'd only manage to smear more in, man how he wished for a toothbrush.

Tilting his head back and opening his mouth he managed to suck down some of the precious water that was falling from the sky, Don't know about getting it any fresher than that he thought wryly as he swallowed the second small mouthful. The short walk and standing on his feet reminded him that his blisters needed to be attended to. Looking around he realized the best place to do that was underneath their makeshift shelter and as much as he wanted Martin to get some rest, they needed to fix themselves up and get out of here.

Stepping to the shelter he gently lifted the edge again and looked straight into the blinking eyes of his formerly slumbering partner.

"Morning, sweetie."

Danny grinned, now that was supposed to be his line.

"See, I told you, one night with the Dannyman, and they all want more." He retorted enjoying the shake of Martin's head and the flash of playful irritation that was sent his way.

In a few minutes Martin had basically copied Danny's earlier routine and the two of them were once again perched under their little shelter. Both had saved their little first aid kits when Putnam had had them repack certain essentials on their person, thankfully the kits were part of those essentials. It wasn't easy maneuvering under the little shelter but they managed to clean as much grime as possible off their hands by holding them outside of the shelter and then using their t-shirts as towels. Now with their hands as clean as possible they carefully cleaned and dressed the blisters as best they could and, using some of the moleskin that came in the kits, fashioned some cushioning before slipping their socks back on and then pulling their boots back on. It wasn't great but it would help the blisters from getting any worse, well, it might.

Finally with that little bit of care out of the way they plundered the rest of their pockets and found that they still had some energy bars and a little trail mix as well as some MREs containing crackers and peanut butter. It wasn't much but both men opted for the crackers and peanut butter and managed to wash it down with some of the water that Mother Nature was providing.

"Mm-mm, Danny, you sure know how to treat a date." Martin joked as he swallowed the last of the cracker.

"Yeah, well, for you, my outdoorsman guy, only the freshest water and nastiest tasting of freeze dried concoctions. At least I --- tailor my meals for my - uh, my---"

"Your what, Taylor and is that Taylormade meals or tailormade meals?" Martin stared at Danny and could have sworn that underneath the layer of grime there was a little flush of---yep, Danny was blushing. Martin chuckled, that was a first.

"Yeah, well, just never mind. Let's get the hell off this mountain." Danny huffed and then proceeded to pack up their shelters, folding them as carefully as possible and then realizing that they were stuck with carrying them as there wasn't any way to loop them over their backs or anything. Oh, well, it was all the protection they had and neither man was willing to part with the very items that had saved their lives.

Both men stood there, folded shelters clutched in their arms and then stared around them trying to think of the best direction to go. While down seemed logical the problem was that very shortly they would be into a heavily wooded area, well at least formerly it was wooded and that meant lots of falling snags, up meant the same thing, in fact, any direction really meant heading into danger. Both men remembered the direction that they had been led by their so-called guide and remembered the rocky outcropping.

"I'm thinking it's probably best to try to find some better protection before the wind really picks up. We were fine last night since the wind didn't really rattle anything but this area is too exposed, if those snags start falling, they're likely to tumble right down on top of us."

"I agree mi amigo. Back the way we came." Danny stepped quickly ahead of Martin and they both used their memory of the direction they had come to try and find their way back.

After about ten minutes both men were decidedly foot sore, their boots rubbing viciously even with the added layers they had provided. Also, the falling rain made for very difficult progress as they slipped and slid back up the hillside trying to angle their way up. They hadn't gotten very far when they became aware of thudding sounds. Stopping and standing still they listened and heard it again and then after a moment another.

"The wind is picking up. I think those are trees falling." Martin said.

"Me too. We'd better find some shelter and fast."

The two men were just inside an area that yesterday had been heavily populated with trees, now the ghostly remains of those trees stood or lay all around them. Struggling forward they continued on their slippery mission. Another 20 minutes of tense pushing brought them both to another small group of rocks but the area was too small to protect them.

"Nothing looks like I remember." Danny said.

"Same for me, I'm not even sure on the map where exactly we are." Martin agreed letting his gaze sweep all around him.

They struggled further but the elements were definitely against them as the wind started to whip down the mountain and the rain started blowing in their faces. The steady crash and thud of snags falling sent tremors of fear through both men as they imagined the next one to be their last. Finally Danny struggled to the top of a rise and saw exactly what they were looking for, protection.

Martin appeared right next to him in the next breath and both men ran full out for the safety of the rocky outcropping. This one wasn't the one they had come by the day previous in their mad rush to escape the fire, truth be told, neither man knew where that one was, but this one did have a large flat spot over which a substantial overhang offered protection from the falling debris, branches and even some of the rain that was falling.

Reaching their new sanctuary both men stooped down, crawled under the protection afforded by the rocks and huddled on the ground to sit out the next round Mother Nature seemed ready to hurl at them. Deciding to use their shelters in the next most logical manner, protection underneath and over them they spread one on the ground and wrapped the second around them and then pressed as far back under the rocky ledge as possible and watched as the wind whipped the rain across their field of vision. There would be no search party for them today that is if anyone thought they were alive.

After close to an hour of just sitting and watching with amazement alternating with fear as trees appeared on the side of their vision tumbling down the hillside and the noise seemed all encompassing, Danny leaned close to Martin's ear and yelled: "So, Nature Boy, is this enough for you?"

"Yeah, I'll take the subway at rush hour any time now. I've had enough of this!" Martin sent back, he truly had had enough of this assignment.

"Make you wish for the days of White Collar!?"

"Don't knock it, man, regular hours, nicer accommodations and travel; your favorite coffee shop on every corner, you'd like it!" Martin grinned despite the circumstances.

"Maybe I should look into it!" Danny shot back.

"Yeah, well, I heard there's an opening; guy like you; no problem!"

"Maybe I should--hey, what do you mean "guy like you" what's that all about?"

"Hey, you're hip, smart dresser, well accept for that jacket when Elena was undercover, and then there was that orangish and brown striped tie last week, what the hell was that?"

"Oh, that's nice, you talking to me about ties, I remember a certain striped one---"

"Hey, don't get me started, blue boy, you wore a pale blue polka dot thing, who picked that out?

"Hey, I killed in that tie!" Danny sent back.

"Yes, that's true, you did." Martin said solemnly, "You killed the eyesight of every person that had to look at that hideous thing."

A shift in the wind sent a stream of rain right under their shelter and straight into both men's faces instantly causing them to start blinking furiously trying to clear their eyes and coughing to clear the ashen, gritty moisture that coated their faces and dripped into their mouths.

"Okay. That's enough on fashion, me thinks Momma Nature no likey our talkie." Danny quipped trying to find something to wipe his mouth on and finally giving up the battle.

Both men leaned back and allowed the shelter they had wrapped around them to settle and cover their faces against the elements. Leaning against the cold, rough rocks they were grateful for the cushioning provided by their gear and the bit of warmth created by their bodies but still, both longed for a hot shower, steaming coffee and the blare of taxicabs, it would be a welcome return to some sense of normalcy.

After close to an hour had passed, and the weather showed no sign of improving although the roar of the falling snags had lessened a bit, Danny had nearly drifted off to sleep when he heard Martin ask:

"Why do you stay?"

Confused by the abruptness of the question, Danny thought for a moment.

"Why do I stay in MPU?"

"Yeah, you've been doing that for what, seven or eight years now, right?"

"Yeah, let's see, yeah, that's right, I was with the team almost a year and a half when you came on board, so yeah, a little over seven years."

"Well, before that you were in NYP, right, and studying for the bar, so why do you stay?"

"I don't know. To be honest my schooling is so rusty I don't think I could pass the bar and lately being a lawyer just isn't what I though it would be anymore, especially since that lawyer turned everything around with Carlos and made Elena seem like the baddie and now Carlos is free and clear."

Martin thought about that for a moment. He'd never wanted to be a lawyer, never wanted to be in politics; never wanted any of those so-called prestige jobs that his father and mother had always planned for him. True, he could do them, he wasn't all bad at politics but he just didn't have a taste for it. He liked the more hands on, the more earthy part of the work; he had Bonnie to thank for that.

"Okay. So no Taylor and Associates in your future, but you've never looked into counterterrorism or civil rights or major theft and violent crimes, why missing persons?" Martin pressed.

"I don't know, Martin, I really don't. I could say I like the work, and I do even though so much of it is finding out the worst about people and then not even having a happy ending once that's done. I mean, it's not like I was missing and then found and that's why I do it because someone looked for and found me. I guess--I guess it's just where I fit in and I love the team, to be honest, the team is really what makes it work for me. I don't know what I'll do when Jack finally decides to leave.

"Maybe you should take his job." Martin nudged.

"Nah, let Vivian have it, or you - you'd be great at it. I like being the soldier that's who I am and I like it. I'm good at it and I understand it."

"Yeah, there is something to be said about understanding what you like and do and who you are." Martin added thoughtfully.

Both men settled into silence again as the wind and rain continued, occasionally interspersed with the loud thud of another snag falling. After another prolonged period of time had passed Danny suddenly spoke up having spent that time thinking on Martin's words.

"Are you thinking of leaving?" He hoped not, surely Martin wouldn't be that upset over Sam and Jack and whatever the hell was going on with them to decide to leave the team.

"No, you're not getting rid of me that easily. No, I was just wondering why you stayed because to be honest, there isn't anywhere else I want to be either, especially now." Martin answered.

"All right. I don't want to be breaking in another partner anytime too soon--especially now?" Danny turned to look and noted a light in Martin's eyes. "Give, Fitzgerald, you've been holding out on me."

"Yeah, I guess I have. All right, so here's the deal. Remember I said I've been doing some thinking and I said that I could get a date anytime I wanted to?"

"Yeah." Danny said slowly.

"Well, the fact is that there is someone I'm interested in and she's just in the process of moving to New York City to start her new job."

"Really, and who would this be, where did you meet her, how long have you known her, come on, man, stop holding out on me!"

"Her name is Holly Bennett, I met her at an FBI training seminar about six months ago, and we've been emailing and calling each other off and on since then. She's moving to NYC and doesn't know anyone there and I've been wondering if I should try to make something more of it than just casual friends and I've decided that I'm going to go for it, especially since I'm pretty certain she'd like more."

"So she works for the FBI?"

"No, she doesn't, she's going to work for the Chief Medical Examiner's office. She's a forensic pathologist. I met her when I went to that seminar on crime scenes and autopsies earlier this year."

"Uh, forensic pathologist, great, Martin, she sounds great." Danny wasn't sure what to think of someone who dealt with dead bodies all day.

"I know, it sounds dark, but Holly is anything but dark. She loves to hike and she's a runner. She's a big sports fan anything from cycling to soccer, to football, basketball and baseball. She loves to cook, she dances. She reads everything from trashy romance novels to the latest self-help book to autobiographies and the classics. She also paints watercolors. She likes to paint light, happy, sometimes just fluffy or whimsical watercolors and they're really good."

Danny thought about that last part. He'd been at Martin's about a month ago and had seen a watercolor painting unmated on his desk. He hadn't thought anything about it but now...

"She says she keeps so many outside interests to help separate her from her work and while she's all play when it's time to play, she's all work when it's time to work, and she loves the work because to her, everyone needs a voice and since the dead no longer have theirs, she's their voice."

"Sounds like you really like her." Danny was more encouraged, Martin was very animated talking about this Holly person. Still, he'd have to meet her and decide for himself.

"Yeah, I do, and yes, I can hear you thinking over there, I'll let you meet her. Actually, she emailed me just before we left and she said she was looking forward to NYC because of all the great clubs for dancing and that she wanted to show her the best clubs."

Danny burst out laughing. The though of Martin knowing the best clubs, or even the worst clubs, had him laughing out loud; he recovered as quickly as possible.

"I'm sorry, man, but she has met you, right?"

"Yes, she has met me."

Danny was stunned; this Holly was coming on to Martin! He was so shocked he pulled the shelter off from their heads and stared Martin straight in the eye; Martin didn't flinch.

"She's totally coming on to you!"

"I know. I like it. I got her email the night I got home after Sam and the whole Lamaze coach scene. I was so angry and hurt and --- I don't know but then I opened my email and there was her message and I thought, this could be really great, and I do like her, however, I didn't want to treat her the way I felt Sam treated me. I don't think Sam meant to treat me as her transitional guy or her way of getting over Jack but in the end that's just how it became and it was an awful position to be in and I didn't want to do that to Holly so I didn't answer her.

Being away from the office, having time away from Sam and Jack and all that has given me time to clear my head; I'm ready. I'm ready for a change, and Holly is nothing like Sam and in other ways she's very much like Sam. She's driven in her work like Sam but she doesn't feel compelled to prove herself and fight every battle on her own. She's smart like Sam but she's also not afraid to be goofy and let her guard down. And yes, 'Mr. How does she look!' She looks nothing like Sam. She's taller, has reddish brown hair that's just to her shoulders and the greenest eyes you could ever imagine.

"So, I take it you and Holly and Elena and I will be hitting the clubs?" Danny challenged, relieved to see a light in his friend's eyes that hadn't been there for a long, long time.

"You're on." Martin sent back feeling a complete sense of contentment. He'd been thinking of Holly for a long time but with Sam there daily he hadn't been able to let go of the possibilities and even when she revealed she was pregnant he still had clung to some old-fashioned hope that she would turn to him and they could reignite what had been. All along he'd been communicating with Holly and she even knew that he'd been hurt, he hadn't told her everything other than it was someone that he worked with and that it hadn't gone well but Holly had been great and she understood having been there herself.

When she announced she was moving to NYC to take the job with the Chief Medical Examiner's office he'd been thrilled and torn at the same time but once Sam had made her feelings and intentions towards him crystal clear and yes, sometimes the piano on the head was really necessary, he'd paid more attention to his thoughts on Holly and realized that they had such an easy rapport with each other and they'd never even held hands. He knew so much about her childhood and growing up and her outlook and - and that was the kind of intimacy he wanted as well as the physical kind.

He didn't know if he and Holly had a chance at anything other than a great friendship but he was going to give it everything he hadHe was looking forward to getting home and calling her up.

While Martin sat thinking on Holly and the possibilities of a new beginning Danny sat next to him content that his friend had found a new outlook. They'd been through a lot, as friends, as partners and as a team especially in the last two years but now it seemed that everyone, well almost everyone, was headed in a good direction, he and Elena, Martin and perhaps this Holly person, Martin finally figuring out his and Sam's relationship.

The rain continued to fall keeping both men damp and cold and effectively assuring them of another day and night alone on this wretched hillside but both men were content in their minds that Mother Nature was doing a bit more than just washing away the scorched earth, something deeper and more personal, especially to Martin was being cleansed away and he was coming back to life.

Bring Me to Life:

All this time I can't believe I couldn't see Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems Got to open my eyes to everything Wake me up inside Wake me up inside Call my name and save me from the dark Bid my blood to run before I come undone Save me from the nothing I've become Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul Don't let me die here there must be something more Bring me to life

Evanescence: Fallen, 2003

Chapter 13:

Missing:

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. Maybe someday you'll look up, And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one: "Isn't something missing?" You won't cry for my absence, I know - You forgot me long ago. Am I that unimportant...? Am I so insignificant...? Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me? Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing?

Evanescence: Fallen, 2003

Sam stood at the window of her apartment staring out at the night skyline blanket wrapped around her shoulders to ward off the chill she couldn't seem shake. In the background the Evanescence tune, Missing, played and she found herself listening and identifying with the haunting, mournful words. As the song played she listened, really listened to the words she felt a burning behind her eyes.

My, God, was this how Martin felt - feels? Does he feel insignificant, unimportant to me? Sam cringed as she realized the answer was plainly yes. How would she have felt if it had been her and the man she was with hadn't been willing to share their relationship with their friends, colleagues, even family but insisted it be kept hidden because he didn't want people to talk about him for 'just sleeping with someone.'

Sam finally realized how much she'd hurt Martin. In her efforts to protect her own fragile ego and self-worth she'd hurt the one person who'd never looked at her with anything other than respect, friendship and perhaps - Sam hoped - love.

So they'd broken up--well, he'd broken up with her and in her hurt and rejection she'd spurned him. She never once tried to initiate reconciliation not during those few weeks after the break, not after he'd recovered from being shot, not after he'd allowed her to help him with his addiction and not even a year after he'd admitted and sought help, no. She'd barely treated him as a friend and now, when she needed him, really needed a friend she'd even screwed that up so caught up in her foolish fantasies of something that really never was and never would be and in so doing she'd betrayed the one man that had truly been the best thing in her life.

Martin, I do cry for your absence and I am missing you tonight. Come home and please, please forgive me. Sam pressed her hand against the window pane and leaned her forehead on the cool glass and stared out into the night. Despite all the progress they had made during the day, and it was a lot, there was still no word on the location of Martin and Danny - no word on whether they were even alive or dead.

Earlier that day:

With Jack on his way across the country the three women spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out who was behind the fires. Pulling out all the material they organized it once again into workable stacks. They had folders on each of the fires that Martin had identified out of Braxton's notebook as well as stacks of information on all of the survey members; then there was information that had been newly gathered on Jeff Pierce and they had requested urgent responses to the information they hadn't thought they would need having passed it on to the Utah office prior but now bank records, cell phone records, credit card reports, work evaluations on Jeff Pierce were all flowing in to their office as well.

Trying to identify the person behind the fires was going to require someone with inside knowledge so Elena contacted David Braxton at his home in the city and he agreed to come in and help. Prior to his arrival, Elena had taken a few minutes to contact Silvia and fill her in on Danny's current situation. Slipping into Jack's office she'd used his phone and, when she emerged from Jack's office about 20 minutes later, she was a littler paler with a little redness around her eyes.

However, once Dave Braxton arrived, she straightened her shoulders and got right to work with him; she had her job to do and weeping wasn't going to help anyone at that moment, besides, her man was fine, there was no reason to weep.

While they were working in the conference room Vivian and Sam were going through Jeff Pierce's financial records and phone records trying to identify a pattern that might tell them who he was in contact with. Vivian noticed Sam staring at Elena when the raven haired agent emerged from Jack's office after calling Silvia but didn't pay any more attention to it at the time.

Sam periodically touched base with the Utah office giving them summaries of their information as well as seeking information on the road blocks and the manhunt currently underway for Jeff Pierce. His photograph had been posted at all local airports and his credit cards and bank cards had tracers placed on them, as soon as he utilized any electronic means of accessing cash, they'd have a location, same with his known cell phone.

They had caught a break with the foul weather out in Utah which while hampering rescue efforts for Martin and Danny also halted any small flights around the area causing the FBI to be fairly certain Pierce hadn't hopped a plane anywhere. State police had hit all the small airfields within easy distance of base camp and none had had any flights out since Pierce's disappearance from the mountain.

After going through the material, a pattern had started to take shape and Vivian noticed calls being made to a phone number over the past two years around the times of the fires in 2004, Blanco, and 2005, Long Jim, and again that same number appeared right before the fire in Utah.

Sam similarly found ATM and credit card activity coinciding with the times of the phone calls that indicated Pierce had been in Missoula which was where the phone calls were made to.

Just then Elena and Dave Braxton came out of the conference room and joined them at the conference table in the bullpen.

"Mr. Braxton has pointed out an interesting fact that links all the files from his journal, something he hadn't noted at the time." Elena nodded toward Dave who was looking a bit chagrined.

"I don't know how I missed it. I was so focused on my survey team and trying to pinpoint who on my team may have been involved that I missed the fact that all of the fires that got out of control occurred not only where my team was conducting a survey but also where in the previous couple of months a large number of firefighters had been laid off."

"So, someone was using the controlled burns that you and your crew were arranging as a way of making a political statement?" Vivian asked her eyes narrowing.

"I think so. I also think I know who it might be." Braxton added. "His name is Todd Hastings. He used to be a firefighter. He'd travel with my survey team as well as other crews. He was part of what's called a hotshot crew. These crews are highly trained and they travel from fire to fire instead of staying in a local area like the regular crews."

"So his presence at any of these fires over the years wouldn't be suspicious." Sam spoke up while holding the list of fires that Braxton had indicated were suspicious, the same list that Martin and Danny had focused on.

"That's right. But in 2001 he got caught in a firestorm, him and his whole crew, by the time rescue crews were able to get up on the ridge where they'd been caught, he and his brother, Jason, were the only survivors. Jason didn't live for long though, he was burned so badly and what they didn't amputate to try and stop the infection was so badly deformed by the blaze--" Braxton trailed off his eyes unfocused as he remembered that day.

"In the end it was the damage to his lungs from the searing heat that killed him. They filled up with fluid and essentially he drowned. Todd wasn't ever the same. He was always a bit of a wild man anyway but, once his little brother died, that was just the end of him. He never fought in another fire again but he'd show up at them and help out, usually trucking in supplies and stuff and always going on and on about bureaucracy and how they cut the funds and weren't properly supplying the teams."

"How is that two brothers ended up on the same team anyway, would that be something that wouldn't be allowed?" Elena asked.

"It can be real tough keeping track of those things, Agent Delgado. First off, Todd and Jason were both in an elite group of firefighters. There aren't a lot of hotshot crews out there and sometimes you take the personnel that are available. Furthermore, Jason and Todd weren't on the assigned crew that day; no one really knew why Jason was there as his crew was assigned to another location.

Took a while before that mystery was solved, seemed Todd and Jason had a little bet going as to who could outwork the other on the line and since neither would believe what anyone else told them about how the other had worked they fixed it so they were on the same line that day by browbeating and paying off another member of the team to switch off to Jason's team and Jason took his place on Todd's team." David Braxton stopped talking as his eyes widened and his face showed the shock as he realized who that person was.

"Mr. Braxton, what is it?" Vivian asked reaching out and laying her hand on the man's arm.

"Pierce, Jeff Pierce was that man." Braxton shook his head in disbelief. "That's why he does whatever Hastings tells him that's why he willingly sets those fires for Hastings, he's doing his penance; he's atoning for being the one who was saved while Jason died."

Present, Samantha's apartment:

The mournful tone of the Evanescence song faded away and Sam continued to stare out the window in sorrow. Sometimes this job didn't make any sense. One man was mourning the loss of his brother, crying out for help and nobody saw it. Nobody saw his agony, his hurt, his despair, and he was so driven by his grief and pain that he turned his back on all that he believed in, all he'd committed his life to and now was doing the very thing that he'd trained and worked so hard to fight; it made no sense.

Further adding to the confusing emotions was the fact that, when the Montana field office was contacted and with the help of the state police descended upon Hastings' house and arrested him, he actually watched them drive up to his house from where he sat on his front porch, as if waiting for them. When the cars pulled into his driveway, he walked right up to them and held out his hands to be cuffed. So much destruction, so much pain and in the end, he surrendered without anymore animosity, he'd given up.

Not that Samantha and the others weren't relieved that there wasn't anymore violence and it seemed that after all those years of rage he just wanted it to be done. The man that presented himself calmly was a broken, sorrowful man. He accepted the inevitability of it all and instead of raging on he surrendered.

By the time that news reached NYC it was already after 7:00 p.m. Elena left shortly after that having extracted a promise from Vivian and Sam that they would notify her as soon as anything was heard about Danny and Martin. Another hour had gone by with still no word other than Jack phoning to say that he had arrived in Monticello and met some guy named Mike and was being driven to base camp as they were speaking.

He congratulated them on being able to narrow down the information and track down Hastings and was relieved to hear that Hastings was in custody; at least he'd be able to give Victor that piece of news. Sam and Vivian had shared small sad smiles, both women relieved not to have had to shoulder that burden but also very much aware of the agony that was being felt by others outside their little circle of agents.

By the time 8:30 rolled around Vivian insisted Samantha head home for the night; they'd done all they could and more. The Montana office had been incredibly grateful for the assist and had lightly teased that perhaps the missing persons unit would be able to help the ATF units solve more arson cases since they'd been so quick to find the link. Vivian accepted the compliment but reminded the Montana office that they'd had David Braxton helping them and, if it wasn't for his work over the past several months of even linking those fires together, they wouldn't have gotten this far.

As soon as Vivian had disconnected she mentioned it to Sam and they both realized that, if it wasn't for David Braxton's work at linking the fires together in the first place, he'd never have been the victim of a kidnapping which brought them all to this place now anyway. Both women struggled with that logic or lack of logic as they headed home for the night, there was nothing more to be gained sitting at the office. Jack would call their cell phones with any news..

Walking away from her window Sam went to the kitchen and cleaned up her assortment of dishes from her supper of eggs, toast and salad; perhaps not the best of meals but it was all she could do to swallow each bite from it.

As she got ready for bed and then settled under the covers with the light off she wondered first how things could get so complicated and then chided herself as she remembered she used to be the one who said she wanted complicated even liked complicated messy things. That Sam was so naïve, so inexperienced and so caught up in foolish romance and lustful youth and optimism that this Sam hardly recognized her anymore.

Then the next thought that assaulted her was how connected so many things were, if Todd and Jason Hastings hadn't bet each other who could outwork the other, hadn't forced another team member to switch teams would they have both survived the fire? And if so, would that mean that the six arson cases Braxton had come across would never have happened?

If those cases hadn't happened, likely Braxton would never have been kidnapped and Danny and Martin wouldn't have ever gone to Utah and --- and I wouldn't have had time away from Martin and time with Vivian and Elena to figure out my head and realize what an idiot I have been but then again, Sam thought. The boys wouldn't be missing and I wouldn't be lying here tonight wondering if I'll ever get the chance to say, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Sam lay awake the whole night trying to untangle the simple and the complicated and found no easy answers.

Missing:

Please, please forgive me, But I won't be home again. I know what you do to yourself, I breathe deep and cry out, "Isn't something missing? Isn't someone missing me?" Even though I'm the sacrifice, You won't try for me, not now. Though I'd die to know you love me, I'm all alone. Isn't someone missing me? And if I bleed, I'll bleed, Knowing you don't care. And if I sleep just to dream of you I'll wake without you there, Isn't something missing?

Evanescence: Anywhere But Home, 2004

Chapter 14:

Broken:

I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away... I keep your photograph and I know it serves me well I wanna hold you high and steal your pain. 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away You gone away, you don't feel me here, anymore

Seether, Disclaimer, 2002

It was late by the time Jack finally arrived at base camp. He'd had a chance to converse with the team back in New York and was glad to hear the man behind the fires had been caught but that still meant Jeff Pierce was on the loose. With the Utah and Colorado teams combined with each state's police force shutting down possible avenues of escape Pierce wasn't Jack's concern; he was focused on finding his agents.

He'd had a couple of conversations with Victor Fitzgerald during his flight, as well as on the drive up to base camp and each time he could hear the controlled yet evident concern. He was a bit surprised to learn that Victor had taken the time to contact Silvia Alvarez, Danny's sister-in-law, to relay his concern for Danny and to assure her that the Bureau was doing everything possible.

Jack and Victor had certainly had a rocky professional relationship over the years but once Jack realized that Victor truly did care for his son and Victor realized that Jack for all his free swinging tendencies as an agent wasn't out to hurt his son's reputation or use Martin for his own gains, the two men had settled into a cordial, professional relationship; it was never friendly but the open hostilities had abated.

The time when Martin had been shot and nearly killed had shaken Victor to the core and Jack as well - not that he'd ever admit that to anyone--and the two had added another layer to their relationship. At least this time, Jack thought, Victor didn't blame him for Martin's disappearance and while it was obvious the man wanted to join in the search he knew his place was in D.C. where no doubt he was trying to wrest a satellite to hone in on the area and assist with the search.

Jack knew that would never happen, Victor had ties but not that kind.

Jack stopped his musing as he realized that Mike, the 'trusted man' Grenz had sent to pick him up, was stopping the truck. Looking through the windshield Jack took in the lights shining from the gas powered generators and saw several vehicles and many tents, large and small, set up in a cleared area. Getting out of the truck Jack pulled the hood of his jacket over his head to keep out the chilly drizzle that continued to fall and leaned back in to grab his 'ready bag.'

Following Mike he ducked under the tent flap and entered the command center of base camp. His eyes swept the interior, noting the maps, the electronics and the presence of half a dozen personnel on phones or poring over maps on a nearby table. A tall, muscular man with graying around the temples and three-day old stubble that was speckled with some gray approached and extended his hand.

"Emmett Grenz, you must be Supervisory Special Agent Jack Malone."

Jack returned the strong grip, "It's Jack if it's all the same to you."

"Good, around here things change fast and, if anyone has to spout that moniker more than once, you'd likely be left behind." The twinkle in the man's bloodshot eyes told Jack plenty; this was his kind of guy.

"So, if things change so fast around here, any chance my agents are found and as we speak be transported down off the mountainside?" Jack knew that was unlikely but he wanted to let Grenz know right away that he was ready to get down to business.

"No such luck. The drizzle that greeted you at the airport and then again all the way over here combined with the wind earlier today and the fog has kept all aerial maneuvers grounded today. Other than a few reconnaissance planes that were able to scout the fire, we weren't able to do anything via air.

Good news however, the latest Doppler radar shows this front passing through overnight and we'll be airborne in the morning. I have choppers standing by that will be in the air as soon as conditions allow which should be just after dawn.

I've had crews working to clear a road of sorts so that some of our vehicles can get up to the last known whereabouts of your agents. We'll head out at first light, until then I've got a tent setup for you. It's the same tent your agents used when they got here and Mike put their bags that they brought with them in the tent before he left to pick you up. We outfitted them in new gear for being on the mountain so their personal stuff is still here."

"I take it there's really nothing to be done tonight?" Jack asked frustrated at the inability to get right into work mode.

"Unfortunately Jack, the best thing for right now is to go get what rest you can and we'll start at dawn. The weather and the dark are still against us and there just isn't anyway around that."

"Right. I guess I'll go make myself comfortable." With that Mike escorted Jack out of the tent and gave him a quick tour showing him the various facilities, managed to sneak him a sandwich from the mess tent and then left him at the tent that was assigned to him for the night.

Hours later Jack still lay awake on the canvas cot his mind on his missing agents and wondering what tomorrow would bring. As the rain continued to beat a monotonous tone on the ceiling of his tent he wrapped himself tighter in the heavy blanket and wondered how Martin and Danny were faring this the second night of their disappearance, and as the night wore on and Jack caught snatches of sleep his mind never straying from his concern for his agents nor his rock solid certainty that they were, in fact, still alive.

+++++++++++++++

The next morning Danny and Martin woke at the same time, actually, neither had slept much; mostly they just huddled miserably on the cold ground, backs pressed to the cold rock with their shelter acting both as weather break and blanket. They were cold, tired, hungry, achy and thirsty and most of all eager to put an end to this their latest assignment and not only leave this particular mountain, but the state that it stood in.

Daring to peer out from behind their meager weather break they were encouraged to see the transformation that had been wrought overnight. While the sun had yet to fully emerge from beneath the horizon the sky was lightening and they could see that the it looked to be devoid of clouds, the rain had stopped and there didn't appear to be any fog or mist developing.

Emerging from beneath their protective rock they both stood and slowly stretched and straightened stiff and protesting joints and limbs neither giving voice to their usual teasing banter as both felt wretched.

"Well, I've got some trail mix that I'll trade you for." Danny offered after he and Martin had complete their morning 'personal routine.'

"All right." Martin agreed and dug into his jacket pocket. "Let's see, yep, here you go." And the two men tossed the bags in the air each catching the other.

"Great. Trail mix." Danny commented as he pulled open the bag and started to munch on the contents.

"Mm-mm good." Martin agreed.

The two men stood and crunched the contents of their bags until they had swallowed every last morsel.

"Sure wish we'd had something to catch some more of that rain in." Martin said after swallowing the last of his peanuts.

"I agree." Danny said as he tried to work some moisture back into his mouth.

"Well, I'm all fueled up, what say we hike out of here." Martin eyed Danny who lifted his eyebrows back at him in agreement and then they both looked all around them surveying their choices.

"What do think, Martin, maybe--uh, down?"

"Down is good. I like the idea of down."

Both men began their slow journey down the mountain, each step a painful reminder since their feet had nice blisters at their heels and Danny had a doozy of one, he just knew it, on the top of his little toe on his left foot.

As the sun slowly rose above the horizon two lone figures stumbled and limped slowly down the terrain, from above they were barely visible as their ash covered, mud covered gear blended into the ashy gray surface over which they trod.

About an hour later, and barely a mile of stumbling over hidden stumps and rocks that the two men heard the faint yet unmistakable thump, thump, thump of a helicopter. Well aware that they were filthy and likely to blend into the terrain they grabbed their signal mirrors still safely stowed in their jacket pockets and caught the rising sun's rays and reflected them back into the sky.

As they stood there desperately signaling for help the steady thrumming of the helicopter continued closer and closer until finally it appeared and headed straight towards them. The chopper came closer until it was above them, hovered briefly before it moved off to a distance and came lower to the ground, finally a man appeared off the side of the chopper and within seconds he had rappelled to the ground, a heavy pack on his back.

The chopper moved away as the figure on the ground signaled and then it hovered while Martin and Danny slowly made their way to the newcomer who quickly moved towards them.

"Are you Agents Fitzgerald and Taylor?"

"I'm Danny Taylor and this is my partner, Martin Fitzgerald."

"We've got a whole camp full of people who are going to be glad about that."

Their 'rescuer' quickly radioed to the waiting chopper that they had indeed found the two agents and the chopper responded in a message neither Martin nor Danny caught but they watched as it quickly dipped down and then disappeared down the hillside.

"He's headed down to direct the rest of the search party our way. We can't land a chopper here, too much debris and we can't get a vehicle up this far so we've got to make our way down about another mile to where we can get a vehicle to transport you the rest of the way down."

Their new 'friend' came with supplies, he was a medic and he brought food and more importantly water. While cleaning their feet and bandaging them and checking to ensure they had no other injuries or ailments they consumed a quart each of water and slowly munched some peanut butter sandwiches and apples that he had brought with him.

By the time it took for them to eat and drink and have their feet tended a half an hour had passed and they had only gotten underway for about 15 minutes when their rescuer's radio crackled and both agents heard the familiar voice of Emmett Grenz growling across the airwaves.

"Jim, it's Grenz, we're probably less than a quarter of a mile from your known position, hold there and we'll meet up and help you get those two down."

"Roger that."

Gratefully Danny and Martin folded themselves back down onto the ground and waited. In less than 15 minutes they saw a group of figures trudging up the hill towards them. Shielding their eyes against the sun that was directly in front of them and still slowly ascending into the sky Martin and Danny grinned as they made out the familiar figure of none other than Jack Malone struggling through the ashy terrain.

When he appeared to trip over an unseen rock or stump or branch, both men stifled chuckles and quickly looked down pretending not to notice, wouldn't do to tick him off just when he'd brought them food and water and could still very well leave them behind as he was likely now to count them as his two most expensive and notoriously troublesome agents.

Later that afternoon, Base Camp

After the rescue from the mountain, some well-deserved showers, shaves, food and water and a more in-depth physical exam both men were pronounced none the worse for their ordeal and while they were more than a little footsore, that would pass with time and both agents were only too happy to return their 'borrowed' yet life-saving gear and don their personal clothing, especially their own broken in boots.

Danny had been given the use of one phone to call Elena and Martin another to call his father and both recipients were not only greatly relieved to hear their loved ones' voices but readily offered to spread the word that both men were alive and well and would be returning with Jack the next day.

As for Jeff Pierce, he'd finally been located trying to cross into Arizona on Interstate 191. Martin and Danny were shown his picture and readily identified him as their 'guide' who had led them astray and into the path of the inferno and since Hastings was already in custody and seemingly drained of all his hatred, broken and dispirited the case was going to be relatively easy to prosecute although Martin and Danny's presence would be required when, and if, it went to trial.

As it was they gave their statements to the local agents and along with Jack drove away from the mountain before dusk that evening, chauffeured once again by the able and trusted Mike to the Monticello airport where, through the efforts of Victor, no doubt, a plane would be waiting to transport all three agents across the country over the nighttime hours.

Two days later: Martin's apartment.

Martin was at home reading a book and enjoying a couple of days' down time that both he and Jack agreed was well-deserved. The knock on his door surprised him; he hadn't been expecting anyone. Swinging his feet to the floor and standing up he walked to the door and peered out the peephole and saw Samantha.

Stepping backwards he quickly unchained and unlocked the door and swung it wide.

"Hi, this is a surprise." She gave him a small smile but looked him square in the eye, something he'd noticed she didn't do anymore, usually her eyes just slid across his face; they didn't settle and hold his gaze like before.

He stepped back and indicated for her to come in.

"Yeah, I - I decided not to call because I was afraid that, if I did, either you would tell me not to bother or that I might hear something in your voice and misinterpret it and then scare myself out of coming here." Sam babbled the words rapidly as she entered Martin's apartment.

"Okay. Do you want something to drink?" Martin closed the door behind her and gestured for her to take a seat.

"Yeah, water would be great, thanks." She gratefully took off her coat and then settled into a chair, her coat folded across her lap.

Martin returned from the kitchen with a glass of water and then he sat in another chair facing her.

She took a sip of water stalling more than anything and watched as he just looked at her, curious but nothing more.

"I wanted to come by to first of all tell you how glad I am that you're all right." Sam started with something easy hoping the jitters she felt would calm a bit as she got going.

"Well, thanks, I appreciate that but you already told me that over the phone."

"I know. I wanted to say it in person. I also wanted to tell you that I've been doing a lot of thinking while you were gone and I've made some decisions about my life and who I am and what I want and who I want." Sam emphasized the last 'who' and looked him deeply in the eye hoping to see some reaction from him but there wasn't any; it was as if he was nothing more than curious and not part of this discussion.

"Okay. Well, that's good. I guess now that you have a baby coming it's probably good that you get some things settle---why are you telling me this?"

"Martin, I'm telling you this because I realized, finally realized what I've wanted all along but hadn't admitted to myself was everything that you offer and what you and I should have had before if I had been less afraid of what everyone else would think."

Sam stood up needing to walk around a bit as if by the very nature of physical movement she could demonstrate the emotional movement she'd gone through recently.

"When you said what you said to me that night in the office after the whole Lamaze thing, I was hurt. I was hurt and I was angry and I blamed you for being stuck on yourself and shallow and--and the truth is that I was the one that was stuck on herself and shallow and foolish and living a fantasy make believe something, I'm not sure what to call it."

Sam stopped her pacing and stared at Martin, he was looking at her intently as if weighing the conviction of her words. She turned slightly as she gathered her thoughts again and her gaze swept across his desk, there was a picture of her in the center of the back of the desk. It was a picture of her sitting on the step of her building looking down the street. It was a picture that at the time she hadn't known he had taken as he'd gone out for a run and had come back, seen her sitting there and used his phone to snap the picture and then downloaded it.

It was an unguarded moment and she used to hate the picture although Martin loved it. He said it captured all of her that he loved, her vulnerability, her poise, her softness. He said when he looked at that picture, he saw sorrow yet contentment, vulnerability yet steadfast strength as she was looking forward, outward not down or defeated. The fact that she had no make up on and her hair was a tangle in the wind only added to the dimensions that he liked as he said there was no mask, no fakery there, just the bare essence of a person whose spirit is swirling and in turmoil but she sits still with grace and poise amidst the storm.

She'd laughed at him and called him a hopeless romantic and had made him promise to hide the picture and after that whenever she'd come to his apartment although she looked, it was nowhere to be found. She smiled sadly as she walked to the picture and gently touched the simple, delicate frame that it rested in. He must have decided that, since they were no longer together, he could do what he wanted with the picture.

She felt tears sting her eyes as she realized that of all the things he could have done with the photo, he'd kept it, in fact, he willingly displayed it where he could look at it daily. He placed it in the most visible place on the desk where he could purposely avoid looking at it if he chose but where it would easily be seen whenever someone walked into the room whether from the door because they had to walk behind it to hang up their coat, or from the kitchen, or from the hallway that led to the bedroom, this picture was in the most visible spot in the apartment.

As she turned back to Martin she noticed something that she'd never seen before and that looked strangely out of place in Martin's apartment, a watercolor painting. It was not matted and framed nor hung; it simply leaned against the wall at the back of the desk behind the lamp. The colors were pastel and light and airy, the setting was a park with ducks and water and the silhouettes of a man and a woman and a dog strolling along as an artist painted them.

It was simple and bright and Sam felt herself smiling without even thinking about it. She wondered what had possessed Martin to bring this into his home since, while he wasn't an art snob by any means, it just was so--so not Martin.

Curious about the painting but wanting to finish her talk with Martin more she turned to face him only to realize that he was standing right behind her watching her. As she looked into his deep blue eyes she saw the tenderness there that he'd used to have in those eyes when he gazed at her and she felt a flush of warmth in her belly. She knew her eyes at that moment were reflecting the same depth of feeling back to him.

He took her hands and held them gently as he looked into her eyes and this time she didn't look away; she wasn't afraid.

"Sam, I don't know how to say this without being insulting or---I don't know. But, I know that sometimes--we both know that, when times are urgent or we think the worst or there's a crisis, that people don't necessarily think or feel or understand---"

Sam shook her head. "I think you're about to say that the reason I'm here saying these things is because you were lost and no one knew where you were or if you were all right, right?"

He nodded relieved to see she wasn't angry.

"Martin, it's important that you know that I realized what a fool I'd been and how cruel I'd been before the news came that you and Danny were lost. Yeah, when you left I was angry, but then Elena and I had a real talk, a real girl talk and I started thinking about some things and, Vivian helped me see some things as well about myself, things I wasn't very proud of. I did a lot of thinking while you were gone.

When the word came that you and Danny were missing, I had already handed Jack my transfer papers so that you and I would be in different divisions and not complicate our relationship. Elena and Vivian and I were at a celebratory lunch celebrating that finally I knew who and what I needed and I was thanking them for kicking some sense into my thick head. You see, I knew that you were the man I want; the man I need; the man I am willing and ready to fight for before I heard that you were in danger."

"Sam, I -I don't know what to say to you; it's just that--"

"What, it's just what?" She was confused, the look in his eyes was of caring and concern and there was a warmth there as well but there was--sadness? What? It hit her as she watched his eyes focus on something just behind her and she turned and then she saw it, the painting, the painting of the man and the woman in the park. She looked at it more closely and noticed that although the rendering of the figures allowed for many interpretations. The hair on the woman had a soft hue of red, the length was to the shoulder and the woman was tall, almost as tall as the man.

Turning back to Martin she saw that he had followed her gaze and as she looked at him and saw the gentle smile on his lips and the lightness in his eyes and -and perhaps something more she knew. Sam knew at that moment as only a woman can know that there was someone else.

She stepped closer to the desk, reached forward and gently lifted the painting from its place and held it in front of her studying it. She turned and looked at Martin and saw him watching her. Still looking at him and knowing there would be something there, she turned the painting over and looked at the back, there written in ink was an inscription: Martin, a memory of our day in the park. Hope you enjoy the memory as much as I. Holly

Tears stung her eyes as she held the painting and absorbed the meaning behind those words. Gently setting the painting back in its former place she turned back to Martin and reached up to touch his cheek. He leaned slightly into the softness of her hand and she smiled at him in sadness at what could have been and should have been.

Leaning forward Martin gently kissed her on her forehead, the kiss a promise of friendship and a promise that no matter what he'd always be there for her. Then he stepped away, went to the chair she had been sitting in and picked up her coat. Sam followed him and waited as he held her coat out for her and then assisted her in putting it on.

They walked the few paces to his door, he opened it for her, she stepped through it, turned to look at him and he was looking at her. She smiled and lifted her hand in a wave and he returned the gesture and then as she looked down he closed the door. She stood there listening as the locks clicked into place. She stood there for several minutes unable to will herself to move down the hallway.

On the other side of the door Martin stood silently, his hand and head pressed against the door listening for Sam's footsteps.

Broken:

The worst is over now And we can breathe again I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away There's so much left to learn And no one left to fight I wanna hold you high and steal your pain 'Cause I'm broken when I'm open And I don't feel like I am strong enough 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone away 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome And I don't feel right when you're gone... You gone away, you don't feel me here anymore

Seether: Disclaimer, 2002

End

December 2007

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