Alcohol and Pooping Reindeer

by Sue M.

Summary: Sobriety...not!

Characters: JD, Seven

Disclaimer: Just playing. I know I can't keep `em but if I could they'd be on season 10 by now!

Thanks to Phyllis and Antoinette for the beta.

Thanks to Sarah for LV/AU


Hospitality Host, Buck Wilmington blinked hard, unsure of what he was seeing. Nope...he wasn't going crazy, that was JD...slap bang in the middle of the foyer's Christmas scene display, crouching down just to the rear of one side of Santa's reindeer. Realizing the young tech was about to take out the Christmas tree as JD swayed to his feet, Buck raced in, grabbing the youth before he could do any damage.

"Whoa there, li'l bro...whatcha doin' to ol' Rudolph, huh?"

JD stared hard at the face in front of him, seemingly trying to focus.

"BUCK!" he yelled. "BUCK, i'ssss YOU!"

Wilmington glanced around at the people staring at the bellowing youth and grinned back, leaning into JD and whispering. "Stop shouting, kid...people are staring."

"THEY ARE?" JD looked at them, waving. "HELLOOOO!"

Buck grabbed the youth's cheeks in his large hand, squishing them together as he sniffed at JD's breath and looked into his eyes. JD giggled.

"Jesus H Christ...have you been drinking? You're on duty, JD, Chris is gonna kill you!"

"Oohh...noooo...don' t wannnnt ta beeee killed...we...we won-nnt tell 'im."

Hoisting the smaller man over the small fence around the display, Buck held him close and half-walked, half-carried his friend over to a quiet corner. He propped him against a wall and attempted to get JD's attention.

"Kid...listen to me, this is real important...where did you get a drink?"

JD frowned whilst trying desperately not to slide down the wall. "I...I ooonly had, ogg negg..."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Buck had to smile. "You've had one eggnog...just one? Where?"

JD pointed. "Th...there...innnn the Aaalchyhonics Nnnnonymusss Conve-hen- tion."

Buck paled. "Oh shit." He spoke into his comm. "Vin...get down to the foyer, pronto, and grab Nathan, Josiah and Ezra too, if you can."

He suddenly grabbed JD as he started to slide down the wall.

"Oh, no...stay with me, son...don't fade on me yet."

"Jusssst wanna sssssiddownnnn. "

"I know, I know. Hang in there, the guys are coming...Vin's coming..."

JD grabbed Buck's lapels. "Nnnot Chrissss..." He whispered, loudly, "He's gonna ki...kill me, ya know!"

Buck chuckled, "Don't panic, kid, I'm not gonna let him kill ya."

"Oh...good." With that, JD's head flopped onto Buck's shoulder and he passed out.

Buck was relieved to see four men approaching. Nathan instantly lifted JD's head to get a look at him.

"What's happened, Buck?"

"He's drunk."

Vin looked surprised. "JD...and on duty?"

Buck passed JD to Josiah and Ezra. "We need to check something out. He said he'd had one eggnog at the Alcoholics Anonymous Convention."

Ezra frowned. "But they would not be serving..."

"Exactly." Buck agreed.

Nathan took JD from Ezra. "You three, go, we'll take JD."

"Take him in the service elevator to my office and put him on the couch."

All five spun round to see Chris standing there. Buck went into defensive mode.

"Now, stud..."

Chris waved a hand. "Save it, Buck. I know he wouldn't drink on duty. I'm more concerned about taking care of him and getting in that convention hall to check out the drinks."

With that, they all separated. Josiah hoisted the unconscious youth over his shoulder and he and Nathan headed for the service elevator, while the others headed for the AA Convention.


Josiah lay JD carefully down on Chris' couch, ignoring the staff in the monitor room occasionally standing to see what was going on. Nathan pointed as he positioned the youth more comfortably. "Josiah, in the back room...there's an ice bag. Fill it from Chris' ice- box, would you please?"

Sanchez nodded and left them. Nathan checked JD's eyes with his light pen, mumbling to himself. Josiah returned and handed over the filled ice bag which Nathan placed on JD's neck, then his head.

"He's a might warm, and I reckon he's going to have a killer headache when he comes around."

"I brought this." Josiah held out a small bowl, and as if JD subconsciously heard him, the young tech moaned and Josiah just got the bowl under him before JD began emptying his stomach.

"Aww, hell, son."

Jackson nodded. "Trust me, it's better this way."


Chris, Vin, Buck and Ezra were approached as they walked into the convention hall.

"Welcome...welcome, gentlemen. 'You know you're on your way, when you come to AA'. My name's Brian."

Chris nodded. "Name's Larabee...head of security. We don't want to start a panic, but we need to check out your eggnog."

The host frowned. "Why? I made it myself. In fact, one of your charming young colleagues enjoyed a rather large sample I offered him, I didn't think you'd mind, seeing as it's only milk and eggs and nutmeg."

Vin answered. "Yes sir, that may be what you believed, but we think it might have been tampered with."

Brian gasped and spun around, observing the people in the room. "Oh my...I *thought* everyone was a little too happy...oh, my, my!"

Ezra was sampling the eggnog, shuddering as he looked back at the others.

"Dear Lord...I can taste whiskey, rum and a copious amount of vodka."

Buck whistled. "Holy shit!"

Brian paled. "Waaaaah! I'm gonna get sued!"

Chris grabbed the man's arms, the last thing he needed was a hysterical host, too.

"Get a grip!" He gestured to the *happy* room, "Do they look like they're going to admit they slipped off the wagon?" He turned sharply as Vin took off, to return with a struggling youth with several bottles of alcohol concealed under a large jacket.

"Damian! How could you?"

"You know him?" Vin growled.

Brian glowered. "He's my son!" With that, he hauled the young man off by his ear.

Larabee shook his head. "This place just gets crazier and crazier. I'm going to check on JD. Vin, Ezra, call in help to remove the eggnog and get some paramedics here on standby...just in case. Buck, you coming?" Chris was already walking, he knew Buck would follow.


JD groaned and moved restlessly on the couch. Josiah put a hand on his face.

"Well, hello there, John Daniel...good to see you back with us."

JD's voice was raspy as he tried to look at the head valet. "Where'd I go?"

Nathan chuckled. "You don't want to know, kid. Just how much eggnog did you have?"

Looking at Jackson like he had two heads, JD frowned. "Erm...oh, it was a big...*really* big glass, not one of those dainty little punch glasses, and I had to kinda 'knock it back', I was running a little late." JD frowned. "Y'know...he said it was non-alcoholic... but it tasted like shit. I swear there was something in there."

"Rum, whiskey and copious amounts of Vodka, to be exact," Chris quoted as he entered his office and squatted next to the youth. "How are you?"

JD squinted at him. "Don't ask. You gonna kill me now?"

Chris laughed. "Still thinking on it, I sure as hell ain't gonna give you a present, although..." he pulled out a hanky from his pocket and unwrapped it, biting back a grin as JD groaned.

"You wanna explain to me how a plastic Rudolph produced reindeer poo?"

Dunne pushed the ice bag harder onto his head. "I bought this little gadget, looks like a little reindeer, anyway, I was gonna gross out Vin. It produces chocolate drops out of its it's pooping. I was gonna eat 'em in front of him."

Buck cackled and soon the others were joining him.

"Where did you get them from?" JD asked, looking back and wincing at the movement as Vin and Ezra appeared, the former waving a DVD.

"When you're feeling up to it, kid...we'll show you."

They all laughed, JD groaned. "Aww hell, I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?"

Vin smiled and nodded. "Hell, yeah. That should stop the reindeer jokes you've been attacking us with."

Despite a throbbing headache, JD grinned. "I got another one."

"NO!" they all called out, collectively, yet no one moved, fully knowing what was coming next.

JD chuckled. "What do you call a reindeer wearing ear muffs? Anything you want because he can't hear you!"

He laughed and winced at the same time. The others groaned as Buck bent over to tap JD's face. "You're gonna pay for that, squirt!"

JD grinned, then frowned, as his head rebelled at the movement. "Oh don't you worry, bro...I already am!"



The Las Vegas Chronicles