Octogenarians Do it with a Bag!

Octogenarians Do it with a Bag! by Sue M

Category: Gen

Characters: JD, Buck

Summary: I want whatever she's taking!

Thanks to Sarah for LV/AU

The Las Vegas Chronicles

Standing outside the door to room 6101, JD and Buck looked at each other and shrugged. JD spoke into his comm.

"I'm here with Buck, Vin, but there's no sign of any peeping Tom." He knocked at the door.

Vin agreed. "The guy exiting the room two minutes ago might have been him, you'll have to ask."

Before JD could answer, the room door opened and a pair of hands yanked him inside. Alarmed, Buck hurriedly followed.

"Where have you guys been? The man hissed. "He just took off with my wife's diamond and sapphire tiara and my credit card…MOVE!"

Fully understanding why the man hadn't taken off after him, the two friends nodded and left to pursue the thief. "Need a direction, Vin," JD spoke as he and Buck headed for the elevator.

"He's on the stairwell and heading down, standby…"

Diving into an open car, Buck and JD waited patiently as the elevator descended. Vin's voice crackled over the comm.

"He's going toward the kitchens."

"On it," JD confirmed as the car stopped and they rushed out. "Send someone to room 6101, tell them to get a statement from the guy in the ballet slippers and hot pink tutu."

"Believe it, man." Buck added as Vin's dead air confirmed the Texan's surprise.

"Yeah, but...hot pink? Tell JD he's been hanging around Ezra too much this week," Vin chuckled.

"I resent that statement," Ezra cut in, "I would never describe anything using the words 'hot pink'."

"Casey has underwe…uh…a shirt that color." JD quickly switched his information, silently cursing himself when, judging by the grin on Buck's face, the big guy was not going to let that one slip by any time soon.

"At the kitchens now." He and Buck burst through the doors and scanned the room. They observed a path of scattered utensils and disheveled staff.

"There!" Buck pointed and the pair took off after the fast disappearing thief. "Could use some help!" the hospitality host puffed out.

"We have a visual, there's a team heading for the exit to the alley, but if he heads for the dining…"

"Heading for the dining room." JD's words cut Vin off, even as the Texan could see the felon's change of direction.

"Shoot, no…not in there!" Vin cursed. "On my way!" He confirmed.


Hank Butler thought he'd gotten away with it. He'd been watching the occupants of that room for two days, only to find out they weren't rich, just kinky. He hoped the tiara was at least genuine, and he could sell the card on easily. His lungs heaved as he pushed into one of the dining rooms off the main kitchen. He had to shake off these guys chasing him. Man they were fast.

Inside the dining room he stopped dead and stared at the ten or so little old ladies enjoying, lunch and who had stopped eating to look back at him. When Buck and JD burst in behind him, Butler pulled out a kitchen knife that he'd managed to snatch up on his recent and urgent travels, and waved it at the pair.

"Stay back…I *will* use this." He wielded it toward the now startled ladies to endorse his threat. "If anyone else comes in here after me…I'm just gonna go for it."

Knowing the security team could hear them, Buck held up his hands and took a step forward. "Now just hold on, okay? No one wants to see anyone here get hurt."

Hank thrust the knife toward Buck. "I said, BACK OFF!"

Alarmed at the close proximity of the weapon to Buck, JD stepped in to distract the man. "Hey, fella, you and I both know you can't get out of here this way, so put the knife down."

Hank took a wild swipe at JD, tearing the material of his shirt. "Are you deaf…or just stupid? Back off!"

Buck hastily pulled JD back toward him and scrutinized the boy. "Are you hurt?"

JD shook his head as he looked down at the tear. "Nah. Oh man, Casey bought me this."

Buck whispered in his ear as he withdrew them to a safer position. "Perhaps she'll buy you another one, in hot pink."

If the situation wasn't so dire, JD would never have let that comment go; but now was not the time. Both men looked concerned as one of the old ladies got out of her seat and walked their way. Hank spun toward her as JD's anxious voice sounded.

"Oh nuts! Ma'am…go back and sit down, please."

>>"JD…Buck…what the hell's happening in there?"<<

"We have a little situation, Chris…standby." Buck hissed into his mic.

>>"Buck, report!"<<

"St-ud, I said, standby."


Maura Fadden was eighty - and furious. She and her fellow octogenarians decided to come to the Montecito and celebrate another year of their lives and this jerkass was not about to ruin their day for them.

"You heard the kid…sit down." Butler warned, while waving the knife at her. Hank suddenly screamed out. Dropping the knife, he doubled over and covered his face with his hands.

>>"REPORT!" << Chris urged.

JD was chuckling. "This little old lady here just sprayed perfume in the thief's face…and…and…hahahahaha…now she's…hahahahaha..." He leaned on Buck for support.


"Oh man," Buck laughed as he took over the narrative. "Now she's hitting him to the floor with this big ole red purse of hers…his head…ooh…heeheehee his body…hahahahaha...his...! Ooh, man...that's gotta hurt! Hahahahaha!"

In the corridor outside the dining room, Chris looked at Vin in astonishment as he heard two of his team ooh, aww, and cackle from inside. With a nod, the pair decided to go in.


JD and Buck quickly swiped at their eyes as they hauled a battered Butler to his feet. Chris glanced first at them, and then to the little old ladies, who were now all seated and quietly supping on their soups. Handing Hank over to other security guards, Buck and JD approached their frustrated Boss, and a grinning Vin. Larabee pointed to JD's stomach and at a thin line of blood on his shirt.


"Go get that checked out and change into a fresh shirt; then I want to see both of you in my office. Understood?"

Buck and JD nodded, JD frowned as he looked down at his bloodied shirt. "Damn…I guess he caught me after all."

Buck peered at it. "Not much more than a scratch. Come on…let's go see Nathan."


In his office, Chris was seated in a high-backed leather chair behind his desk. "What I heard over the comm today was unprofessional."

JD bowed his head. "Yessir."

Buck just stared at him. "Lost your sense of humor there, Pard?"

"Don't turn this around on me, Buck. The guy had a knife and you had a roomful of clients."

"But that's just it," JD chipped in, bravely, "the guy was on the floor being pounded by a little old lady whose only weapon was a red purse…" He cursed inwardly as the giggles overtook him when the mental images took over his mind. JD kept his head down, unable to make eye contact as he felt his body start to shake. He heard Buck laugh.

"Aww come on, Chris…you had to be there. We'd just left a guy in…" he chuckled, and glanced at JD, "…a hot pink tutu…before racing through a busy, steamy kitchen, full of staff who thought they were on the set of a Starsky and Hutch episode, to then see an armed and full-grown man get taken down by a little old lady half his size."

JD sputtered out a laugh and Buck caught Chris biting back a grin.

Larabee cleared his throat. "How's your stomach, JD?"

Absently placing a hand over the concealed dressing JD looked up when he realized Chris was addressing him personally. "It's fine, thanks. Like Buck said earlier, just a scratch."

Chris nodded. "Okay, I guess that's it. Reports on my desk ASAP. Now go get some coffee." Once the pair left the room, Chris snorted out a short laugh.


Heading for the break room, Buck nudged JD. "Sooo…hot pink undies, huh?"

JD rolled his eyes. "Casey was taking them out of the dryer, Buck, that's all. We're not…you know…not yet. Man, we've only dated properly twice." He flinched, waiting on more teasing, but was pleasantly surprised when an arm was draped affectionately around his shoulders.

"Good things should never be rushed," Buck smiled. "Come on…I reckon we owe a rather special old lady and her friends a little more than a cup of coffee, huh Squirt?"

JD chuckled. "Yeah. Maybe we could get them some tickets for a show."

Buck nodded his approval. "But not the boxing, huh?"

JD's mind flipped back to the image of the man in the hot pink tutu. "Maybe we could skip the ballet, too."

It took a moment for Buck to catch on, before both men laughed and then went in search of their 'bag lady'.

What a day already, and they still had eight hours to go!

The End