Sitting
at his desk in the office, ATF agent Buck Wilmington rocked back in
his chair as he stared at his computer. "A fatal error has
occurred!" he gasped.
"What?"
JD glanced up from his own desk.
"Oh
my god!" Buck breathed out. "My computer's dying!" He
shook his head as he stared at his monitor.
"Your
computer isn't dying, Buck," JD said, as he got up and walked
around to Buck's desk.
"Your
computer just can't take it anymore," Vin told him, smirking.
"See!"
Buck pointed at his screen as he looked up at JD and then back down.
"It's dying! 'A fatal error had occurred'," he read the
words. "A *fatal* error!"
"That
sounds so... mortally ominous." Ezra shook his head sadly and
then winked over at Vin.
"Yeah."
Vin sighed, swallowing hard. "A fatal error. There ain't no
coming back from that. That's all she wrote, folks."
"Where's
Mr. Jackson when you need him?" Ezra asked morosely.
Vin
chuckled and then cried out, "Clear!"
"If
Mr. Sanchez were here he could give the poor machine its last
rites," Ezra said.
"Or..."
Vin grinned evilly. "It's last *bytes.*" He chortled.
Ezra
rocked back in his chair, laughing loudly.
Vin
grinned and shrugged. "If Chris was here he could shoot it for
ya," he told Buck helpfully.
"It's
not funny, you guys," Buck hissed at them.
Vin
and Ezra just laughed louder.
Buck
glared. "This is no time for jokes! I think my computer just
committed suicide."
Ezra
snorted.
"If
I had you breathing on me all day long I'd suicide too!" Vin
told him.
"'Suicide'
is not a verb, Mr. Tanner. You can 'commit' suicide, but you cannot
'suicide'," Ezra informed him.
"Sure
you can," Vin defended. "I know I've heard that before.
Hold on, let me get my dictionary."
"Mr.
Dunne used it to make paper airplanes," Ezra reminded him.
"Oh
yeah." Vin looked perplexed. "Well, I'm almost positive
you can suicide."
"You
can murder someone, but you can't suicide someone," Ezra told him.
"Well,
of course not, Ez. 'Cause you wouldn't be suicidin' someone else,
you'd be suicidin' yourself. Can't suicide someone else 'cause then
it *would* be murder," Vin explained to him.
Ezra
huffed out a disgusted breath. "Now, hold on a minute Mr. Tanner-"
"Shut.
Up!" JD yelled as he stared at the two agents like they were
aliens. He threw his hands down in disgust.
Buck
didn't pay them any mind. He was soothing his computer with soft
words as he patted the side of the monitor. "It's okay, baby.
Don't do this to old Buck. It'll be all right, honey..."
JD
rolled his eyes as he scooted Buck out of his seat. "Just let
me see." He dropped into the chair, his fingers already flying
over the keyboard.
Buck
hovered over JD, nervous as a new father. "Easy. Take it easy
with her."
"Her?"
JD looked up at him incredulously. "It's a computer, Buck."
"Well,
it's a special computer," Buck huffed out.
"Is
there something that you need to tell the rest of us, Mr.
Wilmington?" Ezra asked, his forehead wrinkled.
"Buck,
are you having a secret affair with your computer?" Vin tsked.
"There's
nothing 'secret' about it," JD huffed out under his breath as
he worked his magic on the machine.
Buck
sniffed, sounded like he was going to cry. "JD?"
JD
glanced up at Buck. Then he looked over to find Ezra and Vin
watching him with matching grins on their faces.
Vin
winked at him.
The
corners of JD's mouth turned up as he looked up into his roommate's
hopeful face. He quickly hid the grin and looked away, shaking his
head sadly. He stopped typing and slowly leaned back in the chair.
Glumly, he glanced up at Buck, his eyes moist. He let out a sigh,
holding his hands up in defeat. "There's... nothing... I can do,
Buck," his voice cracked.
"What?"
Buck squeaked.
"She's
gone," JD told him, hanging his head.
"What!"
Buck almost yelled.
JD
shook his head sadly. "It's a lost cause."
"No!
No way, JD! You can save her," Buck told him. "I know you
can." He grabbed JD by the arm and pulled him forward, pointing
at the monitor. "Fix her!"
Vin
guffawed and wiped his eyes. "Your 'puter done suicided,
Buck," he told him, his Texas drawl deep and twangy.
Ezra
snorted out a laugh.
Staring
at Buck, JD sighed and started in to slowly and patiently explain
the problem. "Your CPU had an error message in its default
directory, which resulted in hardwire corruption in the input/output,
which was due to a software malfunction in the alpha and beta section
of the memory."
"What??"
Buck stepped back, his hand over his heart.
JD
stared at him seriously, his face lined with sorrow.
"What
does that *mean*?" Buck's voice cracked.
"You
need more RAM," JD told him.
"I
need a Ram?" Buck shook his head, his brow furrowed. He ran his
thumb and index finger over his mustache. "I guess I could
borrow Chris'?" He looked hopeful.
Biting
down on his top lip, JD cocked his head. "Chris has extra RAM?"
"Chris'
Ram. His Ram. You know, his Ram!" Buck said, gesturing wildly.
"Oh!"
JD nodded. "His Ram."
"Yeah."
Buck let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding.
"Oh,
no, Buck," Vin told him. "That's not going to work. A
truck won't help your computer, now." He shrugged. "Unless
you want to run it over."
"I'm
not going to run my computer over!" Buck squeaked.
"I
guess he could use the vehicle to expedite his trip to Best Buy,
where he could a) buy a new computer or b) utilize the services of
the Geek Squad," Ezra said.
"JD
*is* our Geek Squad." Vin grinned inanely.
"Too
true," Ezra agreed.
JD
took pity on his roommate. "I'm just kidding, Buck. Your
computer's fine. A fatal error on a computer isn't fatal at all. In
fact it's a quite common occurrence."
"Among
idiots," Ezra added.
"Among
'novice users'," JD corrected.
"Buck's
not a 'novice user', JD," Vin said. "When it comes to
computers, Buck's writing the book: 'An Idiots Guide to Being an Idiot'."
Buck
turned on him. "Did you just call me an idiot, Tanner?"
Vin
held his hands up, all innocence. "Don't know where you got
that idea."
"Yeah...
well..." Buck harrumphed.
"Okay,
all done, Buck." JD jumped up from the chair and then pushed
Buck back into it. "She's all yours. All fixed. Good as new.
Yep, all... done."
Buck
glanced up at JD, his eyes narrowing.
JD
walked around the desks to plop down in his own chair. "I even
made some upgrades," he told Buck as he bobbed his eyebrows at
Vin and Ezra.
"You
did?" Buck asked, smiling.
"Oh
yeah," JD answered, hiding his evil grin. "Go ahead and
pull a window up."
As
soon as Buck moved his mouse there was a whirring sound and the disk
drive on his computer tower popped out. Buck stared down at it and
then looked over at JD expectantly. "What's that?"
The
corners of his mouth turned up, and JD told him happily, "That's
your new cup holder."
Ezra
and Vin snorted out laughs, as JD rocked back in his chair, grinning
like a loon.
"Cool!"
Buck cried out, grabbing for his coffee cup.
The End
