"Do
you ever wonder how Ezra can live with himself?" JD asked
softly in the semi-dark room. "I mean, he basically
betrays people for a living, you know?" He sighed in
consternation. "Not that this is the best time to talk about it.
But, I mean, he's an undercover agent. He makes friends with these
people, and then," JD shrugged apologetically, "he screws
them over."
"Oh,"
he backtracked, "I know they're bad guys, bad people. But,"
he sighed, "do you think it ever bothers Ezra? Keeps him up at
night? Makes him wonder about his place," he waved his hand in
front of him, "in life? I know he does it for a good cause, and
that should count for a lot, if not everything, but..." he sighed.
"Ezra
sits down to Thanksgiving Dinner with this family, and three days
later, he sends three of them to jail, and one to Hell." JD shuddered.
"He
can be one mean son of a-" he coughed slightly, looking abashed
as he shrugged sheepishly. "He acts like a... what's a good way
to say it? A dandy? Like the state of his clothes is more important
than the state of his health. And then... BAM! The next second he's
mowing down a gun runner with that little throw-away of his.
Ruthless, when he's protecting the rest of us, like our lives are
more important than his. More worthy. You know what I mean?"
"That's
what's been making me wonder about all this. That he does
think his life doesn't mean as much, maybe because of what he does
for a living. But it's all for good, right? And isn't that what's
important? Or should be. But does it bother him? I bet it does."
He
grinned slightly. "Heck, I know we all act like he's uncaring,
unfeeling." His eyebrows drew together. "But he's not!"
He said emphatically as he glanced up. "You know that,
right?" He pleaded. "He really is a good guy. A good
friend. He's-" he paused, deep in thought. "What if he's
doing that to us? Not betraying us, of course," he
defended. "Just... pretending like he's our friend."
"No."
JD shook his head. "He wouldn't do that." He
shrugged. "I hope."
After
a few moments of silence, he spoke again, "I hope he doesn't
think we would! Betray him, I mean."
"After
the whole FBI thing, you couldn't really blame him for thinking
that, could you? I mean, jeesh, he was betrayed by his best friend
for God's sakes." He ducked his head. "Sorry," he
whispered before continuing. "And then he was thrown to the
wolves by the rest of those bastards." He cringed even as his
hands clenched in fists. "I'd really like to get my hands on
them. I'd show them what friendship was all about!"
"But
that's in the past, right? And now he has us. And we're different.
We..." he cocked his head, deep in thought. After a moment, he
wilted. "Oh," he sighed, "we're not so different. Not
really. We've done it too." His shoulders slumped even deeper.
"Thought the worst of him. Made him 'prove' himself - time and again."
"Why
wouldn't he think that? That we'd betray him, turn on him. He
expects us to think the worst, do the worst, and then is surprised
when we don't."
He
smiled proudly. "You should have seen him today." Then he
dipped his head, grinning sheepishly. "You did see him, though,
huh? You were watching."
"Wasn't
he something? One moment, he's in character, sweet talking and
conning, and the next - Pow! There's shots and yelling and Ezra's
taking down one of the gunrunners even as he's knocking Chris to the
floor. That's Ezra - ruthless, and quick on his feet. Fast talking,
and fast thinking. I think I could learn a lot from him, if he'd let
me." JD sighed, a long, sad sound.
"I
sure wouldn't want Ezra to be on the bad side." He grinned
slightly. "He'd make a 'formidable' opponent, or so he would
say." He shook his head. "I'm damn glad he's on the good
side, on our side." JD took his eyes off Ezra's pale,
unconscious form, to look skyward. "And if You'd just let him
wake up, God, I'd tell him that. I'd make sure he knew."
The End
