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He's watchin' me again. Not so's anyone can see, but I ain't gotta see 'im. I can feel 'im. He's watchin' me the same as he's done for a month now. I know it. And, I know why he's watchin' me. I know what he wants.Me. He wants me. And, God help me, I'm gonna give 'im what he wants. I know it and he knows it. 'Cause I want him too.
It ain't the same kinda want, I got no misunderstandin about that. 'Cause he's everything I ever wanted. And, he's everything I ain't never gonna have.
Yeah, he's gonna get up in a minute and go over t'the boardin' house where he keeps a room. And, I'm gonna have another drink and then I'm gonna follow 'im. And, when he lets me in, we're gonna fuck ourselves silly. Or more accurate, he's gonna fuck me silly. 'Cause that's another thing I ain't got no misunderstandin' about. He's gonna fuck me and I'm gonna let 'im and I'm gonna hate myself for lettin' 'im. But, I'm still gonna let 'im. He knows it and I know it.
It's diff'ernt for him then it is for me. He don't even know why he wants me. I don't know why he wants me. Guess, it's just somethin' he's gotta work out, b'fore he moves on. He's got this hole in 'im and 'til it's filled, he ain't never gonna be able t'make the kinda life he really wants.
I got a hole in me too. What's diff'ernt, is that he's the only thing I'd ever need t'fill it. Hhhmph, reckon, he'll sure enough fill it later. I'll let 'im do any damned thing he wants. And, I'll take whatever he'll give me. 'Cause no mistake, he ain't gonna give me, but so much. I got no misunderstandin' about that either. One of these nights, I'm gonna surprise us both. He's gonna go to his room and I ain't gonna follow 'im. But, we both know, it ain't gonna be tonight.
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How long before he stops coming here? He'll come tonight. We both know it. He wants me enough to come, knowing that I can't - - I won't give him the things he gives me. And, we both know that sooner or later, he won't be able to settle for what I can bring myself to give him.
It ain't the same for us. I know it and he knows it. And, I hate myself for taking advantage of the way he wants me. I hate myself, but I can't help myself, 'cause lord knows the one thing that's true, is that for now, I want him more than I've wanted anyone but her.
It surprised the hell out of us both, that first night. I can still feel his hands on me and his mouth on me. And, God, help me, I want to feel them again. I just wish it wasn't his hands, or his mouth, or his body, I wanted.
He wants me too, I know that. But, we both know, that I won't give him the things he gives me. It's not the same for us. I ain't like that. I was married, for God's sake. If I did give him what he wants, it would be like a slap in her face. I won't do that.
If he wasn't a friend, - a friend hell, he's the best friend I ever had, including Buck. If he wasn't a friend ,it wouldn't matter. I'd just fuck him as long as he'd let me, and not give it another thought. But, he's a friend I want to keep, and I don't know how much longer he'll come here, and still be my friend. I've got to consider this.
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I'm standin' outside his door, tryin' t'get up the courage t'knock or t'leave. I can't make myself do neither one. I just stand there lookin' at that door, knowin' that everything I want and can't have, is behind it. I'm still tryin' to figure out what to do, when the door opens and he's standin' there.
He's standin' there, cool as you please, and he steps to one side and waits for me to come in. He's watchin' me again, only this time, I ain't gotta feel it. I can see them green eyes of his, glitterin' like a cat's. They're on me. My face, my hands, my body. He's sweepin' me up and down, with those eyes and I know, I'm gonna give him whatever the hell he wants from me, again. I close my eyes and almost, I find the courage to leave. Almost. My eyes open and just for a second, our eyes meet. He backs up another step and I go into his room.
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He's out there in the hall. I can hear him shifting from foot to foot. Probably trying to drag himself away from here. Away from me. I know he's getting closer to not coming here and I know it's my fault.
I open the door and he's there. We don't say anything, but I can see he's deciding. It's all there in his eyes. I can see everything he's feeling in them. I step back and watch him making up his mind, and he hesitates for what seems like hours. But, just for a second, our eyes meet and I see it all there. Everything he wants, and everything he knows I won't give him, and he eases past me into my room.
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God dammit, I hate myself for coming here again. Why the fuck can't I get it through my head, that he ain't never gonna want me like I want him? And, I know that's just it. I got it through my head, I just ain't strong enough to walk away. 'Cause like I said before, he's all I ever wanted. And, the little he gives me, is more than I ever had in my life.
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I gotta decide. It's tearing him up inside. I can see it in those eyes. Those goddamned, fucking, blue eyes, that tell all his secrets, if you know how to look. And, I do. I can see everything he tries to hide; the wanting, and the disappointment, and the hurt. I put it all there and I'm the only one who can take it away. I gotta decide.
I loved Sarah. I still love Sarah. But, she's gone and he's here and he gives me everything he's got. He loves me, I know it. I told myself it was just the sex for both of us and that's half true. Or it was half true. Now, I know, it ain't even partly true. I can't look in those damned eyes of his and lie to neither one of us anymore.
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I watch him close the door and lock it. He's got beautiful hands. I don't know why I'm noticin' them now, but I am. Guess it's easier than thinkin' about all the things he ain't gonna give me. Damnit, why did I come here again?
He's got a bottle sittin' on the dresser and he opens it and takes a drink and then hands it to me. He's watchin' me again and there's somethin' in 'is eyes, that I can't read. I hate the way I'm feelin' so I take a drink outta his bottle and then hand it back to 'im.
He's still watchin' me, with that look I can't read and it's makin' me damned uncomfortable. I gotta do somethin' or I'm gonna scream, so I start t'get undressed. We both know why I'm here, ain't no sense in puttin' it off.
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Those goddamn blue eyes are all over me. I could drown in them, if I'd let myself. Damn, I hate the way I'm feeling. I can hate it all I want, but there's no denying it. I want him. And, no matter what I told myself or him, it ain't the kinda want that's going away anytime soon.
He's lookin' like he's gonna bolt outta here any minute, so I get my bottle. I take a drink and then I give it to him. I watch him drink and I'm still decidin'. Then he gives me back my bottle and starts to shuck off all them clothes he wears.
Damn, he's beautiful. I gotta take another drink, to keep from throwin' him down on the bed and fucking the hell out of him, when he finally gets all of them off. I can't keep from starin' at him. He's just standin' there, stark naked, and I'm watchin' him and all of a sudden, I decided.
It's the same for us.
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Why ain't he doin' somethin'? I'm standin' here naked as the day I was born and he's just watchin' me. Whatever it is in his eyes, is still there and it don't look like it's goin' away anytime soon. It's makin' me nervous as hell, and I can't take much more o' this, so I turn around. Who am I kiddin'? I ain't turnin' around, I'm turnin' away.
"Don't," he says all soft and quiet and he puts his hand on the side o' my neck, just under my ear. Just close enough so's that he can use his thumb to stroke over my lips and across my cheek. "Don't," he whispers again and I couldn't turn away from him, if my life depended on it.
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I'm standin' there, starin' at him. God damn, I want him. It's washin' over me, like the sun comin' up on the side of a buildin'. Warm and slow, until it covers every inch of that place. And I know he sees it. He just don't know what it is.
He don't know what it is, but it scares the hell outta him. He's damn sure, he don't want no part of it and he turns around. He turns away. Away, from me. And, I can't let him. Not now. I gotta let him know how it is.
"Don't," I whisper and put a hand on his neck, where I can touch his face, light as you please. "Don't." I'm strokin' his face and I see him give in to it. He ain't gonna turn away from me tonight.
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Damn him. All he's gotta do is touch me and whisper to me in, that voice that's like silk and I know I'm gonna do whatever he wants. He knows it too. And, he uses it to keep me here, knowin' how much I hate it. Damn him t'hell.
And then he eases me down on the bed and I sit there and watch him takin' his clothes off. He's toyin' with me, I think. Movin' slow as a doe nuzzlin' a fawn and just as graceful, until he's as naked as me. I can't get my breath watchin' him. God damn, he's beautiful. I can't take my eyes off 'im. He moves closer and I gotta touch 'im. My hand's shakin' when I finally touch his skin.
My hand strokes over his belly and it makes him suck in his breath. I gotta smile at that. At least I know, I ain't the only one wantin' tonight. Even if for him, it's only for tonight.
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He ain't gonna turn away from me tonight, and if I have my way, he ain't ever gonna turn away from me again. He's standin' there, with his eyes closed, lettin' me touch him. I know what I'd see, if he opened them. That's probably why he doesn't.
He don't look like he's gonna move anytime soon, so I kinda guide him over to the bed and sit him down on it. That gets his attention. And, now that I got it, I aim to keep it. I start shuckin' my clothes. Only, I don't do it fast like he did.
He's watchin' every move I make and I'm makin' some damn good ones, if I do say so myself. My shirt comes off and I can hear the way he's not gettin' his breath. My boots and pants come off and I'm down to my drawers and I can see he's tremblin' with the way he wants me. He ain't breathin' too good neither.
I ain't plannin' on havin' to explain to Nathan how come Vin passed out in my bed, so I quit teasin' him and move over to stand in front of him. He reaches out that tremblin' hand and strokes down my belly, and damned if I ain't the one who can't breathe.
He starts kissin' me soft and easy across my belly and his mouth's followin' his hands down and my cock is harder than I can ever remember it bein', when I feel his mouth close over me. Oh my God, is all I can think, when I feel his tongue swirlin' over me. A groan escapes me. Like I said before, he gives me everything.
I start to stroke his hair, but I know if I do, I'll feel him tense up and so I pull my hand back, before I do. I don't know why he doesn't like me touchin' his head when he's suckin' on me, but I know he doesn't.
Instead, I knead his shoulders, lovin' the way he feels under my hand. That ain't the only thing I'm lovin' right now, but tonight ain't just about what I'm lovin'. He's gotta know how it is. So, with great reluctance - - that's an Ezra phrase there - - I pull away from him, enough that I can sit beside him on the bed.
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I move my hand across his stomach, lovin' the feel of 'im. And, it ain't enough. I gotta taste 'im too. And, I do. My hands and my mouth are feelin''im and tastin' 'im and Jesus, God, he don't know what he's missin'.
See, that's the funny part about all o' the things I want, that he won't gimme. 'Cause, he's denyin' himself, as much as he's denyin' me. The way he tastes. The way he feels, when he's movin' inside me. The sounds he makes, like the way he just groaned, when I ran my tongue over the head of 'im. Damn, he don't know all the things he's missin'. And, that's just it. As much as I want it all for myself, I want it for him too.
I'm lovin' every sound he makes, and the feel o' his hands on my shoulders. He's got strong hands and they're the one thing he don't deny me, in any way. I can feel little tremors startin' in 'im. Damn, I love makin' 'im feel this way.
Next thing I know, he's pullin' away from me and sittin' beside me. And, I can't help the sigh that escapes me, 'cause I know that he's gonna take what he wants now and gimme the only thing he will.
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Damn, I hate the sound of that sigh. He tries not to let it out, but I reckon he can't help it. I reckon, I got it comin' too.
I know what he's expectin'. He's thinkin' it's gonna be like so many other times. I'm gonna kiss him and use my hand to bring him over the edge. I'm real considerate about that, makin' sure he goes first. It's the least I can do, right? Yeah, damnit, it is. The very damn least.
But, I got a surprise for him. Reckon that silent communication bullshit, ain't workin' too well for him right now. 'Cause I can tell, just by the way he's sittin' there, what he thinks is gonna happen. He's ashamed. It ain't me, he's ashamed of. It's himself. 'Cause he's sittin' here, knowin' that I ain't gonna give him the things he wants and he's sittin' there anyway. He's ashamed, that he's too weak to walk away. Least, that's what he thinks.
I know better. He's the strongest man I know. But, when you ain't had anything, for as long as he ain't had anything, sometimes you gotta settle for what you can have. Even a strong man's got needs.
I got needs too. But, they're different needs tonight, than they been for a long time. I got the need of him, that's for sure. But, I also got the need, to make up to him for everything he ain't never had. Everything, I wouldn't give him.
He's sittin' there with his head down and his eyes closed waitin' for me to make my move. Hell, I ain't gonna disappoint him. This big shit eatin' grin comes over me, knowin' what he's waitin' for, ain't what he's gonna get. Damn! Now, that I decided, I'm like a kid in a candy store. My eyes are rovin' all over him, seein' him for the first time, maybe.
He's got the most beautiful skin. It's all fair and smooth and it's soft as velvet. But, he ain't a bit soft anywhere. Well, nowhere but that ass of his. My dick starts jumpin', just thinkin' about that ass of his. Down boy. This ain't gonna be no quick fuck. Not tonight.
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Why the hell don't he get on with it? Bastard, knows I'm gonna let him do what he wants. Somethin' ain't right. I can't put my finger on it, but there's somethin' goin' on in 'is head, he ain't sharin' with me.
Damn, I wish I was stronger. But, damnit, I been alone so goddamn long. I can't help myself. I need 'im. I wish t'hell, I didn't, but I do and that's a fact.
He's movin' closer. Guess, whatever it is, he's got in 'is head, he worked out, cause, he's reachin' for me now. He's gonna get me off with his hand. He always gets me off first. Guess, it's his way o' makin' it up t'me, 'cause he won't gimme more than that.
Damnit, I hate myself for comin' here again.
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I can feel him tensin' up, when I touch him. Shit. I know it's my fault, but that don't mean I gotta like it. He ain't looked at me yet. That's OK, for now. But, I ain't gonna let him keep his eyes closed all night. No fuckin' way. I wanna see it in his eyes, when he knows how it is. How it's gonna be from now on.
That's for later though. Right now, I'm gonna enjoy myself. Hopefully, he'll enjoy himself too. 'Cause I've denied both of us for too damn long. That's for damn sure.
I lean in so close, I can feel his breath on my skin. And, I put my hand over his heart. I can feel it beatin' strong and steady. I keep my hand there, at the same time I raise his face up with my other hand, so I can see those eyes.
"It's the same for us," I tell him, real quiet.
I can feel the way his body stiffens, under my hand. His heart starts beatin' quicker, and his eyes fly open, and I can see the want, for all the things he ain't never had in them. I can see the other things too. I don't like them, but that's mine to bear. 'Cause as much as I hate admittin' it, I'm the one, put 'em there. Sure, maybe somebody else put 'em there first, a long time ago, but right now, all that hurt I see, is mine to bear. And, I say the one thing that'll take it away, again.
"It's the same for us."
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Jesus God! What the hell'd he just say? I think I'm havin' one o' them delusions Ezra's always goin' on about. I gotta be wrong. But, then he says it again.
"It's the same for us."
Sweet Jesus, I'm lookin' up at 'im and he's got this grin on 'is face, that won't quit. And, I can see it in them green eyes o' his. He means it. It ain't just somethin' he's sayin', 'cause he's feelin' guilty. But, I still don't know the one thing I gotta know.
"How long?" I ask 'im. 'Cause, I don't think I could stand it, if he give it to me this one time and then took it back. Sweet Jesus, don't let 'im take it back.
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I can see all those things fallin' away in his eyes. And, the only thing that's left is the way he feels about me. And, damned, if that grin on my face don't get bigger and stupider.
But, it wipes off real quick, when the feelin' in his eyes changes to somethin' else. He's scared. I ain't sure of what, but he lets me know real quick.
"How long?"
I almost fall offa the bed, I'm so damned relieved. 'Cause that's the one question I can answer for sure. I ain't ever plannin' on lettin' him go. I can't blame him for havin' the fear of it though. The life he's led - - I don't know the half of it, but I know it ain't been easy.
I lean over and kiss him real gentle like and his hands steal up my arms. He might be scared as hell of what I'm gonna say, but he still wants me and that's the truth of that. And, I tell him my truth.
"I ain't a man who changes his mind."
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I don't know what I'm gonna do, if he don't want it for more than this once. 'Cause of all the things he won't gimme, this is the one that matters the most. I don't think I can stay here, if it's only for this time. God, if you ain't never gonna gimme another thing, please let it not be just for t'night.
And when he tells me, he ain't gonna change 'is mind, I know how much more than that, he's sayin'. And, damned, if I don't get a shit eatin' grin o' my own. 'Cause, in case I ain't said it, he's all I ever wanted.
And, the hell with what he's gonna give t'me. Now, that I know it's mine for the takin', I can wait. I'm a patient man. Well, sometimes I'm a patient man, but right now, all I wanna do is kiss every inch of 'im 'til he's ready t'bust.
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I can see it in those goddamned, blue eyes, when he knows. It's like somebody turned a light on inside him. They're practically glowin'. I ain't seen eyes like that, since the day Adam was born. Sarah's eyes glowed that day. Tired as she was, them eyes of hers were glowing. Just like his are glowin' now. And, somehow, I know she wouldn't see it as a slap in the face.
And, just about then, he starts kissin' me and his hands are movin' over my skin. And, I know he'll wait for me. He's a patient man, I know that. But, I ain't. I want everything I wouldn't give us both. And, then I push him back on the bed, and stretch out over top him. I kiss him back, and my own hands do some roamin'. Damned, if he ain't got the softest skin.
I leave offa kissin' that mouth - - which ain't easy, 'cause he's got the sweetest mouth this side of the Mississippi - - and start explorin' all those places I ain't tasted yet. He moans a little and I can feel his cock pokin' at me. Mine's doin' some pokin' of it's own.
I love the little sounds he's makin'. Sounds I ain't heard before, 'cause I wouldn't let it be the same for us. Those sounds are drivin' me crazy. He's purrin'! Well, goddammit he is! I can't believe what I'm hearin'. I can't believe how fuckin' stupid I was. Geez, he's tremblin'. Tremblin' and purrin' and moanin'.
I work my way all the way down him, listenin' to those sounds and lovin' every one of 'em and I think maybe, I missed out on more than he did, all this time. I get to his cock and I wanna do it, but it takes me a minute, and I hear him sayin' in that soft voice of his, that I ain't gotta do it. Damn, he's an understandin' son of a bitch.
So, I lean up and kiss him hard. He's pantin' by the time I'm done. And, then I tell him to shut up. For a man who's as quiet as he is, he sure talks too damn much sometimes. And, then I move back down and I swear, when I put my mouth on him, he howls. Sounds just like a coyote howlin' at the moon.
Both of us stiffen up a minute, listenin'. Don't hear nothin' in the hall, but I look at him anyway. Damned, if he ain't blushin'! I gotta laugh at that. He's the toughest son of a bitch I ever met and he's blushin. I tuck this interestin' little tidbit away, for later. Right now, I'm more interested in seein' if I can make him howl again.
I don't make him howl, but I got him purrin' again and then I got him growlin'. When he's just about ready to bust, I stop what I'm doin' and wait for him to look at me.
It don't take long and when I see those eyes all dark and wild, I know I'm doin' the right thing.
"It's the same for us," I whisper and hand him the little tin of lanolin.
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I died and I'm in heaven. That's the only thing that could make me feel this good. Either that or I'm dreamin'. It's gotta be one or the other. And, then his mouth closes around my nipple and oh my God, it feels so good. Maybe this is how I'm gonna die, from the sheer pleasure of it.
He's lickin' and kissin' and suckin' and strokin' me, like there ain't no t'morra. I feel like a cat that's gettin' stroked just the right way. Oh shit! He's movin' down. His tongue's in my belly button and I can't even think anymore. All I can do is lay there lettin' him pleasure me. Jesus, it ain't never been like this b'fore. Nobody ever made me feel like this. It feels so damned good, I'm shakin' from it.
He's over my cock now and I can feel the way he ain't sure. I know he'll do it sometime, but I ain't in no rush for it. Like I said, I'm a patient man. I don't want him frettin' over it, so I tell him he ain't gotta do it. He stops what he's doin' and kisses the hell outta me. I can't even breathe when he stops and tells me t'shut up.
I couldn't say another word, if I tried. And, then he closes his mouth around me and I feel that tongue lickin' around me and fuck, I'm howlin'. Sound like a wolf or somethin', and I'm scared shitless, that I'm gonna ruin everything. We both freeze and listen for anyone comin'. Nobody does though, and he looks up at me. I can feel my face gettin' hot and he thinks that's funny as shit. I know he's gonna remember this, exactly when I don't want him to.
But, then he goes back to what he was doin' and it ain't long b'fore I'm makin' all kinda noise again. I don't howl again though. I'm close, real close, when he stops and I see 'im lookin' up at me. His eyes are shinin' and he says all soft and smoky, "It's the same for us." And, he presses the lanolin inta my hand.
I gotta swallow real hard then. I know what he's givin' me. "I'll make it good," I promise him. And, I never meant nothin' more in my life.
I set about t'do just that. I got an edge there, 'cause all this time, I been learnin' all the things that make 'im crazy. I know how much he likes it when I lick that spot just under 'is Adam's apple. Really gets 'im goin'. He likes all the usual spots too. And, I make sure, I get t'all of 'em.
He's wrigglin' around under me, like a fish on a hook and my balls are so heavy, they feel like they weigh a hunert pounds, when he starts tuggin' on my hair. I look up at 'im and he don't say nothin'. He just gives me this look, that almost makes me lose it right there. And, then he rolls over real slow onta his stomach.
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"I'll make it good."
And, damned if he doesn't. He knows all the right places. Guess, he's been payin' attention. I'm gonna have t'do a little payin' attention of my own from now on. His mouth and his hands are playin' me like a fiddle. Jesus, he's good at this.
I don't know about him, but I'm so hard, it's hurtin'. Don't seem like he's in any hurry, but I am. Like, I said, he's a patient man, but I ain't. I know just how to get him movin' though. So, I pull on his hair a little. Not tryin' to hurt 'im, just tryin' to get his attention. When he looks up at me, I look back, just to let him know how much I want him and then I roll over.
I chuckle a little, when I hear him catchin' his breath. Guess, he likes what he sees. I'm glad of that, for both of us. I'm glad for him, 'cause he's wanted it for so long, and there ain't nothin' worse than gettin' what you wanted, and bein' real disappointed in it. I'm glad for me, 'cause the truth is, I'm kinda excited about it. I'm a little nervous too, but I'm more excited than I am nervous.
I ain't nervous about him hurtin' me. I know it's gonna hurt some. But, shit, I been shot. It can't hurt more than that. And besides, he's one tough son of a bitch, but he's got a side to him, that most people don't see. I see it though. I see it in the way he calms that stupid horse of his. I see it in the way he is with Mary and Nettie. I seen it with those workin' girls. He'd shit if he knew, how many of us know how gentle he is, underneath all that tough. I ain't gonna tell him though. I aim to keep my head. Nah, it ain't him hurtin' me. Guess, it's just the new of it.
He's showin' me that side right now. His hands and his mouth are on me again, playin' me again. God! It feels so damn good. I can't believe how relaxed and how excited I am at the same time. Damn! That tongue oughta be declared a hazard. At least to me, 'cause it's drivin' me crazy.
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Oh my God! I can't breathe when he rolls over, and I see 'im like that for the first time. I mean, I seen 'im naked b'fore, but not like this. I'm savorin' - - I heard Ezra use that word once - - the moment. But, I don't wanna just savor the moment. I wanna make 'im crazy again.
I do my damndest t'do just that. I use my mouth and my hands, on every inch of 'im. God, I love the taste and feel of 'im. I'm hurtin' here, but I keep on with what I'm doin'. 'Cause, I'm damned, if he ain't gonna like it, 'cause I was in a hurry.
I can't hardly b'lieve it's happenin', but it is. I'm ready and I think he's ready, but I gotta know for sure. "You ready?" I ask real soft in 'is ear.
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Am I ready? Shit, I'm so damned ready I think I'm gonna come without him ever touchin' my dick, if he don't get on with it soon. "Yeah," I answer just as soft as him, and I lean back and kiss him deep, so he knows I mean it.
He's kissin' me, as much as I'm kissin' him and then he slips a finger inside me. It startles me a little. I mean, I knew he was gonna do it and I was ready, but I wasn't ready, if ya know what I mean. Guess not. I can tell he ain't sure I'm ready either, 'cause he ain't movin'. He's waitin' for me to let him know and I do.
I kinda hitch my ass back on his finger a little. Just so he knows, he ain't doin' nothin' I don't want him to. Guess it worked, 'cause he's kissin' me, and workin' that finger, and usin' his other hand to squeeze any part of me he gets ahold of. My own hands are doin' some squeezin' too.
And then he's got another finger inside of me and then another one. And he hits somethin', I don't know what the hell it is, but I'm seein' stars. Fuck, if I don't let loose a howl of my own. Bastard's probably eatin' that up, but me, I couldn't care less. The only thing I care about, is seein' if he can find, whatever the hell it was he just found, again. And he does. He finds it over and over and I'm grabbin' at any damned part of him I can reach. Damn, I want him.
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He tenses up, when I put the first finger in 'im. My heart kinda stops, 'cause I don't know if I can take it, if he changes his mind. But then he moves a little, just enough, so that I know he wants it and I almost come on the spot.
I give in to it all then. I'm kissin' him and I'm touchin' him with my free hand. And, I'm workin' my finger inside of him. He's ready, and I'm more'n ready, so I work another finger inta him and then another one. And, then I find that spot, I been lookin' for and damned, if he ain't the one howlin'. HAH! Take that, you son of a bitch. You ain't the only one's got a few tricks up 'is sleeve.
I don't gloat for long though, 'cause I'm findin' that spot again and again and he's lovin' it, I can tell.
And, I know he ain't never gonna be more ready for me, than he is right now, so, I slick up my cock and pull those fingers outta him and breathe right up in his ear, "I'm gonna take ya now."
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I hear him tellin' me, he's gonna take me and I know there ain't no turnin' back. Not like I wanna turn back anyway. The way I'm feelin' right now, ain't nothin' could make me stop.
I feel him up against me, pushin' real slow. I can't help tensin' up a bit and then he's kissin' me real soft on the side of my neck and whisperin' somethin'. It's so quiet, I ain't sure what he's sayin', but the words ain't important. It's the feelin' in 'em, that's easin' me and helpin' me relax enough, so that he can get inside.
I feel when he slips in and it's hurtin' some, but nothin' that a few deep breaths, and him holdin' still as a statue doesn't take away. I get my bearings and I nod so he'll know I'm ready and he starts movin'.
He's movin' real slow and it gives me time to adjust to the way he feels in me. It's still hurtin', but not like it was at first. I can handle it. And, after I get used to the way he feels, I start thinkin' about it and damned, if I ain't enjoyin' it. Especially after he starts workin' my cock with his slicked up hand. Then he hits that spot in me again and I ain't thinkin' about a damned thing. All I'm doin' is feelin'.
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He goes real still, when I push inside 'im and I do my best t'hold still. I know it's gotta be hurtin' 'im some. I kiss 'im and whisper to 'im real soft, just tryin' t'get 'im t'relax. He takes a couple o' deep breaths, and then he gives me a nod.
I move real slow, 'cause he's bound t'need some time t'get used t'me. I'm enjoyin' every second of it though. He relaxes a little and my cock slides all the way in, and oh damn, it's the best thing I ever felt in my life. It's hard as hell not t'just give inta it and start fuckin' the hell outta 'im, but I keep movin' slow like that and I reach under 'im and start strokin' 'im. He got a little soft, while I was gettin' inside, but my hand's slidin' around 'im and it ain't long, b'fore he's hard as a nail again.
It ain't long after that, that we're both pumpin' and breathin' hard. I can tell, when I hit that spot in 'im again, by the way he jumps and his body starts stranglin' my cock. Oh shit! It feels good! I start fuckin' 'im harder then, and he's fuckin' my hand and we're both just about there. I can't hardly hold it, but I want him t'go first.
Just about when I think that ain't gonna happen, I hit that spot in 'im again and he's callin' my name and sprayin' all over my hand. I let myself go then and I'm breathin' his name over and over and I can't even describe the feelin inside o' me.
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I'm layin' here, holdin' him and he's got his head on my chest and his hands are clutchin' at my shoulders, like he's afraid I'm gonna disappear. I reckon, that's my fault, so, I just lay there, rubbin' his back. I sure as hell ain't goin' nowhere. Not now.
I can't even say how it was for me. Sure, it felt good, damn good. But, it's more than that. It's like it used to be with her. I never thought I'd feel that way again, but I do. It's 'cause of him.
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I'm stretched out against him, with my head on his chest and holdin' him and I feel safer than I ever felt in my life. Every part o' me feels good right now. Never been with anyone, made me feel like this. Reckon, it's cause it's him.
I wanna tell 'im how it is, but I ain't got the words. And, then I look up, and he's lookin' down at me and we both say it at the same time.
"It's the same for us."
THE END