The latest board meeting was such a bust that the assembled members couldn’t even decide what to do for lunch. First, they voted to order in, but then they couldn’t agree on what to order, or where to order it from. Then they decided to adjourn and get lunch on their own, but couldn’t agree how long they should take. A few voted to work through lunch and cut the meeting short. Chris voted that they can James’ sorry self right then and there and never have another meeting about it again.Once the stunned silence that followed his outburst had passed, the board members quietly filed out of the office to disparate luncheon arrangements, leaving Chris and Ezra alone at the conference table.
Sitting side by side again, neither man said anything. Ezra pulled a prescription bottle of painkillers from the pocket of his suit coat, but his bottle of water was empty. Chris pushed his spare bottle of water over and Ezra took it with a silent acknowledgement. Once he had taken his own dose, he pushed the water and the painkillers in front of Chris, who accepted both silently but gratefully. Soon, both men were dosed and waiting for the painkillers to kick in.
“I believe I may safely say that this has been one of the most unproductive succession of days that I have spent in quite some time.” Ezra finally said. “Never have so many done so little yet produced so much bullshit.”
Chris was surprised to hear such a word out of Ezra. He lifted his head from where he’d been resting it on the back of his chair. “Getting on your nerves, are they?” he asked. Ezra barely restrained an infuriated obscenity as he began to gather his papers and notes into his briefcase.
“These people are without question the most pompous, ludicrous, fatuous, gaseous, obsequious gathering of numbskulls with whom I have ever had the misfortune to be acquainted.” Ezra was truly angry. “While they sit here and prattle on and on in an asinine attempt to circumvent what we all know to be the inevitable resolution of this current maelstrom, they seem to forget that outside this rarefied atmosphere and these ivy-covered halls real life continues in a manner both mundane and egregious. While they agonize over the placement of every dot and semicolon in a legal document that isn’t worth the ink it will take to print, these ignoramuses remain blissfully unaware of the everyday struggle that exists outside their blinkered field of vision. I hope to God they may one day soon be visited upon by the consequences of their own thoughtlessness and may I not eat again until I am able to feast upon their withered entrails.”
That finished Ezra’s tirade and Chris stared at him awhile, with no particular expression on his face. After a moment or two though he said, “Vin’s OK Ezra. He had a good night’s sleep, and Buck was with him when I left for work this morning.”
At first it seemed that Ezra would stammer out some hasty disavowal of any such sentiment. Then he nodded. “I’m glad.”
+ + + + + + +
Buck walked up the stairs to Vin’s apartment casually, quite opposite of how he felt bringing Vin back here. It might’ve been different if Vin didn’t seem so much on edge, but the look on his face, and the tighter his muscles seem to draw the closer they got to the door, made Buck think this was going to turn out to be a very very bad idea.
As they crossed the landing, Buck pulled Vin’s keys out of his pocket and handed them over. “Here you go,” still trying to act and sound casual. Vin looked at the keys as though he wasn’t sure at first what he was supposed to do with them.
“Oh, thanks. Yeah.” Vin picked through the keys and separated the ones for his front door – the regular one, and the new one for the deadbolt. Buck stayed close behind him as he unlocked the door and opened it. Another envelope lay at their feet, and Buck reached down for it.
“Little Maria again.” He said. “She really wants you to feel better.”
“I haven’t even opened the first one yet.” Vin admitted. “I don’t think I could take all that sweetness and innocence just yet.”
“I’ll hang onto this for you then.” Buck said, and slid it into his shirt pocket, and they walked farther into the apartment. Vin shut the front door.
“The place really smells of that vinyl shower curtain doesn’t?”
“Yeah, it does.” Buck thought Vin was just making conversation. “That’ll go away after awhile.”
“Yeah.” Vin looked around his apartment; he didn’t seem to know where to go or what to do. Just as soon as his feet seemed headed in one direction, his body went in another, so that after several moments had passed, he really hadn’t moved off the same spot.
“What’d you have in mind here?” Buck asked.
“Nothing.” Vin sounded a little snappish. “I just wanted to be at my house, I don’t have to have anything specific in mind do I?.” Buck wasn’t bothered by Vin’s sudden temper.
“I just wondered, if you wanted to be alone for a little while, I could take myself a walk.”
“NO!” Vin’s sudden temper was replaced with sudden panic. “Don’t leave me alone.”
“I won’t, don’t worry.” Buck assured him. “You’re calling the shots here. Just let me know anything you want me to do.” Vin looked around the apartment again. He seemed lost.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I want to do. Is there something I should be doing?”
“Well…” Buck took a few steps beyond Vin into the front room. “Last night, and the night before, when I came over to pick up your mail, I just went through the rooms, made sure everything looked okay, and I checked your caller-ID.” He waited a few beats, but Vin didn’t say anything. “We could do that now if you want.”
“This doesn’t even feel like my home anymore. Everything just seems so – unfamiliar.”
“I’ll tell you what we’ll do then.” Buck was trying to let Vin make some decisions on his own, but it just wasn’t happening. “I’ll make us up some lemonade, or ice tea, or anything cold you’ve got to drink. You open some windows and get the fans going in this place, and then we’ll just sit for a while and maybe you’ll feel a little more comfortable here. How’s that?” Vin nodded, but he was staring at the half closed bathroom door. Buck moved in between. qqq qqq “If you think about it, you’ll make yourself sick Vin.” Buck said. “Let’s try to get you thinking about something else. Okay?”
“Yeah.” Vin nodded a little more strongly than he needed to. “Yeah, we’ll do that. That’ll work.” He moved stiffly away from Buck and went to open his front windows and turn on his fan.
He glanced down at the sidewalk and saw Nettie looking back up at him.
+ + + + + + +
Coming home from the neighborhood bakery, Nettie saw Buck’s truck in Vin’s parking lot. She looked up to his apartment windows and saw Vin standing there. He’d apparently just pulled the sash open. She froze, and he seemed to freeze there, staring at each other. Neither one smiled, neither one waved, neither one acknowledged the other at all, except for their hard stares.
Finally Vin took one or two steps backward, away from the window but still in view. Nettie dropped her eyes and went home.
SIXTY-ONE
Vin watched Nettie disappear down the sidewalk. It hurt more than he wanted it to, to see her walk away and not show one bit of concern. Well, if she didn’t care about him then he wouldn’t waste one more minute caring about her. She could get JD to mow her lawn from now on, and take out her trash, and prop up that rotting timber in her shed. If that was how she was going to be about it, he’d be just the same. He’d show her just how much he didn’t care.He walked a little closer to the window to try and catch one last glimpse of her.
Buck came up behind him, and offered Vin a glass of lemonade. “What’re you looking at?”
“Why does Nettie hate me?” Vin blurted. “Why does what happened to me make her hate me?”
“She doesn’t hate you Vin.”
“She does. She just walked past and didn’t even come in. She saw me up here and she didn’t wave or – or – anything. She just kept going.” He wanted an instant, cure-all answer from Buck. One that made sense of everything and dispelled all his distress.
“I don’t know why she’s acting the way she is Vin. After Chris, she’s the first one I thought would be right here by your side.”
“She hates me.”
“No, she doesn’t.” Buck said again. “I can’t prove it, but I know she doesn’t.”
Vin turned away from the window, heading for the sofa, and finally took the offered glass of lemonade. “I never knew why she liked me to start with anyway.” He said. He knew it was tremendously self-pitying, but he added: “I never knew why any of you liked me.”
He dropped himself into the cushions and told Buck, “You don’t have to answer that, you know. I’m just feeling sorry for myself.”
“And for good reason.” Buck got his own lemonade and sat in the recliner. “A lot of good reasons.”
“You still like me.” Vin said. It wasn’t a question, but there was a hesitant tone to it. He took a swallow of lemonade. “You don’t have to answer that either.”
“Vin, you have been through a hell of a lot of hell in the past few days, I’m sure not going to blame you for a little self-pity, or even a lot of it. It isn’t all bones on you that got broken, a lot of things still have to knit themselves back together.”
“Yeah…” Vin said, and he looked toward the window again.
+ + + + + + +
Nettie felt her heart pound as she unlocked her front door. Vin was so close – not even half a block away and up a flight of stairs from where she stood right now. Less than a week ago, if she’d seen that Vin was home from work in the middle of the afternoon, she would’ve been up those stairs in a heartbeat to find out what was wrong.
Of course, less than a week ago, if Vin had seen her from his window, he would’ve at least smiled and waved at her.
Today, she already knew what was wrong. What she didn’t know was if she would’ve returned any greeting.
She walked to the kitchen and set her bag on the table. She’d bought some rye bread and a lemon coffee cake at the bakery. Whenever she offered Vin a slice of fresh bread, he always took the heel because ‘you get more bread that way’. How many afternoons had they sat in her upholstered rocking chairs in the dining room, drinking tea, eating bread and butter, and just talking?
That boy loved to talk; Nettie thought his friends would be surprised to find out just how much. He was surprisingly open about his past, losing his parents, living for a few years with his aunt, then being on his own. But he also loved to talk about music, and books, and what was going on at work. She figured out pretty fast that all she had to do was ask Vin a question and show a genuine interest in his answer, and an hour could go by before he exhausted the topic.
When Casey first told Nettie that a friend of JD’s was moving into the neighborhood, she’d expected someone younger, someone more like JD. Vin and JD were close in age she knew, but Vin had an older air about him, the thoughtful steps and measured actions of someone who’d had too much experience with needing to think things through.
They first met in January, here it was only August and yet it was though Vin had been part of her life forever. Now she realized that if she didn’t do something soon, he’d be out of her life forever.
+ + + + + + +
Vin didn’t like the way his hand shook as he attempted to check his caller ID box. He couldn’t get rid of the idea that they might’ve touched it, and if he touched it, he would be dirty all over again. He almost hit the review button, then pulled his hand back and scrubbed it on Chris’ shirt.
“You okay?” Buck asked. He walked over to Vin.
“What if they touched it?”
“What if they did?” Buck wasn’t being sarcastic; he was really asking the question.
“You said you dusted for fingerprints – you know what they touched and what they didn’t touch.”
“Your prints are all over this place too.” Buck said it gently. “I don’t know for sure who touched what, but we did a pretty thorough job of cleaning when we were here Sunday. You know Chris – he even cleaned the knobs on your TV.”
That should’ve made Vin feel better, but it didn’t. He bunched the front tail of Chris’ shirt in his hands and turned away. All the places his friends had cleaned meant all the places his attackers had touched.
His attackers.
Great. Now they belonged to him.
“Buck? Is there more lemonade or anything? Just something – I’m not feeling too good right now…”
“Yeah, ‘course there is. Come and take a seat.” Buck touched Vin’s shoulder to urge him toward the couch. “Are you gonna be sick?”
“No. I don’t think so anyway. Sometimes I don’t know until it’s too late though.”
“Well you rest a minute and try to think good thoughts. I’ll get you some cold water to drink.”
“Okay, thanks.” Vin sat on the edge of the couch, and leaned forward to rest his head in his hands. Good thoughts, he was supposed to think good thoughts. There was nothing good to think about except that Buck was with him, and even that wasn’t as good as if Chris was with him instead.
Maybe he should take some aspirin, maybe he was getting a headache too.
He asked Buck to bring him some and managed to swallow them down with the water without gagging.
A knock on his door put them both on alert, and Buck went to answer it. “Who is it?” he asked through the closed door.
“Buck? It’s Nettie.”
The glass of water almost dropped out of Vin’s hands. He looked up at Buck, who was looking back at him.
“You want to see her?”
“I – I – I don’t know. I guess so. I don’t know?” If Vin felt sick before, he felt ten times worse now.
“You could just see what she has to say.” Buck offered. qqq “Yeah – okay.” Vin stood up and moved to be closer to Buck, in case of what he didn’t know, but it made him feel safer. Buck turned the locks and opened the door for Nettie. She stayed on the threshold and didn’t come in. She looked first at Buck, then at Vin.
“I came to see how you’re doing Vin.” She said. Her tone was stiff; she sounded unsure.
“Still alive I guess.” Vin said. It seemed the best answer at the moment. For some reason he couldn’t figure, Nettie shot Buck a dirty look.
“I know you’re alive – I just wanted to see if – if you needed anything, or if there was anything I could do.” Her tone wasn’t too inviting or friendly, and Vin got a sudden urge to not make this easy for her.
“What’d you have in mind?” The question seemed to take Nettie by surprise.
“Well – I don’t know.”
“Maybe you could start with an apology.” Buck said. Now Nettie gave him a really dirty look.
“Maybe you could let me talk to Vin.” She snapped back.
Vin knew absolutely that Buck wouldn’t leave him, still he found himself echoing Chris’ words from yesterday. “He stays or I don’t.” He couldn’t believe he was talking to Nettie that way. She’d been nicer to him and done more things unasked for him than he would ever deserve or could ever reciprocate. But right now, feeling sick and getting sicker, Vin just didn’t have the desire or energy to be polite.
“I just wanted to see how you were doing.” Nettie said again, even more stiffly.
“So you saw. Anything else?”
One last time Nettie looked from Vin to Buck, then back again. “No, I suppose not.”
“Good.” And Vin walked away from her.
SIXTY-TWO
Vin went into his bedroom and shut the door, and Buck felt like repeating the gesture to Nettie’s face. But before he could do that she asked, “Is he all right? He looks so pale.” And Buck realized that he actually felt sorry for Nettie, they way she was standing there with such a stricken look on her face. Even though he figured she deserved it and had brought it on herself, Buck gave her credit for trying, even if the trying had been strained at best.“Well why in the blazes didn’t you ask him that yourself when you had the chance and he was standing not a foot away from you?”
“Because I didn’t – he didn’t -.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Because until I saw him standing there, I didn’t realize just how much I might be throwing away. I love that boy like he was my own Buck, and look how bad I’ve hurt him.”
“Give him time then, and don’t give up.” He told her. She nodded that she heard, but didn’t take her eyes from where Vin had gone into his bedroom. “He’ll push you away until he hears what he needs to hear from you Miss Nettie. And it’s going to take the two of you to figure out what that is.”
Nettie shook her head. “He hates me.” And Buck laughed out loud.
“No Miss Nettie. I can guarantee you – Vin does not hate you.”
+ + + + + + +
Vin didn’t want to hear what was happening at his front door. He turned on his radio to block the sounds of Nettie being angry or disparaging or fed up. She’d say something mean and Buck would answer her back, and there’d be a battle of angry words and the only result would be that Vin would feel worse, and the gulf between him and Nettie would grow wider and deeper, until finally they’d never be able to cross it at all.
Maybe he even really would need to find a new apartment, just so he didn’t risk running into Nettie in the neighborhood. He’d have to be careful around JD and Casey too, well except that Vin figured he’d be avoiding JD now anyway. Maybe he should just move to a new city and get a new job and a new life. It wasn’t like anybody would miss him. Probably they’d be glad he was gone.
He turned toward his dresser and saw his reflection in the mirror, saw himself standing there wearing Chris’ shirt over his own. Well, one or two people might miss him if he was to just up and disappear. There was probably a couple of people he’d miss too. He set himself down on the bed and tried to ride out the crushing feeling of doom that was surrounding him.
It wasn’t real he tried to tell himself. The doom wasn’t real, the world wasn’t about to explode over him. It was a difference of opinion, that’s all. That’s what it came down to between him and Nettie, and Ezra, and JD. Just a difference of opinion.
A difference of opinion that meant the end of life as he knew it.
No, that was stupid. They’d get over it Vin tried to convince himself. They’d all get over it, make peace, make friends again. They’d had disagreements before, hadn’t they?
Trying to control his contrasting emotions made Vin desperate. The bad feelings weren’t making sense, and what seemed good seemed improbable. He had friends – but he’d lost friends before. He could lose them again.
But Chris and Buck and Josiah were still with him.
But it was only a few days since he’d been attacked – they could still get sick of him needing so much help.
But he didn’t need that much help, did he?
But there was no saying how much was too much to some people.
But – but – but…
His thoughts started spinning in circles and Vin sat on the edge of his bed to press his hands over his ears, as though that would stop the chaos stampeding through his brain. He had friends, he had Chris, he had a home and a job and a truck and everything would be all right if he could just get himself to believe that everything would be all right, and he’d believe that everything would be all right if everything would just be all right and as long as he wasn’t alone he was okay and as long as he was okay he wouldn’t be alone and Lord when was all this noise and pain and madness going to leave him be?
“Vin?” Buck had come into the room, and he was crouched next to Vin. “It’s okay Vin – Nettie’s gone home.”
“I wish I was dead.” He lowered his hands to grip the front tail of Chris’ shirt. “Nothing is making sense, I can’t stop thinking about how bad everything is and how messed up everything is. Everything just keeps spinning around and spinning around and it won’t stop and I can’t make it stop.”
“All right Vin, all right.” Buck put his hands over Vin’s. “This is okay, this is normal.”
“Normal to want to be dead?” Vin had to ask.
“It’s normal to want to escape pain. It’s normal for things not to make sense. It’s normal to hate yourself and hate everybody around you. But it won’t last Vin. You just gotta keep reminding yourself of that.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“Well I’m glad of that.” Buck sat on the bed and put his arm around Vin’s shoulders. Vin didn’t move. He needed the security – he wanted the shelter – of a friend sitting with him.
“What did Nettie say? How mad is she?”
“Oh she’s real mad.” Buck said. “At herself. She hurt you without even trying and now she doesn’t have a clue how to make it better.”
“She can’t make it better. Nothing will make it better.”
“I know it feels like that right now, but it won’t always feel like that. And you know Vin, if it comes to it, you can always talk to somebody, a counselor, a -.”
“Chris said I don’t need to talk to anybody.” Vin interrupted.
“Him being the center of all wisdom in the universe.” Buck said. Vin only repeated,
“He said I don’t need to talk to anybody. I don’t want to talk to anybody. They never did me any good before and they won’t do me any good now. I don’t want to talk to anybody.”
“Okay. That’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Vin.” Instead of being angry, Buck sounded encouraging. qqq qqq “I can talk to you, can’t I Buck? You’ve been good so far, you haven’t – nothing’s been too gross to tell you so far. I can talk to you, can’t I?”
“You bet you can Vin.” Buck gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze. “Anywhere, anytime, about anything. You bet you can talk to me.”
+ + + + + + +
“How is he?” Chris asked Buck as soon as he walked into the house, before he’d even shut the front door behind himself. “How’d the day go?”
“He’s okay, he’s out on the deck. Been out there most of the day. We went over to his apartment about noon, came home, and he’s been out in the chair since then.”
“Is he sleeping?”
“Off and on a little.” Buck told him. “We’ve just been sitting out there, admiring the view. He hasn’t been up much to talking, or anything else.” Chris started to walk to the sliding glass doors.
“Something happen at his apartment?”
“Nettie stopped by. Neither of them knew what to say to the other, and what did get said sure wasn’t helpful.”
Chris shook his head. “Just what Vin needed. But he’s okay?”
“He’s as okay as he can be Chris. He’s got so much rushing at him from so many directions he can hardly see straight.” Buck motioned toward the deck. “Why don’t you go on out and see him? He hasn’t said so, but I think he’s been waiting all day for you to get home.”
“Thanks Buck.” Chris went through the open doorway onto the deck. Vin was settled into an Adirondack chair, with pillows under his knee and behind his back, and one tucked in at his shoulder that he rested his head on. His eyes were closed, so Chris didn’t disturb him. As he turned toward the other chair though, Vin opened his eyes and looked over at him.
“Hey.” He sounded tired. “How’d things go at work? What happened at the Board meeting?”
“You would not believe it.” Chris said as he dropped himself into the other chair. “We spent all day in that meeting, and the best we could accomplish was to agree that we should look into having a policy against substance abuse. But then we couldn’t agree if that meant only on campus, or if it could extend to people’s lives off campus. It was a total waste. Just a total waste of time, energy and oxygen.” He rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. “How was your day?”
“Tolerable…Buck took care of me. I indulged in a little ‘substance abuse’ of my own.” Vin shook the shirt pocket that held his bottle of painkillers.
“I might just bum a couple of your muscle relaxants before the next Board meeting. I bet that’d make the day go just a little more pleasantly.” Chris repositioned himself in the chair to get more comfortable before he closed his own eyes. “Oh yeah, I meant to tell you – Ezra asked how you were doing.”
SIXTY-THREE
Dinner.Great.
Just what Vin didn’t want to be doing anymore.
He stood behind his chair at the table as everyone else filed into the kitchen, and he tried to think of some way to get out of having to eat without having to say why. He wondered if he really did feel nauseous, or if he was only willing himself to feel that way.
His unease began to swell into panic when Mary smiled at him and said, “I hope you’re hungry Vin – I made ham and cabbage, that’s one of your favorites isn’t it?”
All he could do was stare at her, trying to say ‘yes’, but needing to say ‘no’. He shook his head. “No – I – I’m not hungry. Honest. I just want –.” He looked to Buck for any kind of help. “If I could just – I’m sorry Mary.”
Then he fled the kitchen for the back deck.
+ + + + + + +
Chris was feeling better about things as he went into the kitchen for dinner. Vin seemed to be doing okay, despite his encounter with Nettie. He was rested, and Buck had assured Chris that Vin had eaten during the day. Now, they were going to have dinner. As long as Vin kept eating and sleeping, he’d keep healing. As long as he kept healing, everything else would turn out okay too.
So Chris was feeling better about things.
Until Vin all but ran out of the kitchen, looking like he would be sick any second.
“What was that all about?” Chris asked Buck; he hadn’t missed the look Vin had given Buck.
“I’ll tell you later.” Buck said. He started to head out of the kitchen, no doubt going to Vin, and Chris followed him.
“No – you’ll tell me now.”
“Chris – now wouldn’t be a very good time.”
“The hell it wouldn’t.” he grabbed Buck’s arm to stop him. “Is Vin all right? What’s going on?” Chris waited – not patiently – the few seconds he could see it was taking Buck to assess the information he had, where they were standing, and who might overhear. When he finally spoke, he kept his voice low.
“He just doesn’t want to eat anything Chris, he doesn’t want to eat anything solid. He’s been having – problems – and he’s trying to avoid that.”
“Problems? What kind of problems? Does he need to go back to Nathan? Is he sick?” and Buck gave him a look like he was an idiot.
“Think about it Chris. The man doesn’t want to eat.”
“Yeah…” Chris thought about it. He thought he was thinking about it. Vin wasn’t eating. Maybe the painkillers were making him nauseous, or maybe he hit his head yesterday at the shrine and that was doing it. He didn’t sound like he was getting a sore throat, and he hadn’t mentioned a toothache…
A pointed sigh from Buck told Chris that his obvious confusion was exasperating.
“Chris –.” And Buck dropped his voice even more. “When they raped him, they tore him. He’s been bleeding and he’s in pain. He’s afraid that if he eats and has to use the bathroom, it’ll just make it worse. Do you understand now?”
That last was asked kindly, but it only made Chris feel worse for how blind and stupid he was. Well duhhh Vin wouldn’t want to eat.
“You said he ate today Buck – what’d he eat?”
“I made him milkshakes. That’s all I could get him to take.”
“Okay.” Chris said. “Do me a favor? Make a couple more?”
+ + + + + + +
Breathe. Just breathe. Just keep breathing. Breathe, breathe, breathe.
Vin sat on the top step of the deck, resting his head in his hands, shielding his eyes with his fingers. How much longer was this going to go on? Each time it seemed he cleared some physical or emotional obstacle, one more stood up to take its place. If he could just remember to keep breathing, maybe he wouldn’t be sick this time.
He missed Nettie. At least how Nettie used to be. He couldn’t help thinking about that one day – it was the maybe the fifth time he’d gone to her house for supper. He didn’t feel good, and he didn’t want to be impolite and not eat what she offered. But he also didn’t want to be impolite and get sick at her dinner table. So he decided to make his excuses and leave.
But he’d no sooner said he didn’t feel good and she had him dosed with Tylenol, sitting in one of the upholstered rocking chairs in her dining room, with a wool blanket over his legs, and waiting the results of the thermometer under his tongue.
There’d been no question of her giving the help – and there’d sure been no question of him taking it. She fussed and dosed and felt his forehead like she’d been taking care of him his whole life. When the thermometer registered the slightest fever at 99.8, she’d settled him even more into that rocker with the blanket pulled up under his arms, a strong cup of Echinacea and honey tea, and the firm admonition that he wasn’t going anywhere until that medication had a chance to work.
Now, he didn’t feel good again and Nettie might as well be a million miles away for as close as she’d probably ever let him near her again. Especially after how he acted towards her today. He’d never see the inside of her house again, never sit and drink tea and just talk with her.
Well, it’d always been too good to last, hadn’t it? He should just remember when things were still good, and Nettie still cared, and maybe just hang onto that for when things got really bad again in the future. If that was all he had left, he’d make do with it.
In the meantime, he just had to remember to breathe.
+ + + + + + +
Chris brought out two huge chocolate milkshakes in plastic glasses out to the deck. He handed one to Vin, then sat down next to him.
“Turns out I’m clueless.” He said to the puzzled look Vin was giving him. Then Vin nodded.
“Turns out I’m not surprised.” He managed one small smile. “Buck told you, hunh?” Now Chris nodded.
“And you know I gave him a choice.”
“Yeah. Some choice - talk or die..” Vin gestured to the glass in his hand, and the one Chris held. “Thanks.”
“Well, it sounded good. I asked Buck to make me one while he was at it.”
“What’s he telling Mary?”
“That you don’t feel good, and this is all you’ve been able to keep down all day, and that he’s glad there’s more for him…” He wouldn’t tell Vin that he was pretty sure Mary knew what had happened. “If you’re going to go on drinking instead of eating, we’ll have to get you something more nutritious than ice cream.”
“This’ll do me for now. I just don’t want to go back to Nathan. Or any doctor. I just want to give – things – a chance to – take care of themselves.”
“I don’t blame you.” He tapped Vin’s glass with his own and they both took sips of their milkshakes.
“So – you said Ezra was asking about me?” Vin asked, as he wiped away his chocolate mustache.
“Yeah – he seemed pretty worried too.”
“He did?” Vin was obviously surprised. “What’d he say?”
“He said the Board members have gas and all they’ve managed to produce is bullshit.”
That finally put a genuine, if slightly perplexed, smile on Vin’s face. “Ezra couldn’t talk a straight line with a ruler, could he?” he asked.
“No, I don’t think he could.” Chris agreed. “I think he’s worried and he doesn’t want to be, so he’s pretending he’s not.”
“That doesn’t leave us in a much different place then, seems like.” Vin took another sip of his milkshake. “Did he say it straight to their face?”
“No, it was just him and me in there when he said it.”
“Well, all right then. When he says it right to the Judge, I’ll believe he’s worried.”
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