As Ezra stepped into the Boardroom, he tried to summon to mind any recent incidences of walking under a ladder, breaking a mirror, or stepping on a black cat. None occurred to him however, so he was left wondering what precisely he might have done to incur the wrath of Fate: the only vacant seat left at the long, wide table was the one right next to Chris Larabee.He knew it was too late to back out of the meeting again. As the rest of the room listened to Mrs. Stephens standard prologue regarding her late husbands money followed by the even more customary threat of her withdrawal of said funds should events not commence to her liking - Judge Travis had already acknowledged Ezras presence with a nod, and an indication that he should take a seat.
The seat.
The only seat.
Right next to Chris Larabee.
Calling upon years of experience in hiding his true feelings behind a blank face and a casual demeanor ~ even with a blazing headache ~ Ezra skirted the table and its volatile inhabitants, and took his seat.
The seat.
Right next to Chris Larabee.
+ + + + + + +
Chris noticed Ezra the second he stepped through the door - hed been watching for him as soon as he saw that Ezra wasnt at the meeting. Ezra was always the first one in, setting out agendas and firing up the overhead when needed. At frist Chris thought that Ezra might be hiding from him, but getting a look now at his face, and the pinched, painful expresion he saw there, Chris could see Standish just wasnt well.
It was too hard having friends - just when you wanted to be royally pissed off at one, he came in looking as white as his shirt and ready to collapse at the slightest breath of a breeze. Chris lost the urge to assassinate him with a look as Ezra took the chair, and instead pushed his unopened bottle of water in front of him.
Life was just too complicated when the friend you wanted to throttle looked even sicker than the friend you wanted to protect.
+ + + + + + +
Poison. Naturally. That was the only answer. The only possible reason that Christopher "Bad Axe" Larabee had just offered Ezra compassion in the form of generic bottled water. It was poisoned.
Ezra had no idea why hed suddenly affixed that particular sobriquet on Mr. Larabee. Not that "Bad Axe" wouldnt be appropriate in most circumstances, but hed never referred to Chris in that manner before. It was just something Vin had mentioned once...
Was it Ezras imagination, or did everything lately wind back to Mr. Tanner?
Vind told Ezra some time before that Bad Axe was a town in Michigan, and that he hoped to go there, just to see what it was like. Sitting here now, in the board meeting, dosed up on codeine, with a monstrous headache and a treacherous stomach, Ezra had a sudden vision of Bad Axe Michigan being full of Chris Larabee clones. He wouldve laughed at the thought were he in less formal environs.
So, he filed the thought away as something to be laughed at later. He opened the proffered bottle of water, and hoped it truly was poisoned - at least hed be spared the pain of the prolonged tirade Mrs. Stephens was currently spewing.
+ + + + + + +
The wall and the taped patch pulsed in and out of focus as Vin attempted to smooth the joints with shaking hands. Lunch was a hard knot now that he had to fight to keep where it belonged. He wanted his Dad. Suddenly he just wanted his Dad. Hed take Vin home and let him rest, give him tea and toast with honey, have him sleep on the couch and just be there whenever Vin opened his eyes.
Nothing bad ever happened to Vin when his Dad was alive.
If he could just hold on until Chris came back out of that meeting Chris would take him home. But who knew how long the meeting would take, and Vin couldnt interrupt it wouldnt interrupt a board meeting just to ask Chris to take him home.
He began to pack his tools and materials back into the pail. All the aches and pains were back full force. His ribs ached, his back spasmed, the scratches pulled and itched under his clothes. If he could just make it back to Chris office, hed take more painkillers and sleep again. Hed lock the door and sleep until Chris came back.
If he could make it back to Chris office.
The campus loomed wide and menacing in Vins mind as he imagined walking back across it alone. Then he imagined walking across it with his Dad. Or with Chris or Buck or Josiah. Vin imagined walking across the campus less than a week ago when nothing had changed, and nobody hated him for something he didnt want to happen, and his life hadnt fractured into a million shards that he couldnt keep hold of.
But now Ezra was nervous around him and JD was mad at him. Nettie apparently couldnt even stand to talk to him. Chris, Buck, and Josiah were all at work and his Dad was gone and would never come back.
The pain was too much to bear. Vin wanted somebody with him now. Somebody whod tell him what to do, how to hold on, somebody whod tell him he didnt have to live and suffer and grieve alone anymore. But he was alone, and the pain felt like a hand squeezing down hard on his heart, and he knew he wouldnt be able to stand it another minute.
Vin left Ezras office, not even taking his supplies with him. He walked as fast as he could down the hallway, not lifting his head, trying to breathe over the pain and fear and dread. If he could just make it back to Chris office, hed be all right. If he could just make it back to Chris office He repeated the one thought - Chris office - trying to keep his mind focused on just that.
FORTY-NINE
It was only by sheer force of will that Vin didnt lose his lunch as he hurried toward Chris office. He shouldnt have had the pizza. He shouldnt have had the soda pop.He shouldnt have survived the attack.
Lying dead and buried couldnt feel this bad.
Suddenly, crossing the distance to Chase Hall seemed too much for Vin, and he headed for the nearest shelter the shrine of St. Michael the Archangel that dominated the middle of the Green. The larger-than-life statue stood inside a stonework shelter that had several arched doorways on either side. Not quite indoors, it was enough not-quite-outdoors to make Vin feel relatively safe to sit inside on the first seat. He gripped the cement bench on either side of himself and leaned forward, trying to steady his breathing and wait for his heartbeat to get back under control. Still trying to keep his stomach from turning inside out.
One small part of his brain tried to get him to pay attention to what was happening and why, tried to get him to calm down and think rationally. That part of his brain was totally overridden by the fear and nausea. The more his heart pounded in his chest, the more the assorted aches, fractures, and lacerations pounded right along with it. The rush of blood roaring in his ears drowned out the sound of approaching footsteps.
+ + + + + + +
JD knew that the Board Meeting was underway, and he knew that Chris had to be there, so he felt a little more secure going about his duties on the campus, before heading to the Student Union for a long-delayed lunch. Maybe he couldnt avoid Chris forever, but hed try to make it take as long as possible.
As he walked across the Green, he glanced at the St. Michael shrine, and saw someone inside. Whoever it was, they didnt look well, head down, bowed over, and JD automatically turned to go to them. He was about fifteen feet away or so when he realized it was Vin. He stopped dead, and waited a second to see if Vin noticed he was there.
Then he waited another second to see if he could tell whether Vin was all right.
Vin didnt notice him, and he didnt seem to be hurt or anything, just sitting there, so JD moved away again. He looked back a few times as he walked to the Union. He should just check on Vin. He was hurt after all, JD didnt want to just leave him there by himself. Wasnt like Vin was sitting there for his health, didnt look like anyway. Thered be no harm in just asking Vin if he was okay, or if he needed anything.
So, JD turned reluctant steps back toward Vin. But just as he did, he saw Nathan crossing the Green, heading right for the shrine. He breathed a long sigh of relief.
He was surprised when he realized the relief wasnt that he didnt have to go to Vin, but because he knew Nathan would take care of Vin.
Still, he stood and watched a moment just to be sure.
+ + + + + + +
The hard knot that had been earlier in his throat, now felt firmly lodged against Vins lungs. Not quite nausea, not quite fear, it felt more like regret. He shouldve just stayed in his apartment and not told anybody what happened. He couldve taken some sick days, or maybe told Chris he was going out of town, though he never went out of town. Maybe he shouldve driven somewhere and put his truck into a tree to explain his injuries, instead of telling the real reason. Maybe he could just tell everybody it was a mistake, that really he was okay. Not that anybody would believe him. But hed rather hide behind that lie than stand with the truth.
He wondered how long Chris would be in that meeting, he couldnt interrupt a Board Meeting just to ask Chris to take him home. That would look great in front of the Judge and all the other Board members. Hed just take a few more minutes to catch his breath and then make one more attempt to reach Chris office. Hed be okay if he could get to Chris office. If he could get to Chris office, all he had to do was wait until Chris came out of his meeting and then hed take Vin home. And then anyway while he was waiting for Chris, there was still the bathroom right there in case he got sick again or if he wanted some water or if he needed to wash his hands and anyway he could lock the door and pull the blinds and nobody would know that he was in there and hed be safe until Chris came back and
Vin? The voice, and a hand on his shoulder, startled Vin. He pushed to his feet, shoved the other person away, and ran out the nearest archway. They had found him. They were after him. The voice, the hand, pursued him, reached out and grabbed him again and pulled him back.
Vin? What is it?
Prepared to fight off his attacker, it took a several seconds for Vin to focus on who it was. Nathan. It was Nathan standing there, holding onto Vins arm to keep him from running away. Even when he did recognize him, the terror stayed so fixed and dry in his mouth that Vin couldnt say anything. When Nathan asked, Are you okay? all Vin could do was nod and try to swallow around the fear.
I came looking for you. Nathan went on. What in the sam hill are you doing here? You should be at home resting. You not well enough to be standing upright, much less doing physical work. He gestured to the flecks of joint compound on Vins hand. Chris ought to know better than to make you come to work.
My idea. Vin finally got the words out. Didnt want to do nothing, sitting at home. I wanted to come to work. He pulled out of Nathans grip. Just stopped for a minute to rest. Im going back to Chris office.
Nuh unh. You come back with me to the clinic, let me check you over.
Im fine Nathan. There was a thin tremble in Vins voice, fear that was turning into panic. Leave me alone.
I want to check your sutures, check those scratches for infection. Nathan went on as though he hadnt heard Vins refusal. I need to find out if those lacerations are healing He put his hand out again, as though to touch Vin. It was all too much.
No! You dont touch me. You dont come near me. Vin shouted at Nathan. Nobody is ever coming near me again. You hear me? Get away from me. Leave me the hell alone. But Nathan took hold of his arm anyway.
Vin - . and Vin pulled out his grasp so hard that he stumbled backwards right into the stone wall of the shrine. Pain exploded throughout his head and his body, and he sank down to the ground.
+ + + + + + +
Chris lost count of the number of times Mrs. Stephens mentioned her late husbands money. Usually he passed the time at these meetings and kept himself awake by laying bets with himself beforehand, but this time his mind was a dozen different elsewheres. Glancing over at the legal pad Ezra was busily scribbling into, Chris saw that he was writing out lines of Shakespeare and poetry and advertising jingles. Chris decided that the very next time she stopped for a breath, he was going to call a halt to her little filibuster.
The moment came, and he was halfway out of his chair when the door to the Boardroom burst open and JD appeared, looking out of breath and worried. He only said two words: Chris Vin, and three men Chris, JD and Ezra were out of the office and gone.
+ + + + + + +
When they got to the shrine, Vin was trying to push himself up on unsteady arms, snapping at Nathan every time he tried to get close enough to help. Dont touch me. Dont you dare touch me. I swear to God Ill kill you if you touch me. His voice was hoarse with pain. Chris waved Nathan off and crouched in front of Vin, reassuring him even before he had the chance to threaten.
Im not gonna touch you Vin. Just settle down for a minute and catch your breath. And Vin did give up the struggle then. He sank back against the stone and squeezed his eyes shut, breathing heavily through clenched teeth. Chris looked around the area, a few people had noticed the commotion and were staring or walking up for a closer look. JD a little crowd control here? Ezra? he pulled his keys out of his pocket. Get my truck will you? Pull it right up here.
Across the Green? Ezra asked.
Across Mrs. Stephens damn Memorial Tulip Bed if you can manage it. Chris said. Nathan what happened?
Before Nathan could answer, Vin opened his eyes, and saw the other men still standing there. What the hell are you looking at? he continued to shout and made another weak attempt to stand up. Get away from me just get the hell away from me. I dont want you standing there .
Vin Chris interrupted him. Take it easy, theyre leavin OK? Just sit still for a minute.
Get em away from me. Just get them away from me. His voice had turned to pleading, and he shut his eyes again in pain. Ezra and JD moved off, and Nathan crouched next to Chris.
He hit his back on the wall Chris. We need to get him to the clinic. When Ezra brings your truck, you bring him right over there. Im going to go set up He left as well and Chris turned his attention back to Vin, who still had his eyes closed, and his head tipped back against the stone.
God, I wish I was dead. Vin whispered.
Dont even joke about that. Chris said seriously. Vin shook his head and needed a couple of breaths to answer.
Im not joking. I cant do this anymore. I cant. Its just too much.
Just take things one at a time Vin..
Things dont come at me one at a time Chris. Vin complained. Seems to hit me like an avalanche every time. He took a few more shaky breaths. Make it go away Chris, will you? Just make it all go away. He sounded as young as Billy. I dont want to do this anymore. I want somebody to make it all go away.
Okay Vin. I will. Chris promised, though he had no idea how he would keep that promise. His only thought right now was calming Vin down enough to convince to go to the clinic. Ill make it all go away.
FIFTY
Sharp, icy, blinding pain clawed through Vins brain from the wound in back of his head to his eyes in front, and it twined up and through and around his spine and his arms and legs, until even the tips of his fingers twitched with it. He felt cold and hot and shivering, with chilly sweat rolling down his skin under his clothes.He sat on the grass next to the shrine, with his arms under his knees and his head bent down, trying to wait out the surges and swells of pain. Chris had stood up again, probably waiting for Ezra to bring his truck over. Vin tried to picture Ezra Standish driving a beat up old pickup truck, but thinking about it only made his head swim worse.
One particularly sickening spasm rippled out from his spine and clutched at his ribs, and Vin sat back with a gasp, trying to ease it. Chris was at his side again in an instant. Vin . He put his hand on Vins shoulder and it seemed like he intended to say more, but Vin reached over blindly to grip that hand in his own.
Make it stop. He barely managed to force out the words through clenched teeth. Please God Chris make it stop hurting.
Ezras on his way with the truck Vin, well get you to the clinic. Chris sounded scared.
Dont want Ezra dont want clinic
Vin we have to get you to the clinic. You have to let Nathan take care of you.
Nathans fault. Vin growled. Told him leave me alone. Dont want Nathan dont want Ezra Another spasm ricocheted through him. It first made Vin arch his spine backwards, then when it passed, left him limp and enervated, and he collapsed against the only strength he knew Chris.
+ + + + + + +
Damn Ezra anyway for being slow. Watching Vin flinch and twist in agony against the stone wall, Chris almost gave in to the urge to get him into a firemans carry and head for the clinic on his own. Just as he made up his mind to go ahead and do it, the episode seemed to pass, and Vin sagged against him. Chris put his arm around Vin to keep him upright and looked up gratefully to see his old Dodge come barreling across the up-till-that-moment pristine Green.
Ezras here Vin, well get you to Nathan.
Dont want -. Vin started again and Chris cut him off.
This isnt about what you want anymore Vin. You need to go to the clinic. He wasnt about to take no for an answer, but he heard a whispered agreement.
Okay.
Ezra hit the brakes and slid to a stop a safe distance from the two men. He got out of the truck, and came to stand next to them. He shifted a little, almost nervously, as though he wasnt sure what to do next. Chris gestured him over and nodded toward Vin.
Get his arm, and be gentle.
But as Ezra nodded and stepped forward to help, Vin snapped at him. Dont want your help. The sentence came out broken and ragged on sharp breaths of pain. Ezra stopped, but Chris gave Vin short shrift.
Ah, shut the hell up, nobody cares what you want. Cmon Ezra. Chris noticed the hard look Vin turned on him, but at least he didnt offer any more argument as Ezra took a few hesitant steps forward and gently took hold of Vins arm. Together they eased Vin to his feet. Once standing, Chris intended to support Vin over to the truck, but Vin pulled out of their grip.
I can walk.
You cant walk all the way to the clinic. Chris said.
Like bouncing around in your truck is gonna do me any favors. Vin began to walk away, looking every step like he was about to topple forward. He only got as far as the truck though, and stopped to lean back against the grill. He held his arms pressed to his ribs. You coming, or what? he asked Chris.
Yeah Chris wondered if Vin was agreeing to the truck now or not. Ezra
Ah yes Ezra anticipated Chris next remark. No doubt the Board Meeting is toast. I shall convey your regrets Then Ezras eyes flicked over to Vin. Mr. Tanner But nothing else came out and Vin turned away and limped to the back of the truck. Yes, well Ezra turned in the opposite direction and walked away.
+ + + + + + +
Hell if Vin would show any more weakness in front of Ezra than he absolutely had to. Just standing up straight was agonizing, but he wouldnt show pain and he wouldnt show fear, and he sure the hell wasnt going to show gratitude. If Larabee didnt get in gear sometime soon, Vin decided hed walk himself over to Ezras office and put an even bigger hole in the wall than hed just repaired. And hed use Ezra to do it if he had to.
But in a few seconds, Chris was at his side. Ready?
Not going to the clinic. Vin said. He expected a quick and pointed argument from Chris, so he was surprised to be asked:
Where do you want to go?
Though Vin ran every single possibility through his mind, he couldnt settle on any one place that he really wanted to go. I left my tools in Ezras office.
Ill send somebody over to get them for you. Chris said, and there was a hollow of silence while Vin still worked on sorting out what he wanted to do.
Nathans only gonna want me to to . he made a vague sweeping gesture with his arm. do things I dont want to do.
You in a lot of pain? Chris asked.
Yeah. Vin admitted.
Do you think you mighta done more damage to yourself? To your back?
I dont know, I guess I might have. Vin rolled his shoulders a little and the pain shot up and down his spine. Sure does hurt.
Well go to the clinic Vin. Chris said. And Nathan will not do or make you do one single thing that you dont want, okay? and Vin gave him a long look before nodding.
Okay.
+ + + + + + +
Worse than Nathan Rain was waiting for them as they made slow progress into the clinic. Normally, in real life, Chris liked Rain, and appreciated her thoroughness and dedication. But not now, not today. Nathan at least, Chris could generally bluff and bluster his way around when he had to. But not Rain.
She greeted them both and said, Nathan told me to expect you. Hes on a conference call right now, and I dont know how long hell be.
Ill wait. Vin said, and Rain probably thought he was joking. She smiled and then said to Chris:
It will be awhile. I can call you at your office when were all through.
Im staying.
Rain seemed surprised. Well, if youd like. She gestured to the waiting area. It will be awhile.
Im staying with Vin.
No Chris. She said it as though it was the final word. You can wait out here, or you can wait in your office, but you cant be in the exam room.
Maybe it was the wasted hour spent listening to Mrs. Stephens bullying monologue, maybe it was not getting enough sleep last night, maybe it was being so worried about Vin, or maybe it was nothing at all. Chris took a step slightly in front of Vin. I stay or he doesnt.
FIFTY-ONE
As Ezra made his short, slow journey back to the Board meeting, he had the curious sensation of dragging something along behind himself. Not something physical of course, he knew that wasnt the case. Nevertheless, it was something quite tangible and heavy, and attempting to progress under its weight proved almost futile. The farther he removed himself from St. Michaels shrine, the more his mind was drawn back there and the agonies Vin had been suffering, and the heavier Ezras burden became.This situation was not improved by the sight of JD apparently waiting for Ezra at the steps of Ketchum Hall. It was too late and would be too obvious to attempt to elude him now, so Ezra took a deep breath and forged ahead.
Mr. Dunne.
Ezra JD clearly had something on his mind, so Ezra stopped and prompted,
You wish to discuss the foregoing event?
Hunh?
Another sigh and a roll of his eyes that he just couldnt help. You wish to discuss what just happened with Mr. Tanner?
Oh yeah. Yeah. I just I mean JD stammered a moment. You ran out there pretty fast to help him. It almost sounded like an accusation.
As you did yourself. Ezra pointed out. You even summoned Mr. Larabee to his aide.
Oh yeah. But I mean, if Chris found out something happened to Vin and that I knew but didnt tell him well I wouldnt want to be me if Chris found out a thing like that.
The thinking was convoluted enough and the rationale was JD enough that Ezra was inclined to believe him. But as that rationale did not satisfy the question of his own conduct, Ezra cast a questioning eye on JD.
Well, it just happened. JD went on. I didnt think about it, I just yknow? Nathan was there and Vin was yelling and then he fell and I couldnt not help him. I just ran and got Chris. I couldnt not help Vin you know?
Strangely Yes Mr. Dunne, I do know
+ + + + + + +
What is your problem?I could ask you the same thing.
My only concern is for Vin.
And mine isnt?
Your attitude isnt helping him.
Neither is yours.
After awhile, the voices blurred so that Vin could no longer differentiate between Chris yelling at Rain, and Rain yelling at Chris. He couldnt blame either one of them; Chris was being deliberately annoying, and Rain was being deliberately annoyed. She opened drawers that she took nothing out of, just because Chris was standing in front of them. She muttered once or twice this isnt going to work and added a few more choice words, and spent a whole lot of time trying to need all the space in the little exam room.
Chris for his part never got around to telling Rain that he was staying because Vin was scared. Maybe Rain wouldve understood that. Then again, maybe not. But Vin was pretty sure that Chris minimal explanation of Im staying because Im staying was offered solely to piss off Rain. Because it sure did work. The argument had erupted not five minutes after Chris and Vin walked into the clinic, and it raged still.
With the result that Vin hadnt been looked at yet.
Finally, though Vin couldnt say why, the argument raged its way out of the exam room and into the hallway, leaving him alone. He thought about lying down, but didnt think his back would support him doing that without a lot of pain. He thought about sneaking out, but the coast definitely was not clear yet.
He thought about not wanting to live with this pain and shame anymore.
So then he had to not think about all the possible ways to make that happen.
Nathan came into the exam room after a few minutes, shaking his head. Dont know as Id like to place bets on whos going to win that one he said of the angry debate still alive in the hall. Both of them ought to know better than to go twisting the other ones tail He shut the door and stood in front of Vin. How are you?
Tired of hurting.
I can imagine. Nathan said, without a word about being sorry to have caused Vin his latest physical trauma. That annoyed Vin. Bolstered by the knowledge that Chris was only literally a shout away, Vin decided hed had enough.
Im also tired of people trying to decide for me where Ill go and what Ill do, and not taking my word for their answer. That retort hit its mark, and Vin saw a flicker of shame cross Nathans face, and he realized he was glad.
Vin, you need to have your injuries monitored.
No, I need to do what I need to do, and not one damn thing more. So you tell me what you want to do, and Ill tell you what Ill let you do.
+ + + + + + +
Chris, the examination will go a lot more smoothly, and be much less embarrassing for Vin if you arent there. Rain insisted.
It wont embarrass Vin to have me there, because youre not going to be doing anything he doesnt want you to do.
He has severe physical wounds that need to be taken care of.
Yeah, and hes got some emotional wounds that are even worse Rain. You dont seem to care anything at all about them.
I realize that Vin has suffered a trauma but the very fact that he came to work today testifies to the fact that he is dealing with this crisis very well.
Oh get over yourself, will you? The only thing it testifies to is that I didnt want to leave him by himself for eight hours or better.
He doesnt need a babysitter. Rain said.
No he needs a friend. He needs a lot of friends, and from what I can tell, he doesnt have as many as he did a week ago. Chris remark seemed to bristle Rain. Her voice dropped.
Youre not his only friend.
And youre sure the hell not the only doctor in town.
The tirade came to an end when Nathan stepped between the two combatants. You can both put a sock in now, you drove away all our patients, and set off three car alarms. Plus the object of your discussion has gone back to x-ray with Amanda.
What did you do to him? Chris asked, no small threat in his voice.
Nothing that he didnt want me to do. He agreed to x-rays and having me look at his back. Nothing else. If you want to go back and wait for him Chris please do. Lets see if we can regain some professional composure around here.
With one final glare, Chris moved past the two doctors and walked down to the x-ray suite.
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