Nettie walked back to her house, so deep in thought she didn't see the people she passed, and didn't hear their greetings. She set herself on her top step, and sat there a long time while Buck's words echoed in her head. He's scared of people like you... Her? Vin was scared of her?She thought back to the first time they'd met - the first time after the lost dog incident. It was the first day after that big storm. Walking down to the corner drugstore, she saw Vin out front of his apartment building, shoveling a path from the front door to the mailbox at the curb. Behind him, the door opened, and a frail, crumpled woman, swathed in scarves and shawls and earmuffs, and wearing bedroom slippers on her feet, tottered out into the path with one slim envelope in her hand.
"Now Mrs. Stempniak!" he'd scolded the elderly lady. "Y' know I coulda had that letter mailed for you an hour ago!" He stabbed the shovel into the snow bank and hurried to take her arm. "Don't need to be so all-fired independent all the time you know..." Still, the gentleness of his actions spoke louder than his words, as he guided her to the mailbox and held the slot open for her, then waited patiently as her tremulous hand took forever to slip the letter inside.
When it was accomplished, withered fingers came up to pat his cheek, and he helped her back to the door and watched until she must've gotten back to her first floor apartment. Then he took up the shovel and began his task again.
Now, in the wind and the heat, Nettie sat on her steps and realized - "I really do wish Vin was dead!"
"Aunt Nettie?" Casey's voice broke through. Nettie looked up to see her niece standing at the foot of the steps in front of her. "What's going on?"
"Casey! How long have you been standing there?" Nettie felt disoriented to find herself back in the present, when that past memory had seemed so real. "What time is it? I put dinner on to keep it warm..." she got up and headed for the front door. Casey followed Nettie into the house.
"What were you talking about, you wish Vin was dead?"
"Nothing honey. Nothing. Just something I've got to work out in my mind..."
+ + + + + + +
Buck loved coming to Chris and Mary's house. Billy always greeted him with a hug, Cowboy always greeted him with a kiss - and Mary usually greeted him with both. Though not blood related, they were his family. Even Chris. Maybe especially Chris. There were times when Buck referred to Chris as 'my brother' when relating an anecdote to someone who didn't know any different.
He always looked forward to coming to this house.
Tonight Cowboy greeted him first, jumping up to have Buck catch his front paws, and leaning up as far as he could, trying to plant an excited wet lick on him. His tail thudded loudly against the washing machine, and he grumbled low in his throat, as though trying to speak his greeting.
Mary greeted Buck next, wrapping one arm around him and leaning her head into his shoulder. "It's good to see you..." she said. Her tone made him ask:
"What's going on?"
She gave him a look, but shook her head. "Nothing. Just glad to see you..." She gave him an extra hard squeeze. "Chris is in the family room, waking Vin up for dinner."
"Well, I'd go give him a hand, but I sure do like it here..." Buck sensed there was something more going on, and he wrapped both arms around her. "Which one of you isn't OK?" She was about to answer him, when they heard Chris behind them, clearing his throat.
"Uh - Buck? Think maybe you could let go of my wife?"
"Aw Chris - I'm just keeping her warm till you got back!" Buck said. He gave Mary a fast kiss before releasing her. "Well Chris - you're looking a might more alive than when I left here this morning. Vin?" he looked to his friend, standing just behind Chris' left shoulder in the kitchen doorway. Vin looked just as bad as Buck had left him that morning, faded and worn down. "Got your mail for you."
"Good - thanks." But he made no move to step away from Chris. Buck pulled one envelope from his pocket and walked it over.
"Just a couple of adverts and this...got yourself one sweet little friend in Maria there..." he held out the overstuffed package. Vin hesitated, then brought his hand up to accept the gift. A tired smile played on his face.
"Did you see her while you were there? She doing OK?"
The question made Buck think of who he did see when he was there, but that bit of information was best left until much later. "No, didn't see her. She slipped that under your door."
Vin eyed the bundle in his hand. "I must got a space under that door a foot high ...thanks Buck..." he said again.
"Well dinner's ready." Mary said. "Grab a seat."
As they each got themselves situated at the table, Buck made a mental note to get Mary alone for a little chat. He had a pretty good notion that she knew what was going on, and he wanted her opinion of Vin's state of mind and being. "Where's Billy?" he asked, as the room was deadly quiet.
"He's spending the night with Mom and Dad." Mary told him. "They're going to drop him off tomorrow morning."
"Sure - if they can pry him away from Chuckee Cheese and Veggie Tales!" Buck took himself some green beans, and then tried to hand the bowl on to Vin, who still stared at Maria's envelope. When he realized what was going on, he stuffed the envelope into a pocket. He had that look on his face, like he'd had at breakfast, as though he was surprised to realize he was expected to eat.
"Sorry." He mumbled as he took the bowl. "Been sleeping all day, think my brain is still half a step behind..."
"They had the 'Larabee Lush'." Mary whispered conspiratorially.
"Please -" Chris said, as though he was in pain. "My head - I just got it stapled back on."
"Larabee Lush, hunh?" Buck gave him a look. "All that chocolate sauce and whipped cream - it's not your head I'm worried about!"
+ + + + + + +
"Aunt Nettie? Are you all right?" For the second time that afternoon, Casey's voice brought Nettie out of a reverie.
"What honey? No - nothing. I'm fine."
"You still thinking about Vin?" They sat at the dining room table. Nettie's food was entirely untouched.
"What?"
"Are you thinking about Vin? You were saying something about him on the front step before...you know..." Casey was reluctant to repeat it. "You said you wished he was dead..."
"That is not what I said!"
"I heard you Aunt Nettie - plain as day. You were sitting on the step when I got home and -" But Casey's narration was cut off when Nettie abruptly stood up and left the room. After another moment, she heard her Aunt go out the back door. She followed her out, and found Nettie standing at the slat fence that surrounded her wilting garden.
"What is it Aunt Nettie?"
The older woman let out a deep breath. "It's a lot of things honey. I've been trying to get it all straight in my mind, but it's just not coming together."
"About Vin?" Casey tried again, cautiously. "About what happened to him?"
"That's one of the things..."
"What else?" Casey prompted, when Nettie didn't go on. Finally, her Aunt turned to sit on the back steps. Casey sat next to her.
"Casey - when I was your age, having a child out of wedlock was something to be hidden, not celebrated. Children of divorced parents were shunned at school and in society." She let out another breath. "In an era like that, I was raised to believe that ‘good girls don’t get raped, and bad girls shouldn’t complain when they do.’ It seems so archaic now honey, but the girls in my sorority would say ‘death before defilement’. One of our sisters, my freshman year of college, one of our sorority sisters - she was just a tiny little thing, probably not even one hundred pounds soaking wet. She was attacked one night, walking home." A shudder ran through her body.
"You don’t have to tell me this Aunt Nettie."
"No, I do. He did horrific things to her Casey, and he left her for dead under a pile of leaves..." She had to try a few times before the next sentence came out, and her voice wasn’t strong. "She died Casey - and we all thought she was better off. We actually thought ‘thank God she died instead of having to live with that.’" She went on as though she couldn’t believe her own words. "I was happy for her that she died." "And I was disappointed that Vin didn’t. God help me Casey - I think I really wished that Vin was dead."
THIRTY-SIX
“Vin?” Buck’s voice brought him back to the table. “You want another biscuit ‘fore I set them back?” Surprised, Vin surveyed the situation. Buck was holding the wire basket of baking powder biscuits, offering them to Vin. He looked down at his plate. What had he eaten? Most of whatever he’d put on his plate. Not meatloaf…chicken, maybe? Whatever it was, he’d eaten it, and he still felt okay. He could chance another biscuit.He nodded and took one. “Thanks.”
“You bet…hey Chris – you remember that time we decided to try making biscuits in the dutch oven over an open fire in your yard? How long ago was that? The bottoms were charcoal and the tops were raw.” Buck laughed, but tried to remember it more specifically. “Musta been right after we met. I remember wondering what I’d gotten myself in for…was twelve years ago, wasn’t it?”
“What d’you mean, what you were in for?” Chris asked. He added to Vin: “I came outta my house to find flames three feet high, and some fool standing there with a can of kerosene. You know Buck, they have laws against open fires within city limits. I’m lucky I survived this long knowing you.”
“I recall saving your life.” Buck tried.
“It doesn’t count if you were the one who almost killed me…” Chris retorted.
As they talked, Vin calculated. Twelve years. Chris and Buck had known each other twelve years. Vin’d only known them three years. Only a quarter of the time. That’d be like somebody knowing Chris nine months to Vin’s three years. Hardly any time at all. Buck would always be Chris’ oldest friend, and Vin would always be –
Dirty.
The word just pushed itself into his head. He didn’t want to think that, Chris kept telling him that it wasn’t true; he tried to remember exactly what Chris said that made so much sense saying that Vin wasn’t dirty. Chris knew what happened to Vin, and he didn’t think Vin was dirty. Did that make sense? Maybe Chris was lying? But Chris didn’t lie. But maybe he would lie to his friends? But Buck was his oldest friend, and Vin was just his most recent friend. And maybe Chris was just waiting until Vin went away because nobody ever stayed in Vin’s life more than a few years and those few years with Chris were pretty much done and so maybe Chris wasn’t really lying he was only maybe stalling and Vin was dirty and not really Chris’ friend and –
A gentle hand on his arm and Mary’s voice saying his name brought Vin’s wild train of thought to a screeching halt. He looked up to find her looking at him, concerned. Chris and Buck had stopped talking as well. “Vin?” she asked gently. “Are you okay? You look like you’re in pain.”
“I just –.” He looked briefly from face to face, seeing only concern. “Just got lost – trying to remember something is all. I’m okay…”
“I think you been spending too much time around Chris.” Buck joked. “He gets lost tying his shoes…”
“Buck - you got lost once in your own apartment building.” And the joshing started up again. Mary gave Vin’s arm a strong squeeze, and seemed to search his face a bit before smiling.
Vin returned the smile hesitantly. He knew Mary didn’t know what happened, so he didn’t have to worry that she’d be deciphering what exactly he might’ve got lost thinking about. He didn’t have to worry that she’d know he was dirty. He took a chance and placed his hand over hers, something he’d never do before, and smiled at her more confidently.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra let himself into his duplex, stopping briefly to pull his mail out of the mailbox hanging next to the front door. Scanning his bundle, he immediately dropped most of the envelopes into the wastebasket that sat inside the door for just that purpose. A couple of bills, still no postcard from his mother, and the rest anonymous offers and requests. One by one he let them drop from his hand into the waiting receptacle.
He pushed out of his mind every thought about Vin and the whole sorry mess. He wasn’t going to think about it. He told himself repeatedly that he wasn’t going to think about it. There was nowhere to go with it, no way to make sense of what his intellect was telling his feelings.
Vin was his friend.
Apparently not.
Vin hadn’t changed.
He had changed irrevocably.
It wasn’t Vin’s fault.
Well, it was somebody’s fault.
Wasn’t it?
Setting his bills and briefcase onto the desk in the living room, Ezra walked out to the kitchen, intending to start dinner. He found his cupboards and refrigerator nearly bare, but he was in no mood to go out, so he made do with leftover tortellini. He sat down to eat at his kitchen table, with a bottle of water and some sliced vegetables, but he’d hardly gotten the first swallow down when it occurred to him that Vin had given him these vegetables from the garden Nettie let him have in her modest backyard.
Ezra pushed that thought – and the vegetables – away.
He ate some pasta, and drank some water, and found himself staring at the cupboard door that Vin’d fixed when it wouldn’t stay shut. So Ezra turned his eyes another way.
Onto the chair railing that Vin had installed by himself without question or complaint that Saturday when Ezra had been called into work.
Or the floor where Vin replaced the gouged tile that the landlord never got around to. The refrigerator that wouldn’t sit level until Vin shimmed it. The sink that kept Ezra awake every night for two weeks until Vin –
Abruptly, Ezra pushed himself away from the table and his dinner, and stormed out of the kitchen. Everywhere he looked, he seemed to remember some kindness or skill Vin had bestowed upon him, and never for any payment more than dinner, when Ezra could get him to accept even that. He stood a moment in his living room, not sure what to do. There, on his wall, tucked into a corner of the frame of his Matisse print, Ezra saw the birthday card Vin had sent him not two weeks ago.
Even Maude hadn’t sent him a card yet.
The Matisse print jumped as Ezra slammed the front door behind himself.
+ + + + + + +
When dinner ended, Buck and Chris cleared off the table and Mary let Cowboy outside. Vin sat on the edge of the recliner and looked at the overstuffed envelope Buck had given him from Maria. He almost didn’t want to open it; he was afraid that the simple and utterly heartfelt emotion he knew was inside would be too much to bear. Better to wait until he was by himself and no one to see if he cried. Lord, he’d cried enough today alone to last him the rest of his life. He was surprised he had any moisture left in his body at all. Surprised even more that he could look Buck, or even Chris, in the eye after breaking down in front of them the way he had.
Neither of them mentioned it though, or even seemed to remember. They treated him the way they always did. Except for the occasional instance of being a little more thoughtful than usual. That was all.
That and not mentioning when Vin stuck closer to them than usual, or stood behind them as if they were a shield.
Or the gentle verbal nudges that brought him back to reality when his thoughts took off on their own.
Or cleaning his apartment and reconstructing his bathroom –
Vin stood up. Damn, he didn’t even need to read the letter to be almost reduced to tears. Just holding it in his hand brought it on. He shoved it back into his pocket and went into the kitchen.
THIRTY-SEVEN
Buck hated that Vin had been hurt, hated even more the way that he’d been hurt, and the fact that the scum who did it would probably never be brought to justice. He knew how bad and how long Vin would hurt, and how rocky his recovery was going to be.But he did like seeing Chris in protective mode.
He’d watched him the day before at Vin’s apartment, sticking close by Vin when he could, keeping long distance vigil when he had to. Chris’d sure come a long way from the nearly motionless concern he’d shown Steve just a few years before. Not that Chris didn’t try, not that ultimately it would’ve made any difference in what happened. But it was nice to see that he’d overcome his stoic compassion, to offer a more hands-on kind of support.
Vin came into the kitchen while they were clearing the table, and Chris automatically pulled out a chair and tapped the back of it that Vin should have a seat, as he collected silverware. “Don’t have ice tea, got some lemonade?” he offered.
“No thanks, I’m fine.” Vin took the chair.
“Still kind of windy out, but I was gonna take Buck out back, show him that swampy spot I’ve got at the property line. You feeling up to a walk?”
“Sure.” Vin responded, and Chris lightly patted his shoulder as he walked past.
Knowing now what Buck learned about Vin this morning, it was just as interesting to watch Vin’s reaction to Chris’ concern. He watched him move back and forth across the kitchen, sitting there in Chris’ shirt, with Maria’s letter still stuffed in the pocket. He was keeping his hands curled up into the too-long sleeves, and when the table was clear and Chris asked, “Ready?” Vin nodded, and kept close to him as they headed for the sliding glass doors and the backyard.
Buck followed them out, smiling a little to himself to see Chris watching that Vin got through the doorways OK, and navigated the family room furniture without incident, and finally shadowed him down the stairs off the deck.
Yep, the new improved Chris wasn’t too bad.
+ + + + + + +
“Ezra – why didn’t you tell me you were here?” Inez had been surprised when her evening waitress reported that he was out front. “This isn’t your usual night.”
“Yes, well…” Ezra looked around the neat, busy restaurant, and then back up at Inez who stood next to his table. “I needed to be somewhere…familiar…”
“What’s wrong?” she took the seat in the booth across from Ezra. “Something was wrong last night too…”
“Have you ever…? That is to say – was there ever a time – in your experience, did anyone…” Ezra gave up with a sigh. “Apparently the short answer is that I have no idea what’s wrong.” He sat back as the waitress served him his order of Guinness.
“You’re not eating?”
“No…I find my appetite has abandoned me.” But said nothing else. Inez shook her head, and patted his hand as she stood up to go back to work.
“Ezra – you look as though a friend has abandoned you…” and Ezra stared at her, even long after she had disappeared back into the kitchen.
+ + + + + + +
Vin enjoyed being out in the wind, out in the yard, out with Chris and Buck. The two men talked about the problems of rain and drainage as they headed for the back property line, and Vin let the sound roll around him as his mind went off in another direction.
He counted the hours since he’d been attacked. Friday to Saturday to Sunday to Monday. Seventy-two hours and some change now. Maybe seventy-five hours. It seemed like months and it seemed like just this minute, and it seemed like it would last the rest of his life. His body still hurt, every single part of it. He thought maybe walking would ease the stiffness some and if not – or even if – he could take another shower when they got back to the house.
But worse than the physical pain he could numb with painkillers were the subtle and unpleasant feelings of doom and loathing and filth that no amount of showers or reassurance seemed to take care of for long. It all felt so new and raw.
As long as he could be physically close to Chris, everything seemed okay and all things seemed possible. Or if Chris wasn’t nearby, as long as Buck was there, Vin still felt safe, and even the premeditated hug didn’t seem so bad now. But Vin knew he couldn’t spend the rest of his life – or even the rest of this week – tagging alongside of them like a little kid being unwillingly babysat by his old brothers.
No - not unwillingly.
Not on either side.
Chris’d been nothing but supportive right from the first second he’d laid eyes on Vin Saturday afternoon. Even after he’d found out, or figured it out. If anything, he was even more considerate and supportive once he did know. Buck was a walking teddy bear that made everything better just by being within arms reach. Vin wondered where his empathy and compassion came from, but he didn’t want to question it. He was just glad it was there.
+ + + + + + +
When Inez came back to the booth almost an hour later, Ezra had barely touched the dark alcohol in front of himself. He stared at nothing – or something – in the bench seat across the table. When she asked if he was all right, it took a moment for him to realize he was being spoken to, and he turned his eyes up to her.
“I beg your pardon?”
“What’s wrong Ezra?” She took the seat again across from him.
“I assure you, I am in the utmost health and -.”
“You look like someone ran over your dog Ezra. After yesterday – I know something is going on.” When he still hesitated, she asked, “Is there anything I can do?”
He took a deep breath and let it out. “No, thank you Inez. While I do appreciate the offer, one must know what is wrong before one can determine what will help. I wouldn’t want you to waste your effort.” He took a sip then of his Guinness; he didn’t even taste it.
“It wouldn’t be a wasted effort Ezra. If you do figure out what’s wrong, or what I can do to help, you let me know.”
+ + + + + + +
Even while he talked to Buck as they walked along, Chris kept an eye on Vin. He had his hands shoved into his jeans pockets and walked a little hunched and stiff next to him and Buck. He had a perplexed look on his face and didn’t seem to be listening to them. He was about to say something to draw Vin into the conversation when Buck did it.
“Vin – you ever have a problem like this at the University?” indicating the swampy ground in front of them.
Chris was grateful for the change that came over Vin. The perplexed look disappeared and was replaced by the thoughtful, concentrated e_xpression Chris was used to seeing on Vin’s face. Vin turned his full attention on Buck and told him about a similar situation at the school and how they’d solved it and why he didn’t think that would work in this instance, and Chris watched Vin talk to Buck, and he watched Buck listen to Vin.
He was actually kind of surprised by the care Buck was taking of Vin. Not that Buck didn’t have a tender side to him – he had the biggest heart Chris could imagine. But something like this, what had happened to Vin – well, they sure had enough proof in the rest of their group of friends how many ways something like this could be distorted. But Buck never missed a beat.
Vin seemed to appreciate his concern and kindness, and Chris sure appreciated knowing there was somebody else Vin could turn to if necessary. Wouldn’t do to wall himself off. Ultimately that wouldn’t help at all. Chris knew that from his own God-awful experience. Vin had friends, and his friends would see him through this.
THIRTY-EIGHT
While Chris and Buck continued to discuss drainage and property lines, Vin turned to look back toward the house. They were a distance away, maybe a quarter of a mile. He wondered if he could walk that far by himself. Not that he was in any hurry to get back to the house, he just wondered if he could walk that far all alone.He thought about it. He pictured himself doing it. At first it was OK; the guys were behind him, the house was in front of him. No problem. But then it was too far away from Chris and Buck, and he couldn’t see himself getting any closer to the house, and he could feel the panic rising in him as though he were really walking out there alone.
Stupid, he knew. No one could “get” him out here. They weren’t anywhere around. He knew that. His mind knew it. Now if he could just get his heart and soul to believe it, he’d be all set.
“Ready to head back?” Chris’ voice broke into Vin’s thoughts.
“Uh – yeah. Guess so…”
The three of them took a slow walk back to the house, and stopped when they got to the deck. Mary came out of the house, Cowboy behind her.
“Well, reckon I’ll head on home.” Buck said. “Vin – you want me to keep your keys, check your mail again tomorrow?”
“You don’t have to do that Buck. We – I – it’s not that important…” But really, Vin liked the idea of Buck just stopping by to keep an eye on things.
“I practically drive by there anyway. It’ll give me an excuse to invite myself over for dinner again.”
“Like you need an excuse.” Mary told Buck. She reached up to give him a hug goodbye. “Take care of yourself.”
“I will.” Buck gave her a solid hug. He gave Vin a very brief but firm one-armed hug. “See you tomorrow Vin…” and then he turned to Chris with a playful look in his eyes.
“Don’t even think about it.” Chris warned him.
“Come on – don’t be shy!” Buck got hold of him before he could go too far, grabbing Chris in a bear hug from behind. “See! Nothing to be afraid of!”
“Let me go!” Chris insisted, but he was laughing. “I’m a married man…”
“You’re an old man.” Buck corrected him, finally letting go. “C’mon old man, walk me out to my truck…Mary, Vin – I’ll see you tomorrow…” and the two friends headed around the house to the driveway, Cowboy happily keeping pace with them. When they got to the trucks, Buck stopped. “How was he today?” he asked. Chris shrugged.
“Back and forth. He was bad this morning after I told him about JD and Ezra. He was okay after you…talked to him. He slept a lot during the afternoon. He was having a bad dream when I woke him up for dinner. He seems okay now.” Chris shrugged again. “Back and forth.”
“Yeah…I know how it is.” Buck agreed. “So…how are you?”
“Me?” The question obviously surprised Chris.
“You.” Buck insisted. “Seeing one of your best friends going through hell isn’t easy on a person.” And he added quietly, “I oughtta know.” He gazed at Chris, raising an eyebrow in question. “Been a long time Larabee, since you had the mother of all headaches.”
“I didn’t sleep well last night.”
“Maybe didn’t sleep at all?”
“…maybe…” Chris allowed.
Buck accepted that small admission. “So, what’s the plan for tomorrow?”
“I don’t know – don’t know if he’d be up to spending some time at work, don’t know as I care to leave him here by himself all day either.” Chris said. “If it comes to it, I can get work done at home. If I really have to, I’ll have JD bring over anything I need from my office.”
“Hunh.” Buck wasn’t impressed. “Best you get to him before I do. I intend t’give that boy a talking-to that’ll keep him standing for a week.”
“Won’t make him feel any more kindly toward Vin.”
“No, I know…” Buck absently rubbed his neck. Inside the house, they heard the phone ring. “Y’know, anytime I’m not at work – if he needs –.”
“A babysitter?” Chris asked, not unkindly.
“A hand, an ear or a shoulder. Vin’s been run down by a monster truck and it could be awhile ‘fore he feels safe crossing the street again. We both know he’s shy of asking for help and so are you. One of you is gonna have to do it.” Chris took a moment to consider this.
“If I need help Buck, I will ask for it.” He promised.
“Good. So I’ll see you.” Buck stepped closer to give Chris a real hug, that Larabee resisted only a little.
“Get outta here Buck, save your charm for the ladies.” He laughed, and held Cowboy’s collar until Buck’s truck disappeared around the bend in the road.
+ + + + + + +
Mary watched Vin watch Chris walk around the side of the house. His black eyes were fading but still obvious, and he kept one arm gently pressed to his ribs. “Have you opened Maria’s letter yet?” she asked, just to get his mind on something other than Chris not being right there.
“Nah, not yet.” He turned his eyes down to his overstuffed pocket. “She’s a sweet kid. She feels real bad that I got hurt helping her.” He ran his fingers over the edge of the envelope, but didn’t take it out. “She’s a real good kid.”
“I bet she’s saying some pretty nice things about you as well.”
“Yeah.” A smile finally turned up on Vin’s face.
The phone rang then and Mary turned to go inside and answer it. Vin followed her in. She went to the phone in the kitchen and Vin stopped in the family room to take Maria’s envelope out and study it. After a few moments though, Mary called:
“Vin – phone. It’s Josiah.” And he tucked the envelope back into his pocket and went out to the phone. He knew he shouldn’t feel the trepidation he felt, it was Josiah, it was a friend, it was his priest for crying out loud. Still, his ‘hello?’ came out a little uncertainly, and he held his breath until he heard Josiah answer.
“Vin – I’m sorry I didn’t have a chance to call you earlier today. Just wanted to check how you’re doing.”
“I’m okay. I – I’m okay.” Vin sifted through the extremes of his day, and picked out what he thought he could tell Josiah. “Slept a lot. Me and Chris played hooky from work and ate a lot of ice cream and watched TV. Just had dinner.” He tried to think of what else to say.
“You’re not thinking of going back to work yet are you?” Josiah asked. “You should take it easy for awhile.”
“Well, Chris promised me desk duty…” Vin pulled a chair out from the table and took a seat. “Otherwise, well otherwise I don’t know about staying by myself…”
“If you need something to keep yourself busy, you can always come by the rectory. Got so many things need repairing, I’m sure there’s a lot you could do would be easy on your back. Can’t pay you, but I will feed you…”
“I may just take you up on that. You know how much I like your stir fry. Your faucet still leaks?”
“Religiously.”
“Don’t quit your day job Josiah…” but there was a laugh in Vin’s tone. “I’m gonna have to reseat it… I’ll clear my schedule for you one of these days. Just working on your kitchen’d take me a month of Sundays…” wondering if Josiah would catch the pun. He did.
“Now who needs to keep their day job?” He asked. “You know I appreciate anything you do to bring the rectory into the modern age.”
“I enjoy helping you Josiah.” Vin said seriously. “The church and the rectory – you got a real peaceful place there. I like being there.”
“I enjoy having you here Vin. Not even just to fix things either.”
“Yeah, I know…” Vin’s voice dropped to a whisper, and he swallowed hard. He had to break the seriousness. “You want me to become a priest – I know you’re praying behind my back Josiah. Don’t deny it.” He heard the deep chuckle on the other end of the phone.
“Hey – the pay stinks but the long term benefits are Heavenly…”
“Joooosiaaaaah…” Vin strung out his name in a groan. “You’re making my back hurt.”
“At least I got you to laugh.” Josiah said. “I have to go, got the Altar and Rosary Society meeting tonight. I just wanted to check on you. I’ll call you again tomorrow, okay?”
“Thanks Josiah. I appreciate it.” They said goodbye and Vin stood up to set the phone back in its cradle. The side door opened down the hallway and Cowboy trotted into the kitchen, followed more slowly by Chris.
“Josiah called, see how I was doing.” Vin told him as he sat back down. “Some day we gotta go over and work on his kitchen faucet.”
“Okay, maybe this Saturday?” Chris took another kitchen chair.
“I’m free…” Vin said, but could tell by the look on Chris’ face that he had something serious to discuss.
“What are we doing about tomorrow?” Chris asked. “You think you’d be up to half a day at work?” Vin took a while to consider it.
“I get an ‘eject’ button with that?”
“Yes.”
“What about the other half? I don’t know if I can be by myself. Yet. For awhile.” Trying to make himself not sound so childish. “I mean, I probably could. I haven’t tried it yet. I just don’t know -.”
“You won’t be alone.” Chris told him. “And you don’t have to go if you don’t want to. And you don’t have to stay longer than you want to.”
As he spoke, Vin felt a familiar fear rising up in him. It must’ve showed on his face, Chris asked: “What?”
“You don’t have to do this for me.” It came out faster than Vin intended. “I’ve taken care of myself before, I can keep doing it. I don’t - I don’t -.”
“Don’t what?” Chris finally had to prod him.
“Don’t want you to be sorry you were ever friends with me.” Vin admitted it softly and reluctantly.
“I could say the same thing.” Chris’ response brought Vin’s head up in surprise. “Even Buck can’t always stand me.” He went on. “Sometimes I wonder if I don’t try to drive people away on purpose. There are times when you’re the only friend I’m sure is still talking to me.” He paused, but Vin didn’t say anything. “I’m not being selfless here Vin, it is pure self interest making sure you’re OK.” He stood up and patted Vin’s shoulder. “For one thing – you’re the only person who can get my truck to start in sub-zero weather. C’mon, let’s grab some lemonade and watch the sunset out on the deck…”
Vin had to consciously push himself to let out the breath he’d been holding, then he got up and followed Chris.
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