They got as far as the front door of the apartment building and Vin froze. He had his duffel bag of clothes, and Chris carried the box of cleaning supplies. Larabee was paying close enough attention to Vin that he barely took one more step before he realized Vin had stopped moving."You okay?"
"Can’t - can’t go out there." Vin sounded breathless.
"Allright, let me bring the truck around -"
"NO! DON’T LEAVE ME!" Then Vin’s eyes went wide at his own outburst. "I just - I can do it. I can. I just need...a minute..."
"Take as long as you need Vin." Chris set his box down and stood closer. He couldn’t just tell Vin he was safe, he had to make him feel it. Vin shut his eyes and bent his head down to the duffel bag. He seemed to be trying to control his breathing.
"Y’ever been scared - so scared - in your whole adult life - so scared that y’couldn’t breathe?" Vin asked.
"Oh yeah, been so scared I could see my heart pounding against my ribs."
"What’d you do? With being so scared?" Vin opened his eyes to look at Chris.
"What’d I do with it?" Chris unwillingly thought back on that day, frantically driving across the city where they used to live, praying desperately to get there in time, get there before it was too late, get there before Steve was dead. "I guess I faced my fear." Vin looked from Chris through the clear glass door to the outside world.
"I can’t," he finally said. "If they were out there. If I saw ‘em, or if they touched me, or if they even just got too close and I could smell ‘em again I don’t think that I’d be able to ---" The words spun out of him.
"All right, just take a breath Vin," Chris tried to calm Vin before he went off into fullblown panic. "They’re not out there. I’m here with you. Nothing will happen." He put his arm around Vin. Wanting to protect him the way he hadn’t protected Steve. "Truck is just around the corner."
"I can’t."
"Okay, it’ll be okay. We don’t have to go anywhere."
Vin didn’t feel safer with Chris nearby. He just felt - empty. Empty and sick. They were going back to Chris’ house where he’d just take up more of their time and room and charity. It couldn’t be long before even Larabee’s friendship would crack under the strain. He could insist on staying here at his apartment, but Chris would just insist on staying with him, no matter how much Vin would say he’d be allright. No matter how much he lied, Chris would stay by his side.
Right up until the moment he decided Vin wasn’t worth it.
"I’m all right," Vin suddenly declared, pulling away from the safe encircling arm. "Y’can go..." he stumbled a little over the words. "...get your truck. I’ll just wait here." He wouldn’t look at Chris.
"No hurry."
"Gotta get home - kept y’away from home too long already." He took a step or two away from Chris, and stiffened when he heard footsteps coming down the staircase. Only pride kept him from seeking the safety of Larabee’s side.
"Vin? Is that you down there?"
"Dr. Hyde?" Vin turned cautiously to look up the stairs. Chris came to stand beside him.
"I thought I heard your voice down here..." The doctor appeared around the landing and came down into the little entryway. "Maria said you were back, I was just stopping by to see how you’re doing."
"You met Chris?" Vin sidestepped the question. "Chris? You met Dr. Hyde, didn’t you?"
"Coupla times. How are you doing?" They shook hands. Dr. Hyde stood taller than Chris, nearly as thin as Vin, with salt and pepper hair.
"Well I’ll tell you, I’m better now that I’ve seen Vin," the doctor said to Chris. "Maria told me you looked like a racoon, and you know, she was right."
"She tell you she scared the spit right outta me just now?"
"No." Concern instantly tightened Dr. Hyde’s expression. "What happened?"
"Vin -" Chris took his opportunity. "I’ll bring the truck around, okay?" and waited for the slight nod before venturing outside.
"So tell me what happened?" Dr. Hyde repeated, watching Vin’s face closely, paying strict attention. Vin shrugged up to his apartment with one shoulder.
"We were getting ready to leave, Maria musta been just about to knock. I opened the door and saw somebody standing there. Thought my heart would never start beating again she scared me so bad."
"Well you probably scared her just as bad." Dr. Hyde crossed his arms and took stock of Vin from top to toes. The crinkle of cheerfulness seemed permanently etched around his eyes. "Are you okay Vin? You’ve been to a doctor, haven’t you?"
"Yeah, my friend and his wife, they’re on staff at school, at work. Chris took me there yesterday..." Vin wasn’t sure he liked the way Dr. Hyde was assessing him.
"Maria told me it was the boys who tried to molest her."
Vin tried to answer, wanted to deny it though there was little sense in that now. He’d never actually told anybody it was them, how did they all know? His attempts at breathing turned into short panting inhalations. "It was nobody. It was nobody," he insisted. Chris’ truck appeared at the curb then, and Dr. Hyde just nodded, laying a hand on Vin’s shoulder.
"You let me know if there’s anything I can do. You’ve done enough for nearly every other person in this building Vin, don’t be shy about asking for help for yourself."
"Yeah...," Vin lied. Chris came through the door.
"Ready?" he asked, picking up his box.
"Yeah," Vin lied again. "Bye Doctor." He walked away, pulling away from the doctor’s hand.
"Take care of yourself Vin - Chris? You call me if you need me. Nettie has my number."
"Thanks Doc. I’ll take good care of him."
Heart and head pounding, Vin pushed the front door open with his shoulder and stepped onto the sidewalk. Instantly his whole body was on alert, every nerve tingling, every muscle primed to flight. Chris took long steps beside him to the truck. He set the box in the bed, flicked open the passenger door, and was back to Vin in a matter of seconds to walk him to the truck.
"I think he knows," Vin said when he was safely stowed in the passenger seat and Chris was starting the truck.
"I don’t think so Vin. I think everybody knows who’s going to know. You can stop worrying about that."
JD found Ezra in his office - he burst through the door breathless and alarmed. "Ezra - I gotta tell you what I just heard in the Student Union..."
TWENTY-FOUR
After setting clean clothes on the bottom bunk in the guest room, Mary headed downstairs just as Vin came up. His head was down and she could see he had a deathgrip on his duffel bag. He wasn’t looking where he was headed."How’d it go?" she asked, more to let him know she was there than because she thought he’d give her a detailed account. Vin flinched in surprise and stopped dead on the second to top stair.
"Mary - didn’t see y’there. How’d it go? Um, okay. Got everything taken care of." He shifted a little like he wanted to keep going, but didn’t want to walk past her. He still wore Chris’ shirt over his own. "Um, I was gonna take a shower. That okay? I brought clothes, you don’t have to do my laundry again." He sounded anxious for Mary to know this. "I just - I was just gonna take a shower." His eyes went past her to the bathroom door. His breath started to come faster. "Is that okay?"
Mary smiled though she didn’t feel it. Here was a man about to take his third shower in less than twelve hours. She wanted to reassure him but didn’t know how, didn’t know what would help and what would just make him pull farther away. She started to walk back downstairs and as she came even with Vin, she put her arm around the front of him and gently pressed him close. "You don’t even have to ask." She felt Vin stiffen at the touch, but she held on long enough to add: "And throwing one more pair of jeans and shirt into the wash is no problem. Okay?" then wait for his quiet answer.
"Okay."
"Okay," she echoed and gave him an affectionate squeeze before she continued down the stairs. But when she got to the front hallway where Billy peppered Chris with questions and reports of what he’d done that day, Mary was trembling, and had tears in her eyes.
+ + + + + + +
Ezra and JD were the last of the group to make it to Inez’s cafe. Buck, Josiah, and Nathan were already at the small stretch of tables in the middle of the floor. "Hey boys! Just about to send a posse out after you!" Buck called to them.
"We just - we had to - look - at - something," JD stammered out, not making eye contact with anybody as he hastily took a seat. The three friends were split between staring at JD, and looking to Ezra for clarification.
"What young Mr. Dunne is attempting to articulate is that we were necessarily detained at the University by a last minute security issue which required our immediate attention," Ezra intoned as he settled himself into an empty chair. But he had a funny look on his face. The group made a subtle shift in who was looking at JD and who was looking at Ezra.
"There was just something I had to look into," JD tried again. He picked up his menu and accidentally pushed his fork off the table. "Did you order yet?" His voice shook. "What’s everybody having?"
"JD - what’s wrong?" Buck took a serious tone.
"Something going on at school?" Nathan asked, concerned as well.
"Yeah - no. No." He pulled the menu open with a snap, cleared his throat and adjusted his chair. "No."
"Is that your final answer?" Buck had to ask and JD shot a glare down to him.
"Nothing going on at school."
Josiah chuckled as he read his menu. "Haven’t seen a ‘nothing’ that upsetting in quite awhile. Must be an awful lot of ‘nothing’." But JD wasn’t about to backtalk his priest. Ezra cut into the conversation.
"How was Mr. Tanner when you saw him today? Is he recovering from his - injuries?"
"Yeah..," Buck answered slowly, squinting in his effort to figure out what was going on here. "His back is hurting him pretty bad though."
"But is he -? Did he -? What -?" JD fell over himself in trying to get something out, and he finally stammered to a halt. Buck looked at him, waiting for him to finish.
"What?" when JD didn’t.
"Nothing!" but he and Ezra exchanged a look and Buck threw his paper napkin down in aggravation.
"All right - both of you. Something is going on. What aren’t you saying?" he asked Ezra, then turned back to JD. "And what aren’t you asking?"
"Something about Vin?" Nathan asked. Ezra was about to offer a reasonable negative response, but JD stammered out again as he stared determinedly at his menu.
"No, nothing about Vin. Why would it be anything about Vin? Nothing about Vin. Didn’t hear anything about Vin. What’d make you think I heard anything about Vin?" At that point, even JD knew the game was up. He sunk into his chair a little, not taking his eyes off the menu. That left Ezra the prime target of questioning stares.
Checking briefly around them to be sure they were out of earshot, Ezra answered the question. It was obvious he was not happy doing it. "It would seem that Mr. Dunne, while investigating reports of suspicious activity outside the Student Union, overheard a conversation between two or three reprehensible miscreants, describing in some detail an attack they had perpetrated upon the person of a thin, blue eyed, long haired young man who lives in an apartment on Maple Avenue." As he finished, Ezra raised an eyebrow, as though asking if they were happy now that they knew the answer.
"Nathan? Is it true? What they did?" JD asked, suddenly willing to look at the others. "Did they do what they were saying that they did?"
"JD - I can’t tell you anything," Nathan said. "You know that’s confidential." JD’s eyes got wide.
"Oh my God." Taking that for a yes.
"Fellas, this is not the place to be having this conversation," Buck growled.
"I agree," Josiah added his deep voice to Buck’s. "Not here, not anywhere." Suddenly it was apparent that all five men knew they were talking about the same thing.
"How could he?" JD pushed on. "How could he just let them - let them -"
"Not here. Not anywhere," Josiah repeated, and the table fell silent. Inez came over.
"Nathan, is Rain coming? Will you wait for her, or do you all want to order now?"
"No, she won’t be here tonight Inez." Nathan found it hard to make his mind jump from on topic to another. "She’s at a friend’s..."
"Okay. Well, do you need a few more minutes, or do you want to order now?" She waited a minute, then looked around the table when no one answered. Finally JD bolted to his feet.
"I’m not hungry - I couldn’t eat. That’s just - how could he - I - how can you -?" his incomplete question posed to the three men opposite him and Ezra. He shook his head. "I’m goin’ home." and fled out the door. After a moment, Ezra stood up.
"I find that I am feeling a trifle disconcerted as well at the moment. If you’ll excuse me," and he followed JD out of the restaurant.
"What’s going on?" Inez asked. "What happened?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing." Buck rested his head in his hand. "Just a little misunderstanding."
+ + + + + + +
When dinner was ready, Chris went in search of Vin. The shower had been off for awhile, so he headed for the guest room. At first glance, he didn’t think Vin was in there, he didn’t see him in either bunk. He turned to check the bathroom.
"Chris?"
"Vin? You in there?" Chris bent down a little and saw Vin huddled up at the head of the bed, pulled so tight into himself he hardly took any space at all. He’d changed his clothes, but was still wearing Chris’ shirt on top of his own. "Didn’t see you there. Dinner’s ready."
"No - no thanks. I’m not hungry."
"Vin - you’ve got to eat something." Chris walked closer and sat in the chair at the desk under the window.
"I can’t." He didn’t look up at Chris. He had his arms around his knees, with his parents’ pictures tucked next to his chest. "I just want to stay here."
"Let me bring you something up then."
"No - don’t do that. You don’t have to do that. I can get something later, can’t I? If I’m hungry later..." Just then came the unmistakable grumble of an empty stomach.
"Vin -"
"I’ll just gag, I know I will." Vin sounded discouraged. "I can’t even think about eating anything."
"How about some tea and toast?" Chris tried. The look Vin gave him told Chris he was at least considering it. Then tears filled Vin’s eyes.
"I miss my Dad. Nothing bad ever happened to me while he was alive." There was nothing Chris could say to that.
"Come downstairs Vin, I don’t like you sitting up here all alone. You come on down and we’ll sit out on the deck. You’ll be able to eat." He was still surprised when Vin nodded and slid out of the bunk and followed him downstairs.
+ + + + + + +
The day was warming up again, though the steady breeze kept it tolerable. Vin took himself and his pictures out to the deck and sat on the top step, leaning against the wooden railing. His whole body felt like it weighed a million pounds and took all his energy just to stay upright. Maybe he should’ve stayed upstairs - nobody looking at him, nobody wondering - but he didn’t want to be alone. It didn’t feel like he’d ever be able to be by himself again.
"Hi Vin!" Billy’s voice preceded him out the sliding doors.
"Hey Billy," Vin responded, but there was no energy in him.
"Whatcha got?" the boy asked as he sat next to Vin and pointed to the frame in his hands.
"My parents." Vin opened it to show him. Billy studied the faces.
"Where are they?"
"They died - a long time ago."
Oh. My Uncle Steve died a long time ago too. When I was a baby. Not supposed to talk about him though," Billy added in a whisper. "It makes Dad mad."
TWENTY-FIVE
Night settled into the pink and gray horizon and an idle wind blew through the yard. Vin held himself curled into an Adirondack chair on the deck. He’d managed to eat most of his dinner, and managed to keep it down, though he couldn’t say what it was he ate. He had a glass of ice tea in his hand though, so he knew what he was drinking. Chris sat in the chair opposite Vin, with Billy sprawled asleep in his lap. Out front they could hear the jangle of collar and leash as Mary took Cowboy for a walk.Vin wanted to say something, but commenting on the weather was so shallow it was painful. And the things he did want to talk about were too painful all on their own. Every single moment of the last forty-eight hours spun through his Vin’s brain, from the split second he heard Maria scream, right up to the moment just past that Chris had brought him out a refill of ice tea. And all the broken agonizing moments in between.
Surprisingly, Vin found a few good moments to dwell on - laughing at Chris’ poor laundry skills with Buck and Josiah at his apartment, eating bananas and milk at midnight while Chris told him about the problem at work, hugging Maria and knowing she was safe. Now this minute, sitting out in the warm and the wind, comfortable for the while, feeling safe and protected with Chris no more than five feet away.
It seemed funny now to think back on the first time they met. How long ago was it? Three years? Vin’d come upon Chris hauling a few boxes of belongings from his truck to his office in the Administration Building and offered him a hand. Never thought that a simple friendly gesture would have such an impact on his life all this time later. Vin didn’t even want to consider what his life would be like right now, right this minute, if he didn’t have Chris for a friend.
Still, his brain conjured the images. If nothing else was different except he wasn’t friends with Chris, Vin knew he’d still be at his apartment, lost and disoriented in the wreckage that he wouldn’t have had the strength or inclination to clean up on his own. Every bit of furniture he owned would be stacked at the front door, and he’d be too sickened by what happened to set foot in the bathroom long enough to take a shower. He’d still be sitting at his little table, in pain and misery and isolation, overcome with nausea, and horrified at the prospect of getting on with his life.
But he was friends with Chris. He had summoned the nerve to leave his apartment and - though reluctantly - start getting his life back together. Even more reluctantly, he’d survived the first wave of humiliation that other people knew what’d happened - first Nathan and Rain, then Chris and Buck. Though it was easier telling Josiah, Vin knew he never would have told him if he didn’t have that fortress of Larabee waiting by in case anything spun out of control.
So now, here he was. Bearable pain twinged through him, held at bay with his pain killers. He’d eaten, though he couldn’t remember what. He was warm enough, comfortable to be sitting here out in the open. He pushed away the aching certainty whispering to him that sooner or later, Chris would get tired of baby-sitting him and leave him just as alone and miserable as he’d ever been. Vin made himself not believe that for now. The horror still hovered around the edges of his awareness, and would undoubtedly jump him whenever it got the chance. But Vin knew he had a safe place to come to whenever that happened. He knew, because he was there right now.
+ + + + + + +
Chris kept watch over Vin out of the corner of his eye as he gazed out over his land. Vin shifted every once in awhile, Chris figured he was just trying to get comfortable with his collection of aches and pains, but he seemed quiet over all, probably a mixture of painkillers and eating a decent amount of food at dinner. Vin had the picture frame open and lying against his chest, Chris wondered if he even was conscious of it being there, it’d become almost an appendage. They’d have to figure a safer way for Vin to carry it with him.
Tomorrow was a problem for Chris. He hated to leave Vin on his own, but he had to get back to his office and work on the Environmental services disaster. It wasn’t something he could handle from home. Then he wondered what he was thinking - work be damned. Vin was hurt and scared, and if Chris had to take an unpaid leave of absence to help his friend get through this, he would. God help the person who told him otherwise.
So a half hour passed, both men grappling with the problems of the world silently but not entirely alone. Vin finished his tea and set the glass on the deck next to his chair. Mary came back with Cowboy, and took Billy out of Chris’ arms to carry to bed. Vin finally looked over to Chris and asked:
"Be okay if I come to work with you tomorrow? Give you a hand sortin’ through James’ mess?"
Half a dozen arguments against that very idea sprang up in Chris’ mind - it was too soon, Vin was too poor physically and too vulnerable emotionally to spend a day relatively in public, he needed to rest, he needed to heal - but Chris nodded. "Sounds good."
+ + + + + + +
Buck drove to JD’s apartment, a block away from the University. He found him at the side of the building tossing a bag of garbage into the dumpster as the overhead streetlight sputtered and hummed to life. "You want to tell me what the hell that was all about?" Buck demanded even before he’d shut the truck door. The thought crossed JD’s mind to pretend he didn’t know what Buck was talking about, it showed in his eyes.
"I heard it at school -"
"Yeah, you heard all right. You wanna tell me exactly what it was you heard?" Buck didn’t try to hide his anger. "And then maybe you can tell me what your problem is."
"I don’t have a problem." JD wouldn’t meet Buck’s eyes, and he turned away, intending to go back inside.
"Sure seemed like you had a problem at the restaurant." Buck followed him. "You tell me what you heard, where you heard it, and who exactly you heard it from."
"So it’s true," JD said. "It really happened. Vin let -" The sentence cut off as Buck grabbed his arm roughly and spun JD to face him.
"I better never catch you using the word ‘let’ again JD. You hear me? Wasn’t any ‘let’ about it. Broken ribs and a fractured spine sound like ‘let’ to you?" But JD pulled out of his grip.
"I don’t know what it sounds like," he answered honestly. "All I know is Vin never seemed the kind of guy who’d let -" he stumbled over that word, trying to express his thought without using it. "I mean - you’d just think - Casey said Nettie always told her it’d be better to let ‘em kill you rather than -" As he said this, JD could see the anger building in Buck’s eyes.
"You told Casey?" Buck all but shouted. "First Ezra - then Casey? Dammit JD - why don’t you just take a page out in the school newspaper. You don’t go telling things like that behind a man’s back."
"What’s it to you anyway Buck?" JD demanded. "Of anybody I’d think you’d have the biggest problem with this..."
"Me?" Buck was surprised. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You know Buck - you’ve always been such a ladies man. You’d think -" and JD broke off again as a violent look settled on Buck’s face. He leaned in close to JD as though he intended to snarl something, but instead he shoved JD away and stomped back to his truck. He drove away without another word or glance back.
+ + + + + + +
It was late, but lights were on in Chris’ house so Buck pulled in the driveway and headed for the front door. He’d only made it halfway up the sidewalk when the porch light flicked on and Chris came outside.
"Buck - what’s going on?" He sounded worried.
"Where’s Vin?" The question didn’t ease Larabee’s worry at all.
"Upstairs, sleeping. Went to be a little while ago. Why?"
Buck glanced up. The window to the guest room was on the other side of the house, still he didn’t want to take the chance of being overheard. "We need to take a walk Chris. Got something to tell you, and it ain’t pleasant..."
TWENTY-SIX
It was too dark to trust walking along the road, so Chris and Buck walked across the yard, toward the far end of the property, keeping within the circle of the backyard light. "What’s going on?" Chris asked, when he thought they’d covered enough distance. He kept his voice light, but concern vibrated right under the surface. Buck sighed. No way to say it but say it."JD knows what happened to Vin."
"How?"
"He overheard some fellas talking at school," Buck told him. Chris instantly went on alert.
"Did he get a good look at them? Was it them? What were they doing there? Would he recognize them again?"
"Hold on a second Chris - he didn’t say and I didn’t ask -"
"You didn’t ask? Buck -" Chris was fuming. "It might be our best chance to catch those bastards and -"
"And what?" Buck had to ask. "It’s bad enough, the few of us who do know. This thing goes to trial and it’ll be Vin that public opinion judges, not the criminals." Chris didn’t answer right away. When he did, the tone of his voice and the look in his eye unnerved Buck.
"They won’t make it to trial."
Buck wanted to tell Chris that being a police officer, he couldn’t be hearing that. He wanted to ask Chris if him being brought up on charges of assault or worse would make anything better for Vin. Then he thought of the look on Vin’s face when he told Buck "I’m afraid they’ll get me again."
And all Buck said to Chris was, "Whatever you do - don’t get caught," and Chris nodded. A moment passed before Buck went on. "It gets worse Chris - JD told Ezra, and he told Casey..."
"Which means Nettie knows by now." Chris pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. He could feel a headache coming on. "Well...I’ll tell him in the morning...he’ll hate it, but it can’t be helped now. I know JD’ll help Vin -"
"JD thinks Vin ‘let’ them," Buck stated flatly.
"What?"
"JD thinks Vin ‘let them’ assault him. He said Nettie thinks it’s better to be killed than raped. Nathan thinks it only happened because Vin’s on the small side. God only knows what Ezra thinks -"
"Wait - what?" This was all becoming too much for Chris. "When the hell were you all talking about this? What do you mean you don’t know what Ezra’s thinking? What the hell could Ezra be thinking?" Buck visibly sagged as he told Chris what happened at the restaurant, and the conversation he’d had with Nathan and Josiah afterward.
"Nathan’s plumb convinced it couldn’t happen to him because he’s bigger and stronger than Vin. He’s surprised that Rain thinks it’s no big deal, that Vin should hardly take notice that it happened. Nathan thinks it’s the worst possible thing that could ever happen to a man." Chris felt his headache spread. The shame was going to kill Vin.
"What am I gonna do Buck?" he asked, knowing there was no answer. But Buck and Josiah had discussed this as well, for a long while after Nathan left them.
"Just be there Chris. That’s the best thing you can do for Vin."
"It wasn’t enough for Steve," Chris accused himself.
"Vin ain’t Steve," Buck said. "This is physical assault, not mental illness. You listen to me Chris - you stay with Vin."
+ + + + + + +
Monday morning started in on Vin even before he opened his eyes. He came awake feeling Cowboy laying across his legs. It was a comforting sensation - until the dog roared awake, launching himself off the lower bunk onto the desk, barking at some unknown presence just outside the window. The sudden movement - and the accompanying shock - sent spasms up and down Vin’s back.
He’d been taking his required dosage of pain killers - maybe a little more - so the pain ebbed as quickly as it swelled. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed - just in time to have Cowboy jump off the desk and inflict a long painful scrape on his foot with a nail that needed to be cut.
When that ripping, throbbing pain subsided, Vin stood up - and caught his shoulder on the upper bunk. Beginning to feel that he was in the middle of a giant pinball game, he slowly and carefully walked to the bedroom door, looked both ways up and down the hallway, then just as carefully walked to the bathroom. So far, so good. He might actually get through this day, one careful step at a time.
He used the toilet though, and encountered a lot more blood than he’d been expecting. He wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have eaten as much as he did for dinner. He wondered if maybe he should tell Nathan. He didn’t want to tell Nathan. He didn’t want to go through what he knew he’d go through again if he told Nathan he was bleeding worse.
He decided to ignore it - for as long as he possibly could.
Chris hadn’t slept well. His headache raged and he’d been awake most of the night trying to think what to say to Vin. He dreaded having to tell him everything. Hell, he dreaded having to tell Vin anything. The man deserved a break, and it didn’t seem he was going to get one anytime soon.
He heard Cowboy barking upstairs and by the time he’d summoned the energy to go tell him to shut up, the dog was galloping down the stairs and to the sliding doors to be let outside. As Chris was sliding the door shut again, he heard Vin moving around upstairs, using the bathroom and taking a shower. Chris sighed. Sooner than he wanted, he was going to have to face this whole mess. He went to the downstairs bathroom searching for some more Tylenol for his headache. Maybe Vin would part with one of his prescription painkillers.
The short hallway upstairs in Larabee’s house seemed to dip and sway as Vin tried to walk to the staircase without getting any more parts of his body whacked on the way. He put his hand on the wall to stay upright, then relied the banister until he got downstairs. He was still wearing Chris’ shirt over his own, but he’d left his parents’ picture on the bed.
He stopped a moment at the bottom of the stairs to take a breath, will himself to stay upright, before walking to the kitchen. He found Chris sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. He almost backed out again, but Chris lifted his head. He still almost backed out. Larabee peered at him with the peculiar look of a man whose eyes aren’t working quite as well as he needed them to.
"Cowboy didn’t wake you up, did he?" Chris asked.
"Time to get up," Vin answered noncommittally.
Chris watched Vin, standing in the kitchen doorway. He was sorry Cowboy had disturbed him, and wanted to tell him so, but he could hardly draw breath to talk. His eyes didn’t seem to focus too sharp, like his headache was pushing them off center. It hurt so bad that every beat of his heart seemed to make his vision jump. "You gonna sit down?" he finally asked. Vin shrugged and pulled a chair out to sit down. Chris wanted to offer Vin breakfast, but just the thought of moving made him sick. No way he was going to make it to work today, which was just as well. It’d be better if Vin stayed home another day or two at least. Chris wished his headache would subside enough to let him keep a decent eye on Vin. He’d be no help to his friend if he couldn’t even see straight. He decided to give it another minute then ask Vin what he wanted for breakfast.
When Vin sat down, Chris put his head back in his hands, and Vin wished he’d followed his first inclination to leave the room. Chris wasn’t saying anything, seemed like he wasn’t feeling all that good. "You okay?" The question came out reluctantly.
"Well, I haven’t been able to find it, but I just know there’s a knife sticking somewhere in my skull..," Chris answered without lifting his head.
"Take anything for it? Should go back to bed."
"Didn’t sleep all night - don’t figure daylight’ll change that."
And Vin didn’t know what else to say. "Take anything for it?" he tried again. Chris nodded.
"Most of the medicine cabinet. Hasn’t helped."
"You wanna try one of my painkillers?" Vin offered, and Chris peeled one eye open.
"I would love to try one of those - as long as you don’t mind me being unconscious the rest of the day..."
"Keep you outta trouble leastways..."
Chris could barely see Vin offer him a glass of water and two tablets. "Thanks."
"Where’s Mary?"
"Took Billy and headed out early. The mall is having some back-to-school mega blitz sale and Mary and her Mom want to get there early for a good parking spot." The sentence took most of the air Chris had left in his body. Excuse enough not to tell the rest, but he knew he had to tell the rest. "Vin?" .
"What?" as he took his seat again.
No way to say it but just say it. "JD and Ezra know." Funny how one word could encompass so much. Chris watched the flicker of emotions cross Vin’s face. Fear, anger, confusion. They know, they know, how could they know? "Vin - JD said he heard some guys talking about it at school..." The confusion on Vin’s face was replaced with high burning shame. Less than three days, and he was being talked about at school, Chris read in the emotion.
"You talked to JD?" was all Vin said, his voice strained.
"Buck talked to him. Vin - JD told Ezra, and he told Casey." If he was feeling better, Chris would’ve made sure Vin knew just how pissed he was at JD for telling anybody, and that JD was going to feel the full weight of his anger. He’d just have to remember to tell Vin that later.
Vin nodded, barely hearing what Chris said. The walls of the kitchen rippled as the dizziness came back, bringing nausea with it. All the little pieces of himself he’d been picking up in the last day and half were suddenly swept from his grasp, and there was no way to hold onto them. With every bit of privacy that was taken from him, he lost a little bit more of who he used to be, who he’d probably never be again. All the little fractures fractured a little more.
"It’ll be okay," Chris said, but it was too much.
"Nothing is going to be fucking okay," Vin snapped and was instantly sorry and ashamed. He never used the "F" word. They had used it, over and over. God, what was happening to him?
Chris was silent at Vin’s outburst. He’d been trying his best to protect Vin - here it was less than three days and he’d already failed him.
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