Morning Off

by Kris

ATF Universe

Disclaimer: They belong to the powers-that-be that don't appreciate them. I do, so I play with them. Note: Thanks to Mog for this playground. This is for the humor challenge.

JD couldn't believe it, his first morning off in a month and the racket next door could wake the dead.

"Geez," he muttered as he got out of bed and crossed the room to the window. He'd planned on slamming it shut, but it stuck. He unlatched the screen and stuck his head out to check the problem and saw that the pulley was caught. He climbed out the window onto his little balcony and worked on the latch pulley. After a loud 'goddammit,' and a final hard tug, he freed the pulley.

So effective was his handiwork, that the window slammed shut with such force that the locked was knocked into place.

"Dammit all." He was locked out. He couldn't believe it, locked out of his own apartment in his underwear. His boxers were the giant happy faces that Buck had given him for Christmas. His goofiest underwear, and now he was stuck on his balcony in it.

JD looked around for something that could be used to push the lock. He checked around his potted plants on the railing and found the toe clippers he used for pruning. He opened it to the file and tried to jam it in the window crack and push at the lock.

Instead of pushing, it became wedged and he had to yank on it. He pulled on it so hard that as it released, it flew past his hand and continued behind him. He whipped around as he heard a thud.

It was a pigeon with the file stuck in his wing, hitting the tile. "Oh lordy," JD exclaimed as he rushed over to it. He picked up the bird and held it close to his chest as he examined where he had stabbed the little fellow.

"Phew, it didn't go deep and nothing appears broken," he said to the pigeon. He carefully extracted the file and held the bird up so he could take off. JD could swear that the bird looked back at him as he pooped on his hand before taking off.

"Ah, geez." Then, as the white slop ran down his arm, he wiped it on his T-shirt automatically.

"Ah, geez," came out of his mouth again, as he realized what he had done. He took his shirt off and threw on the tile. Standing there in only his happy face boxers, with his bare feet on the cold tile, he remembered his predicament.

He went to the railing and looked over the edge, trying to peer into the apartment that had caused his current situation. And, of course, there was no one there now.

JD shook his head, "figures." He tried to peer around the other side, but the barrier was too wide for him to see across. So he climbed up onto the railing and attempted to lean over, hoping to get their attention.

His attempt was foiled as JD managed to find the only patch of morning dew where he placed his hand, and he found himself slipping. Landing hard on his tush, it was only his uncanny balance that prevented him from falling off completely.

JD was pissed, at this rate he wouldn't be able to make his date later in the afternoon.

He picked up his shirt and used it to wipe the railing, so he could try again. He carefully placed his feet on the railing and inched himself up the barrier. He leaned over to find that the curtains were drawn.

"Hells, bells." JD said and forgot how precarious his position was and once again landed hard on his tush. JD just sat there in frustration, thinking deadly thoughts.

What JD didn't know, that the old lady across the street saw him nearly fall and called the authorities.

About twenty minutes later JD saw his front door open and Buck, Ezra and Vin walked in. JD hurriedly knocked on the window, but they appeared to be headed there anyway.

Vin actually opened the window, as both Ezra and Buck were laughing so hard they couldn't stand, as they spied the outfit that JD was stuck in.

"Just what were ya doin out there, JD?" Vin asked once JD had come through the window.

"Well, I was just...."

"Why in the hell would you wear those out there?" Buck interrupted, and renewed his laughter.

"Well, I just...."

"Mr. Dunne, did you not consider how you're dressed could be construed?" Ezra asked, trying to keep a straight face.

"Well, I...."

"JD, aren't you wonderin how we knew to come over?" JD was interrupted by Vin this time.

"You guys aren't letting me talk," JD said, almost yelling.

"We're listening," Ezra said.

"Well I was just....."

"Ezra heard the call out," Buck couldn't wait for JD to ask.

"What, out?" JD was elated to finish a sentence.

"On the scanner, Ezra heard dispatch alert the local police to the 'Underwear Burglar '." Buck took great pleasure in the telling.

"What, huh?"

Ezra took over as Buck could not conceal his mirth. "An alert was put out at your address that a man in his underwear was attempting to break in to several apartments. Recognizing the description of your underwear, Vin and I called Buck, then the authorities to cancel the alert." Ezra turned his head so JD couldn't see his smile.

Vin took pity on the kid and directed his attention away from his laughing partners. "Just why were you jumping around out there in your boxers?"

JD paused, waiting to be interrupted, finding only silence, explained what happened. He lost Buck completely when he revealed what happen to his T-shirt. Vin was having a hard time maintaining a straight face by this time.

Ezra sat down and forced himself to stop laughing. "When the dispatcher described the situation called in to her, we couldn't help but think of you. Obviously, we were right."

JD hung his head, knowing this would make it around the office.

"Come on, JD, let's go grab some breakfast," Vin said with a genuine smile. JD nodded and went into the bathroom to change.

Vin and Ezra both turned to look at Buck as he started to chuckle again.

Ezra wrinkled his brow and questioned, "What?"

Chuckling Buck answered, "You fellers know what I'm getting JD for Christmas, don't ya?"

Ezra and Vin nodded, smiling at the thought of more underwear.


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