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Note: Thanks to Mog who created this cool little world!
Some content may be unsuitable for sensitive readers
If there was a worse place in the world then a hospital, Ezra Standish could not think of it. It had been almost a week since he had been admitted to the Morton general hospital, for a gunshot wound to the abdomen. Despite the fact that he was still unrecovered enough for the hospital to want to keep him, Ezra was well enough to be totally miserable about having to stay.
He was embarrassed by the indignity of bedpans and [F*****G!] catheters, and hated the lack of amenities afforded him.
Thus, he had decided, earlier in the day, when good looks, charm, and finally a healthy dose of griping, had failed to secure his release, that if he was going to be made miserable then everyone else should be too.
With this thought in mind Ezra hit the little button, that would bring forth a nurse, for about the twenty- second time that day, and waited, deep in thought. He absently picked up a barely drank cup of coffee, grimaced when he realized what he was about to do, and put it back down. It was the little things like the awful coffee that made him desperate to be ..well, anywhere but where he was.'Rotten beds, rotten food....and rotten service!!!' He thought to himself, 'The miserable rotten little ogres!!! It's going to require weeks, just to recover from my recovery here!! Assuming of course that I don't expire from food poisoning, as a result of the horrific toxic waste they're fraudulently purporting as food!! I've always wondered what chemical companies truly did with their refuse, and much to my chagrin , I now know. Conceding the possibility that I survive, I'll likely glow in the dark like some unearthly roman candle! People will see me for miles around!!! The police will be besieged by phone calls regarding a glowing, green monstrosity walking about, and some terrified police officer will hastily dispatch me to the underworld, thinking he's been confronted with frigging E.T.!!
Ohhhhh, I can just imagine the funeral! Buck, after hitting on some unsuspecting secretary, will be casually standing there, telling JD something to the effect of: "Yeeaah..[sigh] I heard ol' Ezra glowed brighter then a set of landing lights and a power-plant core breach, combined. [sigh] Poor bastard ate the food at the Morton and ends up takin' a bullet right between the eyes, 'cause some dopey greenhorn cop thinks he's witnessing an X file!![sigh] And he was at the Morton for a gunshot wound too- ain't that just a kick in the head.!?"
Ezra snorted, shook his head and wished for a cigarette. He wondered, with some amusement, if forcible deprivation of nicotine would constitute a justifiable excuse for homicide. Though he considered it a miserable habit anyway, since recently utilizing it as a part of his last undercover persona; all dislike aside, he found himself craving one just the same.
That, was one of two things that he had tried to convince the staff of when it became clear that they were not going to release him; the necessity of the almighty cigarette and the removal of the dreaded [F*****G!] catheter. The head nurse, whom Standish had silently nicknamed Nurse Wratched, frostily refused him on both counts, leaving him to silently fume.'Nathan would be appalled by her bedside manner!!! Never would I have thought this possible, but being under the care of our good Dr. Jackson would be exceedingly preferable, to the imposed torture of this..this...medical purgatory! Of course Purgatory itself would be perhaps a more welcoming residence!! In fact even a bed space at the mortuary would likely be, at the very least, less trying on my patience!!'
It was at that point Ezra had smiled grimly to himself , and decided to be as politely obnoxious and aggravating as he possibly could be. He solved the problem of the dreaded [F*****G!] catheter, by [eeeeeiiiiowwww!!! Rotten heathen bastards!!] calmly removing it himself. Once his composure returned, he then pleasantly enlightened a nurse on his views towards such indignities, and that, hence, he had removed the evil contraption.
She then went and informed Head Nurse Wratched, whose resulting tirade at Standish was almost enough to make up for the whole unpleasant business. Almost. Head Nurse Wratched had finally left to find, and confer with the doctor as to whether Ezra could be removed from the confinement of bed rest.
Though not before glacially ordering him not to get out of bed until it was cleared with the so called powers that be. Standish had, much to her suspicion, cheerfully agreed. Over the next few hours, he even more cheerfully reminded the subsequent nurses, who arrived each time he hit the summoning button, that he could not do whatever it was that he summoned them for, because he was not allowed out of bed; "Nurse's orders you know!"
By the eighth summons their professional smiles were starting to slip. By the the fourteenth summons, most of the pretense of courtesy had gone the way of the dinosaur. By the eighteenth summons they just plain wanted to kill him, charm and good-looks be damned. All in all, Ezra was rather pleased with himself; he might be stuck there but at least he was enjoying himself.
Footsteps broke into his reverie; Nurse Wratched herself answering summons number twenty-two.
"Well, well, Mr.Standish. I hear you've been keeping my staff rather busy." She said, with all the warmth of a frozen wasteland. "I'm sure that even you realize that we have more important things to do then to wait on you, hand and foot!"
She gave him a look, that clearly relegated his status to being just a little above that of a communicable disease.
Unrepentant, Ezra looked at her innocently. "Well, of course I realize that nurse, and if the good Doctor has seen his way clear to permit me out of this....bed, I'll not be troubling you or your staff, with my.. requests."
Then he smiled at her, almost sweetly, while visions of the ever loving cigarette tantalized him; moments away from being realized.
Nurse Wratched regarded him, suddenly poker- faced, before she replied, "I spoke at length, with Doctor Lowsecki and we both agreed that it's much too soon for you to be out of bed."
Now it was Standish's turn for his smile to slip. On the other hand, if one did not know better, Nurse Wratched almost appeared to be developing one.
Ezra eyed her uneasily, doubt starting to seep through his mind, as two orderlies came through the door. He looked at them, shifted his gaze to Nurse Wratched, then back to the orderlies, and attempted nonchalance.
"Two orderlies to change one lousy bed...a considerable bit of overkill, is it not?"
Now Nurse Wratched looked innocent " Oh, that's not what they're here for, Mr.Standish..,."and then she did smile, so ferally, that Ezra's face turned about fourteen shades of red; he knew what was coming, and any enjoyment he had been feeling evaporated along with his composure. "....They're here to keep you still while I reinsert the catheter...!"
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