If You Love Something

by Tiffiny

ATF Universe

Preceeds the events that take place in Rules of the Game


"So, Tanner. Is tonight the big night?" Rory Selkirk lounged theatrically against the pillows, enjoying the view as Vin bent over to tug on his boots.

"What big night are you talkin' about, Ror'?" Vin glanced up with a frown that quickly turned into a reluctant grin as he took in the picture Rory made. The man could strike a helluva pose without even trying. And when he was trying. Shit howdy. "You're lookin' awful purty there, Selkirk. You expectin' Playgirl to come knockin' at the door any minute or something?"

Rory snorted. "Fat lot of good a bunch of women ogling me would do. Where's the fun in that?"

"Fess up, Ror'. You know you like bein' looked at by the ladies. You just like bein' looked at period."

"So you're calling me a slut, are you?"

"Yep."

"Ok. Just as long as we're clear on that."

"We are."

"So is tonight the big night?"

"Ain't got time for guessing games, Ror. I've got to get to work. Unlike some people." The sharpshooter glanced pointedly at his companion.

"Hey, I work. Or I will as soon as my leave is up. You too could have this kind of life, my friend."

"No thanks. I've had my fill of KP duty."

"Oh, they don't make us officers do that kind of stuff." Rory grinned slyly. "We just have to kiss the CO's ass once in a while. And he's kind of cute for an old fellow."

"I still can't believe they made a perfectly good sergeant into an officer." Vin groused, shaking his head disapprovingly.

"Snob" Rory grinned.

"Slut."

"You said that already. And quit trying to change the subject."

"I didn't know we had a subject." The sharpshooter looked away, stooping to pick up his shirt off the floor.

"Chris Larabee." Rory replied succintly.

"How the hell could Chris be the subject when we ain't mentioned him yet? And 'sides that, you don't even know the man, so what in the hell do ya want to talk about him for? " Vin cursed softly as he realized that he'd buttoned his shirt crooked. His curses came near to blistering paint when he heard the sound of Rory's laughter and looked up to see the dark haired man's eyes brimming with amusement.

"With you, the subject is always Chris Larabee." Rory had stopped laughing and was now staring at Vin with an enigmatic expression. "Ain't you figured that out yet, Tanner?"

"Awwww hell, Ror'." Vin sighed and sank down on the edge of the bed. "I don't know what to do."

"Well, I'm not exactly the spokesperson for relationships, Tanner." Rory's lips quirked, a faint hint of bitter wistfulness lingering around the edges that the sharpshooter didn't see.

"But that's just it, Ror'. I'm no good at relationships either. I ain't even sure I want a relationship. And Chris is the marryin' kind. And you know I ain't."

"I don't think you're going to have to worry about that last thing. Not in the state of Colorado."

"Come on, Ror'. You know what I mean." Vin shook his head impatiently.

"Hell, Vin. You don't even know if Chris swings that way yet and you're already chafing at the bit. Ever hear of the words borrowing trouble?"

"It's just... I got a lot to lose. My job. My friends. You." Vin spoke quietly, reaching out a hand to run it gently along his companion's jaw.

"You're a goddamn coward Vin Tanner." Rory spoke flatly, no trace of humor in his dark eyes.

"Fuck you, Selkirk." Vin snatched his hand away angrily. "What the hell kind of friend are you, saying something like that?"

Rory grabbed Vin's wrists tightly. "Don't play that game with me, Vin." he warned softly. "I'm telling you the truth because that's what friends do."

"You? Tell the truth?" Vin snorted derisively.

"I've never lied to you, Tanner." Vin knew Rory well enough to hear the faint thread of hurt in the husky voice.

"Sorry, Ror'." Vin glanced up at the other man, face still flushed half with shame and half with defiance. He relaxed his clenched fists and Rory let go, leaning back against the headboard.

"Ok. Now that we have that settled, let's move on shall we? I seem to recall you mentioning your job. If the bastard gives you a hard time or tries to fire you, then sue his ass and you can retire to the south of France and support me in style. Fuck him if he don't know a good thing when he sees it. And that goes for the rest of them, too. And as for me..." Rory shrugged, his smile a bit lopsided. "Well, you know what they say. All good things come to an end. We got six years worth of pretty fair sex out of the deal. Not a bad way to go out."

"Geez, Selkirk. What a romantic you are." Vin rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well. It's part of my charm. That and my big..."

Vin's lips effectively silenced him and when they drew apart Rory sighed. "I'm gonna miss you, Tanner."

"Me too, Ror'. You really think I should..."

"Jump his bones. Tell him you love him. Do something. Before you drive me crazy with all this Dear Abby lovelorn shit. Geez, if I'd wanted to listen to this kind of stuff, I'd have got me a girlfriend."

"Bastard."

"But a cute one."

"I really am gonna miss you, Ror'."

"I know. But it ain't like we'll never see each other again. My enlistment is up next year and I've been thinking seriously about the possibility of civilian life. Maybe I'll come pay you two lovebirds a visit or something."

"Trying' to get rid of me, Selkirk? I ain't even asked the man out yet and you've already got me playin' house with him?"

"Well who could resist your charms, Tanner? Especially when I've trained you so well?"

"I ain't sure I can do it." Vin looked as spooked as Rory had ever seen him.

"You've got it bad, Tanner. I don't think you have a choice."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Vin whispered.

Rory just shook his head. "You think too much, Vin."

"I think starting something with Chris is asking for trouble."

"I thought trouble was your middle name, Tanner."

"Why do you think I'm afraid?"

There was nothing Rory could say to that, so he just watched silently as the sharpshooter stood and pulled on his heavy jacket before opening the door and slipping out. He'd looked back once, right before the door closed behind him and Rory heartily wished he hadn't. Because what he'd seen in Vin's eyes made his heart sink.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Rory closed his eyes and slid down til his head touched the pillows. He hoped like hell he was wrong. But he wasn't. Vin was head over heels in love and trying hard to deny it. Bad feeling didn't even begin to cover it.

+ + + + + + +

"Tanner. Get your ass in here." Chris Larabee appeared in the doorway of his office like some sort of avenging angel. Accent on the avenging part.

"Uh... he's not here, pard." Buck finally offered, after a glance at the others.

"Oh really. I don't seem to recall telling anyone they could leave." Chris's voice was soft and colder than a blue norther.

"Well, from the little Mr. Tanner said, I gather he thought you would approve."

"And what exactly did he say, Ezra, that led you to form that conclusion?" Chris turned his cold green gaze on the southerner, who fought the urge to squirm in his chair like an errant schoolboy.

"He merely said that he had a few things to do and that he would see us all later."

"And did he mention where he was going?"

As all five men shook their heads silently, Chris unconsciously flexed his fingers and the paper he was holding fell unnoticed to the floor. "I'm going out. Try not to burn the place down while I'm gone." Chris strode out of the office quickly, without looking back.

"What do you think has our illustrious leader in such foul spirits?" Ezra raised his eyebrows and glanced around at the others.

"Well, I'm guessing it has something to do with Vin resigning from the team." JD looked up from the piece of paper he'd been reading. The one Chris had dropped on the floor.

"What the hell are you talkin' about, son?" Buck snatched the piece of paper from JD's hand and began quickly reading aloud.

"This letter is to inform you that I, Vin Tanner, am hereby resigning my position as Sharpshooter of Team 7 effective as of December 5, 2000."

"Well, I'll be damned." Buck swore softly. "Junior's gone and done it."

"But why has he done it? He say anything to any of you?" Nathan looked around the room, but one by one the others all shook their heads.

"Mr. Tanner is not in the habit of confiding much to anyone. Except perhaps to Mr. Larabee. Although that doesn't appear to be the case in this instance." Ezra said dryly.

"But why would he want to leave us?" JD's young voice was wounded. What had they done?

"It may just be something he feels he has to do, son." Josiah shook his head.

"Do you think Chris went to talk to him?" JD's eyes lit with hope.

"You can't force a man to stay when his heart ain't in it, JD." Nathan spoke quietly.

Josiah nodded. "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you it is yours forever. If it doesn't..."

"Hunt it down and kill it?" Buck interrupted, with a wry grin that did little to disguise the concern on his face.

"Not exactly scripture, but in this case, it might be more fitting." Josiah glanced towards the door where Chris had left just minutes earlier.

"So you don't think Chris went to talk to him?" JD asked, frowning.

"I think we should give it til 5:00pm and if we haven't heard from either of them by then, we can take action." Ezra glanced at the clock on the wall which read 2:35pm.

"Like form a posse or something?"

"Or something, JD. Or something."

+ + + + + + +

"So, you going to tell me why you plan on breaking up the best damn ATF team in the country?" Chris stared down at the sharpshooter silhouetted in the dim light of the dingy bar.

"How did ya find me?" Vin snapped. The last thing he wanted was Chris asking him questions right now. And how the hell had the other man known where to find him anyway? He'd certainly never mentioned this place to anyone at the office.

"Are you bored with your job?" Chris folded his arms and leaned against the wall, ignoring Vin's question.

"No. I ain't bored. I just... need a change." Vin muttered mulishly, finally giving in under the weight of Chris's silence.

"A change?" Chris mused. "You just woke up this morning and decided you needed a change, is that it?"

"Yes. No. It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like, Vin? Tell me." Chris straightened up suddenly and slammed his hand down on the table, making Vin jump.

Vin shook his head, refusing to look up at Chris.

"Tell me what it was like, Vin." Chris hissed, leaning over til he was nearly nose to nose with the sharpshooter.

"Last time I looked it was still a free country, Chris. I don't gotta tell ya nothin'." Vin finally looked up, eyes glittering with emotion.

"No. You're good at not telling anybody anything." Chris spoke softly.

"Don't play the fucking hypocrite with me, Larabee. If you say more than three words a week, you've used up your quota."

"But I'm not the one walking out." Chris slid into the chair across from Vin and eyed him coolly.

"No." Vin couldn't do this. Vin didn't want to do this. He was resigning so he wouldn't have to do this.

"Talk to me, Vin. Tell me what you want. Although, if it's more money you can forget it. We do work for Uncle Sam, remember?" Chris's voice was still tight with suppressed anger.

"It ain't about the money." Rory had been right. Vin Tanner was a coward. He was afraid of losing Chris's friendship if he told Chris what he wanted and Chris didn't want the same thing. And he was afraid of losing Chris's friendship if he told Chris what he wanted and Chris did want the same thing. Vin Tanner was just no good at relationships. And he didn't know what the hell he wanted from Chris, anyway. More than sex, less than marriage? He tried not to examine his feelings too closely. Chris tangled his emotions so bad he didn't know which way was up when it came to the man.

"I could just beat it out of you." Chris spoke conversationally.

"You could try." Vin narrowed his eyes, body tensing involuntarily. He wasn't sure he could take Chris in a fair fight.

"But I'd prefer not to bust up such a fine establishment if I don't have to." Chris said dryly, glancing around the shabby room.

"Willy's ain't for everyone."

"No, it's not." There was a peculiar note in Chris's voice and Vin peered sharply at him.

"You know."

"I've known for a long time."

"How?"

"A friend of mine spotted you here one night."

"A friend?"

"Yeah."

"Do you...?"

"Play for both teams?"

Vin nodded silently, throat tight.

"I've been known to pinch hit."

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Vin asked angrily, feeling like all kinds of fool.

"Why didn't you?" Chris countered.

"I don't know." Vin looked away.

"Did somebody at the office find out? Are they giving you a hard time? Is that why you're resigning?" Chris sighed in exasperation. "Look at me, goddamit, will you?"

"No one's givin' me anything." Vin retorted, stung by his companion's words. Did Chris really think he was such a coward? I mean, he was a coward. But not that kind of coward. Damn Chris Larabee, anyway.

"Is that the problem then?" Chris's lips quirked in a suddenly mischievious smile.

"What?"

You not getting any. Is that the problem?" Chris repeated patiently, still grinning.

"Ain't funny, Chris." But it was true. Which was probably why it wasn't funny. Vin was bordering on the dangerously obsessed when it came to Chris Larabee. No one else seemed able to scratch the damn itch he got just lookin' at the bastard. Sex had always been so easy before. Trust Chris to complicate things.

"So if it's a problem, why don't you do something about it? Something less drastic than changing careers?" Chris no longer sounded amused. Now he was back to being angry.

"So what do you suggest I do? Ask you out on a date?" Oh shit. Why the hell had he said that? What kind of fucking idiot was he? Even if Chris Larabee did play for the same team once in a while, that was a long way from wanting to boff a scruffy sharpshooter born and bred in a Texas briar patch.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Chris's voice gave nothing away.

"Would you say yes if I was?"

"I'm not going to sit here and play this fucking game all night, Vin. Now answer the question. Are you asking me out or not?"

"Yes."

"Thank you for answering the question."

"Well? It's your turn to answer the question, cowboy."

"I..."Chris shook his head and scrubbed a hand tiredly across his face. Vin forced a look of disinterest on his face. Chris's answer was no big deal. It wouldn't break his heart. It wouldn't. "I shouldn't say yes. But I want to." Chris finally admitted quietly.

"Yes?" Vin repeated, his heart suddenly hammering in his chest.

"We shouldn't." Chris repeated. "You know how it'll end."

"In tears and beers, cowboys. In tears and beers." Vin held up his glass and gave Chris a brief salute. "So are you free Friday night?"

"Does this mean you're keeping your day job?"

"Only if you're offering me a night time position to go along with it."

"Isn't that sexual harassment?"

"Yep."

"I'm not giving you a raise."

"That's ok, cowboy. I'll take it out in trade."

Chris grinned, but his smile faded quickly as he looked searchingly at Vin. "What are we doing, Vin?"

"Giving some. Getting some. Having a good time so we'll have all those memories to cry over into our beers when the time comes." Vin forced a lightheartedness he didn't feel. Almost, he backed out then. Almost he told Chris that maybe Chris had been right and they shouldn't do this. Change was coming. Vin could feel it in his bones. And it was cold like a distant storm.

"How about you do the crying and I'll do the drinking?" Chris wondered if he'd just imagined the panic he'd seen in Vin's eyes. Vin had asked him out. Had he changed his mind already? Shit.

"Vin?"

"Let's get out of here, Chris." Vin needed to feel Chris. Taste him. Needed heat and skin and sweat. Needed it now.

Silently, Chris followed Vin outside, wondering why he was suddenly thinking of an old saying he'd heard somewhere a long time ago. If you love something, set it free...

The End

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