Scenes of My Life

by Raquel

ATF Universe

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction based on the TV show The Magnificent Seven that belongs to all the people who have rights over them but me. I don't own them... I wish I did. Possession belongs to Sarah McLachlan and Victoria's Secret is part of Due South's Original Score that I imagine belongs to the people that own that series rights. I ain't making money with this.

Thanks: To Kathy and Robin who always support me when I told them I have another Chris idea in mind. To Mog, because I keep playing in her universe. To Debbi who beta read this doing an incredible job though it was her first time as beta reader. And to Winter because I used her idea of Vin being hurt in Then There Were Five in Chris's memories.

I love to hear people's opinion, so feedback is very, very appreciated

Notes: My knowledge about ATF work and medical procedures is almost nil so if there are inaccuracies, remember this is fiction, please.

I had this story written but I wasn't sure if it made sense so it was awhile before I had it betaed.

September 2000

Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time
the night is my companion, and solitude my guide
would I spend forever here and no be satisfied?

He felt cold. His entire body was cold despite all the clothes he had on. He could feel a chill around him. He smiled. It wasn't uncomfortable at all. He had never imagined it would be in this way. He was sorry for them. It had happened without warning. The cold he felt in his body contrasted with the warmness of the life that was flowing out of his body. He felt it in his hand, the red liquid that ran through his fingers, escaping from his hold.

He felt sad for them, especially for Vin who had shouted out, warning him, but hadn't arrived on time. Now the younger man was kneeling beside him, trying vainly to hold back the blood with his hands. It was an easy task just to arrest all the members of the gangs while they exchanged his 'merchandise'. His sight played tricks on him now he could see Sarah. He closed his eyes to concentrate on his vision.

"Will you marry me?" Sarah threw herself into his arms.

"Of course I will, Chris. You made me so happy." He faced her. Her face was shining. He hadn't ever seen her so happy. He felt the same way too.

He saw himself standing in the aisle waiting for his future wife. She is walking toward me. She looks so beautiful. She is the most beautiful bride in the world. My hands are sweating. I just hope Buck hasn't forgotten the rings. I'd kill him for that. Here she comes. She is perfect.

And I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear

The pain was increasing. He heard Vin telling him something, reassuring him that he was going to be okay again, something about 'he didn't dare die on him', and that the paramedics were on their way. He could make out the tears falling down his best friend's face.
It isn't so bad Vin, he wanted to tell him but he hadn't enough energy. Breathing had become a challenge and he could feel the blood leaving his system faster than before. He closed his eyes again.

"I have some good -I hope- news for you, honey." Sarah had awoken him with tickling and a bunch of kisses on his chest, face and lips.
She was lying next to him on her side, her head resting on her elbow.

Chris was next to her lying on his back. He turned his head over on pillow to face her. The first rays of the sun were coming into the curtains and reflected in her brown hair giving it redish highlights.

"Tell me."

"You know, your hair in the sunlight is like pure gold, Mr. Larabee." She snuggled her body to his and kissed him on the lips, caressing her husband's hair with one of her slender hands.

"Was that your good news? That I haven't got any gray hairs yet?"

She laughed. "Don't be silly, Christopher Larabee. That isn't the good news."

"So, tell me then, Mrs. Larabee." He cuddled close to her and turned his body to embrace her, placing one of his arms on her smooth back.

"You're going to become a daddy." She said this very softly, almost whispering in his ear.

"Are you sure?" A wide grin spread on his face.

Sarah just nodded with a shy smile.

He had never imagined he could love another person so much. She completed him, she gave his life meaning and now she was going to change his life in ways he had never dreamed about.

Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word to find
the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive

The image disappeared when he opened his unfocused eyes again. The last remains of rational thought filled his mind. It had been an armor-piercing bullet, a cop killer. He was wearing his kevlar vest. He'd felt obligated to after insisting Vin and Ezra to wear them. Was that fate? Was this his moment and that was all? The paramedics were working on him. He could see his friends, his family's faces over him and the paramedics that were trying to keep him alive. He felt Vin's hand holding his very tight. He was sorry for leaving him alone. I'm sorry Vin. I'm so tired. He closed his eyes as he heard the continuous beep of the monitor the paramedics had attached to him. He knew he was dying.

What is it that white light? Sarah, Adam, are you there? A wave of images hit him fast and chaotic...

Sarah laughing as they celebrated Chris's birthday, the first since their wedding. They were playing with the cake and both of them had whipped cream on their faces. Buck was there also waving his hands in the air in surrender trying to save himself, while at the same time was holding a camera to take a photo of the playful couple.

He and Buck trying to play golf one weekend while they were in the Police Academy. They had such a good time even though they lost all the balls and broke more than one golf club.

Himself as a child playing baseball with his father. He could smell his mother's freshly-baked peach pie. They were at his parents' ranch. He loved to play with his pa and they always had such a good time.

He was attending a Police Ball with Buck and he had just discovered the most beautiful creature in the world. Sarah. Buck and Chris were in their blue police uniforms and thought they looked really good. Buck was very busy with a trio of women, so Chris breathed deeply and approached her. He invited her to dance and in that moment, when she smiled at him, he knew he was hers.

Adam's birth. Chris couldn't believe what he was witnessing. It was the most amazing miracle of his life. The little baby was finally out of his mom's body crying out loud. He was worried the baby was cold or was something wrong with him. At the beginning he was afraid of losing Sarah. She looked in such pain at the beginning that he panicked for a moment as he was being told what he had to do during the delivering process. But when he saw Sarah laughing and crying at the same time when she saw their child, even Chris fought the tears of joy that came to his eyes.

Adam walking with unsteady steps toward him, waving his tiny hands to him. Chris was waiting for him with his arms opened wide. When the little boy reached him, he embraced his child in a tender hug.

Chris in front of the ruins of what once it was his home. A bomb that had destroyed his life. Him falling on his knees with Buck trying to help him.

He didn't like that image. Now, everything was dark. He could see himself drunk in a bar, in another one and in another... Then he was fighting drunk with some guys. And then, he was drunk at the cemetery lying between Sarah and Adam's graves.

The first time he met Vin. That look that said he understood everything that was in Chris's mind. The sensation in his own mind: he knew what the younger was going to do. That smile, his long hair, and that soft Texas drawl talking to him after a bust.

The guilt he felt when he saw Buck again and convinced him to join the team.

JD's vitality when he came into the office for the first time, so young, so happy, so impulsive.

Him trying to keep himself from laughing loud out when the rest of the Team heard Ezra speaking with his long words for the first time.

The first night they all spent together having dinner in Inez's Saloon.

Vin was terrified. The paramedics were working desperately to save Chris's life. The blue and red lights from the ambulance reflected off Chris's face and the faces around them. He closed his eyes trying to make this all disappear. Maybe it was a nightmare and if he opened his eyes again it would be over. He opened them again but anything had changed. He raised his eyes from the bloody form in front of him and met the rest of his friends' faces. Every movement played like it was in slow motion.

Buck was holding JD, an arm wrapped around the kid's shoulders. There were tracks on his cheeks from the tears running down his face.

Nathan was helping the paramedics and Josiah and Ezra were next to Buck and the kid. Even Ezra's poker face was fading.

Vin ran a hand over his face and closed his eyes when he saw the paramedics applying the paddles to shock Chris's heart back to life.

He couldn't die. Not now. He allowed the paramedics had room to do what was needed to save Chris. He stood next to Nathan, who was saying a mental prayer, and the ex-EMT squeezed Vin's shoulder. He felt the sharpshooter shivering.

And I will be the one
To hold you down
Kiss you so hard
I'll take my breath away
And after, I'd wipe away the tears
Just close your eyes dear

"Chris, come on honey, open your eyes." He was lying on the bed and Sarah was crouching next to him caressing his hair.

"Sarah, oh my God, I wanted to see you so badly."

Sarah caressed Chris's cheek and kissed him gently on his lips. "Now you can see me. But you can't stay, honey."

"Don't you want me here?" Chris asked alarmed sitting up on the bed and supporting himself on one elbow.

"Of course honey... I've been waiting for you. But it's not your place and time yet."

"But I'm dead now."

"And you think it's the right thing now, Christopher. But what about your team, your family?" she asked sitting on the edge of the bed. She wore a delicate silk nightdress with tiny straps. Her long hair hung over her naked shoulders.

Chris stretched his arm to touch her softly.

"Don't ever believe that I think you're responsible for what happened to me and Adam, Chris. It wasn't your fault. It was our moment. Keep what you have and be happy my dear."

"But, Sarah, it hurt."

Sarah placed her index finger in Chris's mouth to stop him from speaking. "I know it did. It hurt here also, but I'll be 'backing you up, pard', as Buck would say." She smiled at him with the same smile that had made him fall in love with her the very first time.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. She turned her face so her lips were a fraction of an inch from his. Chris placed a hand on the back of her neck and kissed her passionately.

Into this night I wander
It's morning that I dread
Another day of knowing of
The path I fear to tread
Oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
Nothing stands between us here
And I won't be denied

They had placed Chris still alive onto a gurney and now they were racing to the hospital. Nathan had told Vin his condition was critical and that he could die before they got him to surgery. Vin had been allowed to ride with them and stared unable to do a damn thing while the paramedics worked to keep his boss and best friend alive.

He closed his eyes to regulate his breathing and tried to figure out what had gone wrong. They'd had all the positions covered and everybody had kept them without jumping the gun. They had worked with two additional teams and the warehouse was totally surrounded. Vin had been far from the center of the action. He had shot every subject in his telescopic sight who hadn't obeyed the 'freeze' command shouted by the ATF agents. Everything was clear and secured when the shooter had appeared from out of nowhere. Vin had aimed, shot and killed him, but not before the guy shot Chris in the chest. From the beginning they had known the their kevlar vests were no obstacle to gang bullets. When he saw Chris jerk backwards and fall to the ground, a part of him told him his best friend was dead. He was wrong but only for now. He looked at his friend covered with tubes and the huge bandage stained with his blood. He stared at his closed eyes and saw the eyelids fluttering.

They stopped kissing each other. Sarah placed her hand on Chris's chest and pulled him lightly so he lay on the bed.

"Chris, close your eyes. I'll try to make you understand... Do you remember that fishing trip you went on with the guys? It was a great time, wasn't it?"

Chris smiled as the memories came to his mind. It really had been a great trip. Vin and JD hadn't stopped playing jokes on the others and the camaraderie between them was real, though they had only been together for two months. Even Ezra agreed to try fishing, even though the thought of it sent shivers down his back.

"There are more moments, Chris." Sarah's voice was almost a whisper. "Remember them."

He saw Ezra running after Buck when he had stained a Hugo Boss shirt Ezra wore with spaghetti sauce.

Josiah cooking his extremely well-known chili con carne, with Nathan's help.

Buck and JD playing videogames.

Ezra playing solitaire at the same time the rest were watching football in the living room at the ranch.

Vin and himself playing baseball with the children from the sharpshooter's neighborhood.

Vin finally opening his eyes two days after he'd almost been killed just after joining the team. Chris had been so scared. He thought he was going to lose the only person in the world that could read him like an open book and give meaning to his life, just after having met him. Vin looked so young and vulnerable in that bed. The bullet wound and the subsequent surgery to repair the damage had caused Vin so much pain and it broke Chris's heart each time he looked at Vin's face or at his shaking hand each time he tried to hold a glass of water or just stretched it out to hold Chris's. But Vin had been okay after a while, and Chris was thankful that Vin was able to be with him and the team after all. That was when he knew he and the rest of the Team needed Vin. Chris realized the team and Vin needed him this time.

"Go back to them, my dear. I'll wait for you. Live your life the best you can. It is worth it, and here, you will miss it."

And placing a kiss in his forehead, Sarah disappeared with a flash of white light. The next thing he saw were the electric lights he knew too well, in the hallway of the hospital on the way to surgery.

"He's conscious," he heard from one of the medical staff that walked next to his gurney.

And I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes


Chris was in hospital three weeks: One in ICU and two more in a normal room. He knew he had scared the hell out of Vin and the rest of the team.

The bullet had pierced one of his lungs and grazed the aorta, so he had almost bled to death. He had been released from hospital that morning. Vin had agreed to stay with him until he had regained some strength. Both of them were sitting on the porch.

"Can I talk to you about something?" Chris turned his head to face Vin, whose look was lost in some place farther the trees that were in front of the ranch entrance.

"Try it." Vin's grin told him more than just the answer to his question. His life had returned to its normal path. His best friend was okay again.

"You know how people say you see your life pass before you when you're dying?... It's true. But those scenes brought me back, Vin."

"If seeing your own life is what brought you back, I reckon it's a good life after all," Vin said, leaning against the wall of the house.

"I imagine so... " Chris imitated his friend's movement, closing his eyes, sighing deeply.


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