Resolutions

by Kari

Disclaimer: The Magnificent Seven characters do not belong to me, they belong to Mirisch, Trilogy, MGM and possibly somebody else... but that somebody else is not me, darnit! Anyway, no money or profit is being made off of this, it's all an exercise in fun.

Notes: This is a SILLY fic! Please do not kill me, yell at me or otherwise cause bodily harm as this was all in fun! Thank you! And I would like to thank Debbie for betaing it for me. (And warning me that some of you may come after me... I appreciate that Debbie, I really do!) Hope you enjoy it.


The seven men that protected Four Corners sat in the saloon New Year's day, playing poker.

"We should make our resolutions now," JD, the youngest member of the group proclaimed during a lull in the betting.

"Why, Mr. Dunne, would we desire to pledge actions that do not normally occur to us naturally, only to revert to, in a matter of days mind you, to habits of a life time?" Ezra, the con man and gambler of the group asked.

"Huh?" JD asked predictably.

"He wants to know why we'd promise something only to break it in a few days, son," Josiah, the preacher clarified.

"Who says we'd break it?" the youngest asked.

"I've never made a New Year's resolution I didn't break, did you Chris?" Buck Wilmington asked his oldest friend. "Nope, can't say that I have," the leader replied, recalling lots of resolutions that he and the ladies man had made. Buck always promised to change his ways with the ladies, but never seemed able. And Chris, well, he figured he was doing okay the way he was, why bother?

"I ain't never made any promises, hate breakin' my word," the quiet Vin Tanner spoke up.

"I hate to agree with Ezra, but it's pointless, JD, to resolve to do something you just aren't capable of doin'," Nathan added.

"What if we resolved to break them?" JD asked, not about to be swayed.

"That makes absolutely no sense!" Ezra said as he laid down his cards and collected the winnings.

"Dammit, Ezra! You could at least let me win one this year!" Buck complained.

"Now why would I start the New Year off in that horrendous manner?"

"Come on guys, I'm serious! If we don't make resolutions we'll break tradition and bad things happen when ya break tradition!" JD was not about to give up.

"All right JD, all right!" Buck said in exasperation. "I resolve to never take advantage of another lady again, no matter how attracted she is to ol' Buck's animal magnetism!"

The six other men snorted in disbelief, Nathan and Josiah outright laughing. When the healer had calmed down, he made his resolution.

"Ok, I promise to stop naggin' you all about how bad you take care of yourselves, especially when you're sick!" Nathan promised.

"Yeah, right!" Vin rolled his eyes. "And I promise to start talkin' all the time, as much as JD here does!"

"Hey!" JD cried, insulted. "Then I resolve to be as quiet as Vin... no, quieter! I'll be so quiet you won't even know I'm here!"

"Anybody quieter than Vin has gotta be dead!" Chris smirked, earning a glare from the tracker.

"And what does our fearless leader promise?" Josiah asked Chris.

"I can break it?" At their nods Chris decided, "I resolve to stop intimidating people!"

"No offense Brother Chris, but that's like me resolving to no longer be aware of God's signs such as the crows or to counsel my flock when in need."

"And this is a bad thing?" Ezra asked flippantly as he dealt another hand.

"Not if you promise to stop connin' people," Nathan rejoined.

"Me, con people? Why, I simply let them fall prey to their own greed," Ezra scoffed. "But if it will make you feel better, ok, I resolve to stop showing people how foolish and stupid they really are by taking their money," he promised.

"There, ya happy JD, we all made a resolution, now can we get back to poker?" Buck asked.

"An excellent suggestion!" Ezra agreed and dealt the next hand.

+ + + + + + +

Unknown to the seven men, two fairies were watching them.

"Should we hold them to the promises?" the first one asked. "It could be fun; I'd like to see Buck not able to kiss other women," the second one sighed.

"I'd love to hear what Vin has to say!" the first one agreed.

"Do you think we'll get in trouble?" the second one asked, not really at all worried.

"Nah, how much trouble could it cause, they're simple promises after all!"

And so the two sprinkled some dust and said a few words. It was done.

+ + + + + + +

The next day dawned bright and clear, at least for some people. Ezra was still in his room, bemoaning the fact that he'd lost nearly all of his previous winnings to the other lawmen.

JD was unusually quiet and Nathan thought about checking him to see if he was sick but then decided not to. It was JD's business how he took care of himself.

Josiah also noticed JD's quietness and wondered if anything was wrong, but got distracted by Vin, who seemed to want to tell him everything about his entire life, in one day. Josiah had no answers for him however. He also ignored all of the crows that seemed to be flying over not only his own head but those of his six friends also. Oh well, they were interesting birds.

Chris Larabee stepped into the bar and ordered a whiskey. The bartender took his own sweet time getting it, but Larabee's glare seemed to have no effect on him. That made him glare even more, but the bartender just smiled and moved on to the next customer.

Buck came in and glanced at Miss Betty Lou, a new working girl that had her eye on him for a while. Oh, he wanted her! But when he made a move towards her, he felt physically ill. What the heck had been in that beer last night? Buck decided to take to his room. The day the sight of a beautiful willing woman made him ill was the day he was dyin'!

+ + + + + + +

It was three days later and the entire town noticed the changes in the seven protectors. They especially noticed Ezra when he broke down sobbing as two rich men stepped off of the stage. They immediately asked for a poker game, but Ez

hadn't won one since New Year's!

Everyone was ready to kill Vin who hadn't shut up. There was talk of finding a good bounty hunter to drag him in. The whole town knew about Texas now; Vin had told the story a hundred times!

Buck was starting to look at his friends in a new way. They were all avoiding him.

JD was still very quiet. He didn't feel it necessary to share his daily life with his friends anymore. Nor did he feel it necessary to tell them that the bank was being robbed.

Chris came upon the outlaws as they came out with the money. Gunfire had attracted his attention and soon the other six followed.

The leader of the seven glared at the men, his gun aimed at the robbers. Unfortunately the glare didn't work and one of the outlaws shot Chris between the eyes. He was dead. Oh well, the town thought, he wasn't too intimidating anymore anyway.

JD thought he might want to tell Josiah about those crows circling his head, or about the guy sneaking up behind him with the gun, but really, was it worth it to break his silence? Oh well, too late since Josiah went down. Shot in the back. Such a shame. Then again, he hadn't been giving too much advice lately anyway.

Ezra was distracted by the two rich men and how they had lost to the bartender of all people! The bartender now had $500! Ezra was ready to cry! The bartender was really stupid to be brandishing that money around too, why, it gave some thoughts of robbing him, and not just the bank robbers. Ezra started towards the man but was shot down along with the incredibly stupid man. Both dead. One bullet went right through Ez's heart. Oh well, one watered the drinks and the other couldn't play poker worth crap!

Vin tried to reason with the men, telling them what a fine town this was and all about how he was going to clear his name and he wouldn't be able to do that if they killed him. The men thought that taking him back to Texas would be a good idea. They made sure on the point that he could be taken back dead. They were real relieved that the tracker could be taken back dead cause he was giving them a headache! They hung him, hoping that would take care of his vocal chords. Oh well, the town was awful tired of Vin's voice anyway!

Nathan wondered if he should tell JD that bullets were hazardous to his health? There seemed to be quite a few coming the silent young man's way. But really, who was he to tell his friend how to take care of himself. Didn't matter no more anyway, three hit the kid. One in the chest, one in the back and one in the neck. Must be dead, Nathan's healer training determined. Oh well, he never talked to him anymore anyway.

Buck saw Nathan, who had been avoiding him for the last couple days. He didn't know why, he just wanted some friendly conversation... well, maybe just that. He still couldn't look at a woman without getting ill, but he thought he'd found a way to deal with that problem! So Buck started over to Nathan. The healer saw the former ladies man coming his way and jumped out into the middle of the street, right into the galloping horses and a hail of bullets. Oh well, he sure hadn't been healing too many people lately!

With Nathan out of commission Buck headed over to the outlaws. He only got to bat his eyes at them once before he was shot to death. One right in the head. Oh well, he hadn't been much fun lately anyway, the ladies of the town thought!

And that was it, all seven, dead, gone, worm bait.

+ + + + + + +

"HOLD IT!" Fairy number one cried. "This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"Hey! You're the one who said it wouldn't cause too much trouble!"

"You just didn't want to see Buck kiss other women!" the first one accused. "Boy did that backfire on ya!"

"Oh, and you just had to hear Vin's voice ALL the time!" Fairy number two yelled. "You stopped listening to him two days ago!"

"Well... we gotta fix this..." Fairy number one decided.

"YES YOU DO!" The Head Fairy came down to join the two, looking at the mass destruction in Four Corners. "You two ruined my favorite town... and my favorite guys!"

"They were just little promises..." the two fairies tried to reason. Darn it, the head fairy could send them to watch over those three ex-police women or give them some other such horrible fate!

"Those little promises are what make up those guys! Ezra's a natural conman, Larabee's intimidating, Buck a ladies man," she glared at Fairy number two, "and Vin naturally quiet!" she turned to Fairy number one. "Now fix it, or those Angels are your new job!" the head Fairy threatened.

She knew it! Whenever the head fairy got mad she sent them to Charlie's girls. It was a punishment they all feared.

"Yes ma'am," they both replied meekly. Their boss departed and the two began digging things out of oversized wands they carried.

"No, no, we need to go back in time, not forward!" Fairy number one snatched the dust out of Fairy number two's hands.

"Then you find it!"

"Here! Ok, now get ready with the powder too!" And soon the chaotic scene

was in swirl of gold dust and white powder.

+ + + + + + +

The seven men that protected Four Corners sat in the saloon New Year's day, playing poker.

"We should make our resolutions now," JD, the youngest member of the group proclaimed during a lull in the betting. He ached in three places but couldn't figure out the cause. Maybe he'd see Nathan later.

"Why, Mr. Dunne, would we desire to pledge actions that do not normally occur to us naturally, only to revert to, in a matter of days mind you, to habits of a life time?" Ezra, the con man and gambler of the group asked as he rubbed his chest. Perhaps he should lay off Inez's food for a while; this was the most severe heat burn he'd ever had.

"Huh?" JD asked predictably, fingering his neck.

"He wants to know why we'd promise something only to break it in a few days, son," Josiah, the preacher clarified, shifting in his chair to relieve a back ache. He wondered why this conversation seemed so familiar to him.

"Who says we'd break it?" the youngest asked.

"I've never made a New Year's resolution I didn't break, did you Chris?" Buck Wilmington asked his oldest friend, while rubbing his head. He couldn't have a hangover yet, he wasn't drunk yet!

"Nope, can't say that I have," the leader replied, recalling lots of resolutions that he and the ladies man had made. Buck always promised to change his ways with the ladies, but never seemed able. And Chris, well, he figured he was doing okay the way he was, why bother? And damn his eyes ached! He glared at everyone because of his pain and was suitably rewarded when they went back to studying their cards.

"I ain't never made any promises, hate breakin' my word," the quiet Vin Tanner spoke up. His voice sound real raspy, even to his own ears.

"I hate to agree with Ezra, but it's pointless, JD, to resolve to do something you just aren't capable of doin'," Nathan added. He'd have to check Vin, perhaps he was coming down with a cold or something. Then again, he should check himself out, every bone in his body ached, like he'd been run over by a team of horses or shot fifteen times.

"What if we resolved to break them?" JD asked, not about to be swayed.

"That makes absolutely no sense!" Ezra said as he laid down his cards and collected the winnings. For some reason he'd never enjoyed winning a hand so much!

"Dammit, Ezra! You could at least let me win one this year!" Buck complained and then his attention was caught by the new girl, Betty Lou at the top of the stairs.

"Now why would I start the New Year off in that horrendous manner?" Ezra asked.

"Come on guys, I'm serious! If we don't make resolutions we'll break tradition and bad things happen when ya break tradition!" JD was not about to give up.

"All right JD, all right!" Buck said in exasperation. "I resolve to never take advantage-" he paused for a moment as Betty Lou came down the stairs, her hips swinging seductively.

"You resolve to what Buck?" Chris asked with a knowing grin.

"Scratch that," the ladies man threw his cards on the table. "I resolve to give Miss Betty Lou a taste of ol' Buck's animal magnetism before the night is out!"

The rest of the seven raised their glasses in a toast to the resolution and Buck went on to escort Miss Betty Lou upstairs.

"Now, if you are all through toasting Mr. Wilmington's inappropriate antics, might I suggest we play poker?" Ezra asked. They all agreed and the gambl er dealt the next hand, the subject of resolutions forgotten!

+ + + + + + +

"You fixed it," the head fairy commented as she watched the seven men apprehend the bank robbers three days later.

"Yes ma'am, we sure did!"

"And you learned a lesson, right?"

"Oh yeah, never make people go against their nature," the first fairy stated.

"Yep, always let them be themselves, no matter what!" the second agreed.

"Oh, yeah, that's a good lesson. I was thinking more along the lines of 'don't mess with my favorite gunslingers' though," the Head Fairy told them. Now, you two have a new assignment-"

"Nooooo! You can't send us to-"

"Relax, I'm not sending you to Kelly, Sabrina and Kris; that goes to Hildy and Ella

for screwing up AJ and Rick's lives. Instead I've decided to keep you on the frontier, the prairie to be exact... there's this family named the Ingalls..."

The End

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